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Offline Dating For Women
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I've just been watching an interesting video by a woman for women. It's basically similar to some of the dating advice videos I've been watching, but aimed at women. It's very very simple so don't expect any major revelations. But I think she makes a very good point. This is that...
Seeing as men are expected to make the first move, and many women like that in a man, the role of a woman is to create an air of approachability. When entering a new room take a brief look around. The guys who clock you are probably single (well that's her theory haha but we'll run with it for now). Feel free to smile back to let them know you're friendly. Then maybe sit in such a way as you can see them. Don't dive into your phone or wear your headphones. Try and create an openness into which a man might approach.
In the end you're trying to give off an air that you won't freak out if you're approached. You won't think they're a creep. That you're ready and happy to be engaged and that it's safe for the man to do so.
This all sounds super simple. But it makes a massive difference from a guy's perspective. The above advice isn't mine, although I agree with it. It's from this video I watched. So don't shoot the messenger if you've got any issues with it.
If you're going through life giving guys the cold shoulder and then pulling your hair out with online dating perhaps it's time to rethink whether you wouldn't prefer to connect with someone offline where at least you can immediately tell if there's chemistry or not |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oh God, more bloody dating advice. How did we manage before the internet was invented  "
 The problem is that we managed really well and now we're not. So often the above scenario plays out completely differently today. The woman enters the room without clocking anyone in it. She's lost in her phone. Sits with her back to everyone. And basically closes down all her options for interaction. Then a guy tries to say hi and, quite naturally, she freaks out because she didn't see it coming.
That's becoming depressingly the norm these days unfortunately |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"But in real life I can’t filter my face so they wouldn’t be interested anyway "
I know for a fact that you're just being cheeky You're beautiful... or was that a filter? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hows your dating experience going anyway OP?
Non existent at the mo I'm trying to convince you lot to go offline first haha"
And we are waiting for you to dip your toe into it first never mind all these self help videos ..there is nothing like first hand experience  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"But in real life I can’t filter my face so they wouldn’t be interested anyway
I know for a fact that you're just being cheeky You're beautiful... or was that a filter? "
Haha there may have been a slight touch up  I have a completely untouched photo I can scare you with, purely to prove my point haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hows your dating experience going anyway OP?
Non existent at the mo I'm trying to convince you lot to go offline first haha
And we are waiting for you to dip your toe into it first never mind all these self help videos ..there is nothing like first hand experience "
That's exactly what scares the shit out of me Having said that though I've done lots of things in my life I never thought I could. So hopefully I'll find the balls from somewhere to actually do it. My current thinking is to log off Fab and not watch any porn until my cock grabs me by the neck and forces me out to the pubs and clubs |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"But in real life I can’t filter my face so they wouldn’t be interested anyway
I know for a fact that you're just being cheeky You're beautiful... or was that a filter?
Haha there may have been a slight touch up I have a completely untouched photo I can scare you with, purely to prove my point haha"
Are you talking about those filters that make your skin look better? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh God, more bloody dating advice. How did we manage before the internet was invented
The problem is that we managed really well and now we're not. So often the above scenario plays out completely differently today. The woman enters the room without clocking anyone in it. She's lost in her phone. Sits with her back to everyone. And basically closes down all her options for interaction. Then a guy tries to say hi and, quite naturally, she freaks out because she didn't see it coming.
That's becoming depressingly the norm these days unfortunately "
Who says we're not? And how do you know that back when we were dating there wasn't people who struggled, the same as we are supposedly struggling now? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"But in real life I can’t filter my face so they wouldn’t be interested anyway
I know for a fact that you're just being cheeky You're beautiful... or was that a filter?
Haha there may have been a slight touch up I have a completely untouched photo I can scare you with, purely to prove my point haha
Are you talking about those filters that make your skin look better?"
Yes, not the dog ears or butterflies circling my head |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hows your dating experience going anyway OP?
Non existent at the mo I'm trying to convince you lot to go offline first haha
And we are waiting for you to dip your toe into it first never mind all these self help videos ..there is nothing like first hand experience
That's exactly what scares the shit out of me Having said that though I've done lots of things in my life I never thought I could. So hopefully I'll find the balls from somewhere to actually do it. My current thinking is to log off Fab and not watch any porn until my cock grabs me by the neck and forces me out to the pubs and clubs "
Are you seriously scared to date someone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh God, more bloody dating advice. How did we manage before the internet was invented
The problem is that we managed really well and now we're not. So often the above scenario plays out completely differently today. The woman enters the room without clocking anyone in it. She's lost in her phone. Sits with her back to everyone. And basically closes down all her options for interaction. Then a guy tries to say hi and, quite naturally, she freaks out because she didn't see it coming.
