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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t. "
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm usually able to put things bad out of my mind with a mental technique I was taught years ago. Failing that, I can dream up scenarios of revenge, violence etc depending on the cause of my hatred. When it comes to people, I've never really hated anyone but if I did, they'd no longer be an important part of my life and I would just ignore them and have no contact. |
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Speaking from experience, as I knew my ex for 30years and she did some horrible things to split from me. It comes out in the wash that she found an old b/f on Facebook and wants him. So the break was a ruse to get out of that relationship with me.
I have been through the 'hate' stage. All you do is end up giving them more of your time and energy. It really will eat you from the inside and your personality will change.
Not easy, but try let it go. |
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? "
Christ she sounds horrendous.
The best thing to do is to cut them out of your life as far as possible and surround yourself with positive people.
Karma is a bitch and she’ll get her’s eventually...  |
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Unfortunately you can't. It's complicated. However what happens here is that people with empathy are screwed over by people who are arseholes, and it's these good people that feel bad about themselves for hating the arseholes. Don't feel bad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's horrible what they said and you are a real women . I can see why don't want a relationship with them. Hate will eat away at you but you have to let it go.
You can't change what happened in the past but you don't need to live there either.
You are a strong real woman xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred?
Christ she sounds horrendous.
The best thing to do is to cut them out of your life as far as possible and surround yourself with positive people.
Karma is a bitch and she’ll get her’s eventually... "
She is - they both are. They’ve been awful, the worst type of people imaginable...I cannot even go into everything he has done to me. Yet I tried my hardest to forgive and move on, and he just kept pushing and hating and abusing, and so did she when she and onto the scene.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? "
you don't waste anymore of your energy thinking of them.
Hate is a strong word so if you feel that bad towards someone..why give them any thought? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also choose to have no interaction with my brother and sister in law, with extremely good reason .
I don't hate them though, as that's a huge waste of my energy. It took a while, to feel that way.
Hating them still gives them power. Don't allow their word or actions to influence you in any way, keep reminding yourself daily if need be, and eventually you will begin to realise just how unimportant they are , and how little you care about them . |
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred?
Christ she sounds horrendous.
The best thing to do is to cut them out of your life as far as possible and surround yourself with positive people.
Karma is a bitch and she’ll get her’s eventually...
She is - they both are. They’ve been awful, the worst type of people imaginable...I cannot even go into everything he has done to me. Yet I tried my hardest to forgive and move on, and he just kept pushing and hating and abusing, and so did she when she and onto the scene. "
Just try not to dwell on it, and move beyond it. I know that’s probably easier said than done.
In the end the only person that will be damaged by holding onto hate is you, and she/they simply aren't worth it xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking from experience you will in time just let it go and realise they are not worth the time that you give them or unfortunately you will carry that hatred to the grave |
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I’m a grudge holder. Fortunately I haven’t fallen out with family.
My advice. Continue to avoid them. I presume they know how much their behaviour continues to upset you and I suspect they use this to carry on to get their kicks. They may be family but you don’t need people like that around.
Hate... it can turn into apathy. Let that happen. Don’t let hate eat away at you.
Lots of love QL x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If u find out let me know iv heald 1 grudge 23 years
I honestly think I’ll be going that way. I just don’t have the fight in me to keep hating "
i think it helps the less u see them i only hate him when i see him |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
I'm not sure really, I don't hold grudge as such but wouldn't hesitate to cut someone poisonous out of my life. I wouldn't give them another thought though. They'd be happy to know you were so strongly affected, so try to forget them and comfort yourself knowing that it must be a shit life being that much of a cunt. |
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Cut them out of your life as best you can, and maybe think of it this way let go of the hate and just pity them, compare your relationship to theres and know when the time is right and you do have a child you will have much more to offer and teach them. Sad thing is in a family like theirs, their child is bound to learn nastiness and bitterness from them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have good reason to dislike them, all you can do is keep your distance as much as you can and eventually they will drift to the back of your mind but it will never go like everyone says. Look for the good in yourself rather than the bad in others and remember you're better than them and you'll be fine xx |
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I'm in a similar boat to you op, in that I haven't spoken to my sister in law for 8 years when she literally tore my family apart at my 40th birthday.
I keep in touch with my brother at birthdays and Christmas, but only short social media messages.
I'm more sorry for my kids and their cousin not meeting 
But to answer your question, or not, I find it quite easy to forget, and out of sight, out of mind has worked well for us
Fortunately there's no contact and they live the other side of the country, so never the twain shall meet 
Absence certainly does not make the heart grow fonder in this case  |
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I hate certain people that done me wrong in the past . Whenever I do, I think of them being hurt or in trouble . To give me a little boost .
after a few years he’s got his comeuppance so I have the last laugh .
