FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are you a doormat?
Are you a doormat?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If someone treats you badly do you tell them not to do that?
If someone says something mean to you do you respond with anger?
If you don't respond but just leave them to it, are you a doormat? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would stand up for myself if it was someone or something who bothered me.
If it wasn't I'd ignore it, I don't think that makes me a doormat it just makes for an easier life. |
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"If someone treats you badly do you tell them not to do that?
If someone says something mean to you do you respond with anger?
If you don't respond but just leave them to it, are you a doormat?"
If I leave them to it I'm the bigger man.
On Fab, why the hell worry about the opinions of people who never met you, are never likely to meet you and base their ridiculous opinions on a few words on a computer screen.
Or summat like that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would stand up for myself if it was someone or something who bothered me.
If it wasn't I'd ignore it, I don't think that makes me a doormat it just makes for an easier life. "
Yes sorry that's my crap wording in the OP. I meant does it make you a doormat. |
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"If someone treats you badly do you tell them not to do that?
If someone says something mean to you do you respond with anger?
If you don't respond but just leave them to it, are you a doormat?"
Door mat would imply you allow yourself to be walked over time and time again.
None of the above responses to bad behaviour would indicate someone was a doormat, in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to let the first couple of things pass me by - then, if it continues, well they have to have some back
Some years back, when I flat shared with a friend, we had a little get together, just a few of his pals and a few of mine
One of my friends brought a guy with him who just made a beeline for a female acquaintance of my other friends
Nothing major, just little sly digs at her, putting her comments down, making her feel silly
I asked him to leave. Not awkwardly, but not quietly either.
I just spelled out what he was doing, how it was making others uncomfortable and how it was potentially making her feel
"Oh c'mon, I'm just having a laugh mate"
No ... once it was amusing
Twice, thrice or more, it is targetted, do one
I fell out with my mate over it, but tough, I don't like it when people try to demean others to the degree where it becomes both personal and an attack
'Joke' or not, I wasn't having him doing it in my home and making others feel uncomfortable |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I tend to let the first couple of things pass me by - then, if it continues, well they have to have some back
Some years back, when I flat shared with a friend, we had a little get together, just a few of his pals and a few of mine
One of my friends brought a guy with him who just made a beeline for a female acquaintance of my other friends
Nothing major, just little sly digs at her, putting her comments down, making her feel silly
I asked him to leave. Not awkwardly, but not quietly either.
I just spelled out what he was doing, how it was making others uncomfortable and how it was potentially making her feel
"Oh c'mon, I'm just having a laugh mate"
No ... once it was amusing
Twice, thrice or more, it is targetted, do one
I fell out with my mate over it, but tough, I don't like it when people try to demean others to the degree where it becomes both personal and an attack
'Joke' or not, I wasn't having him doing it in my home and making others feel uncomfortable"
Good for you.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone treats me badly or unfairly in words or actions I cut them out of my life completely.
And they do not gets a second chance.
"
What if they didn't realise that what they said hurt you, and they apologised? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it's someone I care about I will let them know my feelings. There are precious few of those. If I don't care about them, I just cut them out of my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone treats you badly do you tell them not to do that?
If someone says something mean to you do you respond with anger?
If you don't respond but just leave them to it, are you a doormat?"
Quite honestly the only place that happens is on here and Facebook, and I find it very easy to cope with, I tend to react quite strongly because I find it amusing and because I believe in the Israeli response to threat tactics but outside of social media unpleasant comments and abuse just don't happen as people don't have screens and keyboards to hide behind.
In previous relationships it has been quite harrowing, but thats a whole other story. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I often receive vile messages from blokes on here, I don't ever let it bother me. Online, people are more confident to say things they would normally only think. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If someone treats you badly do you tell them not to do that?
If someone says something mean to you do you respond with anger?
If you don't respond but just leave them to it, are you a doormat?
Quite honestly the only place that happens is on here and Facebook, and I find it very easy to cope with, I tend to react quite strongly because I find it amusing and because I believe in the Israeli response to threat tactics but outside of social media unpleasant comments and abuse just don't happen as people don't have screens and keyboards to hide behind.
In previous relationships it has been quite harrowing, but thats a whole other story. "
What's the Israeli response?
I like your posts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah if I’m honest I can be a doormat and allow others to treat me badly. Drives my best friend mad because she says to me you would never let anybody else treat you with such disrespect. But if there’s a guy that I’m hung up on I allow myself to be treated like shit.
Take the dude I was meeting this time last year, last met him January 13th, was the last guy I slept with, he contacted me 3 weeks ago and I *should* have told him to piss off when he asked to meet me but instead I said yes I would and he’s ignored me since and it’s done my head in, I’ve alllowed that to happen.
I’m mentally quite strong, I can be a cunt, yet I let guys have this power over me. It’s the thing I dislike about myself the most. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone treats me badly or unfairly in words or actions I cut them out of my life completely.
And they do not gets a second chance.
What if they didn't realise that what they said hurt you, and they apologised?"
people tend to repeat mistakes or lapses if they think they are always going to get away with it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was. I'm not any more.
I'm not confrontational though, so I will remove myself from that person's life, if it ever happens again. It's possibly why I shy away from relationship now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone treats me badly or unfairly in words or actions I cut them out of my life completely.
And they do not gets a second chance.
What if they didn't realise that what they said hurt you, and they apologised?
people tend to repeat mistakes or lapses if they think they are always going to get away with it.
"
Good point!! |
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I was a great doormat for someone for far too may year. Finally got out and learned from my mistake.
Now I will not be treated badly, nor will I have anyone tell me what I can and cannot do, who I can and cannot speak to etc.
I can deal head on with a situation if necessary, but most likely will let the other person stew in their own stress |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I take no shite from anyone. If you don't like someone and their wrong for you I just get rid of all who are negative to me. If someone says something to me it depends on the subject or if it's negative towards me. But all I can say if I dontvlike what someone says to me that's negative again it depends on the context and tone. I suffer no fools though. |
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"I was a great doormat for someone for far too may year. Finally got out and learned from my mistake.
Now I will not be treated badly, nor will I have anyone tell me what I can and cannot do, who I can and cannot speak to etc.
I can deal head on with a situation if necessary, but most likely will let the other person stew in their own stress "
*many years  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I’ve allowed myself to be a bit of a doormat this year. But at least I’ve recognised it and can do something about it now.
Won’t happen again.  "
Good on you. Onwards n upwards for you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend not to surround myself with pricks, if someone is rude to me and i don't deserve it i remove myself from the situation before i react. Has taken me years to do this but find im much happier with myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I’ve allowed myself to be a bit of a doormat this year. But at least I’ve recognised it and can do something about it now.
Won’t happen again.
Good on you. Onwards n upwards for you x "
Thank you! Absolutely! 2019 is gonna be my year!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends iv a pretty thick skin but im very loyal to friends so im more likely to step up to there defence than my own team mentality but once u blow it game over |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it’s someone I don’t care about I just let it go over my head now. I’ve become less tolerant as I’ve got older. Can’t be doing with negativity in my life. Once someone’s pissed me off or hurt me though there’s rarely any going back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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same with people who borrow money from you.
how many times have you heard of friendships ending over money.
you need to stand firm and sometimes be cruel to people who manipulate you for there own ends.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been a doormat. I had one guy who I was in a year long relationship with who treated me like a doormat over and over. Eventually i broke the cycle. We were almost friends until he tried it again and I was finally strong enough to say no.
Im still a total softie but I see the signs more now and remove myself from the situation |
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