That's becoming depressingly the norm these days unfortunately "
Are you talking from experience because if that were me I would say hello back and have a conversation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My body language hasn’t changed. Men simply don’t come up to women the way they used to.
Many of my girlfriends have experienced the same thing.
And it doesn’t matter how hot you look.
Ps most men are looking down at their phones too.
I think it’s a good theory though.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My body language hasn’t changed. Men simply don’t come up to women the way they used to.
Many of my girlfriends have experienced the same thing.
And it doesn’t matter how hot you look.
Ps most men are looking down at their phones too.
I think it’s a good theory though.
"
Offline is the new online Get ready for me world |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hows your dating experience going anyway OP?
Non existent at the mo I'm trying to convince you lot to go offline first haha
And we are waiting for you to dip your toe into it first never mind all these self help videos ..there is nothing like first hand experience
That's exactly what scares the shit out of me Having said that though I've done lots of things in my life I never thought I could. So hopefully I'll find the balls from somewhere to actually do it. My current thinking is to log off Fab and not watch any porn until my cock grabs me by the neck and forces me out to the pubs and clubs
Are you seriously scared to date someone?"
I get pretty bad approach anxiety from walking up to attractive women with a view to asking them out. I was in the cafe a couple of weeks ago when a woman walked in and we both spotted each other. She sat down facing me. Open to me saying hi. And I just sat sweating in the corner trying to egg myself into doing it. Just as I was about to do it (I'd like to think haha) some big dude walked in and sat with her. Phew that was close, I thought. But then he starts telling her about his wife and suddenly everything's open again... only I've run out of time and needed to pick up my boy.
Welcome to just one completely fuddled almost dating experience in my long line of them haha |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"My body language hasn’t changed. Men simply don’t come up to women the way they used to.
Many of my girlfriends have experienced the same thing.
And it doesn’t matter how hot you look.
Ps most men are looking down at their phones too.
I think it’s a good theory though.
Offline is the new online Get ready for me world "
Offline real life with real people is the way to go. In 10 years of being on line on and off to date Ive not met anyone who I wanted to met again.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"But in real life I can’t filter my face so they wouldn’t be interested anyway
I know for a fact that you're just being cheeky You're beautiful... or was that a filter?
Haha there may have been a slight touch up I have a completely untouched photo I can scare you with, purely to prove my point haha
Are you talking about those filters that make your skin look better?"
She's being cheeky. She'd look gorgeous with a MingeMan turban teacosy on her head
...well maybe that's taking things too far... But you get my point. Some people think they need filters when they don't |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My body language hasn’t changed. Men simply don’t come up to women the way they used to.
Many of my girlfriends have experienced the same thing.
And it doesn’t matter how hot you look.
Ps most men are looking down at their phones too.
I think it’s a good theory though.
Offline is the new online Get ready for me world "
Go for it OP! 
You may pleasantly surprise some lady! |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"But in real life I can’t filter my face so they wouldn’t be interested anyway
I know for a fact that you're just being cheeky You're beautiful... or was that a filter?
Haha there may have been a slight touch up I have a completely untouched photo I can scare you with, purely to prove my point haha
Are you talking about those filters that make your skin look better?
She's being cheeky. She'd look gorgeous with a MingeMan turban teacosy on her head
...well maybe that's taking things too far... But you get my point. Some people think they need filters when they don't "
I only asked as I dont use the skin ones.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My body language hasn’t changed. Men simply don’t come up to women the way they used to.
Many of my girlfriends have experienced the same thing.
And it doesn’t matter how hot you look.
Ps most men are looking down at their phones too.
I think it’s a good theory though.
Offline is the new online Get ready for me world
Go for it OP!
You may pleasantly surprise some lady! "
Either that or make her jump out of her skin and run away screaming
p.s Don't look too hot. It makes it daunting. Us guys can usually tell you're pretty hot when you're in your normal gear. If you dress up you may look unattainable and high maintenance |
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"I've just been watching an interesting video by a woman for women. It's basically similar to some of the dating advice videos I've been watching, but aimed at women. It's very very simple so don't expect any major revelations. But I think she makes a very good point. This is that...
Seeing as men are expected to make the first move, and many women like that in a man, the role of a woman is to create an air of approachability. When entering a new room take a brief look around. The guys who clock you are probably single (well that's her theory haha but we'll run with it for now). Feel free to smile back to let them know you're friendly. Then maybe sit in such a way as you can see them. Don't dive into your phone or wear your headphones. Try and create an openness into which a man might approach.
In the end you're trying to give off an air that you won't freak out if you're approached. You won't think they're a creep. That you're ready and happy to be engaged and that it's safe for the man to do so.
