FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do open marriages work?
Do open marriages work?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve always wondered whether open marriages truly work, and would value some input from you Fabbers regarding a situation I’m aware of.
A couple I know are supposedly in an open marriage, but I have my doubts (it will become clear why I have those doubts). The open marriage was first suggested by the husband. The wife was reluctant, but then went along with it. They had been in to swinging as a couple but now he was ok for them to play separately.
Off she went, and eventually met somebody who she now wants to see regularly. The husband had clearly become jealous of this other guy and has put a huge amount of pressure of the wife; checking her phone, seeing how often she is on WhatsApp etc.
They finally sat down and talked about it and he wants her to see other people...I think he likes the hot-wife concept, which she doesn’t like. He also recently asked her to sleep with one of his friends, which she was very angry over because it was simply because the husband fancied the other wife, and wanted to use his own wife to get to her. She has pushed back and said no, and now the husband is being very non-commital, suggesting something but then pulling back from the conversation.
My take is that the husband probably suggested an open marriage in the first place so that he could shag around guilt free. Secondly, this isn’t an open relationship in my view because it is based purely on one persons take on the concept. I think he is mentally abusing her and is being manipulative and controlling. I would love to get some thoughts from you folks...the wife is a good friend and I feel I need to be honest with her and call it as I see it. Any thoughts? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My husband suggested an open marriage.
He doesn’t meet or play with anyone. I do. It turns him on, and well I like sex. So we both win.
It works for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And it sounds like the husband suggested it and has realised he doesn’t like knowing his wife is getting fucked, but wants to fuck other folk so is grudgingly dealing with it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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....Secondly, this isn’t an open relationship in my view because it is based purely on one persons take on the concept. ...
And the whole post is based on your ‘persons view’.
I get what your trying to say, but only they know what’s going on.
I like several ideas of what swinging would be for a couple, and it would only work if both want the same thing.
Also, on the concept of using his mate to shag his wife, I know of couple ‘taking one for the team’. It’s not unheard of on here or when swinging. I’m sure it’s okay if they’ve agreed before hand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What you’ve described doesn’t sound like an open marriage to me.
It sounds like the husband liked the IDEA of an open marriage, but the reality when she found a regular was very different.
You can never legislate for emotions in this game, can you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband suggested an open marriage.
He doesn’t meet or play with anyone. I do. It turns him on, and well I like sex. So we both win.
It works for us. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"....Secondly, this isn’t an open relationship in my view because it is based purely on one persons take on the concept. ...
And the whole post is based on your ‘persons view’.
I get what your trying to say, but only they know what’s going on.
I like several ideas of what swinging would be for a couple, and it would only work if both want the same thing.
Also, on the concept of using his mate to shag his wife, I know of couple ‘taking one for the team’. It’s not unheard of on here or when swinging. I’m sure it’s okay if they’ve agreed before hand. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It sounds like you have got it spot on OP. The only thing I might add is that it seems that hubby wants NSA fun and the wife likes intimacy, or has found it. As such, they both want different thing, so it will end in disaster, unless they resolve it qiickly. |
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You seem to know a lot and have too much interest in other people's business. I have really close friends and sisters I'm closer too than my own kids, who I adore, who wouldn't know about the intimacy of my private life.
Don't understand this over sharing/sticking your beak in modern age. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What you’ve described doesn’t sound like an open marriage to me.
It sounds like the husband liked the IDEA of an open marriage, but the reality when she found a regular was very different.
You can never legislate for emotions in this game, can you? "
I think that’s it in a nutshell. Hubby liked the idea, wife ran with it and I think was more successful, and now emotions are coming in to play |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It's a difficult one to know for sure without being one of the two people involved and the complete history and background.
It does however sound like the reality of playing separately differs from the fantasy in the guys head. The fact she has found someone "regular" is probably part of the problem, as it's lead to doubts on his part about whether a "relationship" of sorts is forming effectively with his permission - rather than a series of one offs where those bonds (perceived or otherwise) wouldn't be there.
