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Sex and marriage
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
It can be reignited if you put the effort in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
no but its difficult to get it back to the same level as life gets in the way sometimes
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
Yes , unless it’s stopped for medical reasons . |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
Purely from personal experience- yes. |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
How do you this by the way? |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
Totally depends on them. My wife and I don't have sex, but we're also Poly. We fulfill each other's family relationship needs, but also have other partners for sexual needs. Oddly enough one of my FWB had the same situation with her fella. Not saying that's always easy or a solution for everyone, but it turns out we're all different! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Once the sex as gone then there is no going back. Done that and got the t-shirt. "
That's what I was thinking. That's why I'm divorced. I think they're only staying together for their kids |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m afraid I’d say If you fall out of lust...it’s done.
That’s been my experience at least, it then just became a “staying together for the kids” relationship
Mrsk xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When the sex goes it’s just so sad and not long before one or both of them look for that in the arms of someone else  "
I think that's inevitable but again it's all about the kids and the massive fall out of divorce proceedings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Major contributing factor in the demise of my marriage, not solely but definitely the underlining factor. To those who say you try, this is true but it has to be two sided to succeed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once the sex as gone then there is no going back. Done that and got the t-shirt. "
Was going to say the same!! Got the same t-shirt.... Two of the buggers 
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
No per se, especially if the love is still there. Life can take its toll on relationships and sometimes libido can be affected by all sorts of factors. I guess before we ask about the health of the sex life we need to ask about the health of their communication, ability to express them selves to each other and their genuine love for each other. Seems to me often the biggest problem to a relationship is a breakdown/lack of communication and complete honesty of how each other feels. If they can truly be honest with each other, communicate well and rediscover what they love about each other and their relationship then the sex life has a chance of getting back on track. True love is too deep and valuable to be thrown away due to a lull in sex. Also I know some people in a simular situation look into open relationships. But I wouldn't advise this unless both sides are 100% secure in their love for each other and see their future together. |
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By *reland8Man
over a year ago
sandyford |
"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
Yes....unless they do something about it, lots of ways to reignite it, all it takes is some effort! |
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A friend of mine once described his marriage being like 2 flatmates who don't really get along anymore, fight over who used all the milk in the fridge, etc., but neither can move out because the rent elsewhere is too high.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met an ex of mine who has been married now for 2 years, they haven't had sex together now for 14 months, she's a very sexual lady but desperately unhappy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A friend of mine once described his marriage being like 2 flatmates who don't really get along anymore, fight over who used all the milk in the fridge, etc., but neither can move out because the rent elsewhere is too high. "
Exactly the way my own marriage went after the kids moved out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage. "
this i feel is right. loving someone isnt just sex its being there threw everything.
id like to think most people would be supportive and make sure they kept the love alive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
It was game over for my marriage. We loved each other but living as best mates wasn’t enough for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never wanted to be intimate with my husband again. We both deserved intimacy with someone again. Just not each other. "
you have a simple way of putting it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once my now ex wife lost the desire for sex the writing was on the wall. No matter what I tried I just couldn’t re ignite her spark. Once it got to just over 2 years I decided rather than cheat as I’d never do that my only option to fulfil my own needs was to leave the marriage. To this day I don’t regret a single thing about doing it. The day I told her it was over was a huge relief. As a few others have said in here we were like brother and sister in the end. People say it’s not all about sex which I agree with but also sex is a big part of the marriage too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never wanted to be intimate with my husband again. We both deserved intimacy with someone again. Just not each other.
you have a simple way of putting it"
It was more complicated than that but we are still good friends and that I am happy about. He’s still special to me but we are divorced and happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never wanted to be intimate with my husband again. We both deserved intimacy with someone again. Just not each other.
you have a simple way of putting it
It was more complicated than that but we are still good friends and that I am happy about. He’s still special to me but we are divorced and happy. "
yeah thats really good. shows the sort of character you are and thats good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?"
Very true. The problem starts when one person still wants sex but the constraint of marriage says it's not allowed outside of wedlock. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
It can be reignited if you put the effort in "
Serious question, why do you think that? |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?
Very true. The problem starts when one person still wants sex but the constraint of marriage says it's not allowed outside of wedlock. "
I guess that's why some people end up on here,rightly or wrongly. They have everything they want within their marriage apart from sex, so seek nsa here. I'd say fab has helped those people keep their marriages together tbh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?
Very true. The problem starts when one person still wants sex but the constraint of marriage says it's not allowed outside of wedlock. "
Exactly.
I wasn't married but in a sexless relationship.
I had a nice life, financially secure and emotionally supported.
But so frustrated.
Empty sex without love didn't make me feel better - but I felt like I deserved it all.
I hear that he is settled down now woth a woman that he has a sexless arrangement with.
I miss him - He was my best friend.
But not being desired was really painful.
Much more painful than being alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage. "
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again? |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
Anecdotal evidence says no. There are a number of men on fab who say they're in sexless marriages. That suggests to me that these marriages are on going and by the fact that they're still together must be successful in some respect |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
Anecdotal evidence says no. There are a number of men on fab who say they're in sexless marriages. That suggests to me that these marriages are on going and by the fact that they're still together must be successful in some respect"
Well in the respect that they're all in here trying to cheat in some way. I'd rather get out. |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
Anecdotal evidence says no. There are a number of men on fab who say they're in sexless marriages. That suggests to me that these marriages are on going and by the fact that they're still together must be successful in some respect
Well in the respect that they're all in here trying to cheat in some way. I'd rather get out. "
Yes a lot of people say that but marriages aren't all the same neither are the people in them. We can only ever look in on other people's from the outside. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?
Very true. The problem starts when one person still wants sex but the constraint of marriage says it's not allowed outside of wedlock.
Exactly.
I wasn't married but in a sexless relationship.
I had a nice life, financially secure and emotionally supported.
But so frustrated.
Empty sex without love didn't make me feel better - but I felt like I deserved it all.
I hear that he is settled down now woth a woman that he has a sexless arrangement with.
I miss him - He was my best friend.
But not being desired was really painful.
Much more painful than being alone."
Is he asexual? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
Purely from personal experience- yes."
Likewise. I can't be bothered to "work" at a relationship, it's meant to be fun! |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
I'm not married but I've not had sex for over a year due to health issues. The other half has financial issues that has affected his libido (he can fuck whoever he wants whenever he wants).
Lack of sex isn't a problem. Lack of intimacy would be.
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage. "
Lots of married people on here would agree with you. |
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"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?
Very true. The problem starts when one person still wants sex but the constraint of marriage says it's not allowed outside of wedlock.
I guess that's why some people end up on here,rightly or wrongly. They have everything they want within their marriage apart from sex, so seek nsa here. I'd say fab has helped those people keep their marriages together tbh."
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
You can definitely bring it back you should never just walk away from a marriage were the sex isn't there if you're still friends there is possibility of fixing it.
It's more important to be friends than just have sex need to be honest with each other and discuss openly why there is no desire to fuck each other and they may find there the answer.
Men are terrible at speaking honestly about sex and their sex drive some believe it should still be at 100 when they're in the 40s but is not always possible . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not so much the lack of sex but the lack of closeness, intimacy, skin on skin, general affection that dissappears when the sex stops.
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Yes its not just the sex that slips away. Intimacy, affection, feeling wanted, desired etc also go. Companionship and friendship are great but most people want and need more from a marriage. Being lonely in a relationship van be worse than being alone and lonely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?
Very true. The problem starts when one person still wants sex but the constraint of marriage says it's not allowed outside of wedlock.
Exactly.
I wasn't married but in a sexless relationship.
I had a nice life, financially secure and emotionally supported.
But so frustrated.
Empty sex without love didn't make me feel better - but I felt like I deserved it all.
I hear that he is settled down now woth a woman that he has a sexless arrangement with.
I miss him - He was my best friend.
But not being desired was really painful.
Much more painful than being alone.
Is he asexual?"
He wasn't when we first met.
But as time went on he just lost the desire.
I found it impossible not to blame myself.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
No. Unless you built your marriage on sex.
If you built the marriage on love (what I consider to be important in a marriage for life) I think you can live without sex between each other. Some people physically can’t have sex, how do they manage to keep a marriage alive?
Sex is sex. Love is love.
Sex is not love.
