FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Attention seeking ...........
Attention seeking ...........
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Why is attention seeking so often seen as a bad thing on here? What's wrong with wanting to feel good about ourselves?
A compliment or a pic Fabbed etc usually makes people feel good.
People are often told to appreciate/ love themselves more.
Yet when they do something to boost their ego and make them feel good they're often slagged off for it.
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"Why is attention seeking so often seen as a bad thing on here? What's wrong with wanting to feel good about ourselves?
A compliment or a pic Fabbed etc usually makes people feel good.
People are often told to appreciate/ love themselves more.
Yet when they do something to boost their ego and make them feel good they're often slagged off for it.
"
I love my pics being fabbed |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes nagative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps because inherently many people are insecure and don’t like seeing others get attention or doing well?
I think sometimes it pricks their jealousy bone and they try to bring them back down.
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"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes negative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think. "
Agreed.
What gets me is when people put up loads of pics then whine about getting too much attention.
ffs, put up filters, or accept you're going to get a lot of response. The following "I get too many messages" sounds like an attention seeking bragging thing, not enjoying the fabs on them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes nagative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think. "
Good point.
Where's the line? If I feel crap and need a boost is that ok? Or is it like when I need a boost every hour of every day? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Perhaps because inherently many people are insecure and don’t like seeing others get attention or doing well?
I think sometimes it pricks their jealousy bone and they try to bring them back down.
"
Yeah good point.
'Pricking the jealousy bone' made me twitch!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you shamelessly change your location to get your photos Fabbed, that’s when it’s just laughable.
Shut up  "
I’m honoured, a page one stunner has replied and quoted me  |
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"Why is attention seeking so often seen as a bad thing on here? "
I guess because it is often based in emotional dysfunction or even personality disorder, and that's an easy target for someone bitter.
But there's a saying 'What's good for the ego is bad for the soul' and I think that is often true, one is 'fed' at the expense of the other. |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes nagative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think.
Good point.
Where's the line? If I feel crap and need a boost is that ok? Or is it like when I need a boost every hour of every day? "
I think if it’s something you ‘need’ then that is the line. It’s nice to have a boost but if you need a boost and don’t remember receive it, then what? |
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I think everyone has their limits though in terms of how you tolerate attention seeking. If I'm wrong on this please feel free to say. I enjoy healthy debate
For me, my limits are often tested by the means people employ to get attention.
If its nasty and at someone's expense, that's enough for me to block someone. If it's very deliberately disruptive, same.
Others can just be incredibly tedious. One word comments and/or emojis across every thread to draw attention to a new pic. Not bad enough to block... But usually gets a sigh and an eyeroll.
Others I find wonderfully inventive and giggle-worthy, and actually enjoy seeing what they come up with next! 
I tend to only start a thread if my curiosity is piqued... Either by something I've read, or stories shared, etc... If I'm grabbing people's attention, I like to at least make it worth their while  but that's not to say I won't start a daft Yawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn thread out of sheer boredom some night or offer a Snog/pint/wedgie if I'm in a playful mood
Grabbing the attention of someone you fancy in the process?? Well that's the icing on the cake isn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think everyone has their limits though in terms of how you tolerate attention seeking. If I'm wrong on this please feel free to say. I enjoy healthy debate
For me, my limits are often tested by the means people employ to get attention.
If its nasty and at someone's expense, that's enough for me to block someone. If it's very deliberately disruptive, same.
Others can just be incredibly tedious. One word comments and/or emojis across every thread to draw attention to a new pic. Not bad enough to block... But usually gets a sigh and an eyeroll.
Others I find wonderfully inventive and giggle-worthy, and actually enjoy seeing what they come up with next!
I tend to only start a thread if my curiosity is piqued... Either by something I've read, or stories shared, etc... If I'm grabbing people's attention, I like to at least make it worth their while but that's not to say I won't start a daft Yawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn thread out of sheer boredom some night or offer a Snog/pint/wedgie if I'm in a playful mood
Grabbing the attention of someone you fancy in the process?? Well that's the icing on the cake isn't it? "
Has anyone said your eyes are like deep wells of desire before ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes negative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think.
