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How would you deal with this
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My daughter is high ability, often takes time with her work as she is a perfectionist
My ex husband lives with another woman who has an aspergian son. She pushed for his diagnosis at primary school. She has serious ill health and only discusses her illnesses. We are all teachers and I have worked with lots of special needs children for 20 years.
I recently found out from my daughter that my ex made a referral to her Dr to have an autism test. Also his girlfriend posts on Twitter saying my daughter is possibly autistic. The outcome from the test was not autistic.
I am concerned things are being done behind my back and knowing what his girlfriend is like that she is projecting a diagnosis on my daughter.
From being in education 20 years I see no special need issues with my daughter. My concern is his girlfriend is fixated by illness and having her son with aspergers she jumps to conclusions about other children.
I'm livid that this is going on and I know fully that schools are fully equipped with raising concerns but there isn't any
I'm having to hold back texting my ex husband but I think it's needed soon or I need to speak to my daughters school without sounding neurotic! My concern is his girlfriend mainly and the affect it's having on my daughter |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would want a face to face conversation with them both."
I've spoken to him before but he's so influenced by his girlfriend that my opinion goes for nothing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would also tell her to keep anything about your child off of her Facebook page.
Sorry, Twitter.
They'll know I've been snooping "
Tell them you’re concerned and when your daughter came to you and told you this, you snooped. Say you’re not happy at all for her to talk about your daughter on any social media. It’s not fair at all.
Have a face to face discussion with both your ex and the girlfriend. Maybe invite them both to have a discussion with the school with you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My daughter is high ability, often takes time with her work as she is a perfectionist
My ex husband lives with another woman who has an aspergian son. She pushed for his diagnosis at primary school. She has serious ill health and only discusses her illnesses. We are all teachers and I have worked with lots of special needs children for 20 years.
I recently found out from my daughter that my ex made a referral to her Dr to have an autism test. Also his girlfriend posts on Twitter saying my daughter is possibly autistic. The outcome from the test was not autistic.
I am concerned things are being done behind my back and knowing what his girlfriend is like that she is projecting a diagnosis on my daughter.
From being in education 20 years I see no special need issues with my daughter. My concern is his girlfriend is fixated by illness and having her son with aspergers she jumps to conclusions about other children.
I'm livid that this is going on and I know fully that schools are fully equipped with raising concerns but there isn't any
I'm having to hold back texting my ex husband but I think it's needed soon or I need to speak to my daughters school without sounding neurotic! My concern is his girlfriend mainly and the affect it's having on my daughter"
Tell your ex your concerns do it rationally ask for reasons why tests were done what is the benefits from them and why he has done this without informing you.
Tell him this is troubling you and point out if he continues doing this he may find out you have relocated hundreds of miles away long after you have moved and ask him how he would loke finding that out long after you have moved. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would also tell her to keep anything about your child off of her Facebook page.
Sorry, Twitter.
They'll know I've been snooping
Tell them you’re concerned and when your daughter came to you and told you this, you snooped. Say you’re not happy at all for her to talk about your daughter on any social media. It’s not fair at all.
Have a face to face discussion with both your ex and the girlfriend. Maybe invite them both to have a discussion with the school with you? "
I've just had to go through court over the house and I've finally won. I can't even be in the same room as him after what he's put me through this year |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I would also tell her to keep anything about your child off of her Facebook page.
Sorry, Twitter.
They'll know I've been snooping "
Seeing something posted on a public forum such as Twitter is hardly snooping!! If questioned you can say that you were looking legitimately based on concerns from what your daughter had told you, and that you're glad that you did as it's proved those concerns were warranted.
Your ex needs to understand that this is your daughter as well as his and that any decisions about her well being and health etc should be made jointly and not with the interference of a third party such as his current partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think for your daughters sake and yours you need to tackle this head on. It does sound that she’s projecting difficulties where there isn’t any, and obviously you’re well aware of the range and symptoms of any learning disability. And how is she able to arrange an assessment without her having parental rights, or does your ex just blindly sign anything she asks.
I know it’s a difficult situation, but it can’t be allowed to carry on. Your daughter could be under undue stress to make everyone happy and that’s not fair x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would also tell her to keep anything about your child off of her Facebook page.
Sorry, Twitter.
They'll know I've been snooping
Seeing something posted on a public forum such as Twitter is hardly snooping!! If questioned you can say that you were looking legitimately based on concerns from what your daughter had told you, and that you're glad that you did as it's proved those concerns were warranted.
Your ex needs to understand that this is your daughter as well as his and that any decisions about her well being and health etc should be made jointly and not with the interference of a third party such as his current partner."
I'm going to quote this when I text him. I'm just not sure what they've been doing at her new secondary school |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think for your daughters sake and yours you need to tackle this head on. It does sound that she’s projecting difficulties where there isn’t any, and obviously you’re well aware of the range and symptoms of any learning disability. And how is she able to arrange an assessment without her having parental rights, or does your ex just blindly sign anything she asks.
