FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Open marriage
Open marriage
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hey!
Just wondered if any of you reprobates have an open marriage where you both meet separately (not hot wife / husband scenario). If so, keen to hear the rules you have in place to avoid any issues. Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i have an open relationship with my cat.
she goes out at night and returns in the morning.
im happy with this arrangement apart from the dead mice and birds i get given weekly.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"i have an open relationship with my cat.
she goes out at night and returns in the morning.
im happy with this arrangement apart from the dead mice and birds i get given weekly.
"
I have no words  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I did have, recently separated. Our rules were, no mutual friends, protection to be worn, give notice for meets, be honest. All our other rules never really panned out x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I did have, recently separated. Our rules were, no mutual friends, protection to be worn, give notice for meets, be honest. All our other rules never really panned out x"
pretty good arrangement. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I do 
My husband doesn’t play but I do. We don’t have many rules, but I always let him know beforehand that I’m meeting someone (I usually meet while he’s at work). Always wear protection. That’s the main ones really. A lot of trust is needed and communication is key xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
It’s something we are trialling but our rules keep changing and flexing .... like to see how it works successfully for others. Of course we aren’t all the same at all, but always welcome advice from those with a little more experience |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey!
Just wondered if any of you reprobates have an open marriage where you both meet separately (not hot wife / husband scenario). If so, keen to hear the rules you have in place to avoid any issues. Xx"
We have been open for 7 years |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'll be interested in what comes from this thread. My gut instinct is that you either swing or you're poly"
You say that as if there’s only one way to swing and only one way to do polyamory. There’s a myriad of ways to do both. And then there’s relationship anarchy too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Myself and husband will both meet separately when the opportunity is there,and we don't have many rules.
Always safe.
No friends unless they're friends we've made through swinging.
No meets at our home.
We get one night a month to either go out with friends or solo meet. We're not using all of our family/us time meeting strangers.
That's about it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
"I'll be interested in what comes from this thread. My gut instinct is that you either swing or you're poly
You say that as if there’s only one way to swing and only one way to do polyamory. There’s a myriad of ways to do both. And then there’s relationship anarchy too. "
Absolutely this.
I’m poly and I swing solo and with partners. I don’t like the connotations of poly, so prefer to describe myself as ethically non monogamous.
Whatever I call what I do, it can scare some people off or give the wrong impression. Any prospective play partners are made fully aware of my lifestyle before anything happens. Any partners I’m with are made aware of an impending meet, or as quickly afterwards as possible.
One word: communication! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i have an open relationship with my cat.
she goes out at night and returns in the morning.
im happy with this arrangement apart from the dead mice and birds i get given weekly.
"
Made me giggle |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i have an open relationship with my cat.
she goes out at night and returns in the morning.
im happy with this arrangement apart from the dead mice and birds i get given weekly.
I have no words "
Dont say anything then |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We meet separate.
Honest open, the usual.
Normal rules you know the usual.
Don’t play at home. That’s a stickler.
I don’t really ask about his. But he loves to hear about mine. He also likes to vet mind, most think I pick ugly scary people  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for your feedback. Sounds like it works well. I read an article on this the other day and there’s a good book that’s been recommended called the Ethical Slut - which deals with how to navigate any bumps in the road. Might be worth a read as we are heading this way.
The only slight ‘issue’ is that we don’t get any sexual thrill from each other’s meets. I’m not sure if that’s going to cause problems or not. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster "
Or simply make the point for an alternative view without accusing others of irresponsibility when they have provided their personal experiences not solely opinions (and even some on the thread showing it didn’t work out for them)... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks for your feedback. Sounds like it works well. I read an article on this the other day and there’s a good book that’s been recommended called the Ethical Slut - which deals with how to navigate any bumps in the road. Might be worth a read as we are heading this way.
The only slight ‘issue’ is that we don’t get any sexual thrill from each other’s meets. I’m not sure if that’s going to cause problems or not."
I'm in a long term open relationship and have had others before. My rules with my current partner are always practice safe sex, we always tell each other when we are meeting others and who we are meeting, we try to make sure we still have a decent amount of quality time together, total honesty with other a we are playing with (i.e. no pretending to be single or something), we mostly play outside our home but on the odd occasion one of us is away for the night we can have people over but change the sheets before and after (just manners that really!). I think that covers it.
As for not getting a sexual thrill out of each other's meets I don't think that is an issue as long as you're both happy with what's going on. Personally I get off on watching my partners fuck other people if it's during group play but I don't really get excited when they go off to meet others without me. I just hope they have a good time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
"Thanks for your feedback. Sounds like it works well. I read an article on this the other day and there’s a good book that’s been recommended called the Ethical Slut - which deals with how to navigate any bumps in the road. Might be worth a read as we are heading this way.
