FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Preconceptions of Fab
Preconceptions of Fab
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We see lots of threads bemoaning the fact that fab is not what people expected or that its 'a crap site' because the expectation of all that sex never materialised, and then as weeks turn into months with less and less chance of sex presenting itself people eventually become bitter and cynical..so much so that they become experts at pissing on the dreams and aspirations of newbies 
So what were your expectations upon joining fab?
Was this the first site you joined or did you arrive here via other sites or perhaps you stumbled on it via a google search...
What is fab from your experience? |
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"Upon rejoining after a hiatus from fab I expected more people and less single men "
Are you pleasantly surprised at the lack of "people" and the greater amount of single men than you anticipated? Or annoyed? |
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I joined following a discussion with a meet from outside Fab. After exchanging messages with some local people I found the forums and here I am.
I had no expectations of it being Instashag, hence why I'm probably still here |
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"We see lots of threads bemoaning the fact that fab is not what people expected or that its 'a crap site' because the expectation of all that sex never materialised, and then as weeks turn into months with less and less chance of sex presenting itself people eventually become bitter and cynical..so much so that they become experts at pissing on the dreams and aspirations of newbies
So what were your expectations upon joining fab?
Was this the first site you joined or did you arrive here via other sites or perhaps you stumbled on it via a google search...
What is fab from your experience?"
We’ve been here for donkeys years now, and it’s sad to see how far downhill the site has gone, in terms of people.
When we first joined, it was primarily genuine couples who actually wanted to meet. And meet they did
Over time, we’ve seen more and more time wasters, fantasists (as in like the fantasy but don’t actually want to meet) and fakes. These types make it worse for the genuine people, because we’re all now just expecting to be let down or be messed around.
There are more people who sound really eager for a meet, but then when you try to arrange a date they disappear - or the oft used “We’ll have to check” or “We don’t know what we’re doing that weekend”
Or you ask for a face photo so you can recognise who you’re meeting - and they disappear...
As for how to fix it? Well, perhaps forcing photo verification is the way forward. Perhaps profiles should have to have public photos?
Or, and this is a bit radical, perhaps the site owners should listen to their paying members, and take a bit more interest in their site and try to bring it back to a site for genuine swingers?
It’s no wonder lots of people only meet in clubs these days...
* rant over * |
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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire |
"Upon rejoining after a hiatus from fab I expected more people and less single men
Are you pleasantly surprised at the lack of "people" and the greater amount of single men than you anticipated? Or annoyed?"
I think I'm surprised but at the same time not surprised by the amount of single men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex-wise it's pretty much as expected, but I didn't plan to spend so much time playing daft games on a forum. I like it though  "
pokeybumwank is not an officially recognised game |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was the first site i joined originally back in jan got layed within 2 weeks so was what i expected but i found it cold so i left
It wasnt until i rejoined and that i really began to enjoy it as i didnt make it about finding sex partners it was more about having a laugh on the forum and and soon realised it was basically a way of scouting personalitys too so when i did want to meet folks again i had at least a base knowledge weather we would get on or not iv enjoyed this year massivly and learned a lot about myself i had no clue about and most of all im still learning so wont be leaving anytime soon i dont think |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex-wise it's pretty much as expected, but I didn't plan to spend so much time playing daft games on a forum. I like it though
pokeybumwank is not an officially recognised game"
Just wait and see, I'm taking it pro! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex-wise it's pretty much as expected, but I didn't plan to spend so much time playing daft games on a forum. I like it though
pokeybumwank is not an officially recognised game
Just wait and see, I'm taking it pro!"
bring it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I expected more couples swinging and less singles moaning. "
As you are part of a couple who both play via single profiles i guess you can see things from both sides? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only joined originally to chat to women and one day I changed the filters to have a little peek at the men and I never changed them back. "
thank god for that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just like real life there's a bit of everything: good, bad and everything in-between.
The site is what you make of it. We, men, get a lot of bad press and I do get why don't get me wrong, but I can assure you that there are nice people from all backgrounds and sexes (just as much as there are some not so polite couples or women too here, or everywhere to be honest... And it's ok, it's no different from any other social circle in real life)
A lot of it is down to the attitude you bring with yourself and how you react to people.
Sometimes, less is more.
Have a good day  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I originally joined fab around 10 years ago after migrating from another site. I was very much into the club scene and wanted to keep in touch with people from clubs. It still serves that purpose for me however the forums have always been my main attraction for me here.
