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Narcissist
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It does get over used, because most people think it’s down to a person being vain, in the sense they like looking at themselves, but it’s much more than just that, it’s much more toxic for other people to be around one.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss...."
Like all things one word does not define the process it's a multitude of different aspects but a narcissistic person generally only thinks about themselves and their needs all the time without regard to how that affects others.
Sometimes that behaviour can be defined as control, manipulative and abusive.
Male  |
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss...."
I think if a persons been called a narcissist a few times they need to take a look at themselves .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss....
Like all things one word does not define the process it's a multitude of different aspects but a narcissistic person generally only thinks about themselves and their needs all the time without regard to how that affects others.
Sometimes that behaviour can be defined as control, manipulative and abusive.
Male "
good im in the clear phew  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It does get over used, because most people think it’s down to a person being vain, in the sense they like looking at themselves, but it’s much more than just that, it’s much more toxic for other people to be around one.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plenty of those on here. Reading some profiles some of the males on here truly believe they're a God amongst men.
Avoid at all costs! "
You don’t understand what a narcissist is, if you think that’s all it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plenty of those on here. Reading some profiles some of the males on here truly believe they're a God amongst men.
Avoid at all costs! "
Thats why i dont read propaganda rather chat and get to know folk but selling yourself doesnt mean thats a true example of them at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss....
I think if a persons been called a narcissist a few times they need to take a look at themselves ...."
Clever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out ! |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out !"
My ex was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and narcissism. It immediately explained a lot about how he behaved towards me and other people and I do feel sorry for him because he doesn’t accept his diagnosis and just goes through life with no lasting friendships or relationships. I can forgive what he did to me and still speak to him occasionally. I figure if he’s spouting his crap to me he’s leaving some poor unsuspecting person alone. I know why he says the stuff he does and I can deal with him a lot easier. From a safe distance of course. Some people trow the term narcissist about as an insult but they probably have no idea of the true meaning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss....
I think if a persons been called a narcissist a few times they need to take a look at themselves ....
Clever. "
But how do you kniw it's not a narcissist using that term to control another's behaviour?
Simply labelling another by a well used term doesn't make it accurate.
Far too many labels being used by people who don't agree with another's thoughts or choices.
A true narcissist is a very complex individual as outlined in other posts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plenty of those on here. Reading some profiles some of the males on here truly believe they're a God amongst men.
Avoid at all costs!
You don’t understand what a narcissist is, if you think that’s all it is. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you've ever encountered a real one you'll know to avoid,avoid,avoid."
Ive experience of the bullying narcissist. The real thing needs to be avoided for your own sakw |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out !
My ex was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and narcissism. It immediately explained a lot about how he behaved towards me and other people and I do feel sorry for him because he doesn’t accept his diagnosis and just goes through life with no lasting friendships or relationships. I can forgive what he did to me and still speak to him occasionally. I figure if he’s spouting his crap to me he’s leaving some poor unsuspecting person alone. I know why he says the stuff he does and I can deal with him a lot easier. From a safe distance of course. Some people trow the term narcissist about as an insult but they probably have no idea of the true meaning. "
Well done SJ for getting away from him. It's hard to let go of the hope that they will one day see the light, but unfortunately they never do, they're usually wired very differently to the people who's energy and nature they feed on.
Unfortunately you can't save everyone else from his toxic targeting. Borderline personalities can be very charming to those that don't know them well. He will almost definitely snare another empathic lady in the future, and unfortunately they instinctively know exactly who to prey upon.
Society in general is oblivious to these kinds of people and how they constantly try to hoover back in their past prey. Well done again for getting away. |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out !
My ex was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and narcissism. It immediately explained a lot about how he behaved towards me and other people and I do feel sorry for him because he doesn’t accept his diagnosis and just goes through life with no lasting friendships or relationships. I can forgive what he did to me and still speak to him occasionally. I figure if he’s spouting his crap to me he’s leaving some poor unsuspecting person alone. I know why he says the stuff he does and I can deal with him a lot easier. From a safe distance of course. Some people trow the term narcissist about as an insult but they probably have no idea of the true meaning.
