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Feeling a little invisable....
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By *abbitsXXX OP Couple
over a year ago
Stoke on trent |
So recently we made to decision not to arrange any more meets purely because we don't get much time to spend together....
But right now I feel pretty invisable as as normal life is....we go to work, come home..... go to work, come home I feel like there is no relationship ...I have pointed this out and the response I get is we just need more time to spend together....I think it's more than this tho as I have spoken about what I need from a relationship and yes...I'm still waiting for any signs of change .....let alone the sex side ( which is non existent) not many of the relation boxes are being ticked either ...
I feel the problem is my husbands job he works a lot of hours and covers Other ppls shifts so can do earlys latest and mids all in one week but it feels like work is getting 100 % of his time and energy and we he home and family don't even exist any tips? ? Cos I really am at breaking point x
I am a woman and have needs ...and I should have to ask... but I already have and have been ignored x  |
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By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago
kilmarnockish |
Your not invisible. Sometimes life’s priorities change, sometimes good, sometimes not so good.
If it were me, a weekend away, a nice pub, a meal arrange for thé both of you. No one else!
Worth a try!
Btw no phones either!! |
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By *abbitsXXX OP Couple
over a year ago
Stoke on trent |
I completely get that ...priorities can change but he has been in this post a while now and it is seriously taking over home life...or so it seems I thought things would settle but it's been like 12 months now and the daily structure seems to change every day...it just causes chaos with a marriage and a family life x and he is constantly tired and snappy with me and the kids ..I have delicately pointed it out but I don't know what else I can do ...but I feel like I'm being treated like rubbish really and the kids just get told off every time he sees them.  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Work/life balance is a hard thing to recognise and redress, especially if he feels like he's working hard to provide and possibly feels as though he's sacrificing so much of himself for what is necessary.
I've been in that position OP where I've worked hard, been under pressure from the job and then had pressure from home too, if you feel at breaking point then he will too.
Try not to put the focus on him about the problems, it's a good thing that you want to spend time together but it can come across as 'another thing' for him to deal with.
Try and broach the subject in a non confrontational manner, talk to him about restoring balance and try to engineer time together where its just you and you do something fun and freeing for you both.
Good luck OP, I hope you get things sorted. |
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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago
Ashford kent |
Pack his case...when he comes home from work ..tell him ..its talking and sorting it or he can leave..
Us men need a jolt now and then..
Or as ya dad may say ..a foot up the arse...
Tho u have to be realistic in what u want...
Hope u sort it out...
You could just dress up as misses clause and seduce him...tie him to bed and have yr way...  |
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By *abbitsXXX OP Couple
over a year ago
Stoke on trent |
Thank you for the replies x it's so hard I work too so I'm not stay at home wife ....and yesterday took the biscuit as I had a day off I did 3 loads of washing two school runs went to a chiropractor appointment cooked tea and he came in from work ran me to the appointment and went to bed ...got up this morning and went to work I've had no message to say he got there dead or alive but right now I'm so hurt I can't even bring myself to message ...
And I have the Mrs clause outfit ready ...but right now I don't think he would notice if I wasn't there let alone in a Mrs clause outfit ..  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Thank you for the replies x it's so hard I work too so I'm not stay at home wife ....and yesterday took the biscuit as I had a day off I did 3 loads of washing two school runs went to a chiropractor appointment cooked tea and he came in from work ran me to the appointment and went to bed ...got up this morning and went to work I've had no message to say he got there dead or alive but right now I'm so hurt I can't even bring myself to message ...
And I have the Mrs clause outfit ready ...but right now I don't think he would notice if I wasn't there let alone in a Mrs clause outfit .. "
Will he get time off over Christmas? |
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He sounds hugely stressed, very tired and possibly depressed. You're getting the arse end of that, it happens in relationships.
Is there any chance he can change his working conditions? If not you might need to tell him that if he isn't prepared to talk meaningfully and discuss with you ways of ensuring both your needs are addressed then your relationship is going to drift into serious trouble.
Good luck |
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I think forcing a proper conversation with him like an adult rather than bottling it up or coming to an internet forum is the only way to fix your problem. People can offer all the advice they want but it's not going to help if either you're not going to talk to him or he's not going to listen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So recently we made to decision not to arrange any more meets purely because we don't get much time to spend together....
But right now I feel pretty invisable as as normal life is....we go to work, come home..... go to work, come home I feel like there is no relationship ...I have pointed this out and the response I get is we just need more time to spend together....I think it's more than this tho as I have spoken about what I need from a relationship and yes...I'm still waiting for any signs of change .....let alone the sex side ( which is non existent) not many of the relation boxes are being ticked either ...