It’s more complicated than that, but I’m sure you understand what I’m trying to say.
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I am in a highly valued but sexless relationship, we are a great partnership but not lovers! My wife's desire went with children but the sex continued almost out of habit until I woke up and realised it was, something I was 'doing to her' not 'with her'. I worked hard at my skills, fore play et al but I failed to reawaken her. Eventually I stopped trying but it led me to stray/cheat and to a woman who enjoyed sex but did not want an exclusive relationship (she was poly). This relationship 'saved' my marriage but ended with my retirement as it couldn't be sustained discreetly. Result, much stress returned to the marriage, we did counselling etc., during which the sexless nature of our marriage came to the fore. My wife revealed to the Relate counsellor that, "it would not trouble her if she never had sex again". Hence the marriage remains sexless but I 'negotiated' the right to seek intimacy elsewhere but under a promise not to fall in love elsewhere... ...so far that has worked and I am rediscovering the joy of sex even as a man in my early 70s. |
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"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?
Very true. The problem starts when one person still wants sex but the constraint of marriage says it's not allowed outside of wedlock.
Exactly.
I wasn't married but in a sexless relationship.
I had a nice life, financially secure and emotionally supported.
But so frustrated.
Empty sex without love didn't make me feel better - but I felt like I deserved it all.
I hear that he is settled down now woth a woman that he has a sexless arrangement with.
I miss him - He was my best friend.
But not being desired was really painful.
Much more painful than being alone.
Is he asexual?"
My other half is, and it’s really difficult. Unfortunately as she’s not able to compromise, my relationship is doomed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
Probably
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?
Very true. The problem starts when one person still wants sex but the constraint of marriage says it's not allowed outside of wedlock.
Exactly.
I wasn't married but in a sexless relationship.
I had a nice life, financially secure and emotionally supported.
But so frustrated.
Empty sex without love didn't make me feel better - but I felt like I deserved it all.
I hear that he is settled down now woth a woman that he has a sexless arrangement with.
I miss him - He was my best friend.
But not being desired was really painful.
Much more painful than being alone.
Is he asexual?
My other half is, and it’s really difficult. Unfortunately as she’s not able to compromise, my relationship is doomed"
Leaving was the best decision I ever made.
Every situation is different but I felt more alone in that relationship than I do now. |
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"If you can have sex without love, why can't you have love without sex?"
Indeed you can. Marriage does not always revolve around sex. There can be cuddles and other things that would satisfy the emotional needs of couples without sex.
But it depends on each couple and their needs.
Personally I believe that irrespective of the situation is, the need to engage and constantly communicate frankly is the key to successful relationship with or without sex. |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
No. Unless you built your marriage on sex.
If you built the marriage on love (what I consider to be important in a marriage for life) I think you can live without sex between each other. Some people physically can’t have sex, how do they manage to keep a marriage alive?
Sex is sex. Love is love.
Sex is not love.
It’s more complicated than that, but I’m sure you understand what I’m trying to say.
"
Sex with love is unsurpassed .
Sex can be just sex .
Love and sex combined are what makes a marriage alive . If it weren’t for the sex we would be just as well marrying our best mate wouldn’t we ?
Oh and how many people enter into a marriage if the sex was non existent ? Nor likely to be ...
I accept that some people can’t have sex for medical reasons , and that’s a different story . But by and large , people get together , they fall in love , they have sex , they get married . If the sex goes because one if the two no longer wants it , the other will feel unloved , neglected , worthless and the marriage is over . |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
Purely from personal experience- yes.
Likewise. I can't be bothered to "work" at a relationship, it's meant to be fun! "
Do you really think you don't have to work at a relationship? I find that hard to believe. It's not always a bed of roses and it's through difficult times you realise what real love is and if you want that then you most definitely do have to work at it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
No. Unless you built your marriage on sex.
If you built the marriage on love (what I consider to be important in a marriage for life) I think you can live without sex between each other. Some people physically can’t have sex, how do they manage to keep a marriage alive?
Sex is sex. Love is love.
Sex is not love.
It’s more complicated than that, but I’m sure you understand what I’m trying to say.
Sex with love is unsurpassed .
Sex can be just sex .
Love and sex combined are what makes a marriage alive . If it weren’t for the sex we would be just as well marrying our best mate wouldn’t we ?
Oh and how many people enter into a marriage if the sex was non existent ? Nor likely to be ...
I accept that some people can’t have sex for medical reasons , and that’s a different story . But by and large , people get together , they fall in love , they have sex , they get married . If the sex goes because one if the two no longer wants it , the other will feel unloved , neglected , worthless and the marriage is over ."
Agreed. |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
Purely from personal experience- yes.
Likewise. I can't be bothered to "work" at a relationship, it's meant to be fun! "
You can’t be bothered to work at a relationship ?
It’s meant to be fun ......
Has it occurred to you that in order to have the fun it takes two , and a certain amount of give and take . Once the understanding is there between two people , the fun will last , and hopefully continue .
If one person can’t be bothered to work at it then the other person will soon see that , and the relationship will be doomed . Unless of course neither party can be bothered , in which case good luck to you both !
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When you first get married ( the honeymoon period) 3 - 4 times a day but unfortunately life happens , kids ,work ,money,worry Some are happy with once every 3 months , some 3 times a week / day . If you love someone it's not all about sex, its friendship, a partnership so I think you can have a marriage without sex and be happy but unless your open and talk with eachother it's open very much to cheating |
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"When you first get married ( the honeymoon period) 3 - 4 times a day but unfortunately life happens , kids ,work ,money,worry Some are happy with once every 3 months , some 3 times a week / day . If you love someone it's not all about sex, its friendship, a partnership so I think you can have a marriage without sex and be happy but unless your open and talk with eachother it's open very much to cheating "
What you’re forgetting , or missing out , is what happens if just one partner goes off it ? How does the other partner deal with that ?
It seems from what you’re saying that it can work without sex if you’re open and talk to each other . So here’s how it goes , one says ‘ I need sex , why don’t you want it ? ‘ , the other answers , ‘ I don’t know , I just don’t ‘ , how’s that talk going to finish ? Seriously I’d like to know what your thinking is in this scenario . |
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"When you first get married ( the honeymoon period) 3 - 4 times a day but unfortunately life happens , kids ,work ,money,worry Some are happy with once every 3 months , some 3 times a week / day . If you love someone it's not all about sex, its friendship, a partnership so I think you can have a marriage without sex and be happy but unless your open and talk with eachother it's open very much to cheating
What you’re forgetting , or missing out , is what happens if just one partner goes off it ? How does the other partner deal with that ?
It seems from what you’re saying that it can work without sex if you’re open and talk to each other . So here’s how it goes , one says ‘ I need sex , why don’t you want it ? ‘ , the other answers , ‘ I don’t know , I just don’t ‘ , how’s that talk going to finish ? Seriously I’d like to know what your thinking is in this scenario . "
Well, both partners can get sex from outside that relationship. Just because one person wants sex with someone doesn't mean the 2nd person owes it to them.
Sure, that may not work with everyone and it may take some work to restructure the relationship or if they feel the relationship isn't worth it anymore without the sex they could end it. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
Purely from personal experience- yes.
Likewise. I can't be bothered to "work" at a relationship, it's meant to be fun!
Do you really think you don't have to work at a relationship? I find that hard to believe. It's not always a bed of roses and it's through difficult times you realise what real love is and if you want that then you most definitely do have to work at it!"
I think he means if it is so much hard work then is it worth it. If you are constantly feeling like you are at a battle or you keep having to change things to suit others then maybe it is time to think about whether it is what you want.
I don't actually get the relationship is hard work thing either, a relationship shouldn't be hard work.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
It depends on how much importance they put on sex, if they are both happy without and they love each other all well and good. |
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"When you first get married ( the honeymoon period) 3 - 4 times a day but unfortunately life happens , kids ,work ,money,worry Some are happy with once every 3 months , some 3 times a week / day . If you love someone it's not all about sex, its friendship, a partnership so I think you can have a marriage without sex and be happy but unless your open and talk with eachother it's open very much to cheating
What you’re forgetting , or missing out , is what happens if just one partner goes off it ? How does the other partner deal with that ?