The only slight ‘issue’ is that we don’t get any sexual thrill from each other’s meets. I’m not sure if that’s going to cause problems or not."
I bought a copy of Ethical Slut and gave up reading it. It’s certainly good for you if you’re looking at starting out.
For absolutely no money, do a search for “more than two” They have a wealth of information from those who are in the lifestyle. There are tips, Q&As and blogs by those for whom things have gone well and also help to spot the signs if things are not going well and importantly how to avoid that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster "
42% of marriages end in divorce. The vast majority would likely be closed marriages. How does monogamy rate on the “fucking disaster” scale?
Often it’s lack of communication that makes them fail. Where open relationships work because there’s so much communication. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Me and my hubby meet seperate people. We chate about everyone when we each get home. Our only rule is not meeting the same person more then once a week and we both are to have a variety of play partners. That way no attachments can be made from either side incuding those who play with us x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster "
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up. "
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed "
Poly is not limited to being only “when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together” - polygamy, polyamory, non-monogamy, relationship anarchy, open relationships and swinging have many more variants than that. That’s such a bizarrely limited viewpoint. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I did have, recently separated. Our rules were, no mutual friends, protection to be worn, give notice for meets, be honest. All our other rules never really panned out x"
This |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i have an open relationship with my cat.
she goes out at night and returns in the morning.
im happy with this arrangement apart from the dead mice and birds i get given weekly.
"
I like this post. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed "
I'm quoting you  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In theory we do but only for homosexual activity. L can meet as many women as she wants and I can meet as many men. Neither of us has ever exercised this option however and all of our meets have been together.
We recently had to update our rules to take account of how we categorise any meets with someone who is trans |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed
Poly is not limited to being only “when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together” - polygamy, polyamory, non-monogamy, relationship anarchy, open relationships and swinging have many more variants than that. That’s such a bizarrely limited viewpoint. "
But least because people define themselves with a label and you don’t really know what their dynamics are until the specifically tell you, it’s very personal and individual and the labels too can be interchangeable to different people. Hence why so many have varied views of what swinging is and what it isn’t and why there’s a plethora of threads debating it on here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed
Poly is not limited to being only “when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together” - polygamy, polyamory, non-monogamy, relationship anarchy, open relationships and swinging have many more variants than that. That’s such a bizarrely limited viewpoint.
But least because people define themselves with a label and you don’t really know what their dynamics are until the specifically tell you, it’s very personal and individual and the labels too can be interchangeable to different people. Hence why so many have varied views of what swinging is and what it isn’t and why there’s a plethora of threads debating it on here. "
Not* least |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed "
Hmmm let's see. Not quite sure you're definitions are accurate. But looking at the principle, I'd say that if a couple are going to meet others without discussing it or consenting to each instance (Which would be neither swinging nor polyamory), then yes that sounds like a car wreck relationship waiting to happen |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed
Hmmm let's see. Not quite sure you're definitions are accurate. But looking at the principle, I'd say that if a couple are going to meet others without discussing it or consenting to each instance (Which would be neither swinging nor polyamory), then yes that sounds like a car wreck relationship waiting to happen "
Just googling I see that "open relationship" is now used as a umbrella term for all forms of poly and swinging. I certainly didn't mean to cast a shadow across either of those lifestyles. When I was swinging with my ex, and when I was dating, the term "open relationship" stood for a don't ask, don't tell kind of agreement that partners could meet and date/fuck whoever they wanted in private and without discussing it. That's what I think most vanilla people mean by the term. I apologise if that's not what the op meant by it. That helps explain why everyone was so cool about it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed
Hmmm let's see. Not quite sure you're definitions are accurate. But looking at the principle, I'd say that if a couple are going to meet others without discussing it or consenting to each instance (Which would be neither swinging nor polyamory), then yes that sounds like a car wreck relationship waiting to happen
Just googling I see that "open relationship" is now used as a umbrella term for all forms of poly and swinging. I certainly didn't mean to cast a shadow across either of those lifestyles. When I was swinging with my ex, and when I was dating, the term "open relationship" stood for a don't ask, don't tell kind of agreement that partners could meet and date/fuck whoever they wanted in private and without discussing it. That's what I think most vanilla people mean by the term. I apologise if that's not what the op meant by it. That helps explain why everyone was so cool about it. "
I have consulted with the swinging elders and on behalf of the community, we accept your apology |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed
Hmmm let's see. Not quite sure you're definitions are accurate. But looking at the principle, I'd say that if a couple are going to meet others without discussing it or consenting to each instance (Which would be neither swinging nor polyamory), then yes that sounds like a car wreck relationship waiting to happen
Just googling I see that "open relationship" is now used as a umbrella term for all forms of poly and swinging. I certainly didn't mean to cast a shadow across either of those lifestyles. When I was swinging with my ex, and when I was dating, the term "open relationship" stood for a don't ask, don't tell kind of agreement that partners could meet and date/fuck whoever they wanted in private and without discussing it. That's what I think most vanilla people mean by the term. I apologise if that's not what the op meant by it. That helps explain why everyone was so cool about it.
