FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why can’t I get a meet? The Anti-advice thread
Why can’t I get a meet? The Anti-advice thread
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There’s always a steady turnover of “why can’t I get a meet” or profile advice request threads on here (and a top tip for anyone with a legitimate query is to use the forum search function to seek out the excellent advice already out there!) but this is the thread for the ANTI advice - the guidance that’ll guarantee you no responses whatsoever!
What bogus / dubious advice can you give to anyone seeking to get a Fab meet or improve their profile?
What hints and tricks can you give to prove to be an instant turn-off!
For avoidance of doubt, this is a tongue in cheek thread so keep it light hearted! 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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For starters, ladies like their men to masculine and in control.
So choose a profile name wisely - one that indicates to them exactly what they can expect - something like CuntDestroyer* or BitchMaster69* will have you fighting them off with shitty-sticks!
(* and yes I did check to make sure nobody already had these names - that would have been awkward, right?  ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men have to send women pics of their cock from as many angles as possible with their first message with the question do you want me to smash your back doors in with this x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they don't reply or don't even read your message, they are just playing hard to get.
Persistence is key. Send 100 more messages as quickly as possible to get their attention and show that you really want to meet them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they don't reply or don't even read your message, they are just playing hard to get.
Persistence is key. Send 100 more messages as quickly as possible to get their attention and show that you really want to meet them. "
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Definitely have no pics. Women love surprises or having to waste their time asking for them.
Or if you really want to have pics only take pics of your dick from multiple angles because you know that is all we're interested in.
Also only go on about what you want in your initial message, whether the recipient finds you attractive or not, and definitely don't consider that she wants anything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If a woman posts they only want a BBC that is capable of knocking a wall down.
That really means she is glad to hear off white males that possess a penis capable of acting as a thimble warmer. |
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"Men have to send women pics of their cock from as many angles as possible with their first message with the question do you want me to smash your back doors in with this x "
Hahahahaha, I've had those |
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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
Don't give too many details away. In fact words are a distraction in most cases. Women have a lot of messages to get through so keep them brief. Keep pics to a minimum if possible also. Cock pics are the exception. You need to strike a fine balance between piquing their curiosity and leave them wanting more. If you show your face pic you run the risk of ruining the mysterious persona you have worked so hard to create.
And married men...you are the holy grail of Fab. You are in a most fortuitous situation as women love to have what isn't truly theirs and everyone loves a bit of a bad boy. Maximise the situation. Fuck the manners. Tell them to go fuck themselves til the cows come home. They'll be putty in your hands you lucky devils. Go get that clunge! |
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The cock pic deluge never EVER fails.
This can also be transposed to the club scene where you should approach your target (preferably in a gang) and wank your cock furiously as close as you can get to the target without touching.
A bonus technique is to make the thwap thwap sounds as louds as you can. Nature has taught us that these visual and sound displays work.
You can’t argue with science |
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Measuring your cock again household appliences like your sky tv remote, lynx can of deodrant.
Dont forget it is important not to tidy anything in your house for a month before taking said photo because those skid marks and cum stains on the boxers really sell that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be sure to use your status to let people get to know you. Possible topics include how manky everyone who doesn't reply to you is, how bored you are and where you're parked while waiting to be 'sucked dry' |
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Pheromones are a subconscious erotic sensation for both sexes. So, no need to bother showering, shaving or even putting clean clothes on. Your date will jump on you as soon as catch a whiff of your body odour....
'tis true  |
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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
Also, another tried and trusted method is to pretend that you are in a couple. However, the secret is not to let 'the female' actually do any chatting. This is going to destroy another carefully crafted illusion. You need to use your intelligence and really come up with wonderful excuses as to why it is you that is doing all the communicating. This not only shows male dominance but also, in the unlikely event that the person can see through your ruse, they will undoubtedly be impressed by your imagination and initiative which all girls know translates to being a demon in the sack. |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
Try the classics..
If you don't meet me in this car park in the next 20mins you are a fucking lesbian.
I want to impregnate a bitch tonight.
In case you missed the last 6 cock shots I sent you, here's another 5.
Here's 5 pictures of me unloading into "barebackgangbangcumdumpgrannie". Bet you are impressed now.
I see you got a veri from 'perfectgent8inch' last night. Why did you not respond to my 9 messages. I even did a tribute on all the Disney princesses. Frigid slag.
I am definitely uber straight alpha male. Just ignore the pic of me getting fisted by Steve.
It wasn't gay or bi. He wore a skirt and we didn't kiss. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Try the classics..
If you don't meet me in this car park in the next 20mins you are a fucking lesbian.
I want to impregnate a bitch tonight.
In case you missed the last 6 cock shots I sent you, here's another 5.
Here's 5 pictures of me unloading into "barebackgangbangcumdumpgrannie". Bet you are impressed now.
I see you got a veri from 'perfectgent8inch' last night. Why did you not respond to my 9 messages. I even did a tribute on all the Disney princesses. Frigid slag.
