FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Bullying and Banter
Bullying and Banter
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments.   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What starts as "the bants" seems to be like a runaway train at time ending up going to far and someone being hurt or offended. Just be mindful to keep the banter fun for everyone and not directed at someone too personally. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
Huge difference between bullying and banter. However there are lots on here who dislike people having a different opinion on here as well. Some threads are irresponsible and or inflammatory and will attract peoples opinions to the contrary. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What starts as "the bants" seems to be like a runaway train at time ending up going to far and someone being hurt or offended. Just be mindful to keep the banter fun for everyone and not directed at someone too personally."
Agreed... I never take it to far and I only banter with people I've known gor ages! Good mates. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Huge difference between bullying and banter. However there are lots on here who dislike people having a different opinion on here as well. Some threads are irresponsible and or inflammatory and will attract peoples opinions to the contrary. "
It's hard to banter on threads as people can't see the tone... I use emojis but they seem to get overlooked.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Huge difference between bullying and banter. However there are lots on here who dislike people having a different opinion on here as well. Some threads are irresponsible and or inflammatory and will attract peoples opinions to the contrary. "
 some threads are deliberately provocative and their MO is to wind people up and cause chaos.
There’s a fine line between banter and bullying at times, I agree that sometimes it’s easy to cry ‘bully’ when someone has a different opinion or challenges you to explain or justify something that you’ve said or done.
Having said that just because your mates down the pub are happy to called wankers and twats it doesn’t mean that the stranger on the Internet forum will take it in such good spirits so know your audience before engaging in bantz that could cause offence on here! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Huge difference between bullying and banter. However there are lots on here who dislike people having a different opinion on here as well. Some threads are irresponsible and or inflammatory and will attract peoples opinions to the contrary.
some threads are deliberately provocative and their MO is to wind people up and cause chaos.
There’s a fine line between banter and bullying at times, I agree that sometimes it’s easy to cry ‘bully’ when someone has a different opinion or challenges you to explain or justify something that you’ve said or done.
Having said that just because your mates down the pub are happy to called wankers and twats it doesn’t mean that the stranger on the Internet forum will take it in such good spirits so know your audience before engaging in bantz that could cause offence on here! "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Banter has it's place and in it's place (where all concerned *know* it's banter) it fine.
Trouble is there is a very fine line between the two and all too often things like "it was only banter" or "I was only joking lighten up" are used to excuse bad and often bullying behaviour. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"“Banter” appears to have become the default excuse for poor behaviour to others. "
I'm never rude or talk down too anyone on here, ok I may have said something I didn't mean sometimes, in the heat of the moment. I realise I may have upset someone and I will apologise. Nothing I say on here is meant with any malice or ill will. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. "
Banter becomes bullying when someone actually targets someone and disagrees openly at their opinion and not in a nice way, abuses them for it. You need to control the thread and bring it back to people having an opinion which is fine but not people who are receiving abuse because they have an opinion. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Banter can be difficult online/ text etc as there is no tone to what you’re saying so can easily be taken the wrong way.
At my workplace there is a “no banter” rule as too many people took it offensively... what has the world come too?!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
Banter is only banter if the person on the receiving end thinks it’s funny.
If it’s not funny, then it’s distressing, that makes it bullying. I’ve been on the receiving end more than once . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Banter can be difficult online/ text etc as there is no tone to what you’re saying so can easily be taken the wrong way.
At my workplace there is a “no banter” rule as too many people took it offensively... what has the world come too?! "
Death of fun at your workplace, oh dear! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
The definition of “banter” is all about good humoured teasing. My daughter is using social media now and I’ve talked a lot to her about teasing and how teasing can become tiresome and upsetting quickly. So I tell her if you type something you don’t want me to see then you’re getting it wrong. Teasing is funny until it isn’t and then things can go wrong quickly. Emojis are not a panacea for a message that is rude or so insulting. Just because you add a smile after calling someone a cunt .... it doesn’t always help unless you know them well.
Bullying is very different. It’s a word we use too lightly these days.
So imagine your mums reading your messages. If she would tell you off. You’re doing it wrong.
V x
Ps my mum would have boxed my ears for using the word “cunt”. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
For it to be banter and not bullying, it is important that everyone involved in the banter is enjoying the interaction. If someone is laughing at remarks made about them, they are probably not finding it offensive (but keep in mind that even when people are laughing they can be hiding their hurt).
If everyone enjoys it, it’s banter. But if just one person finds it upsetting, and you continue, it becomes bullying.
If a person reacts negatively to something you have said, don’t try to change their mind or justify your words. Instead just make a mental note not to joke around about that topic with them in the future, as it’s obviously a touchy subject for them. That doesn’t mean you need to stop that kind of banter altogether, but you should stop it while you’re around that person because you know it will upset them. (It would be a good idea to ask your other friends how they feel about it too. It might be others were offended too.)
Similarly if people are constantly teased about certain characteristics (their new glasses) or experiences (that time they stepped in dog poo), even in a joking way, they may feel that they are being bullied even if that was never the intent.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The definition of “banter” is all about good humoured teasing. My daughter is using social media now and I’ve talked a lot to her about teasing and how teasing can become tiresome and upsetting quickly. So I tell her if you type something you don’t want me to see then you’re getting it wrong. Teasing is funny until it isn’t and then things can go wrong quickly. Emojis are not a panacea for a message that is rude or so insulting. Just because you add a smile after calling someone a cunt .... it doesn’t always help unless you know them well.
Bullying is very different. It’s a word we use too lightly these days.
So imagine your mums reading your messages. If she would tell you off. You’re doing it wrong.
