FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Women who close their account within a few days
Women who close their account within a few days
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
A number of times I have been having light conversation with a newbie. Making them aware of the likely quantity and content of the messages they'll encounter.
Trying to ensure they don't get overwhelmed and run away.
Just happened again. She said having a friend would be good. Exchanged pics. Being cautious I didn't send friend invite, as cocks can offend those of a nervous disposition. haha.
Hour later she's left the site.
I'd be interested in the woman's perspective on what would provoke a bid for freedom? |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"A number of times I have been having light conversation with a newbie. Making them aware of the likely quantity and content of the messages they'll encounter.
Trying to ensure they don't get overwhelmed and run away.
Just happened again. She said having a friend would be good. Exchanged pics. Being cautious I didn't send friend invite, as cocks can offend those of a nervous disposition. haha.
Hour later she's left the site.
I'd be interested in the woman's perspective on what would provoke a bid for freedom?"
Probably a man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a newbie you get hundreds of mail, many of those before you even write a profile or upload pics.
At first you might reply to one or two. But since you've not yet discovered filters your inbox bombardment continues.
You're not too sure about paying for site support as you don't know if you're staying so your messages get all jumbled up, you don't know what you said to get the reply someone has sent, conversations get confusing. And still the influx of mail continues.
Or maybe they just changed their mind. |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
"Yes usually a man adding to their wank bank"
She hadn't yet put any pics up. Until there's photo verification always a risk it's a man.
Private pic was of a normal woman. Not some hottie male fantasy. |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
"I think filters should be set automatically for new members, they can still message out, but won't get swamped and scared off."
I like this idea.
Perhaps for the first few weeks their profile should come up as admin hidden profile |
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By *ottie 13Woman
over a year ago
Happy go lucky |
I think it's quite a shock to the system to start with when I first came on I wasn't sure it was for me I felt quite intimidated at times then after a few days I started to use it for what I wanted. I think it's a bit like marmite you love or hate it  |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
"Probably a man pretending to be a woman.
Gets a bit tedious but you do learn to spot them.
Just ask to phone verify early on."
No one would be daft enough to give out their phone number and risk nuisance calls in the middle of the night. Lot of crazies out there.
Kik face chat . |
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"As a newbie you get hundreds of mail, many of those before you even write a profile or upload pics.
At first you might reply to one or two. But since you've not yet discovered filters your inbox bombardment continues.
You're not too sure about paying for site support as you don't know if you're staying so your messages get all jumbled up, you don't know what you said to get the reply someone has sent, conversations get confusing. And still the influx of mail continues.
"
Exactly this.
Then you do get a few messages from men warning you in advance, but not sure if they’re trying to ‘jump the queue’ or being helpful.
Best to leave the newbie alone for a while while they find out the workings of the site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People of all genders join to have a look around to see what's it all about and change their minds especially if you recognise someone nearby. Also as a female the amount of messages you get is totally overwhelming and the crudeness can be very intimidating. Why worry yourself over it? Just treat it as a didn't work and move on ... |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
"
Then you do get a few messages from men warning you in advance, but not sure if they’re trying to ‘jump the queue’ or being helpful.
Best to leave the newbie alone for a while while they find out the workings of the site. "
Yes I was wary of this.
Tried to keep myself out of the frame.
Advised her to look for herself and see what was on here. Told her there's bound to be a few that take her fancy. |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
Only the member who has left can answer your question, everyone one else is guessing why they left. They might be right or just as easily wrong.
The updates feed I get of new members more often than not according to their profiles they've been here before and often have filters set.
Folk come folk go.. chances are they'll be back.  |
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"I think filters should be set automatically for new members, they can still message out, but won't get swamped and scared off.
I like this idea.
Perhaps for the first few weeks their profile should come up as admin hidden profile"
That would be very sensible, I have found it quite common that people leave as they get scared off by the huge number of messages, one said she had 600 in her first day- just could not keep up. If they were hidden it would give them a chance to have a look around then gently un-set their filters. |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
" Why worry yourself over it? Just treat it as a didn't work and move on ... "
If we can't appreciate what's obviously broken we can't fix it.
The numbers are to be expected. It's the attitude of some of those messaging that sucks.
Think I'll put my newbies filter on until they've sunk/swam |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
"Only the member who has left can answer your question, everyone one else is guessing why they left. They might be right or just as easily wrong.
The updates feed I get of new members more often than not according to their profiles they've been here before and often have filters set.