Well done SJ for getting away from him. It's hard to let go of the hope that they will one day see the light, but unfortunately they never do, they're usually wired very differently to the people who's energy and nature they feed on.
Unfortunately you can't save everyone else from his toxic targeting. Borderline personalities can be very charming to those that don't know them well. He will almost definitely snare another empathic lady in the future, and unfortunately they instinctively know exactly who to prey upon.
Society in general is oblivious to these kinds of people and how they constantly try to hoover back in their past prey. Well done again for getting away."
Well when he left I sae something on Instagram which lead to another thing and then his whole world of lies came crashing down around him. I spoke to his ex gf and she spoke to his ex fiancé and another who he had a baby with. Between us all we unraveled a lot of things which were quite shocking.
Indeed I have now doubt that he will have some other poor unsuspecting woman on the hook. He used tinder and other dating apps to get quick sex and to find women to live with. He’s a very attractive guy and can charm the birds out of the trees, as people with his disorders are so capable of. Apart from the woman who has his kid, who lives in another country, none of his exes have anything to do with him and I only chat to him once in a blue moon. I know from what he tells me that he is lying about his situation and when he’s on one he is quite disgusting but like I said, I would rather he chat with me about stuff like that than bother someone less used to it. I do feel sorry for him because after all, it is an illness. One he refuses to accept. He tells people he is bipolar.
When he is forced to confront his lies and behaviour he has complete meltdowns. When all his exes found out about him he ended up in hospital. Then when his brother found out he had another break down. Obviously all his family are kept totally compartmentalised from any women in his life to protect the lies he tells.
Very sad and very distructve and disturbing. There’s people with the same issues that are even worse and they all live and work amongst us. It has made me far more wary knowing him. |
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"It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out !"
Yes very much this, and there's plenty of all the cluster B types on fab!!
All these behaviours fall on a spectrum - someone can display a lot of very narcissistic behaviour without having full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
For interests sake, that is characterised by most if not all of the following:
-Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
-Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
-Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
-Exaggerate achievements and talents
-Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
-Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
-Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
-Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
-Take advantage of others to get what they want, are manipulative
-Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others, lack empathy
-Be envious of others and believe others envy them
-Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
-Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:
-Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
-Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
-React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
-Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
-Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
-Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
-Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation
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Dangerous people.
VERY dangerous people.
Takes years to even begin to see narcissism in people cos they are so clever at making their characteristics look like it's your fault and by the time you've realised what kind of person they are, your life is destroyed and it's almost impossible to rebuild it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dangerous people.
VERY dangerous people.
Takes years to even begin to see narcissism in people cos they are so clever at making their characteristics look like it's your fault and by the time you've realised what kind of person they are, your life is destroyed and it's almost impossible to rebuild it.
"
This is scary but true  |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out !
Yes very much this, and there's plenty of all the cluster B types on fab!!
All these behaviours fall on a spectrum - someone can display a lot of very narcissistic behaviour without having full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
For interests sake, that is characterised by most if not all of the following:
-Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
-Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
-Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
-Exaggerate achievements and talents
-Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
-Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
-Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
-Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
-Take advantage of others to get what they want, are manipulative
-Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others, lack empathy
-Be envious of others and believe others envy them
-Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
-Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:
-Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
-Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
-React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
-Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
-Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
-Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
-Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation
"
Sadly I recognise every one of those points. |
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"It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out !
Yes very much this, and there's plenty of all the cluster B types on fab!!