V x
Ps my mum would have boxed my ears for using the word “cunt”. "
Washed your mouth out with soap!! X
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The definition of “banter” is all about good humoured teasing. My daughter is using social media now and I’ve talked a lot to her about teasing and how teasing can become tiresome and upsetting quickly. So I tell her if you type something you don’t want me to see then you’re getting it wrong. Teasing is funny until it isn’t and then things can go wrong quickly. Emojis are not a panacea for a message that is rude or so insulting. Just because you add a smile after calling someone a cunt .... it doesn’t always help unless you know them well.
Bullying is very different. It’s a word we use too lightly these days.
So imagine your mums reading your messages. If she would tell you off. You’re doing it wrong.
V x
Ps my mum would have boxed my ears for using the word “cunt”. "
Yep it’s not a nice word  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think you said it on your op. Banter is for when you know people well. Did you know the person well yesterday?
As has been said on her by many people, 'banter' is often used as an excuse for bullying.
I was bullied at school and each time I got the teachers involved and we had a meeting with said bullies they would always try to brush it off as just a joke between friends. Just like lots of posts here are done when the poster is challenged. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
"
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
Yeah, there is a substantial difference.
The context is everything and you have to kind of know or read the person before you engage with banter. You can't be too personal.
Banter is becoming a lost art on here. Too many people are easily offended so you have to be aware of your audience. For comedic purposes, I just try to say something funny whether I win, lose or draw. You just have to convey that you're not serious with emojis. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have enjoyed banter in the passed when I used to be more frequent on here.. but it was always with people I got on with.
The unfortunate side effect was mods or admit did not always know it was friendly banter and one of us would have a surprise holiday from it.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you said it on your op. Banter is for when you know people well. Did you know the person well yesterday?
As has been said on her by many people, 'banter' is often used as an excuse for bullying.
I was bullied at school and each time I got the teachers involved and we had a meeting with said bullies they would always try to brush it off as just a joke between friends. Just like lots of posts here are done when the poster is challenged. "
I don't know him personally well, but we have seen eachother on forums. I don't want to get in to what I said, but what I said was meant as fun. I didn't think he'd be offended. I apologised as soon as I noticed he did. I also apologised to someone who I wrongly accused of being something I now know they're not x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I believe 99% of us don’t bully, we all enjoy the banter in the forums, hence why we’re here!!
However, I have experienced the darker side of this, i retaliated and got booted of under my previous name LadyQ
The person had done this to several others yet is still on here and continues to be a nasty racist bigot. Shame these few spoil it for the rest of us |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age. "
I used to use banter a lot, but since I have stopped people are viewing me as a nicer person and that is not a bad thing. Others do not share my wacky sense of humour and I feel better for it to be honest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings. "
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used. "
Hi Evie if that’s the case then it’s deffibately bullying, sometimes you need to let things go, it’s not easy I’ve been guilty of always trying to get my point across, but now I try letting it go, it’s easier...
How’s Evesham this morning ??
X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As someone else has stated I think it’s knowing your audience ...we are the first to take the piss out of our selves ..if it cuts a little close to the bone, we like to think it’s not because the person is genuinely nasty, they just don’t know us. That said, obvious comments like “ your fat as fuck”, “ugly bastard” etc are just plain nasty and could well be construed as bullying |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used. "
And I apologised. Let's not get into it now please. I said sorry, I should PM him really. It's not that I didn't like the comment. I read it and there was no full stops so I read it as one sentence so I just commented what I commented with no intention of offending anyone... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used.
And I apologised. Let's not get into it now please. I said sorry, I should PM him really. It's not that I didn't like the comment. I read it and there was no full stops so I read it as one sentence so I just commented what I commented with no intention of offending anyone... "
So apologise to him in private. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I am going to stop referring to yesterday but as it was the driving force behind the thread I thought I'd best clarify some bits! "
Noted and I thank you... thought we agreed yesterday we could put this being us. I am sorry mate  x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used.
Hi Evie if that’s the case then it’s deffibately bullying, sometimes you need to let things go, it’s not easy I’ve been guilty of always trying to get my point across, but now I try letting it go, it’s easier...
How’s Evesham this morning ??
X"
You're not the first to say it.... I'll make it my 2019 new years resolution
Hope you are doing well x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I am going to stop referring to yesterday but as it was the driving force behind the thread I thought I'd best clarify some bits!
Noted and I thank you... thought we agreed yesterday we could put this being us. I am sorry mate x"
It is behind us. I've even apologised to the other poster for white knighting him lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"For it to be banter and not bullying, it is important that everyone involved in the banter is enjoying the interaction...
If everyone enjoys it, it’s banter. But if just one person finds it upsetting, and you continue, it becomes bullying.
If a person reacts negatively to something you have said, don’t try to change their mind or justify your words. Instead just make a mental note not to joke around about that topic with them in the future, as it’s obviously a touchy subject for them. "
It really shouldn't be that difficult to be a decent, respectful adult. It's normally quite clear when someone isn't particularly enjoying the banter. Stop. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used.
And I apologised. Let's not get into it now please. I said sorry, I should PM him really. It's not that I didn't like the comment. I read it and there was no full stops so I read it as one sentence so I just commented what I commented with no intention of offending anyone... So apologise to him in private."
Can't he's blocked males.. you kniw who you are and I really am sorry! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"For it to be banter and not bullying, it is important that everyone involved in the banter is enjoying the interaction...
If everyone enjoys it, it’s banter. But if just one person finds it upsetting, and you continue, it becomes bullying.
If a person reacts negatively to something you have said, don’t try to change their mind or justify your words. Instead just make a mental note not to joke around about that topic with them in the future, as it’s obviously a touchy subject for them.
It really shouldn't be that difficult to be a decent, respectful adult. It's normally quite clear when someone isn't particularly enjoying the banter. Stop. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The problem is to many fools think that they can say what ever they want. Someone asks something and then people who have nothing to say about the question post rubbish.
Someone asked the question where can I get cheap panties.
Someone answers I don't like the word panties. Or I want to get into your panties.
Then they complain about the person complaining about their answers.
By saying we're only joking.
