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Is Fab the place to be
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I joined a couple of years ago I was at an all time low...
I didn't think it would be the answer, but a place to try and help me gain some self esteem.... Just a nice lady fabbing a pic or saying you were a nice person made me smile.
That's still true of today, although I'm somewhere close to my absolute best (hence I post in the forums these days)... So for me... Its helped and alongside my personal work to get the old mush upstairs working properly I've enjoyed my time and will Co tinue doing so!  |
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No, I would say it's the last place people with low self-esteem should be.
They might get an ego boost initially, but they will soon learn casual sex can be a shallow, empty pursuit for many, and a lot end up feeling worse because they are not valued for their intrinsic human worth by many on a site like this, only their use for another's pleasure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it can go either way.
Your messages can get deleted all the time or get blocked after sending a face pic (happened so often!)
But then you may unexpectedly get messages of seriously hot women and the confidence sky rockets  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I would say it's the last place people with low self-esteem should be.
They might get an ego boost initially, but they will soon learn casual sex can be a shallow, empty pursuit for many, and a lot end up feeling worse because they are not valued for their intrinsic human worth by many on a site like this, only their use for another's pleasure."
Exactly 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I would say it's the last place people with low self-esteem should be.
They might get an ego boost initially, but they will soon learn casual sex can be a shallow, empty pursuit for many, and a lot end up feeling worse because they are not valued for their intrinsic human worth by many on a site like this, only their use for another's pleasure."
This |
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It’s the worst place you can be, the initial ego boost is great for some, you can see them lapping it up and once it starts to fade they practically beg for attention, once that goes and the people you are interested in find the next best thing it’s hard to take for some.
If you are fragile in any way this is not the place for you  |
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Another who agrees here.
Had a few days wobble a couples of months back due to vanilla issuesand shouldn't have been here.
I said something thing in a thread that was supposed to be light hearted, in truth it was awful, completely out of character and not even sure where it came from. It left me empty inside and took a while to bounce back.
A lesson learned and highlighted the problem with this place if your not there emotional where you needed to be.
Step away if you're not feeling great, there are good folk here, but you need to find your step up from low moods in ways that you can count on wherever the need arises. |
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My confidence has dipped or my naturally cheery disposition been squished a couple of times by Fab, but I generally just take it as a sign that I need to distance myself from those few toxic elements that turn up now and then. I take a detox break and am soon back to myself 
Having people who really know me here though, who don't take me at face value or judge me based purely on my latest photo, update or forum post... who have met me (either socially or intimately), and know the person behind the profile, makes a huge difference. They are the ones that I come back for after I've detoxed... My friends |
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I think it can help bolster self esteem if you use it carefully and in conjunction with other things. I've met some amazing people here and have found a community, and Fab/ swinging allows me to be true to myself.
But the Fabs, the attention, messages and compliments from strangers... It's not a good idea to heed any of that. Because it is insincere and with it can also come abuse and lulls in attention. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It can be the worst place to be or it can be the best - I think a lot comes down to individual expectations of the site and approach to the way you use it, including how seriously you take it.
Have high expectations and see it as a means to lift you and I can see it would crush someone with little self-confidence and self-esteem - however with the opposite approach it can have the power to boost the ego and life confidence and self-esteem.
I've always fallen somewhere in the middle being neither lacking or overflowing in a sense of self-worth but I'd say it's increased overall since I've been here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My confidence has dipped or my naturally cheery disposition been squished a couple of times by Fab, but I generally just take it as a sign that I need to distance myself from those few toxic elements that turn up now and then. I take a detox break and am soon back to myself
Having people who really know me here though, who don't take me at face value or judge me based purely on my latest photo, update or forum post... who have met me (either socially or intimately), and know the person behind the profile, makes a huge difference. They are the ones that I come back for after I've detoxed... My friends "
You saved me trying to put that into words!