Agreed.
What gets me is when people put up loads of pics then whine about getting too much attention.
ffs, put up filters, or accept you're going to get a lot of response. The following "I get too many messages" sounds like an attention seeking bragging thing, not enjoying the fabs on them."
This, agree about the needy attention seeking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes negative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think.
Agreed.
What gets me is when people put up loads of pics then whine about getting too much attention.
ffs, put up filters, or accept you're going to get a lot of response. The following "I get too many messages" sounds like an attention seeking bragging thing, not enjoying the fabs on them."
I reckon so |
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"Are the people against it, jealous of the ones who find attention easily because they can't  "
Easily? From what I can see, some work damn bloody hard at getting it! New status updates on the hour, location hopping, posting on every thread, across every forum, accepting every friend request, replying to thousands of messages and winks because they don't use preference filters, remembering to remove fabs they'd previously given to other peoples photos once they've been fabbed back...
Bloody hell.... It must be like having a second job  |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes nagative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think.
Good point.
Where's the line? If I feel crap and need a boost is that ok? Or is it like when I need a boost every hour of every day?
I think if it’s something you ‘need’ then that is the line. It’s nice to have a boost but if you need a boost and don’t remember receive it, then what? "
Good lord! What happened there?
It should say if you don’t receive it then what |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes negative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think.
Agreed.
What gets me is when people put up loads of pics then whine about getting too much attention.
ffs, put up filters, or accept you're going to get a lot of response. The following "I get too many messages" sounds like an attention seeking bragging thing, not enjoying the fabs on them."
it's called posturing |
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"I think everyone has their limits though in terms of how you tolerate attention seeking. If I'm wrong on this please feel free to say. I enjoy healthy debate
For me, my limits are often tested by the means people employ to get attention.
If its nasty and at someone's expense, that's enough for me to block someone. If it's very deliberately disruptive, same.
Others can just be incredibly tedious. One word comments and/or emojis across every thread to draw attention to a new pic. Not bad enough to block... But usually gets a sigh and an eyeroll.
Others I find wonderfully inventive and giggle-worthy, and actually enjoy seeing what they come up with next!
I tend to only start a thread if my curiosity is piqued... Either by something I've read, or stories shared, etc... If I'm grabbing people's attention, I like to at least make it worth their while but that's not to say I won't start a daft Yawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn thread out of sheer boredom some night or offer a Snog/pint/wedgie if I'm in a playful mood
Grabbing the attention of someone you fancy in the process?? Well that's the icing on the cake isn't it?
Has anyone said your eyes are like deep wells of desire before ? "
Sounds familiar... Was it Wordsworth?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we would all like attention to varying degrees and I don't think that's too bad but what I don't like is when it's "Faux Self Depreciation", you know the one who constantly post things like "no one wants to have sex with me or I'm all dressed up and my meet has let me down, what to do?" types!  |
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Surely this whole site is based on attention seeking?
Be that someone seeking approbation via a fuck, or fucks?
By posting and updating public pictures?
Displaying veries?
Updating statuses?
Posting on the forums?
Fabbing and being fabbed?
Anyone claiming they aren't on here attention seeking on at least some level is kidding themselves.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think everyone has their limits though in terms of how you tolerate attention seeking. If I'm wrong on this please feel free to say. I enjoy healthy debate
For me, my limits are often tested by the means people employ to get attention.
If its nasty and at someone's expense, that's enough for me to block someone. If it's very deliberately disruptive, same.
Others can just be incredibly tedious. One word comments and/or emojis across every thread to draw attention to a new pic. Not bad enough to block... But usually gets a sigh and an eyeroll.
Others I find wonderfully inventive and giggle-worthy, and actually enjoy seeing what they come up with next!
