FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > is this forum 'newbie friendly'
is this forum 'newbie friendly'
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As a regular on the forums I do see certain trends and differences in the responses given to newbies and regulars and sometimes wonder whether these forums are welcoming to newcomers or do we enjoy shooting them down in flames.
I hold my hands up and say that I enjoy a contentious thread and I'm not on my own, those threads usually get over 100 replies. In my opinion they are more entertaining than the 'love In' type threads, which are very insular and very often leave the majority of posters unable to join in because the threads are so cryptic.
But sometimes I look at my own responses and the responses of others and its clear its unfair at times. Threads are often closed because someones become abusive, but is that a reaction to a regulars 'harsh and to the point' reply. Can we really lay the blame entirely on the newbie.
As regulars we see the same subjects brought up time and time again, so there's little wonder that our responses lack empathy all the time. And there are newbies who clearly do not understand the swinging scene and will make rude and offensive presumptions about what we are.
Many people have stated they felt the forums were problematic at first, were ridiculed in almost an initiation kind of way. I felt that when I first posted.
There's the lurkers that wouldn't dare to post because they've seen how certain people are dealt with. But they clearly enjoy the banter and contention.
There's the 'thank you admin' threads, thanking admin for closing offensive threads. Why feel the need to thank admin for this, its hardly a life and death matter. Its basically a way to continue a contentious thread after its been closed. Are we sad the threads been removed because we are enjoying it, or could it be seen loosely as bullying, if the OPs have received a ban and can't respond.
If its all stopped though, if we all behave and are nicey nicey all the time, well that would be so boring wouldn't it. I do feel disappointed at times that threads are closed.
A huge majority of threads are started with the words 'be gentle with me' or 'don't shout me down', are we regulars giving off the vibe that we are going to be nasty, the OP clearly anticipates that. Are we failing the site by not welcoming new members, or is it not us at all, are there a large amount of people out there solely posting to do battle with us.
And can we admit our mistakes or it is just an opinion, is it ok to be 'to the point' when we know it will offend someone. Is it always someone elses fault.
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I do take on board many of the points you raise, they are quite valid. However it is a forum and to pasturise peoples points of _iew would be counter productive.  |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
Its one of the problems with the written word, there's no tone no body language .. . something said with a smile on the face , a jovial tone to the voice  is taken as such by the recipient, when its written down its down to how the recipient interprets those words.. can be misinterpreted... 
As for newbies not posting, it can be intimidating trying to gain acceptance of an established group, again there are those that will in any walk of life make an effort and involve themselves ,, others for whatever reason choose not to ( fear of rejection , ridicule, many other reasons I'm sure)
  
Me I ve been rejected and ridiculed, so its water off a ducks back. ( and no thats not an invitation for watersports) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a point i often think about is why do people NEED to have a thick skin?
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
I think the forums are newbie friendly. It depends how the newbies approach the forums, the blame cant lie with the regulars. If a newbie comes on, joins in, has a laugh then they are easily made to feel welcome, it does take someone awhile to "establish" themselves but isnt that the same in any situations in life? You go somewhere for the first time and people will be polite, the more they know you the friendlier they become.
If someone comes on the forums with a bad attitude or whinges and whines in the first thread they cant expect to be greated with open arms. We where all newbies once, if it was so bad none of us would of stayed.
Ive had quite a lot of messages from newbies over the time ive been on here saying how welcoming some people are.
Having said that, then yes there are a few people who are not so welcoming but they are definetly in the minority |
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I agree with diamond apart from one point; newbies often use their first forum thread ad a way of venting about the frustrations inherent in getting settled into the site. Be it the predatory people who target new members before they've sussed out what to put in their profile and how to use filters - I was accused within 20 mins of joining the site of 'not being a proper swinger' when I had the gall to turn down a couple! 
Then theres the 'noone will meet me cos.I'm not verified' we've all been there! Where else should.newbies go for sound advice from experience?
So what if their first thread/post is a whinge? Mine was, I suspect quite a lot of regular posters whinged first time out of the gate. Be patient with them, treat them gently and remember we were all newbies once. And hopefully second, third and more posts will ne witty and raunchy and just plain laugh out loud roll on the floor silly |
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Apologies for spelling and odd punctuation - new touch screen phone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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depends on what they've got to say for themselves when they arrive.
that, above everything, i believe will have a direct effect on how they are treated by existing users.
for me, the scenarios given below are just some that affect how a new user might be treated neagtively :
a lack of social skills in general
an inability to control or direct their temper
an inability to recognise what is acceptable and isn't in general conversation
the inability not to personalise feedback that doesn't match their own ideas
focussed negativity
exhibiting insulting / distasteful behaviour towards other users
posting the same thread in different guises over a short period
assuming the forums are an automatic springboard to extra shags
I would recommend that new forum users, sit back, watch and work out some of the dynamics before making an initial post.
Forge relationships / friendships with existing users either publically or in private.
Once people get to know you a little better, you will get away with more than you would as a newbie poster - as people 'know' you that little bit better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess some people treat forums as a place for monologue rather than dialogue…… and that’s cool,,,,,, I suppose, I’m a bit like that myself….
However do feel some new posters obviously looking for dialogue, can be given a rough ride or end up being ignored, simply because their online personality has not yet had time to establish familiar inflection to their written voice in the same manner as regular posters seem to allow one-another….
Sox™
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By *otswbabeCouple
over a year ago
north cornwall |
[Removed by poster at 16/01/12 11:44:18] |
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I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget. |
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By *otswbabeCouple
over a year ago
north cornwall |
"As a regular on the forums I do see certain trends and differences in the responses given to newbies and regulars and sometimes wonder whether these forums are welcoming to newcomers or do we enjoy shooting them down in flames.
I hold my hands up and say that I enjoy a contentious thread and I'm not on my own, those threads usually get over 100 replies. In my opinion they are more entertaining than the 'love In' type threads, which are very insular and very often leave the majority of posters unable to join in because the threads are so cryptic.
But sometimes I look at my own responses and the responses of others and its clear its unfair at times. Threads are often closed because someones become abusive, but is that a reaction to a regulars 'harsh and to the point' reply. Can we really lay the blame entirely on the newbie.
As regulars we see the same subjects brought up time and time again, so there's little wonder that our responses lack empathy all the time. And there are newbies who clearly do not understand the swinging scene and will make rude and offensive presumptions about what we are.
Many people have stated they felt the forums were problematic at first, were ridiculed in almost an initiation kind of way. I felt that when I first posted.
There's the lurkers that wouldn't dare to post because they've seen how certain people are dealt with. But they clearly enjoy the banter and contention.
There's the 'thank you admin' threads, thanking admin for closing offensive threads. Why feel the need to thank admin for this, its hardly a life and death matter. Its basically a way to continue a contentious thread after its been closed. Are we sad the threads been removed because we are enjoying it, or could it be seen loosely as bullying, if the OPs have received a ban and can't respond.
If its all stopped though, if we all behave and are nicey nicey all the time, well that would be so boring wouldn't it. I do feel disappointed at times that threads are closed.
A huge majority of threads are started with the words 'be gentle with me' or 'don't shout me down', are we regulars giving off the vibe that we are going to be nasty, the OP clearly anticipates that. Are we failing the site by not welcoming new members, or is it not us at all, are there a large amount of people out there solely posting to do battle with us.
And can we admit our mistakes or it is just an opinion, is it ok to be 'to the point' when we know it will offend someone. Is it always someone elses fault.
"
I completely agree with this and try to reassure newbies who run into agro when first posting. I had the same when first posting. You assume that you can just speak your mind as you would with friends, argue a point and still have the good natured attitude and banter you have with them. You can't. Its all pc. You are not really allowed to disagree without people accusing you of all sorts. Once you bear in mind that its just a forum on a swinging site, not really important other than for entertainment its fine. Some get things blown out of prroportion. I have noticed a big push towards harshness if someone feels judged for their sexual behaviour. Apparently this isn't allowed. Most adults judge others every day in one way or another, not necessarily as bad people but not maybe the kind of people you feel comfortable meeting. I live and let live but don't want to join in necessarily. I too think the contentious threads are more entertaining but maybe not for new posters, bless them. Regs maybe think of this as their msn and dont like seeing the same questions asked. To them I say... tough! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To this I can only judge by my own experience, when I was new... I read a lot initially and posted little, but I found it welcoming.... and try to pay it forward with other newbies. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"depends on what they've got to say for themselves when they arrive.
that, above everything, i believe will have a direct effect on how they are treated by existing users.
for me, the scenarios given below are just some that affect how a new user might be treated neagtively :
a lack of social skills in general
an inability to control or direct their temper
an inability to recognise what is acceptable and isn't in general conversation
the inability not to personalise feedback that doesn't match their own ideas
focussed negativity
exhibiting insulting / distasteful behaviour towards other users
posting the same thread in different guises over a short period
assuming the forums are an automatic springboard to extra shags
I would recommend that new forum users, sit back, watch and work out some of the dynamics before making an initial post.
Forge relationships / friendships with existing users either publically or in private.
Once people get to know you a little better, you will get away with more than you would as a newbie poster - as people 'know' you that little bit better."
So in essence, if people don't type the way you want them to you won't welcome them?
I think thats where lies the problem on here at times
I think telling people what they should be doing so it suits a certain few is a big no no too....if I was a new user I would be telling people where to get off.
I didn't forge friendships with exsisting users before joining the forums, I didn't need to to be able to add to posts.
