FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is having children important to you?
Is having children important to you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Continue here, it was intetesting seeing the replies, we had an intetesting discussion about it yesterday of how some want it and some not as they rather focus on their career or hobbies instead. I dont want any cos I am too busy with training and not just that, it is peace and quite and the freedom to do what you want when you want, what about you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My boys have grown up at 25 and 23, got sterilised because I figured that at 44 I did not want any more babies.
My boyfriend doesn't have kids, he's battled with parental issues and is adamant he doesn't want kids because of the fear of putting a kid through what he went through.
Thing is he is 30, so could change his mind. He thinks not but never say never. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was younger it was, but for a variety of reasons it never worked out. I have mixed feelings, on some of levels I feel sad and I do feel I have missed out but in reality my parents were shit parents and I think I would have been too so it was very probably for the best. Also moving away from my hometown was the best thing that I've ever done and that would never have happened if I'd had kids. I'm too old now, no desire to be the oldest dad at the school gates! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just to add, I was a young Mum at 19, I don't feel I missed anything, still forged a career and did a degree. Now at 44 I have a good job, and ready for grandbabbas, my boy and his girl prefer puppers though :/
No chance of bubbas off my youngest, he's totally career focused. |
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We have 2 children, they were both planned and I would have been devastated if I couldn’t have them, they have brought so much enjoyment to our lives and parenting has been a breeze, thankfully.
However, I can’t think of anything worse than people having children to please others (partner, parents etc), nobody should ever grow up with a parent who resents them. So, thank goodness we all have the right to make choices.
Lou x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes it is very important to me, there's nothing I want more. I would have them now if I could  I've been maternal for as long as I can remember now. Hopefully it will be my turn soon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn't want children when I was younger, eventually had them to please my ex, they have now all chosen to live with me rather than him, the reality was that he liked the idea of parenting more than the daily grind of it. I love my children but I don't love parenting, oddly though it seems I am quite good at it and it probably has made me a less selfish and more rounded, empathic person than I would otherwise have been.
None of my kids want to have children themselves so far, suits me just fine as I've got other plans for retirement, being a grandmother doesn't remotely interest me. |
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I always knew I wanted lots of kids and was devastated when I found out it would never happen after failed ICSI rounds I just couldn’t do it to myself. I still became a mum as I adopted and it’s the best thing I did. Plus the bonus is she has none of my genes so cannot get the shitty diseases I have. I still had a good life and changed my career when she went to school and retrained to be a social worker and now place lots of kids for adoption so it’s a bit like coming full circle |
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I have two kids aged 17 & 14. I was 19 & 22 respectively when I had them and had always wanted to be a mum, but found it harder than I ever imagined.
I love my two but Due to me struggling( mostly as a single parent) I decided never to have anymore.
Myself & Mr P have been together for 7 years ( since I was 30 & he was 29) . Fortunately he also never wanted any biological children.
He adores the two we have but I’m certainly not ready for grand babies for at least 20 years!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a young tearaway it was the last thing I wanted or be aloud I had no responsibility's I did what I wanted when I wanted but at 24 my then girlfriend told me she was pregnant and I either went straight no puns please or left her alone to get on I thought very hard for weeks about what I'd lose and what I might gain I choose to be with her and had 3 children with her over 12 yes best decision I've done looking at them now especially as I'm a grandad |
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By *ymaleMan
over a year ago
nr Bradford |
They're vacuous little time machines that rob you of energy, time, money and frequently dignity. But if you have the instinct to commit, yes you probably do want committing, but non of us would be without them, despite their best efforts to break the spell they have over you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think kids are on the cards for me. I've always said I'll never have kids unless I can give them a happy upbringing and right now, I can't even sort myself out, let alone kids lol.
Saying that though, I adored my ex's kids. One was 13 and the other 3 and they were amazing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no idea! It’s not something I yearn for - but it’s not something I’ll dismiss if the time comes.
I think if you meet the right person and things work out well then why not.
For now (and being single) I have no ambition in that department.
Each to their own.  |
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Growing up I never wanted to be married or have children.