I have consulted with the swinging elders and on behalf of the community, we accept your apology "
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm polyam.
My husband and I play separately.
We don't do exes that we knew before making the marriage open.
If possible, tell the other when something is going on.
Never mutual friends without prior conversation.
Always use protection.
Nobody in our shared home without prior conversation.
Nobody in our bed, ever. That's why we have spare rooms! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think. "
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience. "
That's surely a typo Broken  It's low agreeableness At least with me today it is  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience. "
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience.
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me?"
No, why would it be! It meant it literally. Think of it like when you recommend TV shows, it's a topic I think you'd enjoy reading about, assuming you havent already. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience.
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me?
No, why would it be! It meant it literally. Think of it like when you recommend TV shows, it's a topic I think you'd enjoy reading about, assuming you havent already. "
Fair enough. I wasn’t sure, so asked. I read it combined with Soulful’s comment who was digging. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience.
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me?"
No offence taken Estella Just a bit battered and tired now. So I'm gonna chill and retreat into the shadows and lick my wounds  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience.
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me?
No, why would it be! It meant it literally. Think of it like when you recommend TV shows, it's a topic I think you'd enjoy reading about, assuming you havent already.
Fair enough. I wasn’t sure, so asked. I read it combined with Soulful’s comment who was digging. "
Teasing rather than digging, re Soulful perhaps. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience.
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me?
No, why would it be! It meant it literally. Think of it like when you recommend TV shows, it's a topic I think you'd enjoy reading about, assuming you havent already.
Fair enough. I wasn’t sure, so asked. I read it combined with Soulful’s comment who was digging. "
I wasn't digging. I was pulling your leg |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience.
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me?
No, why would it be! It meant it literally. Think of it like when you recommend TV shows, it's a topic I think you'd enjoy reading about, assuming you havent already.
Fair enough. I wasn’t sure, so asked. I read it combined with Soulful’s comment who was digging.
Teasing rather than digging, re Soulful perhaps. "
Better |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed "
As a Poly person with Poly friends in various different relationship formats, that isn't the only way to do Poly. It is a tiny minority of Poly people who cohabitate in Poly groups. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience.
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me?
No offence taken Estella Just a bit battered and tired now. So I'm gonna chill and retreat into the shadows and lick my wounds "
Good, I’m not attacking, I’m just trying to provide a different insight and explain when I disagree with what sometimes reads as an overly fixed position. Sorry that you feel wounded! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’d love some sources to read B.B.
"Personality in adulthood: a five factor theory perspective" by McCrae and Costa is really good starting point "
Oh I know this!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I consulted with the vanilla people who said stop speaking for other people by globalising your own viewpoint and understanding and telling them what they think.
In my ever humble opinion, one very worthwhile use of your time would be to read about the pros and cons of people with personality traits of high agreeableness, high neuroticism and high openness to experience.
How come? I’ve been discussing, and the above is a joke taken literally from Soulful’s direct wording where he globalised because he and I have been debating most of the day. It’s a joke. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or him.
Is the above a personal dig at me?
No offence taken Estella Just a bit battered and tired now. So I'm gonna chill and retreat into the shadows and lick my wounds
Good, I’m not attacking, I’m just trying to provide a different insight and explain when I disagree with what sometimes reads as an overly fixed position. Sorry that you feel wounded!"
Oh you know me. I'm just a little fragile flower really  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Anyone have statistics on how many open relationships collapse into chaos? Where's Broken when we need him? Personally, I think it would be a bit irresponsible for people on the forum to have left you with the impression that what you're embarking on is a good idea. It could be a fucking disaster
Not on poly relationships sorry, think what a minefield it would be to try and collect and standardise that data! I doubt they would look favourable. Swinging, on average, results in happier marriages and lower divorce rates. But poly relationships have an in-built limit because of time. There literally is a hard limit to how many people you can make time for. I'm not saying it doesn't work for the people who want it to, but i just don't think it can ever scale. Even polygamous societies see men taking less and less wives (by choice) as the country develops and pace of life picks up.
I think we're talking about something else here. Swinging is when you consent to play with other people together and maybe, to some degree separately. Poly is when you all live together, do the dishes, share the shopping, and basically enjoy an extended family together.
