FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Frozen by the risk of rejection
Frozen by the risk of rejection
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is it just me....
I see a profile and perhaps fab a picture or send a wink but rarely send a first message.
I do chat with some amazing women but I have already friendzoned myself to avoid the awkward fancy a coffee/sorry, not my type scenario .
How many of us can just throw caution to the wind and take a chance on some nsa fun or do you tie yourself up in knots and miss out on potential meets through fear of rejection? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it just me....
I see a profile and perhaps fab a picture or send a wink but rarely send a first message.
I do chat with some amazing women but I have already friendzoned myself to avoid the awkward fancy a coffee/sorry, not my type scenario .
How many of us can just throw caution to the wind and take a chance on some nsa fun or do you tie yourself up in knots and miss out on potential meets through fear of rejection?"
I only meet if they ultimately marry me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to always get it wrong in a message. The last message I sent I got slated because it’s a question that all men ask apparently. She then went onto the forum to discuss it with everyone.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tend to always get it wrong in a message. The last message I sent I got slated because it’s a question that all men ask apparently. She then went onto the forum to discuss it with everyone. "
That’s a bit mean |
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I don't mind polite rejection or no reply at all, it's the keyboard warriors that annoy me, who feel it's their god given right to send an abusive reply because of whatever lame excuse takes their fancy that day... |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I'll happily throw caution to the wind, message someone, point them in the direction of my profile and see if they fancy a coffee  
Any tips for getting around an age filter?"
Do you mean to be able to message me? My age range is 33-54, so there must be another reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Balls to it. The thing is the internet is very black and white and lacks depth - its very disposable. I'd be more upset (but I'd get over it) by being rejected after meeting face to face than online. Really doesn't bother me. Just enjoy it and relax  |
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"Is it just me....
I see a profile and perhaps fab a picture or send a wink but rarely send a first message.
I do chat with some amazing women but I have already friendzoned myself to avoid the awkward fancy a coffee/sorry, not my type scenario .
How many of us can just throw caution to the wind and take a chance on some nsa fun or do you tie yourself up in knots and miss out on potential meets through fear of rejection?"
If I like I will message someone whats the worse that can happen, maybe abuse or rejection but I am a big girl I have no problem with rejection. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I was really crap at it a few months - worried I wouldn't get any positive responses etc but now I just think fuck it and go for it and I've had nothing but positive. So maybe sometimes it's really in your head and the reality is something different. |
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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago
North West Devon... |
We or I got a polite “ really sorry you are not my type” last week and 2 days after, he sent me a message asking if he could change his mind as the woman he was more interested in, stood him up.....what is worse being rejected or being a unwanted reserve......lol......  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was really crap at it a few months - worried I wouldn't get any positive responses etc but now I just think fuck it and go for it and I've had nothing but positive. So maybe sometimes it's really in your head and the reality is something different."
 There's a switch in my head somewhere that makes me tremble at the thought of approaching a beautiful stranger to say hi. Once I find out how to switch that off I'm sure I'll be absolutely fine.
There's this guy who comes into my local cafe a lot and he's clearly got mental issues. His "thing" is to go up to every beautiful young woman in the cafe and just blast straight into a conversation with them as if he's known them all his life. Whilst it clearly surprises and unsettles some, most buy into it and are perfectly polite back to him. Sometimes it's quite surprising. He'll weigh into them about not hanging the red towels up or something and they'll just blush and say nice things back.
I know it's a bad example. But it just shows how women just aren't going to bite your hand off and laugh at you like they might have done in the school playground. There are similar online videos to help you get over your fear of looking an idiot, with guys hopping up on one leg to ask women out and shit like that, and the results are often surprising. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was really crap at it a few months - worried I wouldn't get any positive responses etc but now I just think fuck it and go for it and I've had nothing but positive. So maybe sometimes it's really in your head and the reality is something different.
There's a switch in my head somewhere that makes me tremble at the thought of approaching a beautiful stranger to say hi. Once I find out how to switch that off I'm sure I'll be absolutely fine.
There's this guy who comes into my local cafe a lot and he's clearly got mental issues. His "thing" is to go up to every beautiful young woman in the cafe and just blast straight into a conversation with them as if he's known them all his life. Whilst it clearly surprises and unsettles some, most buy into it and are perfectly polite back to him. Sometimes it's quite surprising. He'll weigh into them about not hanging the red towels up or something and they'll just blush and say nice things back.
I know it's a bad example. But it just shows how women just aren't going to bite your hand off and laugh at you like they might have done in the school playground. There are similar online videos to help you get over your fear of looking an idiot, with guys hopping up on one leg to ask women out and shit like that, and the results are often surprising. "
When I was a young scamp that frequented pubs & clubs, I would speak to as many women as possible without a care in the world for rejection. It was always a numbers game in that regard - I know that makes me sound like a terrible human but it was, and still is on a site like this.
