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When you’re upset...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"By being completely left alone. No one speaking to me or asking me any questions.
Nods.
*tiptoes out*
You're fine, I'm not upset at the moment. "
Jolly good  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends. Sometimes a big cuddle from my husband helps, and my dogs all cuddle me too (especially if I’m crying - they all bring me a toy, Benji will bring every single toy possible).
But sometimes if I’m upset and don’t want to cry, I’ll just do something to take my mind off of it. If my husband even holds my hand or cuddles me, I know that I’ll burst into tears.
I’d love a cuddle from my mum but she works long hours and isn’t an affectionate person at all (due to her upbringing and childhood). So it isn’t really doable.
When I got on with my mother in-law, she used to give the absolute best cuddle. Sometimes when I’m upset (even if it’s because of her, the majority of the time it is) I miss her cuddles. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Depends what has upset me. If it's someone I care about I want to talk it through and sort it out as soon as I can. If I'm upset with myself I'll tend to brood and just want my own space "
Yes, that’s an important distinction (the source of the upset) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cuddles.
Rare it happens though, my Mum was only ever allowed that.
I don't like showing my vulnerable side. Not sure how to react when others try to comfort me. I'm the comforter,never the comfortee. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends. Sometimes a big cuddle from my husband helps, and my dogs all cuddle me too (especially if I’m crying - they all bring me a toy, Benji will bring every single toy possible).
But sometimes if I’m upset and don’t want to cry, I’ll just do something to take my mind off of it. If my husband even holds my hand or cuddles me, I know that I’ll burst into tears.
I’d love a cuddle from my mum but she works long hours and isn’t an affectionate person at all (due to her upbringing and childhood). So it isn’t really doable.
When I got on with my mother in-law, she used to give the absolute best cuddle. Sometimes when I’m upset (even if it’s because of her, the majority of the time it is) I miss her cuddles. "
Cuddle for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I vary as to how upset I am and what I'm upset about. Sometimes I just need a cry on my own and I'm fine. Other times the best remedy is a good cry with my best friend, a big hug then having laughter through my tears. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends. Sometimes a big cuddle from my husband helps, and my dogs all cuddle me too (especially if I’m crying - they all bring me a toy, Benji will bring every single toy possible).
But sometimes if I’m upset and don’t want to cry, I’ll just do something to take my mind off of it. If my husband even holds my hand or cuddles me, I know that I’ll burst into tears.
I’d love a cuddle from my mum but she works long hours and isn’t an affectionate person at all (due to her upbringing and childhood). So it isn’t really doable.
When I got on with my mother in-law, she used to give the absolute best cuddle. Sometimes when I’m upset (even if it’s because of her, the majority of the time it is) I miss her cuddles.
Cuddle for you."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Cuddles.
Rare it happens though, my Mum was only ever allowed that.
I don't like showing my vulnerable side. Not sure how to react when others try to comfort me. I'm the comforter,never the comfortee."
That’s a hard position to always be in though. Cuddles you, no reaction needed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I vary as to how upset I am and what I'm upset about. Sometimes I just need a cry on my own and I'm fine. Other times the best remedy is a good cry with my best friend, a big hug then having laughter through my tears."
Laughter and tears and snot is the best
I appreciate I added the snot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?"
You need to up your game, that's a rubbish question.
I mean there's a; upset because your team has lost and b; upset because the milkman has driven over your dog. You can't just say "hot do you cope with upset". It's a bit like asking how you feel after a laceration. Are we talking a paper cut or is a limb hanging off.
Incidentally, a; key somebody's car, b; start buying my milk from Patel's mini-mart. More vengeance than comforting but they're willing bedfellows all the same.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cuddles.
Rare it happens though, my Mum was only ever allowed that.
I don't like showing my vulnerable side. Not sure how to react when others try to comfort me. I'm the comforter,never the comfortee.
That’s a hard position to always be in though. Cuddles you, no reaction needed."
 xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nothing is better than a MummyHug.
