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Mental health and self harming
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My youngest son has always self harmed but very minor things that are manageable. But the last couple of weeks he’s made a big leap to cutting himself, and quite badly last week. He’s also got learning disability and autism. So I have been on the phone to the psychologist and I’ve got to wait to get a nurse to see him. I’m just struggling with how to deal with this, he’s not very good with emotions and talking about them so we get this build up and he then does this to release it all. Has anyone any experience of this, and I hope this isn’t offensive or a banned subject x |
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I'm so sorry to read this Angie. How about a punch bag or something?
I know from experience I needed a physical release of all the emotion that was built up before I popped. I had nothing.
I wanted to kick the shit out of anything but there was nothing to take my anguish out on, if I hit a wall my mum would have kicked the shit outta me for it. Only thing I had that she'd not know about or find out about and scold me for was myself.
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh Angie, I feel for you. It's heartbreaking seeing someone you love in this state and feeling so lost as you cannot see a way to help, I get it, I really do x Has he tried the pinching method? It doesn't work for everyone obviously but it's like the elastic band on the wrist for anxiety, when the emotions build and the urge to harm arises, pinch the skin of the inner arm, squeezing until you feel the relief. Worth a go if he is open to it x
Peach x |
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Sorry to hear also. My son has asbergers so off the spectrum it has no real treatment. He is very compulsive about certain things but gets very frustrated and agitated very easily which leads to violence either to himself, objects or his brothers and I. When he was in his early teens I did have a punch bag in the shed where I used to drag him up to and let him rip on it. He’s now 21. Bigger and stronger and much more difficult to control. I’ve tried everything and everyone to get some help but honestly the best I find is to just try and sit with him and try talk it out of his system. Different people deal with it in different ways. Seeing a physiologist honestly from my view and experience will not help very much.
If you want to chat just message me anytime
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not sure if this will help but does he do any sports?
If he likes sport then get him into a club or something.
I have suffered with depression and self harming for many years and i joined a swimming club, and now i find when I get in that state of mind if i get in the pool and swim a few lengths it really helps calm me. Maybe something like a sport to vent his anger and confusion? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh Angie, I feel for you. It's heartbreaking seeing someone you love in this state and feeling so lost as you cannot see a way to help, I get it, I really do x Has he tried the pinching method? It doesn't work for everyone obviously but it's like the elastic band on the wrist for anxiety, when the emotions build and the urge to harm arises, pinch the skin of the inner arm, squeezing until you feel the relief. Worth a go if he is open to it x
Peach x"
I’ve been recommended the elastic band on the wrist or ice. But I’m not sure he’s open to it. And he wouldn’t do the pinching as that’s very close to him punching himself and that wasn’t enough. Thank you I will try to talk to him again x |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
My daughter does this too. She's cut herself badly enough to need stitches from a&e on several occasions. We've tried to put in place distraction techniques like phoning me or a friend when she feels she might self harm. It does seem to be helping. Feel free to pm me anytime hun xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry to hear also. My son has asbergers so off the spectrum it has no real treatment. He is very compulsive about certain things but gets very frustrated and agitated very easily which leads to violence either to himself, objects or his brothers and I. When he was in his early teens I did have a punch bag in the shed where I used to drag him up to and let him rip on it. He’s now 21. Bigger and stronger and much more difficult to control. I’ve tried everything and everyone to get some help but honestly the best I find is to just try and sit with him and try talk it out of his system. Different people deal with it in different ways. Seeing a physiologist honestly from my view and experience will not help very much.
If you want to chat just message me anytime
"
Thank you, yes he’s 22 and over 6ft tall so not easy to control him. I will pm you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have experience with young people and self harm, all you can really do, as heartbreaking as it is, is to ensure it’s done safely, ie sterile apparatus, bandages and wipes etc. Also ensure lines of communication are maintained.