All these behaviours fall on a spectrum - someone can display a lot of very narcissistic behaviour without having full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
For interests sake, that is characterised by most if not all of the following:
-Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
-Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
-Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
-Exaggerate achievements and talents
-Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
-Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
-Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
-Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
-Take advantage of others to get what they want, are manipulative
-Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others, lack empathy
-Be envious of others and believe others envy them
-Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
-Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:
-Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
-Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
-React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
-Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
-Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
-Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
-Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation
Sadly I recognise every one of those points. "
Yup, I did the first time someone handed me a book called 'Stalking the Soul' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dangerous people.
VERY dangerous people.
Takes years to even begin to see narcissism in people cos they are so clever at making their characteristics look like it's your fault and by the time you've realised what kind of person they are, your life is destroyed and it's almost impossible to rebuild it.
"
Very true, it’s hard to overcome the damage done not just to me but the children also x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was married to one for too many years. They’re definitely the type to be avoided at all costs x "
Never married (luckiky) but still carry the odd scar.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out !
My ex was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and narcissism. It immediately explained a lot about how he behaved towards me and other people and I do feel sorry for him because he doesn’t accept his diagnosis and just goes through life with no lasting friendships or relationships. I can forgive what he did to me and still speak to him occasionally. I figure if he’s spouting his crap to me he’s leaving some poor unsuspecting person alone. I know why he says the stuff he does and I can deal with him a lot easier. From a safe distance of course. Some people trow the term narcissist about as an insult but they probably have no idea of the true meaning.
Well done SJ for getting away from him. It's hard to let go of the hope that they will one day see the light, but unfortunately they never do, they're usually wired very differently to the people who's energy and nature they feed on.
Unfortunately you can't save everyone else from his toxic targeting. Borderline personalities can be very charming to those that don't know them well. He will almost definitely snare another empathic lady in the future, and unfortunately they instinctively know exactly who to prey upon.
Society in general is oblivious to these kinds of people and how they constantly try to hoover back in their past prey. Well done again for getting away.
Well when he left I sae something on Instagram which lead to another thing and then his whole world of lies came crashing down around him. I spoke to his ex gf and she spoke to his ex fiancé and another who he had a baby with. Between us all we unraveled a lot of things which were quite shocking.
Indeed I have now doubt that he will have some other poor unsuspecting woman on the hook. He used tinder and other dating apps to get quick sex and to find women to live with. He’s a very attractive guy and can charm the birds out of the trees, as people with his disorders are so capable of. Apart from the woman who has his kid, who lives in another country, none of his exes have anything to do with him and I only chat to him once in a blue moon. I know from what he tells me that he is lying about his situation and when he’s on one he is quite disgusting but like I said, I would rather he chat with me about stuff like that than bother someone less used to it. I do feel sorry for him because after all, it is an illness. One he refuses to accept. He tells people he is bipolar.
When he is forced to confront his lies and behaviour he has complete meltdowns. When all his exes found out about him he ended up in hospital. Then when his brother found out he had another break down. Obviously all his family are kept totally compartmentalised from any women in his life to protect the lies he tells.
Very sad and very distructve and disturbing. There’s people with the same issues that are even worse and they all live and work amongst us. It has made me far more wary knowing him. "
It does make you very wary of people when you've experianced being in a relationship with a manipulative person, especially when you find them out and get a bit of distance from them. When you are in the relationship they control you by keeping you in the F.O.G ( Fear, Obligation, Guilt ), and they cause dissonance ( make you question your own judgement / memory / sanity ) or 'Gaslighting' like they call it across the pond ( from Gaslight, and old B&W film where the husband manipulates his rich wife into thinking she's going insane, so he can get her commited into an asylum and acquire her wealth).
When I got out of such a relationship I went for counseling to a counsellor we had gone to couple's counselling with previously. She advised me to research Cluster B Personality Disorders and Victim ( hate that term, prefer Survivor ) Recovery after Narcissistic Abuse. That research was invaluable to me and prevented me from reconciling and being manipulated for the rest of my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss...."
Like all clinical terms its abused, like ocd and depression.
But on the other hand why wouldn't you be a narcissist?