There are a lot of fakes and time wasters and they have increased over the years I suppose you could say fab is a failure of its own success
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I expected more love and less hate. I can here after getting introduced to the swinging world in the states though by hippies in the desert. Think I was born too late...
It's the internet though and wherever there is rejection there is bitterness. Also, as in all areas of my life: objective honesty doesn't go down well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We see lots of threads bemoaning the fact that fab is not what people expected or that its 'a crap site' because the expectation of all that sex never materialised, and then as weeks turn into months with less and less chance of sex presenting itself people eventually become bitter and cynical..so much so that they become experts at pissing on the dreams and aspirations of newbies
So what were your expectations upon joining fab?
Was this the first site you joined or did you arrive here via other sites or perhaps you stumbled on it via a google search...
What is fab from your experience?"
My expectations were practically zero, however the longer I’m on here the more enjoyable I’m finding it. Once I got past the just looking for sex and being a bit more decisive on what I’m looking for, it became a little less, well relaxed.
I do believe that the ‘moaning single’ happens as people’s expectations were ‘it’s a sex site, why aren’t they all having sex with me?’ And if they don’t get past that cynicism sets in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only joined originally to chat to women and one day I changed the filters to have a little peek at the men and I never changed them back. thank god for that "
Not been too impressed so far though  |
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"I only joined originally to chat to women and one day I changed the filters to have a little peek at the men and I never changed them back. thank god for that
Not been too impressed so far though "
... Oh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only joined originally to chat to women and one day I changed the filters to have a little peek at the men and I never changed them back. thank god for that
Not been too impressed so far though
... Oh "
Haha. |
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It was recommended to me when I wasn't having much luck on another site. I didn't know anything about it. I had no real expectations I'd meet anyone, let alone do well.
I find the scene incredible and liberating, and Fab is my gateway into it. I've met some fantastic people and it's changed my life for the better.
I guess, if anything, I expected more chat to get to know people a little (for safety if nothing else), and respect for other people. I continue to hope for that, although sometimes in vain. |
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After being on here for 3 years I’ve found it a fantastic tool almost like a ready made manual on how to swing.There are periods when due to other interests I don’t have time for meets but anytime you wish to get back into the scene all the information is there
I mainly meet in clubs and while it’s great to keep in touch with friends I can’t say I’ve had much success on her getting meets but that said I really don’t use it for that purpose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used it a lot between 2010-2015 then rejoined 4 months ago. Coming back I guess I assumed it would be the same and predominately couples looking to play. But I think it has become more multi-faceted these days. People using it to swing, people using it more like a social media site, singles looking for a partner, swingles looking for a number of FWB and finally people looking for casual sex who use it as a suppliment to Tinder, AFF etc.
You can find what you want but there is more 'noise' to filter through. I still find the site useful.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I did expect it to be full of people just looking for sex. I've be disheartened a few times by the amount of messages I sent without replies. But as time goes on you realise it all about socialising and finding someone you can click with. I've got a couple of regular chats going in now and I'm happy with that. I met them through the forums. The forums are great mind, I did post a thread to wind people up today. Get some footie fans blood boiling lol. If you make the effort Fab can work for you. The ladies I'm chatting too are too far away otherwise I'd be straight round you know who you are
I think we all thought fab was just a sex site when we first joined if we're honest. I got no expectations now and thing are starting to happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I first joined a few years was mainly looking for couples to watch for voyeuristic purposes, as that’s how I’d started on the scene on another site.
All I knew was that single guys didn’t stand a chance so had absolutely no expectations of meeting any single ladies whatsoever.
First few months I was the invisible man, so my perceptions of Fab were cemented. The irony was when I stopped caring and started acting like a dick on the forums that’s when I suddenly started getting messages.
A definite case of the harder I tried the worst results I got, the less I tried the better! Weird, strange and I still don’t actually get it! But hey, I’m enjoying it even if the OP still steadfastly refuses to send gratuitous nudity to my inbox!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had zero expectations but thought it was worth a look
Getting my first meet with a gorgeous woman in a hotel room a week later somewhat adjusted my expectations! Now it’s just fun to use the forums, chat and flirt and enjoy meets when they come along
It’s certainly not sex on demand as some seem to think but I’ve met a lot of great people and had some fantastic sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I rejoined after a few years out ..
Since coming back not only do I find it's gone younger but the lack of banter can be misconstrued so much that I retreat in posting as much. I do however find the younger men (some of them) more tuned in, an mature for there age! Alas I do have an age restriction. But lately I've been been tempted to drop it. As the older men just don't seem to want to turn ones mind on as much as the younger ones do!