It seems from what you’re saying that it can work without sex if you’re open and talk to each other . So here’s how it goes , one says ‘ I need sex , why don’t you want it ? ‘ , the other answers , ‘ I don’t know , I just don’t ‘ , how’s that talk going to finish ? Seriously I’d like to know what your thinking is in this scenario .
Well, both partners can get sex from outside that relationship. Just because one person wants sex with someone doesn't mean the 2nd person owes it to them.
Sure, that may not work with everyone and it may take some work to restructure the relationship or if they feel the relationship isn't worth it anymore without the sex they could end it. "
As strange a notion as this may be , but aside from unreasonable behaviour ( which the denial of sex may be ) , the other acceptable reason for divorce would be adultery . The common denominator is clear here .
You finish your post with the only real possibility in this scenario that won’t hurt anyone too much . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
No way , my parents don’t have sex... and they are together 35 years....
I guess when you truly love someone sex doesn’t matter...
Btw my step father had prostate cancer many years ago... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
Purely from personal experience- yes.
Likewise. I can't be bothered to "work" at a relationship, it's meant to be fun!
You can’t be bothered to work at a relationship ?
It’s meant to be fun ......
Has it occurred to you that in order to have the fun it takes two , and a certain amount of give and take . Once the understanding is there between two people , the fun will last , and hopefully continue .
If one person can’t be bothered to work at it then the other person will soon see that , and the relationship will be doomed . Unless of course neither party can be bothered , in which case good luck to you both !
"
Yes but all that isn't for me. I have been married twice and know I don't like it. We're not all the same you know! To those who want to put the effort in, good luck to you, but I'm too selfish and don't have the patience |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
Purely from personal experience- yes.
Likewise. I can't be bothered to "work" at a relationship, it's meant to be fun!
You can’t be bothered to work at a relationship ?
It’s meant to be fun ......
Has it occurred to you that in order to have the fun it takes two , and a certain amount of give and take . Once the understanding is there between two people , the fun will last , and hopefully continue .
If one person can’t be bothered to work at it then the other person will soon see that , and the relationship will be doomed . Unless of course neither party can be bothered , in which case good luck to you both !
Yes but all that isn't for me. I have been married twice and know I don't like it. We're not all the same you know! To those who want to put the effort in, good luck to you, but I'm too selfish and don't have the patience "
Fair enough , I can’t argue with that  |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
No way , my parents don’t have sex... and they are together 35 years....
I guess when you truly love someone sex doesn’t matter...
Btw my step father had prostate cancer many years ago..."
My parents have been married 64 years, they don't have sex but they do have physical contact, the intimacy of hand holding, kissing and cuddling is there. I think that's what lots of people in sexless marriages miss. |
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I lost a relationship as i was told to sexual for him ,they way i look at it if the sex has gone out of the marriage either they are getting it from else were or the light has gone out ,you may still love each other but not sexually ,just as friends ...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married....."
Hmm funny me too. One reason I never got married. Just the longest engagement ever  |
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married....."
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
No. It helps though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer"
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership |
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership"
I have seen marriages that aren't partnerships its true. |
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership
I have seen marriages that aren't partnerships its true. "
I have heard no end of men who say that their wives use sex as a bargaining tool . And when women get together they seem to brag about it too . So sex that used to be a mutually enjoyable thing to do together , becomes a reward or something to be denied .
I really don’t think it’s right to suggest that men use their wife as a possession to be controlled . Quite the opposite if what I’ve seen and heard is to be believed . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
Hmm funny me too. One reason I never got married. Just the longest engagement ever "
Yeah totally stuff that!! By not having a ring and a piece of paper doesn’t mean your not committed or love someone,if you want to be with someone you will regardless of anything else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership
I have seen marriages that aren't partnerships its true.
I have heard no end of men who say that their wives use sex as a bargaining tool . And when women get together they seem to brag about it too . So sex that used to be a mutually enjoyable thing to do together , becomes a reward or something to be denied .
I really don’t think it’s right to suggest that men use their wife as a possession to be controlled . Quite the opposite if what I’ve seen and heard is to be believed ."
Is it really gender specific if one partner attempts to "contol" the other either through sex or by other means? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership
I have seen marriages that aren't partnerships its true.
I have heard no end of men who say that their wives use sex as a bargaining tool . And when women get together they seem to brag about it too . So sex that used to be a mutually enjoyable thing to do together , becomes a reward or something to be denied .
I really don’t think it’s right to suggest that men use their wife as a possession to be controlled . Quite the opposite if what I’ve seen and heard is to be believed ."
Oh yes I think it is the woman who use sex more as a control thing than men. I meant more as in possesive type behaviour who they see where they go, obviously only if they wère that way inclined anyway. |
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By *ngelina4uWoman
over a year ago
Camberley/Middleton |
"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
It depends but I would say no. Well you don't hear of many 90yr old's breaking up because the 90yr old wife won't do reverse cowgirl. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Treading carefully......A another thing is....do some couples “swing” because they are unhappy in a relationship or the sex has gone down hill? I’ve seen a few women in clubs on couples nights and I’m sad to say it but they look miserable as sin and sometimes half cut. If your unhappy get out...saying that some people really enjoy the lifestyle for the right reasons and go about it the proper way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership"
Marriage is simply a property contract. You realise this when you get divorced! |
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership
I have seen marriages that aren't partnerships its true.
I have heard no end of men who say that their wives use sex as a bargaining tool . And when women get together they seem to brag about it too . So sex that used to be a mutually enjoyable thing to do together , becomes a reward or something to be denied .
I really don’t think it’s right to suggest that men use their wife as a possession to be controlled . Quite the opposite if what I’ve seen and heard is to be believed .
Is it really gender specific if one partner attempts to "contol" the other either through sex or by other means?"
I can’t say any of my male friends have ever said they are rationing the sex at home , or that they expect the wife to do this or do that if they think they are gonna get any . So yes in the case if using sex to control , I would say it was gender specific from my experience .
I’m some men use other means to control their wives though . That’s the weird thing about marriage and relationships though . You fall in love with someone and they are what you fall for . Then you try and change them ! Wtf ? |
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership
Marriage is simply a property contract. You realise this when you get divorced! "
Tell me about it , this is my third marriage !
Third time lucky though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership
I have seen marriages that aren't partnerships its true.
I have heard no end of men who say that their wives use sex as a bargaining tool . And when women get together they seem to brag about it too . So sex that used to be a mutually enjoyable thing to do together , becomes a reward or something to be denied .
I really don’t think it’s right to suggest that men use their wife as a possession to be controlled . Quite the opposite if what I’ve seen and heard is to be believed .
Is it really gender specific if one partner attempts to "contol" the other either through sex or by other means?
I can’t say any of my male friends have ever said they are rationing the sex at home , or that they expect the wife to do this or do that if they think they are gonna get any . So yes in the case if using sex to control , I would say it was gender specific from my experience .
I’m some men use other means to control their wives though . That’s the weird thing about marriage and relationships though . You fall in love with someone and they are what you fall for . Then you try and change them ! Wtf ? "
Far more eloquently put than I managed. But in essence sums up the fact that sex as a control is only ever a blunt instrument. And marriage is far more complex than just sex alone, just like most real world relationships.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership
I have seen marriages that aren't partnerships its true.
I have heard no end of men who say that their wives use sex as a bargaining tool . And when women get together they seem to brag about it too . So sex that used to be a mutually enjoyable thing to do together , becomes a reward or something to be denied .
I really don’t think it’s right to suggest that men use their wife as a possession to be controlled . Quite the opposite if what I’ve seen and heard is to be believed ."
I agree it seems to be some weird running joke that women say no to sex until their husband does what they want. I find it all really shit that 2 people do that to each other and it's seen as normal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, not at all. Couples where one or both of the partners is asexual still have strong healthy marriages without sex. Lack of sex only kills a relationship if it's built on sex in the first place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve heard some people say that their relationships went pear shaped after they got married.....
I've heard that too. I can't understand why unless one or both of them was pretending to be someone they weren't and the marriage contract made them feel they didn't need to pretend any longer
A lot of wives suddenly become a possession to be controlled, for those with latent thoughts of marriage becomes property rather than a partnership
Marriage is simply a property contract. You realise this when you get divorced! "
Omg we finally agree about something.....