I feel the problem is my husbands job he works a lot of hours and covers Other ppls shifts so can do earlys latest and mids all in one week but it feels like work is getting 100 % of his time and energy and we he home and family don't even exist any tips? ? Cos I really am at breaking point x
I am a woman and have needs ...and I should have to ask... but I already have and have been ignored x "
Well talk to him more tell him it's driving you nuts, why is he working so many hours, do you need the money? I live my life for me now not for bills |
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By *abbitsXXX OP Couple
over a year ago
Stoke on trent |
I have sat down,, we have talked he knows how I feel... he probably is tired stressed and depressed a little but my plate is full to bursting with work running a home and bringing two kids up...I do the supportive wife thing when we are together Cook the tea lookalike deer the house initiate use time sort out date nite etc but I can't do any more ! |
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"I think forcing a proper conversation with him like an adult rather than bottling it up or coming to an internet forum is the only way to fix your problem. People can offer all the advice they want but it's not going to help if either you're not going to talk to him or he's not going to listen"
Sometimes people need to vent or just order their thoughts which is where the forums come in useful.
If you've tried talking to your other half OP and he doesn't appear to be listening, then try putting your feelings in writing to him.
Explain exactly how you feel. He may take more notice if it's there in black and white in front of him.
Hoping that helps.
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You have to realise he is probably doing what he thinks is right, keep working and earning money for the family, my ex husband had an engineering business and worked all the hours he could, and yes he came home and fell asleep on the sofa etc, I never moaned about it or questioned it, he thought he was doing what he should to keep our home going.
Talk to him again and set a night where you spend time together, even if it means banning the kids from the living room after 9pm  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think forcing a proper conversation with him like an adult rather than bottling it up or coming to an internet forum is the only way to fix your problem. People can offer all the advice they want but it's not going to help if either you're not going to talk to him or he's not going to listen
Sometimes people need to vent or just order their thoughts which is where the forums come in useful.
If you've tried talking to your other half OP and he doesn't appear to be listening, then try putting your feelings in writing to him.
Explain exactly how you feel. He may take more notice if it's there in black and white in front of him.
Hoping that helps.
"
I was going to suggest writing it all down too. And ask him to do the same. |
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"I have sat down,, we have talked he knows how I feel... he probably is tired stressed and depressed a little but my plate is full to bursting with work running a home and bringing two kids up...I do the supportive wife thing when we are together Cook the tea lookalike deer the house initiate use time sort out date nite etc but I can't do any more ! "
Then its ultimatum time. Sometimes people need it, especially if they know there's a problem. It can be very easy to take your partner for granted.
Again, good luck |
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"I have sat down,, we have talked he knows how I feel... he probably is tired stressed and depressed a little but my plate is full to bursting with work running a home and bringing two kids up...I do the supportive wife thing when we are together Cook the tea lookalike deer the house initiate use time sort out date nite etc but I can't do any more ! "
So what is the alternative? Divorce where you will end up doing everything and more, do you really want your relationship to go that way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have sat down,, we have talked he knows how I feel... he probably is tired stressed and depressed a little but my plate is full to bursting with work running a home and bringing two kids up...I do the supportive wife thing when we are together Cook the tea lookalike deer the house initiate use time sort out date nite etc but I can't do any more ! "
Think how you will feel 10 years from now when it's still the same. It's not up to you to sort it.
Relationships are for 2 people, not 1. Sometimes it would be easier on your own. Good luck. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok op I'm going to be very blunt please don't think I'm being hostile.
Q.He is always Knackered due to covering shifts and lots of hours.
A. He is playing away. If not then why isn't he wanting to be home with you. I know we all want money but you balance that out with the one you love so she isn't feeling like you are.
To me he is getting it somewhere else.
Sorry
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"Ok op I'm going to be very blunt please don't think I'm being hostile.
Q.He is always Knackered due to covering shifts and lots of hours.
A. He is playing away. If not then why isn't he wanting to be home with you. I know we all want money but you balance that out with the one you love so she isn't feeling like you are.
To me he is getting it somewhere else.
Sorry
"
That is immediately jumping to the worst case and does not help at all planting those thoughts in her head |
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"Ok op I'm going to be very blunt please don't think I'm being hostile.
Q.He is always Knackered due to covering shifts and lots of hours.
A. He is playing away. If not then why isn't he wanting to be home with you. I know we all want money but you balance that out with the one you love so she isn't feeling like you are.
