FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > PA needed...all applicants considered
PA needed...all applicants considered
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My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within.... |
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"So i failed my interview thanks for telling me 
The letter is in the post lolis it cant wait
I’m an expert at this. I even have a pair of glssses
How's your shorthand?smaller than the other but its not nice to highlight disabilitys "
I'm an equal opps employer lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within...."
Can I be your PPA? |
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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago
from the womb and tryout to get back |
"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within...."
Minnie can we negotiate the terms would rather you sit on my lap and call you madam  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in! "
I thought it was too good to be true  |
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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"So i failed my interview thanks for telling me
The letter is in the post lolis it cant wait
I’m an expert at this. I even have a pair of glssses
How's your shorthand?"
It’s the best. Although I do have a long stroke for those awkward words |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have experience in mailbox management. I bulk delete with no hesitation, a dedicated professional in my approach to mailbox clearing.
I also have glasses. |
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"I have experience in mailbox management. I bulk delete with no hesitation, a dedicated professional in my approach to mailbox clearing.
I also have glasses. "
Dotty, I hear you, my bulk delete finger is twitching. I'm usually more on top of it than this!
|
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"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in! "
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine  |
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"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in!
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine "
I promise not to blow in your ear.
Or touch your bum.
This is 2018 after all. |
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"What are the tea making facilities like. And what tea bags are provided?"
Kettle and tea pot are provided.
Bring your own tea cosy.
Quality of tea bags depends on quality of work.
It's kind of like an incentives scheme. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What are the tea making facilities like. And what tea bags are provided?
Kettle and tea pot are provided.
Bring your own tea cosy.
Quality of tea bags depends on quality of work.
It's kind of like an incentives scheme."
The quality of work will depend on the quality of tea bags. |
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"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in!
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine
I promise not to blow in your ear.
Or touch your bum.
This is 2018 after all."
Well at least we're on the same page and there will be none of this parking about. What working hours are we looking at? |
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within...."
Change your gender/status to “single male”. Then you’ll get virtually no messages.
Job jobbed. |
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"What are the tea making facilities like. And what tea bags are provided?
Kettle and tea pot are provided.
Bring your own tea cosy.
Quality of tea bags depends on quality of work.
It's kind of like an incentives scheme.
The quality of work will depend on the quality of tea bags."
Anything but that Yorkshire shite |
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"What are the tea making facilities like. And what tea bags are provided?
Kettle and tea pot are provided.
Bring your own tea cosy.
Quality of tea bags depends on quality of work.
It's kind of like an incentives scheme.
The quality of work will depend on the quality of tea bags."
Hmmmm...What are your tea bags of choice? I will see if petty cash can stretch to them... |
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"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in!
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine
I promise not to blow in your ear.
Or touch your bum.
This is 2018 after all.
Well at least we're on the same page and there will be none of this parking about. What working hours are we looking at?"
Hours are negotiable. I understand you'd have to fit yours round the Morris dancing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What are the tea making facilities like. And what tea bags are provided?
Kettle and tea pot are provided.
Bring your own tea cosy.
Quality of tea bags depends on quality of work.
It's kind of like an incentives scheme.
The quality of work will depend on the quality of tea bags.
Anything but that Yorkshire shite "
We clearly have very differing opinions on tea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What are the tea making facilities like. And what tea bags are provided?
Kettle and tea pot are provided.
Bring your own tea cosy.
Quality of tea bags depends on quality of work.
It's kind of like an incentives scheme.
The quality of work will depend on the quality of tea bags.
Hmmmm...What are your tea bags of choice? I will see if petty cash can stretch to them..."
Yorkshire or Twining English Breakfast will be grand |
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"Apart from my obvious disadvantages and the fact I'll not call any fucker sir I think I'd be very good at this. Hopefully find out soon  "
The Sir bit is part of the terms and conditions....
The tea bags are negotiable. |
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"What are the tea making facilities like. And what tea bags are provided?
Kettle and tea pot are provided.
Bring your own tea cosy.
Quality of tea bags depends on quality of work.
It's kind of like an incentives scheme.
The quality of work will depend on the quality of tea bags.
Hmmmm...What are your tea bags of choice? I will see if petty cash can stretch to them...
Yorkshire or Twining English Breakfast will be grand"
Phew, I can cover those ,thought you were going to say Tea Pig, in which case you'd have to buy your own and claim
back via expenses.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would the successful applicant get holidays?
If so I'm not interested
You could have Boxing Day off maybe. Otherwise no, I need someone who can dedicate their life to keeping my box tidy..."
Boxing day? Hmm I could watch a Bond film on the telly! Prefer the overtime to be honest  |
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"Would the successful applicant get holidays?
If so I'm not interested
You could have Boxing Day off maybe. Otherwise no, I need someone who can dedicate their life to keeping my box tidy...
Boxing day? Hmm I could watch a Bond film on the telly! Prefer the overtime to be honest "
My box does tend to see a lot of traffic on a Bank Holiday... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would the successful applicant get holidays?