If they are going to do it, they will do it, so as I say ensure he tells you when and where. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My daughter does this too. She's cut herself badly enough to need stitches from a&e on several occasions. We've tried to put in place distraction techniques like phoning me or a friend when she feels she might self harm. It does seem to be helping. Feel free to pm me anytime hun xxx"
Thank you, I’m worried that it’s going to get that far. He had the offer to phone a friend but didn’t take it up, I don’t know what other distractions I can put in place x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have, for many years.. Abuse led me down a dark road... If ever you wanna chat... Not done it for years, found a way to deal with it"
Thank you. And I’m glad you’ve got past it x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have experience with young people and self harm, all you can really do, as heartbreaking as it is, is to ensure it’s done safely, ie sterile apparatus, bandages and wipes etc. Also ensure lines of communication are maintained.
If they are going to do it, they will do it, so as I say ensure he tells you when and where. "
That’s the most worrying thing he won’t tell me what he used so I don’t know how sterile it was. He let me see to the cuts and it’s healing well. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear you're going through this Angie...my son has ASD and ADHD and regularly literally beats himself up, usually when he gets angry or upset...
He also deliberately bangs into things just so he can hurt himself which is heart breaking for me to see..
Hope you manage to find something that will help him x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have experience with young people and self harm, all you can really do, as heartbreaking as it is, is to ensure it’s done safely, ie sterile apparatus, bandages and wipes etc. Also ensure lines of communication are maintained.
If they are going to do it, they will do it, so as I say ensure he tells you when and where.
That’s the most worrying thing he won’t tell me what he used so I don’t know how sterile it was. He let me see to the cuts and it’s healing well. X "
It’s done as a release and not usually with the intention of serious harm.
Tell him your concerned and ask him how he thinks you would feel if it was serious, try and find out what he’s used, it can be anything from a lightbulb, CD, paper, pencil sharpener, knife, fork, I’ve experienced it all. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have experience with young people and self harm, all you can really do, as heartbreaking as it is, is to ensure it’s done safely, ie sterile apparatus, bandages and wipes etc. Also ensure lines of communication are maintained.
If they are going to do it, they will do it, so as I say ensure he tells you when and where.
That’s the most worrying thing he won’t tell me what he used so I don’t know how sterile it was. He let me see to the cuts and it’s healing well. X
It’s done as a release and not usually with the intention of serious harm.
Tell him your concerned and ask him how he thinks you would feel if it was serious, try and find out what he’s used, it can be anything from a lightbulb, CD, paper, pencil sharpener, knife, fork, I’ve experienced it all."
He knows all that, and I’ve tried to get it out of him but he won’t tell me. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry to hear you're going through this Angie...my son has ASD and ADHD and regularly literally beats himself up, usually when he gets angry or upset...
He also deliberately bangs into things just so he can hurt himself which is heart breaking for me to see..
Hope you manage to find something that will help him x"
It is hard to see, normally it was just the punching himself and as bad as it was it was manageable. He has always banged into things but that’s his dyspraxia. Kids will be the death of me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is release, for me the pain stopped the vrains demons from getting to me, as like all guys, it can only focus on one thing, and pain being the more significant the demons were temporarily put to rest. |
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My daughter has self harm to the point of trying to end it all by ODing on pain killer the hospital where more than happy to point us in the right direction Child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS), doctor where great to, she still has a hard time dealing with things to the most little things to us seem to be a very big thing to her, she also has social anxiety x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Feel for anyone who is struggling with mental health issues.
It took me a very long time to get rid of my demons and sometimes they resurface for a split second.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It is release, for me the pain stopped the vrains demons from getting to me, as like all guys, it can only focus on one thing, and pain being the more significant the demons were temporarily put to rest. "
Yes I get that, but I want him to have a safer release x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My daughter has self harm to the point of trying to end it all by ODing on pain killer the hospital where more than happy to point us in the right direction Child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS), doctor where great to, she still has a hard time dealing with things to the most little things to us seem to be a very big thing to her, she also has social anxiety x"
I’m sorry to hear that, but great that you’ve got help. Just that we’re on the waiting list and have got to wait now, unless he gets worse. X |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
Sorry to hear Angie for both of you. I think you need support from specialists who deal with others in a similar situation. ESPA is our local support network for those with family members with autism and would willingly give advice and info where possible I’m sure. Do you have a support network who understands your sons current behaviours? |
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"My daughter has self harm to the point of trying to end it all by ODing on pain killer the hospital where more than happy to point us in the right direction Child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS), doctor where great to, she still has a hard time dealing with things to the most little things to us seem to be a very big thing to her, she also has social anxiety x
I’m sorry to hear that, but great that you’ve got help. Just that we’re on the waiting list and have got to wait now, unless he gets worse. X "
I hope you get the help you need maybe put in a box some antiseptic wipe and plasters and other things and have it placed in his room, that you know what he is doing and you can only help in some way or other because for what they are doing in their eyes they are doing nothing wrong x |
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"I have experience with young people and self harm, all you can really do, as heartbreaking as it is, is to ensure it’s done safely, ie sterile apparatus, bandages and wipes etc. Also ensure lines of communication are maintained.