The only thing you know for certain is that your universe begins and ends with you.
So why wouldnt you consider yourself the center of your universe
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems to be used nowadays as a blanket term for what are called Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are devided into categories like Borderline, Histrionic etc.
Personally I don't get stressed by the obvious attention seeking narcs...what you see is what you get. For me the really misery inducing kind are the covert narcs, they can take years to uncover and there manipulation is far more toxic by it's underhand and soulless nature. Completely devoid of empathy but very talented at mimicking it....often too talented....if they seem too sweet to be wholesome then watch out !
Yes very much this, and there's plenty of all the cluster B types on fab!!
All these behaviours fall on a spectrum - someone can display a lot of very narcissistic behaviour without having full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
For interests sake, that is characterised by most if not all of the following:
-Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
-Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
-Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
-Exaggerate achievements and talents
-Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
-Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
-Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
-Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
-Take advantage of others to get what they want, are manipulative
-Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others, lack empathy
-Be envious of others and believe others envy them
-Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
-Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:
-Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
-Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
-React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
-Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
-Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
-Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
-Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation
Sadly I recognise every one of those points. "
I hear ya
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss...."
It is overused because everyone has aspects of narcissistic traits or behaves narcissistically at times, but this cannot and should not be confused with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) which is a sustained clinical disturbance. If you've ever lived with or encountered a diagnosable narcissist you could not agree with the usage of terms like 'narcissistic spectrum' in the culture which minimises the disorder and suggests that victims (or survivors) are on the same spectrum as their abusers since co-dependant victims will often exhibit what appears to be narcissistic traits developed over years of being manipulated.
Covert narcissists are not what most assume. Most discussions on them will describe them as having similar behaviour to overt narcissists but behind closed doors, like abusers at home and angels in public. This is very misleading! Covert narcissists are covert in their relationships with you, which means that they do not ordinarily reveal their hidden anger and contempt and use passive aggressive sabotaging behaviours to destroy and confuse and disturb your emotional processes. They will withhold affection, withhold approval, withhold reasonable affirmations and kindness. They aim to inject their deep sense guilt and shame into you and are effectively trying to paint themselves as your victim and you as their abuser. This is especially effective they can drive you to the point of mental disturbance and rage while they sit back as calm as a cucumber and manovre in ways that are blindsidingly averse to normal, healthy communication. They are HIGHLY manipulative and sadistic. They use tears and any method to show you just how unworthy you are. Covert narcissists are extremely threatened by your talents and good qualities and not only will they withhold support of your personal development and growth but they will sabotage it! The soul tie you make with them will impact you for the rest of your life, however if you are fortunate enough to discover what they are and seek help and work on breaking those ties and healing you can come out stronger than you ever were. But the journey is painful and strenuous.
Pay attention to your gut. If you feel like someone is threatened by your good qualities, disappears or sabotages your happiness at times when you need them the most and uses third parties to force you into submitting to them, no matter how shy or meek they appear, RUN!
They will lead a silent smear campaign against you and you will lose friends, respect, even family members due to their reign of silent terror and destruction. They are pure evil and masquerade as angels. Beware. If you fear that you are one, you likely are not. They have zero introspection and run from exercising any self-awareness or accepting any blame for their behaviour whatsoever. They will make you believe that you are the narcissist or the one with the problem.
Survivor |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss....
It is overused because everyone has aspects of narcissistic traits or behaves narcissistically at times, but this cannot and should not be confused with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) which is a sustained clinical disturbance. If you've ever lived with or encountered a diagnosable narcissist you could not agree with the usage of terms like 'narcissistic spectrum' in the culture which minimises the disorder and suggests that victims (or survivors) are on the same spectrum as their abusers since co-dependant victims will often exhibit what appears to be narcissistic traits developed over years of being manipulated.