But why did they answer when it was nothing to do with them if they couldn't tell the person where to buy cheap panties.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. "
Banter is back and forth like a tennis game that never truly ends, bullying is a one-sided chatter. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The problem is to many fools think that they can say what ever they want. Someone asks something and then people who have nothing to say about the question post rubbish.
Someone asked the question where can I get cheap panties.
Someone answers I don't like the word panties. Or I want to get into your panties.
Then they complain about the person complaining about their answers.
By saying we're only joking.
But why did they answer when it was nothing to do with them if they couldn't tell the person where to buy cheap panties.
"
Jeez Louise , you've been wanting to get that hot mess of your chest for a while.
Getting irate and calling people fools when the world is rife with search engines all because a few nonsensical answers were not to your liking.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. "
you were a third party and were threatening guys on the basis of messages sent to a woman you know so you end up being thought of in the same vein, many men in their naivety regard this site as a sex site and treat it as such, their user name is sexual, their profile pic is an erect cock and what little write up they have says they want sex, therefore the messages they send regard the woman at the end of the message as a sex object, these men get nowhere mostly and are really very basic human beings with no manners the type you see on the train everyday with a tesco bag full with cans of beer pissed out their brains not caring who they upset. if you want to succeed here you have to be mannerable and thoughtful at all times and you're only as good as your last message, be nice show your personality and you will get so much more out of this meeting place. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Bullying and bullies are just shithouses no matter what the age or gender. Generally do it with a crowd but front them, especially when they’re on their own and they’ll shit themselves.
Banter can be a form, really depends on the interaction between all parties
Absolutely despise bullies |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"The problem is to many fools think that they can say what ever they want. Someone asks something and then people who have nothing to say about the question post rubbish.
Someone asked the question where can I get cheap panties.
Someone answers I don't like the word panties. Or I want to get into your panties.
Then they complain about the person complaining about their answers.
By saying we're only joking.
But why did they answer when it was nothing to do with them if they couldn't tell the person where to buy cheap panties.
"
That's forums for you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The problem is to many fools think that they can say what ever they want. Someone asks something and then people who have nothing to say about the question post rubbish.
Someone asked the question where can I get cheap panties.
Someone answers I don't like the word panties. Or I want to get into your panties.
Then they complain about the person complaining about their answers.
By saying we're only joking.
But why did they answer when it was nothing to do with them if they couldn't tell the person where to buy cheap panties.
Jeez Louise , you've been wanting to get that hot mess of your chest for a while.
Getting irate and calling people fools when the world is rife with search engines all because a few nonsensical answers were not to your liking. "
if you read what I said , someone asked the question.
The fact is if someone asked for help finding something. They don't need fools answering their questions with something nothing to do with the question.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Bullying and bullies are just shithouses no matter what the age or gender. Generally do it with a crowd but front them, especially when they’re on their own and they’ll shit themselves.
Banter can be a form, really depends on the interaction between all parties
Absolutely despise bullies"
My hero xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. you were a third party and were threatening guys on the basis of messages sent to a woman you know so you end up being thought of in the same vein, many men in their naivety regard this site as a sex site and treat it as such, their user name is sexual, their profile pic is an erect cock and what little write up they have says they want sex, therefore the messages they send regard the woman at the end of the message as a sex object, these men get nowhere mostly and are really very basic human beings with no manners the type you see on the train everyday with a tesco bag full with cans of beer pissed out their brains not caring who they upset. if you want to succeed here you have to be mannerable and thoughtful at all times and you're only as good as your last message, be nice show your personality and you will get so much more out of this meeting place. "
No.. I was ranting about 'abusive' messages nothing to do with a fab message. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Bullying and bullies are just shithouses no matter what the age or gender. Generally do it with a crowd but front them, especially when they’re on their own and they’ll shit themselves.
Banter can be a form, really depends on the interaction between all parties
Absolutely despise bulliesMy hero xx"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. you were a third party and were threatening guys on the basis of messages sent to a woman you know so you end up being thought of in the same vein, many men in their naivety regard this site as a sex site and treat it as such, their user name is sexual, their profile pic is an erect cock and what little write up they have says they want sex, therefore the messages they send regard the woman at the end of the message as a sex object, these men get nowhere mostly and are really very basic human beings with no manners the type you see on the train everyday with a tesco bag full with cans of beer pissed out their brains not caring who they upset. if you want to succeed here you have to be mannerable and thoughtful at all times and you're only as good as your last message, be nice show your personality and you will get so much more out of this meeting place.
No.. I was ranting about 'abusive' messages nothing to do with a fab message. "
I know I read that initial post but you were threatening unfortunately whether you meant to be or not so therefore you would be seen in the same light as the guys you were targeting don't you think? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The problem is to many fools think that they can say what ever they want. Someone asks something and then people who have nothing to say about the question post rubbish.
Someone asked the question where can I get cheap panties.
Someone answers I don't like the word panties. Or I want to get into your panties.
Then they complain about the person complaining about their answers.
By saying we're only joking.
But why did they answer when it was nothing to do with them if they couldn't tell the person where to buy cheap panties.
Jeez Louise , you've been wanting to get that hot mess of your chest for a while.
Getting irate and calling people fools when the world is rife with search engines all because a few nonsensical answers were not to your liking. if you read what I said , someone asked the question.
The fact is if someone asked for help finding something. They don't need fools answering their questions with something nothing to do with the question.
"
You liked one direction didn't? 
Out of all the answers which most would have given I'm sure most were what the OP wanted. If all post were answered in a none foolish manner this place will be duller than a silent disco with one headphone. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. you were a third party and were threatening guys on the basis of messages sent to a woman you know so you end up being thought of in the same vein, many men in their naivety regard this site as a sex site and treat it as such, their user name is sexual, their profile pic is an erect cock and what little write up they have says they want sex, therefore the messages they send regard the woman at the end of the message as a sex object, these men get nowhere mostly and are really very basic human beings with no manners the type you see on the train everyday with a tesco bag full with cans of beer pissed out their brains not caring who they upset. if you want to succeed here you have to be mannerable and thoughtful at all times and you're only as good as your last message, be nice show your personality and you will get so much more out of this meeting place.