No matter how you old you are.
I've driven 250miles just to spend a couple of hours cuddled up with mine, when I needed a shoulder to cry on "
Bless you! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?
You need to up your game, that's a rubbish question.
I mean there's a; upset because your team has lost and b; upset because the milkman has driven over your dog. You can't just say "hot do you cope with upset". It's a bit like asking how you feel after a laceration. Are we talking a paper cut or is a limb hanging off.
Incidentally, a; key somebody's car, b; start buying my milk from Patel's mini-mart. More vengeance than comforting but they're willing bedfellows all the same.
"
Ahhhh but you see sometimes you lead too much at the outset and you don’t get the range of answers and comments elucidating how people read it and want to respond to it.
But just for you, how would you like to be comforted if your kitchen took another ten weeks to get sorted?  |
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Hmmm, I'm unsure.
I think I could probably do with getting a punch bag as when I'm upset I feel the emotion building like an earthquake and for once it's not wind. I think a physical release would do me good, not a walk, or anything peaceful, but I need to explode. |
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"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?"
Depends what I'm upset about and who's there to offer solace.
My "go to" people are gone. I sort out my own shit, I don't share easy.
What about you op? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmmm, I'm unsure.
I think I could probably do with getting a punch bag as when I'm upset I feel the emotion building like an earthquake and for once it's not wind. I think a physical release would do me good, not a walk, or anything peaceful, but I need to explode. "
I have one! It’s wonderful! Do it, do it, do it!
You can put people’s faces (or similar) on there too.  |
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"Hmmm, I'm unsure.
I think I could probably do with getting a punch bag as when I'm upset I feel the emotion building like an earthquake and for once it's not wind. I think a physical release would do me good, not a walk, or anything peaceful, but I need to explode.
I have one! It’s wonderful! Do it, do it, do it!
You can put people’s faces (or similar) on there too. "
Passport is my next investment purchase, then punch bag |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the cause of the upset if its external that others share/can see I'm quite okay with hugs/something nice said/being given a task or objective.
If its internal, head space wise, I really don't know. I brood and mope and close myself off and it takes me time to recognise I'm doing it, so not sure how I'd react. |
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"Hmmm, I'm unsure.
I think I could probably do with getting a punch bag as when I'm upset I feel the emotion building like an earthquake and for once it's not wind. I think a physical release would do me good, not a walk, or anything peaceful, but I need to explode.
I have one! It’s wonderful! Do it, do it, do it!
You can put people’s faces (or similar) on there too.
Passport is my next investment purchase, then punch bag "
I used to play ice hockey and the release was wonderful. I don't have a physical release anymore so I really do think I need one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hmmm, I'm unsure.
I think I could probably do with getting a punch bag as when I'm upset I feel the emotion building like an earthquake and for once it's not wind. I think a physical release would do me good, not a walk, or anything peaceful, but I need to explode.
I have one! It’s wonderful! Do it, do it, do it!
You can put people’s faces (or similar) on there too.
Passport is my next investment purchase, then punch bag "
When I lived in Germany my dad used our attic as a gym. He had made his own punch bag out of an old mattress which he rolled up and used strong gafatape to hold it in place, then wrapped old duvets around it and gafa’ed that up too. Unsure how he managed to hang it from the ceiling |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hmmm, I'm unsure.
I think I could probably do with getting a punch bag as when I'm upset I feel the emotion building like an earthquake and for once it's not wind. I think a physical release would do me good, not a walk, or anything peaceful, but I need to explode.
I have one! It’s wonderful! Do it, do it, do it!
You can put people’s faces (or similar) on there too.
Passport is my next investment purchase, then punch bag "
Holiday!! |
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"Hmmm, I'm unsure.
I think I could probably do with getting a punch bag as when I'm upset I feel the emotion building like an earthquake and for once it's not wind. I think a physical release would do me good, not a walk, or anything peaceful, but I need to explode.