I’ve managed one of them, my lad came unexpectedly in my mid 30s. Yes it changes you in so many ways and now a single mum, miss out on normal adult time, simple things like going to the movies, etc. However, I wouldn’t be without him or change a thing |
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I always wanted a big family. Dreamed of being a mum. Babysat for everyone from age 12. Circumstances meant my 'big' family was 2 kids and I wouldn't be without them. They are young adults themselves now so grandbabies are next x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not anymore.
I wanted kids until about 4/5 years ago and miscarried several times.
Now, I've made peace with the fact that I'm reproductively challenged and actually don't want children. I wouldn't be able to have the lifestyle I have and want with them and honestly I just want to live for myself after all I've been through.
No, I'm quite happy not being a mum, I'm an aunt 9 times over with another on the way and my friends all have kids I can wind up, fill with sugary goodness and give back  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to want babies more than anything, but had very unrealistic ideas about what having a baby would be like, mostly fuelled by my mum. I had no friends or relatives with babies so had no idea how hard it would be.
I love my kids more than anything and I do my best to ensure they feel loved, but it turns out I'm not very well suited to parenting. The relentless sensory overload everyday leaves me beyond exhausted. If I'd known I was autistic when I was younger I probably wouldn't have chosen to have children as the cost to my mental health has been huge. The poor loves deserve a mum who thrives in the role, not one who is depleted by it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughter passed away at 3 days old and I didn't think I could ever face that again but as I'm getting older the maternal side of me feels like I have love just stored up and I need to give it.
I am single though, I don't know if or when I might get that opportunity again so I guess I will know when it happens. |
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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago
stockport |
"My daughter passed away at 3 days old and I didn't think I could ever face that again but as I'm getting older the maternal side of me feels like I have love just stored up and I need to give it.
I am single though, I don't know if or when I might get that opportunity again so I guess I will know when it happens. "
That’s really sad. I’m sorry x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every break up i have had , the fact that i don't want children and they do has been a factor if not the sole reason for parting ways
My most recent was definitely the hardest because i really believed he was ok with it and i had found the right person for me
Breaks my heart that i probably wont get a happy ever after because of it but better to be a little unhappy alone than to ruin both mine and a child's life to try keep some guy happy |
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"I used to want babies more than anything, but had very unrealistic ideas about what having a baby would be like, mostly fuelled by my mum. I had no friends or relatives with babies so had no idea how hard it would be.
I love my kids more than anything and I do my best to ensure they feel loved, but it turns out I'm not very well suited to parenting. The relentless sensory overload everyday leaves me beyond exhausted. If I'd known I was autistic when I was younger I probably wouldn't have chosen to have children as the cost to my mental health has been huge. The poor loves deserve a mum who thrives in the role, not one who is depleted by it. "
The fact that you think they deserve better shows that you are a fantastic mum who wants the best for her kids.
I applaud you for your honesty and commend you for doing your best. As someone with two young children and relatively good health I struggle to keep up with my kids, feel mentally and physically exhausted at the end of every day and some days dread having to get up the next morning because I feel like I could sleep for a week.
But that one smile, hug, kiss from those precious little people makes it all worth while x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to want babies more than anything, but had very unrealistic ideas about what having a baby would be like, mostly fuelled by my mum. I had no friends or relatives with babies so had no idea how hard it would be.
I love my kids more than anything and I do my best to ensure they feel loved, but it turns out I'm not very well suited to parenting. The relentless sensory overload everyday leaves me beyond exhausted. If I'd known I was autistic when I was younger I probably wouldn't have chosen to have children as the cost to my mental health has been huge. The poor loves deserve a mum who thrives in the role, not one who is depleted by it.
The fact that you think they deserve better shows that you are a fantastic mum who wants the best for her kids.
I applaud you for your honesty and commend you for doing your best. As someone with two young children and relatively good health I struggle to keep up with my kids, feel mentally and physically exhausted at the end of every day and some days dread having to get up the next morning because I feel like I could sleep for a week.