He told mutual friends lies about me and now they know the truth .
I’m content and his life is shit
Karma  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for advice everyone - it doesn’t help that we also cut off his parents too, (for again, awful reasons and as a last result) but his grandad died a year ago and his gran moved in with his parents. She hasn’t done anything wrong, so we’ve been the bigger people and gotten back into contact with them. It’s been easy enough, it just doesn’t get spoken of. But they adore his brother (he’s the favourite) and I can tell they’re bursting to talk about him, but know not to cross that line.
We all live close together - his parents live two doors away from my parents, his brother works in the local shop, his dad is a bus driver who I see pretty much everyday etc. So even though we may not talk, I see them often (not through choice).
We have his brother and his wife blocked on Facebook, Twitter, insta etc, and their numbers blocked. But new facebooks will be created, a different number will contact us etc. We never ever respond - just block and delete. No making a fuss, no responding.
I just hate hating. It hurts my soul. I’m not going to forgive and forget - I just want to stop feeling so much hatred.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for advice everyone - it doesn’t help that we also cut off his parents too, (for again, awful reasons and as a last result) but his grandad died a year ago and his gran moved in with his parents. She hasn’t done anything wrong, so we’ve been the bigger people and gotten back into contact with them. It’s been easy enough, it just doesn’t get spoken of. But they adore his brother (he’s the favourite) and I can tell they’re bursting to talk about him, but know not to cross that line.
We all live close together - his parents live two doors away from my parents, his brother works in the local shop, his dad is a bus driver who I see pretty much everyday etc. So even though we may not talk, I see them often (not through choice).
We have his brother and his wife blocked on Facebook, Twitter, insta etc, and their numbers blocked. But new facebooks will be created, a different number will contact us etc. We never ever respond - just block and delete. No making a fuss, no responding.
I just hate hating. It hurts my soul. I’m not going to forgive and forget - I just want to stop feeling so much hatred.
"
Hard when they are close by. They have the problem not you. You're stronger and bigger than this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hate only damages the hater never the hatee ... breathe through and not care that is the hardest because by hating you care. Could you live without social media? Change your numbers? Then it would stop the angst of them contacting you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no idea when I let go of my parents. I think it;s a bit like grief, I certainly went through denial (before I cut them off), anger afterwards, bargaining when I thought maybe we could reconnect on a level and definitely depression.
I'm not sure when I got to acceptance, but it was a while ago (although I still, increasingly briefly, revisit bargaining and depression) and my complete indifference to their existance has been a few years now. Letting go of what happened was probably key to reaching acceptance but quite a difficult thing to achieve |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? "
You honestly don't you learn to live with it but sadly it only ends up hurting you more than all that's happened before.
You can't change the past, holding onto negativity will only make you unhappy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just remember, someone who tries to make your life hell through deeply offensive insults like that probably has bigger issues than you do and they use abuse and insults to make themselves feel better about their insecurities and problems.
Whenever you get angry try to think about that, that's how I get through it. Hope that helps.
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Let yourself hate them. Go through in your mind all the reasons you hate them, write it down, in detail, in a letter or diary or whatever suits you best but it must be by hand. Get it out of your system and on to paper. Keep hold of the written document for a long as you need to them slowly, page by page set fire to it. As each page burns let the hate go. Sometimes physically watching your hatred go up in flames can help.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've also had to cut a few poisonous members out of our lives a few years back, I still see them around..sometimes get the middle finger from them, dirty looks.. the usual crap... these days it just makes me smile and whistle lol..actually feel sorry for them now as it's them that is full if hate. Don't let hate eat you up, I think it's been said but turn that hate to apathy if possible! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Let yourself hate them. Go through in your mind all the reasons you hate them, write it down, in detail, in a letter or diary or whatever suits you best but it must be by hand. Get it out of your system and on to paper. Keep hold of the written document for a long as you need to them slowly, page by page set fire to it. As each page burns let the hate go. Sometimes physically watching your hatred go up in flames can help.
"
Oh I will be trying that! Might buy a notebook just for the occasion |
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"Let yourself hate them. Go through in your mind all the reasons you hate them, write it down, in detail, in a letter or diary or whatever suits you best but it must be by hand. Get it out of your system and on to paper. Keep hold of the written document for a long as you need to them slowly, page by page set fire to it. As each page burns let the hate go. Sometimes physically watching your hatred go up in flames can help.