This all sounds super simple. But it makes a massive difference from a guy's perspective. The above advice isn't mine, although I agree with it. It's from this video I watched. So don't shoot the messenger if you've got any issues with it.
If you're going through life giving guys the cold shoulder and then pulling your hair out with online dating perhaps it's time to rethink whether you wouldn't prefer to connect with someone offline where at least you can immediately tell if there's chemistry or not "
Or.....go dancing and see what it feels like in the arms of every man in the room!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hows your dating experience going anyway OP?
Non existent at the mo I'm trying to convince you lot to go offline first haha
And we are waiting for you to dip your toe into it first never mind all these self help videos ..there is nothing like first hand experience
That's exactly what scares the shit out of me Having said that though I've done lots of things in my life I never thought I could. So hopefully I'll find the balls from somewhere to actually do it. My current thinking is to log off Fab and not watch any porn until my cock grabs me by the neck and forces me out to the pubs and clubs
Are you seriously scared to date someone?
I get pretty bad approach anxiety from walking up to attractive women with a view to asking them out. I was in the cafe a couple of weeks ago when a woman walked in and we both spotted each other. She sat down facing me. Open to me saying hi. And I just sat sweating in the corner trying to egg myself into doing it. Just as I was about to do it (I'd like to think haha) some big dude walked in and sat with her. Phew that was close, I thought. But then he starts telling her about his wife and suddenly everything's open again... only I've run out of time and needed to pick up my boy.
Welcome to just one completely fuddled almost dating experience in my long line of them haha "
You really need to relax and not overthink these things. What's the worse that can happen? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You can if your a women if your a man its a bit creepy xxx"
? I don't get what you're saying. Are you talking about offline asking people out? Because the whole point of the video I described is that there are things women can do to help men feel that it's not creepy. Yes it's creepy to surprise a woman from behind, get her to take her headphones off, and then ask for her number. But if you've made good eye contact instead and her body language is open and she's not plugged into her tech then it needn't be creepy at all to go over and say hi |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hows your dating experience going anyway OP?
Non existent at the mo I'm trying to convince you lot to go offline first haha
And we are waiting for you to dip your toe into it first never mind all these self help videos ..there is nothing like first hand experience
That's exactly what scares the shit out of me Having said that though I've done lots of things in my life I never thought I could. So hopefully I'll find the balls from somewhere to actually do it. My current thinking is to log off Fab and not watch any porn until my cock grabs me by the neck and forces me out to the pubs and clubs
Are you seriously scared to date someone?
I get pretty bad approach anxiety from walking up to attractive women with a view to asking them out. I was in the cafe a couple of weeks ago when a woman walked in and we both spotted each other. She sat down facing me. Open to me saying hi. And I just sat sweating in the corner trying to egg myself into doing it. Just as I was about to do it (I'd like to think haha) some big dude walked in and sat with her. Phew that was close, I thought. But then he starts telling her about his wife and suddenly everything's open again... only I've run out of time and needed to pick up my boy.
Welcome to just one completely fuddled almost dating experience in my long line of them haha
You really need to relax and not overthink these things. What's the worse that can happen?"
Believe me that was what I was repeating to myself but it's a genuine illogical anxiety that's deep in there and I'm not the only guy who's got it. Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it. Women don't get it because they're the ones who do the selecting and judging.
I once queued up for ages in WHSmith because there was a girl I had the hots for at the counter. When I eventually got there I just asked for her number and she said no. I went bright red and everyone in the queue was staring at me. It was awful and I slinked away. Outside I decided my love for her was too profound to let it go at that. So I manned up and waited several hours for her to finish work before pouncing on her as she left the shop and asking her out again. At which she freaked and ran down the street haha
So when you say what's the worst that could happen the answer is a lot. In fact you may need to see a shrink afterwards haha. No wonder the average American male only approaches about 3 women in his whole life. It's just such a nerve wracking experience.
If women did some of the tips in the op and made themselves more approachable it would take a huge amount of the anxiety out. But unfortunately attractive women can adopt a fuck off attitude in public that makes approaching them even more nerve wracking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hows your dating experience going anyway OP?
Non existent at the mo I'm trying to convince you lot to go offline first haha
And we are waiting for you to dip your toe into it first never mind all these self help videos ..there is nothing like first hand experience
That's exactly what scares the shit out of me Having said that though I've done lots of things in my life I never thought I could. So hopefully I'll find the balls from somewhere to actually do it. My current thinking is to log off Fab and not watch any porn until my cock grabs me by the neck and forces me out to the pubs and clubs
Are you seriously scared to date someone?
