FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I have difficulty cummin ... do other women too?
I have difficulty cummin ... do other women too?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello I have difficulty cummin do other women too... i wonder if it will put men off as I can only cum with my fingers and don't like oral...?? do other women find it difficult to cum and if so what should we do to cum??  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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wouldn't put me off, you're lovely. If I was meeting you, I'd recommend trying lots of different things, techniques, positions etc. to see what you enjoy the most. |
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By *enithWoman
over a year ago
closer than you think |
"Hello I have difficulty cummin do other women too... i wonder if it will put men off as I can only cum with my fingers and don't like oral...?? do other women find it difficult to cum and if so what should we do to cum?? "
I have a similar problem or did until I started to show men where to put their fingers
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello I have difficulty cummin do other women too... i wonder if it will put men off as I can only cum with my fingers and don't like oral...?? do other women find it difficult to cum and if so what should we do to cum??
I have a similar problem or did until I started to show men where to put their fingers
"
I find most men get the hump if I try to guide them in the right direction  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It shouldn't put men off, in fact some will rise to the challenge in a very genuine way in order to bring you that pleasure - or at least it should...
Most people can cum easily through masturbation. Most people have a problem when someone other than themselves masturbates them - finding it takes longer and harder to cum. In some cases it's just because it feels weird and different, or the sensation doesn't have a feedback loop that normally happens when you touch yourself. The same can happen with oral or during sex. We have to make sense of the feelings and put them into a series of events that make something pleasurable and lead to orgasm.
It can be like learning to walk again, it will take time and an understanding partner, or series of partners. Once you've cracked it, you may end up very sensitive, and you will have fully unlocked yourself. The ability for you to cum is already inside of you, it's only putting it together to make that sensation that you have to do.
Experiment lots, buy toys, get people to play on your terms and at your pace. Build on every success, and put failures on the back shelf. Try to think about how the last orgasm felt just before you play - the more detail you can think about, and the more you connect this with fantasy the more vivid it will be, and the easier it will be to get over the bump that's in the way at the moment.
Wolf |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle to with penetration alone, or just oral,
I must be just greedy as I much prefer a good mix of cock, fingers and Tongue lol "
im a contortionist, can get every limb inside, even in the tightest of spaces |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle to with penetration alone, or just oral,
I must be just greedy as I much prefer a good mix of cock, fingers and Tongue lol
im a contortionist, can get every limb inside, even in the tightest of spaces"
Grrrrrrrrr see what I mean, men just don't listen!!!
ITS NOT ALL ABOUT PENETRATION! lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle to with penetration alone, or just oral,
I must be just greedy as I much prefer a good mix of cock, fingers and Tongue lol
im a contortionist, can get every limb inside, even in the tightest of spaces"
Haahaahaahaa...you really are something else!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle to with penetration alone, or just oral,
I must be just greedy as I much prefer a good mix of cock, fingers and Tongue lol
im a contortionist, can get every limb inside, even in the tightest of spaces"
you might struggle with the escaping part of yer act wee man.. (cum) XX |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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oh thank you all so so much
I have been ever so upset and have cried as I must really try to relax but this is what I mean when my other post was chatting about swingers.... it is difficult with "stranger sex" to let go for me if you know what I mean
thank you I hope I will stop crying soon xxxx
I have bipolar II and get very upset a lot of the time but especially during sex trying to make myself cum..... it is awful... I really should relax more and get to know the swinger better really instead of bumbling in on first meet for sex... i don't want a boyfriend at all as i have a young family but I will try to relax from now on although relaxing isn't a thing i can do very well xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It wouldn't put me off, quite the opposite I love the idea of having the challenge of making a lady cum, I love the idea of using my fingers and tongue as long as it takes to make you cum... and most of all I would expect and want the woman to guide and let me know exactly how they like to be touched and where.
And its not all about the cumming, its the fun in trying to achieve it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It shouldn't put men off, in fact some will rise to the challenge in a very genuine way in order to bring you that pleasure - or at least it should...
Most people can cum easily through masturbation. Most people have a problem when someone other than themselves masturbates them - finding it takes longer and harder to cum. In some cases it's just because it feels weird and different, or the sensation doesn't have a feedback loop that normally happens when you touch yourself. The same can happen with oral or during sex. We have to make sense of the feelings and put them into a series of events that make something pleasurable and lead to orgasm.
