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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not in to new years resolutions as such but I guess this year I just want to try and get on top of my anxiety more.
I know, strange how I can have social anxiety but happily meet for sex! Guess it's a 'safety net' as such??
Anyone else the same? As in, feel anxious socially but happily swing? |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
Totally. I find new people very nerve-wracking, but once they're not "new people", the swinging stuff is fine.
I don't have any coping techniques to share, I'm afraid. I struggle with it, but do nothing more clever than take a deep breath and go for it... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had severe anxiety for several years.. to the point where I didn't leave the house for 8 months. I've now built up slowly but surely by getting out more and more to bigger and busier places and attended my first social in December. It's a combination of doing what's comfortable and knowing how far you can push yourself. It gets easier  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Totally. I find new people very nerve-wracking, but once they're not "new people", the swinging stuff is fine.
I don't have any coping techniques to share, I'm afraid. I struggle with it, but do nothing more clever than take a deep breath and go for it..."
Glad to know it isn't just me.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've had severe anxiety for several years.. to the point where I didn't leave the house for 8 months. I've now built up slowly but surely by getting out more and more to bigger and busier places and attended my first social in December. It's a combination of doing what's comfortable and knowing how far you can push yourself. It gets easier "
Thank you. Yes it's strange as I find works nights out to new places anxious, yet I'll happily meet a woman or couple off here and not feel nervous?
As I say, kind of like a safety net... weird how the mind works isn't it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anxiety is a strange creature - you can manage stressful situations sometimes without any reaction from it, but then it will flare up for reasons that you can't identify. It isn't rational, and sometimes you just have to ride it out with whatever coping mechanisms you've got. If meeting people for sex isn't one of your triggers then just enjoy it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not in to new years resolutions as such but I guess this year I just want to try and get on top of my anxiety more.
I know, strange how I can have social anxiety but happily meet for sex! Guess it's a 'safety net' as such??
Anyone else the same? As in, feel anxious socially but happily swing? "
Nah, i haven’t met anyone new in over a year because my anxiety is sky high. Fuck, I can’t even watch a new tv show, film, or read a new book because my anxiety is so bad. Can’t remember the last time I left the house for unforced social occasions. Woooooo |
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You need to sepearate normal, positive anxiety from an anxious response to something that shouldn’t cause it.
Feeling anxious about new things and situations is entirely normal and protects us. For example, one of my grandchildren was about to start a new class. She was excited but was very anxious about the etiquette and what exactly was going to happen so she refused to go and stayed in the bath for over an hour. My fault, she a confident thing but I should have talked about it more. We since have and although still anxious, knows that it’s a good thing to embrace and get over and she’s e cited about the new class.
Feeling anxious about a previous negative experience is also very normal (I had a serious fall down a flight of stairs with a small child in my hip, she was fine, I wasn’t but walking down similar stairs can now cause an anxious response and I can’t avoid flights of stairs forever), it’s how we deal with it that’s the important bit but remember, anxiety is a normal human emotion.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I use to find the longer i thought about something the harder it would be or my anxiety would get worse, easier said than done i know, but the quicker you nip it in the bud the easier the task would be i find now, i did CBT for a while and a method that i still find affective today is to clear your mind, dont speak, not even in your head, just sit there and listen and take in the sounds around you, its hard at first as you have alot going around in your head, but if you can learn it and master it, its a great weapon to clear it all away, breathing methods are good too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m the same, that’s the reason I’m not meeting at the moment. People don’t get it though, when I say I’ve lost my nerve about meeting they suggest ‘just’ a social to start with.. when actually it’s the socials that make me more anxious than anything
Mrs F x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m the same, that’s the reason I’m not meeting at the moment. People don’t get it though, when I say I’ve lost my nerve about meeting they suggest ‘just’ a social to start with.. when actually it’s the socials that make me more anxious than anything
Mrs F x"
Fully agree on that. Then It doesn't help when people think you are being fake. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m the same, that’s the reason I’m not meeting at the moment. People don’t get it though, when I say I’ve lost my nerve about meeting they suggest ‘just’ a social to start with.. when actually it’s the socials that make me more anxious than anything
Mrs F x
Fully agree on that. Then It doesn't help when people think you are being fake. X"
I’m really conscious of being labelled a time-waster, that’s why I’ve put the not meeting message up. There are people who have said they’re happy to just chat for now, which helps me, but I know most aren’t into too much messaging |
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"Totally. I find new people very nerve-wracking, but once they're not "new people", the swinging stuff is fine.
I don't have any coping techniques to share, I'm afraid. I struggle with it, but do nothing more clever than take a deep breath and go for it...
Glad to know it isn't just me. "
You are realy not alone fella |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not in to new years resolutions as such but I guess this year I just want to try and get on top of my anxiety more.
I know, strange how I can have social anxiety but happily meet for sex! Guess it's a 'safety net' as such??
Anyone else the same? As in, feel anxious socially but happily swing? "
Yes  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Totally. I find new people very nerve-wracking, but once they're not "new people", the swinging stuff is fine.
I don't have any coping techniques to share, I'm afraid. I struggle with it, but do nothing more clever than take a deep breath and go for it...
Glad to know it isn't just me.
You are realy not alone fella"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From the outside it looks like i have life all figured out. Because i dress well and look healthy i must not have a care in the world. As if it were expected to wear my demons pinned to my chest in scarlet letters. People assume that if you cannot see it its not really there. As if pain does not exist unless I'm bleeding or my leg is in a cast staggering with a limp, but the most powerful demons are the ones you cannot see.
So i learned how to smile and grin and bear it. Nobody likes to talk about the tough stuff. I don't like to talk about the tough stuff.
I have anxiety.
Sometimes it feels like every nerve in my body is moving so fast that my veins are blurry. That despite the constant metronome of my heartbeat in my ears its like listening to a constant drum line. It feels like bees in my head. Like a broken white noise machine playing all the noise at once and i don't even realise i'm gritting my teeth or cracking my knuckles or holding myself thinking I'm the only thing bridging reality on my own two feet and the constant load noises and the fleeting feeling of blood rushing through my body. I'm avoiding eye contact, not because I'm not listening but because I'm listening to myself, hoping you cannot hear that I'm speaking two octaves to high. On the verge of breaking because my palms are sweating and i forgot to speak without showing my insecurity.
My anxiety feels like fire hot and rash and frustrating as i bite the inside of my cheek as if the solution of this problem lays between my teeth and gum.
It feels like drowning in fire. It feels like forever. It feels like I'm running with a trail of dust behind me because i'm moving faster than the sixty seconds allowed in one minute. All the time playing catch up on a stopwatch.
I cannot add up the problem because there is no problem.
There's no life or death no rhyme or reason. There are just feelings and i'm feeling all of them at once.
Some days were , are better than others. Some are worse ,but they are just days. I've plenty more of them.
Get help I did. It took courage to admit my demons. I'm Ok now. Above was me ten years ago. You can't beat it on your own. |
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