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Sticking up for yourself
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
The truth will out in the end. It depends how highly you hold your integrity and self belief/respect. Would you feel worse doing it or not? If the friendship is as one sided as you say, does it matter to you that much? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
I have done previously. Recent times have made me realise that my true friends will take it and get over themselves. You already know they aren't holding up their side of the "friendship" so speaking your mind and standing your ground is fair I reckon. |
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It would depend on the situation,if you feel like you're being treated unfairly I would say something,suppose it depends how much you care/be bothered and what the fall out is.
Can you give more details to us? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
If it really is that one sided, it doesn't read as much of a friendship.
I try and weigh up with saying how I honestly feel and doing so tactfully if the person is a real friend - they should listen and not invalidate your feelings. Meh. It's never that simple really. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'll think about it objectively and see if I can give more details.
I'm an unlucky arse, there's actually 2 people I'm in this kind of situation with.
Off to eat some dandelions... back later. Thank you for the replies so far. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
If it's a one side friendship then it is not a true friendship.
If you feel as though you can't speak openly about the friendship the the so called friend then, this is not a true friendship.
Release those people who bring negativity into your life and release some weight. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I go all the way. If it means going to war so be it! I stick up for people I care about too. Had my nose broke twice doing it."
Yeah this is the issue, I do care so I stuck up for them but I got shot for it. I've had to lie to avoid causing them relationship issues but it's left me looking like an arsehole.
I can't win either way. I'm going to see what happens next. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"I go all the way. If it means going to war so be it! I stick up for people I care about too. Had my nose broke twice doing it.
Yeah this is the issue, I do care so I stuck up for them but I got shot for it. I've had to lie to avoid causing them relationship issues but it's left me looking like an arsehole.
I can't win either way. I'm going to see what happens next. "
Messenger always gets shot.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
If it's a one side friendship then it is not a true friendship.
If you feel as though you can't speak openly about the friendship the the so called friend then, this is not a true friendship.
Release those people who bring negativity into your life and release some weight."
I'm trying to fix things I can't fix. The ball is in their court. If I was a friend giving me advice I'd say I'm a fucking idiot.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
That's not a friend, surround yourself with people that make you feel good and that would do anything for you if you needed it. Don't let anybody use you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why waste your energy, if they were true friends you wouldn't need to defend yourself, they'd see things from your perspective.
Say your piece, hold your head high, walk away don't give it another thought.
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
Depends
I quite often don't defend myself because I simply can't be bothered and I don't care what the other person thinks of me as long as I know the truth. The other person in this situation is often unaware of the deep contempt in which I hold them  |
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
If it's a one side friendship then it is not a true friendship.
If you feel as though you can't speak openly about the friendship the the so called friend then, this is not a true friendship.
Release those people who bring negativity into your life and release some weight.
I'm trying to fix things I can't fix. The ball is in their court. If I was a friend giving me advice I'd say I'm a fucking idiot. "
Get Gorilla glue that fixes anything  |
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Tricky, I would try to avoid damaging someone's relationship if I could, but bottom line, I would not lie to do that - my integrity is my integrity, and I feel it's important to speak the truth. I will stay silent if it's expedient, but avoid lying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any more info to go on?
I always stick up for myself. If it’s a situation where I know something someone should know I’ll say it. If I’ve said something about someone and then that someone hears about it and questions me on it I’ll tell them directly what I said to their face.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
Depends
I quite often don't defend myself because I simply can't be bothered and I don't care what the other person thinks of me as long as I know the truth. The other person in this situation is often unaware of the deep contempt in which I hold them "
This describes me really well. On the outside I look like a doormat but life is just easier that way.
This might work, thanks. It's easier than defending myself to people who don't even give a shit about the truth.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll think about it objectively and see if I can give more details.
I'm an unlucky arse, there's actually 2 people I'm in this kind of situation with.
Off to eat some dandelions... back later. Thank you for the replies so far. "
Eat a happy carrot. He may bring you some inner peace. |
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
Pretty much dealing with something similar right now.
I'm not one to keep my mouth shut, and have no problem sticking up for myself, telling people exactly what I think.
But when it involves others who may get hurt, keeping quiet seems to be the only option, and yes I'm being made to look a c*nt in the process.
