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Paranoid?? or is it trusting yr gut
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By *at.fem75 OP Woman
over a year ago
Sunderland |
On xmas eve I found out the guy I’d been meeting for the last 18month was married. I only found out by accident. Since I told him I knew his secret I’ve met him twice, 1st
Time the sex was the best we have ever had together. It was different, it was close and sensual and felt like I was with an actual lpartner (I’d never felt like that with him before), 2nd time was good but I had a feeling it was the last time. Cut a long story short I then started giving him the option of stopping our meets which he said he didn’t want to and it would never happen (I didn’t want him being with me Cos he was scared if he upset me I’d tell his wife). Anyway I’ve again given him the option again today for about the 4th time in the last few days and he’s told me he thinks I’m right and we should Call it a day. Has my paranoia pushed him away or now I’ve found out he is married is it the excitement isn’t there for him anymore?. I was never ever clingy or needy and I didn’t even respond to his last msg so it’s not that. I knew it wasn’t gonna last forever but we were canny good friends and I know I should have ended it as soon as I found out he was married. Thing is, this is a bit of a pattern for me in “friendships” .. It’s like I need reassurance that things are ok ... so I push ppl away to see if they mean what they say. Sorry for the long post, I know this ain’t no dear Deidre page, but I just needed to talk to someone as my friends/family don’t know I’m on here and I’m sitting torturing myself ... which again is a pattern .... think I’m just fucked up in the head. reading this back to myself and now thinking I’ve answered my own
Question .... I’m an emotionally unstable psychopath!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would probably say that the fact you kept bringing it up has made him think your not interested now you know he's married so he's agreed with you not to meet as it sounds like you were pushing for him to agree with you. Unless I've got the wrong end of the stick? |
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"I would probably say that the fact you kept bringing it up has made him think your not interested now you know he's married so he's agreed with you not to meet as it sounds like you were pushing for him to agree with you. Unless I've got the wrong end of the stick?"
i agree with this
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I would probably say that the fact you kept bringing it up has made him think your not interested now you know he's married so he's agreed with you not to meet as it sounds like you were pushing for him to agree with you. Unless I've got the wrong end of the stick?"
I agree with this, you mention calling it off enough times and he will think that's what you want. Basically if you push someone away and they leave, they're just respecting your wishes. People aren't mind readers and unless you communicate effectively and clearly what you want then they really won't know.
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By *at.fem75 OP Woman
over a year ago
Sunderland |
I know I should have ended it anyway when I found out he was married. But he was a lovely lad and we got on really well in and out of bed. I’ve seen his wife and she is stunning. Thin, blonde, pretty. Complete opposite to me. I’m also wondering was it just the excitement of it all and that’s why he kept coming back. |
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By *at.fem75 OP Woman
over a year ago
Sunderland |
"I would probably say that the fact you kept bringing it up has made him think your not interested now you know he's married so he's agreed with you not to meet as it sounds like you were pushing for him to agree with you. Unless I've got the wrong end of the stick?
I agree with this, you mention calling it off enough times and he will think that's what you want. Basically if you push someone away and they leave, they're just respecting your wishes. People aren't mind readers and unless you communicate effectively and clearly what you want then they really won't know.
"
Your probably spot on about what you say.. everything was fine and going really well until I found out he was married. Then it went wrong. He knew I wanted to see him so I don’t think he is respecting my wishes. Probably just glad to get shot of me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would probably say that the fact you kept bringing it up has made him think your not interested now you know he's married so he's agreed with you not to meet as it sounds like you were pushing for him to agree with you. Unless I've got the wrong end of the stick?
I agree with this, you mention calling it off enough times and he will think that's what you want. Basically if you push someone away and they leave, they're just respecting your wishes. People aren't mind readers and unless you communicate effectively and clearly what you want then they really won't know.