As another user said up there....being new and having a whinge isn't a bad thing, it just gets treated differently than if it is a regular poster doing it....and when the new user sees the nasty/ condesending/ patronising comments turn up ( which most of the time they do )I can't say I am surprised that they react.
Obviously some new posters post insulting new threads, which are normally dealt with if a mod is on....but most of the time the rot starts because the regulars have seen it before, get pissed off of seeing it but comment anyway. they then give advice and get more pissed off that the new poster doesn't want to take that advice....it is their right not to if they don't want to.
What would be good is if ALL new posters where welcomed whatever the subject is about....and if people don't like the subject as it winds you all up so much then ignore it....it really is that simple. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget."
Sadly....that isn't always the case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i feel that this place doesn't suffer fools gladly. Whether you are new or not isn't really an issue.
That said i post on much harsher forums than this and think that the mods here do a good job in controlling things. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget.
Sadly....that isn't always the case."
true, but it depends on the thread. There was one the other day where i blocked the guy immediatly, but then sometimes the person generally is unaware that they are about to cause world war three lol |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget.
Sadly....that isn't always the case.
true, but it depends on the thread. There was one the other day where i blocked the guy immediatly, but then sometimes the person generally is unaware that they are about to cause world war three lol"
I suppose you could say does that tell you more about the reaction to the post than the OP? |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a regular on the forums I do see certain trends and differences in the responses given to newbies and regulars and sometimes wonder whether these forums are welcoming to newcomers or do we enjoy shooting them down in flames.
I hold my hands up and say that I enjoy a contentious thread and I'm not on my own, those threads usually get over 100 replies. In my opinion they are more entertaining than the 'love In' type threads, which are very insular and very often leave the majority of posters unable to join in because the threads are so cryptic.
But sometimes I look at my own responses and the responses of others and its clear its unfair at times. Threads are often closed because someones become abusive, but is that a reaction to a regulars 'harsh and to the point' reply. Can we really lay the blame entirely on the newbie.
As regulars we see the same subjects brought up time and time again, so there's little wonder that our responses lack empathy all the time. And there are newbies who clearly do not understand the swinging scene and will make rude and offensive presumptions about what we are.
Many people have stated they felt the forums were problematic at first, were ridiculed in almost an initiation kind of way. I felt that when I first posted.
There's the lurkers that wouldn't dare to post because they've seen how certain people are dealt with. But they clearly enjoy the banter and contention.
There's the 'thank you admin' threads, thanking admin for closing offensive threads. Why feel the need to thank admin for this, its hardly a life and death matter. Its basically a way to continue a contentious thread after its been closed. Are we sad the threads been removed because we are enjoying it, or could it be seen loosely as bullying, if the OPs have received a ban and can't respond.
If its all stopped though, if we all behave and are nicey nicey all the time, well that would be so boring wouldn't it. I do feel disappointed at times that threads are closed.
A huge majority of threads are started with the words 'be gentle with me' or 'don't shout me down', are we regulars giving off the vibe that we are going to be nasty, the OP clearly anticipates that. Are we failing the site by not welcoming new members, or is it not us at all, are there a large amount of people out there solely posting to do battle with us.
And can we admit our mistakes or it is just an opinion, is it ok to be 'to the point' when we know it will offend someone. Is it always someone elses fault.
"
ok post on forum and i am quite new to the forums but i don't get shot down in flames often so not sure but i have seen threads that i feel r a little harsh but hey we r all different so some can take a joke and some can't |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget.
Sadly....that isn't always the case.
true, but it depends on the thread. There was one the other day where i blocked the guy immediatly, but then sometimes the person generally is unaware that they are about to cause world war three lol
I suppose you could say does that tell you more about the reaction to the post than the OP? "
It could do, also the op knows what they want to say, but its the way it comes out. I have sat here and seen a thread started and thought oh no here we go lol. But that doesnt just happen to newbies. The thing about the forums is, no matter what you post you never know how its going to be taken. Some go how you would like them to and some go quite a different way. The thing is when you are a regular you know this is going to happen |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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See I think its a welcoming fun forum and I love it. I love the fact that I don't share a warm lovey dovey rapport with everyone. That doesn't mean I want to fall out with people, just that I want to feel that I can agree and disagree when I see fit, and not feel I have to keep quiet if its a friend posting.
But when I hear of others saying things like you need a thick skin, you need to stay with it, it will get easier, people saying go gentle on me etc, I wonder whether as regulars we've got so used to the way it is that we can't see it as clearly as a newcomer can.
The other thing I think is that newbies come and go, regulars are long stay. The forums continue to have this bad press at times, so is it us.
To be fair some newbies approach things in an offensive way and people will reciprocate in kind.
The leaving thread for example, a lady left last week, thanked us all and said that swinging did not fit in with her new lifeastyle, lovely positive thread, someone else said they are leaving cos its full of timewasters, not so good response, so in this case the regulars aren't to blame entirely
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
There are a variety of issues here.
The rolling of eyes at the same question being asked again and again, is justified i think, forum search is right there.
If you genuinely want to know what women think of cock size, rather than just trying to highlight the fact you think you are vwe then use it!
Secondly there is often a lack of understanding of how forums work, i used to be on a rants one on acertain fet site, god forbid anyone actually try to have a rant But even more generally they re pretty rough places.i know i have been upset when i have felt under personal attack,however, the cut and thrust of the debate is a feature of the online world.
Thirdly, and perhaps harder to quantify isthe fact this is a sex/swinging site.Whilst some post without caring if it gets them a shag it is worth being aware of the fact it is in some peoples minds, and therefore affects how they post.
Which brings me to my fourth point...group think, swinging forums seem to particually suffer from this, if one or two forumites post ,there will be a tranche of people agreeing with them, not a clique, but perhaps intimidating for newbies.i was greatly amused by 2 recent threads on poppers,which took opposing lines, because, i believe of who first posted.
Regarding lurkers,surely if they read frequently they will be aware of the attitude of the forumites, and not surprised by any attitudes/behaviour/treatment.
lastly i think this is a particually friendly welcoming forum, but ppl reap what they sow. Once you post in an open forum you nave to accept that anyone can reply in any way so long as they do not break forum rules. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"There are a variety of issues here.
The rolling of eyes at the same question being asked again and again, is justified i think, forum search is right there.
If you genuinely want to know what women think of cock size, rather than just trying to highlight the fact you think you are vwe then use it!
Secondly there is often a lack of understanding of how forums work, i used to be on a rants one on acertain fet site, god forbid anyone actually try to have a rant But even more generally they re pretty rough places.i know i have been upset when i have felt under personal attack,however, the cut and thrust of the debate is a feature of the online world.
Thirdly, and perhaps harder to quantify isthe fact this is a sex/swinging site.Whilst some post without caring if it gets them a shag it is worth being aware of the fact it is in some peoples minds, and therefore affects how they post.
Which brings me to my fourth point...group think, swinging forums seem to particually suffer from this, if one or two forumites post ,there will be a tranche of people agreeing with them, not a clique, but perhaps intimidating for newbies.i was greatly amused by 2 recent threads on poppers,which took opposing lines, because, i believe of who first posted.
Regarding lurkers,surely if they read frequently they will be aware of the attitude of the forumites, and not surprised by any attitudes/behaviour/treatment.
lastly i think this is a particually friendly welcoming forum, but ppl reap what they sow. Once you post in an open forum you nave to accept that anyone can reply in any way so long as they do not break forum rules."
I disagree about newbies knowing about the forum search. When i very first went on to a site forum, i wasnt aware of all the funtions that you could use and if some newbies have never been on a site before i dont think they can be expected to know these things exist. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"There are a variety of issues here.
The rolling of eyes at the same question being asked again and again, is justified i think, forum search is right there.
If you genuinely want to know what women think of cock size, rather than just trying to highlight the fact you think you are vwe then use it!
Secondly there is often a lack of understanding of how forums work, i used to be on a rants one on acertain fet site, god forbid anyone actually try to have a rant But even more generally they re pretty rough places.i know i have been upset when i have felt under personal attack,however, the cut and thrust of the debate is a feature of the online world.
Thirdly, and perhaps harder to quantify isthe fact this is a sex/swinging site.Whilst some post without caring if it gets them a shag it is worth being aware of the fact it is in some peoples minds, and therefore affects how they post.
Which brings me to my fourth point...group think, swinging forums seem to particually suffer from this, if one or two forumites post ,there will be a tranche of people agreeing with them, not a clique, but perhaps intimidating for newbies.i was greatly amused by 2 recent threads on poppers,which took opposing lines, because, i believe of who first posted.
Regarding lurkers,surely if they read frequently they will be aware of the attitude of the forumites, and not surprised by any attitudes/behaviour/treatment.
lastly i think this is a particually friendly welcoming forum, but ppl reap what they sow. Once you post in an open forum you nave to accept that anyone can reply in any way so long as they do not break forum rules.
I disagree about newbies knowing about the forum search. When i very first went on to a site forum, i wasnt aware of all the funtions that you could use and if some newbies have never been on a site before i dont think they can be expected to know these things exist. "
it is a very rare website that doesnt have a search facility, if they are more computer illiterate than me then im amazed they are on the site at all |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"There are a variety of issues here.
The rolling of eyes at the same question being asked again and again, is justified i think, forum search is right there.
If you genuinely want to know what women think of cock size, rather than just trying to highlight the fact you think you are vwe then use it!