My one happy thought though.
People who live by the sword, die by the sword.
They'll eventually come across someone who plays the game better & dirtier than they do. |
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
Depends
I quite often don't defend myself because I simply can't be bothered and I don't care what the other person thinks of me as long as I know the truth. The other person in this situation is often unaware of the deep contempt in which I hold them
This describes me really well. On the outside I look like a doormat but life is just easier that way.
This might work, thanks. It's easier than defending myself to people who don't even give a shit about the truth.
"
We're not doormats Steelio. I don't know about you but if someone is important to me or in a professional situation I'll defend myself like a tigress. I just know how to pick battles wisely and who is worth my time |
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
If they only want you when they need something from you they're not a friend, just a user. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
If it was one sided, I'd say what I wanted and fuck 'em right off |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Any more info to go on?
I always stick up for myself. If it’s a situation where I know something someone should know I’ll say it. If I’ve said something about someone and then that someone hears about it and questions me on it I’ll tell them directly what I said to their face.
"
The guy is my ex fb. There was gossip about something his gf did that also affected him and people were laughing at them. I told him so he could sort it as it's shit when people talk about you behind your back.
I wouldn't tell him who was gossiping as many of them are his friends and I think that would make him feel really shit. So they were mad at me for not telling them who said stuff. But there would have been nothing to gossip about if his gf hadn't done the thing in the first place.
It's drama like primary school and I'm not used to it, I had no idea it would go this way.
If I tell the truth she'll find out her bf is my ex fb and also that he's been confiding personal stuff with me. She doesn't know and he's asked me not to say anything.
I'll run into her next week and I'm hoping she won't say anything. I've had to lie to protect my friend even though he dropped me in it with her.
It's like a really bad soap opera. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't be a doormat. Always stick up for yourself. Don't allow any one of them to walk over you. Spill and then least you can hold your head high and be at peace. |
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"Any more info to go on?
I always stick up for myself. If it’s a situation where I know something someone should know I’ll say it. If I’ve said something about someone and then that someone hears about it and questions me on it I’ll tell them directly what I said to their face.
The guy is my ex fb. There was gossip about something his gf did that also affected him and people were laughing at them. I told him so he could sort it as it's shit when people talk about you behind your back.
I wouldn't tell him who was gossiping as many of them are his friends and I think that would make him feel really shit. So they were mad at me for not telling them who said stuff. But there would have been nothing to gossip about if his gf hadn't done the thing in the first place.
It's drama like primary school and I'm not used to it, I had no idea it would go this way.
If I tell the truth she'll find out her bf is my ex fb and also that he's been confiding personal stuff with me. She doesn't know and he's asked me not to say anything.
I'll run into her next week and I'm hoping she won't say anything. I've had to lie to protect my friend even though he dropped me in it with her.
It's like a really bad soap opera. "
well it wasnt really fair to tell him half a story. I would of kept out of it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
Pretty much dealing with something similar right now.
I'm not one to keep my mouth shut, and have no problem sticking up for myself, telling people exactly what I think.
But when it involves others who may get hurt, keeping quiet seems to be the only option, and yes I'm being made to look a c*nt in the process.
My one happy thought though.
People who live by the sword, die by the sword.
They'll eventually come across someone who plays the game better & dirtier than they do. "
I can absolutely see that their relationship will all blow up without my 'help'.
Actually this goes for the other situation too, and I won't be there to get the blame.
Hope you get your stuff sorted too. |
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I've had many 1 sided friendships dating back a long time and up until November when I decided to put myself 1st.. this is where it becomes tough.because now..I have no one to talk to when I NEED someone..
Have a good think before you make any decisions and try to talk to your so called friends before you end up lonely  |
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"Any more info to go on?
I always stick up for myself. If it’s a situation where I know something someone should know I’ll say it. If I’ve said something about someone and then that someone hears about it and questions me on it I’ll tell them directly what I said to their face.
The guy is my ex fb. There was gossip about something his gf did that also affected him and people were laughing at them. I told him so he could sort it as it's shit when people talk about you behind your back.
I wouldn't tell him who was gossiping as many of them are his friends and I think that would make him feel really shit. So they were mad at me for not telling them who said stuff. But there would have been nothing to gossip about if his gf hadn't done the thing in the first place.
