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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this just another version of Bigamy or am I barking up the wrong tree "
Totally the wrong tree bigamy is the illegal act of marrying someone whilst already being married.
Polyamoury is the idea that we can love more than one person at the time and not detract from any relationships that you have.
It is an ethical form of non monogamy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this just another version of Bigamy or am I barking up the wrong tree "
There was a drama on the bbc earlier this year called Wanderlust that kind of explored the themes of it..
Also louis Theroux did a programme about it last week..
Sounds like you need educating  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m quite into the idea of poly life!
It's a great lifestyle but has its own problems and issues like any relationships etc "
What would you class as the highs, and what would you class as the lows? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m quite into the idea of poly life!
It's a great lifestyle but has its own problems and issues like any relationships etc
What would you class as the highs, and what would you class as the lows? "
The highs are having more than one person in your life that loves you for being you XX
I think the hardest part is at the start when one of you meets someone new. There is a thing called NRE or new relationship energy so slot of the focus at the start is on the new partner.
This can be difficult for the existing partner but as long as communication is there it settles down.
Also time is always going to be a factor. There is only a limited amount of time to go around x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m quite into the idea of poly life!
It's a great lifestyle but has its own problems and issues like any relationships etc
What would you class as the highs, and what would you class as the lows?
The highs are having more than one person in your life that loves you for being you XX
I think the hardest part is at the start when one of you meets someone new. There is a thing called NRE or new relationship energy so slot of the focus at the start is on the new partner.
This can be difficult for the existing partner but as long as communication is there it settles down.
Also time is always going to be a factor. There is only a limited amount of time to go around x"
Yeah I bet that NRE can be hard. That’s when the other partner needs a distraction for a while I guess! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m quite into the idea of poly life!
It's a great lifestyle but has its own problems and issues like any relationships etc
What would you class as the highs, and what would you class as the lows?
The highs are having more than one person in your life that loves you for being you XX
I think the hardest part is at the start when one of you meets someone new. There is a thing called NRE or new relationship energy so slot of the focus at the start is on the new partner.
This can be difficult for the existing partner but as long as communication is there it settles down.
Also time is always going to be a factor. There is only a limited amount of time to go around x
Yeah I bet that NRE can be hard. That’s when the other partner needs a distraction for a while I guess! "
Yes indeed in the perfect world you would both be in a new relationship at the same time but that never happens lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Now I know that not everyone on here either gets/interested/agrees with the Poly life style and i get that and its totally okay as its down to choice in the end.
But what I have found is this lifestyle opens up the experiences and dynamics to people that may start them considering if poly maybe something worth exploring.
Just think of the complex dynamic that indivduals have in their lives be or those that are exploring the many sides to BDSM or those exploring their sexuallity. As hopefully most of these dynamics are based on emotional connect thet could be seen as poly even if there is not a sexual relationship.
In fact this was something Boo and myself where discussing a few nights ago.
I have been asked a number of times about the benefits and negatives of living a poly lifestyle. Now I am not saying I am the guru of all knowledge but i have had both good and bad experiences of poly and wanted to share what I have learnt.
Let’s start off with all the good parts of Polyamory. Now these may not be in all oly relationships but is generally what I have found.
1. Open Communication
For poly to work you must have amazing two way communication skills.
Poly households need to be able to discuss alot of difficult topics. You need to discuss your relationship dynamics, comfort levels and jealousy. You need to discuss your boundaries and your emotions, which is a great exercise of communication. It can really let you open up about your desires and feelings and learn about the needs of your partner or partners.
2. Cheating/affairs
If you’re open to each other, then you get to be intimate with other people without the damage cheating/affairs can have on a couple. Now i am not saying it can not occur as if couples have set boundaries to their poly relationship and these are broken then cheating can occur.
3. Exploring different dynamics and sexuallity.
Being intimate with more than one person can lead to you being able to exlore all sides of you kink dynamics and your sexuality. It also means that you have more than 1 person to share your life eith opening up an enviroment thar allows you to explore more facets of life. You share lives not just sex.
4. Support and personal growth
The more people you have close to you, the more loving support you hace within your life. This can include additional emotional support, physical support and practical support.
There is a Polyamory theory that the more you are loved, the more you are able to accept love, which in turn makes you a better support system for those around you. That can’t be a bad thing can it ?
So now lets look at some of the negatives that come with a pily lifestyle.
1. Jealousy
Now this is one I always struggled with, i have never really felt or understood jealousy and its something I have had to learn to deal with in others.
At one point i was very silly to assume well your poly you should not be jealous. But thats not true I now understand that people can be in a poly relationship and be jealous. Its how they deal with the jealousy that is the key factor.
In order for the relationships to be successful, you need to be comfortable talking about jealousy and finding ways to solve issues. Ifyou dont do that like in any monogamous relationship it can tear the relationship apart and leave a sea of broken hearts.
2. Juggling time.
Life can get really busy, so making sure everyone gets time is a must. And to be honest this is one of the hardest parts of being poly. I always joke that this is easy fir me as I have a Boo, and she is the Poly PA for the house od pest lol.
But you have to keep in mind sometimes its possible that one person may need more attention than the other, and there needs to be a way to balance everything so no one gets left out.
To be honest normally fir us its the core relationship of Boo and Me that sacrifice time to make sure everyone gets the time they need.
3. The stigma
Polyamory is not widely socially acceptable. I have had people say to me in the past that I can not love Boo if I have someone else. That its really just fucking around, that im cheatimg and Boo can not be accepting of this behaviour. Its seen in a bad light by many. So in many poly groups its kept secret from their friends and family.
4. Baggage
If you are not in a good point in your core relationship and you are trying poly to try and fix your issues then its not going to work. The core has to be strong for poly to work or you end up with unhappy partners. Also the core is taking on the baggage that comes with most people now over the age of 20 lol. This canput strain on the other relationship specially in the early stages
5. The ugly
Poly will always be used by those that are hidding their lifestyle from their partners as an excuse to screw around. This is not poly this is not open relationship this cheating .
Now the above is just a general observation from myself and my poly journey. Now what I can say is that i have met some wonderful people and experienced alot of life adventures with them. I have learnt alot about myself as well, there has also been heartbreak, tears and alot of stress on the way but I will stand by my poly lifesyle and look forward to all it brings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The worst thing I've found about Poly is resistance from friends, family and general society. People are judgy. Because poly is about relationships, not just sex, it's harder to do it discretely. Ideally you don't want to have to hide it.
I was watching a tv program about some poly Mormons and one of the guys said what he can't get his head round is that it would be perfectly legal for him to have a wife, and a mistress and to be keeping them a secret from each other. But to love two women and claim both of them as your wife makes you a criminal. I tend to agree. |
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