It may also come down to the typical Fab scenario where she's finding people to meet easy, and he's not and jealousy and resentment creeping in as a result.
As ever with these things, the key is that the two of them should communicate and talk about this, remembering that communication is a two way thing that involves both speaking and listening and being prepared to act on those discussions - without that then a downward spiral will continue to emerge. |
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Also, as all us men know women looking for fun can or could get it on tap where as men cant easily find the extra fun.
Maybe hes had too many nights stuck in alone while shes out havimg fun amd he doesnt like it.
Just a thought. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The fantasy and reality has obviously not worked for the male in question, now he's lost control off the situation.
Nobody should ever be pressured into anything they're not keen on but this had backfired badly, on the manipulative one.
Oh dear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband suggested an open marriage.
He doesn’t meet or play with anyone. I do. It turns him on, and well I like sex. So we both win.
It works for us. "
Sorry but I'd like to ask how do you know your husband isn't meeting others? I find the concept of your relationship fascinating. I've never known a young couple of your age having such an open marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My husband suggested an open marriage.
He doesn’t meet or play with anyone. I do. It turns him on, and well I like sex. So we both win.
It works for us.
Sorry but I'd like to ask how do you know your husband isn't meeting others? I find the concept of your relationship fascinating. I've never known a young couple of your age having such an open marriage."
You find my relationship fascinating? 
And because I do. Trust is the key thing in any marriage, open or not. I know fine well he wouldn’t go behind my back, we’re together every single day, he has no time too, even if he did want to. And I know that he doesn’t.
We have had a very open (as in, we talk openly) and honest relationship from the start.
He knows fine well if he wants to meet someone, all he needs to do is say and we can discuss it, just like we did when it came to me meeting someone.
If you actually knew us, you’d understand. It’s difficult to convey that I have absolute trust and no doubt whatsoever, and explain why. I just do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband suggested an open marriage.
He doesn’t meet or play with anyone. I do. It turns him on, and well I like sex. So we both win.
It works for us.
Sorry but I'd like to ask how do you know your husband isn't meeting others? I find the concept of your relationship fascinating. I've never known a young couple of your age having such an open marriage.
You find my relationship fascinating?
And because I do. Trust is the key thing in any marriage, open or not. I know fine well he wouldn’t go behind my back, we’re together every single day, he has no time too, even if he did want to. And I know that he doesn’t.
We have had a very open (as in, we talk openly) and honest relationship from the start.
He knows fine well if he wants to meet someone, all he needs to do is say and we can discuss it, just like we did when it came to me meeting someone.
If you actually knew us, you’d understand. It’s difficult to convey that I have absolute trust and no doubt whatsoever, and explain why. I just do. "
Erm calm down. No I don't find your personal relationship fascinating. That's not what I even said. I said the concept of your relationship. Not specifically the both of you.
An open relationship has never even entered mine nor my ex's head. I've never known anyone who had/has one. Since joining fab, I see alot of open marriages and or relationships. The find the whole concept of an open relationship, fascinating to an extent.
To the OP, just be there for your friend but try not to involve yourself in their marriage. Sounds as if the husband will ruin it for himself. After all, a human being can only take so much before they break. That's when your friend will truely need you. Best of luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My husband suggested an open marriage.
He doesn’t meet or play with anyone. I do. It turns him on, and well I like sex. So we both win.
It works for us.
Sorry but I'd like to ask how do you know your husband isn't meeting others? I find the concept of your relationship fascinating. I've never known a young couple of your age having such an open marriage.
You find my relationship fascinating?
And because I do. Trust is the key thing in any marriage, open or not. I know fine well he wouldn’t go behind my back, we’re together every single day, he has no time too, even if he did want to. And I know that he doesn’t.
We have had a very open (as in, we talk openly) and honest relationship from the start.
He knows fine well if he wants to meet someone, all he needs to do is say and we can discuss it, just like we did when it came to me meeting someone.