Please go and play the lottery, this event won’t happen for another 100 years |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, not at all. Couples where one or both of the partners is asexual still have strong healthy marriages without sex. Lack of sex only kills a relationship if it's built on sex in the first place."
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"No, not at all. Couples where one or both of the partners is asexual still have strong healthy marriages without sex. Lack of sex only kills a relationship if it's built on sex in the first place."
Well obviously if both partners are asexual then it won’t be a problem at all , that goes without saying .
I think what the op is eluding to is when one of the partners goes off sex , or that when it was a something that both partners enjoyed , but no longer do . Can you become asexual , or are you born that way ? Does it take something major to change someone into an asexual from a sexual person ? I don’t know . But what I do know is that it could only be a truly happy marriage if both partners become or were asexual together . |
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Oh and what’s this crap about it only kills a marriage if the marriage was based on sex in the first place ? How many people got married to someone they weren’t sexually attracted to ?
I can’t imagine anyone marrying someone they don’t fancy . So please explain what the suggestion that not having sex together in a marriage only destroys marriages based on sex .
Absolute nonsense  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and what’s this crap about it only kills a marriage if the marriage was based on sex in the first place ? How many people got married to someone they weren’t sexually attracted to ?
I can’t imagine anyone marrying someone they don’t fancy . So please explain what the suggestion that not having sex together in a marriage only destroys marriages based on sex .
Absolute nonsense "
For once I agree with you
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again? "
Yes I believe you can. |
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"Oh and what’s this crap about it only kills a marriage if the marriage was based on sex in the first place ? How many people got married to someone they weren’t sexually attracted to ?
I can’t imagine anyone marrying someone they don’t fancy . So please explain what the suggestion that not having sex together in a marriage only destroys marriages based on sex .
Absolute nonsense
For once I agree with you
"
That must be a first |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can. "
What are you basing that on ? |
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?"
No absolutely not!
I can’t get an erection and haven’t been able to for a year or so, yet due to my cancer issues my wife and I are closer now than ever before..
Sex isn’t the important thing, family and love, that’s the importance of life!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some interesting opinions on this. I agree that marriage is much more than sex but I think that people are very likely to stray if they aren't sexually satisfied at home. Maybe it's the thrill of new blood and risk taking to cheat. Or the realisation that someone new takes an interest in you that has been lost with the routine of life in a marriage. |
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"Some interesting opinions on this. I agree that marriage is much more than sex but I think that people are very likely to stray if they aren't sexually satisfied at home. Maybe it's the thrill of new blood and risk taking to cheat. Or the realisation that someone new takes an interest in you that has been lost with the routine of life in a marriage. "
I think the reasons for straying are varied. I knew a woman whose husband had affairs and made sure she found out because the hurt she felt proved she loved him, mind you she had the last laugh when she left him.
I wonder if the lack of sex is less important than the lack of intimacy. The close contact that goes a long with sex and the emotional intimacy that engenders |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
It can be reignited if you put the effort in "
I'm with BHM If it's only the sex that's dried up and they still cuddle, share a bed, etc... then a romantic week away from all their stresses in a beautiful place may be all they need. If all the intimacy has gone, no cuddles, different beds... then they could still try and reignite things if they're both willing to try and they take maybe a fortnight away somewhere romantic together and then work regularly afterwards on maintaining that spark.
If a much broader range of things have dried up in your friend's relationship, they don't really talk, don't share common goals, etc. Then it's really time to move on. They should be looking for someone who matches their life goals and compliments them as a person going forth into old age. Good luck to your friend xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
It can be reignited if you put the effort in
I'm with BHM If it's only the sex that's dried up and they still cuddle, share a bed, etc... then a romantic week away from all their stresses in a beautiful place may be all they need. If all the intimacy has gone, no cuddles, different beds... then they could still try and reignite things if they're both willing to try and they take maybe a fortnight away somewhere romantic together and then work regularly afterwards on maintaining that spark.
If a much broader range of things have dried up in your friend's relationship, they don't really talk, don't share common goals, etc. Then it's really time to move on. They should be looking for someone who matches their life goals and compliments them as a person going forth into old age. Good luck to your friend xx"
She's said they've slept in separate beds for nearly a year. It appears to me it's only the kids that are keeping them together |
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"Some interesting opinions on this. I agree that marriage is much more than sex but I think that people are very likely to stray if they aren't sexually satisfied at home. Maybe it's the thrill of new blood and risk taking to cheat. Or the realisation that someone new takes an interest in you that has been lost with the routine of life in a marriage.
I think the reasons for straying are varied. I knew a woman whose husband had affairs and made sure she found out because the hurt she felt proved she loved him, mind you she had the last laugh when she left him.
I wonder if the lack of sex is less important than the lack of intimacy. The close contact that goes a long with sex and the emotional intimacy that engenders"
The lack of sex being less important than the lack of intimacy ? They are pretty much the same thing though aren’t they ? I’d be more pissed off if my wife was intimate with me , and didn’t want anything sexual to be honest . That would just be like rubbing salt in the wound .
I don’t think anyone deliberately sets out to no longer want sex with their spouse , it just happens when they fall out of love with them . They stay together as it’s a roof over their head , the kids , the familiarity , and any number of other reasons . But once it’s gone , ( the intimacy , sex and the lust )- the glue that holds the relationship together will no longer do so , and it’s game over . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some interesting opinions on this. I agree that marriage is much more than sex but I think that people are very likely to stray if they aren't sexually satisfied at home. Maybe it's the thrill of new blood and risk taking to cheat. Or the realisation that someone new takes an interest in you that has been lost with the routine of life in a marriage.
I think the reasons for straying are varied. I knew a woman whose husband had affairs and made sure she found out because the hurt she felt proved she loved him, mind you she had the last laugh when she left him.
I wonder if the lack of sex is less important than the lack of intimacy. The close contact that goes a long with sex and the emotional intimacy that engenders
The lack of sex being less important than the lack of intimacy ? They are pretty much the same thing though aren’t they ? I’d be more pissed off if my wife was intimate with me , and didn’t want anything sexual to be honest . That would just be like rubbing salt in the wound .
I don’t think anyone deliberately sets out to no longer want sex with their spouse , it just happens when they fall out of love with them . They stay together as it’s a roof over their head , the kids , the familiarity , and any number of other reasons . But once it’s gone , ( the intimacy , sex and the lust )- the glue that holds the relationship together will no longer do so , and it’s game over . "
What if for example the man couldn't get an erection anymore, and couldn't take viagra? |
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"Some interesting opinions on this. I agree that marriage is much more than sex but I think that people are very likely to stray if they aren't sexually satisfied at home. Maybe it's the thrill of new blood and risk taking to cheat. Or the realisation that someone new takes an interest in you that has been lost with the routine of life in a marriage.
I think the reasons for straying are varied. I knew a woman whose husband had affairs and made sure she found out because the hurt she felt proved she loved him, mind you she had the last laugh when she left him.
I wonder if the lack of sex is less important than the lack of intimacy. The close contact that goes a long with sex and the emotional intimacy that engenders
The lack of sex being less important than the lack of intimacy ? They are pretty much the same thing though aren’t they ? I’d be more pissed off if my wife was intimate with me , and didn’t want anything sexual to be honest . That would just be like rubbing salt in the wound .
I don’t think anyone deliberately sets out to no longer want sex with their spouse , it just happens when they fall out of love with them . They stay together as it’s a roof over their head , the kids , the familiarity , and any number of other reasons . But once it’s gone , ( the intimacy , sex and the lust )- the glue that holds the relationship together will no longer do so , and it’s game over .
What if for example the man couldn't get an erection anymore, and couldn't take viagra? "
That’s why I’ve said ‘ other than medical issues ‘ . I truly can’t see how a couple can stay in love with each other if one just says they don’t fancy the other one any more . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend and her husband haven't had sex in a year. She thinks they've definitely lost the desire for each other. They're more like brother and sister. Do you think it's game over in a marriage once the sex has gone?
It can be reignited if you put the effort in
I'm with BHM If it's only the sex that's dried up and they still cuddle, share a bed, etc... then a romantic week away from all their stresses in a beautiful place may be all they need. If all the intimacy has gone, no cuddles, different beds... then they could still try and reignite things if they're both willing to try and they take maybe a fortnight away somewhere romantic together and then work regularly afterwards on maintaining that spark.
