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Connection
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just thought I'd see how often people feel a real connection with someone they've had a sexual encounter with on here?
Even though I try not to be shallow I have had a few encounters with people that I've only been attracted to physically. I try not to do this but at times needs must. Only problem is i've tried to do anything around the sexual I feel it has been a bit flat. Maybe it's me but outside of the swinging world I feel like I get on with most really well... saying that I am have known the same when meeting friends: I'll meet 30 and only talk to 1 but that 1 I feel a real string connection with.
Guess I'm asking because I have a cynical nature and not exactly the norm |
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Yes. After chatting for ages we met. As soon as I saw his face the connection was formed and solidified instantly. Sometimes you just meet the yin to your yang in the most unexpected circumstances. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
All of my meets from here have had a connection and chemistry on one level or another - I wouldn't have met them if there wasn't one as I've found that sex without that hasn't been at all satisfying.
But ultimately it's horses for courses - some people don't need that and just see sex as a more functional pleasurable act and that's fine too - just wouldn't be for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to have a connection with anyone i meet..if its not there I will walk away and have done so on numerous occasions..
The idea of taking one for the team is abhorrent to me but i think some men are wired differently and can have sex without the emotion |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I find it hard to get a good read on people over here. So to build up a connection before meeting has never really happened. Plus i've only met one or two that
Who I would say their messages or profile represents their personality. I don't mean that in a bad way but I personally find it hard to say who I am with it sounding like a sales pitch. And tge obvious one of us being so complex. I kinda hope I'm more than what you get online
Maybe I'm too much in the porn generation. Supposed to have made us all disengage with the intimacy because of all the exposure to loveless sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to spend time getting to know someone but it helps if they are open to that too ...
If the conversation is laboured on here i figure it will be non existent in the real world so cut my losses early on
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"I find it hard to get a good read on people over here. So to build up a connection before meeting has never really happened. Plus i've only met one or two that
Who I would say their messages or profile represents their personality. I don't mean that in a bad way but I personally find it hard to say who I am with it sounding like a sales pitch. And tge obvious one of us being so complex. I kinda hope I'm more than what you get online
Maybe I'm too much in the porn generation. Supposed to have made us all disengage with the intimacy because of all the exposure to loveless sex"
Maybe you're realistic. I see a lot of people insisting on a connection but in my opinion anything other than a fleeting and illusory intimacy isn't possible in this on line world. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find it hard to get a good read on people over here. So to build up a connection before meeting has never really happened. Plus i've only met one or two that
Who I would say their messages or profile represents their personality. I don't mean that in a bad way but I personally find it hard to say who I am with it sounding like a sales pitch. And tge obvious one of us being so complex. I kinda hope I'm more than what you get online
Maybe I'm too much in the porn generation. Supposed to have made us all disengage with the intimacy because of all the exposure to loveless sex
Maybe you're realistic. I see a lot of people insisting on a connection but in my opinion anything other than a fleeting and illusory intimacy isn't possible in this on line world. "
Yeah maybe so. Gotta admit as well when I have really had a good chat with someone I have a good connection with most the time they have been in a couple. But yeah you also see a lot of people feelingdeceaved by pictures or messages but did they really expect to know someone from messages and pics. To me a pic never does sexy justice. Beautiful maybe, but not sexy |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I find it hard to get a good read on people over here. So to build up a connection before meeting has never really happened. Plus i've only met one or two that
Who I would say their messages or profile represents their personality. I don't mean that in a bad way but I personally find it hard to say who I am with it sounding like a sales pitch. And tge obvious one of us being so complex. I kinda hope I'm more than what you get online
Maybe I'm too much in the porn generation. Supposed to have made us all disengage with the intimacy because of all the exposure to loveless sex
Maybe you're realistic. I see a lot of people insisting on a connection but in my opinion anything other than a fleeting and illusory intimacy isn't possible in this on line world. "
While I think you're right to an extent and a lot of the "connections" on here and elsewhere on-line are superficial at best I do think it's possible to find something that goes beyond that, not into the realms of deep and meaningful necessarily but certainly into something beyond fleeting or superficial.