I tend to only start a thread if my curiosity is piqued... Either by something I've read, or stories shared, etc... If I'm grabbing people's attention, I like to at least make it worth their while but that's not to say I won't start a daft Yawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn thread out of sheer boredom some night or offer a Snog/pint/wedgie if I'm in a playful mood
Grabbing the attention of someone you fancy in the process?? Well that's the icing on the cake isn't it?
Has anyone said your eyes are like deep wells of desire before ?
Sounds familiar... Was it Wordsworth?? "
INXS but close |
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We are all different, but I do find it odd the constant need for validation from total strangers displayed by some. Asking to be rated on (insert any body part) then disappearing for weeks to resurface with a "had to take a break from the forums due to negative comments about my (insert any body part) very needy...and pathetic if I'm honest.
Who doesn't like a compliment? I prefer unsolicited. The other half never bought me flowers. I mentioned it in passing as a character in a film we were watching gave his partner a massive bunch.
He couldn't understand why I wasn't as excited as he expected when he turned up with a bunch the next day. He's one of the smartest people I know yet he didn't get it.
I would view solicited comments in the same way: meaningless, but each to their own. |
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"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes nagative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think. "
|
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
I find it amusing but equally sad at the same time.
Of course everyone likes a little attention but it’s the need for constant validation and the lengths that some will go to in order to get it that makes the difference.
Lex |
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"When you shamelessly change your location to get your photos Fabbed, that’s when it’s just laughable. "
Is that why we don’t get our photos fabbed? Because Planet Ork doesn’t show on anyone’s search list! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I didn’t shamelessly attention seek no bugger would ever meet me off here, isn’t that the whole purpose of the site?
You have to play the game if you want to win it! |
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"When you shamelessly change your location to get your photos Fabbed, that’s when it’s just laughable. "
I didn’t even know that was a thing until Moriarty mentioned it a few weeks ago! Now I’m kicking myself thinking of all the fabs I may have missed out on! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
As others have said we're all here to seek attention at some level, otherwise for most there'd be no point in being here, it's how we go about seeking it that is the key.
Just getting on quietly with our Fab business and taking the attention as it comes is one thing - using "tactics" to actively seek it out is quite different and those "tactics" can take on many forms - from constant needy status updates to the reverse psychology "I'll just sit here unnoticed in the corner" type posts.
Does it bother me that people do things like that? No. Does it make me roll my eyes a little? Yes!! |
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"As others have said we're all here to seek attention at some level, otherwise for most there'd be no point in being here, it's how we go about seeking it that is the key.
Just getting on quietly with our Fab business and taking the attention as it comes is one thing - using "tactics" to actively seek it out is quite different and those "tactics" can take on many forms - from constant needy status updates to the reverse psychology "I'll just sit here unnoticed in the corner" type posts.
Does it bother me that people do things like that? No. Does it make me roll my eyes a little? Yes!!"
Aw you poor love! I must’ve given you cause for many an eye roll then! |
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"If I didn’t shamelessly attention seek no bugger would ever meet me off here, isn’t that the whole purpose of the site?
You have to play the game if you want to win it! "
Oh hello... Are you new? 
|
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"As others have said we're all here to seek attention at some level, otherwise for most there'd be no point in being here, it's how we go about seeking it that is the key.
Just getting on quietly with our Fab business and taking the attention as it comes is one thing - using "tactics" to actively seek it out is quite different and those "tactics" can take on many forms - from constant needy status updates to the reverse psychology "I'll just sit here unnoticed in the corner" type posts.
Does it bother me that people do things like that? No. Does it make me roll my eyes a little? Yes!!"