If a much broader range of things have dried up in your friend's relationship, they don't really talk, don't share common goals, etc. Then it's really time to move on. They should be looking for someone who matches their life goals and compliments them as a person going forth into old age. Good luck to your friend xx
She's said they've slept in separate beds for nearly a year. It appears to me it's only the kids that are keeping them together"
Sexual desire is a natural extension of attraction... and I use that in the broadest sense of the word. If she suddenly won the lottery there'd be champagne flowing and fucking following. If he suddenly decided on an exciting new avenue in his life or maybe started doing something that made her deeply proud of him she'd soon be wanting to feel his vital energy inside her again.
So yes the sex side of a relationship can absolutely be reignited. But only if it's literally just the sex that's the issue. If there are other problems, resentment, regrets, entrenched disagreements... it may be too much of a hurdle. |
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"Some interesting opinions on this. I agree that marriage is much more than sex but I think that people are very likely to stray if they aren't sexually satisfied at home. Maybe it's the thrill of new blood and risk taking to cheat. Or the realisation that someone new takes an interest in you that has been lost with the routine of life in a marriage.
I think the reasons for straying are varied. I knew a woman whose husband had affairs and made sure she found out because the hurt she felt proved she loved him, mind you she had the last laugh when she left him.
I wonder if the lack of sex is less important than the lack of intimacy. The close contact that goes a long with sex and the emotional intimacy that engenders
The lack of sex being less important than the lack of intimacy ? They are pretty much the same thing though aren’t they ? I’d be more pissed off if my wife was intimate with me , and didn’t want anything sexual to be honest . That would just be like rubbing salt in the wound .
I don’t think anyone deliberately sets out to no longer want sex with their spouse , it just happens when they fall out of love with them . They stay together as it’s a roof over their head , the kids , the familiarity , and any number of other reasons . But once it’s gone , ( the intimacy , sex and the lust )- the glue that holds the relationship together will no longer do so , and it’s game over . "
I don't know I'm just wondering. What happens when a couple get really old, like my parents for instance and lust has burned itself out? I'm pretty sure their 64 year marriage is glued together by more than sex and lust. |
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"Some interesting opinions on this. I agree that marriage is much more than sex but I think that people are very likely to stray if they aren't sexually satisfied at home. Maybe it's the thrill of new blood and risk taking to cheat. Or the realisation that someone new takes an interest in you that has been lost with the routine of life in a marriage.
I think the reasons for straying are varied. I knew a woman whose husband had affairs and made sure she found out because the hurt she felt proved she loved him, mind you she had the last laugh when she left him.
I wonder if the lack of sex is less important than the lack of intimacy. The close contact that goes a long with sex and the emotional intimacy that engenders
The lack of sex being less important than the lack of intimacy ? They are pretty much the same thing though aren’t they ? I’d be more pissed off if my wife was intimate with me , and didn’t want anything sexual to be honest . That would just be like rubbing salt in the wound .
I don’t think anyone deliberately sets out to no longer want sex with their spouse , it just happens when they fall out of love with them . They stay together as it’s a roof over their head , the kids , the familiarity , and any number of other reasons . But once it’s gone , ( the intimacy , sex and the lust )- the glue that holds the relationship together will no longer do so , and it’s game over .
I don't know I'm just wondering. What happens when a couple get really old, like my parents for instance and lust has burned itself out? I'm pretty sure their 64 year marriage is glued together by more than sex and lust."
I would guess it would be a mutually agreeable situation , whatever they decided to do or not do . After 64 years married to the same person I would hazard a guess that sex and lust are not the main things any more . And yes , I would agree that their marriage is glued together by way more than sex and lust , but you never know  |
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" I knew a woman whose husband had affairs and made sure she found out because the hurt she felt proved she loved him, mind you she had the last laugh when she left him.
I wonder if the lack of sex is less important than the lack of intimacy. The close contact that goes a long with sex and the emotional intimacy that engenders
The lack of sex being less important than the lack of intimacy ? They are pretty much the same thing though aren’t they ? I’d be more pissed off if my wife was intimate with me , and didn’t want anything sexual to be honest . That would just be like rubbing salt in the wound .
I don’t think anyone deliberately sets out to no longer want sex with their spouse , it just happens when they fall out of love with them . They stay together as it’s a roof over their head , the kids , the familiarity , and any number of other reasons . But once it’s gone , ( the intimacy , sex and the lust )- the glue that holds the relationship together will no longer do so , and it’s game over .
I don't know I'm just wondering. What happens when a couple get really old, like my parents for instance and lust has burned itself out? I'm pretty sure their 64 year marriage is glued together by more than sex and lust.
I would guess it would be a mutually agreeable situation , whatever they decided to do or not do . After 64 years married to the same person I would hazard a guess that sex and lust are not the main things any more . And yes , I would agree that their marriage is glued together by way more than sex and lust , but you never know "
I just wonder if its possible for them might it be possible for people to be glued together by much more than sex after 20 or 25 years. I don't know the answer but there are enough people on fab who say they want to stay married despite a lack of sex to make me think that people have other reasons for sticking with a partnership. |
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"And this is why I would never date a Swinger. Their entire universe is based on sex. "
Sex doesn't glue Mr N and I together. We don't even have a mortgage to keep us tied. We just know each others terrible secrets which means we're scared to let each other out of our sight  .
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And this is why I would never date a Swinger. Their entire universe is based on sex.
Sex doesn't glue Mr N and I together. We don't even have a mortgage to keep us tied. We just know each others terrible secrets which means we're scared to let each other out of our sight .
"
Great plan. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And this is why I would never date a Swinger. Their entire universe is based on sex.
Sex doesn't glue Mr N and I together. We don't even have a mortgage to keep us tied. We just know each others terrible secrets which means we're scared to let each other out of our sight .
"
|
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ? "
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view. "
This exactly this, a happy couple are friends companions life partners, I fucked mine up but I had a good life with my ex and no sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view. "
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them. |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them. "
I agree |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree "
From what I see on fab some people do base their relationships solely on sex, or they say they do. Responses advising people in sexless marriages to leave and seek happiness elsewhere or threads like this seem to support that.
I just think everyone's different and sex is symbolic of so much. Maybe it means way more to the people who invest so much of their relationship in it. Perhaps they can only accept that they're loved and attractive if their partner is sexual with them.
I don't know. I think in the end a successful relationship comes down to whether you fulfil each others needs whether that's sexually, emotionally or otherwise and if one person is unable to do that and it isn't possible to find it elswhere problems are going to happen. |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them. "
Ah , that’s all very well , but what about if you’re with someone who didn’t want to fuck you any more ?
You’re looking at this as if it’s ‘just’ sex , but I’ve never said that . I’ve said it’s an important part of a marriage , particularly if one of the two doesn’t fancy the other in a sexual way any longer .
You’re looking at this in a very one sided way , so back to the question . You’re in a relationship in which he used to want sex with you , there’s nothing wrong with him , he just doesn’t want sex with you any more . How do you feel about that ? |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree "
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When the sex goes out of a relationship it is usually indicative of a relationship wide collapse of intimacy. Just as, if the cap falls off a pyramid, it's usually indicative of the rest of the pyramid being in a heavily compromised and eroded state.
It can be salvaged. But it may need a radical holistic approach to reinvesting in life and each other again and working on building that pyramid back up again |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
From what I see on fab some people do base their relationships solely on sex, or they say they do. Responses advising people in sexless marriages to leave and seek happiness elsewhere or threads like this seem to support that.
I just think everyone's different and sex is symbolic of so much. Maybe it means way more to the people who invest so much of their relationship in it. Perhaps they can only accept that they're loved and attractive if their partner is sexual with them.
I don't know. I think in the end a successful relationship comes down to whether you fulfil each others needs whether that's sexually, emotionally or otherwise and if one person is unable to do that and it isn't possible to find it elswhere problems are going to happen."
The part where you say a successful relationship comes down to whether you fulfill each other’s needs whether sexually, emotionally or otherwise is unable to do that and it isn’t possible to find that elsewhere is spot on .