If they are going to do it, they will do it, so as I say ensure he tells you when and where. "
Totally agree with this. As hard as it is as a parent to watch your loved ones self harm, it is a coping mechanism which gives release. The worst thing you can do is say 'stop doing that' as it is taking their control away. It's about managing it safely - distraction, elastic bands, ice, big red marker pens, clean cutting implements and ensuring wounds are dressed etc. Also make sure you have support for yourself as a mum and your family. Big hugs x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry to hear Angie for both of you. I think you need support from specialists who deal with others in a similar situation. ESPA is our local support network for those with family members with autism and would willingly give advice and info where possible I’m sure. Do you have a support network who understands your sons current behaviours? "
I’m in contact with lots of parents of autistic children and young people, and while our children all have some similar behaviour no one has the self harming to such a degree. So they’re sympathetic and understanding as much as they can be they can’t offer any practical help. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My daughter has self harm to the point of trying to end it all by ODing on pain killer the hospital where more than happy to point us in the right direction Child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS), doctor where great to, she still has a hard time dealing with things to the most little things to us seem to be a very big thing to her, she also has social anxiety x
I’m sorry to hear that, but great that you’ve got help. Just that we’re on the waiting list and have got to wait now, unless he gets worse. X
I hope you get the help you need maybe put in a box some antiseptic wipe and plasters and other things and have it placed in his room, that you know what he is doing and you can only help in some way or other because for what they are doing in their eyes they are doing nothing wrong x"
Yes I will do that, x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have experience with young people and self harm, all you can really do, as heartbreaking as it is, is to ensure it’s done safely, ie sterile apparatus, bandages and wipes etc. Also ensure lines of communication are maintained.
If they are going to do it, they will do it, so as I say ensure he tells you when and where.
Totally agree with this. As hard as it is as a parent to watch your loved ones self harm, it is a coping mechanism which gives release. The worst thing you can do is say 'stop doing that' as it is taking their control away. It's about managing it safely - distraction, elastic bands, ice, big red marker pens, clean cutting implements and ensuring wounds are dressed etc. Also make sure you have support for yourself as a mum and your family. Big hugs x"
I’m trying to get him to try the elastic band, but thank you. I have some great friends both on and off here who are a great help x |
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A huge hug from me to you.
Unfortunately this is something I have recent and continuing experience of. It is absolutely heartbreaking as a mama to watch and feel so helpless. The only thing that is keeping our heads above water is that they have confided in a friend. He assures me they are okay for now and he doesn’t break confidentiality but I know this lifeline has really helped x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A huge hug from me to you.
Unfortunately this is something I have recent and continuing experience of. It is absolutely heartbreaking as a mama to watch and feel so helpless. The only thing that is keeping our heads above water is that they have confided in a friend. He assures me they are okay for now and he doesn’t break confidentiality but I know this lifeline has really helped x"
Thank you lovely, I’m just thankful he came to me when he did it, but I go to bed each night worrying if he’s going to do it again. It’s getting worse with each attempt. I’ve just got to hope we can get through it x |
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By *ax1971Man
over a year ago
St helens |
So sorry Ang......i don't have the answer..... and i really hope you find the help you need.....I know you wont give up helping.... hope you find help real soon....
Your in my thoughts..... big hugs and kisses for a beautiful lady...xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So sorry Ang......i don't have the answer..... and i really hope you find the help you need.....I know you wont give up helping.... hope you find help real soon....