There are people I know and have chatted to for months and years on here who I'd consider just as good friends as some of my real world ones for example - likewise with some of the people I have met and been more intimate with - perhaps it's because a meet for sex isn't necessarily my only aim, but by spending time swapping messages and getting to know people I've built that connection and chemistry, over a number of weeks/months, that ultimately makes for a better meet.
And yes it is different for couples, the connection is different too, but no less important, it's just more fleeting as you say. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find it hard to get a good read on people over here. So to build up a connection before meeting has never really happened. Plus i've only met one or two that
Who I would say their messages or profile represents their personality. I don't mean that in a bad way but I personally find it hard to say who I am with it sounding like a sales pitch. And tge obvious one of us being so complex. I kinda hope I'm more than what you get online
Maybe I'm too much in the porn generation. Supposed to have made us all disengage with the intimacy because of all the exposure to loveless sex
Maybe you're realistic. I see a lot of people insisting on a connection but in my opinion anything other than a fleeting and illusory intimacy isn't possible in this on line world.
While I think you're right to an extent and a lot of the "connections" on here and elsewhere on-line are superficial at best I do think it's possible to find something that goes beyond that, not into the realms of deep and meaningful necessarily but certainly into something beyond fleeting or superficial.
There are people I know and have chatted to for months and years on here who I'd consider just as good friends as some of my real world ones for example - likewise with some of the people I have met and been more intimate with - perhaps it's because a meet for sex isn't necessarily my only aim, but by spending time swapping messages and getting to know people I've built that connection and chemistry, over a number of weeks/months, that ultimately makes for a better meet.
And yes it is different for couples, the connection is different too, but no less important, it's just more fleeting as you say."
You make some very good points. I would never meet someone only for sex either because there is a person attached to those genitals and I love people. I guess I'm used to meeting people after a couple of messages from when I used to use internet dating. Kind of the norm to try and get to know someone in person
Plus I like someone to tell me about themselves and their interests in person. I really like passion so if someone is really into something I love to hear it from them direct. Plus i feel like if I get it all out online I have less to talk about in person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to have a connection with anyone i meet..if its not there I will walk away and have done so on numerous occasions..
The idea of taking one for the team is abhorrent to me but i think some men are wired differently and can have sex without the emotion"
 |
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"I find it hard to get a good read on people over here. So to build up a connection before meeting has never really happened. Plus i've only met one or two that
Who I would say their messages or profile represents their personality. I don't mean that in a bad way but I personally find it hard to say who I am with it sounding like a sales pitch. And tge obvious one of us being so complex. I kinda hope I'm more than what you get online
Maybe I'm too much in the porn generation. Supposed to have made us all disengage with the intimacy because of all the exposure to loveless sex
Maybe you're realistic. I see a lot of people insisting on a connection but in my opinion anything other than a fleeting and illusory intimacy isn't possible in this on line world.
While I think you're right to an extent and a lot of the "connections" on here and elsewhere on-line are superficial at best I do think it's possible to find something that goes beyond that, not into the realms of deep and meaningful necessarily but certainly into something beyond fleeting or superficial.
There are people I know and have chatted to for months and years on here who I'd consider just as good friends as some of my real world ones for example - likewise with some of the people I have met and been more intimate with - perhaps it's because a meet for sex isn't necessarily my only aim, but by spending time swapping messages and getting to know people I've built that connection and chemistry, over a number of weeks/months, that ultimately makes for a better meet.
And yes it is different for couples, the connection is different too, but no less important, it's just more fleeting as you say."
Chatting to someone for months or years will build up a connection especially if you meet them too. I'm always aware though that you can be anybody you want to be in virtual reality land.
Someone and I think it might have been you, described the connection they feel on a meet as being "in a bubble". I agree with that to an extent.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How are we defining connection?"
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just thought I'd see how often people feel a real connection with someone they've had a sexual encounter with on here?