Your probably spot on about what you say.. everything was fine and going really well until I found out he was married. Then it went wrong. He knew I wanted to see him so I don’t think he is respecting my wishes. Probably just glad to get shot of me "
It won’t be that my lovely. He’ll just be worried you could cause problems in his “other” life. Doubt he’d have hung around for 18 months if that was the case. He should have told you from the start though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've rearranged your pronouns to reflect your words back to you from the 2nd person position. Maybe it might help you clarify things...
On Xmas eve you found out the guy you'd been meeting for the last 18months was married.
You found out by accident. Since you told him you knew his secret you’ve met him twice. 1st
time the sex was the best you have ever had together. It was different, it was close and sensual and felt like you were with an actual partner (you'd never felt like that with him before), 2nd time was good but you had a feeling it was the last time. You then started giving him the option of stopping your meets which he said he didn’t want to and it would never happen (you didn’t want him being with you cos he was scared if he upset you you'd tell his wife). You gave him the option again today for about the 4th time in the last few days and he’s told you he thinks you're right and you should call it a day. Your paranoia has pushed him away. Or, now that you’ve found out he is married the excitement isn’t there for him anymore. You were never ever clingy or needy and you didn’t even respond to his last msg so it’s not that. You knew it wasn’t gonna last forever. You were canny good friends and you know you should have ended it as soon as you found out he was married. Thing is, this is a bit of a pattern for you in “friendships” .. It’s like you need reassurance that things are ok ... so you push ppl away to see if they mean what they say. You know this ain’t no dear Deidre page, but you just needed to talk to someone as your friends/family don’t know you're on here and you're sitting torturing yourself ... which again is a pattern .... You think you're just fucked up in the head. You're reading this back to yourself and now thinking you've answered your own
question .... You're an emotionally unstable psychopath!!! |
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By *at.fem75 OP Woman
over a year ago
Sunderland |
"Nobody knows except him. Have you asked him? Do the reasons really matter? Would you want to carry on seeing him now anyway? So many questions! "
I haven’t even responded to his last message. I’ve just left it at that. It matters to me because I really liked him and things were going so well. I didn’t want a relationship and what we had was perfect for me. I just got emotionally involved. Wish I was hard hearted cos I’m too soft for my own good.  |
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"Nobody knows except him. Have you asked him? Do the reasons really matter? Would you want to carry on seeing him now anyway? So many questions!
I haven’t even responded to his last message. I’ve just left it at that. It matters to me because I really liked him and things were going so well. I didn’t want a relationship and what we had was perfect for me. I just got emotionally involved. Wish I was hard hearted cos I’m too soft for my own good. "
I'm not sure you are soft. |
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I'd say..you found him out...there's some guilt on both parts...it doesn't feel right any more..you've both decided to stop...you're not a lunatic...you miss the fun and excitement...move on...don't beat yourself up over it |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"Nobody knows except him. Have you asked him? Do the reasons really matter? Would you want to carry on seeing him now anyway? So many questions!
I haven’t even responded to his last message. I’ve just left it at that. It matters to me because I really liked him and things were going so well. I didn’t want a relationship and what we had was perfect for me. I just got emotionally involved. Wish I was hard hearted cos I’m too soft for my own good.
I'm not sure you are soft."
I doubt his wife would think so |
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By *at.fem75 OP Woman
over a year ago
Sunderland |
"I'd say..you found him out...there's some guilt on both parts...it doesn't feel right any more..you've both decided to stop...you're not a lunatic...you miss the fun and excitement...move on...don't beat yourself up over it"
You know what ... I think you are spot on because it hasn’t felt the same since I found out. Thanku x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He lied to you for 18 months.
When he found out you knew he'd lied he fucked off.
I know it hurts but you're probably better off without him.
Hug to you."
Totally agree here. You weren't great friends if he kept this from you. Dust yourself off and move on xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe part of it is that things will have changed for him too. You've found him out for lying to you and he's probably feeling guilt for that plus he will be making assumptions over how you will judge him for that.