No.. I was ranting about 'abusive' messages nothing to do with a fab message. I know I read that initial post but you were threatening unfortunately whether you meant to be or not so therefore you would be seen in the same light as the guys you were targeting don't you think? "
Yeah I was threatening!! To right I was. Sending messages like that to a woman in her mid 20s is discusting! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. "
I think the difference between bullying and banter is if your laughing at them or with them x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. you were a third party and were threatening guys on the basis of messages sent to a woman you know so you end up being thought of in the same vein, many men in their naivety regard this site as a sex site and treat it as such, their user name is sexual, their profile pic is an erect cock and what little write up they have says they want sex, therefore the messages they send regard the woman at the end of the message as a sex object, these men get nowhere mostly and are really very basic human beings with no manners the type you see on the train everyday with a tesco bag full with cans of beer pissed out their brains not caring who they upset. if you want to succeed here you have to be mannerable and thoughtful at all times and you're only as good as your last message, be nice show your personality and you will get so much more out of this meeting place.
No.. I was ranting about 'abusive' messages nothing to do with a fab message. I know I read that initial post but you were threatening unfortunately whether you meant to be or not so therefore you would be seen in the same light as the guys you were targeting don't you think?
Yeah I was threatening!! To right I was. Sending messages like that to a woman in her mid 20s is discusting! "
disgusting |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. you were a third party and were threatening guys on the basis of messages sent to a woman you know so you end up being thought of in the same vein, many men in their naivety regard this site as a sex site and treat it as such, their user name is sexual, their profile pic is an erect cock and what little write up they have says they want sex, therefore the messages they send regard the woman at the end of the message as a sex object, these men get nowhere mostly and are really very basic human beings with no manners the type you see on the train everyday with a tesco bag full with cans of beer pissed out their brains not caring who they upset. if you want to succeed here you have to be mannerable and thoughtful at all times and you're only as good as your last message, be nice show your personality and you will get so much more out of this meeting place.
No.. I was ranting about 'abusive' messages nothing to do with a fab message. I know I read that initial post but you were threatening unfortunately whether you meant to be or not so therefore you would be seen in the same light as the guys you were targeting don't you think?
Yeah I was threatening!! To right I was. Sending messages like that to a woman in her mid 20s is discusting! "
I agree it is disgusting but threatening is also not good, we all know why these messages exist and their are a few hopefully a very few that overstep the boundaries of human decency but their is a complaints procedure in place so report and block. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Quite often I find the ones most vocal about bullying are the most hypocritical! I guess it’s s form of projection.
I know of one guy who used to send the most abusive of messages to women that met others ahead of him or dared to display a new veri, or didn’t answer his messages instantly. Yet he was always on here preaching about what a nice respectful chap he was.
Thankfully he’s now UNLOSed but it’s all about the actions - words are easy aren’t they but actions speak louder than words.
It’s often a simple test : if you wouldn’t like to be on the receiving end of a message that you’re typing, don’t send it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Naaa totally different bullying is consitant intentional targeting of someone banter depends on humour it has the power to upset but the intent is not there i like to have a laugh and have no filter so sometimes folks get upset but very very very rarelly do i use jokes to upset folks maybe wind them up a little bit but if they bitd thats on them |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Naaa totally different bullying is consitant intentional targeting of someone banter depends on humour it has the power to upset but the intent is not there i like to have a laugh and have no filter so sometimes folks get upset but very very very rarelly do i use jokes to upset folks maybe wind them up a little bit but if they bitd thats on them "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy "
nikki the voice of reason |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. "
It's knowing when to stop, and not in couraging gang mentally that's when Banter become bulling, and I hate that word Banter. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"Naaa totally different bullying is consitant intentional targeting of someone banter depends on humour it has the power to upset but the intent is not there i like to have a laugh and have no filter so sometimes folks get upset but very very very rarelly do i use jokes to upset folks maybe wind them up a little bit but if they bitd thats on them "
That’s total cock. If you intentionally “wind someone up” that’s entirely on you. That sort of reasoning is what has people say “it was your fault I said something nasty”. If you’re going to use words as a weapon then at least have the courage to accept responsibility for the result.
V x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A bully can only succeed if you are intimidated by them, banter is just words banded about from person to person, humour is banter, advice is banter, white knighting which is another of the common phrases used here is used to achieve favour. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Naaa totally different bullying is consitant intentional targeting of someone banter depends on humour it has the power to upset but the intent is not there i like to have a laugh and have no filter so sometimes folks get upset but very very very rarelly do i use jokes to upset folks maybe wind them up a little bit but if they bitd thats on them
That’s total cock. If you intentionally “wind someone up” that’s entirely on you. That sort of reasoning is what has people say “it was your fault I said something nasty”. If you’re going to use words as a weapon then at least have the courage to accept responsibility for the result.
V x "
No I totally disagree words can quite often be misinterpreted and statements can be ambiguous if you read something with a negative bias then your understanding of what's said is negative, don't you think? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Naaa totally different bullying is consitant intentional targeting of someone banter depends on humour it has the power to upset but the intent is not there i like to have a laugh and have no filter so sometimes folks get upset but very very very rarelly do i use jokes to upset folks maybe wind them up a little bit but if they bitd thats on them
That’s total cock. If you intentionally “wind someone up” that’s entirely on you. That sort of reasoning is what has people say “it was your fault I said something nasty”. If you’re going to use words as a weapon then at least have the courage to accept responsibility for the result.
