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Pulling Teeth
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Getting decent conversation going on here is like pulling teeth these days. Even when you message people who say things on their profile such as, "we like to chat and get to know people" or similar, they're so bad at actually saying anything interesting, or bothering to help drive the conversation.
Am I alone in this? I find myself asking a constant stream of questions (which I hate doing), which just get answers with no real comeback - then if you don't ask a question, they don't reply. This happens all the time.
I know this is going to be viewed as just another single guy moaning, but it's also the same when you're a couple (I have a couples profile on here too with a buddy) so it's not got anything to do with being a single guy as the same thing happens then too.
I appreciate that people have their own way of doing things, and some people just want sex with no conversation by the way. It's just maddening sometimes when messages grind to a halt as soon as you don't ask a question.
Has the art of conversation died completely?
I'd appreciate peoples thoughts on this, perhaps from a personal point of view, and how you conduct conversation on here rather than the now traditional 'have a go at the single guy moaning' type thread. Let's keep it civil if possible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I manage ok.
The trick is to let women approach you. They often have more to say and can actually hold a conversation because they WANT to!
I have 3 new friends on here because of my forum posts! Hard to believe I know... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots are a struggle to chat to so I don't bother with them. Why persevere if the conservation isn't flowing? To my mind it means they aren't really that interested so ...next! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I manage ok.
The trick is to let women approach you. They often have more to say and can actually hold a conversation because they WANT to!
I have 3 new friends on here because of my forum posts! Hard to believe I know..."
I manage OK too, that's not my question - I don't have a problem in meeting in people from here or other sources. Truth be known I could meet people almost daily if I had the time or inclination (not a brag, just the truth). The question is about conversation, or lack of it. I take your point on them WANTING to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lots are a struggle to chat to so I don't bother with them. Why persevere if the conservation isn't flowing? To my mind it means they aren't really that interested so ...next!"
*conversation
But no. The art of conversation is definitely not dead. Finding someone on your wavelength is tricky though. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't think you are alone OP, it's a complaint I've seen a fair few times in the forum under various guises.
I think, for me personally anyway, if the conversation doesn't naturally flow, then perhaps the chemistry isn't quite there. I've experienced stilted conversation before and it just was a sign for me to move on and find more easily flowing conversation and stronger chemistry. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My least favourite of all the questions is... what would you like to chat about. Ouch - I didn't realise I had to give you a pre-determined list of topics. "
Urgh, awful. This is the thing about conversation, it has nothing to do with asking questions which is what frustrates me sometimes - especially on profiles that state they WANT to build conversation.....then don't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think you are alone OP, it's a complaint I've seen a fair few times in the forum under various guises.
I think, for me personally anyway, if the conversation doesn't naturally flow, then perhaps the chemistry isn't quite there. I've experienced stilted conversation before and it just was a sign for me to move on and find more easily flowing conversation and stronger chemistry. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My least favourite of all the questions is... what would you like to chat about. Ouch - I didn't realise I had to give you a pre-determined list of topics.
Urgh, awful. This is the thing about conversation, it has nothing to do with asking questions which is what frustrates me sometimes - especially on profiles that state they WANT to build conversation.....then don't."
Just because they want conversation it doesn't mean they want to converse with everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think most men just want a fuck n go scenario, or something to wank over. I prefer to chat like a real live person but when all they want is a warm wet hole they don't want to chat.
Saves me time as they don't bother making any effort so no need to keep chatting.
I found couples were the same (when I used to mail them on our couples profile). I've never bothered chatting to women as I figured I wouldn't be their type so can't comment on how chatty other women are.
I've found forum people to be really nice to talk to. Men, tv/ts, women and couple forumites- all groups. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My least favourite of all the questions is... what would you like to chat about. Ouch - I didn't realise I had to give you a pre-determined list of topics.
Urgh, awful. This is the thing about conversation, it has nothing to do with asking questions which is what frustrates me sometimes - especially on profiles that state they WANT to build conversation.....then don't.
Just because they want conversation it doesn't mean they want to converse with everyone. "
Of course. I get that entirely. I'm fully aware that we're not all everyones cup of tea. No reply I understand, it's when they engage you then fail miserably that gets me |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Like most things in life OP, some people you "click" with and the conversation flows naturally and without thinking about it overly - others it's an effort and slowly fizzles out.
I prefer to concentrate on the former rather than worry overly about the latter - with those there obviously wasn't a connection so wouldn't have made for a great meet anyway.