No one in the ‘ sex isn’t everything ‘ corner seems able to answer the simple question I keep asking . How do you cope when someone that used to want you sexually no longer does . And I’m not talking about someone in their eighties or someone who has a medical condition . Just someone who no longer fancies you in that way . If it makes you a better person because you accept this , and your relationship is still as good then that’s up to you . But I’m being honest here , I would find it impossible to stay with someone who I spend all my life with that doesn’t want me in that way . Especially when they used to want me like that , but not any longer .
Anyone who can sit there day after day , week after week , month after month and year after year in a marriage where they know their partner doesn’t fancy them is doing so for the wrong reasons in my honest opinion .
I would say men and women in marriages like this who stray on sites like this , are quite entitled to do so . Perhaps they do so with their partners consent , perhaps not . But I know there are plenty that do . Who can blame them ? But I bet most of them would prefer not to . If they were getting it at home they wouldn’t need to seek it elsewhere . I’ve read plenty of posts from men and women who aren’t getting it at home and they can’t understand why . But one thing is for sure , they don’t feel loved or wanted . And that’s a shitty feeling . A feeling that doesn’t warrant people saying they feel that way because their relationship was based on sex so it’s their fault . That is complete and utter crap . Sex is an important part of every marriage , particularly at the falling in love part . So if it goes for no reason other than there being no desire to be sexual any more , then surely the other partner who feels neglected , empty , unloved , and alone is also going to think the person that used to love them no longer does .
|
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
Ah , that’s all very well , but what about if you’re with someone who didn’t want to fuck you any more ?
You’re looking at this as if it’s ‘just’ sex , but I’ve never said that . I’ve said it’s an important part of a marriage , particularly if one of the two doesn’t fancy the other in a sexual way any longer .
You’re looking at this in a very one sided way , so back to the question . You’re in a relationship in which he used to want sex with you , there’s nothing wrong with him , he just doesn’t want sex with you any more . How do you feel about that ? "
I know you're not asking me the question but I think this reinforces what I said about sex being symbolic of much more than just the physical act. If someone you love doesn't want sex with you anymore it's a huge rejection of "you" not just the physical aspect of your relationship. That must have a huge impact on a relationship. |
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"When the sex goes out of a relationship it is usually indicative of a relationship wide collapse of intimacy. Just as, if the cap falls off a pyramid, it's usually indicative of the rest of the pyramid being in a heavily compromised and eroded state.
It can be salvaged. But it may need a radical holistic approach to reinvesting in life and each other again and working on building that pyramid back up again "
If someone no longer fancies their partner in a sexual way , how do they rekindle that ? Can it really return ? And do you think if they can’t that the relationship is salvageable ? |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
Ah , that’s all very well , but what about if you’re with someone who didn’t want to fuck you any more ?
You’re looking at this as if it’s ‘just’ sex , but I’ve never said that . I’ve said it’s an important part of a marriage , particularly if one of the two doesn’t fancy the other in a sexual way any longer .
You’re looking at this in a very one sided way , so back to the question . You’re in a relationship in which he used to want sex with you , there’s nothing wrong with him , he just doesn’t want sex with you any more . How do you feel about that ?
I know you're not asking me the question but I think this reinforces what I said about sex being symbolic of much more than just the physical act. If someone you love doesn't want sex with you anymore it's a huge rejection of "you" not just the physical aspect of your relationship. That must have a huge impact on a relationship. "
That’s exactly it !
That’s what I’ve been trying to say all along . It’s the rejection of ‘you’ , not just the sex . |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
From what I see on fab some people do base their relationships solely on sex, or they say they do. Responses advising people in sexless marriages to leave and seek happiness elsewhere or threads like this seem to support that.
I just think everyone's different and sex is symbolic of so much. Maybe it means way more to the people who invest so much of their relationship in it. Perhaps they can only accept that they're loved and attractive if their partner is sexual with them.
I don't know. I think in the end a successful relationship comes down to whether you fulfil each others needs whether that's sexually, emotionally or otherwise and if one person is unable to do that and it isn't possible to find it elswhere problems are going to happen.
The part where you say a successful relationship comes down to whether you fulfill each other’s needs whether sexually, emotionally or otherwise is unable to do that and it isn’t possible to find that elsewhere is spot on .
No one in the ‘ sex isn’t everything ‘ corner seems able to answer the simple question I keep asking . How do you cope when someone that used to want you sexually no longer does . And I’m not talking about someone in their eighties or someone who has a medical condition . Just someone who no longer fancies you in that way . If it makes you a better person because you accept this , and your relationship is still as good then that’s up to you . But I’m being honest here , I would find it impossible to stay with someone who I spend all my life with that doesn’t want me in that way . Especially when they used to want me like that , but not any longer .
Anyone who can sit there day after day , week after week , month after month and year after year in a marriage where they know their partner doesn’t fancy them is doing so for the wrong reasons in my honest opinion .
I would say men and women in marriages like this who stray on sites like this , are quite entitled to do so . Perhaps they do so with their partners consent , perhaps not . But I know there are plenty that do . Who can blame them ? But I bet most of them would prefer not to . If they were getting it at home they wouldn’t need to seek it elsewhere . I’ve read plenty of posts from men and women who aren’t getting it at home and they can’t understand why . But one thing is for sure , they don’t feel loved or wanted . And that’s a shitty feeling . A feeling that doesn’t warrant people saying they feel that way because their relationship was based on sex so it’s their fault . That is complete and utter crap . Sex is an important part of every marriage , particularly at the falling in love part . So if it goes for no reason other than there being no desire to be sexual any more , then surely the other partner who feels neglected , empty , unloved , and alone is also going to think the person that used to love them no longer does .
"
I think we should mark this momentous day in some way... I agree.
I bang on about communication a lot I know but I think the only way out of the situation you describe is brutally honest discussion.
The cessation of sexual contact has a huge effect on a marriage whatever the reason but if its because your partner no longer fancies you it must be very tough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When the sex goes out of a relationship it is usually indicative of a relationship wide collapse of intimacy. Just as, if the cap falls off a pyramid, it's usually indicative of the rest of the pyramid being in a heavily compromised and eroded state.
It can be salvaged. But it may need a radical holistic approach to reinvesting in life and each other again and working on building that pyramid back up again
If someone no longer fancies their partner in a sexual way , how do they rekindle that ? Can it really return ? And do you think if they can’t that the relationship is salvageable ? "
If you've turned stale and boring that might be why they've become bored with you. That's why, to restimulate sex, some people need to reinvigorate themselves, rediscover their fun and vitality. Become attractive people again.
If they're already those things but their partner has just fallen out of love with them then the relationship probably needs a time out |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ...."
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
Ah , that’s all very well , but what about if you’re with someone who didn’t want to fuck you any more ?
You’re looking at this as if it’s ‘just’ sex , but I’ve never said that . I’ve said it’s an important part of a marriage , particularly if one of the two doesn’t fancy the other in a sexual way any longer .
You’re looking at this in a very one sided way , so back to the question . You’re in a relationship in which he used to want sex with you , there’s nothing wrong with him , he just doesn’t want sex with you any more . How do you feel about that ? "
I've had a serious think- I'd be really pleased that he wanted to stay with me anyway. But I probably wouldn't believe him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
Ah , that’s all very well , but what about if you’re with someone who didn’t want to fuck you any more ?
You’re looking at this as if it’s ‘just’ sex , but I’ve never said that . I’ve said it’s an important part of a marriage , particularly if one of the two doesn’t fancy the other in a sexual way any longer .
You’re looking at this in a very one sided way , so back to the question . You’re in a relationship in which he used to want sex with you , there’s nothing wrong with him , he just doesn’t want sex with you any more . How do you feel about that ?
I know you're not asking me the question but I think this reinforces what I said about sex being symbolic of much more than just the physical act. If someone you love doesn't want sex with you anymore it's a huge rejection of "you" not just the physical aspect of your relationship. That must have a huge impact on a relationship.
That’s exactly it !
That’s what I’ve been trying to say all along . It’s the rejection of ‘you’ , not just the sex . "
If they wanted to stay with me they're not rejecting *me* though, they're proving they love me for me and not just for the sex. |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
Ah , that’s all very well , but what about if you’re with someone who didn’t want to fuck you any more ?
You’re looking at this as if it’s ‘just’ sex , but I’ve never said that . I’ve said it’s an important part of a marriage , particularly if one of the two doesn’t fancy the other in a sexual way any longer .