I actually agree with GM . There are different types of it. Yeah, I eye roll but meh, they can crack on (and they do!), it doesn't really affect me. |
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It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
"
Good point - they probably find them an easier target. I think women seeking relationships probably are too, we are looking to connect and can be taken in by those offering that sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
"
Absolutely agree with this 100%
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
Almost everyone on here is seeking attention in some way, I see no need to be critical of how others do it just because it's different to how you might do it yourself. Some use the fabbed pictures route, others start lots of threads, some use the cams ect ect ect. I don't see any as more valid than another it's just what works for each person. |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
"When you shamelessly change your location to get your photos Fabbed, that’s when it’s just laughable.
I didn’t even know that was a thing until Moriarty mentioned it a few weeks ago! Now I’m kicking myself thinking of all the fabs I may have missed out on! "
I'm not just a pretty face |
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"Almost everyone on here is seeking attention in some way, I see no need to be critical of how others do it just because it's different to how you might do it yourself. Some use the fabbed pictures route, others start lots of threads, some use the cams ect ect ect. I don't see any as more valid than another it's just what works for each person. "
Agreed sir |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
Good point - they probably find them an easier target. I think women seeking relationships probably are too, we are looking to connect and can be taken in by those offering that sometimes. "
Yes the exploitation of vulnerabilities is wholesale on fab, just as it is in the wider world. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why is attention seeking so often seen as a bad thing on here? What's wrong with wanting to feel good about ourselves?
A compliment or a pic Fabbed etc usually makes people feel good.
People are often told to appreciate/ love themselves more.
Yet when they do something to boost their ego and make them feel good they're often slagged off for it.
"
It's like hotwifing yourself.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never a problem unless like some it's a constant thing.
The people that are always looking for a positive complement over and over to reassure themselves bugs me. But that's just me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting thread. I think it is just part of the human psyche that people like positive attention and social media sites such as facebook and sites like flickr gear themselves in the knowledge that many like and seek attention. Some are just out and out exhibitionist's and you only have to look at the galleries on this site to see the regular hotties posting.
Yes it's nice to get a fab on a photo but for some it's almost taking over their lives. Funny old world we live in.
Now get to my profile and fab all my images!!! |
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"Why is attention seeking so often seen as a bad thing on here? What's wrong with wanting to feel good about ourselves?
A compliment or a pic Fabbed etc usually makes people feel good.
People are often told to appreciate/ love themselves more.
Yet when they do something to boost their ego and make them feel good they're often slagged off for it.
"
It is a particularly British trait to sneer at or knock down success.
Though the “am I ugly when clearly I’m not” threads are lame |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People seek attention for all sorts of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with seeking some sort of attention if you enjoy it. I just feel that it becomes nagative when it becomes ‘needy’. There is a difference I think. "
|
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"Perhaps because inherently many people are insecure and don’t like seeing others get attention or doing well?
I think sometimes it pricks their jealousy bone and they try to bring them back down.
"
Agree. I have this a lot with my family - which is why I've estranged most of them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
"
Yes this. Society builds people up then knocks them down.
|
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
"
I agree. If I like someone and think they need a boost, I'll give one. Male or female. Sometimes folk will ask outright with an 'I need cheering up' type thread, other times it might just be something more subtle you've noticed in a friends posts or conversation. Why wouldn't I want someone I like to feel better? It's just empathy
When folk are confident, I don't feel the need to gild the lily, and depending on how well I know them, or what our history is, I might even indulge in a bit of banter along the 'get over yourself Diva!' lines as long as I know it will be taken in the spirit intended Doesn't mean I won't be there with a kind word when they do need it.
As for that rumour.... It may be true, but then, if (as some have mentioned) women only feign low self esteem to appear humble... They won't fall for it anyway |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Almost everyone on here is seeking attention in some way, I see no need to be critical of how others do it just because it's different to how you might do it yourself. Some use the fabbed pictures route, others start lots of threads, some use the cams ect ect ect. I don't see any as more valid than another it's just what works for each person. "
I know damn fine how to get more traffic to my profile. And how what I do changes the type of traffic I get. And how to stop the traffic dead.
If people didn't want attention why be on here? And why get annoyed at other people that also want attention.