As the old saying goes, you can't appeal to all of the people all of the time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think most men just want a fuck n go scenario, or something to wank over. I prefer to chat like a real live person but when all they want is a warm wet hole they don't want to chat.
Saves me time as they don't bother making any effort so no need to keep chatting.
I found couples were the same (when I used to mail them on our couples profile). I've never bothered chatting to women as I figured I wouldn't be their type so can't comment on how chatty other women are.
I've found forum people to be really nice to talk to. Men, tv/ts, women and couple forumites- all groups. "
That's true and more to the point, so thanks. I find couples can really be the worst at this, and having been a couple myself I do get that they're overloaded with crappy messages, mostly from men.
Maybe it's just down to that point - not enough time or energy to field all the rubbish |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lots are a struggle to chat to so I don't bother with them. Why persevere if the conservation isn't flowing? To my mind it means they aren't really that interested so ...next!
*conversation
But no. The art of conversation is definitely not dead. Finding someone on your wavelength is tricky though. "
Yes this is the key and even if you have that conversation spark sometimes it doesn't always come out in a social meeting. There's plenty that you can talk to and just enjoy a great friendship with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My least favourite of all the questions is... what would you like to chat about. Ouch - I didn't realise I had to give you a pre-determined list of topics.
Urgh, awful. This is the thing about conversation, it has nothing to do with asking questions which is what frustrates me sometimes - especially on profiles that state they WANT to build conversation.....then don't.
Just because they want conversation it doesn't mean they want to converse with everyone.
Of course. I get that entirely. I'm fully aware that we're not all everyones cup of tea. No reply I understand, it's when they engage you then fail miserably that gets me"
But you don't know how it's going to go when you first contact someone. That's the problem when people try to be too polite and feel they have to respond rather than just ignoring or (even harder for some) saying no, you're not for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Like most things in life OP, some people you "click" with and the conversation flows naturally and without thinking about it overly - others it's an effort and slowly fizzles out.
I prefer to concentrate on the former rather than worry overly about the latter - with those there obviously wasn't a connection so wouldn't have made for a great meet anyway.
As the old saying goes, you can't appeal to all of the people all of the time "
Yeah, this is also true. 9 times out of 10 I bite my lip on this stuff. I've had a weak moment this morning! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think you are alone OP, it's a complaint I've seen a fair few times in the forum under various guises.
I think, for me personally anyway, if the conversation doesn't naturally flow, then perhaps the chemistry isn't quite there. I've experienced stilted conversation before and it just was a sign for me to move on and find more easily flowing conversation and stronger chemistry. "
I have one friend and when we meet for a chat, 4 hours go by in the blink of an eye.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My least favourite of all the questions is... what would you like to chat about. Ouch - I didn't realise I had to give you a pre-determined list of topics.
Urgh, awful. This is the thing about conversation, it has nothing to do with asking questions which is what frustrates me sometimes - especially on profiles that state they WANT to build conversation.....then don't.
Just because they want conversation it doesn't mean they want to converse with everyone.
Of course. I get that entirely. I'm fully aware that we're not all everyones cup of tea. No reply I understand, it's when they engage you then fail miserably that gets me
But you don't know how it's going to go when you first contact someone. That's the problem when people try to be too polite and feel they have to respond rather than just ignoring or (even harder for some) saying no, you're not for me. "
I find straightforward rejection entirely reasonable on here - if someone says 'thanks but no thanks' I'm totally onboard with that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My least favourite of all the questions is... what would you like to chat about. Ouch - I didn't realise I had to give you a pre-determined list of topics.
Urgh, awful. This is the thing about conversation, it has nothing to do with asking questions which is what frustrates me sometimes - especially on profiles that state they WANT to build conversation.....then don't.
Just because they want conversation it doesn't mean they want to converse with everyone.
Of course. I get that entirely. I'm fully aware that we're not all everyones cup of tea. No reply I understand, it's when they engage you then fail miserably that gets me
But you don't know how it's going to go when you first contact someone. That's the problem when people try to be too polite and feel they have to respond rather than just ignoring or (even harder for some) saying no, you're not for me.
I find straightforward rejection entirely reasonable on here - if someone says 'thanks but no thanks' I'm totally onboard with that "
Yes. But many don't like rejecting people because not everyone responds reasonably. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find straightforward rejection entirely reasonable on here - if someone says 'thanks but no thanks' I'm totally onboard with that
Yes. But many don't like rejecting people because not everyone responds reasonably. "
Yes, I'm very aware of all this. We're going off on a bit of a tangent now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My least favourite of all the questions is... what would you like to chat about. Ouch - I didn't realise I had to give you a pre-determined list of topics.