Your asking him repeatedly has probably lead to him assuming you have issues with it. |
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I met someone on here for quite a while, got very close, even went on holiday abroad together. Always maintained he was single even though I had suspicions. Eventually found out he was married, It was very hurtful. I stopped it even though he'd pop up and try to re-kindle it. Eventually had to block him everywhere so he couldn't contact me. Upset me for a long time x |
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"Nobody knows except him. Have you asked him? Do the reasons really matter? Would you want to carry on seeing him now anyway? So many questions!
I haven’t even responded to his last message. I’ve just left it at that. It matters to me because I really liked him and things were going so well. I didn’t want a relationship and what we had was perfect for me. I just got emotionally involved. Wish I was hard hearted cos I’m too soft for my own good.
I'm not sure you are soft.
I doubt his wife would think so"
Yep |
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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago
somewhere |
It must be hard to adjust your thinking now knowing he's married and having seen him for 18 months. It was almost like once finding out you wanted that reassurance he wanted to carry on seeing you for you and not just because it was an exciting kink or as you had the power to cause trouble for him. By asking several times you maybe wanted him to reassure you it wasn't the last time? I guess you have to decide if you want to stay involved and if so try to communicate how you're feeling or if you think in the long run you're better off out of it even though it feels pretty rubbish right now. Good luck OP |
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"I'd say..you found him out...there's some guilt on both parts...it doesn't feel right any more..you've both decided to stop...you're not a lunatic...you miss the fun and excitement...move on...don't beat yourself up over it
You know what ... I think you are spot on because it hasn’t felt the same since I found out. Thanku x x "
You're welcome...have lots of new sexy adventures this year...hugs XXX olov ( sir) |
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By *at.fem75 OP Woman
over a year ago
Sunderland |
"It must be hard to adjust your thinking now knowing he's married and having seen him for 18 months. It was almost like once finding out you wanted that reassurance he wanted to carry on seeing you for you and not just because it was an exciting kink or as you had the power to cause trouble for him. By asking several times you maybe wanted him to reassure you it wasn't the last time? I guess you have to decide if you want to stay involved and if so try to communicate how you're feeling or if you think in the long run you're better off out of it even though it feels pretty rubbish right now. Good luck OP"
I have no choice he wants to end it but
You are absolutely correct about what you have said and why I kept asking him. I did want reassurance. I think if I never found out he was married things wudv went on for another 18month as we really did get on. I feel pretty shit right now. And annoyed at
Myself for getting so upset :  |
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"It must be hard to adjust your thinking now knowing he's married and having seen him for 18 months. It was almost like once finding out you wanted that reassurance he wanted to carry on seeing you for you and not just because it was an exciting kink or as you had the power to cause trouble for him. By asking several times you maybe wanted him to reassure you it wasn't the last time? I guess you have to decide if you want to stay involved and if so try to communicate how you're feeling or if you think in the long run you're better off out of it even though it feels pretty rubbish right now. Good luck OP
I have no choice he wants to end it but
You are absolutely correct about what you have said and why I kept asking him. I did want reassurance. I think if I never found out he was married things wudv went on for another 18month as we really did get on. I feel pretty shit right now. And annoyed at
Myself for getting so upset : "
There's only one person you should be annoyed at and that's the sh*t who lied to you for 18 months. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It must be hard to adjust your thinking now knowing he's married and having seen him for 18 months. It was almost like once finding out you wanted that reassurance he wanted to carry on seeing you for you and not just because it was an exciting kink or as you had the power to cause trouble for him. By asking several times you maybe wanted him to reassure you it wasn't the last time? I guess you have to decide if you want to stay involved and if so try to communicate how you're feeling or if you think in the long run you're better off out of it even though it feels pretty rubbish right now. Good luck OP
I have no choice he wants to end it but
You are absolutely correct about what you have said and why I kept asking him. I did want reassurance. I think if I never found out he was married things wudv went on for another 18month as we really did get on. I feel pretty shit right now. And annoyed at
Myself for getting so upset :
There's only one person you should be annoyed at and that's the sh*t who lied to you for 18 months."