I have found myself this time round taking my time with meets,I like to get to know the person over a few weeks.
Definitely more, quality rather than quantity!! |
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"I originally joined fab around 10 years ago after migrating from another site. I was very much into the club scene and wanted to keep in touch with people from clubs. It still serves that purpose for me however the forums have always been my main attraction for me here.
There are a lot of fakes and time wasters and they have increased over the years I suppose you could say fab is a failure of its own success
"
This I find interesting as I’d guess now the majority site is made up of non swingers maybe this is due to it becoming a lot more socially acceptable.
Since all the Shades nonsense I reckon the amount of people joining shot through the roof.
You only have to attend a club to see how many guys now think they’re Dom’s but have no real understanding of it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only joined this Summer, after seeing it mentioned online & also a friend talking about it.
I had no clue, and didn’t actually expect anything. I joined and for a good week I didn’t do anything to my profile as I didn’t know whether I was going to stay or not, the messages were so crazy I didn’t read them for a couple of days.
I haven’t met anyone yet, that’s down to my own choice because I’m quite picky, and some of the nasty messages (one from a previous stalker) have put me off, so I’m in no rush!
I did expect that there would be a load of horny men messaging and wanting to meet there and then, not that much different to Tinder in that sense.
I do think a lot join here expecting to get sex straight away with very little conversation, I’m sure that happens sometimes but I’d guess a lot on here aren’t too interested in one night stand type meets, and are looking for something a bit more interesting than that. |
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I joined here having already used another swinging site. The filters here were better... The other site allowed you to state preferences, but not to filter by them, which meant that you couldn't control the level of messages you got, etc., and constantly got mail from people who didn't match any of your preferences (I was one of those dreary people who was always complaining about the 100s of messages I'd never get around to reading or replying to, but only due to lack of filters). In terms of meets, etc., and finding exactly what I wanted, I would term my Fab experience a success The Forums and Social aspect were an unexpected bonus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only joined originally to chat to women and one day I changed the filters to have a little peek at the men and I never changed them back. thank god for that
Not been too impressed so far though "
bloody lesbo |
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"I only joined this Summer, after seeing it mentioned online & also a friend talking about it.
I had no clue, and didn’t actually expect anything. I joined and for a good week I didn’t do anything to my profile as I didn’t know whether I was going to stay or not, the messages were so crazy I didn’t read them for a couple of days.
I haven’t met anyone yet, that’s down to my own choice because I’m quite picky, and some of the nasty messages (one from a previous stalker) have put me off, so I’m in no rush!
I did expect that there would be a load of horny men messaging and wanting to meet there and then, not that much different to Tinder in that sense.
I do think a lot join here expecting to get sex straight away with very little conversation, I’m sure that happens sometimes but I’d guess a lot on here aren’t too interested in one night stand type meets, and are looking for something a bit more interesting than that. "
Exactly members like the above have diluted the site |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even though single men do moan and I have to admit I've been honest with people who I have said things I think are harsh or nasty. The constant rejection can get to you. You don't get that in real life because women give you signals to let you know they're interested. So you don't come on to them if they are not giving off those.
Even though I say that one thing I do like is the women who have found it liberating because they might have confidence issues for one reason or another. There are only a couple of places in the world where women predominantly run things. Hopefully one day this site will have as many women as it does men when idiots in society stop branding them slags if they are sexually liberated and don't want to commit to one man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The site is full of porno pics, TripAdvisor reviews of sex acts and people advertising a menu of what sex acts they offer.
Why the hell anyone thinks people are looking for sex I'll never know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Or maybe women are just wired different. Think it is actually fact that women's brains fire off loads more electrical signals then men but don't hold to that as I haven't googled it yet. So for now... Who knows? Not me, I'm not a woman |
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I joined on the recommendation of a past but no longer fab user. I had no expectations at and was a tad sheepish at first. I have been selective in my meets despite hundreds of assumptions!
So far it’s been a good experience with the odd pervert 
I’m a caged bird set free here - it’s totally MY choice
Since I started using the forums I’ve connected with some lovely forumities and I ignore threads I’ve no desire to become involved or embroiled in - even though some leave me astounded - each to their own ...
On the whole not a bad place once you see beyond the pale! |
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"The site is full of porno pics, TripAdvisor reviews of sex acts and people advertising a menu of what sex acts they offer.
