FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Ladies... Have you ever...? Part 2
Ladies... Have you ever...? Part 2
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I didn't get to reply to everyone on the original thread, and I really want to, so please bear with me while I do so.
For late arrivals, the original thread is well worth a read and I hope that most are heartened by the comments and take something positive away from it.
Thanks again to everyone who posted for their views! It's been very insightful   |
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" "If I didn't message people who I think are too hot for me then I wouldn't message anyone. If I get a reply then the vast majority my initial feeling is confirmed. Doesn't stop me from trying though. So ladies, I would say carpe diem. You are all gorgeous and special. Don't let anyone tell you or make you feel differently.
Do you always assume 'not hot enough' if someone doesn't reply? What if they felt not hot enough for you!?! "
I tried to pm. This as I didn't want it to seem like a cry for sympathy or whatever. Anyway.
It's not an assumption. They tell me in the message they send. Not always in those words and some more politely than others. Maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's an unhealthy dose of realism but I haven't come across anyone who would say I am too hot for them. I am what I am. Like me or loath me. I am. Comfortable with all of it. Xxx great thread BTW. "
I haven't viewed anyone's comments as a cry for sympathy. I've enjoyed reading the comments and hearing people's insights. I think few would view themselves as too hot for anyone, it seems the opposite is true in most cases. Everyone's opinion is valid regardless. Its good to hear that you're comfortable with your experiences and that you've found them to be positive... Keep it up! |
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" "If I understand this correctly a lot of women will only meet men who they feel aren't as attractive as some others. That must make their previous meets feel a bit insulted. Aren't they saying "I don't feel good enough for the really good-looking men so you'll do"?
I don't think that's it really... Some may just need to be coaxed a little more than others. Attraction is attraction. You won't meet someone you don't really fancy, and if someone shows genuine interest and maintains regular contact, any doubts may be cast aside. Nobody settles
May be but I think it's useful for people who endure self doubt, low self esteem or however we term it, to realise how it might make others feel.
If I saw that someone on this thread had met a person that we had verified they would be saying by default that they applied the same low opinion to me that they do to themselves.
I say this in the interests of discussion, nobody on here has met anyone we have I don't think
Would you not also consider the possibility that perhaps they are delighted that someone who met you also met them? It works both ways.
As I said. Attraction is attraction. Would you meet someone you weren't attracted to? Ergo, if you've met someone, you found them attractive! Everyone has their own subtle and unique blend of qualities that makes them attractive to someone else. No 2 people are exactly the same.
I'm hoping everyone will take something positive away from this thread "
no I wouldn't consider that because what I take from this thread is that some people feel they're at a certain level and wont meet unless they feel all previous meets were at that level.. "
Admittedly some have commented along those lines, and perhaps they might post again if anything they've taken from reading others' insights has changed their views.
I do hope that nobody feels the worse for reading anyone's comments as it was intended to be a positive experience for everyone, whatever their opinions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Looked at someone you fancy's veris, noticed they were all from absolutely drop dead gorgeous women, and thought 'ffs... Well he's never going to give me a second glance...', and let an opportunity pass you by?
Inspired in part by another thread, in part by past experience, and also in part by conversations with a lovely female friend (a former member).
It's Friday.. So let's keep it light, but interesting.
"
I missed thread 1.
I've thought this about a gorgeous man with great veris and met for what I thought was a social, because I figured that would be all he wanted. I was pleasantly surprised.  |
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" "Never had that thought. Yes there are loads more attractive, younger, fitter whatever... but that doesn't make me any less attractive. I actually am put off if they've met a lot of what I regard as less attractive women.
As I said to a previous poster, you can't apply your ideals of attraction to someone else, as we all have different things that make someone attractive to us. Your own attraction to someone is the one that counts.
Who says I can't? If I feel that someone will meet just anyone and that puts me off, why can't I apply my own standards? Yes it's my attraction to someone that counts, but if I get an inkling that they are just settling then I'm perfectly within my rights to be put off. "
You can apply your standards to them and choose not to meet them, but you can't force someone to have the same ideals of attraction as you. Everyone is different and has different qualities.
For example, if you preferred redheads would you only meet others who prefer redheads? Would there have to be a particular shade they'd have to agree to? Would you not allow subtleties within their attraction? |
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" "I am not a lady (just in case my hairy torso made you think otherwise), but I experience this feeling all the time. "
totally with you on this one "
Has reading other comments changed your views? |
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" Same...even if their profile says curvy, mature, I think surely not me though
It could say, attracted to J3nny, yes you idiot! And I still wouldn't think it was me. "
Do you think this will change over time? Have you found other comments helpful? |
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" Yup as a single plus size women i always looked to see if all the veris were from skinny women and if they was id not meet.
Even now in a couple if the women of another couple is slim i wont meet..
B "
Would you not consider that body-type isn't necessarily of importance to the person you're meeting? That maybe they enjoy a variety of shapes and forms? It could be that they've only met skinny women because, like you, everyone else has decided they're not his/their type? 
Ps... You look great and seem really friendly... That's attractive! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The last thread was interesting to read some of the posts off both the ladies and men. Some of the ladies I would never have thought felt the same as me, and some of the men’s replies have been very positive.
Has given me food for thought and perhaps the fact I should have more faith in myself x |
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" "I've definitely felt this (still do, to be honest) but have been chuffed to bits when hot men reassure me that they do find me sexy and do want to meet.
When that happens, I feel like a princess and an imposter simultaneously.
So you do give them the opportunity to overcome the barriers you've put around yourself? Well done lady! That's a really good step in the right direction
Ps... You're not an impostor "
And each one of them has showered me with compliments and made me feel wonderful. If only that feeling lasted longer than the meet...."
Ahhh... The post-meet blues. They do kinda suck!! I hope you find your regular meet and can start looking forward with anticipation to the next time after each meet |
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" Looked at someone you fancy's veris, noticed they were all from absolutely drop dead gorgeous women, and thought 'ffs... Well he's never going to give me a second glance...', and let an opportunity pass you by?
Inspired in part by another thread, in part by past experience, and also in part by conversations with a lovely female friend (a former member).
It's Friday.. So let's keep it light, but interesting.
I missed thread 1.
I've thought this about a gorgeous man with great veris and met for what I thought was a social, because I figured that would be all he wanted. I was pleasantly surprised. "
Brilliant! I hope more people reading take a leaf from your book |
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"The last thread was interesting to read some of the posts off both the ladies and men. Some of the ladies I would never have thought felt the same as me, and some of the men’s replies have been very positive.
Has given me food for thought and perhaps the fact I should have more faith in myself x "
So glad you found something positive to take from it. I think we all... Men and women alike... Need to be a little kinder to outlrselves and take some chances |
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Ps... I've met you both socially and think you're wonderful, and know from previous conversations how big-hearted you are 