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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok so I love the idea of dominating a man, but watching porn on the same topic doesn’t turn me on. I’m not sure if it’s just the videos that I’ve seen, it might well be.
The fella reckons I’m no Dom because of this. I’ve never claimed to be, but since meeting him that side has developed, but only with him.
Does that make sense? Basically dominating him turns me on, but watching videos of the same thing doesn’t.
We’re right at the beginning of developing this side of our relationship & I can’t help but feel I’ve let him down already. |
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Does nothing for me either, but as a Switch I really enjoy dominating on occasion. Just enjoy yourselves and don't worry about the porn thing, it's all fake anyway. Developing your own relationship and dynamic is far more important and so worth it in the long run  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does nothing for me either, but as a Switch I really enjoy dominating on occasion. Just enjoy yourselves and don't worry about the porn thing, it's all fake anyway. Developing your own relationship and dynamic is far more important and so worth it in the long run "
Thanks! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Most of the Femdom porn that's available is of the whips and chains "you pathetic worm" variety that doesn't capture the sensual side of BDSM at all and doesn't do a great deal for me as a result - some of the F/f BDSM porn captures this better generally it's rare that I find anything that I can relate to and get turned on by.
I wouldn't let this affect your exploration though - go with what you enjoy  |
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"Ok so I love the idea of dominating a man, but watching porn on the same topic doesn’t turn me on. I’m not sure if it’s just the videos that I’ve seen, it might well be.
The fella reckons I’m no Dom because of this. I’ve never claimed to be, but since meeting him that side has developed, but only with him.
Does that make sense? Basically dominating him turns me on, but watching videos of the same thing doesn’t.
We’re right at the beginning of developing this side of our relationship & I can’t help but feel I’ve let him down already. "
Have faith in yourself, don't feel like a failure. Videos are just actor's getting paid for that shit. There are special website's that you can search out to give you ideas and provide advice if needed. And if it's turning you on then he's got to be getting turned on by the pleasure it is making you feel. Small steps big rewards x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It makes sense to me. Why does he think you're no dom though? Does he not feel it? I find I need a certain chemistry. If one of us isn't feeling it then it doesn't work.
With the right person it can be amazing. As long as you're both happy that's all that matters. |
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Fem Dom porn is generally made for gents anyway, so they are filming it for their benefit and perspective.
Don't feel under any pressure to like it, it's not for everyone. Just be confident in your own ability and relationship. Maybe you can use the porn for ideas on how to deal with him, but use it for education rather than gratification. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It makes sense to me. Why does he think you're no dom though? Does he not feel it? I find I need a certain chemistry. If one of us isn't feeling it then it doesn't work.
With the right person it can be amazing. As long as you're both happy that's all that matters. "
He just came out with it earlier, because I admitted that the videos didn’t turn me on  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It makes sense to me. Why does he think you're no dom though? Does he not feel it? I find I need a certain chemistry. If one of us isn't feeling it then it doesn't work.
With the right person it can be amazing. As long as you're both happy that's all that matters.
He just came out with it earlier, because I admitted that the videos didn’t turn me on "
I don't like the sound of that. I find it rude. Like he's shaming you.
People get turned on by different things. It doesn't make you any more or any less dom.  |
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As long as it turns you on doing it, what does it matter? Strange behaviour. I'd much rather be in a relationship with someone who wanted to do it, rather than watch it. He should count himself lucky. |
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Sounds like he's being bratty and trying to challenge you. Best way to deal with brats? Ignore them, they hate it. Then surprise them with something they weren't expecting. But on your terms.
Sod films, mostly a load of twaddle created for the male gaze. Get reading, loads out there. Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns is still my absolute favorite as it doesn't take itself so seriously.
In a D/s relationship, there's no right or wrong way. Just need inner confidence, discussion and enjoy what you do. If it's not being enjoyed by everyone involved, no point.
Good luck |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Sounds like he's being bratty and trying to challenge you. Best way to deal with brats? Ignore them, they hate it. Then surprise them with something they weren't expecting. But on your terms.
Sod films, mostly a load of twaddle created for the male gaze. Get reading, loads out there. Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns is still my absolute favorite as it doesn't take itself so seriously.
In a D/s relationship, there's no right or wrong way. Just need inner confidence, discussion and enjoy what you do. If it's not being enjoyed by everyone involved, no point.
Good luck "
Perfectly put - well apart from the first paragraph |
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I don't like femdom videos much either. They are often very...negative? I like how eager Ellis is to be pegged. I like how serene he looks after I get up off his face. I like how *nice* dominating him feels.
Everyone has their own way of enjoying things and going about things. You're not "not a real dom" for doing it your way  |
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