It's drama like primary school and I'm not used to it, I had no idea it would go this way.
If I tell the truth she'll find out her bf is my ex fb and also that he's been confiding personal stuff with me. She doesn't know and he's asked me not to say anything.
I'll run into her next week and I'm hoping she won't say anything. I've had to lie to protect my friend even though he dropped me in it with her.
It's like a really bad soap opera. "
Oh gawd! So basically he's keeping something from his girlfriend so you have to keep your mouth shut. Hmmm |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always found standing up for myself really challenging as have been used to letting others have their own way. For years I was a people pleaser.
Now, I just stop talking and stop engaging with people who have hurt me. I feel more grounded in who I am and know what's important to me. I guess it's my ninja move, just walk away and ignore, they soon get the message. |
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
I'd definitely say something, why cover up for someone when you admit they aren't really a friend |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've always found standing up for myself really challenging as have been used to letting others have their own way. For years I was a people pleaser.
Now, I just stop talking and stop engaging with people who have hurt me. I feel more grounded in who I am and know what's important to me. I guess it's my ninja move, just walk away and ignore, they soon get the message. "
You seem happier lately, I love that. You're a strong lady.
But there's nothing worse than ignoring someone who doesn't give a shit that I'm ignoring them.  |
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"I've always found standing up for myself really challenging as have been used to letting others have their own way. For years I was a people pleaser.
Now, I just stop talking and stop engaging with people who have hurt me. I feel more grounded in who I am and know what's important to me. I guess it's my ninja move, just walk away and ignore, they soon get the message.
You seem happier lately, I love that. You're a strong lady.
But there's nothing worse than ignoring someone who doesn't give a shit that I'm ignoring them. "
they will eventually when they want something from you. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
If the situation is making you unhappy then it’s better to end the friendships. I stood up for my daughter and I lost a friend of 10 years and another of 12 years only to subsequently discover that my so called friend had been stabbing me in the back.
I’m a happier person without their toxic friendship.
You’ve only known them a short while. You managed before you knew them and you will again without them. |
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By *oo32Man
over a year ago
tipperary |
"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
How can sticking up for yourself make you look like a c##t? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you saynothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
Drop them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it really is that one sided, it doesn't read as much of a friendship.
I try and weigh up with saying how I honestly feel and doing so tactfully if the person is a real friend - they should listen and not invalidate your feelings. Meh. It's never that simple really."
I always like to treat people how they treat me I also make a point of being super nice if they are a bit rubbish because not everyone thinks the same .
I have a rule
3strikes you are out ( & one for luck for the less clever ones ).
it works fine not everyone is your friend shut down what you give in order to find out what you get back in return and I'm not on about financial gain . Sometimes answering a call is all you need. ..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the situation is making you unhappy then it’s better to end the friendships. I stood up for my daughter and I lost a friend of 10 years and another of 12 years only to subsequently discover that my so called friend had been stabbing me in the back.
I’m a happier person without their toxic friendship.
You’ve only known them a short while. You managed before you knew them and you will again without them. "
Love this reply |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"I've always found standing up for myself really challenging as have been used to letting others have their own way. For years I was a people pleaser.
Now, I just stop talking and stop engaging with people who have hurt me. I feel more grounded in who I am and know what's important to me. I guess it's my ninja move, just walk away and ignore, they soon get the message.
You seem happier lately, I love that. You're a strong lady.
But there's nothing worse than ignoring someone who doesn't give a shit that I'm ignoring them. "
That last sentence says everything. If they don't give a shit they shouldn't matter. Save your energy for those that reciprocate your love.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
I don’t bother.
You should never need to stick up for yourself to a friend.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
That's not a friend, surround yourself with people that make you feel good and that would do anything for you if you needed it. Don't let anybody use you. "
100% agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any more info to go on?
I always stick up for myself. If it’s a situation where I know something someone should know I’ll say it. If I’ve said something about someone and then that someone hears about it and questions me on it I’ll tell them directly what I said to their face.
"
I bet you say that to yourself without pausing for breath. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the situation and the subject.