You put yourself out there and get shot down, so what? You move on to the next. The exact same can be said of this site. |
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"I tend to always get it wrong in a message. The last message I sent I got slated because it’s a question that all men ask apparently. She then went onto the forum to discuss it with everyone. "
I wouldn't worry,you wouldn't want to meet that type of person anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rejection online off a stranger by way of a first message means nothing to me. My fear of rejection is more to do with real life interaction and face to face stuff. I'd never go up to a guy I fancied in real life and ask him out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Rejection online off a stranger by way of a first message means nothing to me. My fear of rejection is more to do with real life interaction and face to face stuff. I'd never go up to a guy I fancied in real life and ask him out. "
Really? I do all the time. I often ask people for their number if we've chatted and got along, and I don't just mean in pubs etc.
What's the worst that can happen? You won't lose an eye |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rejection online off a stranger by way of a first message means nothing to me. My fear of rejection is more to do with real life interaction and face to face stuff. I'd never go up to a guy I fancied in real life and ask him out. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was really crap at it a few months - worried I wouldn't get any positive responses etc but now I just think fuck it and go for it and I've had nothing but positive. So maybe sometimes it's really in your head and the reality is something different.
There's a switch in my head somewhere that makes me tremble at the thought of approaching a beautiful stranger to say hi. Once I find out how to switch that off I'm sure I'll be absolutely fine.
There's this guy who comes into my local cafe a lot and he's clearly got mental issues. His "thing" is to go up to every beautiful young woman in the cafe and just blast straight into a conversation with them as if he's known them all his life. Whilst it clearly surprises and unsettles some, most buy into it and are perfectly polite back to him. Sometimes it's quite surprising. He'll weigh into them about not hanging the red towels up or something and they'll just blush and say nice things back.
I know it's a bad example. But it just shows how women just aren't going to bite your hand off and laugh at you like they might have done in the school playground. There are similar online videos to help you get over your fear of looking an idiot, with guys hopping up on one leg to ask women out and shit like that, and the results are often surprising.
When I was a young scamp that frequented pubs & clubs, I would speak to as many women as possible without a care in the world for rejection. It was always a numbers game in that regard - I know that makes me sound like a terrible human but it was, and still is on a site like this.
You put yourself out there and get shot down, so what? You move on to the next. The exact same can be said of this site."
I think there are various ways you can reduce your fear of talking to beautiful strangers and perhaps talking to lots of women can help. I definitely believe in warming up when you go out. But I'm a pretty friendly guy anyway so that comes naturally to me. However...
I don't believe in this numbers game mentality. I prefer to focus on only one or two women who I like and invest some time and energy into connecting with them. Don't get me wrong I'd be quite happy to go speed dating or walk into a crowded room filled with single women. But I very quickly figure out who stands out from the crowd and my focus naturally settles on them. It might not seem like that on the forums as it's flirt central on here. But I'm much more focused in real life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Rejection online off a stranger by way of a first message means nothing to me. My fear of rejection is more to do with real life interaction and face to face stuff. I'd never go up to a guy I fancied in real life and ask him out. "
This is what I'm trying to change about myself. I still haven't done it once yet. But I'm definitely laying the ground work for it. Fingers crossed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was really crap at it a few months - worried I wouldn't get any positive responses etc but now I just think fuck it and go for it and I've had nothing but positive. So maybe sometimes it's really in your head and the reality is something different.
There's a switch in my head somewhere that makes me tremble at the thought of approaching a beautiful stranger to say hi. Once I find out how to switch that off I'm sure I'll be absolutely fine.
There's this guy who comes into my local cafe a lot and he's clearly got mental issues. His "thing" is to go up to every beautiful young woman in the cafe and just blast straight into a conversation with them as if he's known them all his life. Whilst it clearly surprises and unsettles some, most buy into it and are perfectly polite back to him. Sometimes it's quite surprising. He'll weigh into them about not hanging the red towels up or something and they'll just blush and say nice things back.
I know it's a bad example. But it just shows how women just aren't going to bite your hand off and laugh at you like they might have done in the school playground. There are similar online videos to help you get over your fear of looking an idiot, with guys hopping up on one leg to ask women out and shit like that, and the results are often surprising.
When I was a young scamp that frequented pubs & clubs, I would speak to as many women as possible without a care in the world for rejection. It was always a numbers game in that regard - I know that makes me sound like a terrible human but it was, and still is on a site like this.
You put yourself out there and get shot down, so what? You move on to the next. The exact same can be said of this site.
I think there are various ways you can reduce your fear of talking to beautiful strangers and perhaps talking to lots of women can help. I definitely believe in warming up when you go out. But I'm a pretty friendly guy anyway so that comes naturally to me. However...