I get pretty bad approach anxiety from walking up to attractive women with a view to asking them out. I was in the cafe a couple of weeks ago when a woman walked in and we both spotted each other. She sat down facing me. Open to me saying hi. And I just sat sweating in the corner trying to egg myself into doing it. Just as I was about to do it (I'd like to think haha) some big dude walked in and sat with her. Phew that was close, I thought. But then he starts telling her about his wife and suddenly everything's open again... only I've run out of time and needed to pick up my boy.
Welcome to just one completely fuddled almost dating experience in my long line of them haha
You really need to relax and not overthink these things. What's the worse that can happen?
Believe me that was what I was repeating to myself but it's a genuine illogical anxiety that's deep in there and I'm not the only guy who's got it. Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it. Women don't get it because they're the ones who do the selecting and judging.
I once queued up for ages in WHSmith because there was a girl I had the hots for at the counter. When I eventually got there I just asked for her number and she said no. I went bright red and everyone in the queue was staring at me. It was awful and I slinked away. Outside I decided my love for her was too profound to let it go at that. So I manned up and waited several hours for her to finish work before pouncing on her as she left the shop and asking her out again. At which she freaked and ran down the street haha
So when you say what's the worst that could happen the answer is a lot. In fact you may need to see a shrink afterwards haha. No wonder the average American male only approaches about 3 women in his whole life. It's just such a nerve wracking experience.
If women did some of the tips in the op and made themselves more approachable it would take a huge amount of the anxiety out. But unfortunately attractive women can adopt a fuck off attitude in public that makes approaching them even more nerve wracking "
If we made ourselves too open to being approached we would be batting them off with a stick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh God, more bloody dating advice. How did we manage before the internet was invented
The problem is that we managed really well and now we're not. So often the above scenario plays out completely differently today. The woman enters the room without clocking anyone in it. She's lost in her phone. Sits with her back to everyone. And basically closes down all her options for interaction. Then a guy tries to say hi and, quite naturally, she freaks out because she didn't see it coming.
That's becoming depressingly the norm these days unfortunately "
She's closed herself off for a reason. She's doing her own thing. She doesn't want to be approached. Maybe she has social anxiety and listening to music on her phone helps her to get outside.
Or should all women just sit there waiting for men to ask them out. Don't read their phones or chat to friends on text or listen to music. Sit and wait for a total stranger to talk to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh God, more bloody dating advice. How did we manage before the internet was invented
The problem is that we managed really well and now we're not. So often the above scenario plays out completely differently today. The woman enters the room without clocking anyone in it. She's lost in her phone. Sits with her back to everyone. And basically closes down all her options for interaction. Then a guy tries to say hi and, quite naturally, she freaks out because she didn't see it coming.
That's becoming depressingly the norm these days unfortunately
She's closed herself off for a reason. She's doing her own thing. She doesn't want to be approached. Maybe she has social anxiety and listening to music on her phone helps her to get outside.
Or should all women just sit there waiting for men to ask them out. Don't read their phones or chat to friends on text or listen to music. Sit and wait for a total stranger to talk to them. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I once queued up for ages in WHSmith because there was a girl I had the hots for at the counter. When I eventually got there I just asked for her number and she said no. I went bright red and everyone in the queue was staring at me. It was awful and I slinked away. Outside I decided my love for her was too profound to let it go at that. So I manned up and waited several hours for her to finish work before pouncing on her as she left the shop and asking her out again. At which she freaked and ran down the street haha "
This is really lousy behaviour by the way. She said no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I once queued up for ages in WHSmith because there was a girl I had the hots for at the counter. When I eventually got there I just asked for her number and she said no. I went bright red and everyone in the queue was staring at me. It was awful and I slinked away. Outside I decided my love for her was too profound to let it go at that. So I manned up and waited several hours for her to finish work before pouncing on her as she left the shop and asking her out again. At which she freaked and ran down the street haha
This is really lousy behaviour by the way. She said no."
I’m pretty sure it’s a joke |
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"I've just been watching an interesting video by a woman for women. It's basically similar to some of the dating advice videos I've been watching, but aimed at women. It's very very simple so don't expect any major revelations. But I think she makes a very good point. This is that...
Seeing as men are expected to make the first move, and many women like that in a man, the role of a woman is to create an air of approachability. When entering a new room take a brief look around. The guys who clock you are probably single (well that's her theory haha but we'll run with it for now). Feel free to smile back to let them know you're friendly. Then maybe sit in such a way as you can see them. Don't dive into your phone or wear your headphones. Try and create an openness into which a man might approach.
In the end you're trying to give off an air that you won't freak out if you're approached. You won't think they're a creep. That you're ready and happy to be engaged and that it's safe for the man to do so.