Even though I try not to be shallow I have had a few encounters with people that I've only been attracted to physically. I try not to do this but at times needs must. Only problem is i've tried to do anything around the sexual I feel it has been a bit flat. Maybe it's me but outside of the swinging world I feel like I get on with most really well... saying that I am have known the same when meeting friends: I'll meet 30 and only talk to 1 but that 1 I feel a real string connection with.
Guess I'm asking because I have a cynical nature and not exactly the norm"
Never, that isn't swinging. |
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"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not "
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it. |
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"Maybe my definition of connection is wrong. But I don't want a connection with anyone besides my husband. Attraction yes, definitely. But connection no.
Mrs"
You probably define connection in a similar way to me. |
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"Maybe my definition of connection is wrong. But I don't want a connection with anyone besides my husband. Attraction yes, definitely. But connection no.
Mrs
You probably define connection in a similar way to me. "
I think so 
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cant fuck without it as it leaves me cold after
Thats why i go for girls i find funny and fun its why i only meet forumites i need to build a desire for the person im fucking sometimes its instand othrrs it builds |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just thought I'd see how often people feel a real connection with someone they've had a sexual encounter with on here?
Even though I try not to be shallow I have had a few encounters with people that I've only been attracted to physically. I try not to do this but at times needs must. Only problem is i've tried to do anything around the sexual I feel it has been a bit flat. Maybe it's me but outside of the swinging world I feel like I get on with most really well... saying that I am have known the same when meeting friends: I'll meet 30 and only talk to 1 but that 1 I feel a real string connection with.
Guess I'm asking because I have a cynical nature and not exactly the norm
Never, that isn't swinging. "
It can be non sexual. I have just as good if not better human connections with men as I do women and I am in not attracted to men at all. I find it hard to believe women find us attractive. But two people can connect on a personal or spiritual level no matter what the outcome. If I'm in any one on one situation with a woman I find them way more attractive if I have some sort of connection. I'm sure they do as well even if married. If I wanted a soulless bang where it was more about the act than the human connection I wouldn't be interested. When I've met as a couple both if us wanted a connection. Why is it different if only a single male? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe my definition of connection is wrong. But I don't want a connection with anyone besides my husband. Attraction yes, definitely. But connection no.
Mrs
You probably define connection in a similar way to me. "
That’s the same for us too. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it."
Yeah I can understand why people don't want that connection especially if a couple. If everyone's expectations are set beforehand then there should be no issue. If you feel like you would be too attracted to a person that it might put your own relationship in trouble then maybe swinging is not right for you. Or maybe you are not meant to only have one partner and are wired to have loving intimate relationships with lots of people. I dunno. Who does eh? |
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"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it.
Yeah I can understand why people don't want that connection especially if a couple. If everyone's expectations are set beforehand then there should be no issue. If you feel like you would be too attracted to a person that it might put your own relationship in trouble then maybe swinging is not right for you. Or maybe you are not meant to only have one partner and are wired to have loving intimate relationships with lots of people. I dunno. Who does eh? "
Personally I know that I can only maintain the type of connection we have as a couple with one person. I can connect superficially with our casual sex partners in that I want them to enjoy the same sense of humour as me etc but polyamory isn't for me its taken a lot of years to build up what we have together. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it.
Yeah I can understand why people don't want that connection especially if a couple. If everyone's expectations are set beforehand then there should be no issue. If you feel like you would be too attracted to a person that it might put your own relationship in trouble then maybe swinging is not right for you. Or maybe you are not meant to only have one partner and are wired to have loving intimate relationships with lots of people. I dunno. Who does eh?
Personally I know that I can only maintain the type of connection we have as a couple with one person. I can connect superficially with our casual sex partners in that I want them to enjoy the same sense of humour as me etc but polyamory isn't for me its taken a lot of years to build up what we have together."
Oh yeah I'm not talking the type of connection where you know each other inside out like you have with a partner or family member. But if in a relationship I have had much better couples outings where we all get along really well. It doesn't make me want to swap partners for good. Just makes everything easier because you all have some sort of human connection. Maybe I'm just a bit of a hippie like that |
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"Just thought I'd see how often people feel a real connection with someone they've had a sexual encounter with on here?
