FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Dealing with being alone

Dealing with being alone

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I wouldn't normally post something like this. Not really one for sharing but I need to know, how do you deal with being alone?

How do you avoid that horrible sensation when you get home and just sit down and it hits you? Or worse when you get into bed and shut off the light and your mind becomes your worst enemy?

Or is it just me? Am I overthinking all this?

This time last year I couldn't have been happier. Its surprising how it can fuck you up so quick.

I try and keep myself distracted for most of my day and evening but it's not possible to distract yourself forever. So, if anyone else is dealing with something similar to this, how do you cope with it?

Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just drink until i pass out...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Movies, box sets, reading and other mind distracting things.

Meets on occasions as sex is the best distraction. But being messed about and abused I rarely meet so the best distraction is few and far between

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Movies, box sets, reading and other mind distracting things.

Meets on occasions as sex is the best distraction. But being messed about and abused I rarely meet so the best distraction is few and far between

Reading, films and media in general I do enjoy. I also go running a lot. Sex is a good distraction and it does help but I agree, meetings are few and far between.

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By *akie32Man over a year ago

winchester

I find just being happy in your own skin the best way, you can't make someone else happy unless you are. It's not easy tho

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The mindset just adapts when you let go of what you did have as opposed to accepting what you have now. Keeping busy but enjoying alone time takes getting used to but lovely when you do. I love my solitude now, but it took time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There'sa difference between being alone and being lonely ... it sounds like you're lonely?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

educate yourself.

do an open university course which may improve your life and career.

if you have the time, in no time you'll be better off.

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By *heLaserGuyMan over a year ago

Coventry

Its hard op, this is my first xmas alone, never woke up to an empty house before on xmas day, had a pretty shite morning yesterday to be fair. The afternoon i went to my parents for dinner, but still coming home to an empty house is crap.

Ive been watching silent witness on catch up which has kept my mind occupied.

Ill be very glad when its all done and dusted, new year and all that...

This place has been a big help reading the fun posts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

+1 for distractions - and keeping busy, going out, making new friends...

but there's still that moment at the end of every day, when I get into a cold, empty bed and realise my life would probably be happier, with someone to share it with.

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

When I was first single I felt a failure and lonely. I had two kids living at home.

I now could not stand sharing my space, I enjoy living alone.

I invested in other relationships, made friends and have tried social groups.

I enjoy the simple things, love that I have no one moaning at me, moaning about me or making my life difficult. I was more lonely in my marraige.

Look after yourself

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

What has changed recently OP?

Distracting yourself is all very well but you can't run forever and need to actually deal with whatever it is that is making you feel this way.

Solitude is fine and this place can help but if you're relying on it then that won't help matters much.

Have a think, don't be scared of looking into the darker places and try to work out why you're feeling like this

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I find just being happy in your own skin the best way, you can't make someone else happy unless you are. It's not easy tho"

It's really not easy, no. There are so many things I want to change about me it's ridiculous.

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By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I can attest to the fact that it’s not easy and it doesn’t come naturally to many of us. We tend to be social creatures. I’m a single mum so if my daughter is off with her dad then I used to find the quiet absolutely deafening. I used to be busy for being busy’s sake and I plugged the gaps occasionally (pardon the pun) with meeting people from fab.

It’s taken me a good few years to really accept the times I am alone and try to enjoy them rather than let them freak me out. I left my friends earlier today and I’m heading up north to see some other friends tomorrow. Tonight it’s just me and a few cheeky glasses of prosecco. I can’t say it’s great but I’m enjoying a movie or two. I contemplated heading out to a club... because I can, but realised actually I think I’d rather chill out at home.

I’ve reached a fairly comfortable acceptance of my singleness. To the point of actually feeling quite protective of it.

Hope you can start to feel better soon OP

V x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The mindset just adapts when you let go of what you did have as opposed to accepting what you have now. Keeping busy but enjoying alone time takes getting used to but lovely when you do. I love my solitude now, but it took time. "

I hope I can get use to it. I use to love my alone time. Now it just feels like a prison.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"There'sa difference between being alone and being lonely ... it sounds like you're lonely? "

That's a good question. I am certainly lonely, can't argue that one. What makes me feel alone is having no one close to me I can tell this stuff to. I'd just have the piss taken out if me if I mentioned it all.

I have friends, plenty in fact, but none that would talk about this stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hope I can get use to it. I use to love my alone time. Now it just feels like a prison. "

You'll only enjoy alone time when you let go of what's changed and like yourself a little bit more... maybe time for a little soul searching.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There'sa difference between being alone and being lonely ... it sounds like you're lonely?