To me he is getting it somewhere else.
Sorry
That is immediately jumping to the worst case and does not help at all planting those thoughts in her head"
I think the problem with this kind of thread is there's no input from the other partner. All we can suggest is communication because we only have one side. As you say suggesting he's having an affair isn't helpful really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok op I'm going to be very blunt please don't think I'm being hostile.
Q.He is always Knackered due to covering shifts and lots of hours.
A. He is playing away. If not then why isn't he wanting to be home with you. I know we all want money but you balance that out with the one you love so she isn't feeling like you are.
To me he is getting it somewhere else.
Sorry
"
Oh for goodness sake - some things are not always about sex! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It happens chick. Sometimes they don't know what they had till they lose you. Just get on with your life. Concentrate on you and if and when he wants to be part of your life he'll will. Forget the Santa outfit. Go out with friends instead. Don't message when your out either x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for the replies x it's so hard I work too so I'm not stay at home wife ....and yesterday took the biscuit as I had a day off I did 3 loads of washing two school runs went to a chiropractor appointment cooked tea and he came in from work ran me to the appointment and went to bed ...got up this morning and went to work I've had no message to say he got there dead or alive but right now I'm so hurt I can't even bring myself to message ...
And I have the Mrs clause outfit ready ...but right now I don't think he would notice if I wasn't there let alone in a Mrs clause outfit .. "
I have sooooo been here my lovely. Only you can decide what to do. All the best whatever you decide. It’s not easy xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happens chick. Sometimes they don't know what they had till they lose you. Just get on with your life. Concentrate on you and if and when he wants to be part of your life he'll will. Forget the Santa outfit. Go out with friends instead. Don't message when your out either x"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have sat down,, we have talked he knows how I feel... he probably is tired stressed and depressed a little but my plate is full to bursting with work running a home and bringing two kids up...I do the supportive wife thing when we are together Cook the tea lookalike deer the house initiate use time sort out date nite etc but I can't do any more ! "
I was I think a great communicator but similar thing happened to me and it didn't go well in the end unfortunately you can't make him want you and talking about it only goes so far I think, desiring each other comes naturally or not and when that breaks down its rare that it can be repaired if he's knackered all the time suggest he cuts down on the hours, I used to work long hours when I worked but always made sure I had time for her and the children.
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So this is a couples account and the female half has had enough of the male half .
There’s a lot of talk on here about discretion ( or lack of it ) , and this thread really takes the biscuit . We haven’t heard a thing from the male half , and all we’ve had is a lot of personal stuff from the female relating to him no longer giving her what she needs . And that he tells the kids off when he does see them .
This isn’t the place for this !
And certainly not coming from a couples account .
I suggest you get this thread removed before he sees it and sort things out in a better way , away from a swinging site . Public airing of dirty washing like this is not good form . |
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By *abbitsXXX OP Couple
over a year ago
Stoke on trent |
"I think forcing a proper conversation with him like an adult rather than bottling it up or coming to an internet forum is the only way to fix your problem. People can offer all the advice they want but it's not going to help if either you're not going to talk to him or he's not going to listen"
We have tried talks but he has a stroppy and walks off a bit like last night. .. |
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"So this is a couples account and the female half has had enough of the male half .
There’s a lot of talk on here about discretion ( or lack of it ) , and this thread really takes the biscuit . We haven’t heard a thing from the male half , and all we’ve had is a lot of personal stuff from the female relating to him no longer giving her what she needs . And that he tells the kids off when he does see them .
This isn’t the place for this !
And certainly not coming from a couples account .
I suggest you get this thread removed before he sees it and sort things out in a better way , away from a swinging site . Public airing of dirty washing like this is not good form ."
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By *adesCouple
over a year ago
leicestershire |
You both need some you time like others have said, but I think when your in a rut you have to sit each other down and make some plans for some quality time. If he doesn’t agree or won’t value you then you need to take care of yourself x |
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"Screenshot your OP and send it to him. Or send him the thread link if you can tell us then you can tell him again - might wake him up a little x
Do you really think that would help ?
"
Nothing else has so far... |
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"Screenshot your OP and send it to him. Or send him the thread link if you can tell us then you can tell him again - might wake him up a little x
Do you really think that would help ?
Nothing else has so far..."
I would be livid if my wife was saying all this on a public forum |
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"Screenshot your OP and send it to him. Or send him the thread link if you can tell us then you can tell him again - might wake him up a little x
Do you really think that would help ?
Nothing else has so far...