I have one! It’s wonderful! Do it, do it, do it!
You can put people’s faces (or similar) on there too.
Passport is my next investment purchase, then punch bag
Holiday!!"
Short break |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Depends on the cause of the upset if its external that others share/can see I'm quite okay with hugs/something nice said/being given a task or objective.
If its internal, head space wise, I really don't know. I brood and mope and close myself off and it takes me time to recognise I'm doing it, so not sure how I'd react."
Heads are a funny place. Funny weird not funny ha ha. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?
You need to up your game, that's a rubbish question.
I mean there's a; upset because your team has lost and b; upset because the milkman has driven over your dog. You can't just say "hot do you cope with upset". It's a bit like asking how you feel after a laceration. Are we talking a paper cut or is a limb hanging off.
Incidentally, a; key somebody's car, b; start buying my milk from Patel's mini-mart. More vengeance than comforting but they're willing bedfellows all the same.
Ahhhh but you see sometimes you lead too much at the outset and you don’t get the range of answers and comments elucidating how people read it and want to respond to it.
But just for you, how would you like to be comforted if your kitchen took another ten weeks to get sorted? "
In 10 weeks time I'll be elucidating on the beach, I won't be giving too much of a toss about my kitchen.
I don't get upset about things that most other people would.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on the cause of the upset if its external that others share/can see I'm quite okay with hugs/something nice said/being given a task or objective.
If its internal, head space wise, I really don't know. I brood and mope and close myself off and it takes me time to recognise I'm doing it, so not sure how I'd react.
Heads are a funny place. Funny weird not funny ha ha. "
Very much so. My last voyage of discovery was part of my head trying to convince me that if I was an island I won't have to discuss my thoughts/feelings with anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hugs are best with me or listening to music.
Any tunes in particular?"
Depends how I feel at the time.
Mostly when if I’m upset kaiser chiefs everyday I love you less and less comes up.
Mixed with the killers or some 60’s hits.
Or randomly once I listened to Eminem |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Aww I miss my mum but even when she was around, she let me get the over the initial upset on my own and then I'd talk about half an hour later. "
She sounds wise.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?
You need to up your game, that's a rubbish question.
I mean there's a; upset because your team has lost and b; upset because the milkman has driven over your dog. You can't just say "hot do you cope with upset". It's a bit like asking how you feel after a laceration. Are we talking a paper cut or is a limb hanging off.
Incidentally, a; key somebody's car, b; start buying my milk from Patel's mini-mart. More vengeance than comforting but they're willing bedfellows all the same.
Ahhhh but you see sometimes you lead too much at the outset and you don’t get the range of answers and comments elucidating how people read it and want to respond to it.
But just for you, how would you like to be comforted if your kitchen took another ten weeks to get sorted?
In 10 weeks time I'll be elucidating on the beach, I won't be giving too much of a toss about my kitchen.
I don't get upset about things that most other people would.
"
It’s good to keep things in perspective |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Depends on the cause of the upset if its external that others share/can see I'm quite okay with hugs/something nice said/being given a task or objective.
If its internal, head space wise, I really don't know. I brood and mope and close myself off and it takes me time to recognise I'm doing it, so not sure how I'd react.
Heads are a funny place. Funny weird not funny ha ha.
Very much so. My last voyage of discovery was part of my head trying to convince me that if I was an island I won't have to discuss my thoughts/feelings with anyone else. "
I am a rock... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How upset are we talking?
Temazepam and my bed.
Im with u on the Tamazipam and shutting the entite world out for awhile x"
Can I entice you into Lib’s bed for some destressing? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hugs are best with me or listening to music.
Any tunes in particular?
Depends how I feel at the time.
Mostly when if I’m upset kaiser chiefs everyday I love you less and less comes up.
Mixed with the killers or some 60’s hits.
Or randomly once I listened to Eminem "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How upset are we talking?
Temazepam and my bed.