V x "
woah woah theres a diference between a wind up and saying nasty things and if say i was to wind someone intentionallt its on me to be prepared for whatever reaction they have and take it
So if they get defencive then and blast off at the hip then it has to be water off a ducks back or you had no business winding folk up you must be able to take it if your gonna dish it out mentallity
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There's bullying and then there's saying shit that might cause offence. Very different. I don't think I've seen bullying in the short time I've been Perusing the forums , but there's plenty that might cause offence to some. It's how subsequent posters then react to someone who may have taken offence that can change the tone from banter to bullying. We're all here for the banter and the vast majority I've seen on here are respectful |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate or aggressively dominate others. The behaviour is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict
Conflict occurs when one person perceives a threat to their self-worth because it violates deeply held values.
In my opinion banter becomes bullying or conflict inducing when it fits either of the above definitions. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I haven't read the whole thread, I assume by now that someone has mentioned the posters whose only line in "banter" is just a defence for being misogynistic? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used.
And I apologised. Let's not get into it now please. I said sorry, I should PM him really. It's not that I didn't like the comment. I read it and there was no full stops so I read it as one sentence so I just commented what I commented with no intention of offending anyone... "
Or just maybe everybody should stop getting offended about everything. Everybody is always offended, and if they aren't they are offended on somebody else's behalf. Most eras are remembered for something, free love in the 60s, hippies in the 70s, etc. The 2010s will be remembered as the decade everybody was always offended. It's like nobody has ever grown up emotionally. In real life people will say things you don't like, rarely is it personal and never does it matter, but people spend days being offended about the tiniest thing.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"Naaa totally different bullying is consitant intentional targeting of someone banter depends on humour it has the power to upset but the intent is not there i like to have a laugh and have no filter so sometimes folks get upset but very very very rarelly do i use jokes to upset folks maybe wind them up a little bit but if they bitd thats on them
That’s total cock. If you intentionally “wind someone up” that’s entirely on you. That sort of reasoning is what has people say “it was your fault I said something nasty”. If you’re going to use words as a weapon then at least have the courage to accept responsibility for the result.
V x No I totally disagree words can quite often be misinterpreted and statements can be ambiguous if you read something with a negative bias then your understanding of what's said is negative, don't you think? "
No. I don’t think. Yes words can be misinterpreted which is why I’ll bring you back to the “mum test”. If your mum were to read them and disapprove then you have it wrong. It is the responsibility of the author to “play nicely” and it is perfectly possible to put across a point of view, even a disagreeable or argumentative one, without causing offence.
If offence is caused unintentionally then it’s essy to apologise for that.
Now, there are always the people that will intentionally cause angst or those that will fly off the handle at anything. The keyboard gives a certain courage that, in reality, doesn’t exist. For those I believe there is little reasoning, and I’m probably as guilty as anyone at treating those posts with contempt.
V x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used.
And I apologised. Let's not get into it now please. I said sorry, I should PM him really. It's not that I didn't like the comment. I read it and there was no full stops so I read it as one sentence so I just commented what I commented with no intention of offending anyone...
Or just maybe everybody should stop getting offended about everything. Everybody is always offended, and if they aren't they are offended on somebody else's behalf. Most eras are remembered for something, free love in the 60s, hippies in the 70s, etc. The 2010s will be remembered as the decade everybody was always offended. It's like nobody has ever grown up emotionally. In real life people will say things you don't like, rarely is it personal and never does it matter, but people spend days being offended about the tiniest thing.
"
I take offence
V x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used.
And I apologised. Let's not get into it now please. I said sorry, I should PM him really. It's not that I didn't like the comment. I read it and there was no full stops so I read it as one sentence so I just commented what I commented with no intention of offending anyone...
Or just maybe everybody should stop getting offended about everything. Everybody is always offended, and if they aren't they are offended on somebody else's behalf. Most eras are remembered for something, free love in the 60s, hippies in the 70s, etc. The 2010s will be remembered as the decade everybody was always offended. It's like nobody has ever grown up emotionally. In real life people will say things you don't like, rarely is it personal and never does it matter, but people spend days being offended about the tiniest thing.
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Naaa totally different bullying is consitant intentional targeting of someone banter depends on humour it has the power to upset but the intent is not there i like to have a laugh and have no filter so sometimes folks get upset but very very very rarelly do i use jokes to upset folks maybe wind them up a little bit but if they bitd thats on them
That’s total cock. If you intentionally “wind someone up” that’s entirely on you. That sort of reasoning is what has people say “it was your fault I said something nasty”. If you’re going to use words as a weapon then at least have the courage to accept responsibility for the result.
V x No I totally disagree words can quite often be misinterpreted and statements can be ambiguous if you read something with a negative bias then your understanding of what's said is negative, don't you think?
No. I don’t think. Yes words can be misinterpreted which is why I’ll bring you back to the “mum test”. If your mum were to read them and disapprove then you have it wrong. It is the responsibility of the author to “play nicely” and it is perfectly possible to put across a point of view, even a disagreeable or argumentative one, without causing offence.
If offence is caused unintentionally then it’s essy to apologise for that.
Now, there are always the people that will intentionally cause angst or those that will fly off the handle at anything. The keyboard gives a certain courage that, in reality, doesn’t exist. For those I believe there is little reasoning, and I’m probably as guilty as anyone at treating those posts with contempt.
V x "
I don't disagree with you on this but if you misinterpret something said that isn't the original posters fault and all to often the post gets read in that way and he's castigated for it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Huge difference between bullying and banter. However there are lots on here who dislike people having a different opinion on here as well. Some threads are irresponsible and or inflammatory and will attract peoples opinions to the contrary.
some threads are deliberately provocative and their MO is to wind people up and cause chaos.
There’s a fine line between banter and bullying at times, I agree that sometimes it’s easy to cry ‘bully’ when someone has a different opinion or challenges you to explain or justify something that you’ve said or done.