Oh I will be trying that! Might buy a notebook just for the occasion "
Do. Choose it well and carry it in your pocket for a few days. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Know you are better... I know we are not meant to think we are better than others... But sometimes we are! People that enjoy being shitty towards other people and hurting them, just for the fun of it are arseholes and I know you are better than that... And you deserve better! Also... They know it too! |
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You need to move from "hate" to "contempt". Being a spiritual person helps with this kind of thing a lot. I don't need to concern myself with revenge, punishment or retribution. I believe it's coming for them, just not from me. As John Cena said, you need to rise above hate. That's how I do it. Although he did often sick people in the mouth too and I think there's a time and place for that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? "
I can totes relate to this after going through similar with my witch of a sister outlaw.
Just rise above, push the hate out,like anger it is a wasted emotion that affects you more than them, and believe me, it is not worth your time.
I'm at a point where I'm indifferent to her, I actually find her comical because I've barely spoke to her in 7 years,yet she still has an opinion on me, and runs me down to whoever listens, my brother doesn't have a bar of it though, and she made herself look such a cunt at my Mum's funeral because she was slagging me off, I was told about it, and just laughed, what else could I do but let her crack on.
So pity it, don't hate it. It's not worth your energy hon. Focus on you and yours and what makes you happy
Much love to you, I hope you can find peace xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just remember, someone who tries to make your life hell through deeply offensive insults like that probably has bigger issues than you do and they use abuse and insults to make themselves feel better about their insecurities and problems.
Whenever you get angry try to think about that, that's how I get through it. Hope that helps.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You need to move from "hate" to "contempt". Being a spiritual person helps with this kind of thing a lot. I don't need to concern myself with revenge, punishment or retribution. I believe it's coming for them, just not from me. As John Cena said, you need to rise above hate. That's how I do it. Although he did often sick people in the mouth too and I think there's a time and place for that. "
I agree with this. Change the way you think of them. Contempt is much more appropriate.
OP - what do they say when they contact you on new fb/ new numbers? Are they immediately abusive? Sounds like jealousy on their behalf. Something very sad in their lives that they need to keep harassing you. Feel sorry for them. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just hate hating. It hurts my soul. I’m not going to forgive and forget - I just want to stop feeling so much hatred.
"
Wow OP. Thank you for sharing and being open about your experiences. I am going to read your thread properly next time I login and hopefully be able to contribute in a small way to help you on dealing with hate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? "
I wouldn’t recommend letting go of hate, use it as a driving force in everything you do. Hate is a very big motivator and will help you in many ways, although don’t let it consume you as it can have the adverse effect and turn into depression. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But you do have to let go op. How you do that, is up to you. Wether you try to stop caring, stop being interested in their lives or opinions might work for you.
Me - I understand that it’s their life they were acting out and not mine, and if I cut ties and stop anything they do from impacting mine, I don’t hate and infact, I just get on with things happily.
Hate leads to the dark side.
Accepting things as they are is a step forward.
*I’m not a councillor.
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I don’t know what it’s like to genuinely hate. I hope I don’t ever have a cause to.
Letting go, moving on has to be the way forward though. Harbouring ill will does more damage to you than to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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wow, this women sounds like a real piece of work, there are those that like to put others down, i believe in karma, it will have its day, i had an argument with my brother back in 1996, his wife is a vile women too, we’ve never spoken or seen each other since, my life is a lot better without their drama.
Distance yourself, avoid any contact with them, leave well alone and go out and enjoy your own life, ignore what you hear, people seem to spend a lot of time poking their noses into other people’s lives cause they can’t face the problems in their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for advice everyone - it doesn’t help that we also cut off his parents too, (for again, awful reasons and as a last result) but his grandad died a year ago and his gran moved in with his parents. She hasn’t done anything wrong, so we’ve been the bigger people and gotten back into contact with them. It’s been easy enough, it just doesn’t get spoken of. But they adore his brother (he’s the favourite) and I can tell they’re bursting to talk about him, but know not to cross that line.
We all live close together - his parents live two doors away from my parents, his brother works in the local shop, his dad is a bus driver who I see pretty much everyday etc. So even though we may not talk, I see them often (not through choice).
We have his brother and his wife blocked on Facebook, Twitter, insta etc, and their numbers blocked. But new facebooks will be created, a different number will contact us etc. We never ever respond - just block and delete. No making a fuss, no responding.