This all sounds super simple. But it makes a massive difference from a guy's perspective. The above advice isn't mine, although I agree with it. It's from this video I watched. So don't shoot the messenger if you've got any issues with it.
If you're going through life giving guys the cold shoulder and then pulling your hair out with online dating perhaps it's time to rethink whether you wouldn't prefer to connect with someone offline where at least you can immediately tell if there's chemistry or not "
Yup, I do the complete opposite and I never get approached.
Which is what I want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The thing is and I don't think I'm alone in thinking this but I am absolutely not offended if someone I'm not attracted to approaches me in the real world, I don't think they're a loser or any negative emotion at all. I think that they were brave for having the balls to ask for my number or ask to take me for a drink or whatever and it just feels flattering. So based on that I don't know why I'm so frightened of rejection. I'm sure guys would feel the same? Like if a woman you wasn't attracted to said in a respectful way that she thought you were good looking or she wanted to go for a drink with you, but there was no attraction there, would you not just feel flattered and leave it at that or would you think, God what a fucking idiot! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I actually agree with this I think a smile and eye contact says a lot. We are all so distracted and self conscious these days that we do stick our heads in our phones. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Here is the problem.... Men and women don’t go out to meet new people outside of their social circles...
They go out with 5 people and leave with the same 5 people....
In college we would always start the night out with 3-5 people and end the night with 10-15 , because we went out to meet new people and merged 1 or 2 new groups by the end of the night..
Now everyone just sits at their tables taking selfies and checking their phones..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm a bit lost with all this.
Seems to me it's a no win situation so my position is not to gamble.
It's a safer bet for my mindset to protect my bubble so to speak.
Advice.to much of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing is and I don't think I'm alone in thinking this but I am absolutely not offended if someone I'm not attracted to approaches me in the real world, I don't think they're a loser or any negative emotion at all. I think that they were brave for having the balls to ask for my number or ask to take me for a drink or whatever and it just feels flattering. So based on that I don't know why I'm so frightened of rejection. I'm sure guys would feel the same? Like if a woman you wasn't attracted to said in a respectful way that she thought you were good looking or she wanted to go for a drink with you, but there was no attraction there, would you not just feel flattered and leave it at that or would you think, God what a fucking idiot!"
I’d never think someone was an idiot for approaching me and giving me a compliment. I’d be highly very flattered.
I’m so bad at initiating conversation with a girl. I always instantly feel like I’ve turned into Quasimodo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here is the problem.... Men and women don’t go out to meet new people outside of their social circles...
They go out with 5 people and leave with the same 5 people....
In college we would always start the night out with 3-5 people and end the night with 10-15 , because we went out to meet new people and merged 1 or 2 new groups by the end of the night..
Now everyone just sits at their tables taking selfies and checking their phones....."
Conversely, I can't remember the last night out that I didn't meet and end up amongst new people. Anecdotes are never data. |
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"Oh God, more bloody dating advice. How did we manage before the internet was invented
The problem is that we managed really well and now we're not. So often the above scenario plays out completely differently today. The woman enters the room without clocking anyone in it. She's lost in her phone. Sits with her back to everyone. And basically closes down all her options for interaction. Then a guy tries to say hi and, quite naturally, she freaks out because she didn't see it coming.
That's becoming depressingly the norm these days unfortunately
She's closed herself off for a reason. She's doing her own thing. She doesn't want to be approached. "
Yup. I became very adept at putting out a 'Don't you bloody dare!' vibe in my youth....I would only ever become receptive to someone I liked, and to be honest that was usually the bold ones anyway! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We love to make life complicated for ourselves nowadays. Attraction can't be taught or learnt it just happens. Just builds naturally if it is going to at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just had a mental image of me sitting in a room smiling gormlessly at men who all scurry away wondering who the strange woman that actually made eyecontact with people was...  "
Your so wrong. They would love it. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.
I think this is me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
"
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!"
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I actually agree with this I think a smile and eye contact says a lot. We are all so distracted and self conscious these days that we do stick our heads in our phones. "
I think this is the point. Most of us aren't lost in our phones because we don't want to be approached. We're lost in our phones because we're addicted to our tech and we're slowly losing familiarity with what it means to be social, so we're starting to evade all sorts of strangers. We're sleep walking into major issues.
Of course, the world isn't quite that dystopian. But I bet you there are a tonne of women out there who are utterly unapproachable in real life and yet pulling their hair out with online dating and wishing they'd just bump into some nice guy in real life at some point. Well if you don't look up it's never going to happen.