Even though I try not to be shallow I have had a few encounters with people that I've only been attracted to physically. I try not to do this but at times needs must. Only problem is i've tried to do anything around the sexual I feel it has been a bit flat. Maybe it's me but outside of the swinging world I feel like I get on with most really well... saying that I am have known the same when meeting friends: I'll meet 30 and only talk to 1 but that 1 I feel a real string connection with.
Guess I'm asking because I have a cynical nature and not exactly the norm"
Its a little harder in our situation, I can form a connection to guys that i chat with but if Mr doesn't like or want to meet them we dont but he doesn't chat or message anyone so he doesn't have the connection ( We only meet bi guys) but will read all the messages. so does he not need the connection to play ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Connection/Desire..
Connection is a must in my books. There has to be something keeping me interested in mutual things, it's the social aspect of a meet..
The desire Is when I get the feeling of wanting something to happen with that person after the connection is made..
I have to have both! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just thought I'd see how often people feel a real connection with someone they've had a sexual encounter with on here?
Even though I try not to be shallow I have had a few encounters with people that I've only been attracted to physically. I try not to do this but at times needs must. Only problem is i've tried to do anything around the sexual I feel it has been a bit flat. Maybe it's me but outside of the swinging world I feel like I get on with most really well... saying that I am have known the same when meeting friends: I'll meet 30 and only talk to 1 but that 1 I feel a real string connection with.
Guess I'm asking because I have a cynical nature and not exactly the norm
Its a little harder in our situation, I can form a connection to guys that i chat with but if Mr doesn't like or want to meet them we dont but he doesn't chat or message anyone so he doesn't have the connection ( We only meet bi guys) but will read all the messages. so does he not need the connection to play ? "
I dunno maybe that's a question for him. I would think so if he's bi. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to meet people you do because you feel the connection he doesn't |
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"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it.
Yeah I can understand why people don't want that connection especially if a couple. If everyone's expectations are set beforehand then there should be no issue. If you feel like you would be too attracted to a person that it might put your own relationship in trouble then maybe swinging is not right for you. Or maybe you are not meant to only have one partner and are wired to have loving intimate relationships with lots of people. I dunno. Who does eh?
Personally I know that I can only maintain the type of connection we have as a couple with one person. I can connect superficially with our casual sex partners in that I want them to enjoy the same sense of humour as me etc but polyamory isn't for me its taken a lot of years to build up what we have together.
Oh yeah I'm not talking the type of connection where you know each other inside out like you have with a partner or family member. But if in a relationship I have had much better couples outings where we all get along really well. It doesn't make me want to swap partners for good. Just makes everything easier because you all have some sort of human connection. Maybe I'm just a bit of a hippie like that"
I think we're probably saying the same thing. Both of us like to get along with the people we meet, share a laugh talk about common interests etc. I think though that sometimes people mistake that superficial connection for something more meaningful and make themselves vulnerable.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Connection/Desire..
Connection is a must in my books. There has to be something keeping me interested in mutual things, it's the social aspect of a meet..
The desire Is when I get the feeling of wanting something to happen with that person after the connection is made..
I have to have both! "
I agree completely. Certain people do nothing for me even if aesthetically beautiful just because our being together causes awkward silences, us to get annoyed at each other etc. So I need that connection and it does lead to desire if there's a sexual connection as well |
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My needs and desires have evolved over time.
I occasionally met based purely on physical attraction in my early swinging days but never found it particularly satisfying, the endorphins would wear off quickly, and we would almost instantly be looking for the next meet (I started out swinging as half of a couple).
The people I eventually started to meet regularly with were those whom I connected with on multiple levels. Some I had deeper (or different) connections with than others. Meeting them was more satisfying and the endorphins lasted longer.
Knowing you are going to meet those people again and again is wonderful, whether its once or twice a year, or every week |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it.
Yeah I can understand why people don't want that connection especially if a couple. If everyone's expectations are set beforehand then there should be no issue. If you feel like you would be too attracted to a person that it might put your own relationship in trouble then maybe swinging is not right for you. Or maybe you are not meant to only have one partner and are wired to have loving intimate relationships with lots of people. I dunno. Who does eh?