Im with u on the Tamazipam and shutting the entite world out for awhile x
Can I entice you into Lib’s bed for some destressing? "
Are you trying to pimp me out?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hugs are best with me or listening to music.
Any tunes in particular?
Depends how I feel at the time.
Mostly when if I’m upset kaiser chiefs everyday I love you less and less comes up.
Mixed with the killers or some 60’s hits.
Or randomly once I listened to Eminem
"
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How upset are we talking?
Temazepam and my bed.
Im with u on the Tamazipam and shutting the entite world out for awhile x
Can I entice you into Lib’s bed for some destressing?
Are you trying to pimp me out? "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
For what it's worth; I had upset in my life last year. I walked the dog..and walked him...and walked him.
And then d*unk vodka.
That was my nightly routine for about 6 weeks. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For what it's worth; I had upset in my life last year. I walked the dog..and walked him...and walked him.
And then d*unk vodka.
That was my nightly routine for about 6 weeks."
Dogs are brilliant. I’ll forgo the vodka. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Cuddles, food, having my hair stroked or my back rubbed. My mum used to be the absolute best at that. I don’t always want to talk but I always want to know that someone will listen if I do. "
That’s an exceptionally good point. It’s knowing there’s support there should you want more, not necessarily having the doing always. Hair stroking is lovely. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I need to be left alone or my wicked tounge can be vicious and cause more upset "
People can lash out when they’re hurt (hearts or egos etc), that’s true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?
Depends what I'm upset about and who's there to offer solace.
My "go to" people are gone. I sort out my own shit, I don't share easy.
What about you op?"
Did you find the answers you were looking for ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?
Depends what I'm upset about and who's there to offer solace.
My "go to" people are gone. I sort out my own shit, I don't share easy.
What about you op?
Did you find the answers you were looking for ?"
I don’t think he asked the question he wanted to.  |
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It depends on the upset.
Overthinking, nothing is going to work (or be right). Leave me alone and I'll think you don't care, force me to talk and I'll say horrible things.
If I'm upset about a situation, then just leave me alone. I'll come to you if I need anything. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends on the upset.
Overthinking, nothing is going to work (or be right). Leave me alone and I'll think you don't care, force me to talk and I'll say horrible things.
If I'm upset about a situation, then just leave me alone. I'll come to you if I need anything."
Waves, as is unsure how else to respond |
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"It depends on the upset.
Overthinking, nothing is going to work (or be right). Leave me alone and I'll think you don't care, force me to talk and I'll say horrible things.
If I'm upset about a situation, then just leave me alone. I'll come to you if I need anything."
Oh, and lots of crisps (Pringles if I can), chocolate, biscuits, cream cakes, or ice cream etc.
For either situation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It depends on the upset.
Overthinking, nothing is going to work (or be right). Leave me alone and I'll think you don't care, force me to talk and I'll say horrible things.
If I'm upset about a situation, then just leave me alone. I'll come to you if I need anything.
Oh, and lots of crisps (Pringles if I can), chocolate, biscuits, cream cakes, or ice cream etc.
For either situation."
*pop*
Offers you a Pringle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Given that most people only want me to stop being upset so that I'm not bringing them down, I'd rather be left alone.
If you're not there for the benefit of the person who's upset, just fuck off. |
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"I need to be left alone or my wicked tounge can be vicious and cause more upset
People can lash out when they’re hurt (hearts or egos etc), that’s true."
Yes hurting others because i hurt! I really need to be a real grown up lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Given that most people only want me to stop being upset so that I'm not bringing them down, I'd rather be left alone.
If you're not there for the benefit of the person who's upset, just fuck off."
*offers you a cheese and pickle sandwich* |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I need to be left alone or my wicked tounge can be vicious and cause more upset
People can lash out when they’re hurt (hearts or egos etc), that’s true.
Yes hurting others because i hurt! I really need to be a real grown up lol "
Adulting is hard work, we all fuck it up all the time! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need to be left alone or my wicked tounge can be vicious and cause more upset
People can lash out when they’re hurt (hearts or egos etc), that’s true.