Covert narcissists are not what most assume. Most discussions on them will describe them as having similar behaviour to overt narcissists but behind closed doors, like abusers at home and angels in public. This is very misleading! Covert narcissists are covert in their relationships with you, which means that they do not ordinarily reveal their hidden anger and contempt and use passive aggressive sabotaging behaviours to destroy and confuse and disturb your emotional processes. They will withhold affection, withhold approval, withhold reasonable affirmations and kindness. They aim to inject their deep sense guilt and shame into you and are effectively trying to paint themselves as your victim and you as their abuser. This is especially effective they can drive you to the point of mental disturbance and rage while they sit back as calm as a cucumber and manovre in ways that are blindsidingly averse to normal, healthy communication. They are HIGHLY manipulative and sadistic. They use tears and any method to show you just how unworthy you are. Covert narcissists are extremely threatened by your talents and good qualities and not only will they withhold support of your personal development and growth but they will sabotage it! The soul tie you make with them will impact you for the rest of your life, however if you are fortunate enough to discover what they are and seek help and work on breaking those ties and healing you can come out stronger than you ever were. But the journey is painful and strenuous.
Pay attention to your gut. If you feel like someone is threatened by your good qualities, disappears or sabotages your happiness at times when you need them the most and uses third parties to force you into submitting to them, no matter how shy or meek they appear, RUN!
They will lead a silent smear campaign against you and you will lose friends, respect, even family members due to their reign of silent terror and destruction. They are pure evil and masquerade as angels. Beware. If you fear that you are one, you likely are not. They have zero introspection and run from exercising any self-awareness or accepting any blame for their behaviour whatsoever. They will make you believe that you are the narcissist or the one with the problem.
Survivor "
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss...."
Yes - it’s an overused term - but I’ve come across a couple of ‘real’ narcissists in my time on fab! Every thread/post is all about them and their egos are through the roof!
They piss me off but I usually force myself to take a step backwards when they post rather than pointing out how horrifically self absorbed I find them! |
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss....
It is overused because everyone has aspects of narcissistic traits or behaves narcissistically at times, but this cannot and should not be confused with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) which is a sustained clinical disturbance. If you've ever lived with or encountered a diagnosable narcissist you could not agree with the usage of terms like 'narcissistic spectrum' in the culture which minimises the disorder and suggests that victims (or survivors) are on the same spectrum as their abusers since co-dependant victims will often exhibit what appears to be narcissistic traits developed over years of being manipulated.
Covert narcissists are not what most assume. Most discussions on them will describe them as having similar behaviour to overt narcissists but behind closed doors, like abusers at home and angels in public. This is very misleading! Covert narcissists are covert in their relationships with you, which means that they do not ordinarily reveal their hidden anger and contempt and use passive aggressive sabotaging behaviours to destroy and confuse and disturb your emotional processes. They will withhold affection, withhold approval, withhold reasonable affirmations and kindness. They aim to inject their deep sense guilt and shame into you and are effectively trying to paint themselves as your victim and you as their abuser. This is especially effective they can drive you to the point of mental disturbance and rage while they sit back as calm as a cucumber and manovre in ways that are blindsidingly averse to normal, healthy communication. They are HIGHLY manipulative and sadistic. They use tears and any method to show you just how unworthy you are. Covert narcissists are extremely threatened by your talents and good qualities and not only will they withhold support of your personal development and growth but they will sabotage it! The soul tie you make with them will impact you for the rest of your life, however if you are fortunate enough to discover what they are and seek help and work on breaking those ties and healing you can come out stronger than you ever were. But the journey is painful and strenuous.
Pay attention to your gut. If you feel like someone is threatened by your good qualities, disappears or sabotages your happiness at times when you need them the most and uses third parties to force you into submitting to them, no matter how shy or meek they appear, RUN!
They will lead a silent smear campaign against you and you will lose friends, respect, even family members due to their reign of silent terror and destruction. They are pure evil and masquerade as angels. Beware. If you fear that you are one, you likely are not. They have zero introspection and run from exercising any self-awareness or accepting any blame for their behaviour whatsoever. They will make you believe that you are the narcissist or the one with the problem.