I don't believe in this numbers game mentality. I prefer to focus on only one or two women who I like and invest some time and energy into connecting with them. Don't get me wrong I'd be quite happy to go speed dating or walk into a crowded room filled with single women. But I very quickly figure out who stands out from the crowd and my focus naturally settles on them. It might not seem like that on the forums as it's flirt central on here. But I'm much more focused in real life "
Agreed. What I meant about this site is that the vast majority of messages go unread - hence numbers game. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes I’m brave and will send the first message, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at times. But If anyone says no I just accept it for what it is. Can’t be to everyone’s taste x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not frozen by the fear of rejection, but sometimes won’t even bother to contact someone if I look at their veris list and it’s all gym fit young hunks etc.
Basically I’m just saving both of our times as I’m clearly not going to be the type they go for, and time is precious don’t you think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don’t ask you don’t get. I have only met one person off this site, and that was a while ago with a different profile.
But I keep trying, why the fuck not? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I just think what is there to lose?
It's not like I have any dignity left anyway."
My dignity went a long time ago. Why else would I put on heels to get fabs and winks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just think what is there to lose?
It's not like I have any dignity left anyway.
My dignity went a long time ago. Why else would I put on heels to get fabs and winks!"
|
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By *ot-AshMan
over a year ago
London |
I often take time to write a decent msg on the rare occasion i see a profile i like but then get cold feet and delete it before hitting the send button not because i cant handle rejection as used to it by now but don't think will be their type! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I currently have a 100% failure ratio with sending messages. I think I sent three friendly ones the other day just to say hi and all of them were read and deleted without a response.
You just get to the point where you expect that and you either stop or you start throwing out "hey remember to buy some fish fingers" one liners just to watch them get swallowed up in the black hole of other people's inboxes.
The whole exercise of messaging people on here just feels like a slash and burn process of slowly losing more and more opportunities until they're all gone.
Oops was that a bit moaney? |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I currently have a 100% failure ratio with sending messages. I think I sent three friendly ones the other day just to say hi and all of them were read and deleted without a response.
You just get to the point where you expect that and you either stop or you start throwing out "hey remember to buy some fish fingers" one liners just to watch them get swallowed up in the black hole of other people's inboxes.
The whole exercise of messaging people on here just feels like a slash and burn process of slowly losing more and more opportunities until they're all gone.
Oops was that a bit moaney? "
I'm surprised that you say you have a 100% failure rate on here. Wtf are you saying in the messages you send?!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I currently have a 100% failure ratio with sending messages. I think I sent three friendly ones the other day just to say hi and all of them were read and deleted without a response.
You just get to the point where you expect that and you either stop or you start throwing out "hey remember to buy some fish fingers" one liners just to watch them get swallowed up in the black hole of other people's inboxes.
The whole exercise of messaging people on here just feels like a slash and burn process of slowly losing more and more opportunities until they're all gone.
Oops was that a bit moaney?
I'm surprised that you say you have a 100% failure rate on here. Wtf are you saying in the messages you send?! "
I know! I'm getting rather paranoid  I just try and write something nice friendly and thoughtful. You know... something that has potential. But it's almost invariably deleted. Clearly something isn't working for me  But to be fair I think it's most guy's experience. So I don't take it to heart |
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"I currently have a 100% failure ratio with sending messages. I think I sent three friendly ones the other day just to say hi and all of them were read and deleted without a response.
You just get to the point where you expect that and you either stop or you start throwing out "hey remember to buy some fish fingers" one liners just to watch them get swallowed up in the black hole of other people's inboxes.
The whole exercise of messaging people on here just feels like a slash and burn process of slowly losing more and more opportunities until they're all gone.
Oops was that a bit moaney?
I'm surprised that you say you have a 100% failure rate on here. Wtf are you saying in the messages you send?!
I know! I'm getting rather paranoid I just try and write something nice friendly and thoughtful. You know... something that has potential. But it's almost invariably deleted. Clearly something isn't working for me But to be fair I think it's most guy's experience. So I don't take it to heart "
You should try the line "R U Free"
The ladies go wild for it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I currently have a 100% failure ratio with sending messages. I think I sent three friendly ones the other day just to say hi and all of them were read and deleted without a response.
You just get to the point where you expect that and you either stop or you start throwing out "hey remember to buy some fish fingers" one liners just to watch them get swallowed up in the black hole of other people's inboxes.
The whole exercise of messaging people on here just feels like a slash and burn process of slowly losing more and more opportunities until they're all gone.
Oops was that a bit moaney? "
A wise French man, told me to let them come to you. I never message first now. There has been some gorgeous local women that have come out of nowhere and you think where have you been hiding. Luckierly they stay clear of the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I currently have a 100% failure ratio with sending messages. I think I sent three friendly ones the other day just to say hi and all of them were read and deleted without a response.