It can be like learning to walk again, it will take time and an understanding partner, or series of partners. Once you've cracked it, you may end up very sensitive, and you will have fully unlocked yourself. The ability for you to cum is already inside of you, it's only putting it together to make that sensation that you have to do.
Experiment lots, buy toys, get people to play on your terms and at your pace. Build on every success, and put failures on the back shelf. Try to think about how the last orgasm felt just before you play - the more detail you can think about, and the more you connect this with fantasy the more vivid it will be, and the easier it will be to get over the bump that's in the way at the moment.
Wolf"
I def agree I was the same until I joined here and played on my terms and found it was'nt me, it was the fact it takes more than a 20 min poke once the flood gates opened (literally lol ) in most cases ive never looked back since.
However I have never squirted and wonder if this is something all women can naturally do with practice, or are some just lucky to reach that peak?
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"oh thank you all so so much
I have been ever so upset and have cried as I must really try to relax but this is what I mean when my other post was chatting about swingers.... it is difficult with "stranger sex" to let go for me if you know what I mean
thank you I hope I will stop crying soon xxxx
I have bipolar II and get very upset a lot of the time but especially during sex trying to make myself cum..... it is awful... I really should relax more and get to know the swinger better really instead of bumbling in on first meet for sex... i don't want a boyfriend at all as i have a young family but I will try to relax from now on although relaxing isn't a thing i can do very well xx"
You can build a close relationship with another swinger, and maybe that is the answer for you - someone who will learn the inns and outs of your body, and learn your specific needs for pleasure.
Remember you have to 'allow yourself to enjoy it' as well as relax.
Never think that anything is too weird if it enables you to climax - having someone inside you and using umpteen vibrating toys and vibrating nipple clamps is not weird - it's just the combination to your pleasure lock, and because of that perfectly normal and acceptable
The only other thing might be to mention it to your GP if you have an understanding one - some medications can block the ability to orgasm, especially SSRIs, and other drugs specific to your condition too. That route is always worth a look too...
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do find that with playmates it sometimes takes me a little while if its just me and them, if my partner is watching etc. As soon as he joins in I cum fairly easily.
Sometimes in public rooms I take a little longer to cum. Its all a mind thing. My head is thinking of what's going on around me rather than letting go. My OH knows exactly what I like so even in a room full of watchers I will cum because the great feelings override my head.
I instantly relax with my OH so that's why play always includes him. If we play with a couple I like a mass of bodies all touching each other. I'd cum eventually but it would take a while, if it was a straight swap situation, and he says condoms delay cuming for him and take a little sensation away.
Its not a big deal, if we play with a couple it doesn't matter if we cum with them, as long as we've all had fun. Me and him will play together and cum with each other and we like to watch the other couple, orgasming with others is not really the main agenda for us when swinging.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We'd been swinging a couple of years before Kate get her first one, outside our relationship.
I'm not sure if it's down to technique, mood, or frame of mind, and neither is she, from what she says
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By *xscotMan
over a year ago
Kingston |
I know that everyone is different and if a lady says - here - or there - or faster / slower I will endeavor to comply.
Some people take longer than others to cum and it is up to the man to realise and cater for that
I do like ot have someone cum under my ministrations - lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yes it's all about relaxing isn't it.. but some women can gush!!! haha I could never do that not sure where the gush water comes from even x"
.
Try Googling "Female Ejaculation". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men dont always make me cum, if they dont i just get my vibrator out, that makes me cum in seconds. Men usualy make me cum with their tongue or their fingers, but a lot of times i still enjoy it even if i dont cum anyway, depending who i am with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yes it's all about relaxing isn't it.. but some women can gush!!! haha I could never do that not sure where the gush water comes from even x"
Firstly....
I would stop trying and trying to cum....
And maybe just enjoy the experience of getting to gether with someone. tho someone you get to know well and trust them.
Then by taking the pressure off yourself....you never know what may happen.