Survivor "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss....
It is overused because everyone has aspects of narcissistic traits or behaves narcissistically at times, but this cannot and should not be confused with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) which is a sustained clinical disturbance. If you've ever lived with or encountered a diagnosable narcissist you could not agree with the usage of terms like 'narcissistic spectrum' in the culture which minimises the disorder and suggests that victims (or survivors) are on the same spectrum as their abusers since co-dependant victims will often exhibit what appears to be narcissistic traits developed over years of being manipulated.
Covert narcissists are not what most assume. Most discussions on them will describe them as having similar behaviour to overt narcissists but behind closed doors, like abusers at home and angels in public. This is very misleading! Covert narcissists are covert in their relationships with you, which means that they do not ordinarily reveal their hidden anger and contempt and use passive aggressive sabotaging behaviours to destroy and confuse and disturb your emotional processes. They will withhold affection, withhold approval, withhold reasonable affirmations and kindness. They aim to inject their deep sense guilt and shame into you and are effectively trying to paint themselves as your victim and you as their abuser. This is especially effective they can drive you to the point of mental disturbance and rage while they sit back as calm as a cucumber and manovre in ways that are blindsidingly averse to normal, healthy communication. They are HIGHLY manipulative and sadistic. They use tears and any method to show you just how unworthy you are. Covert narcissists are extremely threatened by your talents and good qualities and not only will they withhold support of your personal development and growth but they will sabotage it! The soul tie you make with them will impact you for the rest of your life, however if you are fortunate enough to discover what they are and seek help and work on breaking those ties and healing you can come out stronger than you ever were. But the journey is painful and strenuous.
Pay attention to your gut. If you feel like someone is threatened by your good qualities, disappears or sabotages your happiness at times when you need them the most and uses third parties to force you into submitting to them, no matter how shy or meek they appear, RUN!
They will lead a silent smear campaign against you and you will lose friends, respect, even family members due to their reign of silent terror and destruction. They are pure evil and masquerade as angels. Beware. If you fear that you are one, you likely are not. They have zero introspection and run from exercising any self-awareness or accepting any blame for their behaviour whatsoever. They will make you believe that you are the narcissist or the one with the problem.
Survivor "
Unfortunately this is spot on.
They are professionals at painting themselves as the victim, and usually come from family dynamics where this type of dysfunction has been played out for many generations previously. Each generation will have some narcs and some codependents, but almost all members of a covert narcs family will be facilitators, often unwittingly. That's why it's so important for survivors who share children with these manipulators to do all you can to ensure the break the mould and don't carry on this passive aggressive or codependent legacy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting to see some men with experience of it for a change."
Men don't usually wise up to this traditionally due to not having had a culture of talking out problems with a friend, unlike women who have emotionally supportive relationships with their female friends. I would still be in a haze if I hadn't been pointed in the right direction by a counsellor.
Unfortunately there are men out there who have been manipulated with years and will go to their graves thinking they were at fault constantly in their relationships. Online psychology forums are full of stories from female survivors but very few from men, even though leading psychologists in the area maintain that covert narcissism is just as common in both sexes.
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"Interesting to see some men with experience of it for a change.
Men don't usually wise up to this traditionally due to not having had a culture of talking out problems with a friend, unlike women who have emotionally supportive relationships with their female friends. I would still be in a haze if I hadn't been pointed in the right direction by a counsellor.
Unfortunately there are men out there who have been manipulated with years and will go to their graves thinking they were at fault constantly in their relationships. Online psychology forums are full of stories from female survivors but very few from men, even though leading psychologists in the area maintain that covert narcissism is just as common in both sexes.
"
Interesting. Similarly the histrionic personality type is always associated with females, but I have seen it in males too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss....