I am definitely uber straight alpha male. Just ignore the pic of me getting fisted by Steve.
It wasn't gay or bi. He wore a skirt and we didn't kiss."
brilliant! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Action shots. We love pics of a naked woman with a couple of inches of you visible hanging out of the back of her.
Preserves the mystique of what you actually look like and proves you can actually have sex. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Action shots. We love pics of a naked woman with a couple of inches of you visible hanging out of the back of her.
Preserves the mystique of what you actually look like and proves you can actually have sex."
 goes to rethink Friends only gallery content! ... |
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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
Don't trim your pubic hair. It is fairly common knowledge that only pussies resort to such acts. And don't be afraid to splash the cash too. Her time is valuable. Reflect that in monetary terms. How much you want to pay is up to you. I would keep it at a sensible personally. Too low and they may mistaken your offer for a joke. Too high and similar may also apply. Somewhere in the £25-40 range would prove to the person that you are to be taken seriously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Let them know you get 'tested' once every five years whether you need it or not. Shows you are concerned for your health. Not like all your past meets who have never even heard of an 'sex clinic'. Its something kinky right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Remember if they do say no you should follow up with a "your loss" type message, sending an insult like you're too fat for me anyway you slag is sure to get her to change her mind. |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
"Oh wow wow. You are so sexy. Mmmmmmm!!!! I want to rim your arse and pound your pussy till you scream
*actual message just received"
Tut tut.. you're not allowed to post private messages in the forum.. tut tut. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Action shots. We love pics of a naked woman with a couple of inches of you visible hanging out of the back of her.
Preserves the mystique of what you actually look like and proves you can actually have sex."
Yup! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try the classics..
If you don't meet me in this car park in the next 20mins you are a fucking lesbian.
I want to impregnate a bitch tonight.
In case you missed the last 6 cock shots I sent you, here's another 5.
Here's 5 pictures of me unloading into "barebackgangbangcumdumpgrannie". Bet you are impressed now.
I see you got a veri from 'perfectgent8inch' last night. Why did you not respond to my 9 messages. I even did a tribute on all the Disney princesses. Frigid slag.
I am definitely uber straight alpha male. Just ignore the pic of me getting fisted by Steve.
It wasn't gay or bi. He wore a skirt and we didn't kiss."
Ha . Too funny |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The secret is to be polite like you would at a dinner party. When someone offers to meet it's always polite to decline the offer first. Then, when they insist, that's when you accept |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People need to know you are fun. Use the word ‘fun’ as much as possible in your three line profile. Preferably combine it with ‘guy’ and make a joke about mushrooms.
Other qualities we need to know are that you are laid back, ‘discrete’ (even when you are married), respectful (even as you are complaining about women in your status) and polite (as you send us that ‘fat cunt’ post-rejection message). Other qualities that might make you sound like an individual are of no interest to us whatsoever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The secret is to be polite like you would at a dinner party. When someone offers to meet it's always polite to decline the offer first. Then, when they insist, that's when you accept "
Making it clear how busy you are and dallying about when you can meet always sharpens our interest, especially after four weeks of daily ‘Good morning’ messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There’s always a steady turnover of “why can’t I get a meet” or profile advice request threads on here (and a top tip for anyone with a legitimate query is to use the forum search function to seek out the excellent advice already out there!) but this is the thread for the ANTI advice - the guidance that’ll guarantee you no responses whatsoever!
What bogus / dubious advice can you give to anyone seeking to get a Fab meet or improve their profile?
What hints and tricks can you give to prove to be an instant turn-off!
For avoidance of doubt, this is a tongue in cheek thread so keep it light hearted!
"
It’s those cheap nasty handcuffs
Hiat - accept no other brand. Abusive governments don’t  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I made a post here that has been grating me and that doesn't reflect on what I or us as a couple are about. I missed the opportunity to delete it.
Sorry for any offence caused.
"
It’s a lighthearted thread and hopefully nobody has taken offence at what anyone else has written in jest, I certainly haven’t, but if you’re really unhappy report your own posting to admin and they might be able to remove it for you! |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
Call yourself 'ultimatechristiangreydommaster'
Then tell women they are powerless under your spell. Have the audacity to cut and paste a particularly erotic paragraph or 2 from one of the 50 shades books and hope nobody notices.. |
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"I made a post here that has been grating me and that doesn't reflect on what I or us as a couple are about. I missed the opportunity to delete it.
Sorry for any offence caused.
It’s a lighthearted thread and hopefully nobody has taken offence at what anyone else has written in jest, I certainly haven’t, but if you’re really unhappy report your own posting to admin and they might be able to remove it for you! "
Great advice and they the mods did right by us, thanks so much.
Note to self, boredom and tasteless jokes don't always translate to being funny. Lesson learned and thanks again to the moderators. Sorry Mrs FGoS too. |
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