You just get to the point where you expect that and you either stop or you start throwing out "hey remember to buy some fish fingers" one liners just to watch them get swallowed up in the black hole of other people's inboxes.
The whole exercise of messaging people on here just feels like a slash and burn process of slowly losing more and more opportunities until they're all gone.
Oops was that a bit moaney? "
That would be a brilliant message. Fish finger reminder. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tie myself up in knots. Or as a lovely Fab friend pointed out, I deliberately put people off me.
Life is happier when there's no-one telling me to fuck off. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I tie myself up in knots. Or as a lovely Fab friend pointed out, I deliberately put people off me.
Life is happier when there's no-one telling me to fuck off. "
My profile is carefully crafted for the fuck off effect. I sometimes forget I joined fab for the Fuck Me effect.
|
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I used to be tentative about messaging guys I really liked the look of, didn't want them to think I was trying to punch above my weight. But there was a thread about messaging someone on your hotlist and just telling them, did it and got such a great response I got over my fear and now message anyone I want to. Never check my sent messages though so don't worry if I never get a reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to be tentative about messaging guys I really liked the look of, didn't want them to think I was trying to punch above my weight. But there was a thread about messaging someone on your hotlist and just telling them, did it and got such a great response I got over my fear and now message anyone I want to. Never check my sent messages though so don't worry if I never get a reply. "
If you ever feel like sending me a message, I'll definitely reply |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I’m not worried about rejection, if it happens then it happens. I’m just not a fan of messaging men first. It’s scary stuff! I have done it a couple of times but I can’t really see me doing it on a regular basis. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m not worried about rejection, if it happens then it happens. I’m just not a fan of messaging men first. It’s scary stuff! I have done it a couple of times but I can’t really see me doing it on a regular basis. "
Me neither. I think I’ve done it once! |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Is it just me....
I see a profile and perhaps fab a picture or send a wink but rarely send a first message.
I do chat with some amazing women but I have already friendzoned myself to avoid the awkward fancy a coffee/sorry, not my type scenario .
How many of us can just throw caution to the wind and take a chance on some nsa fun or do you tie yourself up in knots and miss out on potential meets through fear of rejection?"
You miss 100% percent of the shots you don't take is my motto. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I tie myself up in knots. Or as a lovely Fab friend pointed out, I deliberately put people off me.
Life is happier when there's no-one telling me to fuck off.
My profile is carefully crafted for the fuck off effect. I sometimes forget I joined fab for the Fuck Me effect.
"
I think yours is pretty good actually.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I tie myself up in knots. Or as a lovely Fab friend pointed out, I deliberately put people off me.
Life is happier when there's no-one telling me to fuck off.
My profile is carefully crafted for the fuck off effect. I sometimes forget I joined fab for the Fuck Me effect.
I think yours is pretty good actually. "
You are too kind |
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"I used to be tentative about messaging guys I really liked the look of, didn't want them to think I was trying to punch above my weight. But there was a thread about messaging someone on your hotlist and just telling them, did it and got such a great response I got over my fear and now message anyone I want to. Never check my sent messages though so don't worry if I never get a reply.
If you ever feel like sending me a message, I'll definitely reply"
If you weren't the other side of the country I'd have messaged long ago! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I see someone that I fancy, then I send them a message. If they reject me then so what, it's no big deal.
People who truly can't handle rejection should think twice about being on here. |
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I must admit I've pretty much given up on messaging, due to lack of response but it'd be nice to think that someone out there likes the look of me enough to make the first move......plz someone make the first move lol! |
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I suffered with this, as stated by many people on here rejection is a big part of being on Fab.
I thought women on here wouldnt give me the time of day or out of their league. When sometimes its the complete opposite.
People have different preferances etc. Very hard for anyone to know you just from a pic and a message.
Just keep trying |
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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"Is it just me....
I see a profile and perhaps fab a picture or send a wink but rarely send a first message.
I do chat with some amazing women but I have already friendzoned myself to avoid the awkward fancy a coffee/sorry, not my type scenario .
How many of us can just throw caution to the wind and take a chance on some nsa fun or do you tie yourself up in knots and miss out on potential meets through fear of rejection?"
Offer coffee and follow it up with cake!! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I very rarely send "cold" messages to people I've not interacted with on the forums, not because I'm scared of rejection, but because I find that whole method of getting to know people a little clinical.
Those I do interact with though (forumites or otherwise), it can take ages for me to suggest meeting, and usually doesn't happen until I am 99.9% certain that it will be welcomed, which is partly fear of rejection I guess and partly being aware that my time to meet is limited, so want to be sure there's a connection and chemistry in place and that I *want* to meet that person before suggesting it. |
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