Secondly there is often a lack of understanding of how forums work, i used to be on a rants one on acertain fet site, god forbid anyone actually try to have a rant But even more generally they re pretty rough places.i know i have been upset when i have felt under personal attack,however, the cut and thrust of the debate is a feature of the online world.
Thirdly, and perhaps harder to quantify isthe fact this is a sex/swinging site.Whilst some post without caring if it gets them a shag it is worth being aware of the fact it is in some peoples minds, and therefore affects how they post.
Which brings me to my fourth point...group think, swinging forums seem to particually suffer from this, if one or two forumites post ,there will be a tranche of people agreeing with them, not a clique, but perhaps intimidating for newbies.i was greatly amused by 2 recent threads on poppers,which took opposing lines, because, i believe of who first posted.
Regarding lurkers,surely if they read frequently they will be aware of the attitude of the forumites, and not surprised by any attitudes/behaviour/treatment.
lastly i think this is a particually friendly welcoming forum, but ppl reap what they sow. Once you post in an open forum you nave to accept that anyone can reply in any way so long as they do not break forum rules.
I disagree about newbies knowing about the forum search. When i very first went on to a site forum, i wasnt aware of all the funtions that you could use and if some newbies have never been on a site before i dont think they can be expected to know these things exist.
it is a very rare website that doesnt have a search facility, if they are more computer illiterate than me then im amazed they are on the site at all "
well the very first time i went on a website i found it hard enough to locate the forums let alone anything else, i learnt over a period of time about different things. As you say it is a rare site that doesnt have the facility but if youve never been on a site before how are you supposed to know the set up of them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"depends on what they've got to say for themselves when they arrive.
that, above everything, i believe will have a direct effect on how they are treated by existing users.
for me, the scenarios given below are just some that affect how a new user might be treated neagtively :
a lack of social skills in general
an inability to control or direct their temper
an inability to recognise what is acceptable and isn't in general conversation
the inability not to personalise feedback that doesn't match their own ideas
focussed negativity
exhibiting insulting / distasteful behaviour towards other users
posting the same thread in different guises over a short period
assuming the forums are an automatic springboard to extra shags
I would recommend that new forum users, sit back, watch and work out some of the dynamics before making an initial post.
Forge relationships / friendships with existing users either publically or in private.
Once people get to know you a little better, you will get away with more than you would as a newbie poster - as people 'know' you that little bit better.
So in essence, if people don't type the way you want them to you won't welcome them?
I think thats where lies the problem on here at times
I think telling people what they should be doing so it suits a certain few is a big no no too....if I was a new user I would be telling people where to get off.
I didn't forge friendships with exsisting users before joining the forums, I didn't need to to be able to add to posts.
As another user said up there....being new and having a whinge isn't a bad thing, it just gets treated differently than if it is a regular poster doing it....and when the new user sees the nasty/ condesending/ patronising comments turn up ( which most of the time they do )I can't say I am surprised that they react.
Obviously some new posters post insulting new threads, which are normally dealt with if a mod is on....but most of the time the rot starts because the regulars have seen it before, get pissed off of seeing it but comment anyway. they then give advice and get more pissed off that the new poster doesn't want to take that advice....it is their right not to if they don't want to.
What would be good is if ALL new posters where welcomed whatever the subject is about....and if people don't like the subject as it winds you all up so much then ignore it....it really is that simple."
Well said Ruggers and the post you quote goes some way towards explaining why these forums are as stale as they are.
Observe how we post, make friends with us before posting. WHY??
What happened to vibrant conversations where many _iews can be aired? Seems like the clique just want a load of "mini me's" to perpetuate the way things are on here.
Stale. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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'Newbie Friendly'...???
Nope! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I rarely post on these forums, but i do use them alot for finding things out, party game ideas, knowledge about the scene etc. When I do post, sometimes I get ignored, other times I get a response. I think it's like a lot of other forums in that respect.
As for this forum/site specifically, I think there are far too many newbies who assume fab is a fuck and go site, rather than an online portal for swingers and the lifestyle so there should be more stringent rules for newbies posting, maybe even supporters only, but that is not my call.
I see the site having 4 types of users. timewasters, messagers, forum users, and chat users. Now I know people do mix it up a bit but as a general rule of thumb it's something that I see regularly, same people in chat, same posters in the forum etc. And while some newbies complain about not getting anywhere or being accepted, I see it, (being a realtive newbie myself)as a kind of social club different rooms (areas of the site) where different people feel more at ease. As to there being a clique, so what if there is, you wouldn't just walk into a social club and expect everyone to want you to sit at their table.
just my penny.
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts."
You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I rarely post on these forums, but i do use them alot for finding things out, party game ideas, knowledge about the scene etc. When I do post, sometimes I get ignored, other times I get a response. I think it's like a lot of other forums in that respect.
As for this forum/site specifically, I think there are far too many newbies who assume fab is a fuck and go site, rather than an online portal for swingers and the lifestyle so there should be more stringent rules for newbies posting, maybe even supporters only, but that is not my call.
I see the site having 4 types of users. timewasters, messagers, forum users, and chat users. Now I know people do mix it up a bit but as a general rule of thumb it's something that I see regularly, same people in chat, same posters in the forum etc. And while some newbies complain about not getting anywhere or being accepted, I see it, (being a realtive newbie myself)as a kind of social club different rooms (areas of the site) where different people feel more at ease. As to there being a clique, so what if there is, you wouldn't just walk into a social club and expect everyone to want you to sit at their table.
just my penny.
"
Crickey...what could I get for a quid?  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Keep the forums as they are. I was eviscerated for my first post, so everybody should be!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well said Ruggers and the post you quote goes some way towards explaining why these forums are as stale as they are.
Observe how we post, make friends with us before posting. WHY??
What happened to vibrant conversations where many _iews can be aired? Seems like the clique just want a load of "mini me's" to perpetuate the way things are on here.
Stale."
I fear my initial comments may have been taken a little out of context here.
The essence of what I was trying to get across is that there are ways and means of conducting yourself in life and I don't feel that these forums should be any different.
As for 'vibrant discussion' I'm all for that, just not deliberate attempts to rattle cages for the sake of it. |
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If i get shot down in flames i just open a new thread, if i have a diagreement with someone it usually stays on that thread, but if someone purposly winds me expect back as good as you give |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts.
You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic."
Sorry, did someone post something?  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts.
You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic.
Sorry, did someone post something? "
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts.
You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic.
Sorry, did someone post something?
"
xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am mostly a lurker, i do enjoy reading the threads, the banter and contention, i do feel its hard for newbies, but also know like anywhere in life if you stick your neck out and make a statement, you should never be shocked if you don't always get the reactions you expect, if one at all.
A sense of humour is vital to life and no different here, there are definitely problems with the written form, as body language, as well as tone and pitch in verbal communication make up the majority of what we communicate.
I enjoy making a cheeky comment but i know sometimes it isn't taken that way, so i am usually picky who i make them with. But i rarely take offence over someone's opinion of me, having said that it hasn't always been the case, its something i have learned over time in life.
The Opening posters point about some of the in jokes and exclusivity is surely the same anywhere, if you go into a pub or any social circle and try to join in, there are always in jokes and banter you struggle to understand or be included in to begin with.
However sometimes this can be ratcheted up to exclude someone, not always intentionally, though i rarely see it here, and i have seen others jump to nip this in the bud sometimes, which i respect as it shows a willingness to include newbies, i guess the big thing to remember is we we are all new at some point and try to empathise and remember what that is like.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive been swinging 10 years, been on this site aprox 6 years and have just started using the forums. I read threads, i hate using the word " cliques' but people need to be aware alot of people using forums have met each other in real life maybe threw swinging with them or at a social, or both? Therefore the banter is better, they will reply to each others posts etc. And why not? I dont feel outcasted because of it, i enjoy the reading. I have my say on some threads and never had no trouble had abit of banter along the way and i see it all as fun. We have to remember everyone is different. Some observe, some meet n greet, others snipe and bitch at every oppertunity, but thats life? I take everything i read lighthearted, and id not worry too much about it, i myself is here to have a good time and enjoy myself and im hoping everyone else will be doing the same xx |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
[Removed by poster at 16/01/12 15:12:01] |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts.
You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic.
Sorry, did someone post something?
xxx"
Hmph! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been swinging 10 years, been on this site aprox 6 years and have just started using the forums. I read threads, i hate using the word " cliques' but people need to be aware alot of people using forums have met each other in real life maybe threw swinging with them or at a social, or both? Therefore the banter is better, they will reply to each others posts etc. And why not? I dont feel outcasted because of it, i enjoy the reading. I have my say on some threads and never had no trouble had abit of banter along the way and i see it all as fun. We have to remember everyone is different. Some observe, some meet n greet, others snipe and bitch at every oppertunity, but thats life? I take everything i read lighthearted, and id not worry too much about it, i myself is here to have a good time and enjoy myself and im hoping everyone else will be doing the same xx "
Nicely summed up .... could have waited 5 minutes and saved myself a post ...not that im lazy |
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"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts.
You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic.
Sorry, did someone post something?
xxx
Hmph?"
Yes please, if you're offering. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been a member of fabs for over two years and generally have been happy with everything about it. I have often posted and my posts have been warmly recieved with friendly banter and good humour.
However, the question is how friendly and welcoming is the forum. .
It’s interesting to read the varied responses, and even more interesting that only yesterday some of you "more hardened and longer term members" positively tore to pieces someone asking for help over what they thought was a serious issue!!!