Having said that just because your mates down the pub are happy to called wankers and twats it doesn’t mean that the stranger on the Internet forum will take it in such good spirits so know your audience before engaging in bantz that could cause offence on here! "
Totally agree! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hate banter. It's very close to bullying in my opinion, is usually passive-aggressive, and shows a distinct lack of imagination or appreciation for others' feelings (particularly online, where there is no tone of voice or body language). I do however appreciate genuine wit, charm and humour, all rapidly diminishing qualities in the Internet age.
I agree. If I banter on here (or try too) It's never anything personal from what I've seen in a photo or anything. I'll never intentionally hurt anyones feelings and if I do I quickly take it back and apologise... I do care about peoples feelings.
But the example from yesterday was a personal dig at someone. The reason I pulled it up was because on the same day the poster you tried to bants with had posted about having difficulty with the written word.
The dig you had at them was nothing to do with the content of your thread or the comment that they had made, again.... To me that isn't bants. You didn't like the comment you were making so made a comment on their lack of punctuation. Ok you put a smile at the end but that doesn't excuse the words you used.
And I apologised. Let's not get into it now please. I said sorry, I should PM him really. It's not that I didn't like the comment. I read it and there was no full stops so I read it as one sentence so I just commented what I commented with no intention of offending anyone...
Or just maybe everybody should stop getting offended about everything. Everybody is always offended, and if they aren't they are offended on somebody else's behalf. Most eras are remembered for something, free love in the 60s, hippies in the 70s, etc. The 2010s will be remembered as the decade everybody was always offended. It's like nobody has ever grown up emotionally. In real life people will say things you don't like, rarely is it personal and never does it matter, but people spend days being offended about the tiniest thing.
I take offence
V x "
Well I would say I'm sorry but I'm not  do you plan to start a thread about it tomorrow to continue the offence, lol.
How on earth can there be threads about threads people are offended by and at the very worst it is somebody taking the piss out of punctuation. And that is really worth days of people's time? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"Huge difference between bullying and banter. However there are lots on here who dislike people having a different opinion on here as well. Some threads are irresponsible and or inflammatory and will attract peoples opinions to the contrary.
some threads are deliberately provocative and their MO is to wind people up and cause chaos.
There’s a fine line between banter and bullying at times, I agree that sometimes it’s easy to cry ‘bully’ when someone has a different opinion or challenges you to explain or justify something that you’ve said or done.
Having said that just because your mates down the pub are happy to called wankers and twats it doesn’t mean that the stranger on the Internet forum will take it in such good spirits so know your audience before engaging in bantz that could cause offence on here! "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I think when people get together behind the scenes and then bring it to the forums that’s unacceptable and happens. Is it bullying? I think of bullying as prolonged and targeted. I’ve been bullied and can sniff one out at twenty paces and there are certainly some on here.
As for banter, it can just be an excuse for insulting someone. If all parties get it then I suppose it’s fair enough. It still needs folk to use their common sense though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. "
Banter is great but I have noticed some unpleasant low-vibing people of both genders on here who seem to take utter delight in making others feel like shit. Shouldn't make anyone feel small to look big |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think when people get together behind the scenes and then bring it to the forums that’s unacceptable and happens. Is it bullying? I think of bullying as prolonged and targeted. I’ve been bullied and can sniff one out at twenty paces and there are certainly some on here.
As for banter, it can just be an excuse for insulting someone. If all parties get it then I suppose it’s fair enough. It still needs folk to use their common sense though. "
common and sense yes I get that |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I say whatever I like because I have nothing to lose.
Some people think I'm an argumentative twat and they'd be right.
If you think I'm a bully, so be it, it is your opinion.
Sometimes though, I say what people are thinking, but they won't say it in case it spoils their chance of a fuck.
I am never sexist, racist or homo/transphobic. However I reserve the right to think for myself and to express an opinion that others do not agree with. Freedom of expression is important after all. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I say whatever I like because I have nothing to lose.
Some people think I'm an argumentative twat and they'd be right.
If you think I'm a bully, so be it, it is your opinion.
Sometimes though, I say what people are thinking, but they won't say it in case it spoils their chance of a fuck.
I am never sexist, racist or homo/transphobic. However I reserve the right to think for myself and to express an opinion that others do not agree with. Freedom of expression is important after all."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Unfortunately I sometime think people like to push boundaries and push buttons to get a rise. Then other times people get carried away and then regret the escalation. Sometimes it is best to take a breath count to ten and see if you still want to push. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok so yeastetday I posted a thread that got a little out of hand...
It got me thinking though.
I hate bullies but I like to banter.
Does anyone think banter is bullying? If the people involved know that it's just for fun and not intended to hurt anyones feelings.
Also when does banter become bullying?
Footnote..
This has nothing to do with what anyone has said and not intended to upset or offend anyone. I'm not doing it to attract attention or to get laid. It's a genuine thought that I'd like to know your views on. I say this so the replies can be used for intelligent comments. you were a third party and were threatening guys on the basis of messages sent to a woman you know so you end up being thought of in the same vein, many men in their naivety regard this site as a sex site and treat it as such, their user name is sexual, their profile pic is an erect cock and what little write up they have says they want sex, therefore the messages they send regard the woman at the end of the message as a sex object, these men get nowhere mostly and are really very basic human beings with no manners the type you see on the train everyday with a tesco bag full with cans of beer pissed out their brains not caring who they upset. if you want to succeed here you have to be mannerable and thoughtful at all times and you're only as good as your last message, be nice show your personality and you will get so much more out of this meeting place.
No.. I was ranting about 'abusive' messages nothing to do with a fab message. I know I read that initial post but you were threatening unfortunately whether you meant to be or not so therefore you would be seen in the same light as the guys you were targeting don't you think?
Yeah I was threatening!! To right I was. Sending messages like that to a woman in her mid 20s is discusting! disgusting"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
In my opinion, if you know someone and they will get and appreciate the joke then that's all good. If you don't know them and you have to defend what you said then you got it wrong.
