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By *MP3 OP Man
over a year ago
Between Scylla and Charybdis |
Anyone caught one of these recently? 
Beer Scooter (abridged version)
The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to the d*unk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine.
The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger reaches a certain level of d*unkenness and the slurring gland begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them to their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.
It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second question after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out 'What happened?'
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences.
For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot Boots. These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up
your other half. Special anti-gravity springs also ensure that you bump into every wall.
The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
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