You’re looking at this in a very one sided way , so back to the question . You’re in a relationship in which he used to want sex with you , there’s nothing wrong with him , he just doesn’t want sex with you any more . How do you feel about that ?
I know you're not asking me the question but I think this reinforces what I said about sex being symbolic of much more than just the physical act. If someone you love doesn't want sex with you anymore it's a huge rejection of "you" not just the physical aspect of your relationship. That must have a huge impact on a relationship.
That’s exactly it !
That’s what I’ve been trying to say all along . It’s the rejection of ‘you’ , not just the sex .
If they wanted to stay with me they're not rejecting *me* though, they're proving they love me for me and not just for the sex. "
In a fairy tale kind of way that’s a lovely way to see it . But the reality is that there will be times when you look across at him and think , ‘ he doesn’t fancy me , or want to be intimate with me , what have I done to deserve that ? ‘ ... and then ‘ I wonder if he’s getting it elsewhere , as he used to enjoy it ‘ . And there will be times you just yearn to feel him close to your, the feeling that he wants you that only he can evoke in you . But that’s not gonna happen . So you take solace in knowing that he loves you for you and not for sex . Good luck with that |
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"It's not so much the lack of sex but the lack of closeness, intimacy, skin on skin, general affection that dissappears when the sex stops. "
Agree with this. I would just replace ‘sex’ with something like ‘physical intimacy’. Sure, you can carry on like that, and many people do. Whilst physical I intimacy may not be the be all and end all, ultimately it is largely the difference between just being friends and being more. And it’s something we all crave so if it goes, then both people probably deserve the chance to seek it with someone else. |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ....
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect. "
But as nicecouple have said , it’s the rejection of you that is the major concern here . What is the love for a husband that’s different to the love of a sibling , a parent , a friend ? Do you see where I’m coming from ? A marriage without sex and intimacy which used to have both is nothing more than two close friends cohabiting . If that’s what both partners desire then that’s cool . But when one does and the other doesn’t then how’s it going to work ? Only by the one that still wants sex by conceding and making do without , or getting elsewhere . Which will never be the same as sex with someone you deeply love and care about . |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ....
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect.
But as nicecouple have said , it’s the rejection of you that is the major concern here . What is the love for a husband that’s different to the love of a sibling , a parent , a friend ? Do you see where I’m coming from ? A marriage without sex and intimacy which used to have both is nothing more than two close friends cohabiting . If that’s what both partners desire then that’s cool . But when one does and the other doesn’t then how’s it going to work ? Only by the one that still wants sex by conceding and making do without , or getting elsewhere . Which will never be the same as sex with someone you deeply love and care about ."
I can see that if it’s one sided it’s more difficult, I agree with you but I still don’t see that as necessarily meaning the end to a marriage. There are ways of dealing with these things I’m sure.
If they loved each other then I don’t see it as a rejection of a person. Nor do I believe that there is necessarily a loss of intimacy. You can have that and love without sex.
You could let someone go purely based on the lack of sex but you may never find another person that you love or are as compatible with. I would take love over sex any day. |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ....
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect.
But as nicecouple have said , it’s the rejection of you that is the major concern here . What is the love for a husband that’s different to the love of a sibling , a parent , a friend ? Do you see where I’m coming from ? A marriage without sex and intimacy which used to have both is nothing more than two close friends cohabiting . If that’s what both partners desire then that’s cool . But when one does and the other doesn’t then how’s it going to work ? Only by the one that still wants sex by conceding and making do without , or getting elsewhere . Which will never be the same as sex with someone you deeply love and care about .
I can see that if it’s one sided it’s more difficult, I agree with you but I still don’t see that as necessarily meaning the end to a marriage. There are ways of dealing with these things I’m sure.
If they loved each other then I don’t see it as a rejection of a person. Nor do I believe that there is necessarily a loss of intimacy. You can have that and love without sex.
You could let someone go purely based on the lack of sex but you may never find another person that you love or are as compatible with. I would take love over sex any day. "
I guess we see love , sex and intimacy in very different ways .
I love my kids , my parents and friends .
I wouldn’t want to love my wife in the same way as I love them though . Of course there are crossovers , and my care , understanding , my desire to be with , and the fact I wouldn’t want to be with anyone other than my wife are examples .
But if we were snuggled up and she rejected me because she didn’t fancy me any more , all of the other things would be compromised . I would feel lost and unwanted . The fact that you could accept that may make you the better person , or it may make you a mug , I don’t know and I hope neither of us ever has to go through it to find out . But I couldn’t do it . |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ....
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect.
But as nicecouple have said , it’s the rejection of you that is the major concern here . What is the love for a husband that’s different to the love of a sibling , a parent , a friend ? Do you see where I’m coming from ? A marriage without sex and intimacy which used to have both is nothing more than two close friends cohabiting . If that’s what both partners desire then that’s cool . But when one does and the other doesn’t then how’s it going to work ? Only by the one that still wants sex by conceding and making do without , or getting elsewhere . Which will never be the same as sex with someone you deeply love and care about .
I can see that if it’s one sided it’s more difficult, I agree with you but I still don’t see that as necessarily meaning the end to a marriage. There are ways of dealing with these things I’m sure.
If they loved each other then I don’t see it as a rejection of a person. Nor do I believe that there is necessarily a loss of intimacy. You can have that and love without sex.
You could let someone go purely based on the lack of sex but you may never find another person that you love or are as compatible with. I would take love over sex any day. "
I'd take love over sex any day too but I'd rather not. There seems to be implicit in many posts the sense that anybody who values sex highly within their marriage is wrong in some way. To many its a very important part of their relationship and a big part of the way they express their love, if sex goes because one just doesn't desire the other how do they move forward? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
Ah , that’s all very well , but what about if you’re with someone who didn’t want to fuck you any more ?
You’re looking at this as if it’s ‘just’ sex , but I’ve never said that . I’ve said it’s an important part of a marriage , particularly if one of the two doesn’t fancy the other in a sexual way any longer .
You’re looking at this in a very one sided way , so back to the question . You’re in a relationship in which he used to want sex with you , there’s nothing wrong with him , he just doesn’t want sex with you any more . How do you feel about that ?
I know you're not asking me the question but I think this reinforces what I said about sex being symbolic of much more than just the physical act. If someone you love doesn't want sex with you anymore it's a huge rejection of "you" not just the physical aspect of your relationship. That must have a huge impact on a relationship.
That’s exactly it !
That’s what I’ve been trying to say all along . It’s the rejection of ‘you’ , not just the sex .
If they wanted to stay with me they're not rejecting *me* though, they're proving they love me for me and not just for the sex.
In a fairy tale kind of way that’s a lovely way to see it . But the reality is that there will be times when you look across at him and think , ‘ he doesn’t fancy me , or want to be intimate with me , what have I done to deserve that ? ‘ ... and then ‘ I wonder if he’s getting it elsewhere , as he used to enjoy it ‘ . And there will be times you just yearn to feel him close to your, the feeling that he wants you that only he can evoke in you . But that’s not gonna happen . So you take solace in knowing that he loves you for you and not for sex . Good luck with that "
There's a reason I'm single. |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ....
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect.
But as nicecouple have said , it’s the rejection of you that is the major concern here . What is the love for a husband that’s different to the love of a sibling , a parent , a friend ? Do you see where I’m coming from ? A marriage without sex and intimacy which used to have both is nothing more than two close friends cohabiting . If that’s what both partners desire then that’s cool . But when one does and the other doesn’t then how’s it going to work ? Only by the one that still wants sex by conceding and making do without , or getting elsewhere . Which will never be the same as sex with someone you deeply love and care about .
I can see that if it’s one sided it’s more difficult, I agree with you but I still don’t see that as necessarily meaning the end to a marriage. There are ways of dealing with these things I’m sure.
If they loved each other then I don’t see it as a rejection of a person. Nor do I believe that there is necessarily a loss of intimacy. You can have that and love without sex.
You could let someone go purely based on the lack of sex but you may never find another person that you love or are as compatible with. I would take love over sex any day.
I guess we see love , sex and intimacy in very different ways .
I love my kids , my parents and friends .
I wouldn’t want to love my wife in the same way as I love them though . Of course there are crossovers , and my care , understanding , my desire to be with , and the fact I wouldn’t want to be with anyone other than my wife are examples .