I actually messaged this person privately to try and help, but people on this thread were not so pleasant, polite, or helpful. Yesterday I felt that person was bullied on here, and then once the clique managed to get the thread removed another was started to thank admin. That fair enough, but then this was used to slate and continue to have a go at the user!!!
Looking today it seems it was removed, but how smug do some of you regulars feel knowing that you have probably genuinely upset someone?? I think you don’t care, fair enough it’s not called "love everyone swingers.com", but please don’t sit here less than 24 hours later saying you’re a friendly bunch!!!
This is not meant for all posters on this thread today, but I have seen a few who were involved. Perhpas short term memory issues are to blame? lol
Right, sits back in corner and waits for the first attack!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some forumistas seem to only want to post "Yeuch" or "Icky" or "I knew I should not have looked at this thread" or "it's a death sentence/ russian roulette" or "sigh, a single male complains".
Others can be funny, wise, helpful, open-mined and extremely knowledgable.
Bit like the world at large really. |
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Everyone was new once.... so it is at least survivable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone was new once.... so it is at least survivable."
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
What I was tempted to say as an answer was
"No, now F*** off and do one"
but I would have been reported to death to Admin and gave them more work , so thought better of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's abit harsh |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Oh come on....it was a joke...ie...oh never mind...thats why I didn't say it in the first place. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts.
You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic.
Sorry, did someone post something?
xxx
Hmph?
Yes please, if you're offering."
LOL cheeky. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I knew you was joking haha |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I knew you was joking haha"
Phew ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I knew you was joking haha
Phew ! "
Lifes not fun if you take things seriously |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
I'm amused that the forum is being spoken about as if it's an entity.
It's simple.
When everyone agrees with you - you applaud.
When people don't share your thoughts you become indignant.
It's the shifting dynamic. Nothing else.
As for opinion or banter...it's NOT the forumites or the imaginary clique that make this a bland , dull place at times.
It's everyone following the rules and others hitting the report button just cos someone said something they don't like.
Petty Playground. |
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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago
from a town near you |
ok im a newbie only been on here about 9 weeks,im a lurker sometimes i enjoy reading what people have to say,i dont always post because im not fast enough,and yes there is a certain clique you would expect that surely, some people have been on here ages and actualy met each other so no problem,it makes me want to go to one of the socials and actualy meet some of the people on here,
and i have to say no ones been awful to me even if they havent agreed with me,but hell thats life,you cant all agree,i have been made to feel quite welcome |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
While im letting my scouse cool ......
Why do people always cite this scenario .. e.g. A newbie posts then ten of the clique/regulars shoot them down.
Try this for a change....
Someone ( regardless of membership status/ length / forum newbie /lurker/regular / chat bod / meeter /fake ) starts a thread.
FIRST to answer is MrX of Bristol. He disagrees.
SECOND to post is MrsDD of Swansea. She has NO fucking idea that MrX is posting at the same time. She's never met him. She doesn't know his politics. She's only posting what she's posting. She too disagrees with the O.P.
THIRD to post is MsLuvsItUpMe of Fife. She is totally unaware of MrX and MrsDD. Never met them. Never read them. Won't even read them now as she's about to have what she loves n logs off. She too disagrees with the O.P.
FOURTH is me. I've read the O.P and the following threads. I too disagree with the O.P and put my alternative _iew. I've still never heard of MrX. MrsDD . MsLuvitUpMe. I just consider them hightly intelligent for some unknown reason and hope they'll post again.
FIFTH , SIXTH , SEVENTH are forumites i've heard of but who for geographical reasons I am never likely to meet. I've read their posts before but we are NOT bussom buddies NOR blood relations. In fact one of them only joined last week. Two disagree with the O.P and one agrees with the O.P.
And so on and so forth ....
It does not follow logically that just because a string of people disagree with the O.P that they are a clique. Most of the time they are unaware that each other is posting and all probably believe they are the first respondant unless they came in later down the line.
There is no 'clique'
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Crickey...what could I get for a quid? "
looking at your profile, I wish you could get to newcastle for a quid |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I rarely post on these forums, but i do use them alot for finding things out, party game ideas, knowledge about the scene etc. When I do post, sometimes I get ignored, other times I get a response. I think it's like a lot of other forums in that respect.
As for this forum/site specifically, I think there are far too many newbies who assume fab is a fuck and go site, rather than an online portal for swingers and the lifestyle so there should be more stringent rules for newbies posting, maybe even supporters only, but that is not my call.
I see the site having 4 types of users. timewasters, messagers, forum users, and chat users. Now I know people do mix it up a bit but as a general rule of thumb it's something that I see regularly, same people in chat, same posters in the forum etc. And while some newbies complain about not getting anywhere or being accepted, I see it, (being a realtive newbie myself)as a kind of social club different rooms (areas of the site) where different people feel more at ease. As to there being a clique, so what if there is, you wouldn't just walk into a social club and expect everyone to want you to sit at their table.
just my penny.
"
i think the pub analogy works well for chat and the forums, and like your added idea of the areas of the site being analogous to different rooms...
there is an element of what type of pub is this but i would be stealing someone elses idea if i went more into that |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"While im letting my scouse cool ......
Why do people always cite this scenario .. e.g. A newbie posts then ten of the clique/regulars shoot them down.
Try this for a change....
Someone ( regardless of membership status/ length / forum newbie /lurker/regular / chat bod / meeter /fake ) starts a thread.
FIRST to answer is MrX of Bristol. He disagrees.
SECOND to post is MrsDD of Swansea. She has NO fucking idea that MrX is posting at the same time. She's never met him. She doesn't know his politics. She's only posting what she's posting. She too disagrees with the O.P.
THIRD to post is MsLuvsItUpMe of Fife. She is totally unaware of MrX and MrsDD. Never met them. Never read them. Won't even read them now as she's about to have what she loves n logs off. She too disagrees with the O.P.
FOURTH is me. I've read the O.P and the following threads. I too disagree with the O.P and put my alternative _iew. I've still never heard of MrX. MrsDD . MsLuvitUpMe. I just consider them hightly intelligent for some unknown reason and hope they'll post again.
FIFTH , SIXTH , SEVENTH are forumites i've heard of but who for geographical reasons I am never likely to meet. I've read their posts before but we are NOT bussom buddies NOR blood relations. In fact one of them only joined last week. Two disagree with the O.P and one agrees with the O.P.
And so on and so forth ....
It does not follow logically that just because a string of people disagree with the O.P that they are a clique. Most of the time they are unaware that each other is posting and all probably believe they are the first respondant unless they came in later down the line.
There is no 'clique'
"
mmm with red cabbage? |
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Oh Yessssssssss....... red n pickled. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Generally not overly friendly, No. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Oh Yessssssssss....... red n pickled. "
it is the only way.. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Generally not overly friendly, No."
Agreed...a lot of newbies dont seem to hang around for long. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"While im letting my scouse cool ......
Why do people always cite this scenario .. e.g. A newbie posts then ten of the clique/regulars shoot them down.
Try this for a change....
Someone ( regardless of membership status/ length / forum newbie /lurker/regular / chat bod / meeter /fake ) starts a thread.
FIRST to answer is MrX of Bristol. He disagrees.
SECOND to post is MrsDD of Swansea. She has NO fucking idea that MrX is posting at the same time. She's never met him. She doesn't know his politics. She's only posting what she's posting. She too disagrees with the O.P.
THIRD to post is MsLuvsItUpMe of Fife. She is totally unaware of MrX and MrsDD. Never met them. Never read them. Won't even read them now as she's about to have what she loves n logs off. She too disagrees with the O.P.
FOURTH is me. I've read the O.P and the following threads. I too disagree with the O.P and put my alternative _iew. I've still never heard of MrX. MrsDD . MsLuvitUpMe. I just consider them hightly intelligent for some unknown reason and hope they'll post again.
FIFTH , SIXTH , SEVENTH are forumites i've heard of but who for geographical reasons I am never likely to meet. I've read their posts before but we are NOT bussom buddies NOR blood relations. In fact one of them only joined last week. Two disagree with the O.P and one agrees with the O.P.
And so on and so forth ....
It does not follow logically that just because a string of people disagree with the O.P that they are a clique. Most of the time they are unaware that each other is posting and all probably believe they are the first respondant unless they came in later down the line.
There is no 'clique'
"
I don't write swear words very often Granny... but that's fucking perfect! |
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"Generally not overly friendly, No.
Agreed...a lot of newbies dont seem to hang around for long."
thats true of any forum |
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I think it is like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it.
I remember when I 1st started posting, I noticed a lot of the posters where from the mainland and very few and far between from Northern Ireland. I plodded on and I think one of the very 1st Post I created was "does my bum look big" and had avatar pic of my bum up. It was a piss take of myself but it got me noticed (slightly)
The more you post the more people can see your personality and the way you think. Yes there was times when I thought I was a thread killer, but in honesty that was my take on it.
All in all the more you post the more you will get noticed. Yes it can be daunting the 1st few times but persistance does pay off in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it is like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it.
I remember when I 1st started posting, I noticed a lot of the posters where from the mainland and very few and far between from Northern Ireland. I plodded on and I think one of the very 1st Post I created was "does my bum look big" and had avatar pic of my bum up. It was a piss take of myself but it got me noticed (slightly)
The more you post the more people can see your personality and the way you think. Yes there was times when I thought I was a thread killer, but in honesty that was my take on it.
All in all the more you post the more you will get noticed. Yes it can be daunting the 1st few times but persistance does pay off in the end. "
I remember that bum thread.... I was a newbie at the time too lol.