If you actually knew us, you’d understand. It’s difficult to convey that I have absolute trust and no doubt whatsoever, and explain why. I just do.
Erm calm down. No I don't find your personal relationship fascinating. That's not what I even said. I said the concept of your relationship. Not specifically the both of you.
An open relationship has never even entered mine nor my ex's head. I've never known anyone who had/has one. Since joining fab, I see alot of open marriages and or relationships. The find the whole concept of an open relationship, fascinating to an extent.
To the OP, just be there for your friend but try not to involve yourself in their marriage. Sounds as if the husband will ruin it for himself. After all, a human being can only take so much before they break. That's when your friend will truely need you. Best of luck."
I am calm, sorry if you assumed otherwise  |
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"I’ve always wondered whether open marriages truly work, and would value some input from you Fabbers regarding a situation I’m aware of.
A couple I know are supposedly in an open marriage, but I have my doubts (it will become clear why I have those doubts). The open marriage was first suggested by the husband. The wife was reluctant, but then went along with it. They had been in to swinging as a couple but now he was ok for them to play separately.
Off she went, and eventually met somebody who she now wants to see regularly. The husband had clearly become jealous of this other guy and has put a huge amount of pressure of the wife; checking her phone, seeing how often she is on WhatsApp etc.
They finally sat down and talked about it and he wants her to see other people...I think he likes the hot-wife concept, which she doesn’t like. He also recently asked her to sleep with one of his friends, which she was very angry over because it was simply because the husband fancied the other wife, and wanted to use his own wife to get to her. She has pushed back and said no, and now the husband is being very non-commital, suggesting something but then pulling back from the conversation.
My take is that the husband probably suggested an open marriage in the first place so that he could shag around guilt free. Secondly, this isn’t an open relationship in my view because it is based purely on one persons take on the concept. I think he is mentally abusing her and is being manipulative and controlling. I would love to get some thoughts from you folks...the wife is a good friend and I feel I need to be honest with her and call it as I see it. Any thoughts?"
You do need to be honest with her and give your opinion. However it is only your opinion, you aren't inside this relationship and we're even further from it.
I'd say listen, discuss and realise that there are three sides to this story, hers, his and the truth. |
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"My husband suggested an open marriage.
He doesn’t meet or play with anyone. I do. It turns him on, and well I like sex. So we both win.
It works for us.
Sorry but I'd like to ask how do you know your husband isn't meeting others? I find the concept of your relationship fascinating. I've never known a young couple of your age having such an open marriage.
You find my relationship fascinating?
And because I do. Trust is the key thing in any marriage, open or not. I know fine well he wouldn’t go behind my back, we’re together every single day, he has no time too, even if he did want to. And I know that he doesn’t.
We have had a very open (as in, we talk openly) and honest relationship from the start.
He knows fine well if he wants to meet someone, all he needs to do is say and we can discuss it, just like we did when it came to me meeting someone.
If you actually knew us, you’d understand. It’s difficult to convey that I have absolute trust and no doubt whatsoever, and explain why. I just do.
Erm calm down. No I don't find your personal relationship fascinating. That's not what I even said. I said the concept of your relationship. Not specifically the both of you.
An open relationship has never even entered mine nor my ex's head. I've never known anyone who had/has one. Since joining fab, I see alot of open marriages and or relationships. The find the whole concept of an open relationship, fascinating to an extent.
To the OP, just be there for your friend but try not to involve yourself in their marriage. Sounds as if the husband will ruin it for himself. After all, a human being can only take so much before they break. That's when your friend will truely need you. Best of luck."
I didn't see as being anything but calm,but merely explaining things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like they need to sit down and have a chat
Or join Fab and post in the lounge for us to have an input.
 really ?? these forums are NOT a refextion of the real side of swinging lol  "
Oh no! , I understood what people’s views are in these forums is EXACTLY how swinging or any sexual adventure should be carried out.
And there I was taking notice and everything. |
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