I actually had a similar chat with someone last night about perception and interpretation. I've had a few negative comments that really hurt and I've had to take a step back and remind myself that people will judge your behaviour and come to their own conclusions and you really can't do anything about that. |
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"My confidence has dipped or my naturally cheery disposition been squished a couple of times by Fab, but I generally just take it as a sign that I need to distance myself from those few toxic elements that turn up now and then. I take a detox break and am soon back to myself
Having people who really know me here though, who don't take me at face value or judge me based purely on my latest photo, update or forum post... who have met me (either socially or intimately), and know the person behind the profile, makes a huge difference. They are the ones that I come back for after I've detoxed... My friends
"
"
You saved me trying to put that into words!
I actually had a similar chat with someone last night about perception and interpretation. I've had a few negative comments that really hurt and I've had to take a step back and remind myself that people will judge your behaviour and come to their own conclusions and you really can't do anything about that. "
Two great posts about the value of good friendships and the terrible trend of keyboard warriors thinking its funny to destroy others with their abuse. If you're lucky enough to have the former, speak to them if you can. The latter sadly have that power to wreck people if you dwell on what's been said, delete, block and report them, they aren't worthy of space in your head. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My confidence has built from being on here, I won’t lie when you send a well thought out message and it gets deleted without so much as a sorry not my type it does hit you a bit but I’ve soon built up a tolerance to it and it’s just one of those things now |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ?"
If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My confidence has dipped or my naturally cheery disposition been squished a couple of times by Fab, but I generally just take it as a sign that I need to distance myself from those few toxic elements that turn up now and then. I take a detox break and am soon back to myself
Having people who really know me here though, who don't take me at face value or judge me based purely on my latest photo, update or forum post... who have met me (either socially or intimately), and know the person behind the profile, makes a huge difference. They are the ones that I come back for after I've detoxed... My friends "
Exactly this, fab can build you up or knock you down. But fab friends are the best. Especially this lovely lady. X |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ?
If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site."
I think it can be just as bad regardless of gender to be honest - sure for the ladies there may well be that initial boost of the attention received but once the realisation sets in that it's very superficial and mostly designed to get into your knickers K can imagine it could have quite the opposite effect. |
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"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ? If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site."
The self esteem boost from false compliments lasted a day or two for me. Now that component is neutral to bad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ? If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site."
Nope, you're wrong about women. False compliments mean nothing. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ?
If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site.
I think it can be just as bad regardless of gender to be honest - sure for the ladies there may well be that initial boost of the attention received but once the realisation sets in that it's very superficial and mostly designed to get into your knickers K can imagine it could have quite the opposite effect."
I beg to differ. I think if you took an average man on here and compared self esteem to the average woman on here there would be a substantial difference. You still get these women with demands who have kind of bought into the delusion. You can't blame them though if it was the opposite way around men would do the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think those with low self esteem should look to join sites like this to help to be honest.
False compliments from men desperate to get in your knickers isn’t flattering! Of course there aren’t plenty men who are genuine and do fancy you. But to differ between the two can take a while. So they’d be better off working on themselves first.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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99% of fabbers can knock your confidence, not deliberately, but by being what you want you aren't what they are seeking.
the other 1% make me feel on top of the world, not because I'm what they are seeking but they treat me like a human worth knowing.
Be that 1% with everyone. |
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"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ?
If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site.
I think it can be just as bad regardless of gender to be honest - sure for the ladies there may well be that initial boost of the attention received but once the realisation sets in that it's very superficial and mostly designed to get into your knickers K can imagine it could have quite the opposite effect. I beg to differ. I think if you took an average man on here and compared self esteem to the average woman on here there would be a substantial difference. You still get these women with demands who have kind of bought into the delusion. You can't blame them though if it was the opposite way around men would do the same. "
I make demands not because I feel superior, but because I can. Although most of my demands amount to treat me with respect. It's just a supply-demand thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t think those with low self esteem should look to join sites like this to help to be honest.