Its supposed to be a fun time so just enjoy it..and sod the cumming bit....if it happens , it happens
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thank you you're all very sweet and thank you for your kindness here... I've been crying my eyes out thinking "when will i cum"
xxxxxx
I feel so ugly and old too and horrible as though I cannot make men like me even though I actively have sex on here xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it hard to cum when I'm with men but I'm masturbating its fine...I've found that because I'm a really shy person and still feel nervous with others around, plus I'm new to sex. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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yes it is good to use your fingers but it all depends if you are calm doesn't it as this is a sex site for people who meet strangers... we're all strangers and it doesn't always go according to plan really does it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi - I think that it's quite a bit more common than is realised. I only orgasm in private, when masturbating or maybe (rarely) with a full-time partner (not at the moment). But it doesn't happen often, maybe every other month....
I don't cum when I'm playing with anyone from here, and I really don't want to. I actually prefer staying on the unreleased high for days...
But can you tell that to people? They just don't listen, or at least most guys don't!
All I seem to get is "I'll make you cum!" or "You're not doing it right" or "You haven't tried my tongue yet" or even worse - just a "Why don't you want to???" That gets an instant block because I know I'm dealing with somebody who just doesn't want to listen to me...
It's simple - that's not how it works for me and I'm quite happy about the situation. I'm not cumming, thank you very much!
And I do not, not, not want to be made to feel inferior just because some guy has a "need" to make a woman cum.... That's an instant turn-off...
I wouldn't demanded that a guy keep cumming on demand, and yet still stay hard and interested all night - but they always make me feel that I have to "perform" for them...
So I've given up - no more guys, no more playing on here - I'm back to looking for another woman who will listen to me and understand. I so hope that I've actually found her... fingers and everything else crossed!!!
Sorry, I'll get off my soap-box - I can hear myself ranting... But it really does hack me off!
Thanks for listening - if you've read this far, that is...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have read every word and you have presented your point in a very lucid fasion and it was a good thing for me to read
I feel precisely the same... I am also bifemme and like the touch of another woman but she has to be totally bifemme too like me and feminine etc and girly
I am the same... I feel strange that I can't cum but I know that afterwards when I am on my own I will cum so good it will be brilliant
men can't expect that we can cum just for them on first meet it takes time and management
it's okay for men as their sexual organ is outside and ours is inside
it's like sometimes men start to rub my clitoris and they haven't a clue where it actually is!!
i have to say "no it's down there a bit further to the left " and that sort of thing
they're not like us at all men!!
men are from venus and women are from mars
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello I have difficulty cummin do other women too... i wonder if it will put men off as I can only cum with my fingers and don't like oral...?? do other women find it difficult to cum and if so what should we do to cum??
I have a similar problem or did until I started to show men where to put their fingers
I find most men get the hump if I try to guide them in the right direction "
Really?? i love women showing me what they like and what does it fa them
After all i aint a bloody mind reader and all are different men ah? lol xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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it is rather difficult to cum with a "stranger sex" sex site guy i would say definitely it is.... you see these men on here well they want sex yes no doubt but they do not consider how we feel in general... especially, as I have a young daughter and thinking about what I am making for say tomorrow's tea haha xx
men have their cocks outside but our main sexual organ our clitoris is hidden inside...
they've absolutely no idea x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've read all your posts in this thread, and it's quite obvious that you have a serious issue with this, so may I make 3 comments!
Firstly, I think it's accepted that we can sometimes try too hard to achieve something, but the minute we relax about it, it happens.
Secondly, many people would say that foreplay is almost as good as the actual, final, ultimate act itself.
Thirdly, assuming that you don't lie there totally immobile, then a considerate and experienced guy will react to the way you respond to what he's doing, and if you feel it necessary to guide him, he'll react to that in a mature and positive way.
Relax, and enjoy playing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello I have difficulty cummin do other women too... i wonder if it will put men off as I can only cum with my fingers and don't like oral...?? do other women find it difficult to cum and if so what should we do to cum?? "
sometimes
i have to admit more offen than not i dont cum at all on a meet, i think the problem with swinging is noone really knows your body so dont know what you like
I usually end up finishing myself off to be honest
But then i have met men who have just hit my spot straight away
Everyone likes different and some men just do what works for me some dont
I wouldnt really expedct a man i had never met before to know how to push my buttons, its great when they do but unrealistic to expect it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello I have difficulty cummin do other women too... i wonder if it will put men off as I can only cum with my fingers and don't like oral...?? do other women find it difficult to cum and if so what should we do to cum??