I'm happy to do my bit. And I'm sure you'll increasingly find brave guys balking online and trying to make connections in real life. That's where the best dating advice for guys is currently pointing them. But you women need to work on being approachable and creating comfortable situations in which a guy could approach... *if you want to* |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I once queued up for ages in WHSmith because there was a girl I had the hots for at the counter. When I eventually got there I just asked for her number and she said no. I went bright red and everyone in the queue was staring at me. It was awful and I slinked away. Outside I decided my love for her was too profound to let it go at that. So I manned up and waited several hours for her to finish work before pouncing on her as she left the shop and asking her out again. At which she freaked and ran down the street haha
This is really lousy behaviour by the way. She said no."
I was 16. Of course it was a total botch. That's why I mentioned it. I was the definition of awkward and clutzy around girls as a kid.
I think the problem is that guys try chatting up girls when they're still in the playground and all sorts of humiliation bounces back on them. Girls snickering. Guys ripping the piss. It's such a fucking high stakes game with the potential for massive humiliation when you're just a school kid. There's no room for experimentation. You either get lucky or you make a total fool of yourself and the girl runs away frightened of you.
No wonder guys take all that into adult life. Even now I worry that a woman I approach will spit her drink out laughing at me, beckon to her friends to all laugh at me, and then I'll just have to slink off never again able to show my face in that place without people laughing at me. I know all of that is gone now. It's what nervous tribal little kids do to each other to try and win points. But, coming out of a 20 Yr long relationship, that was pretty much what my experience of asking girls out was when I last did it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you're overthinking things OP ...
Massively overthinking tbh..
I mean, who goes on YouTube for dating advice!
As for looking longingly at attractive women in coffee shops...well I'm surprised she didn't report you to the cafe owner..
Do you have any interests?
Are you on any dating sites?
Following women in the street is not the way to go about things..there are ways and means of meeting women but not the way you're doing it
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm petrified to approach the woman I'd like to meet.
Petrified "
I am *totally petrified* too dude. But I'm also completely convinced that all the high quality guys are abandoning online and making their moves on high quality women offline... and they're crushing it because there's no competition. I'm convinced that soon online dating will solely be the mechanism for beta males to try and pick up the scraps. I'm not going to be one of those guys. I've enjoyed success in life by living big and bold and combating my demons. It's now time to do that with this
...but not yet haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you're overthinking things OP ...
Massively overthinking tbh..
I mean, who goes on YouTube for dating advice!
As for looking longingly at attractive women in coffee shops...well I'm surprised she didn't report you to the cafe owner..
Do you have any interests?
Are you on any dating sites?
Following women in the street is not the way to go about things..there are ways and means of meeting women but not the way you're doing it
"
What would you advise then Kinky? I'm just stirring conversation. I don't really drink all the koolaid. Just a little bit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you're overthinking things OP ...
Massively overthinking tbh..
I mean, who goes on YouTube for dating advice!
As for looking longingly at attractive women in coffee shops...well I'm surprised she didn't report you to the cafe owner..
Do you have any interests?
Are you on any dating sites?
Following women in the street is not the way to go about things..there are ways and means of meeting women but not the way you're doing it
What would you advise then Kinky? I'm just stirring conversation. I don't really drink all the koolaid. Just a little bit "
Do you have hobbies or intetests? Are there groups connected to them you can join and meet people that way?
Stirring conversation by telling women how to look for dates 
Maybe all the women by you know you're a swinger and are keeping away |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you're overthinking things OP ...
Massively overthinking tbh..
I mean, who goes on YouTube for dating advice!
As for looking longingly at attractive women in coffee shops...well I'm surprised she didn't report you to the cafe owner..
Do you have any interests?
Are you on any dating sites?
Following women in the street is not the way to go about things..there are ways and means of meeting women but not the way you're doing it
What would you advise then Kinky? I'm just stirring conversation. I don't really drink all the koolaid. Just a little bit
Do you have hobbies or intetests? Are there groups connected to them you can join and meet people that way?
Stirring conversation by telling women how to look for dates
Maybe all the women by you know you're a swinger and are keeping away"
Why else do you think I'm leaving? |
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By *MP3Man
over a year ago
Between Scylla and Charybdis |
"I mean, who goes on YouTube for dating advice!
I do. All the time
Did ya learn anything? "
Not just anything, I learned everything. Not only am I a master dater I can now also fix a leaky tap whilst julienning carrots |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I mean, who goes on YouTube for dating advice!
I do. All the time
Did ya learn anything?
Not just anything, I learned everything. Not only am I a master dater I can now also fix a leaky tap whilst julienning carrots "
Wooop! A multi tasker! I'm surprised you haven't been snapped up yet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx"
What!!?? His response was a shrug off, even though he smiled and said I think you are beautiful too, wtf! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx
What!!?? His response was a shrug off, even though he smiled and said I think you are beautiful too, wtf!"