False compliments from men desperate to get in your knickers isn’t flattering! Of course there aren’t plenty men who are genuine and do fancy you. But to differ between the two can take a while. So they’d be better off working on themselves first.
"
Also, my self esteem has neither increased or decreased since joining Fab!
The genuine compliments are lovely however! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I would say it's the last place people with low self-esteem should be.
They might get an ego boost initially, but they will soon learn casual sex can be a shallow, empty pursuit for many, and a lot end up feeling worse because they are not valued for their intrinsic human worth by many on a site like this, only their use for another's pleasure."
I couldn't have said it better |
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I notice that some people genuinely have low self esteem and I think this isn't the best place for them to be.
I also notice that some do that self depreciation thing in order to elicit compliments and I think this is the ideal place for them.
I notice too that if you have high self esteem people will do their best to knock you down and I think this is the right place for them. If you know your own worth it can't be dented. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never had an ego boost from being on here. I've met some really lovely people that make me smile.
My self esteem is fine, I take the piss out of myself but I do actually like myself. I'm realistic that I can't compete with the women on here so I don't, and I'm happy with that.
I can see how it would be very negative for anyone with low self esteem. I have no idea why men put themselves through being on here. Repeatedly being ignored/ bitched at must be awful.
I suppose the same could be said for women but it's not really the same. Even I get mails (!!!) so any woman with pics will get more mails than me, and if they're that way inclined it will give them an ego boost. |
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In my time on Fab I’ve been lucky enough to meet some wonderful people through socials, (some of whom I consider to be close friends) which has helped my self-esteem and confidence tremendously.
That being said, I do get occasional dips where I feel quite down for no particular reason. When I recognise this is the case, I find it helps to just hide my profile and take a few days away from the site to recharge my batteries, after which I can return fully refreshed and ready to pick up where I left off
Tbh, I’ve always found the generic dating sites to be more soul-destroying than Fab x |
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"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ?
If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site.
I think it can be just as bad regardless of gender to be honest - sure for the ladies there may well be that initial boost of the attention received but once the realisation sets in that it's very superficial and mostly designed to get into your knickers K can imagine it could have quite the opposite effect. I beg to differ. I think if you took an average man on here and compared self esteem to the average woman on here there would be a substantial difference. You still get these women with demands who have kind of bought into the delusion. You can't blame them though if it was the opposite way around men would do the same.
I make demands not because I feel superior, but because I can. Although most of my demands amount to treat me with respect. It's just a supply-demand thing. "
Exactly, only a fool would believe otherwise. I think most men want the admiration of many and so don't realise that most women want the adoration of one.
Throwaway compliments mean very little to all but the histrionic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ?
If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site.
I think it can be just as bad regardless of gender to be honest - sure for the ladies there may well be that initial boost of the attention received but once the realisation sets in that it's very superficial and mostly designed to get into your knickers K can imagine it could have quite the opposite effect. I beg to differ. I think if you took an average man on here and compared self esteem to the average woman on here there would be a substantial difference. You still get these women with demands who have kind of bought into the delusion. You can't blame them though if it was the opposite way around men would do the same.
I make demands not because I feel superior, but because I can. Although most of my demands amount to treat me with respect. It's just a supply-demand thing.
Exactly, only a fool would believe otherwise. I think most men want the admiration of many and so don't realise that most women want the adoration of one.
Throwaway compliments mean very little to all but the histrionic. "
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ?
If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site.
I think it can be just as bad regardless of gender to be honest - sure for the ladies there may well be that initial boost of the attention received but once the realisation sets in that it's very superficial and mostly designed to get into your knickers K can imagine it could have quite the opposite effect.
I beg to differ. I think if you took an average man on here and compared self esteem to the average woman on here there would be a substantial difference. You still get these women with demands who have kind of bought into the delusion. You can't blame them though if it was the opposite way around men would do the same. "
I disagree, self-esteem is very much an individual thing that comes from within and therefore you can't make sweeping gender based generalisations - my original point though still stands, whilst women may get an initial ego boost, and indeed boost to their self-esteem when they first join as a result of all the compliments etc they get - it's a short lived thing that soon comes crashing down when they realise most of it is pretty superficial with one aim in mind, and to that extent it actually *could* serve to have the opposite effect on someone who has low self-esteem.