If so I'm not interested
You could have Boxing Day off maybe. Otherwise no, I need someone who can dedicate their life to keeping my box tidy...
Boxing day? Hmm I could watch a Bond film on the telly! Prefer the overtime to be honest
My box does tend to see a lot of traffic on a Bank Holiday..."
So this job would cover stamp liking duties too or do you have a damp sponge for that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What are the benifits like, is there a company wellness programme for emoloyees?
Also I can't work the 1st friday, 2nd Monday and Wednesday and 3rd and 4th thursday of each month...... |
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"I would wear a skirt and heels, length of skirt as you specify, heel height as you specify (but only have 4"-6" heels)
Office dress code is kneelength"
Ideal as I have both pencil skirts of that length and office style dresses of that length. These also have the advantage of being able to be worn with stockings without flashing any stocking top, so I would be subtly discrete. |
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"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in!
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine
I promise not to blow in your ear.
Or touch your bum.
This is 2018 after all.
Well at least we're on the same page and there will be none of this parking about. What working hours are we looking at?
Hours are negotiable. I understand you'd have to fit yours round the Morris dancing."
Its not too bad at the moment, Morris Dancing has taking a break for the winter. My bells get a bit cold in this weather! |
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"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in!
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine
I promise not to blow in your ear.
Or touch your bum.
This is 2018 after all.
Well at least we're on the same page and there will be none of this parking about. What working hours are we looking at?
Hours are negotiable. I understand you'd have to fit yours round the Morris dancing.
Its not too bad at the moment, Morris Dancing has taking a break for the winter. My bells get a bit cold in this weather!"
A cold bell ain't good.
Can you type? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in!
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine
I promise not to blow in your ear.
Or touch your bum.
This is 2018 after all.
Well at least we're on the same page and there will be none of this parking about. What working hours are we looking at?
Hours are negotiable. I understand you'd have to fit yours round the Morris dancing.
Its not too bad at the moment, Morris Dancing has taking a break for the winter. My bells get a bit cold in this weather!
A cold bell ain't good.
Can you type?"
Could you jingle his bells to warm him up? |
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"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in!
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine
I promise not to blow in your ear.
Or touch your bum.
This is 2018 after all.
Well at least we're on the same page and there will be none of this parking about. What working hours are we looking at?
Hours are negotiable. I understand you'd have to fit yours round the Morris dancing.
Its not too bad at the moment, Morris Dancing has taking a break for the winter. My bells get a bit cold in this weather!
A cold bell ain't good.
Can you type?
Could you jingle his bells to warm him up?"
Maybe at his interview... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Try the new pixel with duplex and google AI
I have no clue what that means, but you can sit on my knee anytime
Even if I have hemorrhoids?
I'll get you a rubber ring."
So thoughtful you are |
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"I have very robust thighs , so can accommodate the sturdier applicant on my lap...
Alternatively you can sit in my desk and swing your legs..
On, not in!
As long as I can concentrate on the job at hand with no distractions then that should be fine
I promise not to blow in your ear.
Or touch your bum.
This is 2018 after all.
Well at least we're on the same page and there will be none of this parking about. What working hours are we looking at?
Hours are negotiable. I understand you'd have to fit yours round the Morris dancing.
Its not too bad at the moment, Morris Dancing has taking a break for the winter. My bells get a bit cold in this weather!
A cold bell ain't good.
Can you type?
Could you jingle his bells to warm him up?
Maybe at his interview..."
I can type but not very fast, hopefully speed doesn't impress you?!
Looking forward to this interview a little bit |
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"If it’s about devoted attention to your box, I’m happy to offer my time. It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it!
I don’t need tea, I’ll bring my own. You can pay me in jelly babies "
Mmmn sounds a possibility. You could do work placement for a week, see how you get on... |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"If it’s about devoted attention to your box, I’m happy to offer my time. It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it!
I don’t need tea, I’ll bring my own. You can pay me in jelly babies
Mmmn sounds a possibility. You could do work placement for a week, see how you get on..."
Sounds good to me, is that a bit like work experience or interns? I hope you’re not going to abuse me... |
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"If it’s about devoted attention to your box, I’m happy to offer my time. It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it!
I don’t need tea, I’ll bring my own. You can pay me in jelly babies
Mmmn sounds a possibility. You could do work placement for a week, see how you get on...
Sounds good to me, is that a bit like work experience or interns? I hope you’re not going to abuse me... "
Well....You may have to sign a non disclosure agreement... |
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"I can organise your diary too, sir !"
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident... |
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"Apart from my obvious disadvantages and the fact I'll not call any fucker sir I think I'd be very good at this. Hopefully find out soon
The Sir bit is part of the terms and conditions....
The tea bags are negotiable."
Guess I'm fucked then heyho just anther day on fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident..."
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away. |
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"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away."
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I volunteered yesterday and didn't even get an interview so I'm out
The calibre of applicants was very high...we may need a tea boy though..."