....it's funny because I didn't realise you were new too! It's a funny thing 'perception'. xx |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I think it is like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it.
I remember when I 1st started posting, I noticed a lot of the posters where from the mainland and very few and far between from Northern Ireland. I plodded on and I think one of the very 1st Post I created was "does my bum look big" and had avatar pic of my bum up. It was a piss take of myself but it got me noticed (slightly)
The more you post the more people can see your personality and the way you think. Yes there was times when I thought I was a thread killer, but in honesty that was my take on it.
All in all the more you post the more you will get noticed. Yes it can be daunting the 1st few times but persistance does pay off in the end.
I remember that bum thread.... I was a newbie at the time too lol.
....it's funny because I didn't realise you were new too! It's a funny thing 'perception'. xx"
Thats it, everyones perception on things will vary to a degree.
P.S. I didn't realise you where a newbie then either |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
Do i think the forum is newbie friendly? No i dont think it is....new guys generally get less favourable responses than new gals...but on the whole no i dont think its over friendly.... |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"While im letting my scouse cool ......
Why do people always cite this scenario .. e.g. A newbie posts then ten of the clique/regulars shoot them down.
Try this for a change....
Someone ( regardless of membership status/ length / forum newbie /lurker/regular / chat bod /
meeter /fake ) starts a thread.
FIRST to answer is MrX of Bristol. He disagrees.
SECOND to post is MrsDD of Swansea. She has NO fucking idea that MrX is posting at the same time. She's never met him. She doesn't know his politics. She's only posting what she's posting. She too disagrees with the O.P.
THIRD to post is MsLuvsItUpMe of Fife. She is totally unaware of MrX and MrsDD. Never met them. Never read them. Won't even read them now as she's about to have what she loves n logs off. She too disagrees with the O.P.
FOURTH is me. I've read the O.P and the following threads. I too disagree with the O.P and put my alternative _iew. I've still never heard of MrX. MrsDD . MsLuvitUpMe. I just consider them hightly intelligent for some unknown reason and hope they'll post again.
FIFTH , SIXTH , SEVENTH are forumites i've heard of but who for geographical reasons I am never likely to meet. I've read their posts before but we are NOT bussom buddies NOR blood relations. In fact one of them only joined last
week. Two disagree with the O.P and one agrees with the O.P.
And so on and so forth ....
It does not follow logically that just because a string of people disagree with the O.P that they are a clique. Most of the time they are unaware that each other is posting and all probably
believe they are the first respondant unless they came in later down the line.
There is no 'clique'
"
The fourm has waited so long for that answer pure class Granny well put xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do i think the forum is newbie friendly? No i dont think it is....new guys generally get less favourable responses than new gals...but on the whole no i dont think its over friendly...."
Again, it's a perception thing...
You could start a post in the next 60 seconds saying...
"I'm so effin' effed off my fella has bought me effin' jeffin' flip flops.... that's FLIP FLOPS
....he's such an effin' waste of space "
Us 'regulars' will see you are taking the piss because we know what's what when it comes to you and your shoes (nowt wrong with that).
A 'newbie' most probably won't have read your previous posts that have made it clear you don't find flip flops a complete waste of space and money and most probably taken your post completely out of your intended context and assumed you were being ungrateful about a gift (quite normal reaction).
I love seeing newbies join in, I've started threads inviting lurkers to start posting xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
How many places/community will welcome a complete stranger without any reservations?
People may say hi and bye to break the ice, however, they would largely keep themselves to themselves at the onset, until the so-called newbies become familiar faces.
FAB forums are no different.
I honestly cannot remember any hostilities directed at me when I was a newbie in the forums.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How many places/community will welcome a complete stranger without any reservations?
People may say hi and bye to break the ice, however, they would largely keep themselves to themselves at the onset, until the so-called newbies become familiar faces.
FAB forums are no different.
I honestly cannot remember any hostilities directed at me when I was a newbie in the forums.
"
Another cracking post! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Awww, you are too kind! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To be fair ... everyone has been really good to me and really helpful both on here or via private messages with advice and also being welcoming in general
Your all a nice bunch of people in this posters humble opinion! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
a couple of things here..
as i have said on various occasions... sometimes it does feel like regular forum users can't do right for wrong....
you don't agree... you're unfriendly...
you don't answer....you're unfriendly...
me personally.. i have never done fluff, and i don't particually do BS either...
People may knock the regulars, but they are the people who keep the forums going, I'd love it if they all didn't post for one day.... see what it would be like then...... bet it wouldn't be as lively as it would be otherwise....
i always use the pub analogy.... do people you don't know in a pub welcome you with open arms.... no.... really... hmmmm
are there many places in life that would embrace you without a care in the world...other than a church I can't think of many
so why should this place be any different to the "real world"....
this forum is like "JV" compared to my american university forum.. which has up to 10,000 people on it at any one time... that place is like a zoo!!! at the moment on a bank holiday weekend there are 3000 people on now...
I think those that are successful kinda see the lay of the land a bit before dipping a toe in.... and get a feel for it rather than jumping in with both feet.... not saying its wrong or right, but there are great ways to make a first impression and some not great ways of making one..... and people have a habit of mirroring 1st posts...
so if it negative... you get negativity back.... |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Do i think the forum is newbie friendly? No i dont think it is....new guys generally get less favourable responses than new gals...but on the whole no i dont think its over friendly....
Again, it's a perception thing...
You could start a post in the next 60 seconds saying...
"I'm so effin' effed off my fella has bought me effin' jeffin' flip flops.... that's FLIP FLOPS
....he's such an effin' waste of space "
Us 'regulars' will see you are taking the piss because we know what's what when it comes to you and your shoes (nowt wrong with that).
A 'newbie' most probably won't have read your previous posts that have made it clear you don't find flip flops a complete waste of space and money and most probably taken your post completely out of your intended context and assumed you were being ungrateful about a gift (quite normal reaction).
I love seeing newbies join in, I've started threads inviting lurkers to start posting xx"
The OP asked if we thought it was newbie friendly, i stated i dont think it is...i still dont think it is....on the whole it isnt....i will stick with my opinion....now gimme a flip flop...ten of the best? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A while ago there was a single guy, a young lad, who posted a lot, posts like 'who likes licking womens arses' and similar. He wasn't offensive, his posts were very base and simplistic, written in the style of a 12 year old boy.
When he posted his first couple of threads he was slated, nasty comments telling him to get off the forums, treating him like a child, ridiculing his posting style. He was gracious throughout and eventually some forum members took him to heart and respect was slowly formed for him. He had his 15 minutes of fame, but he went through his initiation. Some people treated him like he was stupid, I never saw him retaliate.
Did he deserve the underhand ridiculing and piss taking, should we have accepted his style from the off. I never knew whether he really was naïve to the tone of the comments or whether he was clever and pretended he didn't understand |
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in many ways this whole thread is tautological,we were all newbies once, if the forum wasnt newbie friendly then there would be no posters |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out. |
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"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out. "
witches |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out.
witches "
Thats right witches why pick up on it does the hat fit or summat? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have to say, well written granny! U said it all!
I am new, well with this profile, lurked for ages on my last profile and then awash brave and started commenting! Have had many responses of all walks of life and ages! Never been ridiculed or had a nasty comment! X I love the forum and helps me pass many a late evening!
Was gutted when I got a new profile and wasn't able to comment for 168 hours
But here I am again and I love it! Who cares if people comment back on what u said or not! and if they have a go, well so be it! It's not as if we have to live with these people is it!? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out.
witches "
I have a witches hat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out.
witches
I have a witches hat. "
Cool, mind never seen you stirring the big cooking pot with a victim in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it Newbie friendly, I would say overall no. The newbies who persevere and have a thick skin make it through. But having been on this site for 3 years I have seen alot on the forums and overall it isn't. Which is a shame really because we were all new once. This thread is good as it is making us all aware for the future newbies that come on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it Newbie friendly, I would say overall no. The newbies who persevere and have a thick skin make it through. But having been on this site for 3 years I have seen alot on the forums and overall it isn't. Which is a shame really because we were all new once. This thread is good as it is making us all aware for the future newbies that come on."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it Newbie friendly, I would say overall no. The newbies who persevere and have a thick skin make it through. But having been on this site for 3 years I have seen alot on the forums and overall it isn't. Which is a shame really because we were all new once. This thread is good as it is making us all aware for the future newbies that come on."
I'm guessing i've missed something in the last few days from some of the comments there are a lot of good comment above for me i just persevere and try to have a thick skin. I don't understand some of forum, but find them useful to learn from.
I do feel some of the long time people get fed up with the same subjects coming up and forget people/newbies haven't read/seen or looked at the older posts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I do feel some of the long time people get fed up with the same subjects coming up and forget people/newbies haven't read/seen or looked at the older posts."
Lol that's the beauty of my goldfish memory everything is new ta me
I often look at back posts and think did I write that?
And that's the ones I wrote 20 mins ago lol xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like too think i welcome all new members to Fab ,we were all newbies once so respect shouldnt be an issue. |
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Nope, not newbie friendly at all. It's very insular. I've been posting for over a year now and more often than not, my posts are overlooked and ignored. There are also a handful of people who never do anything but try and pick an argument or belittle what someone else has said and almost try and antagonise them into responding. Not some of the time, but ALL of the time.
Those who say 'persevere and you'll be accepted' are wrong.
I however, do not give a shit so I carry on posting anyway.