The op appears to be talking about the dreaded "open relationship" in which they each allow the other to meet others in private and maybe develop feelings for them.
When I was dating earlier in the year I'd say about 1/3rd of the women I met were single because their partner had insisted on having an "open relationship" and basically just run off with some other woman.
I'm talking about the stats on how many times such "open relationships" end in disaster. I have no doubt a select few, a slither thin minority, work. And I'm sure they'll be on here to tell the op that. But the dating apps are littered with the results of those that failed
Hmmm let's see. Not quite sure you're definitions are accurate. But looking at the principle, I'd say that if a couple are going to meet others without discussing it or consenting to each instance (Which would be neither swinging nor polyamory), then yes that sounds like a car wreck relationship waiting to happen
Just googling I see that "open relationship" is now used as a umbrella term for all forms of poly and swinging. I certainly didn't mean to cast a shadow across either of those lifestyles. When I was swinging with my ex, and when I was dating, the term "open relationship" stood for a don't ask, don't tell kind of agreement that partners could meet and date/fuck whoever they wanted in private and without discussing it. That's what I think most vanilla people mean by the term. I apologise if that's not what the op meant by it. That helps explain why everyone was so cool about it. "
No it’s not done in secret. We both know who the other is meeting but the only difference is we don’t get any sexual thrill out of each other’s solo play. For that, we meet couples - together.
We have always maintained an open and honest dialogue and have been together for more years than we haven’t. I was just keen to hear from others what rules they might have in place ... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"i have an open relationship with my cat.
she goes out at night and returns in the morning.
im happy with this arrangement apart from the dead mice and birds i get given weekly.
"
I'm in a dom/sub relationship with my two cats...if you have to ask which role I play, you don't know cats
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i have an open relationship with my cat.
she goes out at night and returns in the morning.
im happy with this arrangement apart from the dead mice and birds i get given weekly.
I'm in a dom/sub relationship with my two cats...if you have to ask which role I play, you don't know cats
"
I have four dogs and one cat. The cat rules the bloody roost, me included |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
As a Poly person with Poly friends in various different relationship formats, that isn't the only way to do Poly. It is a tiny minority of Poly people who cohabitate in Poly groups."
Agreed. What I feel for my partner is much more than an addition to an open marriage.
We don't have to cohabit to share lives. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hey!
Just wondered if any of you reprobates have an open marriage where you both meet separately (not hot wife / husband scenario). If so, keen to hear the rules you have in place to avoid any issues. Xx"
Yep we do
No details
Safe sex always no exception
It never ever interferes with our family life
They work for us xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for sharing everyone. We’ve have started on this path and will see how we get on! I’m prepared for a few bumps in the road but otherwise quite excited. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for sharing everyone. We’ve have started on this path and will see how we get on! I’m prepared for a few bumps in the road but otherwise quite excited."
Our Male would be willing to be your first meet ?? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for sharing everyone. We’ve have started on this path and will see how we get on! I’m prepared for a few bumps in the road but otherwise quite excited.
Our Male would be willing to be your first meet ??"
Thank you but I have guys I’m wanting to meet. This was more a post about those in a similar set up rather than a call out for willing men. Thank you tho x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I play, the wife has no interest in swinging/playing with others any more.
Rules are simple;
She doesn't want to know about it.
Wear a rain coat and be safe.
No one she knows.
No interfering with home or family life.
Other than that, I can do what I like! Has made the marriage far stronger.
The only hiccup so far, is her best friend found me online, had a heart to heart with her.
"I found him online!!"
"Yea, I know."
"What....you know"
"Yea. We have an open marriage."
"Really!!!"
Lol she spent days agonising on how to tell my wife! Bless her. Is a bonus, she has a friend that will be totally honest with her! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi myself and wife are considering trying swinging/cuckolding but very nervous about how it might effect our relationship. Any views on how common it is for relationships to breakdown, looking for comment from experience couples rather than just looking on internet for advice, thanks Benj |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi myself and wife are considering trying swinging/cuckolding but very nervous about how it might effect our relationship. Any views on how common it is for relationships to breakdown, looking for comment from experience couples rather than just looking on internet for advice, thanks Benj"
Relationships break down whether you’re swinging or not. However if you’re in an open marriage and you’re playing by the rules you’ve set then it’s less likely to breakdown due to adultery. I think swinging couples have more fun and feel less trapped also. It’s understandable to be nervous but I would go for it. Life’s too short, take a chance. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks horizons appreciated, we just starting out looking into it and just trying to gain some confidence it wont hurt our relationship, been together a while so pretty strong it's just you never know until you try I guess. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