I have friends, plenty in fact, but none that would talk about this stuff. "

This stuff, as in fab?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I find just being happy in your own skin the best way, you can't make someone else happy unless you are. It's not easy tho

It's really not easy, no. There are so many things I want to change about me it's ridiculous. "

I get you completely. Loneliness is awful at any time but this time of year always feels harder. There's so much pressure to catch up with friends and to be happy and joyful but if you're not feeling it inside, it's so hard

I don't know what the answer is Op but if one of us ever finds out, we must promise to tell the other xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't normally post something like this. Not really one for sharing but I need to know, how do you deal with being alone?

How do you avoid that horrible sensation when you get home and just sit down and it hits you? Or worse when you get into bed and shut off the light and your mind becomes your worst enemy?

Or is it just me? Am I overthinking all this?

This time last year I couldn't have been happier. Its surprising how it can fuck you up so quick.

Thanks.

D. "

Plan things and space your events out so you have a mixture of work...socialising and time you can chill. Choose your time wisely x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hope I can get use to it. I use to love my alone time. Now it just feels like a prison. "

What's changed?

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I love being on ma own. I've had several long term relationships over the years, but at least now I can wear what I want, eat what I want, watch what I want, and go out when I want. A wank has never been easier

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By *iss SJWoman over a year ago

Hull

"I love being on ma own. I've had several long term relationships over the years, but at least now I can wear what I want, eat what I want, watch what I want, and go out when I want. A wank has never been easier

Absolutely this - plus when you put something away or down it’s always exactly where you left it. If only I could remember where that was every time

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Its hard op, this is my first xmas alone, never woke up to an empty house before on xmas day, had a pretty shite morning yesterday to be fair. The afternoon i went to my parents for dinner, but still coming home to an empty house is crap.

Ive been watching silent witness on catch up which has kept my mind occupied.

Ill be very glad when its all done and dusted, new year and all that...

This place has been a big help reading the fun posts."

I'm sorry mate. That's horrible. I agree though, I'll be glad when it's all done.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"+1 for distractions - and keeping busy, going out, making new friends...

but there's still that moment at the end of every day, when I get into a cold, empty bed and realise my life would probably be happier, with someone to share it with.

Yup!

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"but none that would talk about this stuff. "

Apart from us in the forum

The reality is that some of them are likely feeling the same at times.

The easy answer to not feeling lonely/alone when on one's own is to be happy in oneself. This can be hard to achieve and does take effort.

And even if one can get to that place it is not possible to be there all the time. I'm happy in myself and with my life, work, friends and experiences, But every now and then it is impossible to not feel down.

When that strikes I distract myself with things I like. Working is a big escape for me. Music also, happy stuff though. I also tell myself that being on my own is far far better than having been with the wrong man for years.

I don't drink so that's not an option and I feel it only accentuates a mood anyway. Talking to people on here helps and, when all else fails allow your self the luxury of sleeping. Tomorrow really is always another day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't normally post something like this. Not really one for sharing but I need to know, how do you deal with being alone?

How do you avoid that horrible sensation when you get home and just sit down and it hits you? Or worse when you get into bed and shut off the light and your mind becomes your worst enemy?

Or is it just me? Am I overthinking all this?

This time last year I couldn't have been happier. Its surprising how it can fuck you up so quick.

Thanks.

D. "

Work

Hobbies

Friends

A dog

And masturbation

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Sorry guys, I'm trying to reply to everyone but didn't expect this many comments to be honest.

I just want to say thank you all. You are certainly helping me tonight.

Much love! X

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Absolutely this - plus when you put something away or down it’s always exactly where you left it. If only I could remember where that was every time

What got me was when we got tarted up for a night out and I put a shirt on that she had bought me, only to be rebuked with "You're not wearing that tonight are you?!" Well you bought it for me M'dear

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By *heLaserGuyMan over a year ago

Coventry

Ive been watching silent witness on catch up which has kept my mind occupied.

Ill be very glad when its all done and dusted, new year and all that...

This place has been a big help reading the fun posts.

I'm sorry mate. That's horrible. I agree though, I'll be glad when it's all done. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve not looked at your profile so know nothing about you, but.

The gym or activities that get the heart rate up are supposed to help release feel good endorphins, I know what it’s like, it’s not easy and your really not alone. The couples you see aren’t always happy behind the scenes, nor is the guy or girl fucking everything in sight-they are already looking for their next fix before the last has finished.

Stand with your back against the wall, everything that is behind you is already history, you can’t do anything about it. Now look forward it’s all unwritten so write the next chapter, set yourself a goal and work towards it, clear out the people or things in your life that are negative, fuck the naysayers. Think positive because you can achieve things you want, you can be happy-don’t worry about the image others are projecting it’s mostly fake (take mail order brides for example-all from China (tongue in cheek)). Your at the wheel of your happiness and future no one else so start steering which way you want it to go.