Why the hell anyone thinks people are looking for sex I'll never know. "
The sad thing is... You don't have to be on a sex/swinging site or even a dating site for people to assume you're looking for sex. Until I set my profile to private some years back, I had 'friends of friends' messaging me on FB looking for hookups, and as I mentioned in a previous thread, I was horrified to discover a global chatroom on a mobile game app that my nephews (aged as young as 7) were playing, and as soon as I logged on I was inundated with the same kind of 'horny hangover' messages I've come to expect here if I drop my filters... And that's without the messagers ever seeing a profile, a photo, knowing your age (children play this game ffs), or where you are from. They just see a female avatar name and send messages.
It no longer seems that sexpectations are confined to swinging sites... Any level of online presence has become fair game. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The site is full of porno pics, TripAdvisor reviews of sex acts and people advertising a menu of what sex acts they offer.
Why the hell anyone thinks people are looking for sex I'll never know.
The sad thing is... You don't have to be on a sex/swinging site or even a dating site for people to assume you're looking for sex. Until I set my profile to private some years back, I had 'friends of friends' messaging me on FB looking for hookups, and as I mentioned in a previous thread, I was horrified to discover a global chatroom on a mobile game app that my nephews (aged as young as 7) were playing, and as soon as I logged on I was inundated with the same kind of 'horny hangover' messages I've come to expect here if I drop my filters... And that's without the messagers ever seeing a profile, a photo, knowing your age (children play this game ffs), or where you are from. They just see a female avatar name and send messages.
It no longer seems that sexpectations are confined to swinging sites... Any level of online presence has become fair game. "
I agree.
There’s nothing wrong with expecting sex on a site like this, it’s the way you conduct yourself that’s the problem, and it’s a problem for many. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The site is full of porno pics, TripAdvisor reviews of sex acts and people advertising a menu of what sex acts they offer.
Why the hell anyone thinks people are looking for sex I'll never know.
The sad thing is... You don't have to be on a sex/swinging site or even a dating site for people to assume you're looking for sex. Until I set my profile to private some years back, I had 'friends of friends' messaging me on FB looking for hookups, and as I mentioned in a previous thread, I was horrified to discover a global chatroom on a mobile game app that my nephews (aged as young as 7) were playing, and as soon as I logged on I was inundated with the same kind of 'horny hangover' messages I've come to expect here if I drop my filters... And that's without the messagers ever seeing a profile, a photo, knowing your age (children play this game ffs), or where you are from. They just see a female avatar name and send messages.
It no longer seems that sexpectations are confined to swinging sites... Any level of online presence has become fair game. "
Yeah I remember you posted about the game and the dodgy messages. Freaking nightmare.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I joined from another site 8 years ago, predominantly to meet for sex. I wasn’t particularly successful. I used the chatrooms which were better for expressing my exhibitionistic side than meeting. 5 years ago I discovered the forum and quickly cottoned onto how to be more successful on the site. However no sooner did I work that out, I decided I no longer wished to meet others for sex and ended up just hanging round the forum.
I am now one of those shit-swinging timewasting wankshafts that has ruined the site for real swingers. |
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"I joined on the recommendation of a past but no longer fab user. I had no expectations at and was a tad sheepish at first. I have been selective in my meets despite hundreds of assumptions!
So far it’s been a good experience with the odd pervert
I’m a caged bird set free here - it’s totally MY choice
Since I started using the forums I’ve connected with some lovely forumities and I ignore threads I’ve no desire to become involved or embroiled in - even though some leave me astounded - each to their own ...
On the whole not a bad place once you see beyond the pale! "
This exactly and by the way I like your classy pictures |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I expected more couples swinging and less singles moaning. "
Agreed, in fact I expected much more swinging and a lot less antis looking for love or just bemoaning their personal crises all over a swingers forum like it was the Samaritans |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
I was originally part of a couple he opened the profile. Big mistake the fantasy can be very differant to the reality it all drove him nuts and he left me
I only stayed to fulfil my only fantasy which is mfm then I would be gone. Thought it would be easy to find one man to explore with, someone I could trust that someone Im still looking for a year later.
For anything to work for me I have to have that physical wow factor. My eyes have been opened that connections though messages/phone calls etc can't ever replace that first look that you get in real life or social/clubs etc.
I've put myself in situations and experienced things I never should have with people I never should have.
I've learnt that casual sex doesn't absolutely nothing for me and I'd prefer not to bother.
The forums are great and some brilliant people.