Using the cover explanation of 'it was just banter' is the hiding place of the bigot and the offensive.
The simple rule in all online communication should simply be "Don't be a dick". Many people would do well to follow it
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In my opinion, if you know someone and they will get and appreciate the joke then that's all good. If you don't know them and you have to defend what you said then you got it wrong.
Using the cover explanation of 'it was just banter' is the hiding place of the bigot and the offensive.
The simple rule in all online communication should simply be "Don't be a dick". Many people would do well to follow it
"
Ha yes they would |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think you've got to know your audience. I'd say things to friends that I wouldn't say to strangers, because I don't know their boundaries. "
Exactly this . I always say that. Know your audience. If I said what I really think on here I wouldn’t last a minute! I don’t really take offence at anything and I’m not very PC at all. I have friends I can send and say anything to but I also have some I have to be more careful what I say and send. I see some posts in here and Facebook and I think omg you’re just asking for trouble! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I enjoy light hearted banter and my intentions are always on the humorous side rather than being nasty or having a go. I mostly talk to myself in forums just thinking out loud kind of thing. I can also be very sarccy and people don't really understand the tone.
"Banter can be difficult online/ text etc as there is no tone to what you’re saying so can easily be taken the wrong way.
At my workplace there is a “no banter” rule as too many people took it offensively... what has the world come too?! "
^ Seriously ^
A "no banter" rule...
I would not work in a place like that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I enjoy light hearted banter and my intentions are always on the humorous side rather than being nasty or having a go. I mostly talk to myself in forums just thinking out loud kind of thing. I can also be very sarccy and people don't really understand the tone.
Banter can be difficult online/ text etc as there is no tone to what you’re saying so can easily be taken the wrong way.
At my workplace there is a “no banter” rule as too many people took it offensively... what has the world come too?!
^ Seriously ^
A "no banter" rule...
I would not work in a place like that."
I worked for a guy recently who actually said to me he preferred guys who didn't speak and he highlighted a guy who walked around with his ear plugs in listening to music |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy "
Could not agree more. It's like a bloody disease. Problem is all the poor snowflakes are raised to believe everybody has to be nice all the time even if it isn't right or justified, they ask for an honest opinion but just want their egos massaged, all caused by current schooling and snowflake parenting, it's a bloody mess, just wait until they are old enough to run the country. Although I don't suppose it could be that much more of a disaster. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For it to be banter and not bullying, it is important that everyone involved in the banter is enjoying the interaction. If someone is laughing at remarks made about them, they are probably not finding it offensive (but keep in mind that even when people are laughing they can be hiding their hurt).
If everyone enjoys it, it’s banter. But if just one person finds it upsetting, and you continue, it becomes bullying.
If a person reacts negatively to something you have said, don’t try to change their mind or justify your words. Instead just make a mental note not to joke around about that topic with them in the future, as it’s obviously a touchy subject for them. That doesn’t mean you need to stop that kind of banter altogether, but you should stop it while you’re around that person because you know it will upset them. (It would be a good idea to ask your other friends how they feel about it too. It might be others were offended too.)
Similarly if people are constantly teased about certain characteristics (their new glasses) or experiences (that time they stepped in dog poo), even in a joking way, they may feel that they are being bullied even if that was never the intent.
"
I think this is really well put.
Even those that would be mortified of being accused of purposefully digging at others on here (bantz and just questions, yeah?!) are guilty, however much they preach. I’ve seen the posters that bang on about how kind they are, be shitty, as well as the usual culprits.
Me included.
Everyone would do well to think how the other person feels rather than defending their butthurt sometimes. Or realise that intentionally or not, you simply never know if you’ve come across well, being open to hearing hard stuff is important - whether you agree with it or not does not invalidate how it felt for the other person. What’s most important; listening, compassion and respect when someone says stop - or being right and your public perception being just how you want it? Our egos will be hurt when hearing that sometimes we’ve come across as an arsehole, but if you opt for the latter, it’s probably worth realising that you’re likely someone who bantz in a way that diminishes others. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The banter in the army goes way beyond what would deem as acceptable in any other workplace, but it's perfectly fine among us. Just have to remember to switch it off when in the company of non military types! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I enjoy light hearted banter and my intentions are always on the humorous side rather than being nasty or having a go. I mostly talk to myself in forums just thinking out loud kind of thing. I can also be very sarccy and people don't really understand the tone.
Banter can be difficult online/ text etc as there is no tone to what you’re saying so can easily be taken the wrong way.
At my workplace there is a “no banter” rule as too many people took it offensively... what has the world come too?!
^ Seriously ^
A "no banter" rule...
I would not work in a place like that.I worked for a guy recently who actually said to me he preferred guys who didn't speak and he highlighted a guy who walked around with his ear plugs in listening to music "
I love my music and understand all that silence is golden malarkey, but I speak when I want to. As long as the job gets done to the standard required I don't see any issue with banter at the workplace.
I have had people working for me and I always encouraged open communication. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy
Could not agree more. It's like a bloody disease. Problem is all the poor snowflakes are raised to believe everybody has to be nice all the time even if it isn't right or justified, they ask for an honest opinion but just want their egos massaged, all caused by current schooling and snowflake parenting, it's a bloody mess, just wait until they are old enough to run the country. Although I don't suppose it could be that much more of a disaster. "
Personally I think the term 'snowflake' is dismissive BS used as a term to belittle people who legitimately have an issue with the offensive tripe that some people peddle. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The banter in the army goes way beyond what would deem as acceptable in any other workplace, but it's perfectly fine among us. Just have to remember to switch it off when in the company of non military types! "
I used to live with 3 marines and you have to have a thick skin and know how to take a joke and get pranked. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy
Could not agree more. It's like a bloody disease. Problem is all the poor snowflakes are raised to believe everybody has to be nice all the time even if it isn't right or justified, they ask for an honest opinion but just want their egos massaged, all caused by current schooling and snowflake parenting, it's a bloody mess, just wait until they are old enough to run the country. Although I don't suppose it could be that much more of a disaster.