Folk come folk go.. chances are they'll be back. "
Born again fabbers don't count. They'really field hardened grrrr |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
people like you keep messaging them again and again. in the space it takes you to formulate a message, they have received 50 others,, send another, another 50 and another 50..woman runs blocks the lot or learns to put up message filters..and some of the messages are gross, you've got to want to be here, to stay.. |
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
To be honest even I've fallen for fake profiles of couples, it happens to the best of us even with years of experience. Some of the posts could be right, she may have joined to see what it was all about and either been scared off or just decided it's not for her.
A woman friend of mine joined, even before she had posted a profile pic she had 24 one line messages with a cock pic asking if she wanted to suck it, fuck it or something else quite bazaar. It put her off and she left.
Shame really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve noticed this a lot for local area here lately, they tend to follow a profile pattern:
Joined ‘x’ hours ago (usually late night)
Not logged in since
Usually in their 20’s
Single
Can’t accommodate
No picture
Age preference 18-99
Info - Single looking for men
Next time you look UNLOS
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I’ve noticed this a lot for local area here lately, they tend to follow a profile pattern:
Joined ‘x’ hours ago (usually late night)
Not logged in since
Usually in their 20’s
Single
Can’t accommodate
No picture
Age preference 18-99
Info - Single looking for men
Next time you look UNLOS
"
9/10 times these are men having sneeky peek at other men at bedtime..just saying |
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"Probably a man pretending to be a woman.
Gets a bit tedious but you do learn to spot them.
Just ask to phone verify early on.
No one would be daft enough to give out their phone number and risk nuisance calls in the middle of the night. Lot of crazies out there.
Kik face chat . "
Works for me. |
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"A number of times I have been having light conversation with a newbie. Making them aware of the likely quantity and content of the messages they'll encounter.
Trying to ensure they don't get overwhelmed and run away.
Just happened again. She said having a friend would be good. Exchanged pics. Being cautious I didn't send friend invite, as cocks can offend those of a nervous disposition. haha.
Hour later she's left the site.
I'd be interested in the woman's perspective on what would provoke a bid for freedom?"
Probably was a guy x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A friend of mine joined but had left within a couple of weeks not because of the volume of messages as I had told her about filters but because of the content. "
from what i hear some are just scary i appologise to your friend on behalf of my gender
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"May be we should all swap profiles and passwords for the say and see what myschief we can cause.
Women with use of our profiles wouldn't get up to much. Lol. Well apart from changing to gay "
urm no nobodys messing with mine its a work of art |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" 9/10 times these are men having sneeky peek at other men at bedtime..just saying"
I feel violated!! Oh wait... they haven’t looked at my profile... I feel victimised!!   |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
Thought id give you a laugh. Never having started a conversation here a managed to post it on the Australian board.
I response below-
There are very few woman on here in Oz so don’t worry. There are a LOT of fake female profiles on here and they too disappear after liking profiles or sending a message or two. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve noticed this a lot for local area here lately, they tend to follow a profile pattern:
Joined ‘x’ hours ago (usually late night)
Not logged in since
Usually in their 20’s
Single
Can’t accommodate
No picture
Age preference 18-99
Info - Single looking for men
Next time you look UNLOS
"
I always wondered that 18-99, who shags 99 year olds, mature yes,but come on that's just wrong on all levels
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I always wondered that 18-99, who shags 99 year olds, mature yes,but come on that's just wrong on all levels
"
At my age, a 99 yr old is the only way I’ll get to play with a cougar  |
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I deleted my first profile before I even filled it in or posted pictures. Not only did I get so many messages the unread ones went off the end of the page but some of them are awful. I've been offered money, drugs, had all sort of verbal abuse, etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I always wondered that 18-99, who shags 99 year olds, mature yes,but come on that's just wrong on all levels
At my age, a 99 yr old is the only way I’ll get to play with a cougar "
Any port in a storm I suppose |
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Any real new user will not know what to expect - and the reality may not suit them. I think the men who come here need fab more than the women on average do. It's overwhelming for new women, adding to the deterrent effect.
I generally avoid new users, whilst they work out their preferences and stability |
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"As a newbie you get hundreds of mail, many of those before you even write a profile or upload pics.
At first you might reply to one or two. But since you've not yet discovered filters your inbox bombardment continues.
You're not too sure about paying for site support as you don't know if you're staying so your messages get all jumbled up, you don't know what you said to get the reply someone has sent, conversations get confusing. And still the influx of mail continues.