Yes hurting others because i hurt! I really need to be a real grown up lol "
Careful you may get a spank for being a naughty girl  |
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"It depends on the upset.
Overthinking, nothing is going to work (or be right). Leave me alone and I'll think you don't care, force me to talk and I'll say horrible things.
If I'm upset about a situation, then just leave me alone. I'll come to you if I need anything.
Waves, as is unsure how else to respond "
I'm ok at the moment |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It depends on the upset.
Overthinking, nothing is going to work (or be right). Leave me alone and I'll think you don't care, force me to talk and I'll say horrible things.
If I'm upset about a situation, then just leave me alone. I'll come to you if I need anything.
Waves, as is unsure how else to respond
I'm ok at the moment "
Jolly good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it's just normal upset-upset or depressed-upset, I crave physical touch with someone I can trust. Could be sexual, could be non-sexual in nature. Just don't leave me alone to stew in it and overthink, and give me the affirmation I need to regain my footing emotionally.
If it's full-blown depression or rage as I have been going through for the past couple weeks, just keep in constant contact with me, but don't get too close because in my wounded state oftentimes I wouldn't care about who or what I hurt, as long as it lets me vent it out. Let me process things through in due time, be there on the days when I crash and be there on the days where I go into a manic mood rebound. I used to think sex would help with everything for me, but now I realise for myself that even for me there's a limit past which I'm so out of it that sex is something I'm incapable of doing.
In short: when I'm upset, depending on the severity, treat me as you would a wounded lion with several spears stuck into its back. Keep a distance, but don't run from me. Understand that the more I try to push people away the more it's my way of trying to get attention and help in my own twisted and broken manner. I constantly feel massive guilt whenever I find myself having no choice but to accept help and care from others. Just recognise my fragility and slowly help me piece myself back together. And most importantly, stay by me. Don't leave me alone. |
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"Given that most people only want me to stop being upset so that I'm not bringing them down, I'd rather be left alone.
If you're not there for the benefit of the person who's upset, just fuck off."
No, we want you to be happy. There is a difference |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If it's just normal upset-upset or depressed-upset, I crave physical touch with someone I can trust. Could be sexual, could be non-sexual in nature. Just don't leave me alone to stew in it and overthink, and give me the affirmation I need to regain my footing emotionally.
If it's full-blown depression or rage as I have been going through for the past couple weeks, just keep in constant contact with me, but don't get too close because in my wounded state oftentimes I wouldn't care about who or what I hurt, as long as it lets me vent it out. Let me process things through in due time, be there on the days when I crash and be there on the days where I go into a manic mood rebound. I used to think sex would help with everything for me, but now I realise for myself that even for me there's a limit past which I'm so out of it that sex is something I'm incapable of doing.
In short: when I'm upset, depending on the severity, treat me as you would a wounded lion with several spears stuck into its back. Keep a distance, but don't run from me. Understand that the more I try to push people away the more it's my way of trying to get attention and help in my own twisted and broken manner. I constantly feel massive guilt whenever I find myself having no choice but to accept help and care from others. Just recognise my fragility and slowly help me piece myself back together. And most importantly, stay by me. Don't leave me alone. "
That’s beautifully articulated. And sorry to read you’ve been struggling recently. Sending you well wishes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just to add on: I realise this is probably gonna kill my chances of being a desirable swinging partner on Fab for a bit. "
Or demonstrate your ability to be at ease with being vulnerable rather than portraying false bravado or attacking others as is more often the case with people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends why I'm upset. If it's at myself then I could do with someone who will listen and reassure me when I question myself and my worth. If I'm feeling that way then I don't want touched or to feel smothered.
If someone or something else has upset me then a hug might be welcomed but I will probably not want to talk about it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Depends why I'm upset. If it's at myself then I could do with someone who will listen and reassure me when I question myself and my worth. If I'm feeling that way then I don't want touched or to feel smothered.