Personally I think the term 'snowflake' is dismissive BS used as a term to belittle people who legitimately have an issue with the offensive tripe that some people peddle. "
Shush snowflake |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I enjoy light hearted banter and my intentions are always on the humorous side rather than being nasty or having a go. I mostly talk to myself in forums just thinking out loud kind of thing. I can also be very sarccy and people don't really understand the tone.
Banter can be difficult online/ text etc as there is no tone to what you’re saying so can easily be taken the wrong way.
At my workplace there is a “no banter” rule as too many people took it offensively... what has the world come too?!
^ Seriously ^
A "no banter" rule...
I would not work in a place like that.I worked for a guy recently who actually said to me he preferred guys who didn't speak and he highlighted a guy who walked around with his ear plugs in listening to music
I love my music and understand all that silence is golden malarkey, but I speak when I want to. As long as the job gets done to the standard required I don't see any issue with banter at the workplace.
I have had people working for me and I always encouraged open communication."
exactly you've got to develop a team that involves talking to each other |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy
Could not agree more. It's like a bloody disease. Problem is all the poor snowflakes are raised to believe everybody has to be nice all the time even if it isn't right or justified, they ask for an honest opinion but just want their egos massaged, all caused by current schooling and snowflake parenting, it's a bloody mess, just wait until they are old enough to run the country. Although I don't suppose it could be that much more of a disaster.
Personally I think the term 'snowflake' is dismissive BS used as a term to belittle people who legitimately have an issue with the offensive tripe that some people peddle. Shush snowflake "
Predictable! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy
Could not agree more. It's like a bloody disease. Problem is all the poor snowflakes are raised to believe everybody has to be nice all the time even if it isn't right or justified, they ask for an honest opinion but just want their egos massaged, all caused by current schooling and snowflake parenting, it's a bloody mess, just wait until they are old enough to run the country. Although I don't suppose it could be that much more of a disaster.
Personally I think the term 'snowflake' is dismissive BS used as a term to belittle people who legitimately have an issue with the offensive tripe that some people peddle. Shush snowflake
Predictable! "
We need a fishing emoji for this site. Please admin |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Oh this is all very interesting! I recently had thejoy of pulling up a certain die hard Brexiteer on his opinions and statements of fact which was all quite ok as it was on the politics forum which is a bit roughnecked at times. I then had the male half of a couple who had tried to belittle me in another discussion pop up on the thread and proceed to call me fab straight and a weirdo along with some lame attempts at accusing me of being rubbish at football and spending too much time in the club showers. It was almost amusing to start off with but degenerated rapidly and I was left feeling that this man was essentially a homophobic bully. It didnt hurt me but it was disappointing and made me question my own motivation for being on fab. Personally I think its a bit ridiculous of this person to be on fab and to then attack using sexuality as a weapon because thats not what fab is about imho but maybe he has problems? Ah well nobody died!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"Oh this is all very interesting! I recently had thejoy of pulling up a certain die hard Brexiteer on his opinions and statements of fact which was all quite ok as it was on the politics forum which is a bit roughnecked at times. I then had the male half of a couple who had tried to belittle me in another discussion pop up on the thread and proceed to call me fab straight and a weirdo along with some lame attempts at accusing me of being rubbish at football and spending too much time in the club showers. It was almost amusing to start off with but degenerated rapidly and I was left feeling that this man was essentially a homophobic bully. It didnt hurt me but it was disappointing and made me question my own motivation for being on fab. Personally I think its a bit ridiculous of this person to be on fab and to then attack using sexuality as a weapon because thats not what fab is about imho but maybe he has problems? Ah well nobody died! "
Isn’t that exactly the issue though? If you wrap up vitriol, malice and vehemence in the “banter” wrapper and then say it’s the reader’s problem for feeling hurt because offence was taken where none was intended “it’s bantah innit”? you do not absolve yourself of responsibility.
V x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There seems to be a lot of people on here taking on the 2018 trend of being offended. They then Think because THEY are offended then they are correct.
I had a nasty rude message and I told him to f.o he reported me!!!
People should grow some skin and just get on with stuff. Don't like a message in a post then press back and don't come in again .easy
Could not agree more. It's like a bloody disease. Problem is all the poor snowflakes are raised to believe everybody has to be nice all the time even if it isn't right or justified, they ask for an honest opinion but just want their egos massaged, all caused by current schooling and snowflake parenting, it's a bloody mess, just wait until they are old enough to run the country. Although I don't suppose it could be that much more of a disaster.
Personally I think the term 'snowflake' is dismissive BS used as a term to belittle people who legitimately have an issue with the offensive tripe that some people peddle. "
Agreed. Along with man up it's a term I fucking hate. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bullying is defined by intent and how the recipient feels about it. If you intend or they feel intimidated and uncomfortable then it's bullying. "
bullying surely is a regular occurrence not a one off
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The banter in the army goes way beyond what would deem as acceptable in any other workplace, but it's perfectly fine among us. Just have to remember to switch it off when in the company of non military types!
I used to live with 3 marines and you have to have a thick skin and know how to take a joke and get pranked. "
Them and paras are the worst! They'll think nothing of pissing in someone's pocket while stood at a bar |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bullying is defined by intent and how the recipient feels about it. If you intend or they feel intimidated and uncomfortable then it's bullying. bullying surely is a regular occurrence not a one off "
No, it's still bullying. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You'll always have ppl who will say that it was 'only' banter and ppl that will easily accuse you of being a bully.
I think we need them both to get an equilibrium or the world will collapse into a fairy tale that tales the story of Patrick and Kristy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