OP, he probably loved the secrecy, once his secret was out it was no fun anymore and the guilt set in. He probably can't risk a divorce.
Feel bad for a bit then cheer right up as you're well rid of a man like that.
It's really funny how some men are ok with cheating until you know they're attached and then their dick droops from the guilt! |
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By *at.fem75 OP Woman
over a year ago
Sunderland |
"It must be hard to adjust your thinking now knowing he's married and having seen him for 18 months. It was almost like once finding out you wanted that reassurance he wanted to carry on seeing you for you and not just because it was an exciting kink or as you had the power to cause trouble for him. By asking several times you maybe wanted him to reassure you it wasn't the last time? I guess you have to decide if you want to stay involved and if so try to communicate how you're feeling or if you think in the long run you're better off out of it even though it feels pretty rubbish right now. Good luck OP
I have no choice he wants to end it but
You are absolutely correct about what you have said and why I kept asking him. I did want reassurance. I think if I never found out he was married things wudv went on for another 18month as we really did get on. I feel pretty shit right now. And annoyed at
Myself for getting so upset :
There's only one person you should be annoyed at and that's the sh*t who lied to you for 18 months.
OP, he probably loved the secrecy, once his secret was out it was no fun anymore and the guilt set in. He probably can't risk a divorce.
Feel bad for a bit then cheer right up as you're well rid of a man like that.
It's really funny how some men are ok with cheating until you know they're attached and then their dick droops from the guilt!"
I couldn’t have said it better. He was fine until I found out. Then he’s realised how close he came to getting caught and how easily his wife could find out and the guilts kicked well and truly in x Thanku x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don’t play with married people unless both parties know and consent, I was brought up on treat others the way you want to be yourself. Cheating would hurt a unsuspecting person and karma does come around and moving on to a more positive note for 2019  |
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"It must be hard to adjust your thinking now knowing he's married and having seen him for 18 months. It was almost like once finding out you wanted that reassurance he wanted to carry on seeing you for you and not just because it was an exciting kink or as you had the power to cause trouble for him. By asking several times you maybe wanted him to reassure you it wasn't the last time? I guess you have to decide if you want to stay involved and if so try to communicate how you're feeling or if you think in the long run you're better off out of it even though it feels pretty rubbish right now. Good luck OP
I have no choice he wants to end it but
You are absolutely correct about what you have said and why I kept asking him. I did want reassurance. I think if I never found out he was married things wudv went on for another 18month as we really did get on. I feel pretty shit right now. And annoyed at
Myself for getting so upset :
There's only one person you should be annoyed at and that's the sh*t who lied to you for 18 months.
OP, he probably loved the secrecy, once his secret was out it was no fun anymore and the guilt set in. He probably can't risk a divorce.
Feel bad for a bit then cheer right up as you're well rid of a man like that.
It's really funny how some men are ok with cheating until you know they're attached and then their dick droops from the guilt!
I couldn’t have said it better. He was fine until I found out. Then he’s realised how close he came to getting caught and how easily his wife could find out and the guilts kicked well and truly in x Thanku x "
That wasn’t guilt that kicked in, he didn’t suddenly find his conscience, it was fear. Fear of losing his home, pension, children, lifestyle... whatever it is he could lose if his wife found out. He will probably work harder than ever now for you to feel sorry for him and see him as a nice guy, you’re the one who could ruin him so he needs you on side.
You should feel angry towards him for treating you and his wife poorly and playing with your emotions, he’s a dick. As I said earlier, be thankful you’re not the one married to him.