It is overused because everyone has aspects of narcissistic traits or behaves narcissistically at times, but this cannot and should not be confused with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) which is a sustained clinical disturbance. If you've ever lived with or encountered a diagnosable narcissist you could not agree with the usage of terms like 'narcissistic spectrum' in the culture which minimises the disorder and suggests that victims (or survivors) are on the same spectrum as their abusers since co-dependant victims will often exhibit what appears to be narcissistic traits developed over years of being manipulated.
Covert narcissists are not what most assume. Most discussions on them will describe them as having similar behaviour to overt narcissists but behind closed doors, like abusers at home and angels in public. This is very misleading! Covert narcissists are covert in their relationships with you, which means that they do not ordinarily reveal their hidden anger and contempt and use passive aggressive sabotaging behaviours to destroy and confuse and disturb your emotional processes. They will withhold affection, withhold approval, withhold reasonable affirmations and kindness. They aim to inject their deep sense guilt and shame into you and are effectively trying to paint themselves as your victim and you as their abuser. This is especially effective they can drive you to the point of mental disturbance and rage while they sit back as calm as a cucumber and manovre in ways that are blindsidingly averse to normal, healthy communication. They are HIGHLY manipulative and sadistic. They use tears and any method to show you just how unworthy you are. Covert narcissists are extremely threatened by your talents and good qualities and not only will they withhold support of your personal development and growth but they will sabotage it! The soul tie you make with them will impact you for the rest of your life, however if you are fortunate enough to discover what they are and seek help and work on breaking those ties and healing you can come out stronger than you ever were. But the journey is painful and strenuous.
Pay attention to your gut. If you feel like someone is threatened by your good qualities, disappears or sabotages your happiness at times when you need them the most and uses third parties to force you into submitting to them, no matter how shy or meek they appear, RUN!
They will lead a silent smear campaign against you and you will lose friends, respect, even family members due to their reign of silent terror and destruction. They are pure evil and masquerade as angels. Beware. If you fear that you are one, you likely are not. They have zero introspection and run from exercising any self-awareness or accepting any blame for their behaviour whatsoever. They will make you believe that you are the narcissist or the one with the problem.
Survivor "
Also a survivor. Child survivor... I can relate to all of the above, I’ve done much research and reading around why I’m me. Having a mother who is covert and disabled, as an only child, I found it difficult to go NC. However the life experienced from being raised by my mother has enabled me to work well with and understand damaged kids.
Good coping skills learned very early in life has given me good traits as an adult, including being a positive thinker and very intuitive, I trust my gut, which comes from having to judge a mood daily in order to get through each day as unscathed as possible. I think the worst for me is that I am independent to a fault, I accept help from no one. I’m extremely high in empathy as well, which can be a bloody curse at times.
But... every day is a school day, and although I would love to have a mother who cared, my life has made me me. I know who I am and the reasons I’m me. I’m a nice lassie and I put my life experience to good use! Which has helped me truly understand and heal. And yes... the journey getting there is painful.
On that note NPD is very real, damaging and traumatic for anyone caught up in that destructive, confusing and abusive life. The term narcissistic barely touches the surface.
Whew... that’s my tuppenceworth
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it an over used term or is it just the people who get told they're a narcissist that think it's over used because they've heard it said too many times?
Discuss....
It is overused because everyone has aspects of narcissistic traits or behaves narcissistically at times, but this cannot and should not be confused with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) which is a sustained clinical disturbance. If you've ever lived with or encountered a diagnosable narcissist you could not agree with the usage of terms like 'narcissistic spectrum' in the culture which minimises the disorder and suggests that victims (or survivors) are on the same spectrum as their abusers since co-dependant victims will often exhibit what appears to be narcissistic traits developed over years of being manipulated.