Or maybe they just changed their mind. "
This 
It can all be quite overwhelming, particularly if you've arrived here completely new to swinging as a whole (personally I found that when I joined Fab, most (not all) men were far more aggressive in their messaging and tone than I'd experienced on other sites, so to someone with no terms of reference that must be quite scary.
It's been said before but always worth repeating.... If a man is aggressive and pushy in their messaging, even to the point of rudeness if a woman doesn't respond quickly enough or in a manner that the man expects, why would that woman want to actually put herself in the same room as him? If 95% of the men messaging you are like that, why would you want to stay on the site?
Until someone finds their feet and filters here, it can feel like you've fallen into a shark tank.
I know you were being the nice guy OP... But knowing what it's like to be 'fresh meat' and trying to navigate the site without training wheels, I'm not in the least surprised many simply vanish after a few hours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As a newbie you get hundreds of mail, many of those before you even write a profile or upload pics.
At first you might reply to one or two. But since you've not yet discovered filters your inbox bombardment continues.
You're not too sure about paying for site support as you don't know if you're staying so your messages get all jumbled up, you don't know what you said to get the reply someone has sent, conversations get confusing. And still the influx of mail continues.
Or maybe they just changed their mind.
This
It can all be quite overwhelming, particularly if you've arrived here completely new to swinging as a whole (personally I found that when I joined Fab, most (not all) men were far more aggressive in their messaging and tone than I'd experienced on other sites, so to someone with no terms of reference that must be quite scary.
****It's been said before but always worth repeating.... If a man is aggressive and pushy in their messaging, even to the point of rudeness if a woman doesn't respond quickly enough or in a manner that the man expects, why would that woman want to actually put herself in the same room as him? If 95% of the men messaging you are like that, why would you want to stay on the site?
****
Until someone finds their feet and filters here, it can feel like you've fallen into a shark tank.
I know you were being the nice guy OP... But knowing what it's like to be 'fresh meat' and trying to navigate the site without training wheels, I'm not in the least surprised many simply vanish after a few hours. "
****
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By *ilkenWoman
over a year ago
Manchester |
"A number of times I have been having light conversation with a newbie. Making them aware of the likely quantity and content of the messages they'll encounter.
Trying to ensure they don't get overwhelmed and run away.
Just happened again. She said having a friend would be good. Exchanged pics. Being cautious I didn't send friend invite, as cocks can offend those of a nervous disposition. haha.
Hour later she's left the site.
I'd be interested in the woman's perspective on what would provoke a bid for freedom?"
Maybe your horror stories are making them delete? |
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"A number of times I have been having light conversation with a newbie. Making them aware of the likely quantity and content of the messages they'll encounter.
Trying to ensure they don't get overwhelmed and run away.
Just happened again. She said having a friend would be good. Exchanged pics. Being cautious I didn't send friend invite, as cocks can offend those of a nervous disposition. haha.
Hour later she's left the site.
I'd be interested in the woman's perspective on what would provoke a bid for freedom?"
Probably overwhelmed with 100s of messages just like yours, which comes across as territory marking masquerading as, for want of a better word, helping her "acclimatise". |
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I have to say I felt very overwhelmed at first as I was getting about 40-50 msgs a day, I've been offered money for unprotected sex (big alarm bells), had msgs that just say "wanna f**k", been harassed and abused after speaking to a fellow female FABber I am now very picky and use the block button if I need to without feeling like a bitch |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I have to say I felt very overwhelmed at first as I was getting about 40-50 msgs a day, I've been offered money for unprotected sex (big alarm bells), had msgs that just say "wanna f**k", been harassed and abused after speaking to a fellow female FABber I am now very picky and use the block button if I need to without feeling like a bitch "
A couple of my female friends experienced the same thing. They never bothered coming back though. They didn't even get to setting filters or putting up pics before being aggressively bombarded by men and couples. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This isn’t a dig at you OP, but you say that a “number of times you’re having a conversation with a newbie” trying to help them not get overwhelmed etc
To me this reads like you’re just another guy hitting a newbies inbox the moment they sign up! And trust me you won’t be the first to tell them that the other guys are scoundrels but stick with the likes of me and you’ll be fine!
They hear it all the time!
I expect they get overwhelmed and realise that the site isn’t for them, filters are there and it’s made explicit when people sign up for the first time.
The best way, in my humble opinion, to help a newbie out is to just leave them for a while until they’ve settled in and have sussed how the site works for themselves! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i never message a new member, or accept mail from new members.
