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What is your definition of cheating?
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Inspired by the 'Is Oral Cheating?' thread.
Where is the line in the sand? When does someone's actions cross that line? Is a brief snog under the mistletoe at a Christmas Party acceptable? How about if your partner falls madly in love with someone else and never acts on it, but you see the longing in him/her? Is the betrayal of the heart different to physical betrayal?
As usual, my mind is curious about nuances, definitions and perceptions 
*note, this is not intended as a cheat-bashing thread, however, be prepared for some to use it as such... This is Fab, and opinions will be diverse |
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Denying a partner something they want. So this means if their partner doesn't want them to talk to, fuck, have oral with other people then they should consider that cheating.
Same goes for sex denial though, if one partner denies the other sex when they want that then they are cheating them. I'm not saying force the person to have sex at all but i'm saying this is also a way to cheat someone thatnobody seems to consider. |
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"Trying to form any kind of relationship behind a partner's back is cheating, to me.
"
Yep, I'd have to agree with that. I'd also examine where our relationship had gone wrong for my partner to treat me in such a nasty and disrespectful way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you know the rules (a promise to each other maybe) and one of you does something that wasn’t agreed on.
*experience
I think the word cheating is complicated. And much more complex than the bashing threads. The subject pops up all the time, and for whatever reason. But some people feel strong about it, and others are blaze. And that’s where arguments start.
To cheat is to do something in your favour without anyone knowing I think.
Is flirting cheating? Looking at someone you think is hot? Where do you draw the line?
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Anything that you keep secret from a partner is cheating, investing time in someone else that isn’t your partner is cheating, going outside the bounds of your relationship rules is cheating, basically anything that you know will destroy your partners love and or respect for you is cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I can’t tell my partner about it, it’s cheating IMO. Flirty texting/sexting behind his back, a kiss, meeting up with the intent to cheat etc, all cheating to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone could form an emotional attachment or longing for someone else other than their partners. That's why we have celebrity crushes in the first place.
The line in the sand is drawn when we as human beings with a kind capable of logic and reason abandon self control and choose to act on these impulses and emotions, and initiate something with someone outside of our relationship. It doesn't even need to get to the physical stage. If you're having to delete text messages to keep your partner from finding out about the sort of intimate stuff you've been sharing with someone who decidedly isn't "just a friend" in your eyes, you're already there in terms of emotional cheating. And given that line, anything physical outside of a relationship that isn't approved or even made aware of to both partners in a relationship automatically counts as cheating.
Don't know why the world's gotten its morals to such a gray area that all this is up for discussion! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anything that you keep secret from a partner is cheating, investing time in someone else that isn’t your partner is cheating, going outside the bounds of your relationship rules is cheating, basically anything that you know will destroy your partners love and or respect for you is cheating."
 |
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"Anything that you keep secret from a partner is cheating, investing time in someone else that isn’t your partner is cheating, going outside the bounds of your relationship rules is cheating, basically anything that you know will destroy your partners love and or respect for you is cheating."
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone could form an emotional attachment or longing for someone else other than their partners. That's why we have celebrity crushes in the first place.
The line in the sand is drawn when we as human beings with a kind capable of logic and reason abandon self control and choose to act on these impulses and emotions, and initiate something with someone outside of our relationship. It doesn't even need to get to the physical stage. If you're having to delete text messages to keep your partner from finding out about the sort of intimate stuff you've been sharing with someone who decidedly isn't "just a friend" in your eyes, you're already there in terms of emotional cheating. And given that line, anything physical outside of a relationship that isn't approved or even made aware of to both partners in a relationship automatically counts as cheating.
Don't know why the world's gotten its morals to such a gray area that all this is up for discussion! "
Given that humans are so bad at being faithful maybe that means we need those sort of interactions with more than one person at a time. So why dont we leave to be the other I hear you say. Because it is the combination of interaction with more than one person that keeps us human. Maybe we as humans have set the line in the sand to strictly  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone could form an emotional attachment or longing for someone else other than their partners. That's why we have celebrity crushes in the first place.
The line in the sand is drawn when we as human beings with a kind capable of logic and reason abandon self control and choose to act on these impulses and emotions, and initiate something with someone outside of our relationship. It doesn't even need to get to the physical stage. If you're having to delete text messages to keep your partner from finding out about the sort of intimate stuff you've been sharing with someone who decidedly isn't "just a friend" in your eyes, you're already there in terms of emotional cheating. And given that line, anything physical outside of a relationship that isn't approved or even made aware of to both partners in a relationship automatically counts as cheating.
Don't know why the world's gotten its morals to such a gray area that all this is up for discussion! "
The world doesn't have a "standard morality". Each of us has our own " moral compass", maybe partly learned but also tempered your personal experience. One person's "cheat" may not be considered as such by another and to straitjacket cheating into a one size fits all code has some considerable limitations.
Like " truth" and other moral concepts they are relative to our own experience and just get in that framework.
And life is ever changing, as are relationships, so what may be acceptable to some will never be acceptable to others...