I just hate hating. It hurts my soul. I’m not going to forgive and forget - I just want to stop feeling so much hatred.
"
I've been in a similar situation. Takes time for the hatred to stop. Doesn't last forever. Five years later I don't think about them or have the anger anymore!
All the best sweetie x |
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"Let yourself hate them. Go through in your mind all the reasons you hate them, write it down, in detail, in a letter or diary or whatever suits you best but it must be by hand. Get it out of your system and on to paper. Keep hold of the written document for a long as you need to them slowly, page by page set fire to it. As each page burns let the hate go. Sometimes physically watching your hatred go up in flames can help.
"
That's a classic counselling technique but as bad as it sounds you need to forgive them too. That displaces the power they have over you in the process. The thing is doing this requires you to also work on strategies that remove yourselves from putting up with the crap if and when it arises.
With support of your other half, you can just say "that they want to grow up, and then walk..." he'll need to walk with you and accept your position on this. It will both reinforce your trust in them, know they are on your side, but above it will remove any perceived power they ***think*** they had over you.
Been there, done that and can sleep at night knowing that you are in charge of your thoughts, and hate isn't one of them.
Good luck OP xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just hate hating. It hurts my soul. I’m not going to forgive and forget - I just want to stop feeling so much hatred.
"
I find it difficult to forgive and forget over reletevely minor things compared to this extreme level. Not only that you can't completely ignore them or cut out from your life!
I am no expert, but I have researched these things in the past when people wronged me. What I found is forgiveness and hatred are linked. There has been some really good advice in here so some may overlap, but hopefully creating this thread has helped you.
Practise forgiveness:
The things that hurt you may always be with you, but forgiveness will set you free from the control of the people who caused you harm. Forgive not for them, but so you can regain control of your life and move on.
Holding grudges:
Has more health implications for you than them. They take up your energy and make your emotional state toxic.
Express yourself in writing:
One of the most effective ways to express and understand your feelings. This can help to take positive action to protect yourself in the future.
Be assertive:
Express yourself and defend your point of view while still respecting others.
Please note - the people that hurt you, even if their egos prevent them from admitting it they will feel remorse.
Quote:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
OP you're beautiful and strong!
I better get a wiggle on because I am behind schedule today.
Finally:
My personal favourite is laughter! Humour is healing and empowering.
All the best x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? "
I have a similar situation with my parents, I’ve had to cut them out of my life completely. I changed my number moved house and deleted/blocked them on all forms of social media.
It was hard to do at first but I don’t regret it all now, I still hate them for what they did but they will never apologise for it so I’ve moved on and got rid of them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im going to go slightly against the tide here.
I think sometimes actively avoiding and cutting people out of your life fuels the fire.
They are family so you will end up with some interaction or at the very least you will get updates about them from someone.
Accept that you cant avoid them completely, just let them at it, dont seek them out but if and when you do have to be around them juat know that tye calmer you are the more power you are taking back.
Dont waste your energy on them in anyway.
Always easier said than done of course but it will be a gradual process |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t.
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either "
So how do they tell you that you are not a real woman? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t.
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either
So how do they tell you that you are not a real woman?"
New Facebook pages. Which get blocked as soon as they message. It isn’t often, but it’s happened a few times |
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"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t.
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either
So how do they tell you that you are not a real woman?
New Facebook pages. Which get blocked as soon as they message. It isn’t often, but it’s happened a few times "
I quit facebook hun. It can be poisonous there. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t.
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either
So how do they tell you that you are not a real woman?
New Facebook pages. Which get blocked as soon as they message. It isn’t often, but it’s happened a few times
I quit facebook hun. It can be poisonous there. x"
I find the people to be poisonous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? "
you have no choice just file it in your brain and move on otherwise it will drain you of happiness |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This isn't me being all high and mighty, but how do people hate..? I have had some horrendous things thrown my way, but I don't hate anyone, surely they have won if you do..? |
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"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t.
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either
So how do they tell you that you are not a real woman?
New Facebook pages. Which get blocked as soon as they message. It isn’t often, but it’s happened a few times
I quit facebook hun. It can be poisonous there. x
I find the people to be poisonous "
Not all. It has taking me a while to let go of it and become less jaded... but it will come. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t.
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either
So how do they tell you that you are not a real woman?
New Facebook pages. Which get blocked as soon as they message. It isn’t often, but it’s happened a few times "
Yeah just saw from one of your next posts.
For me, if I disliked someone as much as you say you do these people then they are insignificant to me so it is easy to just let go. Why even think about them if you don't want them in your life , forget them and get on with yours |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t.