Your in my thoughts..... big hugs and kisses for a beautiful lady...xx"
Thank you max x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I remember thinking parenting was a breeze when mine were younger, the older they've got the more challenging they've got.
My now 14yr old started self harming at 12 - I found the words fat slag etched into her thigh. Her thighs and upper arms are now covered in angry scars, and every time I see them I feel anger, sadness, and a variety of other emotions.
She's used razors, earrings, broken mirror shards and just about everything in between.
Is he perhaps open to talking to the samaritans by phone until suitable help is allocated, took us 18 months to get counselling - and whilst I'm not sure it helped it didn't impact, but it was too late as she had by then been kicked out of mainstream school.
Its hard sitting by, knowing what they are up to, unable to make the pain/anger they feel go away like you could when they were younger.
Sending some virtual hugs and hope you find an alternative to it for your son to help him channel those feelings xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I remember thinking parenting was a breeze when mine were younger, the older they've got the more challenging they've got.
My now 14yr old started self harming at 12 - I found the words fat slag etched into her thigh. Her thighs and upper arms are now covered in angry scars, and every time I see them I feel anger, sadness, and a variety of other emotions.
She's used razors, earrings, broken mirror shards and just about everything in between.
Is he perhaps open to talking to the samaritans by phone until suitable help is allocated, took us 18 months to get counselling - and whilst I'm not sure it helped it didn't impact, but it was too late as she had by then been kicked out of mainstream school.
Its hard sitting by, knowing what they are up to, unable to make the pain/anger they feel go away like you could when they were younger.
Sending some virtual hugs and hope you find an alternative to it for your son to help him channel those feelings xx"
Thank you, no he wouldn’t talk to them. He needs a no nonsense approach rather than softly softly, it’s what he responds to. I’m hoping there’s enough of us around that he can talk to us at anytime. Until he gets professional help. And yes it’s very tough watching them and seeing the results of the pain. Big hugs to you also x |
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"I remember thinking parenting was a breeze when mine were younger, the older they've got the more challenging they've got.
My now 14yr old started self harming at 12 - I found the words fat slag etched into her thigh. Her thighs and upper arms are now covered in angry scars, and every time I see them I feel anger, sadness, and a variety of other emotions.
She's used razors, earrings, broken mirror shards and just about everything in between.
Is he perhaps open to talking to the samaritans by phone until suitable help is allocated, took us 18 months to get counselling - and whilst I'm not sure it helped it didn't impact, but it was too late as she had by then been kicked out of mainstream school.
Its hard sitting by, knowing what they are up to, unable to make the pain/anger they feel go away like you could when they were younger.
Sending some virtual hugs and hope you find an alternative to it for your son to help him channel those feelings xx"
Reading that hit very close to home. Being a parent is bloody difficult. Lots of love x |
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Have you got him a trampoline? The up and down can help. It sounds like he’s either wanting some sensory input or trying to block out an overload. Give him some strong elastic bands on his wrist so he can ping them against his skin. Keep him occupied. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you got him a trampoline? The up and down can help. It sounds like he’s either wanting some sensory input or trying to block out an overload. Give him some strong elastic bands on his wrist so he can ping them against his skin. Keep him occupied. "
He doesn’t like trampolines, yes it’s an overload of emotions that he can’t deal with. His anxiety is bad at night so that’s when it gets to him x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi you may find the Young minds dot org dot UK website helpful.
It's support and advice for young self harmers and their families.
Huge hug of support from me ."
Thank you, I will look that up x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Support and hugs by the bucket load for you.
My daughter also self harmed by way of cutting. I sat her down and explained that how she felt was a temporary thing but the scars she leaves will last a lifetime. It will be a constant reminder of her past and she will end up explaining them to future partners and children.
It seemed to help and I'm not aware of her doing it since.
No professionals have ever helped her and now she's over 18 they just offer her pills and online self help.
Mental health is so badly underfunded.
Good luck and I hope you can find some help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember thinking parenting was a breeze when mine were younger, the older they've got the more challenging they've got.