*Her* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Insular? I really don't think so
I post if someone answers then good if they don't I hardly ever notice to be honest
There is always a lot if talk about cliques on here
I really don't see that
What I do see us people ( a lot who gave actually met socially) talking to eachother
If a post interests me enough ta reply I will be it a newbie or a regular poster
I really don't take much notice anyway here ta piss about and relax
I rarely post owt serious unless it grabs me
My advice to anyone who feels they are being ignored is ta jump in smile be lighthearted and fook what anyone else thinks lol xx |
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By *ailrulezCouple
over a year ago
stourbridge |
We would say in all honesty, no. The forums are not at all newbie friendly. But to be fair that goes for nearly all internet forums of any sort. |
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"Nope, not newbie friendly at all. It's very insular. I've been posting for over a year now and more often than not, my posts are overlooked and ignored. There are also a handful of people who never do anything but try and pick an argument or belittle what someone else has said and almost try and antagonise them into responding. Not some of the time, but ALL of the time.
Those who say 'persevere and you'll be accepted' are wrong.
I however, do not give a shit so I carry on posting anyway.
*Her*"
I am quite surprised by your perspective. |
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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago
with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc |
I was worried about posting, as had been reminded in pm Im not a proper swinger blah blah blah.
However, I give it a go and some of the little responses I've had have been great in welcoming me to forums, others well no comment
I enjoy forums as it gives lots of other peoples _iews but really disheartens me to post when there are 'in jokes' or quite agressive posts.
But, I do understand the forum mentality and others thinking its a clique, may be it is? May be its just a group of acquaintences having a laugh?
Almost each poster deserves some form of respect even if you dont agree with their opinions or why they are on the site. If someone has been respectful to you, without knowing them, maybe you will be respectful to the next newbie or to just say hello would be nice?
Yes I said Almost... Te ones who want to stir some shit up about he said she said I'd rather watch paint dry than made to feel uncomfortable.
Oooo I got my gobby head on!
Im now back off to my corner |
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"We would say in all honesty, no. The forums are not at all newbie friendly. But to be fair that goes for nearly all internet forums of any sort."
Yep, there are a lot worse forums than this one.... even if you have tits you get ripped to bits.
Then there is the ol' matter of expectations. If you expect to be hugged for an hour by a queue of strangers you're not gonna think it is a nice place when it doesn't happen.
If folk come along and expect nothing other than the same functions to express their own personal _iews ... then at the very least their expectations will be met.
There are many pub analogies used when talking about forums, but forums are really very much like city centre pubs. Even when people look familiar, not everyone knows everyone else. People don't rush up to welcome you.... unless it is their job. And most of all, if a half a dozen friends are making a night of it to destress and catch up on who is doing what, they are unlikely to stop their conversations to make you feel special and wanted when they don't have a scooby doo who you are. You need to be prepared for the fact that you may end up standing at the bar on your own all night. |
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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago
with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc |
"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out.
witches
I have a witches hat. "
. Is. It all glittery and sparkly? |
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An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars.
But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it.
See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars.
But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it.
See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies!
"
Aye good point never thought a that xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars.
But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it.
See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies!
"
do u think we`ll ever be friends |
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"An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars.
But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it.
See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies!
do u think we`ll ever be friends "
May be........ if I am ever lobotomised |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars.
But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it.
See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies!
do u think we`ll ever be friends
May be........ if I am ever lobotomised "
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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago
with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc |
Hmmmm I class myself as a newbie on here and will reply if I have something to say which is relevant to the discussion and try not to get involved in personal vendettors or arguments from other threads.
No use in looking for blame as newbies and 'forumites' who have been here longer, maybe just pay relevance to the discussion raised rather than some posters who dive in and have a go or ignore/overlooks points made?
I just feel at times it is quite intimidating on here, but maybe thats me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we are unwelcome to newbies we fail ourselves as the site and the formums are only as good as its members. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everything depends on the outcome of interactions between people who post.
What people should really be asking themselves does it matter what this person thinks of me? I sense people are seeking approval of some kind.
"goes back to the outskirts..." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a newbie couple, we have found it difficult on here. I wouldn't say it's the regular peoples fault for this, from some of the idiotic messages we get (now blocked) from 'single' blokes on here it is no wonder people are the way we are. However after a couple of bad experiences for me and my wife, one good thing this site could use is a 'timewaster' button you can put against people......? Yes this has probably been discussed before, but as a new couple to this we feel it would be something good to have |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"As a newbie couple, we have found it difficult on here. I wouldn't say it's the regular peoples fault for this, from some of the idiotic messages we get (now blocked) from 'single' blokes on here it is no wonder people are the way we are. However after a couple of bad experiences for me and my wife, one good thing this site could use is a 'timewaster' button you can put against people......? Yes this has probably been discussed before, but as a new couple to this we feel it would be something good to have"
so after all that do you think the forums are friendly then? |
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Think they are friendly enough....
IF you got the skin of a feckin rhino |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Think they are friendly enough....
IF you got the skin of a feckin rhino "
i got nice soft skin.....no rhino here...but i get the horn if that counts? |
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"Think they are friendly enough....
IF you got the skin of a feckin rhino i got nice soft skin.....no rhino here...but i get the horn if that counts?"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been swinging 10 years, been on this site aprox 6 years and have just started using the forums. I read threads, i hate using the word " cliques' but people need to be aware alot of people using forums have met each other in real life maybe threw swinging with them or at a social, or both? Therefore the banter is better, they will reply to each others posts etc. And why not? I dont feel outcasted because of it, i enjoy the reading. I have my say on some threads and never had no trouble had abit of banter along the way and i see it all as fun. We have to remember everyone is different. Some observe, some meet n greet, others snipe and bitch at every oppertunity, but thats life? I take everything i read lighthearted, and id not worry too much about it, i myself is here to have a good time and enjoy myself and im hoping everyone else will be doing the same xx
Nicely summed up .... could have waited 5 minutes and saved myself a post ...not that im lazy "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Insular? I really don't think so
I post if someone answers then good if they don't I hardly ever notice to be honest
There is always a lot if talk about cliques on here
I really don't see that
What I do see us people ( a lot who gave actually met socially) talking to eachother
If a post interests me enough ta reply I will be it a newbie or a regular poster
I really don't take much notice anyway here ta piss about and relax
I rarely post owt serious unless it grabs me
My advice to anyone who feels they are being ignored is ta jump in smile be lighthearted and fook what anyone else thinks lol xx"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think they are friendly enough as with anything as long as you don't put stupid or irrelevant posts. However it would be nice if newbie's were embraced in to the community, but we understand the difficulties of doing this due to the fakes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 18/01/12 08:10:59] |
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surely life is about opinions, it would be boring if we all thought the same. tolerance and a smile goes a long way.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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personally i think some of the people on here are really rude and like to talk down to people, ive seen it first hand and it is not nice to see. A simple innocent question can get torn apart and the OP ripped to shreds at others enjoyment.!!! not good!!! and then you get the trolls who jump on the bandwagon and rip it to shreds further. Humanity, civility and politeness come free so there is no need for it! And its a shame as its only a few who do this, the main percentage are lovely lovely people, but the trolls who spend hours reading all the forums looking to put people down really do ruin it for others. |
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"personally i think some of the people on here are really rude and like to talk down to people, ive seen it first hand and it is not nice to see. A simple innocent question can get torn apart and the OP ripped to shreds at others enjoyment.!!! not good!!! and then you get the trolls who jump on the bandwagon and rip it to shreds further. Humanity, civility and politeness come free so there is no need for it! And its a shame as its only a few who do this, the main percentage are lovely lovely people, but the trolls who spend hours reading all the forums looking to put people down really do ruin it for others."
Yeahhhh I know what you mean.... and those who come on to post about people they have met before to say what a sad fruitloop they are and write "IN YOUR FACE" type messages to them.... why do they do it hey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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polo i havent a clue what your on about! |
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By *uss PussWoman
over a year ago
east cheshire |
Its a well known fact if you post in the forum you will get a shag |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
[Removed by poster at 18/01/12 10:50:55] |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
[Removed by poster at 18/01/12 10:51:46] |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
FFs will try again...my typing sucks today !
Ok posts have been removed....don't pick out certain posters when replying please.
Don't forget, people are allowed their opinion on this thread, wether you like it or not.
As someone said up there, if there are some honest answers, maybe the rest of us will listen to what newbies are seeing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a newbie i can def say that the forum is not newbie friendly and if you use it do you get a shag.....def not.....now will just wait to be shot down in flames once again |
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By *uss PussWoman
over a year ago
east cheshire |
"FFs will try again...my typing sucks today !
Ok posts have been removed....don't pick out certain posters when replying please.
Don't forget, people are allowed their opinion on this thread, wether you like it or not.
As someone said up there, if there are some honest answers, maybe the rest of us will listen to what newbies are seeing.
"
Hahahahaha you're crap ruggers |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"FFs will try again...my typing sucks today !
Ok posts have been removed....don't pick out certain posters when replying please.
Don't forget, people are allowed their opinion on this thread, wether you like it or not.
As someone said up there, if there are some honest answers, maybe the rest of us will listen to what newbies are seeing.
Hahahahaha you're crap ruggers "
I know It is the fat fingers that does it
Hello puss btw |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Being a newbie i can def say that the forum is not newbie friendly and if you use it do you get a shag.....def not.....now will just wait to be shot down in flames once again "
I think the shag comment was tongue in cheek
Welcome to the forums btw |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
I am pretty new to the forums and can't say I found it unfriendly.