I would be livid if my wife was saying all this on a public forum "
Totally agree . I think it shows a lack of maturity to ask total strangers in a forum for advice . I’m sorry to say |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I've just read all the responses and here's my 2p's worth.
Whilst it's good to get others opinions I suspect it would have been better done in private, unless you're 100% sure he doesn't venture into the forums. He may not be happy about your problems being aired in public.
Putting a hold on meets is a bloody good idea. If there are problems at home then seeking a solution elsewhere either alone or with him isn't going to help one bit.
Put pen to paper. If talking about it with him is difficult write it down. He can then read it when alone in his own time and maybe respond the same way - sometimes it's easier.
And I can't help but feel if this was a post from the male half he'd have gotten different responses, simply saying he should 'man up' and talk to you and that no doubt the pressure of running a home was to blame and he shouldn't expect sex to be a priority. It's generally what happens with similar posts from men.
Good luck. It happens to many a couple and it can be hard to find a quick solution. Maybe step away from Fab completely and focus on eachother for a while.
A |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I've just read all the responses and here's my 2p's worth.
Whilst it's good to get others opinions I suspect it would have been better done in private, unless you're 100% sure he doesn't venture into the forums. He may not be happy about your problems being aired in public.
Putting a hold on meets is a bloody good idea. If there are problems at home then seeking a solution elsewhere either alone or with him isn't going to help one bit.
Put pen to paper. If talking about it with him is difficult write it down. He can then read it when alone in his own time and maybe respond the same way - sometimes it's easier.
And I can't help but feel if this was a post from the male half he'd have gotten different responses, simply saying he should 'man up' and talk to you and that no doubt the pressure of running a home was to blame and he shouldn't expect sex to be a priority. It's generally what happens with similar posts from men.
Good luck. It happens to many a couple and it can be hard to find a quick solution. Maybe step away from Fab completely and focus on eachother for a while.
A"
Thanks you've just saved me a lot of typing as that just about sums it up completely.
Communication is the key OP and I know it's not always easy, especially as it's a two way thing that is about listening as well as speaking, and even more especially when one half doesn't want to or can't do either but you have to find a way otherwise the pressure will continue to build until it spills over in the most spectacular of fashions.
There is no easy answer, but I wish you well and hope you find one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Screenshot your OP and send it to him. Or send him the thread link if you can tell us then you can tell him again - might wake him up a little x
Do you really think that would help ?
"
More likely to hinder |
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"Screenshot your OP and send it to him. Or send him the thread link if you can tell us then you can tell him again - might wake him up a little x
Do you really think that would help ?
More likely to hinder "
Yep |
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"I get that about the sex but it has been off the table for a while! And I need to feel like a woman ...."
A lot of men say this when they complain about lack of sex at home. They are often told to make more of an effort with their wives or to put up with it.
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"I get that about the sex but it has been off the table for a while! And I need to feel like a woman ....
A lot of men say this when they complain about lack of sex at home. They are often told to make more of an effort with their wives or to put up with it.
"
Or you could just openly complain about it on an open forum from the couples profile he’s on too .
That should sort it |
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By *abbitsXXX OP Couple
over a year ago
Stoke on trent |
No he doesn't tend to come on the forums but I guess I would know if he had been on lol
I am undecided to show him this tread or not... as like someone said I'm not the kind of person to air dirty washing in publiC was really just looking for advice and no one on this thread actually knows me in person so I felt safe talking on here ...
Yes I get the point about divorce and then being responsible for everything but to be honest that's how it feels now anyway ...
Anyway thank you for all of the replies they have really helped x |
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"Screenshot your OP and send it to him. Or send him the thread link if you can tell us then you can tell him again - might wake him up a little x
Do you really think that would help ?
Nothing else has so far...
I would be livid if my wife was saying all this on a public forum "
You make a good point. |
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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago
Ashford kent |
"No he doesn't tend to come on the forums but I guess I would know if he had been on lol
I am undecided to show him this tread or not... as like someone said I'm not the kind of person to air dirty washing in publiC was really just looking for advice and no one on this thread actually knows me in person so I felt safe talking on here ...
Yes I get the point about divorce and then being responsible for everything but to be honest that's how it feels now anyway ...
Anyway thank you for all of the replies they have really helped x "
Dont be hasty..it is xmas ..you have little ones to think of....its good u have talked..or did u bark.?
See how xmas goes..he may surprise u now he knows. ....best of luck however it goes op....im sending spiritual hugs for yr whole little family. ...and hoping its a happy xmas for u all....
Jay  |
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