I know it’s a difficult situation, but it can’t be allowed to carry on. Your daughter could be under undue stress to make everyone happy and that’s not fair x "
Thank you for this. I'm going to get to the bottom of this |
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By *lue NarwhalMan
over a year ago
Iceland, but Aldi is closer.. |
It sounds like she has Muenchausen by proxy and you need to try and isolate her actions from your daughter. No point speaking with your ex, liklihood is he will side with his current partner over you.
Firstly speak with your gp and let them know your concerns, particularly in light of an unnecessary test. They will take the necessary actions to ensure you are informed should your ex husband approach them about your daughter again.
As a teacher, you should also report your concerns to the school your ex's son attends so they are aware to watch for any tell tale signs of abuse.
Those that suffer with Muenchausens do progressively get more extreme with their actions in an attempt to get attention.
The fact that she posted the details on social media is a indicator that she is attention seeking which is typical of sufferers.
Having witnessed this with a close relative who eventually got put into prison for child abuse, not before her son ended up having an operation that wasn't required, I wouldn't want anyone else to endure what my family went through. |
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"I would also tell her to keep anything about your child off of her Facebook page.
Sorry, Twitter.
They'll know I've been snooping
Tell them you’re concerned and when your daughter came to you and told you this, you snooped. Say you’re not happy at all for her to talk about your daughter on any social media. It’s not fair at all.
Have a face to face discussion with both your ex and the girlfriend. Maybe invite them both to have a discussion with the school with you? "
This^ personaly my first instinct would be to go big bad bear daddy, when it comes to my little people I'm protective.
But given your role as a teacher i would adopt that approach remind them that the most successful parent/teacher relationships come with the ability to be honest and open with each other and the moment communication breaks down it all falls apart.
Essentially remind them they are good teachers so it should be simple for all of you to adopt a more responsible approach.
All of the above may be absolute ballocks and they both may be one cell away from an amoeba but stroke there egos to achieve your goals. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would explain to your daughter what said woman is like and not to pass any heed of her, you might stop it for a while, but she will get you back in another way if you tackle it face on, been there done that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It sounds like she has Muenchausen by proxy and you need to try and isolate her actions from your daughter. No point speaking with your ex, liklihood is he will side with his current partner over you.
Firstly speak with your gp and let them know your concerns, particularly in light of an unnecessary test. They will take the necessary actions to ensure you are informed should your ex husband approach them about your daughter again.
As a teacher, you should also report your concerns to the school your ex's son attends so they are aware to watch for any tell tale signs of abuse.
Those that suffer with Muenchausens do progressively get more extreme with their actions in an attempt to get attention.
The fact that she posted the details on social media is a indicator that she is attention seeking which is typical of sufferers.
Having witnessed this with a close relative who eventually got put into prison for child abuse, not before her son ended up having an operation that wasn't required, I wouldn't want anyone else to endure what my family went through. "
This is exactly what I was thinking. There are safeguarding issues. I want to text my ex to let them both know I'm on there case. I'm seeing my Dr next week for advise. She thinks everyone close to her has aspergers, I've heard it. It's not healthy. Uniqueness doesn't mean a special needs diagnosis |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd be bloody furious if things were being done without my knowledge."
I'm absolutely livid especially as it's coming from his girlfriend who clearly has issues |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you both have parental responsibility ?"
Yes we do. I've just emailed my solicitor for advice. A letter I hope will stop him keeping me out of the picture. I've also contacted my daughter's school to see what he's been up to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would also tell her to keep anything about your child off of her Facebook page.
Sorry, Twitter.
They'll know I've been snooping "
That doesn't matter. She shouldn't be putting private matters about your child in public. |
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If she doesn’t have a diagnosis from the NHS (no private ones) via reports from the teacher, then SENCo, then local education authority and yourself then it’s unlikely anything will happen. She will find something new to fixate on. It used to be called Munchausens by Proxy. That’s what it sounds like. The LEA have very strict criteria to allow anyone into the SEND register. Try not to worry to much.  |
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"I'd be bloody furious if things were being done without my knowledge.
I'm absolutely livid especially as it's coming from his girlfriend who clearly has issues"
I bet you are,I hope you get it sorted. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If she doesn’t have a diagnosis from the NHS (no private ones) via reports from the teacher, then SENCo, then local education authority and yourself then it’s unlikely anything will happen. She will find something new to fixate on. It used to be called Munchausens by Proxy. That’s what it sounds like. The LEA have very strict criteria to allow anyone into the SEND register. Try not to worry to much. "
Thanks for your kind words. My main worry is the girlfriend doesn't project her diagnosis onto my daughter. I've asked for an appointment with the Sendco. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"At least you have the knowledge that your daughter is not on the asberger spectrum"
True but I know how persistent his girlfriend is as she did it with her own son. She's obsessed with giving people a diagnosis. People are people, we could all say we have a problem. Best way is to go about life without highlighting any downfalls. It only exasperates them. |
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