Maybe instead of such a prescriptive and judgemental approach we should recognise that we all have differing needs, which change at differing stages in our lives. Being true to ourselves may be seen as cheating by others, but if We are not true to ourselves in whatever our situations or relationships who do we cheat more ourselves or others?
And yes I do have conflicted views about this from both sides of the argument....
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Breaking the explicit trust of a partner, through engagement with others by physical sexual contact, or any other contact that is understood to be exclusive within the relationship. This may include behavior that has been specified as exclusive within the relationship or where there's not been prior agreements to engage with others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trying to form any kind of relationship behind a partner's back is cheating, to me.
"
And that is it, end of, even if nothing physical takes place. Which makes all the various excuses pretty pathetic.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trying to form any kind of relationship behind a partner's back is cheating, to me.
And that is it, end of, even if nothing physical takes place. Which makes all the various excuses pretty pathetic.
Totally agree...
"
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"Anything that you keep secret from a partner is cheating, investing time in someone else that isn’t your partner is cheating, going outside the bounds of your relationship rules is cheating, basically anything that you know will destroy your partners love and or respect for you is cheating."
Totally agree. Sending texts/messages to another that you would be uncomfortable with your partner seeing is probably a common one too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Breaking the explicit trust of a partner, through engagement with others by physical sexual contact, or any other contact that is understood to be exclusive within the relationship. This may include behavior that has been specified as exclusive within the relationship or where there's not been prior agreements to engage with others."
Thats the point if what is done is something you know you cant tell your partner about then its cheating
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anything you do behind an partners back.
Swingers can still be cheats if they meet without their partner knowing even if it's someone they have met together before
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I can’t tell my partner about it, it’s cheating IMO. Flirty texting/sexting behind his back, a kiss, meeting up with the intent to cheat etc, all cheating to me. "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And finally:
"To cheat : to behave in a dishonest way or deceive someone in order to get what you want."
^ That ^
Really good posts in here. Thank you for sharing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone could form an emotional attachment or longing for someone else other than their partners. That's why we have celebrity crushes in the first place.
The line in the sand is drawn when we as human beings with a kind capable of logic and reason abandon self control and choose to act on these impulses and emotions, and initiate something with someone outside of our relationship. It doesn't even need to get to the physical stage. If you're having to delete text messages to keep your partner from finding out about the sort of intimate stuff you've been sharing with someone who decidedly isn't "just a friend" in your eyes, you're already there in terms of emotional cheating. And given that line, anything physical outside of a relationship that isn't approved or even made aware of to both partners in a relationship automatically counts as cheating.
Don't know why the world's gotten its morals to such a gray area that all this is up for discussion!
The world doesn't have a "standard morality". Each of us has our own " moral compass", maybe partly learned but also tempered your personal experience. One person's "cheat" may not be considered as such by another and to straitjacket cheating into a one size fits all code has some considerable limitations.
Like " truth" and other moral concepts they are relative to our own experience and just get in that framework.
And life is ever changing, as are relationships, so what may be acceptable to some will never be acceptable to others...
Maybe instead of such a prescriptive and judgemental approach we should recognise that we all have differing needs, which change at differing stages in our lives. Being true to ourselves may be seen as cheating by others, but if We are not true to ourselves in whatever our situations or relationships who do we cheat more ourselves or others?
And yes I do have conflicted views about this from both sides of the argument....
"
Changing needs and differing personalities/priorities at different points in life should never come at the cost of stringing someone along when you think you're done with them. That's cheating. And that's fucking immoral and selfish.
One shouldn't have any business dabbling in love and relationship if one can allow one's love and commitment for someone change with such flippancy like differing time periods in life/personality changes/etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anything you do behind an partners back.
Swingers can still be cheats if they meet without their partner knowing even if it's someone they have met together before
"
Totally agree with this 100% |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Inspired by the 'Is Oral Cheating?' thread.
Where is the line in the sand? When does someone's actions cross that line? Is a brief snog under the mistletoe at a Christmas Party acceptable? How about if your partner falls madly in love with someone else and never acts on it, but you see the longing in him/her? Is the betrayal of the heart different to physical betrayal?
As usual, my mind is curious about nuances, definitions and perceptions
*note, this is not intended as a cheat-bashing thread, however, be prepared for some to use it as such... This is Fab, and opinions will be diverse"
I think if you love your partner and she loves you and you go off with someone else and have sex even just oral that's cheating, I think if you don't love your partner but she loves you and you go and have sex with another even oral that's cheating, I think if neither of you love each other and you go off and have sex with another even oral I think that's acceptable, I think if an operation is involved and your partner can't have sex or has lost her libido and has said you can go and play but don't tell me what you're getting up to that that's acceptable, I think that an adult is a responsible person and their are obviously many different reasons why a person would want to go get sex from elsewhere as well as their partner or instead of their partner so the fact that they are prepared to risk their marriage for sex must obviously be a risk worth taking, a full on snog type kiss is cheating, feeling his cock get hard through his trousers is cheating and sitting on a chair wanking while she lies naked on a bed masturbating is cheating, I personally don't give a damn if an adult cheats I'd prefer not to know really but I've met married women, we're in the wrong place for moral judgement but it never stops people judging does it. |
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