Think the forums are what you make of them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!! |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!!"
Excuse me???????
Naming people on a forum in a derogatry way is against rules.
If a person named you in the same way the post would be pulled too.
Have your say by all means, without names. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!!"
Smile and it may just make others want to smile back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I did have my say, and i didnt name any names, i simply said i agreed with the poster up above, and then next minute his post was removed as well as mine, i thought this forum was about opinions!! i gave mine but it was not accepted and therefor removed.
No names were mentioned by myself. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I did have my say, and i didnt name any names, i simply said i agreed with the poster up above, and then next minute his post was removed as well as mine, i thought this forum was about opinions!! i gave mine but it was not accepted and therefor removed.
No names were mentioned by myself."
Yours was removed as you quoted his....nothing to do with your post at all. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Rugby..You changed your name?
"
Not for about two years no...give us a clue as to who you think we were |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!!
Excuse me???????
Naming people on a forum in a derogatry way is against rules.
If a person named you in the same way the post would be pulled too.
Have your say by all means, without names."
so how come one of the book club name me on forum and when I reported it nothing happened?? Rules for one and rules for others?? |
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"Rugby..You changed your name?
Not for about two years no...give us a clue as to who you think we were"
Not a complete change...But I always read your name as Ruby...Just noticed today it says Rugby lol |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!!
Excuse me???????
Naming people on a forum in a derogatry way is against rules.
If a person named you in the same way the post would be pulled too.
Have your say by all means, without names. so how come one of the book club name me on forum and when I reported it nothing happened?? Rules for one and rules for others??"
Not a clue.
But rather than turn this thread into " the big bad mod is biased to me but lets everyone post what they like"....maybe report it again or mail a mod with the link to the thread they can check it out again.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Rugby..You changed your name?
Not for about two years no...give us a clue as to who you think we were
Not a complete change...But I always read your name as Ruby...Just noticed today it says Rugby lol"
ah loads call us Ruby , you are not the only one to read it different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i don't think it is at times but can't be arsed to elaborate in an odd mood today sorry |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A relevant point was made for me which was that whilst all opinions are valid and should be embraced, sometimes sarcastic comments are written to put down a person solely for the enjoyment of others.
For the most part people will give their opinion, this may be in rather a forthright way. I don't think we should take the softly softly approach, sometimes dressing it up so it causes the least offence can sometimes make the post difficult to read and the point is lost in the amount of flannel. We cannot take responsibility for whether someone else is offended or not. But if someone posts sarcasm which relates to one person, is not relevant to the discussion with the sole intent to make someone look stupid and play to the crowd as part of enjoyment, then I feel uncomfortable with that.
Sometimes people get carried away and the intent is not there, its just banter but its taken a little too far, very hard really to try and judge something like this.
Its not about whether we should all agree in a positive way, we shouldn't, and we shouldn't lose our individual personalities. Don't be offended if noone agrees with you, but don't try and take the piss out of someone for no other reason than you want to and want to play to the crowd, this only exacerbates problems.
But that's an ideal world and we don't live in an ideal world |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
[Removed by poster at 18/01/12 12:29:35] |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
n my opinion and in one word. NO
I don't think intentional but it could be more friendly & welcoming to new posters. I could be and others. The new posters could also do more. The people who sit on the sideline waiting for these types of threads to appear and say 'No' could also do more.
In a community, everyone should play their part and be accountable for their contributions... both positive and negative.
Will it ever be welcoming to all..... in word NO.
There are the discontented with life let alone Fab, let alone the forums.... never gonna please them ever. |
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Its not so much that other do not agree with a thread a "newbie" has posted...
It is how they shoot them down n flames!
You can disagree and still be nice about it...
I have read threads from "regulars" that not all agree with...but the responses have been alot friendlier....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I happen to agree 110% with her soapy, x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I happen to agree 110% with her soapy, x"
Im actually aware many do agree with it im just saying sorry that people feel like that
I kinda felt the same when i first posted and i was extremely tentative
But posting regularly i actually realised that the scary ones wernt that bad and actually made scence
And believe you me there were some scary ones when i started lol xx |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
And yes you may all have met at clubs etc but some of us are all over the country and cant get to clubs, so we dont have the advantage of knowing you in person (and im sure you are lovely !!) but many of the clique post a scathing reply and then disapear, they light the touchfire and watch!!!!!!!! probably getting off on the fact that they have caused world war three and that some poor newbie is taking the flack while they sit there smiling. ITS WRONG AND NOT NICE
"
just wanted to cut this bit and comment on it...
because 10 minutes after this poster posted this... they "left the site"
irony being... they did exactly the same thing they accused others of doing...
" a scathing reply and then disapear, they light the touchfire and watch!!!!!!!! probably getting off on the fact that they have caused world war three "
yes people have met each other,
yes people are stuck in parts of the country (its not exactly "swinging central" in the north east)
I think that the pub analogy is a good one.... and yet you never hear people come back as to why isn't....
home many times do people truely accept others without getting a feel for them first... it doesn't happen in the real world, so why would it happen on ANY forum.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i know the girl who posted and she has had enough, and to be honest i cant blame her! So fair play to her for having her say before leaving, as no doubt she would have recieved another ban on the forums for speaking out, like many of us have had, for reasons that others clearly get away with!!
Yep double standards |
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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago
with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc |
"
home many times do people truely accept others without getting a feel for them first... it doesn't happen in the real world, so why would it happen on ANY forum.....
"
But there's a difference between being 'accepted' and being friendly.
If you walked into a pub and everyone had a go because you ordered a pint of bitter instead of lager, would you go back into that pub the following day?
If you walked in and you were given a warmish welcome, you would surely go back?
I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"i know the girl who posted and she has had enough, and to be honest i cant blame her! So fair play to her for having her say before leaving, as no doubt she would have recieved another ban on the forums for speaking out, like many of us have had, for reasons that others clearly get away with!!
Yep double standards"
but how do you know that others haven't been banned.....
for example... how many people notice that others haven't written a reply in lets say 24...48... or 72 hrs????
probably more than you realise..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you know what _abio, its attitudes ( yes argumentative ones) like you seem to enjoy that make these forums non enjoyable to the ones like me who wish to have a laugh and certainly not at others expenses, so as far as im concerned you can keep your forums, your little cliques and you can ask for this to be removed ( no doubt i will get a ban or a warning - im expecting it - after all im not in the clique) then you can run off and do your thank you admin arselick that normally happens. Im sticking to swinging its what i do best!!!!
Enjoy your forums - Im outta here!!!!!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fabio is probably the most even-handed and reasonable forum poster there has been!
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums. "
how was i treated... probably like most new people... but i have an extremely thick skin, a "water off a ducks back" attitute" and I lurked for a couple a weeks to get a feel for the place before i even set a toe in....
but I perservered with it....
so maybe i went about things "differently" than others.....
half of the reason any forum that works does is because people are attracted into joining, either by seeing the content or seeing how lively it is.....
without a core group of people no forum would work...
as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen....
48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both....
which would be busier???
people complain about the core of people... but without them this place wouldn't be half the place it was...
I can show you a great example not too far for here in swinging circles... website got bought out buy a business, they made changes... and people voted with their feet.....
not a shell of what it once was.... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Do you know what _abio, its attitudes ( yes argumentative ones) like you seem to enjoy that make these forums non enjoyable to the ones like me who wish to have a laugh and certainly not at others expenses, so as far as im concerned you can keep your forums, your little cliques and you can ask for this to be removed ( no doubt i will get a ban or a warning - im expecting it - after all im not in the clique) then you can run off and do your thank you admin arselick that normally happens. Im sticking to swinging its what i do best!!!!
Enjoy your forums - Im outta here!!!!!!!
"
so by disagreeing with what you said.. i am being arguementative.... i thought this was a conversation where all sides were put across!
you may like some sides..... you may not like others.... I am never going to agree with people on all topics, and i wouldn't expect the same...
so just who am i suppose to have "flamed" now... because i pointed out the irony of what someone said....
as i said... sometimes, you can't do right for doing wrong in some peoples eyes..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would like to think the forums here are a nice place for new people to hang-out chat post in, as you get to know people ... Some new posters thay look in alot. And at time for weeks months before posting in fair if thay say somthing wrong thay could be singled out ... Alot off the time it just light hearted fun here and a nice place to pass the time . You get good and bad in everything even here on fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
home many times do people truely accept others without getting a feel for them first... it doesn't happen in the real world, so why would it happen on ANY forum.....
But there's a difference between being 'accepted' and being friendly.
If you walked into a pub and everyone had a go because you ordered a pint of bitter instead of lager, would you go back into that pub the following day?
If you walked in and you were given a warmish welcome, you would surely go back?
I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums. "
Good post.
I dont buy the 'acceptance' argument that gets rolled out, people don't need to be 'accepted' in this context as if to reinforce some type of inner 'clique' scenario, but they should be respected and offered a friendly environment, just like if you walked into a pub.
Common courtesy should be a common denominator. I agree with some posters who have made the point that this isn't always the case. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Parrot time.
Everyone is entitled to post their _iews as long as they do it within the rules.
If a person breaks rules when having that _iew then don't be surprised if they recieve a ban.
Regulars/ trolls/ newbies...no one escapes a ban if they break rules.
If you have feedback about a mod or Admin themselves, then use the CONTACT button to send it... as Admin ask on the rules.