I don't always stick up for myself as I find it unecessary in some situation. However, there are situations where I cannot control myself and have to say something but it isn't usually to stick up for myself but to defend a cause that matter to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on the situation and the subject.
I don't always stick up for myself as I find it unecessary in some situation. However, there are situations where I cannot control myself and have to say something but it isn't usually to stick up for myself but to defend a cause that matter to me "
What would you do if someone tried to walk off with your trolley and your pound coin inside it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on the situation and the subject.
I don't always stick up for myself as I find it unecessary in some situation. However, there are situations where I cannot control myself and have to say something but it isn't usually to stick up for myself but to defend a cause that matter to me
What would you do if someone tried to walk off with your trolley and your pound coin inside it?"
I'll fucking shit on the guy's car's door's handle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on the situation and the subject.
I don't always stick up for myself as I find it unecessary in some situation. However, there are situations where I cannot control myself and have to say something but it isn't usually to stick up for myself but to defend a cause that matter to me
What would you do if someone tried to walk off with your trolley and your pound coin inside it?
I'll fucking shit on the guy's car's door's handle "
we would be trouble together! I’d lift up his windscreen wipers, the front ones and the back! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on the situation and the subject.
I don't always stick up for myself as I find it unecessary in some situation. However, there are situations where I cannot control myself and have to say something but it isn't usually to stick up for myself but to defend a cause that matter to me
What would you do if someone tried to walk off with your trolley and your pound coin inside it?
I'll fucking shit on the guy's car's door's handle
we would be trouble together! I’d lift up his windscreen wipers, the front ones and the back!"
That's what I am talking about !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
My one happy thought though.
People who live by the sword, die by the sword.
They'll eventually come across someone who plays the game better & dirtier than they do. "
Totally agree with this! The truth will out n karma is a b*tch.
I stuck up for someone on here a while ago when no-one else did but it’s literally been thrown back at me and more.
I just don’t care now, leave them to it if they want to surround themselves with liars and schemers x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always found standing up for myself really challenging as have been used to letting others have their own way. For years I was a people pleaser.
Now, I just stop talking and stop engaging with people who have hurt me. I feel more grounded in who I am and know what's important to me. I guess it's my ninja move, just walk away and ignore, they soon get the message. "
That was a strong post. Nice to see that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
I have done previously. Recent times have made me realise that my true friends will take it and get over themselves. You already know they aren't holding up their side of the "friendship" so speaking your mind and standing your ground is fair I reckon."
Yep, but also take the advice above too. Truth will come out in the end. good luck op, true friends will always be there for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The truth will out in the end. It depends how highly you hold your integrity and self belief/respect. Would you feel worse doing it or not? If the friendship is as one sided as you say, does it matter to you that much?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My one happy thought though.
People who live by the sword, die by the sword.
They'll eventually come across someone who plays the game better & dirtier than they do.
Totally agree with this! The truth will out n karma is a b*tch.
I stuck up for someone on here a while ago when no-one else did but it’s literally been thrown back at me and more.
I just don’t care now, leave them to it if they want to surround themselves with liars and schemers x "
Some interesting posts in here. Many things I agree with, but I will add the following:
Always defend yourself no matter what happens or things become tough. Even if you become a target/isolated carry on regardless. The number one thing a schemer does not like is you having more fun then they are. Completely winds them up and they become screamers...
I always try to look for the good in people and want to be inclusive/engage with them, but some just never learn from their mistakes. So best to leave them to it as the poster above mentioned. |
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"I have a situation where I can't defend myself as if I do it will end a friend's 6 month relationship. The person probably isn't really a friend - it's a one sided friendship where they only speak to me when they want something.
How far would you go to stick up for yourself? Would you say nothing to try and keep the peace, even though it made you look like a c*nt?
"
Depends really. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Friends are never friends if they only want you for what you can do for them...."
Yes, this sums him up.
I've asked 3 times to meet him to discuss in person rather than via texts that just get misunderstood but he declined each time.
Today he just turned up at my desk out of the blue and wanted to talk (he asked in front of my work mates) but I said no I'm busy. He would have gone mad if I'd just turned up at his office.
He says he'll talk tomorrow but I won't be chasing him if he doesn't turn up.
I'm not a c*nt. |
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