2019 the Spider way will be..more about making friendship groups, socials/parties getting more involved in the face to face meets then see were I go from there...onwards and upwards x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought joining fab would be would be non stop dates/sex etc etc
Hasn’t quite planned out that way. No dramas though, love chatting , forums can be fun (can’t beat a fabathon thread)And I can see naked people ! I’m happy with that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We see lots of threads bemoaning the fact that fab is not what people expected or that its 'a crap site' because the expectation of all that sex never materialised, and then as weeks turn into months with less and less chance of sex presenting itself people eventually become bitter and cynical..so much so that they become experts at pissing on the dreams and aspirations of newbies
So what were your expectations upon joining fab?
Was this the first site you joined or did you arrive here via other sites or perhaps you stumbled on it via a google search...
What is fab from your experience?"
It's a website for meeting and I meet, it works end of |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought I'd find more people near me to be friends with, I expected that to be more of a group thing than the constant barrage of single men.
I come on here now to use the forums and frustrate myself by craving people hundreds of miles away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I'd find more people near me to be friends with, I expected that to be more of a group thing than the constant barrage of single men.
I come on here now to use the forums and frustrate myself by craving people hundreds of miles away "
You and me both. Why you gotta be in Fife? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I joined as I’d split up from my partner and between work and my son I didn’t have time to go out and meet people.
I found it a good distraction when coming home to an empty apartment.
I’ve had my fingers burnt a couple of times from people not using the site as a swinging site, but by and large, I’ve enjoyed the experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I recognise the patterns you describe but that’s people for you: many people really do believe that being willing to turn up for sex means that site members are obligated to drop ‘em immediately.
We’ve found it like real life in that there are a few people we like the look of and, out of those, a few we’d liked to get to know and, finally, even fewer we want to screw. Without doubt, we will not be in the “few” of other people either, which is fair enough. It’s why we try and meet people to meet lots of times.
Otherwise it’s bloody ace seeing so many people like to share and join in. Even better during meets when the cares of life just disappear completely.
Cheers fab and keep up the good work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only joined originally to chat to women and one day I changed the filters to have a little peek at the men and I never changed them back. thank god for that
Not been too impressed so far though bloody lesbo"
. Never! Prefer men for sure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I joined as I’d split up from my partner and between work and my son I didn’t have time to go out and meet people.
I found it a good distraction when coming home to an empty apartment.
I’ve had my fingers burnt a couple of times from people not using the site as a swinging site, but by and large, I’ve enjoyed the experience. "
You mean you can’t just drop in The Hare and Hounds and get laid? Nor could I when I were a lad and lived ower ‘ moor. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We see lots of threads bemoaning the fact that fab is not what people expected or that its 'a crap site' because the expectation of all that sex never materialised, and then as weeks turn into months with less and less chance of sex presenting itself people eventually become bitter and cynical..so much so that they become experts at pissing on the dreams and aspirations of newbies
So what were your expectations upon joining fab?
Was this the first site you joined or did you arrive here via other sites or perhaps you stumbled on it via a google search...
What is fab from your experience?"
That they'll be one lucky bugger to wash my back as I can't reach it myself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I joined as I’d split up from my partner and between work and my son I didn’t have time to go out and meet people.
I found it a good distraction when coming home to an empty apartment.
I’ve had my fingers burnt a couple of times from people not using the site as a swinging site, but by and large, I’ve enjoyed the experience.
You mean you can’t just drop in The Hare and Hounds and get laid? Nor could I when I were a lad and lived ower ‘ moor."
I’d rather stay in and play with myself than try and pull in the Hare and Hounds on a Saturday night |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I joined as I’d split up from my partner and between work and my son I didn’t have time to go out and meet people.
I found it a good distraction when coming home to an empty apartment.
I’ve had my fingers burnt a couple of times from people not using the site as a swinging site, but by and large, I’ve enjoyed the experience.
You mean you can’t just drop in The Hare and Hounds and get laid? Nor could I when I were a lad and lived ower ‘ moor.
I’d rather stay in and play with myself than try and pull in the Hare and Hounds on a Saturday night "
Amen. You can get the train to Ilkley instead... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Upon rejoining after a hiatus from fab I expected more people and less single men "
Less single men on a site dealing prediminantly with sex? That's one expectation I'd never have ha!
I think the ratio has gone up tbf, it used to be about 1 woman to every 7 single guys I think (a forum local search experiment was conducted years back) but quickly repeating the sam eexperiment now gives ratios from around 1 to 9 and 1 to 16, depending on the area.
If you want a site with less single guys then you'd be looking for a site that deals almost all in LTRs? |
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