I recently had a brief relationship with a very lovely lady who expressed a preference for ‘dirty talk’ in the bedroom. She wanted me to ‘tell her off’ and use abusive language. Nothing, she declared, was out of bounds.
Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom. So when we got intimate, I honestly didn’t know what to say. I was clueless ??. I'm recently out of a quarter-century relationship, and I haven’t explored this kind of thing in the past. I'm not against it in any way - it just feels unnatural.
It’s not like I’m unable to express myself eloquently when needed to. And I have a decent imagination. But because I didn’t know what to say, abusing (with language) her during sex just felt uncomfortable. Even though it accelerated her journey to orgasm.
Unfortunately, I’ll not be seeing this lady again (change in her circumstances), but I do want to prepare myself for this scenario in the future. I want to give my partners what they want, so I want to learn to use and enjoy using abusive language should they want it.
Are there evening classes in this kind of thing? Can’t find any at the local college. Practise makes perfect, I guess.
Do you like/dislike giving/getting abusive/harsh/scolding language during sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom. "
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom.
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect. "
^ thread closed. This. |
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom.
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect. "
Feels disrespectful, though. And that's the problem. |
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom.
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect. "
I might have thought that you would be the first to respond  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom.
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect.
^ thread closed. This. "
He meant that he found it disrespectful.
OP - it's clear this is something you're new to - you've even said as much. So yes, your language might be a bit... about it all.
Sadly there aren't classes in it (although you can find great ones in certain sex shops but that's an aside!). Try reading erotica and finding what it is you enjoy saying - if the "abusive language" doesn't really work for you, there's nothing wrong with that. |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
Seriously if it doesn’t feel right and doesn’t come natural to you don’t do it.
That would kill the mood for me straight away.
I’d much rather you were you. I’d tell you all the things I like but if that’s not something that’s a natural urge in you when you’re with me and you’re faking it, I don’t want it.
I want real all the way and I’d be looking to explore what bits worked together for both not just one of you.
Phew! That’s my bit said anyway
Lex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom.
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect.
Feels disrespectful, though. And that's the problem."
It’s only for a short period and the lady doesn’t feel it’s disrespectful as she’s requested it, so it’s your honour to please her in any way required therefore it cannot be disrespectful.
If it’s done outside of the set boundaries they yes it would be disrespectful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was thinking along the same lines about reading some erotica, there’s plenty online. Even read stories and fantasies on here.
Not every partner will like dirty talk and even if they do, won’t all like the same words. Whore/slut/slag isn’t for everyone and will be detested by some. It’s often something that evolves, and can be discussed. Maybe you’ll never like doing it and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Personally, I enjoy giving and receiving it, but the dynamic I have with someone will direct the way that goes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom.
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect.
Feels disrespectful, though. And that's the problem.
It’s only for a short period and the lady doesn’t feel it’s disrespectful as she’s requested it, so it’s your honour to please her in any way required therefore it cannot be disrespectful.
If it’s done outside of the set boundaries they yes it would be disrespectful "
It isn’t an honour to please her, surely?!
OP if you aren’t comfortable with dirty talk, tell her. If you’re willing to try it, tell her, and you two can maybe work on it together.
Get googling and find some phrases and words that can be used. Some people take it too far and it just becomes a slagging match. |
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Thanks for the replies and the advice.
I'm a pleaser. So I'd want to learn to please any woman who likes it. It's absolutely an honour to please her.
The choice of words could be an issue, though. I hate the words whore, slut and slag as they are inherently disrespectful to women. I'd find it difficult to use those words. I'd do it if it made her cum, but, you know...
'Naughty girl' just feel lame.
Reading erotica. Ok. Hadn't thought about that as an option.
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom.
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect.
Feels disrespectful, though. And that's the problem.
It’s only for a short period and the lady doesn’t feel it’s disrespectful as she’s requested it, so it’s your honour to please her in any way required therefore it cannot be disrespectful.
If it’s done outside of the set boundaries they yes it would be disrespectful
It isn’t an honour to please her, surely?!
OP if you aren’t comfortable with dirty talk, tell her. If you’re willing to try it, tell her, and you two can maybe work on it together.
Get googling and find some phrases and words that can be used. Some people take it too far and it just becomes a slagging match. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now this is completely foreign to me. I’ve always treated women with respect in the bedroom.
Just because you’re doing dirty talk, does not mean you aren’t treating her with respect.
^ thread closed. This.
He meant that he found it disrespectful.
OP - it's clear this is something you're new to - you've even said as much. So yes, your language might be a bit... about it all.
Sadly there aren't classes in it (although you can find great ones in certain sex shops but that's an aside!). Try reading erotica and finding what it is you enjoy saying - if the "abusive language" doesn't really work for you, there's nothing wrong with that. "
Additionally the lady in question may actually want to be disrespected and humiliated as her turn on. So it could feel very much at discord with the OP’s sense of what feels right.
Definitely support Meli’s suggestion of reading erotica and looking on BDSM sites to read and explore the interest she has more so you can see if it’s something you’d like to play around with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've an appalling mouth on me, 'romantically' speaking, to the point I've told partners early in relationships not to take any half-awake fumble-mumbles to heart. But I'd never dole it out to someone I didn't have some feelings for. It doesn't emerge the same way. |
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