But if we were snuggled up and she rejected me because she didn’t fancy me any more , all of the other things would be compromised . I would feel lost and unwanted . The fact that you could accept that may make you the better person , or it may make you a mug , I don’t know and I hope neither of us ever has to go through it to find out . But I couldn’t do it . "
I wouldn’t confuse not wanting sex with rejection or feeling that the partner didn’t fancy the person anymore though. Although I accept that could be the case.
I appreciate what you’re saying but yes, I think we look at it a little differently thumb) |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ....
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect.
But as nicecouple have said , it’s the rejection of you that is the major concern here . What is the love for a husband that’s different to the love of a sibling , a parent , a friend ? Do you see where I’m coming from ? A marriage without sex and intimacy which used to have both is nothing more than two close friends cohabiting . If that’s what both partners desire then that’s cool . But when one does and the other doesn’t then how’s it going to work ? Only by the one that still wants sex by conceding and making do without , or getting elsewhere . Which will never be the same as sex with someone you deeply love and care about .
I can see that if it’s one sided it’s more difficult, I agree with you but I still don’t see that as necessarily meaning the end to a marriage. There are ways of dealing with these things I’m sure.
If they loved each other then I don’t see it as a rejection of a person. Nor do I believe that there is necessarily a loss of intimacy. You can have that and love without sex.
You could let someone go purely based on the lack of sex but you may never find another person that you love or are as compatible with. I would take love over sex any day.
I'd take love over sex any day too but I'd rather not. There seems to be implicit in many posts the sense that anybody who values sex highly within their marriage is wrong in some way. To many its a very important part of their relationship and a big part of the way they express their love, if sex goes because one just doesn't desire the other how do they move forward?"
And that’s the unanswered question ..... |
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"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ....
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect.
But as nicecouple have said , it’s the rejection of you that is the major concern here . What is the love for a husband that’s different to the love of a sibling , a parent , a friend ? Do you see where I’m coming from ? A marriage without sex and intimacy which used to have both is nothing more than two close friends cohabiting . If that’s what both partners desire then that’s cool . But when one does and the other doesn’t then how’s it going to work ? Only by the one that still wants sex by conceding and making do without , or getting elsewhere . Which will never be the same as sex with someone you deeply love and care about .
I can see that if it’s one sided it’s more difficult, I agree with you but I still don’t see that as necessarily meaning the end to a marriage. There are ways of dealing with these things I’m sure.
If they loved each other then I don’t see it as a rejection of a person. Nor do I believe that there is necessarily a loss of intimacy. You can have that and love without sex.
You could let someone go purely based on the lack of sex but you may never find another person that you love or are as compatible with. I would take love over sex any day.
I guess we see love , sex and intimacy in very different ways .
I love my kids , my parents and friends .
I wouldn’t want to love my wife in the same way as I love them though . Of course there are crossovers , and my care , understanding , my desire to be with , and the fact I wouldn’t want to be with anyone other than my wife are examples .
But if we were snuggled up and she rejected me because she didn’t fancy me any more , all of the other things would be compromised . I would feel lost and unwanted . The fact that you could accept that may make you the better person , or it may make you a mug , I don’t know and I hope neither of us ever has to go through it to find out . But I couldn’t do it .
I wouldn’t confuse not wanting sex with rejection or feeling that the partner didn’t fancy the person anymore though. Although I accept that could be the case.
I appreciate what you’re saying but yes, I think we look at it a little differently thumb)"
They say love is blind , and if someone you deeply care for and love dearly says they no longer want you in a sexual way , there’s no way you could not see it as a rejection , or that they didn’t fancy you in that way . That’s exactly what they are saying so how couldn’t you ?
On our local news channel there was a piece about a trans woman who stayed with her wife through full transition . Her wife said they had been celibate for a long time anyway , but still enjoyed each other’s company . They went for walks together etc.... they are for all intents and purposes two good friends living together . And they seem happy . If that’s the type of love you mean , I guess I understand to a degree . But the fact that the trans woman was born into the wrong body at least gives her wife a justifiable reason for the lack of sex . The trans woman said their relationship would be better if she had lesbian tendencies but regrettably neither of them have .
|
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"No, I don't think it's game over, there's more to a marriage than sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping you together then it’s not a marriage.
But can you keep a happy marriage with no sex ever again?
Yes I believe you can.
What are you basing that on ?
Evidence of real people not internet chat. There is so much more to a marriage than just sex. Intimacy is not sex and you can have intimacy without sex by the bucket load. Just watch an old married couple sat together, chatting, holding hands, kissing. I very much doubt that it is the sex keeping them together. I wouldn’t ever want my relationships to be based purely in sex. That is not true happiness in my view.
I'd hate to be with someone who only wanted me if I'd fuck them.
I agree
Same question to you as I asked Steel Heels ....
I would feel very sad and probably go through a range of emotions and challenging conversations about how to resolve or move forward but ultimately if I loved them and they still loved me then I would want to stay in that marriage. I would love the whole person not just one aspect.
But as nicecouple have said , it’s the rejection of you that is the major concern here . What is the love for a husband that’s different to the love of a sibling , a parent , a friend ? Do you see where I’m coming from ? A marriage without sex and intimacy which used to have both is nothing more than two close friends cohabiting . If that’s what both partners desire then that’s cool . But when one does and the other doesn’t then how’s it going to work ? Only by the one that still wants sex by conceding and making do without , or getting elsewhere . Which will never be the same as sex with someone you deeply love and care about .
I can see that if it’s one sided it’s more difficult, I agree with you but I still don’t see that as necessarily meaning the end to a marriage. There are ways of dealing with these things I’m sure.
If they loved each other then I don’t see it as a rejection of a person. Nor do I believe that there is necessarily a loss of intimacy. You can have that and love without sex.
You could let someone go purely based on the lack of sex but you may never find another person that you love or are as compatible with. I would take love over sex any day.
I guess we see love , sex and intimacy in very different ways .
I love my kids , my parents and friends .
I wouldn’t want to love my wife in the same way as I love them though . Of course there are crossovers , and my care , understanding , my desire to be with , and the fact I wouldn’t want to be with anyone other than my wife are examples .
But if we were snuggled up and she rejected me because she didn’t fancy me any more , all of the other things would be compromised . I would feel lost and unwanted . The fact that you could accept that may make you the better person , or it may make you a mug , I don’t know and I hope neither of us ever has to go through it to find out . But I couldn’t do it .
I wouldn’t confuse not wanting sex with rejection or feeling that the partner didn’t fancy the person anymore though. Although I accept that could be the case.
I appreciate what you’re saying but yes, I think we look at it a little differently thumb)
They say love is blind , and if someone you deeply care for and love dearly says they no longer want you in a sexual way , there’s no way you could not see it as a rejection , or that they didn’t fancy you in that way . That’s exactly what they are saying so how couldn’t you ?
On our local news channel there was a piece about a trans woman who stayed with her wife through full transition . Her wife said they had been celibate for a long time anyway , but still enjoyed each other’s company . They went for walks together etc.... they are for all intents and purposes two good friends living together . And they seem happy . If that’s the type of love you mean , I guess I understand to a degree . But the fact that the trans woman was born into the wrong body at least gives her wife a justifiable reason for the lack of sex . The trans woman said their relationship would be better if she had lesbian tendencies but regrettably neither of them have .
"
There are many reasons why people don’t want or can’t have sex. It may not be about having sex with ‘you’ but more about the act of sex. If they aren’t attracted to you any longer then I can see why that is a rejection of you physically. I’m just saying there are many reasons and many solutions to a problem. It doesn’t have to end in divorce if you love each other. |
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"sorry but I really think that you can love someone without having to bonk them every 10 seconds ... ok .. hate me"
Of course you can , no one has said you can’t .
I love my kids , my parents , my friends and even my dog , but I don’t want sex with any of them !
I love my wife in a different way to all of the others that I love . And a part of that love that we share is the sex , and that’s not sex every 10 seconds . It’s sex when we both want to share that deep and passionate feeling we have for each other . |
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"sorry but I really think that you can love someone without having to bonk them every 10 seconds ... ok .. hate me"
That’s not what anyone has said though.
What they have said is that you can love someone, but if there is a complete lack of physical intimacy that can negatively impact the relationship despite that love. |
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