I have a similar problem or did until I started to show men where to put their fingers
I find most men get the hump if I try to guide them in the right direction "
me too, i stopped telling guys if they wasnt doing what i liked as i found they got really offended  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do agree it's harder sometimes for us females to orgasm, however, there is so much fun to be had even without the climax.
I have to admit, I go to any meet with an open mind. I try to enjoy the man I am with, as much as possible and look for signs that what I am doing is working for him. The best lovers for me have been those that do the same, read my reaction and listen to my little moans and sighs of satisfaction when they are touching a particular spot and take note
I love to orgasm and manage to do that by myself exceptionally well :D In all honestly, meets where I don't orgasm, are not ones I look to see again, simply because I don't find the experience as fulfilling but they are still enjoyable, hence continuing to meet people and having fun.
On the issue of 'guiding' guys to the 'right path', I don't do that with one off guys. I just don't feel comfortable with that, unless I am specifically asked. If I am seeing someone regularly though, it's much easier to communicate and feel comfortable about all aspects of the encounter
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It seems to be a common problem so i really wouldnt worry about it. I cant cum through oral it has to be some form of penetration whether it be fingers or cock but with cock the only position i can only really ever cum is cowgirl apart from the odd exception...I get really annoyed too especially on a meet when i havent came at all and im just left feeling unsatisfied but like others have said a stranger isnt gonna know how to push all the right buttons immediatly. Its worth getting to know someone and letting them get to know your body once you get that orgasm  |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"Hello I have difficulty cummin do other women too... i wonder if it will put men off as I can only cum with my fingers and don't like oral...?? do other women find it difficult to cum and if so what should we do to cum??
I have a similar problem or did until I started to show men where to put their fingers
I find most men get the hump if I try to guide them in the right direction "
every women is different,why guys get the hump,is beyond me.
i find any guidance,is most appreciated.
sex is two or more having pleasure,it's not a quiz. |
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find it hard to cum sometimes too and once i do there's no hope in hell of cumming again the same night, yet i know other females who just keep cumming, grrrr makes me a bit envious sometimes but heyho we are all different. Mentioned this to a nurse befor who said a lot of women find it hard to cum so end up faking it and finishing themselves off, so we are not alone.. |
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I'd certainly never have a problem with a woman telling me I wasn't pleasuring her or telling me what she liked. If I've not met her before I probably havnt much of an idea what she likes without some guiding. Everyone is different, I've known women tell me they don't cum with oral and have then done just that, but not cum from penetration when they normally do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As the male of the couple here I would say the most important thing is to choose a partner carefully. As for you being old and unattractive I'd disagree completely.
In my opinion an orgasm is a biproduct of having a great time, if you look at this as being a goal and it doesn't happen then you'll see the meet as being a failure and it'll add to your anxiety.
My advice would be to choose a guy who isn't driven by an egotistical desire to make you cum but one who'll take the time to play with you in a relaxed manner.
When I met Elle, she'd never cum and it was four or five years before she did with me. Now she can orgasm with swinging partners so it's all a progression.
So in short, don't see your orgasm as the goal, just relax and enjoy the connection you have with your chosen partner.
Good luck and take care xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've already replied to the Op in private as I wasn't verified at the time and so couldn't post here.
But I just wanted to say that it isn't just women who have this issue. I rarely cum during sex and have never cum through oral / wanking by other people and have to finish the job myself. As most of the previous posters have said I think it comes down to not being able to let go and just be in the moment. |
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By *omaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
To watch a woman orgasming using only her fingers is one of the great turn on's for a man.....Dont be worried about failing to cum for a guy in other ways.....The big O isnt the be all and end all of a great sex life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found this thread really interesting.
I have known guys who have allegedly made a woman cum in double figures within a couple of hours.
Now, I am wondering whether it is true or if she was faking it?
If she was, what is the point?
And if not how do they do it?
Maybe a woman who can cum 50 times in half an hour should let us know... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found this thread really interesting.
I have known guys who have allegedly made a woman cum in double figures within a couple of hours.
Now, I am wondering whether it is true or if she was faking it?
If she was, what is the point?
And if not how do they do it?
Maybe a woman who can cum 50 times in half an hour should let us know..."
I've found this an interesting thread too.
Being a mere male, I'm no expert on the female orgasm, but I believe there's more than one type?
Just something else to add to the mix! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found this thread really interesting.
I have known guys who have allegedly made a woman cum in double figures within a couple of hours.