If someone or something else has upset me then a hug might be welcomed but I will probably not want to talk about it. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add on: I realise this is probably gonna kill my chances of being a desirable swinging partner on Fab for a bit.
Or demonstrate your ability to be at ease with being vulnerable rather than portraying false bravado or attacking others as is more often the case with people. "
No offence, when was the last time any woman on Fab found a guy who is in touch with his inner self or able to be vulnerable when it matters to be attractive? Most of the time it's studly overt masculinity that women on here look for and want. People would rather pick someone here with bravado on the surface than someone with cracks because nobody likes to play Ms Fixer-Upper/Doctor on a site where the overt intention is to just find a compatible partner or couple to have crazy sex with.
But at this current point, I guess I've gone past the stage of caring about keeping a veneer up to try and hold things together like a man would. What's been going on in my life for the past year culminating in the horror show for the past three weeks or so has pushed me beyond my breaking point. I'm not alright. I came back to Fab thinking this was my old safe harbour, my old familiar grounds, only to find that most of the people and scene I once knew were all gone or moved on anyway.
Sorry, that didn't make much sense did it?
Thanks for the hug and well wishes by the way. I haven't been on the receiving end of understanding and kindness for too long in any form. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just to add on: I realise this is probably gonna kill my chances of being a desirable swinging partner on Fab for a bit.
Or demonstrate your ability to be at ease with being vulnerable rather than portraying false bravado or attacking others as is more often the case with people.
No offence, when was the last time any woman on Fab found a guy who is in touch with his inner self or able to be vulnerable when it matters to be attractive? Most of the time it's studly overt masculinity that women on here look for and want. People would rather pick someone here with bravado on the surface than someone with cracks because nobody likes to play Ms Fixer-Upper/Doctor on a site where the overt intention is to just find a compatible partner or couple to have crazy sex with.
But at this current point, I guess I've gone past the stage of caring about keeping a veneer up to try and hold things together like a man would. What's been going on in my life for the past year culminating in the horror show for the past three weeks or so has pushed me beyond my breaking point. I'm not alright. I came back to Fab thinking this was my old safe harbour, my old familiar grounds, only to find that most of the people and scene I once knew were all gone or moved on anyway.
Sorry, that didn't make much sense did it?
Thanks for the hug and well wishes by the way. I haven't been on the receiving end of understanding and kindness for too long in any form. "
I know what you’re saying, but I find that bravado and false shit deeply vomit inducing. That’s not me flirting, mind, but many of my female friends on here aren’t all about the pretence stuff, some will be though. And there’s a difference between showing insight, owning hypocrisy, knowing your fallibility and being open about feeling ups and downs and being a hot whirlwind of self pity.
Regardless, be gentle with yourself. People are fragile and more often than not people are wildly unaware of how they can impact negatively on others. Take care. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends on what has upset me. I may need a little time to clear my head, if it's a mix of anger and being upset, for example.
Otherwise a hug, soft words and a few laughs is great.
, "
Sending you a hug x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"By being completely left alone. No one speaking to me or asking me any questions.
^ This
*keeps mouth shut*
You could always sing to me "
That’ll shut your ears too!
I sang a lullaby to a forumite once. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Given that most people only want me to stop being upset so that I'm not bringing them down, I'd rather be left alone.
If you're not there for the benefit of the person who's upset, just fuck off.
No, we want you to be happy. There is a difference"
People who actually want someone to be happy will put the work in. Most just want to say "cheer up" and have that make the difference, and if you don't or can't just do as you're told then they can't be bothered with you. I've gone through it enough times to know. It's my latest attempt at forming a social life disintegrated last Christmas, when I realised that the so-called "friends" I thought I'd made in the preceding three years actually didn't give a fuck about me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add on: I realise this is probably gonna kill my chances of being a desirable swinging partner on Fab for a bit.