Men on the other hand will get knock backs in all the usual ways you hear them moan about on here and for those with low self-esteem it can't be healthy for them either.
So I stand by my original point that it can be just as bad for anyone of either gender with low self-esteem issues, just some of the problems are different
I'll ignore the thing about women and demands buying into the delusion as it's not relevant to self-esteem issues really nor do I happen to think it's correct in the vast majority of cases. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can imagine it doesn’t do much for guys self esteem. I’m hidden plus heavy filters so I don’t want messages but it must sting for guys having messages deleted quite frequently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never had self esteem issues before fab but the true is most people rub you up the wrong way or misunderstands you the the web is not real till you meet in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to dumb myself down as i had an insecure ex so thought my only possitive feature was i was funny
In the year since i originally joined i dont even recognise who i was to who i am now its been one of the best years of my life for building my self confidence
I now know my worth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are a woman with low self esteem and will believe everything you are told.... then yes Fab is great.
If you are a bloke, probably not."
If you take things too seriously, then I can see it bringing you self esteem down as there's always the excitement of expectation. Will he or she reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to dumb myself down as i had an insecure ex so thought my only possitive feature was i was funny
In the year since i originally joined i dont even recognise who i was to who i am now its been one of the best years of my life for building my self confidence
I now know my worth"
This |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"... for those with low esteem ?
Does it build you up or pull you down ?
Has Fab helped you to rebuild your self esteem after a knock ?
Did you come here with plenty and had it gently eroded away over a period of time ?
If you're a woman this site must be great for self esteem! Even false compliments will help a bit and the attention they receive. If you're just an average guy who struggles with women in the real world I think you're gonna be shit out of luck on here. Hence all the moaning threads etc on here. The ratios distort the site.
I think it can be just as bad regardless of gender to be honest - sure for the ladies there may well be that initial boost of the attention received but once the realisation sets in that it's very superficial and mostly designed to get into your knickers K can imagine it could have quite the opposite effect.
I beg to differ. I think if you took an average man on here and compared self esteem to the average woman on here there would be a substantial difference. You still get these women with demands who have kind of bought into the delusion. You can't blame them though if it was the opposite way around men would do the same.
I disagree, self-esteem is very much an individual thing that comes from within and therefore you can't make sweeping gender based generalisations - my original point though still stands, whilst women may get an initial ego boost, and indeed boost to their self-esteem when they first join as a result of all the compliments etc they get - it's a short lived thing that soon comes crashing down when they realise most of it is pretty superficial with one aim in mind, and to that extent it actually *could* serve to have the opposite effect on someone who has low self-esteem.
Men on the other hand will get knock backs in all the usual ways you hear them moan about on here and for those with low self-esteem it can't be healthy for them either.
So I stand by my original point that it can be just as bad for anyone of either gender with low self-esteem issues, just some of the problems are different
I'll ignore the thing about women and demands buying into the delusion as it's not relevant to self-esteem issues really nor do I happen to think it's correct in the vast majority of cases."
Yeah and it's ok to agree to disagree. Yeah I have seen that on threads where women are concerned about somebody else's previous meets. I just think in general it will have a more beneficial impact on women than men on here. The demands thing to me is an indication of higher self esteem. I don't think some of these women could be so demanding on other platforms, it is only the prospect of NSA sex and the ratios that help them. Women don't drop standards for sex it seems to be only men. The only time I have seen that is in clubs when the partner is in control and just allows anyone and everyone to join in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to dumb myself down as i had an insecure ex so thought my only possitive feature was i was funny
In the year since i originally joined i dont even recognise who i was to who i am now its been one of the best years of my life for building my self confidence
I now know my worth"
I love this. |
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