Nothing wrong with that. I know a few beautiful women that I wouldn’t be interested in dating. It sounds like he was a genuinely nice polite bloke. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx
What!!?? His response was a shrug off, even though he smiled and said I think you are beautiful too, wtf!"
Come on Annie. Stop torturing yourself. You laid your cards on the table and he very politely declined. If he was in any way interested he would have used that opportunity to ask you for a drink or move it onto the next stage. He didn't. Instead he defused the situation and slinked off. That's definitely a shrug off in my book. That's exactly what I would do if a woman I didn't want things to go further with did that to me. I'd be polite and retreat. You're not going to get much clearer "no thanks" than that imo |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx
What!!?? His response was a shrug off, even though he smiled and said I think you are beautiful too, wtf!
Come on Annie. Stop torturing yourself. You laid your cards on the table and he very politely declined. If he was in any way interested he would have used that opportunity to ask you for a drink or move it onto the next stage. He didn't. Instead he defused the situation and slinked off. That's definitely a shrug off in my book. That's exactly what I would do if a woman I didn't want things to go further with did that to me. I'd be polite and retreat. You're not going to get much clearer "no thanks" than that imo "
To clarify Annie. If a woman I fancied, even if only for a fuck, did to me what you did to him you wouldn't have been able to get me off the front desk until I'd got her number or arranged a date. I'd have been glued to the damn thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx
What!!?? His response was a shrug off, even though he smiled and said I think you are beautiful too, wtf!
Nothing wrong with that. I know a few beautiful women that I wouldn’t be interested in dating. It sounds like he was a genuinely nice polite bloke. "
I’m not that modern. I could pay someone a compliment easily, if I had no ulterior motive. I’m a friendly cheerful person and make friends fairly easily. But the minute I’m into a guy or attracted.... Game over!... I become a clumsy communicator and I get a little shy, even weird.. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx
What!!?? His response was a shrug off, even though he smiled and said I think you are beautiful too, wtf!
Come on Annie. Stop torturing yourself. You laid your cards on the table and he very politely declined. If he was in any way interested he would have used that opportunity to ask you for a drink or move it onto the next stage. He didn't. Instead he defused the situation and slinked off. That's definitely a shrug off in my book. That's exactly what I would do if a woman I didn't want things to go further with did that to me. I'd be polite and retreat. You're not going to get much clearer "no thanks" than that imo "
I disagree. I don't think it was a shrug off. He would of pulled his hand away and said Thanks awkwardly, if that, before shooting off.
Sorry Dr Love I think you've got it wrong!!! |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"Sorry Dr Love I think you've got it wrong!!!
"Dr Love" Haha
Ask the guys Annie. It's a shrug off 1000% "
I know I though it was funny to! 
Well if it was it's pretty low for him not to be up front and just be honest. Some guys need to grow a set. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here is the problem.... Men and women don’t go out to meet new people outside of their social circles...
They go out with 5 people and leave with the same 5 people....
In college we would always start the night out with 3-5 people and end the night with 10-15 , because we went out to meet new people and merged 1 or 2 new groups by the end of the night..
Now everyone just sits at their tables taking selfies and checking their phones.....
Conversely, I can't remember the last night out that I didn't meet and end up amongst new people. Anecdotes are never data."
I can only tell you what I see.....
I don’t know how old you’re.....
But my experience in London and NYC are with the 18-30 year olds at clubs...
If you’re older than me your experience might be much different.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx
What!!?? His response was a shrug off, even though he smiled and said I think you are beautiful too, wtf!
Come on Annie. Stop torturing yourself. You laid your cards on the table and he very politely declined. If he was in any way interested he would have used that opportunity to ask you for a drink or move it onto the next stage. He didn't. Instead he defused the situation and slinked off. That's definitely a shrug off in my book. That's exactly what I would do if a woman I didn't want things to go further with did that to me. I'd be polite and retreat. You're not going to get much clearer "no thanks" than that imo
I disagree. I don't think it was a shrug off. He would of pulled his hand away and said Thanks awkwardly, if that, before shooting off.
Sorry Dr Love I think you've got it wrong!!! "
Shit, I didn’t get a bad vibe off it, like he was still holding my hand when I said it, he said aww behave, I said but you are, he said I think you are beautiful too, then I said right off you go then and he said see you soon.
Ahh I don’t bloody know, I said I’d give it till after our works do, like really see if anything happens when we’re away from work on a night out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Just YouTube approach anxiety and you'll see even Annie's gym hunk probably suffers from it.