Or demonstrate your ability to be at ease with being vulnerable rather than portraying false bravado or attacking others as is more often the case with people.
No offence, when was the last time any woman on Fab found a guy who is in touch with his inner self or able to be vulnerable when it matters to be attractive? Most of the time it's studly overt masculinity that women on here look for and want. People would rather pick someone here with bravado on the surface than someone with cracks because nobody likes to play Ms Fixer-Upper/Doctor on a site where the overt intention is to just find a compatible partner or couple to have crazy sex with.
But at this current point, I guess I've gone past the stage of caring about keeping a veneer up to try and hold things together like a man would. What's been going on in my life for the past year culminating in the horror show for the past three weeks or so has pushed me beyond my breaking point. I'm not alright. I came back to Fab thinking this was my old safe harbour, my old familiar grounds, only to find that most of the people and scene I once knew were all gone or moved on anyway.
Sorry, that didn't make much sense did it?
Thanks for the hug and well wishes by the way. I haven't been on the receiving end of understanding and kindness for too long in any form. "
Too bloody true. The smarmy posers always get the attention. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add on: I realise this is probably gonna kill my chances of being a desirable swinging partner on Fab for a bit.
Or demonstrate your ability to be at ease with being vulnerable rather than portraying false bravado or attacking others as is more often the case with people.
No offence, when was the last time any woman on Fab found a guy who is in touch with his inner self or able to be vulnerable when it matters to be attractive? Most of the time it's studly overt masculinity that women on here look for and want. People would rather pick someone here with bravado on the surface than someone with cracks because nobody likes to play Ms Fixer-Upper/Doctor on a site where the overt intention is to just find a compatible partner or couple to have crazy sex with.
But at this current point, I guess I've gone past the stage of caring about keeping a veneer up to try and hold things together like a man would. What's been going on in my life for the past year culminating in the horror show for the past three weeks or so has pushed me beyond my breaking point. I'm not alright. I came back to Fab thinking this was my old safe harbour, my old familiar grounds, only to find that most of the people and scene I once knew were all gone or moved on anyway.
Sorry, that didn't make much sense did it?
Thanks for the hug and well wishes by the way. I haven't been on the receiving end of understanding and kindness for too long in any form.
Too bloody true. The smarmy posers always get the attention. "
You’re smarmy in the way you reject everything. |
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"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?
Depends what I'm upset about and who's there to offer solace.
My "go to" people are gone. I sort out my own shit, I don't share easy.
What about you op?
Did you find the answers you were looking for ?
I don’t think he asked the question he wanted to. "
No, I asked the question I wanted to.
'\/'
I've not read the whole thread. Have I missed something?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it's just normal upset-upset or depressed-upset, I crave physical touch with someone I can trust. Could be sexual, could be non-sexual in nature. Just don't leave me alone to stew in it and overthink, and give me the affirmation I need to regain my footing emotionally.
If it's full-blown depression or rage as I have been going through for the past couple weeks, just keep in constant contact with me, but don't get too close because in my wounded state oftentimes I wouldn't care about who or what I hurt, as long as it lets me vent it out. Let me process things through in due time, be there on the days when I crash and be there on the days where I go into a manic mood rebound. I used to think sex would help with everything for me, but now I realise for myself that even for me there's a limit past which I'm so out of it that sex is something I'm incapable of doing.
In short: when I'm upset, depending on the severity, treat me as you would a wounded lion with several spears stuck into its back. Keep a distance, but don't run from me. Understand that the more I try to push people away the more it's my way of trying to get attention and help in my own twisted and broken manner. I constantly feel massive guilt whenever I find myself having no choice but to accept help and care from others. Just recognise my fragility and slowly help me piece myself back together. And most importantly, stay by me. Don't leave me alone.
That’s beautifully articulated. And sorry to read you’ve been struggling recently. Sending you well wishes. "
Oh, if we're talking depression upset then... Well I don't know.
