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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has a stock-market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. “Just how do you guys do it?” asks Maureen.

“Pretty much the way you do,” responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He’s got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

I don’t think this is going to work,” says Maureen. “Why?” he asks, “What’s the matter?” “Well,” she replies, “It’s just not long enough to reach me!”

“No problem,” he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it’s quite impressively long.

“Well,” she says, “That’s quite impressive, but it’s still pretty narrow…”

“No problem,” he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

“Wow!” she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks “Well, was it any good?” “I hate to say it,” says Maureen, “but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?”

“It was horrible,” he replies. “All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.”

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By *onnaluvdollTV/TS  over a year ago

cork

Donald trump

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By *rozacMan  over a year ago

london

Being a waiter may not be a glamorous job, but at least it puts food on the table.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Q: What do you call a lesbian driving a Ford transit full of dildos?

A: Dick Van Dyke

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

What goes black pink black pink black pink white a gorilla having a wank

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I was walking the dog through farmland the other day and seen what looked like a scarecrow wanking.

I thought that fuckers clutching at straws.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Saw a man walking round and round a graveyard with a gravestone on his head

I thought. He's lost the fooking plot

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By *udistnorthantsMan  over a year ago

Desborough

Lady goes into the Doctor's and says, "Doctor my Vagina keeps asking for a second Brexit Referendum."

Doctor says,"Yes a lot of cunts have been asking for that."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I was seeing a hotty, gets so wet. I really like Bev Ridge.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

My mate overdosed on heartburn medicine. I can't believe Gav is gon

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

id give my left arm to be ambidextrous

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By *asilForty77Man  over a year ago

a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road

I saw a beautiful suicide bomber the other day she was drop dead gorgeous she jihad me

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By *apmanMan  over a year ago

Harpenden

What you don't want the nurse to say just after you've had a prostate exam.

`The doctor will be along in a minute. Who was that?`

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