Personally I know that I can only maintain the type of connection we have as a couple with one person. I can connect superficially with our casual sex partners in that I want them to enjoy the same sense of humour as me etc but polyamory isn't for me its taken a lot of years to build up what we have together.
Oh yeah I'm not talking the type of connection where you know each other inside out like you have with a partner or family member. But if in a relationship I have had much better couples outings where we all get along really well. It doesn't make me want to swap partners for good. Just makes everything easier because you all have some sort of human connection. Maybe I'm just a bit of a hippie like that
I think we're probably saying the same thing. Both of us like to get along with the people we meet, share a laugh talk about common interests etc. I think though that sometimes people mistake that superficial connection for something more meaningful and make themselves vulnerable.
"
Yeah I think we are. Basically we don't want to meet up with people we think are arseholes, no matter how pretty they may be. But don't we develop meaningful relationships with all our friends? Swinging or not? I love to know someone cares for me as a person and I can rely on them. Should say I do try to be Buddhist so it dies involve me trying to care for every person as much as possible. I can just draw the line and not really be proper love, in the traditional sense of the word unless we are both single. I won't allow myself... But again: porno generation |
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"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it.
Yeah I can understand why people don't want that connection especially if a couple. If everyone's expectations are set beforehand then there should be no issue. If you feel like you would be too attracted to a person that it might put your own relationship in trouble then maybe swinging is not right for you. Or maybe you are not meant to only have one partner and are wired to have loving intimate relationships with lots of people. I dunno. Who does eh?
Personally I know that I can only maintain the type of connection we have as a couple with one person. I can connect superficially with our casual sex partners in that I want them to enjoy the same sense of humour as me etc but polyamory isn't for me its taken a lot of years to build up what we have together.
Oh yeah I'm not talking the type of connection where you know each other inside out like you have with a partner or family member. But if in a relationship I have had much better couples outings where we all get along really well. It doesn't make me want to swap partners for good. Just makes everything easier because you all have some sort of human connection. Maybe I'm just a bit of a hippie like that
I think we're probably saying the same thing. Both of us like to get along with the people we meet, share a laugh talk about common interests etc. I think though that sometimes people mistake that superficial connection for something more meaningful and make themselves vulnerable.
Yeah I think we are. Basically we don't want to meet up with people we think are arseholes, no matter how pretty they may be. But don't we develop meaningful relationships with all our friends? Swinging or not? I love to know someone cares for me as a person and I can rely on them. Should say I do try to be Buddhist so it dies involve me trying to care for every person as much as possible. I can just draw the line and not really be proper love, in the traditional sense of the word unless we are both single. I won't allow myself... But again: porno generation"
My opinion is that as long as you remain realistic you can respect and love your fellow man (as long as they aren't arseholes  or maybe despite that). To me that constitutes caring |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it.
Yeah I can understand why people don't want that connection especially if a couple. If everyone's expectations are set beforehand then there should be no issue. If you feel like you would be too attracted to a person that it might put your own relationship in trouble then maybe swinging is not right for you. Or maybe you are not meant to only have one partner and are wired to have loving intimate relationships with lots of people. I dunno. Who does eh?
Personally I know that I can only maintain the type of connection we have as a couple with one person. I can connect superficially with our casual sex partners in that I want them to enjoy the same sense of humour as me etc but polyamory isn't for me its taken a lot of years to build up what we have together.
Oh yeah I'm not talking the type of connection where you know each other inside out like you have with a partner or family member. But if in a relationship I have had much better couples outings where we all get along really well. It doesn't make me want to swap partners for good. Just makes everything easier because you all have some sort of human connection. Maybe I'm just a bit of a hippie like that
I think we're probably saying the same thing. Both of us like to get along with the people we meet, share a laugh talk about common interests etc. I think though that sometimes people mistake that superficial connection for something more meaningful and make themselves vulnerable.