Covert narcissists are not what most assume. Most discussions on them will describe them as having similar behaviour to overt narcissists but behind closed doors, like abusers at home and angels in public. This is very misleading! Covert narcissists are covert in their relationships with you, which means that they do not ordinarily reveal their hidden anger and contempt and use passive aggressive sabotaging behaviours to destroy and confuse and disturb your emotional processes. They will withhold affection, withhold approval, withhold reasonable affirmations and kindness. They aim to inject their deep sense guilt and shame into you and are effectively trying to paint themselves as your victim and you as their abuser. This is especially effective they can drive you to the point of mental disturbance and rage while they sit back as calm as a cucumber and manovre in ways that are blindsidingly averse to normal, healthy communication. They are HIGHLY manipulative and sadistic. They use tears and any method to show you just how unworthy you are. Covert narcissists are extremely threatened by your talents and good qualities and not only will they withhold support of your personal development and growth but they will sabotage it! The soul tie you make with them will impact you for the rest of your life, however if you are fortunate enough to discover what they are and seek help and work on breaking those ties and healing you can come out stronger than you ever were. But the journey is painful and strenuous.
Pay attention to your gut. If you feel like someone is threatened by your good qualities, disappears or sabotages your happiness at times when you need them the most and uses third parties to force you into submitting to them, no matter how shy or meek they appear, RUN!
They will lead a silent smear campaign against you and you will lose friends, respect, even family members due to their reign of silent terror and destruction. They are pure evil and masquerade as angels. Beware. If you fear that you are one, you likely are not. They have zero introspection and run from exercising any self-awareness or accepting any blame for their behaviour whatsoever. They will make you believe that you are the narcissist or the one with the problem.
Survivor
Unfortunately this is spot on.
They are professionals at painting themselves as the victim, and usually come from family dynamics where this type of dysfunction has been played out for many generations previously. Each generation will have some narcs and some codependents, but almost all members of a covert narcs family will be facilitators, often unwittingly. That's why it's so important for survivors who share children with these manipulators to do all you can to ensure the break the mould and don't carry on this passive aggressive or codependent legacy."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Also a survivor. Child survivor... I can relate to all of the above, I’ve done much research and reading around why I’m me. Having a mother who is covert and disabled, as an only child, I found it difficult to go NC. However the life experienced from being raised by my mother has enabled me to work well with and understand damaged kids.
Good coping skills learned very early in life has given me good traits as an adult, including being a positive thinker and very intuitive, I trust my gut, which comes from having to judge a mood daily in order to get through each day as unscathed as possible. I think the worst for me is that I am independent to a fault, I accept help from no one. I’m extremely high in empathy as well, which can be a bloody curse at times.
But... every day is a school day, and although I would love to have a mother who cared, my life has made me me. I know who I am and the reasons I’m me. I’m a nice lassie and I put my life experience to good use! Which has helped me truly understand and heal. And yes... the journey getting there is painful.
On that note NPD is very real, damaging and traumatic for anyone caught up in that destructive, confusing and abusive life. The term narcissistic barely touches the surface.
Whew... that’s my tuppenceworth
"
That sounds like it was an awful dynamic to grow up in, but your response by becoming such a caring and mentally strong adult is brilliant. It's impossible for an empathic person to go totally no contact with an NPD parent and no suffer anguish every day, but you seem to have managed to keep contact but take on as little of the toxic effects as possible.
It's also great that you can help and understand for kids and teens in similar dynamics. The general psychology view is that if a person mimics and takes on these NPD or Codependent traits past their early teens, then they are almist certainly going to be condemned to a miserable life, so it's great when someone understands and helps the find a more positive path early in life.
For any positive person reading your story above it gives great inspiration....and for any negative NPD people who might read it, it must strike fear of exposure into them....their ultimate fear. |
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Someone gave me a link to speaker with a lot of videos on YouTube about narcissism/abuse 'Peace and Harmony' - got a bit of a light bulb moment in the very first one so going to look up some more, she knows her stuff!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pApt11gcNPY |
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