I wonder if the ones that get most annoyed are feeling guilty at wanting attention themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why is attention seeking so often seen as a bad thing on here? What's wrong with wanting to feel good about ourselves?
A compliment or a pic Fabbed etc usually makes people feel good.
People are often told to appreciate/ love themselves more.
Yet when they do something to boost their ego and make them feel good they're often slagged off for it.
It's like hotwifing yourself. "
What do you mean? It's weekend and my brain isn't working, sorry. |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
I agree. If I like someone and think they need a boost, I'll give one. Male or female. Sometimes folk will ask outright with an 'I need cheering up' type thread, other times it might just be something more subtle you've noticed in a friends posts or conversation. Why wouldn't I want someone I like to feel better? It's just empathy
When folk are confident, I don't feel the need to gild the lily, and depending on how well I know them, or what our history is, I might even indulge in a bit of banter along the 'get over yourself Diva!' lines as long as I know it will be taken in the spirit intended Doesn't mean I won't be there with a kind word when they do need it.
As for that rumour.... It may be true, but then, if (as some have mentioned) women only feign low self esteem to appear humble... They won't fall for it anyway "
Why do you feel that positive reinforcement towards confident people is guilding the lily?
Some women feign low self esteem but as your previous thread indicated many genuinely feel they aren't good enough.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
I agree. If I like someone and think they need a boost, I'll give one. Male or female. Sometimes folk will ask outright with an 'I need cheering up' type thread, other times it might just be something more subtle you've noticed in a friends posts or conversation. Why wouldn't I want someone I like to feel better? It's just empathy
When folk are confident, I don't feel the need to gild the lily, and depending on how well I know them, or what our history is, I might even indulge in a bit of banter along the 'get over yourself Diva!' lines as long as I know it will be taken in the spirit intended Doesn't mean I won't be there with a kind word when they do need it.
As for that rumour.... It may be true, but then, if (as some have mentioned) women only feign low self esteem to appear humble... They won't fall for it anyway "
I agree with your point about how to approach someone. I was feeling really bad recently so I mailed a good mate who I knew would tell me to stop being a twat/ drama queen. It was what I needed at that time.
And sometimes a 'random out of the blue' pm (maybe off the back of a thread where they realised between the lines that it was a sad time) gives an amazing virtual hug. There's a few people on this thread that have boosted me over the months/ years and they won't realise it but I'm very grateful. And if people think that makes me needy I'm ok with that. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"As others have said we're all here to seek attention at some level, otherwise for most there'd be no point in being here, it's how we go about seeking it that is the key.
Just getting on quietly with our Fab business and taking the attention as it comes is one thing - using "tactics" to actively seek it out is quite different and those "tactics" can take on many forms - from constant needy status updates to the reverse psychology "I'll just sit here unnoticed in the corner" type posts.
Does it bother me that people do things like that? No. Does it make me roll my eyes a little? Yes!!
I actually agree with GM . There are different types of it. Yeah, I eye roll but meh, they can crack on (and they do!), it doesn't really affect me."
Blimey!!
And exactly - doesn't affect me one jot so doesn't bother me but amuses me in an eye rolly way - especially when someone thinks I'd pay them any attention anyway because of it |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
I agree. If I like someone and think they need a boost, I'll give one. Male or female. Sometimes folk will ask outright with an 'I need cheering up' type thread, other times it might just be something more subtle you've noticed in a friends posts or conversation. Why wouldn't I want someone I like to feel better? It's just empathy
When folk are confident, I don't feel the need to gild the lily, and depending on how well I know them, or what our history is, I might even indulge in a bit of banter along the 'get over yourself Diva!' lines as long as I know it will be taken in the spirit intended Doesn't mean I won't be there with a kind word when they do need it.