But that one smile, hug, kiss from those precious little people makes it all worth while x "
Thank you, that means a lot x |
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"My daughter passed away at 3 days old and I didn't think I could ever face that again but as I'm getting older the maternal side of me feels like I have love just stored up and I need to give it.
I am single though, I don't know if or when I might get that opportunity again so I guess I will know when it happens. "
I’m so sorry to hear that, can not imagine what you went through xx |
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Recurrent miscarriages, unexplained secondary infertility, cervical cancer and then more miscarriages and my advancing age mean that the one thing I want more than anything in the world will never happen |
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"I used to want babies more than anything, but had very unrealistic ideas about what having a baby would be like, mostly fuelled by my mum. I had no friends or relatives with babies so had no idea how hard it would be.
I love my kids more than anything and I do my best to ensure they feel loved, but it turns out I'm not very well suited to parenting. The relentless sensory overload everyday leaves me beyond exhausted. If I'd known I was autistic when I was younger I probably wouldn't have chosen to have children as the cost to my mental health has been huge. The poor loves deserve a mum who thrives in the role, not one who is depleted by it. "
I’ve been a single mum for four years and suffered with depression for about 18 months in, I was always exhausted juggling work and home life and didn’t want to do anything.
It got so bad at one point that I was ready to walk away and hand him to his father for good, as I thought it was the best thing for him and the other way I could walk away from my job. Luckily I didn’t do it.
My son knew something wasn’t right but just hearing him say “your doing your best right now is enough for me, your still the best mum” kept me going.
Just remember you are doing the best you can for them and they love you for it, things will get better. Hugs xx |
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"I always knew I wanted lots of kids and was devastated when I found out it would never happen after failed ICSI rounds I just couldn’t do it to myself. I still became a mum as I adopted and it’s the best thing I did. Plus the bonus is she has none of my genes so cannot get the shitty diseases I have. I still had a good life and changed my career when she went to school and retrained to be a social worker and now place lots of kids for adoption so it’s a bit like coming full circle "
I adopted too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My 3 kids are my life they are the only reason I'm still around they give me more strength than I could ever think possible everytime I hear them laugh and shout daddy I know I'm doing a good job |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have one child and don’t want anymore. Being a single mum has had a impact on my mental health and now my boy has grown up a little, I don’t think I could go through it again  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's never been a choice so I'll never truly know the answer to that.. I was blessed to raise 3 little people with my ex husband that are all now over 18 and still part of my life.
I try not to dwell on it.. can drive you mad. |
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"When I was younger it was, but for a variety of reasons it never worked out. I have mixed feelings, on some of levels I feel sad and I do feel I have missed out but in reality my parents were shit parents and I think I would have been too so it was very probably for the best. Also moving away from my hometown was the best thing that I've ever done and that would never have happened if I'd had kids. I'm too old now, no desire to be the oldest dad at the school gates!"
One of my best mates was the child of a 68 year old and a 20 year old. The 20 year old went out with a famous rock star before my mate's dad so was used to money and excitement already. Neither my friend nor his sister have any issues that their dad was already a grandfather when he had them. And they've turned out great. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had an abusive childhood with a father who suffered severe mental health issues, and made sure we all suffered with him ....... BUT my kids were the best two days work I ever did. I can't imagine life without them. They have made me a better person. As for repeating the past - I just remembered everything my parents did, and made sure I did the opposite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I've never wanted children, when I first mentioned this at work, there were faces full of shock and horror, as if because I am female I should have automatically wanted them.  "
I get that response when I tell people I HAVE got kids. ‘But you’re not very maternal!’. People love to judge. |
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Generally I'm not that fussed about having kids, at least not yet.
The only downside as a 'bigger picture' is that, as the only male offspring of my father's siblings, the family name ends with me. |
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"No, I've never wanted children, when I first mentioned this at work, there were faces full of shock and horror, as if because I am female I should have automatically wanted them.
I get that response when I tell people I HAVE got kids. ‘But you’re not very maternal!’. People love to judge."
I had a, doctor get up in my face once |
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"My daughter passed away at 3 days old and I didn't think I could ever face that again but as I'm getting older the maternal side of me feels like I have love just stored up and I need to give it.