I don't think he suffers from it, I just think he's not interested because he absolutely must know I'm into him and wanting to be approached. If he didn't before last Friday he does now. As he was leaving I called him back, held his hand over the counter and told him he was beautiful! What the fuck!! He was smiling and said aww behave, you are beautiful too, then left and not seen him since. Could be awkward city when I see him next!
Well done Annie! Yippee I'd say you've got clarity there. That's a definite shrug off imo. Now if only you'd done that several months back. You could've found someone else wonderful by now xx
What!!?? His response was a shrug off, even though he smiled and said I think you are beautiful too, wtf!
Come on Annie. Stop torturing yourself. You laid your cards on the table and he very politely declined. If he was in any way interested he would have used that opportunity to ask you for a drink or move it onto the next stage. He didn't. Instead he defused the situation and slinked off. That's definitely a shrug off in my book. That's exactly what I would do if a woman I didn't want things to go further with did that to me. I'd be polite and retreat. You're not going to get much clearer "no thanks" than that imo
I disagree. I don't think it was a shrug off. He would of pulled his hand away and said Thanks awkwardly, if that, before shooting off.
Sorry Dr Love I think you've got it wrong!!!
Shit, I didn’t get a bad vibe off it, like he was still holding my hand when I said it, he said aww behave, I said but you are, he said I think you are beautiful too, then I said right off you go then and he said see you soon.
Ahh I don’t bloody know, I said I’d give it till after our works do, like really see if anything happens when we’re away from work on a night out. "
Seriously Annie. Start a thread describing what you did and how he reacted and ask the men if that's a shrug off. It totally is in my book. 100% No doubt. I'd be very surprised if that wasn't also the concensus among the guys. It might help you get closure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry Dr Love I think you've got it wrong!!!
"Dr Love" Haha
Ask the guys Annie. It's a shrug off 1000% "
I agree with Dr Love. 
Unless.... there were people around when it happened and he didn't want to do anything in public. It's still work and work romances can be troublesome if they go wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm petrified to approach the woman I'd like to meet.
Petrified
I am *totally petrified* too dude. But I'm also completely convinced that all the high quality guys are abandoning online and making their moves on high quality women offline... and they're crushing it because there's no competition. I'm convinced that soon online dating will solely be the mechanism for beta males to try and pick up the scraps. I'm not going to be one of those guys. I've enjoyed success in life by living big and bold and combating my demons. It's now time to do that with this
...but not yet haha "
If there's only 'scraps' of women left online I might finally be in with a chance.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My body language hasn’t changed. Men simply don’t come up to women the way they used to.
Many of my girlfriends have experienced the same thing.
And it doesn’t matter how hot you look.
Ps most men are looking down at their phones too.
I think it’s a good theory though.
Offline is the new online Get ready for me world
Go for it OP!
You may pleasantly surprise some lady!
Either that or make her jump out of her skin and run away screaming
p.s Don't look too hot. It makes it daunting. Us guys can usually tell you're pretty hot when you're in your normal gear. If you dress up you may look unattainable and high maintenance "
Please tell us more how we should be, and what we should wear, OP...
People can come across creepy even when their approach isn’t a surprise, you know. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My body language hasn’t changed. Men simply don’t come up to women the way they used to.
Many of my girlfriends have experienced the same thing.
And it doesn’t matter how hot you look.
Ps most men are looking down at their phones too.
I think it’s a good theory though.
Offline is the new online Get ready for me world
Go for it OP!
You may pleasantly surprise some lady!
Either that or make her jump out of her skin and run away screaming
p.s Don't look too hot. It makes it daunting. Us guys can usually tell you're pretty hot when you're in your normal gear. If you dress up you may look unattainable and high maintenance
Please tell us more how we should be, and what we should wear, OP...
People can come across creepy even when their approach isn’t a surprise, you know."
You in particular Estella should act demure and silent and wear absolutely nothing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My body language hasn’t changed. Men simply don’t come up to women the way they used to.
Many of my girlfriends have experienced the same thing.
And it doesn’t matter how hot you look.
Ps most men are looking down at their phones too.
I think it’s a good theory though.
Offline is the new online Get ready for me world
Go for it OP!
You may pleasantly surprise some lady!
Either that or make her jump out of her skin and run away screaming
p.s Don't look too hot. It makes it daunting. Us guys can usually tell you're pretty hot when you're in your normal gear. If you dress up you may look unattainable and high maintenance
Please tell us more how we should be, and what we should wear, OP...
People can come across creepy even when their approach isn’t a surprise, you know.
You in particular Estella should act demure and silent and wear absolutely nothing "
No. You’d read it as a come on. |
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» Add a new message to this topic
It certainly doesn't seem to have an evolutionary advantage haha 