Look at some of the biggest stars in the world for inspiration, some started with literally nothing but had big dreams and though some dark times kept their eyes on the prize, There is no such thing as can’t do it. There is can’t be arsed, you got to decide if you’re a can’t be arsed type or are you going to get that prize kinda person?

Look up Jim Carey, Arnold Schwarzenegger and sylvester Stallone for starters on inspiration.

Improve yourself either mentally or physically, fill your brain with new and exciting information, naturally exorcising the past your thinking about with new things!

Physically improve yourself, doesn’t have to be extreme but will release feel good endorphins and you might feel better about yourself. This will also tire you out so you will fall asleep easier and naturally.

Eat well, your body and brain can only function well on what you eat, if you eat crap you will feel crap. I know if I don’t get a decent portion of meat and veg every few days I start to go downhill on energy both for engaging my brain and body!

Don’t do tomorrow what you can do now, for now is already history. Your ambitions and goals won’t fall into your lap go get them.

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By *ingle ex cuckMan over a year ago

chester

this is one of the benefits of social media I guess so if you take the positives you can actually never be alone but of course you can't say it's better than a real person

have you thought of learning meditation? this will help if your feeling lonely .

all the best.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve not looked at your profile so know nothing about you, but.

Look up Jim Carey, Arnold Schwarzenegger and sylvester Stallone for starters on inspiration.

Improve yourself either mentally or physically, fill your brain with new and exciting information, naturally exorcising the past your thinking about with new things!

Don’t do tomorrow what you can do now, for now is already history. Your ambitions and goals won’t fall into your lap go get them."

I love this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know how you're feeling. This time last year I was in a relationship. Went tits up. Now renting a room miles and miles away from my kids and people I know. I don't go out, unless to shops or Costa, not even the pub anymore.

All I do is work, watch tv/films and sleep.

A chance of sex would be nice, but not even getting that

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’ve not looked at your profile so know nothing about you, but.

Look up Jim Carey, Arnold Schwarzenegger and sylvester Stallone for starters on inspiration.

Improve yourself either mentally or physically, fill your brain with new and exciting information, naturally exorcising the past your thinking about with new things!

Don’t do tomorrow what you can do now, for now is already history. Your ambitions and goals won’t fall into your lap go get them."

This is beautiful. Thank you.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I suppose some people can handle being on their own easier than others, I lost ma Mam 2 days before ma 7th Birthday and ma Dad when I was 21, I'm an only child, but in all honesty OP adaptation is key, I hope you've had some good advice on here though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Distraction mainly.

Not always successfully.

I think it's ok to "feel" too you know- it's important to do this, helps get it out of your system.

Hoping you can find your way through it.

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

"I just drink until i pass out...

Are you joking ? If not I hope you feel you don't need to do this very soon x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For me it's remembering that I felt quite lonely while I was married and I am fundamentally happier on my own. I also remind myself that you can only make yourself happy, then make sure you are filling your life with the things that give you that happiness.

Inspite of all that, this last month has definitely been a lonely one but I already feel more optimistic now xmas is over

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Get two lovely cats like mine who will never make you feel lonely as they will spend most of their waking hours cuddling up to you and making you feel like you are their Queen or King!

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"I just drink until i pass out...

Are you joking ? If not I hope you feel you don't need to do this very soon x"

I just drink until I talk utter gibberish, at least there's no fecker to moan at me in the morning

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Again, thank you all. My heads in a better place from readi g your kind words. Xxx

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By *panishTVTV/TS over a year ago

Dublin 4

Darling if you love yourself you will love your own company, there is nothing wrong with that

Now if you feel you need someone then get a gf or partner.

Lots of love to you xx

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Again, thank you all. My heads in a better place from readi g your kind words. Xxx"

That's cool, are you actually looking for a relationship OP?

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By *ycra loutMan over a year ago

york/Scarborough

I know exactly how you feel OP. I do a lot of cycling to keep my mind occupied and I have dog's that keep me entertained but it's in the evening when it hits me the most. I try to go to bed when I'm tired so I fall asleep sooner rather than later but the early evening is a big struggle sometimes..try and keep your chin up and maybe find a hobby to keep your mind occupied

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Again, thank you all. My heads in a better place from readi g your kind words. Xxx

That's cool, are you actually looking for a relationship OP? "

No I'm not. Not right now. I don't think it would be fair on the person I got with, if I'm not in the right frame of mind to begin with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I know exactly how you feel OP. I do a lot of cycling to keep my mind occupied and I have dog's that keep me entertained but it's in the evening when it hits me the most. I try to go to bed when I'm tired so I fall asleep sooner rather than later but the early evening is a big struggle sometimes..try and keep your chin up and maybe find a hobby to keep your mind occupied

Thanks buddy.

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