As for that rumour.... It may be true, but then, if (as some have mentioned) women only feign low self esteem to appear humble... They won't fall for it anyway
Why do you feel that positive reinforcement towards confident people is guilding the lily? "
Someone feeling confident won't need my approbation, I may still compliment them on a new pic or an interesting choice of thread topic, but that's based more on mutual taste than empathy.
" Some women feign low self esteem but as your previous thread indicated many genuinely feel they aren't good enough.
"
Very true, and hopefully some feel better after reading that others feel or felt the same way at some point. I was surprised myself by the amount of people who responded saying they identified with my musings in the OP. And hand on heart I don't think anyone who posted on it saying that they did, expected anything from it other than to add their voice to the conversation. Some even mailed me to thank me for raising the issue as they felt it had really helped them.
Others were less pleasant, but that's forum life |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
I agree. If I like someone and think they need a boost, I'll give one. Male or female. Sometimes folk will ask outright with an 'I need cheering up' type thread, other times it might just be something more subtle you've noticed in a friends posts or conversation. Why wouldn't I want someone I like to feel better? It's just empathy
When folk are confident, I don't feel the need to gild the lily, and depending on how well I know them, or what our history is, I might even indulge in a bit of banter along the 'get over yourself Diva!' lines as long as I know it will be taken in the spirit intended Doesn't mean I won't be there with a kind word when they do need it.
As for that rumour.... It may be true, but then, if (as some have mentioned) women only feign low self esteem to appear humble... They won't fall for it anyway
I agree with your point about how to approach someone. I was feeling really bad recently so I mailed a good mate who I knew would tell me to stop being a twat/ drama queen. It was what I needed at that time.
And sometimes a 'random out of the blue' pm (maybe off the back of a thread where they realised between the lines that it was a sad time) gives an amazing virtual hug. There's a few people on this thread that have boosted me over the months/ years and they won't realise it but I'm very grateful. And if people think that makes me needy I'm ok with that. "
Virtual hugs can be felt
I've some good friends here too that I know I can say I'm having a crappy day to and they'll make me smile. They're lovely  and I'm very grateful |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
I agree. If I like someone and think they need a boost, I'll give one. Male or female. Sometimes folk will ask outright with an 'I need cheering up' type thread, other times it might just be something more subtle you've noticed in a friends posts or conversation. Why wouldn't I want someone I like to feel better? It's just empathy
When folk are confident, I don't feel the need to gild the lily, and depending on how well I know them, or what our history is, I might even indulge in a bit of banter along the 'get over yourself Diva!' lines as long as I know it will be taken in the spirit intended Doesn't mean I won't be there with a kind word when they do need it.
As for that rumour.... It may be true, but then, if (as some have mentioned) women only feign low self esteem to appear humble... They won't fall for it anyway
Why do you feel that positive reinforcement towards confident people is guilding the lily?
Someone feeling confident won't need my approbation, I may still compliment them on a new pic or an interesting choice of thread topic, but that's based more on mutual taste than empathy.
"
That's an interesting point of view. |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
Good point - they probably find them an easier target. I think women seeking relationships probably are too, we are looking to connect and can be taken in by those offering that sometimes.
Yes the exploitation of vulnerabilities is wholesale on fab, just as it is in the wider world."
Absolutely! That’s why, I think, there’s a massive difference in the reception that new women and new chaps get on here!
When I first joined fab I received a ridiculous number of messages before I even had a decent profile - all hoping to ‘get in there’ before I realised just how many hot/great guys there are out there and the huge choice ladies have!
With guys it tends to be the opposite - most women aren’t interested until they’ve proved themselves genuine etc via verification! X |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
Good point - they probably find them an easier target. I think women seeking relationships probably are too, we are looking to connect and can be taken in by those offering that sometimes.
Yes the exploitation of vulnerabilities is wholesale on fab, just as it is in the wider world.
Absolutely! That’s why, I think, there’s a massive difference in the reception that new women and new chaps get on here!
When I first joined fab I received a ridiculous number of messages before I even had a decent profile - all hoping to ‘get in there’ before I realised just how many hot/great guys there are out there and the huge choice ladies have!