I am single though, I don't know if or when I might get that opportunity again so I guess I will know when it happens. "
My sister has always been maternal, but couldn't have children. She has never been in a relationship, but tried IVF. It failed several times. So she looked into adoption. She is now the proud mumma of an awesome little girl who is 2years old, and on the waiting list for a 2nd. If it something you really want there are means and ways.
Sorry to hear your story though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always wanted kids and found out I was pregnant last year when I was 24. I was terrified, considering abortion as I didn't feel ready and ideally didn't want any until I was around 30.
It never feels like the right time I suppose. I think the most difficult thing is having no support. I'm out of work as I was just starting to make really good progress, and working isn't an option for me for another few years. We have no freedom now as we have no family help as family live in a different country. I wouldn't change my girl for anything though, she has made me and my partner ridiculously happy and I'm so glad she is in my life. I can't wait to have more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My daughter passed away at 3 days old and I didn't think I could ever face that again but as I'm getting older the maternal side of me feels like I have love just stored up and I need to give it.
I am single though, I don't know if or when I might get that opportunity again so I guess I will know when it happens. "
I'm so sorry that happened. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I've never wanted children, when I first mentioned this at work, there were faces full of shock and horror, as if because I am female I should have automatically wanted them.
I get that response when I tell people I HAVE got kids. ‘But you’re not very maternal!’. People love to judge.
I had a, doctor get up in my face once "
Yep. I had a GP at 32 ‘Don’t leave it too late’, a scientific expert in my mid-20s ‘we need more children from people like you’ (at a time when I was nowhere near ready) and clinicians in my late thirties. Why medics and academics think it is any of their business is beyond me. I can’t think of a worse reason to have a child than a half-arsed response to external pressure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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God, I wanted a little girl so bad but unfortunately my eggs were weaklings and my uterus completely inhospitable. I actually mourned for years at what I couldn't have. I never had the choice to have children, it was never my destiny. |
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I've never wanted kids, in my 20's I was too busy partying and in my 30's I've got so many other adventures and things on (and still partying). Parenting is the most amazing thing for some people, but others like me just aren't arsed and see it as a bit of a prison.
I'm good with kids and people have said I'd make a great dad but I'm just not interested in having my own. |
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"My daughter passed away at 3 days old and I didn't think I could ever face that again but as I'm getting older the maternal side of me feels like I have love just stored up and I need to give it.
I am single though, I don't know if or when I might get that opportunity again so I guess I will know when it happens. "
Im so sorry to here that rubi but your only 30. One of my close friends had her one and only child at 45 which is 15 years older than you. An awful lot can happen even in just a year |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have never given much thought about having children or about being in a serious relationship... Until my niece and nephew came along around 3 years ago and it has changed me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I was younger it was, but for a variety of reasons it never worked out. I have mixed feelings, on some of levels I feel sad and I do feel I have missed out but in reality my parents were shit parents and I think I would have been too so it was very probably for the best. Also moving away from my hometown was the best thing that I've ever done and that would never have happened if I'd had kids. I'm too old now, no desire to be the oldest dad at the school gates!
One of my best mates was the child of a 68 year old and a 20 year old. The 20 year old went out with a famous rock star before my mate's dad so was used to money and excitement already. Neither my friend nor his sister have any issues that their dad was already a grandfather when he had them. And they've turned out great. "
And good for thme. 
I know people a lot older than me can and do have kids but I really couldn't imagine ams certainly don't want to be retiring be free a child turned 18. It really isn't from me |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I was never maternal and i’m not really fussed on other peoples kids.
But my two children (7 and 9) are my greatest source of joy and my greatest source of anxiety.
