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What a fooking twat!!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?  
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?... "
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
How the fudge did you do that??"
Sat on edge of bed bent over rushing and lifted my knee up too far..... nobhead lol |
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
How the fudge did you do that??
Sat on edge of bed bent over rushing and lifted my knee up too far..... nobhead lol"
Hahaha, you bell. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!? "
I've done that.... think the worst one I've done was when I was about 18 and I burnt my Willy smoking a spilff on the toilet! Good ol' solid... that was not pleasant! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!? "
You were very tired so you have a good excuse
Pulling a cork out of a wine bottle and punched myself in the mouth when it snapped in two  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"One time was pulling pipe off a wall and it came away unexpectedly ended up smacking myself full square on my nose nearly started crying with pain  "
Not nice being hit in the face... I was living in London and I was waiting for a bus. I stood right on the edge of the curb facing away from traffic. Anyway the moment I decided to turn around was when the bus came. He got so close to the curb the side mirror hit me in the face. Luckily they have springs or I would have been out cold. Loads of people there too. It didn't hurt too much at the time. Next day though! Black eye. |
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"
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?
You were very tired so you have a good excuse
Pulling a cork out of a wine bottle and punched myself in the mouth when it snapped in two "
These are comedy gold. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
How the fudge did you do that??
Sat on edge of bed bent over rushing and lifted my knee up too far..... nobhead lol"
Ouch! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?
You were very tired so you have a good excuse
Pulling a cork out of a wine bottle and punched myself in the mouth when it snapped in two "
Tiredness is no excuse for being a complete clumsy muppet!! |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
I did a somersault on a bouncy castle and landed a bit close to the wall. My leg rebounded into my face and I gave myself a really bad nosebleed.
This was at a wedding and I got blood all over my shirt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?
I've done that.... think the worst one I've done was when I was about 18 and I burnt my Willy smoking a spilff on the toilet! Good ol' solid... that was not pleasant! "
That's karma for smoking on the loo!! Ha ha brilliant! |
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"I did a somersault on a bouncy castle and landed a bit close to the wall. My leg rebounded into my face and I gave myself a really bad nosebleed.
This was at a wedding and I got blood all over my shirt. "
So many elements to that post that made me laugh, you daft bugger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well reading these can really cheer you up nice to know you are not alone when it comes to doing stupid things.
Phone in face is great cos the next night you still lay in bed and have phone in same place |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?... "
No, but I've managed to cum on my own face having a wank |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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( Mr)once got out of bed half asleep early hours in the morning for the toilet & smashed my little toe on the door lining , rolled on the floor like a baby |
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?
I've done that.... think the worst one I've done was when I was about 18 and I burnt my Willy smoking a spilff on the toilet! Good ol' solid... that was not pleasant! "
An ex of mine used to buy me a shirt for Xmas and my Birthday, they only lasted a few weeks until there was at least one rock hole in them  |
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By *ensualbicockMan
over a year ago
liverpool wavertree picton clock |
"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?
I've done that.... think the worst one I've done was when I was about 18 and I burnt my Willy smoking a spilff on the toilet! Good ol' solid... that was not pleasant! "
I've done that , smelt like I'd been smoking singed pubic hair  |
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
No, but I've managed to cum on my own face having a wank "
Had a fb cum up my nose (accidentally).. He was lying in ecstasy while I was choking.. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?
Or....
Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...
Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!? "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeh, came home d*unk one night, took a shit on the back garden step and then proceeded to step in it and walked it through house. Woke up like spud out out of trainspotting.
The thing is wife at time had taken time to spring clean that day, so think that's a defintition of a total twat. I think phoning my mates the next day to share my enjoyment made it worse.
True story. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kicking!!! That was supposed to be kicking - ok not big and clever but I was young and impressionable and it was a dare... how was I supposed to know it was cemented to the ground |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kicking!!! That was supposed to be kicking - ok not big and clever but I was young and impressionable and it was a dare... how was I supposed to know it was cemented to the ground "
You almost went in my weirdo box then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kicking!!! That was supposed to be kicking - ok not big and clever but I was young and impressionable and it was a dare... how was I supposed to know it was cemented to the ground
You almost went in my weirdo box then "
What box of yours can I go in then?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've done the classic cartoon thing of standing on a garden rake when its laying on the ground and it springs up and smacks you right on the forehead. I can confirm that really, really hurts.
This year I was repairing a shed and screwed a new latch to it, only to realise afterwards that not only had I screwed the latch to the door but also the door to the frame and therefore couldn't get the door open. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kicking!!! That was supposed to be kicking - ok not big and clever but I was young and impressionable and it was a dare... how was I supposed to know it was cemented to the ground
You almost went in my weirdo box then
What box of yours can I go in then? "
My box of treats |
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In my early 20's I had a car without power steering, and I let the steering wheel spin through my hands a bit on a roundabout once, caught my thumb in it and pulled it right out of joint. I had to pull over and pop it back in whilst swearing loudly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In bed many years ago with a fella on satin sheets and slid down the bed during sex, as I sat up to shimmy up the bed, he bent down to wrap his arm around me and pull me up the bed and I headbutted him.
I was ok but the next day he had a shiner!
It didn't stop us at the time though! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When i was younger an ex and i were playing about with baby oil.I thought id be clever and jump on her skipped off and broke my wrist on the bedside draws.
Utter cock  |
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I was having a d*unken race through a friends house against one friends misssus years ago. She is only like 5ft so me being a smart arse I picked her up and threw her on the coach so I could win .... I then proceeded to run in to a closed solid glass door |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got my head and arm caught in a jumper the other day and had a total meltdowndue to panicking.. Does this count? "
I got stuck in a onesie when I was dying for a wee once. I had a proper panic attack and have not worn one since. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got my head and arm caught in a jumper the other day and had a total meltdowndue to panicking.. Does this count?
I got stuck in a onesie when I was dying for a wee once. I had a proper panic attack and have not worn one since."
Oh God... You too?? I've done this too!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wiping down the microwave top and knocked over a cactus and tried to catch it like the idiot I am XX can honestly say that has to be the most pricks I've had in my hand in a long time xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wiping down the microwave top and knocked over a cactus and tried to catch it like the idiot I am XX can honestly say that has to be the most pricks I've had in my hand in a long time xx"
Hahaha howling |
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