If you think a mod has missed something on the forums REPORT the post and Admin check it out.
Above all....if you don't break the forum rules, you won't recieve a ban.
If you do recieve a ban that you don't agree with, send your query from the same CONTACT button and if your ban has been given in error or is a wrong ban, it will be lifted straight away. |
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Mercedes use to have a booklet for its employees called ‘You Are A Towel’. In short the booklet explains how if a guest at a hotel finds they have been left a dirty towel in their bathroom, they will often start looking for more negatives to support their frustration over the towel. The guest will find faults where they previously didn’t see any, in the lobby, the bar, at reception and so on. They may just stop seeing the positives. This also works in reverse.
I am not going to start typing out stuff about perceptual positioning, but just keep it simple to the fact that often two people will look at something in a completely different light…. depending on the ‘towel’. Which is right and which is wrong… probably neither.
Once someone has decided ‘this is how it is’ they will often only see the things which support their perception …. it is the truth in their eyes, but very rarely accurate fact.
I don’t deny some people will find this and pretty much any other forum unfriendly, it is the truth of how they have chosen to see it. What they say they see though may not be fact.
Blanket statements of coercion, ‘the group’, being in cohorts with admin and so on will just make you look stupid.
Yes there are groups of friends on here, which kind of disproves the ‘unfriendly’ bit if you think about it… they were all strangers once. But amongst what you see as one big GROUP, there are also people who can’t stand each other, who will blank the other in a face to face situation, who have each other blocked. Regulars do disagree with each other, snipe (though often very subtly) and ignore entire threads because of which poster started it. Just because they appear to agree on a subject it doesn’t mean they are bosom buddies. It really is no different from life in general… smiling at your boss and walking off muttering “wanker”.
There are also plenty of advice threads which don’t turn into a massive bun fight, joke threads, fun threads… you name it…. if you want to see them. I have yet to see a ‘newbie’ add to a joke thread and then be told to ‘fuck off’.
In summary…. You will see what you want to see if you look hard enough for it.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen....
48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both....
which would be busier???
...."
Just to comment on this, as an example, when the big pussy party goes on on a Sunday ( I am using this as an example as it happens through the day) a lot of the regular posters seem to go....the forums ticked along the same way, a bit quiter than normal with less posts but not a huge amount.
This might not go down well and but I am being honest....it was the quietist Sunday that was on here in a long time ( Sunday has taken over Thursdays ) and it flowed along nicely...in fact a few new people turned up too so I think even if the regulars don't post, the forums won't dry up.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The real question should be are the forums newbie or user friendly,have noticed that it depends on the forum subject and of course if it is a nice fluffy subject it usually stsys fluffy but bring a bit of contreveristy into the thread and best advice is get your hard hat on |
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"
as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen....
48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both....
which would be busier???
"
Don't we sort of have that already with the 'Introductions' forum.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen....
48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both....
which would be busier???
....
Just to comment on this, as an example, when the big pussy party goes on on a Sunday ( I am using this as an example as it happens through the day) a lot of the regular posters seem to
go....the forums ticked along the same way, a bit quiter than normal with less posts but not a huge amount.
This might not go down well and but I am being honest....it was the quietist Sunday that was on here in a long time ( Sunday has taken over Thursdays ) and it flowed along nicely...in fact a few new people turned up too so I think even if
the regulars don't post, the forums won't dry up.
"
Nope ya right rugby the forums won't dry up
Since I've been posting a lot if the original regulars have actually left and others have taken their place
Life's like that lol
The point is though where do these new regulars come from?
Oh yes they were newbies that just bit the bullet and persevered instead of whinging about unaceptance
If some actually put as much effort into getting on with it as opposed to dissing it then I'm pretty sure fab would need bigger servers xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Going off-topic for a second. One gypsy thread has just been deleted whilst another, older one remains.
The deleted thread is started by a forum "newbie" the surviving thread is started by a forum regular.
Coincidence? I expect so. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Going off-topic for a second. One gypsy thread has just been deleted whilst another, older one remains.
The deleted thread is started by a forum "newbie" the surviving thread is started by a forum regular.
Coincidence? I expect so."
Not really...what it means is this mod can't read every thread at the same time so I am reading one at a time and dealing with one at a time if it needs it.
Of course it could also mean that two threads with the same subject has different answers to the other on.
Read up on my post about reporting things a mod might have missed rather than have digs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen....
48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both....
which would be busier???
Don't we sort of have that already with the 'Introductions' forum.
"
you ever saw the Introduction forums, newbies say hi and no one says hi back  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums.
how was i treated... probably like most new people... but i have an extremely thick skin, a "water off a ducks back" attitute" and I lurked for a couple a weeks to get a feel for the place before i even set a toe in....
but I perservered with it....
...."
Fabio, is that not the point that some of the posters on here are trying to make? Maybe you shouldn't need as thick a skin or to persevere with it. A welcoming environment could probably in some part be defined as not requiring those two characteristics.
I think what frustrates some posters is that certain people doggedly defend the status quo even when there is clearly an issue, or the topic would not raise it's head as often as it does.
It wouldn't hurt to acknowledge there is sometimes harsh treatment, it may even encourage other members to condemn it more readily.
The forums are not perfect, thank god, perfect is not possible and would be boring, but that doesn't mean it should not aspire.
Just because you needed a thick skin or may have endured a tough time doesn't mean others should have to aswell. |
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"Going off-topic for a second. One gypsy thread has just been deleted whilst another, older one remains.
The deleted thread is started by a forum "newbie" the surviving thread is started by a forum regular.
Coincidence? I expect so."
Doesn't some of it it depend on what was being posted in each of the two threads?
What a lot of 'newbies' don't seem to see (or haven't been around long enough to see) is just how many of the 'regulars' have been banned from posting, have had posts removed, threads closed, only had two replies and dropped off the page... and so on. |
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"
as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen....
48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both....
which would be busier???
Don't we sort of have that already with the 'Introductions' forum.
you ever saw the Introduction forums, newbies say hi and no one says hi back "
Doesn't that show how unfriendly the other newbies are? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen....
48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both....
which would be busier???
Don't we sort of have that already with the 'Introductions' forum.
you ever saw the Introduction forums, newbies say hi and no one says hi back
Doesn't that show how unfriendly the other newbies are?"
Maybe it shows that nobody can be arsed to say hello and people really are just a pack of whinging unfriendly feckers after all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Going off-topic for a second. One gypsy thread has just been deleted whilst another, older one remains.
The deleted thread is started by a forum "newbie" the surviving thread is started by a forum regular.
Coincidence? I expect so.
Doesn't some of it it depend on what was being posted in each of the two threads?
What a lot of 'newbies' don't seem to see (or haven't been around long enough to see) is just how many of the 'regulars' have been banned from posting, have had posts removed, threads closed, only had two replies and dropped off the page... and so on."
I'm sure we have all had or will have time outs from the forums at some point
because of a difference of opinion from either newbies or old hands posting in the forums with their _iews.
The reason for a forum is to discuss, agree, disagree and have light hearted banter. Unfortunately, we all have our own ideas of what is right and wrong, how things should be done and so on, its all part of being involved in the site forum.
Take the posts with a pinch of salt and treat it as banter, taking them too serious can only lead to upset. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Top and bottom if it is people will always see what THEY want to see and there is no changing that whatever anyone says xx |
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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago
with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc |
"
I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums.
how was i treated... probably like most new people... but i have an extremely thick skin, a "water off a ducks back" attitute" and I lurked for a couple a weeks to get a feel for the place before i even set a toe in....
but I perservered with it....
....
Fabio, is that not the point that some of the posters on here are trying to make? Maybe you shouldn't need as thick a skin or to persevere with it. A welcoming environment could probably in some part be defined as not requiring those two characteristics.
I think what frustrates some posters is that certain people doggedly defend the status quo even when there is clearly an issue, or the topic would not raise it's head as often as it does.
It wouldn't hurt to acknowledge there is sometimes harsh treatment, it may even encourage other members to condemn it more readily.
The forums are not perfect, thank god, perfect is not possible and would be boring, but that doesn't mean it should not aspire.
Just because you needed a thick skin or may have endured a tough time doesn't mean others should have to aswell. "
Thats what I was trying to say using the pub analogy.
Thanks for explaining it better than me |
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Actually, I want to reiterate that point.
There is a forum dedicated to newbies who want to introduce themselves and say hello….. most don’t even bother to say hello to each other.
Is the pot calling the kettle?
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Ok before this thread closes itself.
As Blackspice says, not everyone will have a thick skin and you shouldn't really need one if everyone respects other posters...new or old.
No one is saying the forums have to be fluffy, but when threads are not a fluffy subject, it should still be civil...after all we are all adults.
There has been a good few points on this thread about how newbies see things as well as how regulars see things....and it wouldn't hurt for everyone to think about other peoples _iew point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Following loosely on from Polos Mercedes analogy, a part of this debate I feel uncomfortable with is the attacks on the fairness of the mods and the suggestion of bias.
I do believe some people initially find the forums unfriendly and then continually look for 'evidence' to back that up.
The Mods are an easy target in this type of debate, I think it's easy to forget that they are individuals just making a judgement call based on what appears in black and white.
I don't believe they're biased, if I did those who know me know I would say.
New posters arrive with an expectation and are then faced with a reality, it takes some a little bit of time to adapt to that reality. I encourage regular posters to show empathy but not sympathy. Distasteful behaviour shouldn't just be left to Mods to 'police', regular contributors should also highlight and condemn it. |
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