Lou x |
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By *at.fem75 OP Woman
over a year ago
Sunderland |
"It must be hard to adjust your thinking now knowing he's married and having seen him for 18 months. It was almost like once finding out you wanted that reassurance he wanted to carry on seeing you for you and not just because it was an exciting kink or as you had the power to cause trouble for him. By asking several times you maybe wanted him to reassure you it wasn't the last time? I guess you have to decide if you want to stay involved and if so try to communicate how you're feeling or if you think in the long run you're better off out of it even though it feels pretty rubbish right now. Good luck OP
I have no choice he wants to end it but
You are absolutely correct about what you have said and why I kept asking him. I did want reassurance. I think if I never found out he was married things wudv went on for another 18month as we really did get on. I feel pretty shit right now. And annoyed at
Myself for getting so upset :
There's only one person you should be annoyed at and that's the sh*t who lied to you for 18 months.
OP, he probably loved the secrecy, once his secret was out it was no fun anymore and the guilt set in. He probably can't risk a divorce.
Feel bad for a bit then cheer right up as you're well rid of a man like that.
It's really funny how some men are ok with cheating until you know they're attached and then their dick droops from the guilt!
I couldn’t have said it better. He was fine until I found out. Then he’s realised how close he came to getting caught and how easily his wife could find out and the guilts kicked well and truly in x Thanku x
That wasn’t guilt that kicked in, he didn’t suddenly find his conscience, it was fear. Fear of losing his home, pension, children, lifestyle... whatever it is he could lose if his wife found out. He will probably work harder than ever now for you to feel sorry for him and see him as a nice guy, you’re the one who could ruin him so he needs you on side.
You should feel angry towards him for treating you and his wife poorly and playing with your emotions, he’s a dick. As I said earlier, be thankful you’re not the one married to him.
Lou x "
He’s the one who has ended it so he most definitely isn’t concerned about keeping me on side. He knows I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise his current lifestyle. Anyway I just need to forget him. As we were together so long we used to have sex without protection ... now I’m thinking how irresponsible of him putting both myself And his wife at risk. To me that’s disrespectful to us both ... the fkn prick |
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"It must be hard to adjust your thinking now knowing he's married and having seen him for 18 months. It was almost like once finding out you wanted that reassurance he wanted to carry on seeing you for you and not just because it was an exciting kink or as you had the power to cause trouble for him. By asking several times you maybe wanted him to reassure you it wasn't the last time? I guess you have to decide if you want to stay involved and if so try to communicate how you're feeling or if you think in the long run you're better off out of it even though it feels pretty rubbish right now. Good luck OP
I have no choice he wants to end it but
You are absolutely correct about what you have said and why I kept asking him. I did want reassurance. I think if I never found out he was married things wudv went on for another 18month as we really did get on. I feel pretty shit right now. And annoyed at
Myself for getting so upset :
There's only one person you should be annoyed at and that's the sh*t who lied to you for 18 months.
OP, he probably loved the secrecy, once his secret was out it was no fun anymore and the guilt set in. He probably can't risk a divorce.
Feel bad for a bit then cheer right up as you're well rid of a man like that.
It's really funny how some men are ok with cheating until you know they're attached and then their dick droops from the guilt!
I couldn’t have said it better. He was fine until I found out. Then he’s realised how close he came to getting caught and how easily his wife could find out and the guilts kicked well and truly in x Thanku x
That wasn’t guilt that kicked in, he didn’t suddenly find his conscience, it was fear. Fear of losing his home, pension, children, lifestyle... whatever it is he could lose if his wife found out. He will probably work harder than ever now for you to feel sorry for him and see him as a nice guy, you’re the one who could ruin him so he needs you on side.
You should feel angry towards him for treating you and his wife poorly and playing with your emotions, he’s a dick. As I said earlier, be thankful you’re not the one married to him.
Lou x
He’s the one who has ended it so he most definitely isn’t concerned about keeping me on side. He knows I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise his current lifestyle. Anyway I just need to forget him. As we were together so long we used to have sex without protection ... now I’m thinking how irresponsible of him putting both myself And his wife at risk. To me that’s disrespectful to us both ... the fkn prick "
Indeed! And best you get yourself checked, you never know, his wife may have other lovers too!
Best of luck.
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