Now, I am wondering whether it is true or if she was faking it?
If she was, what is the point?
And if not how do they do it?
Maybe a woman who can cum 50 times in half an hour should let us know..."
I'm thinking she was faking it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends what is classed as cumming.
One of my friends, says she has 2 types of orgasm, an inside one and outside one...
Inside, she sometimes has with penetrative sex.
But she likes to have an outside one when I have finished with my fun. She will lie on top or touching me and use a small bullet on her clit only take a few moments
Both happy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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with regard to having orgasm for myself, I find it very difficult.. I can't always cum I have to be very relaxed and I can't gush! wouldn't know where to start with that one....???? |
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some women can 'gush', some cant not sure why that is its a 'horses for courses' scenario i suppose..
Mrs Surrey did'nt for ooh about 22 years and in the last 5 or so it just happened, maybe cos as some women get older they become more confident in themselves?
a sort of 'stuff what people think' about how i look, dress and behave perhaps?
will say that as a newly wed i was at a point where i confided in her best friend that i thought i was doing something 'wrong' as sometimes she did not orgasm..
in turn i was putting pressure on Mrs Surrey as i wanted that to happen each time, this was causing her to worry and that was'nt good for 'relaxing' etc..
communication is the key..
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Thank goodness others admit to having this problem I thought it was only me .
I dont cum either or rarely so. Only ever orgasmed with my OH. Its been 20 years at least since I shared one. Was beginning to feel a freak.
Would be happy to have sex without cumming I feel it wouldnt happen with one offs its a learning thing getting to know each other and not rush be comfortable exploring. Its not important to me ,Tho I would be devastated if I couldnt make a guy cum .
Thanks for a really enlightening thread . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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that's okay I have great difficulty in orgasming... if that's a word
I can do it when I am on my own though and very relaxed but on here with men on here I find it impossible...
i should really start to relax i think but I am on meds too for bipolar so that may have a bad side effect regarding me being able to orgasm... I can't stop taking my meds otherwise I would be very very ill... bipolar is a devastating illness.... but i still can't cum..... bha humbug ...xx  |
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"yes I am taking Citalopram and it does dull the effect of an orgasm but I suppose it's best for me to be on citalopram
xx"
me too now .. 40mg I was ok when on efexor .. the good side is im able to leave the house and swim at kestrels every week. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"yes I am taking Citalopram and it does dull the effect of an orgasm but I suppose it's best for me to be on citalopram
xx
me too now .. 40mg I was ok when on efexor .. the good side is im able to leave the house and swim at kestrels every week. "
that's good Ella that you can swim again..... I hope you're okay on 40mg citalopram.... I am on that dosage too i was on 60mg but my psychiatrist reduced it as there was news in the press that 60 was too much for some patients and could cause heart rhythm defects etc get well soooon Ella xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yes I am taking Citalopram and it does dull the effect of an orgasm but I suppose it's best for me to be on citalopram
xx"
Thought this was very interesting as I am also on it at the same doseage....and when I was put on it 4 years ago nobody told me about the sexual effects it could have until I looked into why I had totally gone off sex. So where as it used to come naturally, I now have to mentally sitmulate myself but that also helps build your confidence up for meets, because by the time you get there (and the click is right of course) im ready to pounce hahaha xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's nice to know I'm not alone with this problem, I have achieved orgasm with my partner but never when swinging. It's damn annoying, but I think it's just that I need more time and effort from the guys we play with, it's always over in a flash but I need a lot of stimulation and the guys we play with can never last that long, I always end up finishing with Buzz my battery operated friend!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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takes a lot of work for me too, for years i think i got distracted by wanting to come and getting frustrated at not doing so. We started doing long sessions of just oral and leaving things there for a while before actually having sex, and when we did i would come eventually.
Rabbits would take ages for me to come, but now my magic wand honestly has me coming and even squirting in a few mins, its a great toy in general and can be used on both partners x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"takes a lot of work for me too, for years i think i got distracted by wanting to come and getting frustrated at not doing so. We started doing long sessions of just oral and leaving things there for a while before actually having sex, and when we did i would come eventually.
Rabbits would take ages for me to come, but now my magic wand honestly has me coming and even squirting in a few mins, its a great toy in general and can be used on both partners x"
Your magic wand???? |
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