Tea omg can't stand the filthy stuff |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away.
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk..."
I’ll fetch it straight away, sir. Anything else I can do while I’m there? Happy to show some initiative if you prefer. |
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within...."
How about a straight “no”: you couldn’t afford my clerical skills.
Has anyone else offered that as an option?
|
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"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away.
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk...
I’ll fetch it straight away, sir. Anything else I can do while I’m there? Happy to show some initiative if you prefer."
Do you fancy shining my shoes? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
"
I applied to everyone 1 time.
Nobody replied.
I just get ignored.
Sir |
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
I applied to everyone 1 time.
Nobody replied.
I just get ignored.
Sir"
Never fear, I won’t ignore you.
How good are your shoe polishing skills? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within...."
I also make a decent brew Sir |
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Do you have a comfortable lap?
"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within...."
|
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or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away.
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk...
I’ll fetch it straight away, sir. Anything else I can do while I’m there? Happy to show some initiative if you prefer.
Do you fancy shining my shoes? "
Sorry, I only have one boss |
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"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away.
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk...
I’ll fetch it straight away, sir. Anything else I can do while I’m there? Happy to show some initiative if you prefer."
I do like a man with initiative |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
"
Depends what the glasses are filled with as to weather I will apply for the post  |
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
I applied to everyone 1 time.
Nobody replied.
I just get ignored.
Sir"
Sorry to hear that.
Keep your pecker etc up. |
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
I also make a decent brew Sir "
Mmmn I might consider making the position job share... |
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within...."
Yes please, is there a relocation package? |
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"Do you have a comfortable lap?
My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within...."
My lap is very comfortable, and very robust.
I can provide a cushion if needed, or you can sit at my feet. |
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"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away.
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk...
I’ll fetch it straight away, sir. Anything else I can do while I’m there? Happy to show some initiative if you prefer.
Do you fancy shining my shoes?
Sorry, I only have one boss"
Loyalty as well as initiative, I like it.
I can see promotion coming your way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away.
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk...
I’ll fetch it straight away, sir. Anything else I can do while I’m there? Happy to show some initiative if you prefer.
I do like a man with initiative"
My fingers and tongue are itching to show you my inventiveness and if I have to share so be it, Sir! |
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I would volunteer, to look after your box. My box is empty, full of tumbles and cobwebs, so lots of spare time, to devote to yours and Im not fussy, about teabags. The only thing is, Id rather you sat on my face, not my lap. |
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
Depends what the glasses are filled with as to weather I will apply for the post "
Ah no alcohol allowed in the office, not since the St Patrick's Day orgy that got just a wee bit out of hand.
We had to repaint the ceiling. Twice.
|
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
Yes please, is there a relocation package?"
Not as such but you do get personal use of the office skateboard. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
Yes please, is there a relocation package?
Not as such but you do get personal use of the office skateboard."
Did I mention I skate too! And while we’re talking board I can iron too |
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"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away.
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk...
I’ll fetch it straight away, sir. Anything else I can do while I’m there? Happy to show some initiative if you prefer.
I do like a man with initiative
My fingers and tongue are itching to show you my inventiveness and if I have to share so be it, Sir!"
You do sound the ideal candidate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can organise your diary too, sir !
Extra points for the Sir.
My diary could definitely need some attention too.
I've double booked on more than one occasion, plus there was the embarrassing revolving door incident...
No problem, sir. Let get the fog off my glasses and I’ll get on it straight away.
I've got some paperwork that needs filing...think it may be under my desk...
I’ll fetch it straight away, sir. Anything else I can do while I’m there? Happy to show some initiative if you prefer.
I do like a man with initiative
My fingers and tongue are itching to show you my inventiveness and if I have to share so be it, Sir!
You do sound the ideal candidate"
Oh, I’m flattered. Thank you, sir |
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"I would volunteer, to look after your box. My box is empty, full of tumbles and cobwebs, so lots of spare time, to devote to yours and Im not fussy, about teabags. The only thing is, Id rather you sat on my face, not my lap."
I'm sure we could come to some kind of arrangement.
Maybe you could be holiday cover. |
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"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
Yes please, is there a relocation package?
Not as such but you do get personal use of the office skateboard.
Did I mention I skate too! And while we’re talking board I can iron too"
Do you have references? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm good at admin ... and wear glasses Sir ..
I may have to pop you in the reserve list, subject to references coming in."
Thank you Sir. I have very nimble fingers and can touch type ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My inbox is a mess.. 298 unread and no time to wade through them.
What I need is a PA.
Male or female, will consider either.
Must be happy to sit on my lap and call me sir.
Glasses an advantage.
Interested? Apply within....
Yes please, is there a relocation package?
Not as such but you do get personal use of the office skateboard.
Did I mention I skate too! And while we’re talking board I can iron too
Do you have references?"
Of course. I’ll send you names and details |
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. 
Not so sure you'd appreciate me sat on your knee 
There’s always a tricky interview question 