Yeah I think we are. Basically we don't want to meet up with people we think are arseholes, no matter how pretty they may be. But don't we develop meaningful relationships with all our friends? Swinging or not? I love to know someone cares for me as a person and I can rely on them. Should say I do try to be Buddhist so it dies involve me trying to care for every person as much as possible. I can just draw the line and not really be proper love, in the traditional sense of the word unless we are both single. I won't allow myself... But again: porno generation
My opinion is that as long as you remain realistic you can respect and love your fellow man (as long as they aren't arseholes or maybe despite that). To me that constitutes caring "
Amen sister |
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"Just thought I'd see how often people feel a real connection with someone they've had a sexual encounter with on here?
Even though I try not to be shallow I have had a few encounters with people that I've only been attracted to physically. I try not to do this but at times needs must. Only problem is i've tried to do anything around the sexual I feel it has been a bit flat. Maybe it's me but outside of the swinging world I feel like I get on with most really well... saying that I am have known the same when meeting friends: I'll meet 30 and only talk to 1 but that 1 I feel a real string connection with.
Guess I'm asking because I have a cynical nature and not exactly the norm
Its a little harder in our situation, I can form a connection to guys that i chat with but if Mr doesn't like or want to meet them we dont but he doesn't chat or message anyone so he doesn't have the connection ( We only meet bi guys) but will read all the messages. so does he not need the connection to play ?
I dunno maybe that's a question for him. I would think so if he's bi. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to meet people you do because you feel the connection he doesn't "
Maybe so , or is it that he feels a little intimidated ( looks, bigger cock ,better stamina,younger) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Connection/Desire..
Connection is a must in my books. There has to be something keeping me interested in mutual things, it's the social aspect of a meet..
The desire Is when I get the feeling of wanting something to happen with that person after the connection is made..
I have to have both! "
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"How are we defining connection?
Like that back and forth that comes from two people who are in tune. It's cheesy but I guess you just know yourself when there's a real connection. The definition may vary depending on the person.... Is that dodging the question? Nah prob not
Ah right. I think if you have similar sense of humour, equal wit, intelligence on a par with each other then establishing a connection is easy. I see connection as meaning on a spiritual or emotional level and I don't think that's possible without knowing back person really well.
You do know when you connect however you define it.
Yeah I can understand why people don't want that connection especially if a couple. If everyone's expectations are set beforehand then there should be no issue. If you feel like you would be too attracted to a person that it might put your own relationship in trouble then maybe swinging is not right for you. Or maybe you are not meant to only have one partner and are wired to have loving intimate relationships with lots of people. I dunno. Who does eh?
Personally I know that I can only maintain the type of connection we have as a couple with one person. I can connect superficially with our casual sex partners in that I want them to enjoy the same sense of humour as me etc but polyamory isn't for me its taken a lot of years to build up what we have together.
Oh yeah I'm not talking the type of connection where you know each other inside out like you have with a partner or family member. But if in a relationship I have had much better couples outings where we all get along really well. It doesn't make me want to swap partners for good. Just makes everything easier because you all have some sort of human connection. Maybe I'm just a bit of a hippie like that
I think we're probably saying the same thing. Both of us like to get along with the people we meet, share a laugh talk about common interests etc. I think though that sometimes people mistake that superficial connection for something more meaningful and make themselves vulnerable.
Yeah I think we are. Basically we don't want to meet up with people we think are arseholes, no matter how pretty they may be. But don't we develop meaningful relationships with all our friends? Swinging or not? I love to know someone cares for me as a person and I can rely on them. Should say I do try to be Buddhist so it dies involve me trying to care for every person as much as possible. I can just draw the line and not really be proper love, in the traditional sense of the word unless we are both single. I won't allow myself... But again: porno generation
My opinion is that as long as you remain realistic you can respect and love your fellow man (as long as they aren't arseholes or maybe despite that). To me that constitutes caring
Amen sister"
praise the Lord and pass the ammunition... |
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"Just thought I'd see how often people feel a real connection with someone they've had a sexual encounter with on here?
"
Trouble is that's a 'How long is a piece of string' question - what you mean by a connection may be completely different to what I mean, and some connections are pretty superficial and ephemeral, whereas others are deep and long lasting. It's a sliding scale and varies according to the person, but I am looking for increasingly more.
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