I remember years ago when we hadn’t our very first ffm, the women left the site a week later cause of the amount of messages she was getting, we all like a little attention in our inbox but i’m guessing some women get overwhelmed and stressed out over replying to them all. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"This isn’t a dig at you OP, but you say that a “number of times you’re having a conversation with a newbie” trying to help them not get overwhelmed etc
To me this reads like you’re just another guy hitting a newbies inbox the moment they sign up! And trust me you won’t be the first to tell them that the other guys are scoundrels but stick with the likes of me and you’ll be fine!
They hear it all the time!
I expect they get overwhelmed and realise that the site isn’t for them, filters are there and it’s made explicit when people sign up for the first time.
The best way, in my humble opinion, to help a newbie out is to just leave them for a while until they’ve settled in and have sussed how the site works for themselves! "
But they can't leave the newbies alone, someone else may get there first!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This isn’t a dig at you OP, but you say that a “number of times you’re having a conversation with a newbie” trying to help them not get overwhelmed etc
To me this reads like you’re just another guy hitting a newbies inbox the moment they sign up! And trust me you won’t be the first to tell them that the other guys are scoundrels but stick with the likes of me and you’ll be fine!
They hear it all the time!
I expect they get overwhelmed and realise that the site isn’t for them, filters are there and it’s made explicit when people sign up for the first time.
The best way, in my humble opinion, to help a newbie out is to just leave them for a while until they’ve settled in and have sussed how the site works for themselves! "
Absolutely agree.
When I was new this summer it was so overwhelming I left the profile untouched for a week. I had all sorts of messages from graphic to abuse to so called “helpful” guys telling me how many messages I’ll get, how overwhelming it can be, how nasty some guys are and how they can help me out.
Sorry to say OP but your message may just be putting them off just like every other message they’re being sent at the time.
Scaring them off by telling them about the overwhelming amount of messages women get on here isn’t actually helping, it does the opposite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Fuck
Sorry wrong thread xxxxxxxxxxx
Are you alright this morning O Bearded One???  "
Yes as I had rice yesterday and managed to do a nice poo this morning. And you pretty ? |
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"This isn’t a dig at you OP, but you say that a “number of times you’re having a conversation with a newbie” trying to help them not get overwhelmed etc
To me this reads like you’re just another guy hitting a newbies inbox the moment they sign up! And trust me you won’t be the first to tell them that the other guys are scoundrels but stick with the likes of me and you’ll be fine!
They hear it all the time!
I expect they get overwhelmed and realise that the site isn’t for them, filters are there and it’s made explicit when people sign up for the first time.
The best way, in my humble opinion, to help a newbie out is to just leave them for a while until they’ve settled in and have sussed how the site works for themselves! "
This! |
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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago
the right frame of mind -London |
"A number of times I have been having light conversation with a newbie. Making them aware of the likely quantity and content of the messages they'll encounter."
Oh this is amusing. So sage /oracle of fab -what might these be then? |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
"This isn’t a dig at you OP, but you say that a “number of times you’re having a conversation with a newbie” trying to help them not get overwhelmed etc
To me this reads like you’re just another guy hitting a newbies inbox the moment they sign up! And trust me you won’t be the first to tell them that the other guys are scoundrels but stick with the likes of me and you’ll be fine!
They hear it all the time!
I expect they get overwhelmed and realise that the site isn’t for them, filters are there and it’s made explicit when people sign up for the first time.
The best way, in my humble opinion, to help a newbie out is to just leave them for a while until they’ve settled in and have sussed how the site works for themselves! "
I know what you mean. Like the traveller at the pyramids who bemoans the damage due to tourism.
I know im adding to the problem but i say hide your profile for a while, especially if you're rarely on here. Stealth browsing and most importantly sex and age filters.
I genuinely want them to find the person they deserve and i know its not me at double their age and often too far away.
Doing a public service lol
Sadly, the reason for aggressive messaging is that it works. Newbies can be guilted into responding. Also the block button is absolutely guilt free and they're welcome to block me too as being unsuitable.
I know there's no moral high ground here but have been trying to find a slight blister on the landscape. |
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By *illen5 OP Man
over a year ago
Bath |
"A number of times I have been having light conversation with a newbie. Making them aware of the likely quantity and content of the messages they'll encounter.
Oh this is amusing. So sage /oracle of fab -what might these be then?"
Presume this is rhetorical.
You only have to read fem profiles to realise the general content.
We dont do ourselves any favours with "sit on this" plus cock pic
I genuinely dont know why we do it. It must work for some??
Perhaps limit to profiles with names like hoarespunkbucket?
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