With guys it tends to be the opposite - most women aren’t interested until they’ve proved themselves genuine etc via verification! X"
A new and inexperienced young man posting in the forum gets ridiculed, patronised and hounded out. A new and inexperienced young woman however... |
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By *lsieWoman
over a year ago
where ever |
"Why is attention seeking so often seen as a bad thing on here? What's wrong with wanting to feel good about ourselves?
A compliment or a pic Fabbed etc usually makes people feel good.
People are often told to appreciate/ love themselves more.
Yet when they do something to boost their ego and make them feel good they're often slagged off for it.
"
|
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
"
I love you two! |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
I love you two! "
See, I appreciate a genuine remark like that from someone who doesn't scatter compliments like confetti.
We love you too consistent and honest |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
I love you two!
See, I appreciate a genuine remark like that from someone who doesn't scatter compliments like confetti.
We love you too consistent and honest "
Aww shucks... |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
I love you two!
See, I appreciate a genuine remark like that from someone who doesn't scatter compliments like confetti.
We love you too consistent and honest
Aww shucks... "
Ok, enough already, back to the bitchin' |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
Good point - they probably find them an easier target. I think women seeking relationships probably are too, we are looking to connect and can be taken in by those offering that sometimes.
Yes the exploitation of vulnerabilities is wholesale on fab, just as it is in the wider world.
Absolutely! That’s why, I think, there’s a massive difference in the reception that new women and new chaps get on here!
When I first joined fab I received a ridiculous number of messages before I even had a decent profile - all hoping to ‘get in there’ before I realised just how many hot/great guys there are out there and the huge choice ladies have!
With guys it tends to be the opposite - most women aren’t interested until they’ve proved themselves genuine etc via verification! X
A new and inexperienced young man posting in the forum gets ridiculed, patronised and hounded out. A new and inexperienced young woman however..."
I disagree. My initial experiences on the forum were, on balance, more unpleasant than pleasant. There were people of both sexes who were nice and welcoming, with no agenda other than to be nice and welcoming. I'm still good friends with many of them. But there were more who were quite unpleasant. I wasn't young, but I don't think my age had any bearing on it. |
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"It's a funny old world.
I'm willing to bet that if I posted a thread saying "I'm a confident woman secure in her looks and ability to attract men" I'd either get no responses or loads of people saying "alright love, you're not all that and you're a bit up yourself".
However if I posted "my husband says I'm lovely but I think I'm too old and my body isn't what it used to be" I'd be told how gorgeous I am, how anybody would be lucky to meet us and if they didn't it was their loss.
Positive attention on fab forums is usually given where it's deemed to be needed most either in terms of boosting confidence or boosting chances of being fucked. Which makes me wonder if there is any truth in the rumour that some men who want to get laid will approach women with low self esteem more readily than one with high self esteem...
Good point - they probably find them an easier target. I think women seeking relationships probably are too, we are looking to connect and can be taken in by those offering that sometimes.
Yes the exploitation of vulnerabilities is wholesale on fab, just as it is in the wider world.
Absolutely! That’s why, I think, there’s a massive difference in the reception that new women and new chaps get on here!
When I first joined fab I received a ridiculous number of messages before I even had a decent profile - all hoping to ‘get in there’ before I realised just how many hot/great guys there are out there and the huge choice ladies have!
With guys it tends to be the opposite - most women aren’t interested until they’ve proved themselves genuine etc via verification! X
A new and inexperienced young man posting in the forum gets ridiculed, patronised and hounded out. A new and inexperienced young woman however...
I disagree. My initial experiences on the forum were, on balance, more unpleasant than pleasant. There were people of both sexes who were nice and welcoming, with no agenda other than to be nice and welcoming. I'm still good friends with many of them. But there were more who were quite unpleasant. I wasn't young, but I don't think my age had any bearing on it."
I'm sorry to hear that was your experience. |
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