My now 14yr old started self harming at 12 - I found the words fat slag etched into her thigh. Her thighs and upper arms are now covered in angry scars, and every time I see them I feel anger, sadness, and a variety of other emotions.
She's used razors, earrings, broken mirror shards and just about everything in between.
Is he perhaps open to talking to the samaritans by phone until suitable help is allocated, took us 18 months to get counselling - and whilst I'm not sure it helped it didn't impact, but it was too late as she had by then been kicked out of mainstream school.
Its hard sitting by, knowing what they are up to, unable to make the pain/anger they feel go away like you could when they were younger.
Sending some virtual hugs and hope you find an alternative to it for your son to help him channel those feelings xx
Thank you, no he wouldn’t talk to them. He needs a no nonsense approach rather than softly softly, it’s what he responds to. I’m hoping there’s enough of us around that he can talk to us at anytime. Until he gets professional help. And yes it’s very tough watching them and seeing the results of the pain. Big hugs to you also x "
Just keep communication open with him, it's so hard as they often don't want to talk, fingers crossed the professional help comes soon. Just a thought are there any local charities that offer support for young adults locally to you, I know there is here as the nhs is struggling to cope with demand, might be worth an ask around if you haven't already.
I tried distraction techniques getting her involved in things she would of done when younger to invoke happier memories and thoughts - cooking cakes, long walks, bike rides - it seemed to help temporarily but obviously isn't a long term solution xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I remember thinking parenting was a breeze when mine were younger, the older they've got the more challenging they've got.
My now 14yr old started self harming at 12 - I found the words fat slag etched into her thigh. Her thighs and upper arms are now covered in angry scars, and every time I see them I feel anger, sadness, and a variety of other emotions.
She's used razors, earrings, broken mirror shards and just about everything in between.
Is he perhaps open to talking to the samaritans by phone until suitable help is allocated, took us 18 months to get counselling - and whilst I'm not sure it helped it didn't impact, but it was too late as she had by then been kicked out of mainstream school.
Its hard sitting by, knowing what they are up to, unable to make the pain/anger they feel go away like you could when they were younger.
Sending some virtual hugs and hope you find an alternative to it for your son to help him channel those feelings xx
Thank you, no he wouldn’t talk to them. He needs a no nonsense approach rather than softly softly, it’s what he responds to. I’m hoping there’s enough of us around that he can talk to us at anytime. Until he gets professional help. And yes it’s very tough watching them and seeing the results of the pain. Big hugs to you also x
Just keep communication open with him, it's so hard as they often don't want to talk, fingers crossed the professional help comes soon. Just a thought are there any local charities that offer support for young adults locally to you, I know there is here as the nhs is struggling to cope with demand, might be worth an ask around if you haven't already.
I tried distraction techniques getting her involved in things she would of done when younger to invoke happier memories and thoughts - cooking cakes, long walks, bike rides - it seemed to help temporarily but obviously isn't a long term solution xx "
That’s all I’m trying to do, I’ve told him he can talk to me anytime. No no voluntary groups that he’d go to, he’s very anti social like that. And besides Pokemon and Xbox he doesn’t have any interest in anything else x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember thinking parenting was a breeze when mine were younger, the older they've got the more challenging they've got.
My now 14yr old started self harming at 12 - I found the words fat slag etched into her thigh. Her thighs and upper arms are now covered in angry scars, and every time I see them I feel anger, sadness, and a variety of other emotions.
She's used razors, earrings, broken mirror shards and just about everything in between.
Is he perhaps open to talking to the samaritans by phone until suitable help is allocated, took us 18 months to get counselling - and whilst I'm not sure it helped it didn't impact, but it was too late as she had by then been kicked out of mainstream school.
Its hard sitting by, knowing what they are up to, unable to make the pain/anger they feel go away like you could when they were younger.
Sending some virtual hugs and hope you find an alternative to it for your son to help him channel those feelings xx
Reading that hit very close to home. Being a parent is bloody difficult. Lots of love x"
Parenting is bloody difficult, rewarding, draining, exhilarating, heart breaking, and a joy and sometimes all in one day (we have 4 children). Lots of love back to you xx |
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