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either
So how do they tell you that you are not a real woman?
New Facebook pages. Which get blocked as soon as they message. It isn’t often, but it’s happened a few times
Yeah just saw from one of your next posts.
For me, if I disliked someone as much as you say you do these people then they are insignificant to me so it is easy to just let go. Why even think about them if you don't want them in your life , forget them and get on with yours "
This... |
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Closure is almost impossible but I have recently found that my hatred has eased greatly and doesn't keep me awake any more. I'm disappointed about losing this person still but no longer feel anything much when I see them. blocked on social media etc... I focused on my own life and made good things happen for me. I also realised their efforts to project their own happiness were as transparent to everyone else as they were to me.
your anger sounds like it has more to do with that they remind you of your own personal problems. Find your own joy and invest yourself in what makes you happy. |
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"You cannot let go of hatred it will eat away at you and destroy you.
Try to ignore them and what they are doing it will never end if you don’t.
Honestly I do. Blocked them on social media, I don’t speak to them and haven’t for way over a year and haven’t seen them either "
Try and remember that if they see your bothered by their behaviour..they will do it all the more..
Be the stronger person and smile and be happy around them..then they will wonder why your happy which in turn will bother them..
1 of my favourite sayings is..I'm better than no one and no one is better than me.
Stay strong for your own sanity  |
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"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? "
You've gotta let go of it,they're not in your life or circle as such so therefore they're irrelevant to you only care about the things the ones in your life say.....there's a 1000 people out there who would spout shit about me but I don't take it on as they're nothing to me,I always find a touch if jealousy and insecurity about themselves leads to people start to pick at others lives,and as for the children part,never give up trying friends of mine went through 4 years trying and 9 miscarriages before they were blessed,and don't ever let people make you believe your less of a woman just because its not happened for you yet.....being a good mum to a child wether they're biologically yours or not makes a woman....same applies to a man,chin up never give up and fuck the haters  |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"How do you let go of hate?
I absolutely detest my brother in law and his wife. And not without very very good reason - after all the trauma and abuse he put me and my husband through (and then woo, she joined in!), we still made an effort up until our wedding day. Haven’t spoken to them since (almost two years ago now).
I don’t want a relationship with them. I just don’t want to hate them anymore. I don’t want anything they do (she is having a baby, due on my husbands birthday, and has been very gloating about it to me - eg telling me I’m not a real woman because I miscarry) to hurt me anymore or have an affect on me. It drags me down and I don’t want to do it. It’s not as easy as ‘just letting go’ which is what my mumma tells me to do.
How do you let go of hatred? you don't waste anymore of your energy thinking of them.
Hate is a strong word so if you feel that bad towards someone..why give them any thought?"
I have found the best way is to feign indifference, eventually it replaces the hate & "Meh" is such a great put down to anything really.
Try to let it wash over you, look at what you are doing, your life etc. Dont be worrying/hating on others as it just niggled & affects you & yours & its just not worth it.
xx
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for advice everyone - it doesn’t help that we also cut off his parents too, (for again, awful reasons and as a last result) but his grandad died a year ago and his gran moved in with his parents. She hasn’t done anything wrong, so we’ve been the bigger people and gotten back into contact with them. It’s been easy enough, it just doesn’t get spoken of. But they adore his brother (he’s the favourite) and I can tell they’re bursting to talk about him, but know not to cross that line.
We all live close together - his parents live two doors away from my parents, his brother works in the local shop, his dad is a bus driver who I see pretty much everyday etc. So even though we may not talk, I see them often (not through choice).
We have his brother and his wife blocked on Facebook, Twitter, insta etc, and their numbers blocked. But new facebooks will be created, a different number will contact us etc. We never ever respond - just block and delete. No making a fuss, no responding.
I just hate hating. It hurts my soul. I’m not going to forgive and forget - I just want to stop feeling so much hatred.
"
While you hold onto the hurt then the hate will be there too.
There is no easy way to change our emotions, we can never switch them on and off that easily.
The hurt is from the past, so is the hate. Nothing lives there any more. It's gone....if not forgotten.
It's all to easy to say forget the past, yet hard to do. But if you find the way to put the past where it belongs then the hate may go too.
I wish you peace |
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"Try to wank over a song written by Jean Jacques Goldman
Thanks Papa Elf"
also....at the risk of being thirsty as fuck - your pics are amazingly womanly and having seen your posts a lot here recently you come across as being intelligent, fun and full of banter. Focus on loving yourself and your passions. Love is stronger than hate |
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