I would never be without them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve always wanted more and thought I would but as times gone on I’ve not. If I met someone now without children then we’d be incompatible. I’m at an age now where my children are teens and I don’t think I could go back to baby days. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The question feels rather pertinent right now with various family issues going on following a bereavement. I really think your early years go a long way toward forming your beliefs. I grew up the typical middle child but also with one parent who appeared to be resentful, dismissive, anxious, and depressed. You don’t understand that as a kid, what you see is somebody crying and threatening to leave and yelling at you rather than showing affection and interest. I picked up the idea that parenting is an unhappy thing. I always thought and told myself and others that I was 50/50 on the idea. But when I was married and my husband keen to have them, something held me back. I don’t know if that was recognising that I’m not maternal (though I’m very loving and empathetic) or fear. And now I’m older, I won’t find out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Recurrent miscarriages, unexplained secondary infertility, cervical cancer and then more miscarriages and my advancing age mean that the one thing I want more than anything in the world will never happen "
Hugs, must be incredibly hard ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, and I think the societal pressures on women to have them or provide some kind of explanation as to why you don’t have or want them is disgusting"
My sister-in-law hates any sort of extended family gathering due to the inevitable questions about when her and my brother will reproduce. The looks of shock, disbelief and even disgust are wearing a little thin. |
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Its odd my sister is 51 and never had a maternal bone in her body. As far as im aware shes had no negative reactions to it. She has lived in belguim all her married life so not sure if things are different over there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn't have a maternal bone in my body and was told at 16 that the chance of having kids would be minimal... I was very happy! Well, my son was handed to me at 24 and my daughter at 33! Have always been a single mum, always had my own businesses and put myself through a 2nd degree! Still don't have a maternal bone in my body and I'm still the party animal in our household but wouldn't change a thing! Life has been incredibly difficult at times and I'm the one disappearing off travelling again! But what a ride... |
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By *4nc3rCouple
over a year ago
Clacton-On-Sea, Essex |
I always said when I was younger that if I ever felt that need then I would rather adopt or Foster, that there are too many kids in the system who need a family; I had no interest in whether the child is "mine" or not, If I chose to take one in I would love it unconditionally.
But hubby happened, and we accidently ended up with 2 of our own which are painful enough
I love them dearly  |
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No it's wasn't, in fact when I was married I love the idea and freedom of being a DINK couple (daul income no kids) with my ex wife. Anyway she really wanted them. We had them and they are hard work and put lots of strains on a relationship. They cost everything, no only money, but all your time, energy and resources. They also vastly reduce your freedom and oppertunity to do things you want while your young.
Im not selling them am I? But despite the above I love them with all my heart. So much so that I changed my career to come home to them every night. And when when I split with ex wife they stayed with me because I could not bare be without them. And if you think all of the first paragraph sounds grim it's even grimmer as a single parent, believe me. Especially in terms of lack of free time and oppertunity for the things you want to do. But despite all the hardships they also give you so much. I am so much more a better person because of the things being a parent has taught me. I have also learnt so much about my self. And the love they have for you and you them is priceless.
So if I had my time again would I have kids again? Well either way I'd be happy. But the kids I do have I'd never want to be without and wouldn't trade them for the world. |
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By *redjMan
over a year ago
gloucestershire |
Most important thing in my life and most rewarding feeling of the love between you and your children, i have a son who is 25 and wanted another (secretly a girl) and got “bogof” offer twin girls who are now 14 love them to bits |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got the T shirt all that will say is do it with the right partner as I gave not seen mine for 6 years "
Have you sought legal advice about changing this situation?
I fought through the courts for six and a half years and was given custody of my son nearly 2 years ago.
Parental alienation and contact denial is classed as child abuse. |
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"No, and I think the societal pressures on women to have them or provide some kind of explanation as to why you don’t have or want them is disgusting"
The pressure contributed to my greatest medical trauma, and replays every single time I have women's health issues
I just want a healthy womb ffs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got the T shirt all that will say is do it with the right partner as I gave not seen mine for 6 years
Have you sought legal advice about changing this situation?
I fought through the courts for six and a half years and was given custody of my son nearly 2 years ago.
Parental alienation and contact denial is classed as child abuse."
Been court 6 times there is no legal reason apart from the mum is a cunt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope, I never wanted kids. I never dreamed of marriage either but I did it and would do it again with the right person. I like my life as it is and the freedom that comes with not having kids. |
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