Feel sad
Feel like crying but don't
Hide from the world as much as possible
Go on autopilot
Not look after myself right
Tell everyone I'm fine, just tired and not sleeping well...
You know all those things you're meant to not to do when suffering with clinical depression...
Hugs from my daughters help... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add on: I realise this is probably gonna kill my chances of being a desirable swinging partner on Fab for a bit.
Or demonstrate your ability to be at ease with being vulnerable rather than portraying false bravado or attacking others as is more often the case with people.
No offence, when was the last time any woman on Fab found a guy who is in touch with his inner self or able to be vulnerable when it matters to be attractive? Most of the time it's studly overt masculinity that women on here look for and want. People would rather pick someone here with bravado on the surface than someone with cracks because nobody likes to play Ms Fixer-Upper/Doctor on a site where the overt intention is to just find a compatible partner or couple to have crazy sex with.
But at this current point, I guess I've gone past the stage of caring about keeping a veneer up to try and hold things together like a man would. What's been going on in my life for the past year culminating in the horror show for the past three weeks or so has pushed me beyond my breaking point. I'm not alright. I came back to Fab thinking this was my old safe harbour, my old familiar grounds, only to find that most of the people and scene I once knew were all gone or moved on anyway.
Sorry, that didn't make much sense did it?
Thanks for the hug and well wishes by the way. I haven't been on the receiving end of understanding and kindness for too long in any form.
Too bloody true. The smarmy posers always get the attention.
You’re smarmy in the way you reject everything."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just to add on: I realise this is probably gonna kill my chances of being a desirable swinging partner on Fab for a bit.
Or demonstrate your ability to be at ease with being vulnerable rather than portraying false bravado or attacking others as is more often the case with people.
No offence, when was the last time any woman on Fab found a guy who is in touch with his inner self or able to be vulnerable when it matters to be attractive? Most of the time it's studly overt masculinity that women on here look for and want. People would rather pick someone here with bravado on the surface than someone with cracks because nobody likes to play Ms Fixer-Upper/Doctor on a site where the overt intention is to just find a compatible partner or couple to have crazy sex with.
But at this current point, I guess I've gone past the stage of caring about keeping a veneer up to try and hold things together like a man would. What's been going on in my life for the past year culminating in the horror show for the past three weeks or so has pushed me beyond my breaking point. I'm not alright. I came back to Fab thinking this was my old safe harbour, my old familiar grounds, only to find that most of the people and scene I once knew were all gone or moved on anyway.
Sorry, that didn't make much sense did it?
Thanks for the hug and well wishes by the way. I haven't been on the receiving end of understanding and kindness for too long in any form.
Too bloody true. The smarmy posers always get the attention.
You’re smarmy in the way you reject everything."
I don't think you know what the word means. |
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Upset sad - I like to wallow until I feel better. Sad movies, long baths so I can cry in peace and snuggles with the dogs.
Upset mad - I’m a stomper. I get madder and madder until I hit boiling point. Have a Mad Mac 5 minutes and smash everything up. Proper ragefest. Afterwards though I can forgive and sometimes forget. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends. Sometimes a big cuddle from my husband helps, and my dogs all cuddle me too (especially if I’m crying - they all bring me a toy, Benji will bring every single toy possible).
But sometimes if I’m upset and don’t want to cry, I’ll just do something to take my mind off of it. If my husband even holds my hand or cuddles me, I know that I’ll burst into tears.
I’d love a cuddle from my mum but she works long hours and isn’t an affectionate person at all (due to her upbringing and childhood). So it isn’t really doable.
When I got on with my mother in-law, she used to give the absolute best cuddle. Sometimes when I’m upset (even if it’s because of her, the majority of the time it is) I miss her cuddles. "
Have you tried asking her to sort it out so you can all be friends again? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you feel upset, how - ideally - would you like to be comforted?"
Witchcraft and girl power.
(Hugs and kisses from Lee are great also....hee hee)
Xxx
Nessa |
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