Urgh, awful. This is the thing about conversation, it has nothing to do with asking questions which is what frustrates me sometimes - especially on profiles that state they WANT to build conversation.....then don't.
Just because they want conversation it doesn't mean they want to converse with everyone.
Of course. I get that entirely. I'm fully aware that we're not all everyones cup of tea. No reply I understand, it's when they engage you then fail miserably that gets me
But you don't know how it's going to go when you first contact someone. That's the problem when people try to be too polite and feel they have to respond rather than just ignoring or (even harder for some) saying no, you're not for me.
I find straightforward rejection entirely reasonable on here - if someone says 'thanks but no thanks' I'm totally onboard with that
Yes. But many don't like rejecting people because not everyone responds reasonably. "
No one likes rejection true but in the conversations prior to meeting everyone should be aware that it's possible that it might not go anywhere. Personally for me I don't have an issue and what's ment to be will be. |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
"Getting decent conversation going on here is like pulling teeth these days. Even when you message people who say things on their profile such as, "we like to chat and get to know people" or similar, they're so bad at actually saying anything interesting, or bothering to help drive the conversation.
Am I alone in this? I find myself asking a constant stream of questions (which I hate doing), which just get answers with no real comeback - then if you don't ask a question, they don't reply. This happens all the time.
I know this is going to be viewed as just another single guy moaning, but it's also the same when you're a couple (I have a couples profile on here too with a buddy) so it's not got anything to do with being a single guy as the same thing happens then too.
I appreciate that people have their own way of doing things, and some people just want sex with no conversation by the way. It's just maddening sometimes when messages grind to a halt as soon as you don't ask a question.
Has the art of conversation died completely?
I'd appreciate peoples thoughts on this, perhaps from a personal point of view, and how you conduct conversation on here rather than the now traditional 'have a go at the single guy moaning' type thread. Let's keep it civil if possible."
Yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find straightforward rejection entirely reasonable on here - if someone says 'thanks but no thanks' I'm totally onboard with that
Yes. But many don't like rejecting people because not everyone responds reasonably.
Yes, I'm very aware of all this. We're going off on a bit of a tangent now "
Op control your thread man   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find straightforward rejection entirely reasonable on here - if someone says 'thanks but no thanks' I'm totally onboard with that
Yes. But many don't like rejecting people because not everyone responds reasonably.
Yes, I'm very aware of all this. We're going off on a bit of a tangent now "
Not really. It's a valid reason as to why conversation may become stilted and why I wouldn't bother pursuing when it does. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find straightforward rejection entirely reasonable on here - if someone says 'thanks but no thanks' I'm totally onboard with that
Yes. But many don't like rejecting people because not everyone responds reasonably.
Yes, I'm very aware of all this. We're going off on a bit of a tangent now
Not really. It's a valid reason as to why conversation may become stilted and why I wouldn't bother pursuing when it does. "
Gotcha. I see where you're coming from now, and yes you're right. Thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP do you find online chatting with people you've never met any different to face to face conversation?
I find it easier over a coffee. I'm shit at thinking of things to say on here.
I also do the question thing but try and make sure I give info for them to talk to me about too. Also questions that need a proper answer and not just yes or no.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP do you find online chatting with people you've never met any different to face to face conversation?
I find it easier over a coffee. I'm shit at thinking of things to say on here.
I also do the question thing but try and make sure I give info for them to talk to me about too. Also questions that need a proper answer and not just yes or no.
"
I think an initial question or two is what promotes conversation, either online or in the flesh. Some people are obviously going to be better at one or the other for sure. Personally I prefer face to face since aI'm someone with really good social skills - I've never found conversation something difficult so maybe my issue is people not wanting to, or not being able to keep up. I talk a lot! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find if it's someone I'm interested in, the conversation flows better
Some people bring sex into the chat too early and that's a turn-off"
Yes. Totally agree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP do you find online chatting with people you've never met any different to face to face conversation?
I find it easier over a coffee. I'm shit at thinking of things to say on here.
I also do the question thing but try and make sure I give info for them to talk to me about too. Also questions that need a proper answer and not just yes or no.
"
I'm ok with either way but sometimes nerves for people will make the face to face side so much harder. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP do you find online chatting with people you've never met any different to face to face conversation?
I find it easier over a coffee. I'm shit at thinking of things to say on here.
I also do the question thing but try and make sure I give info for them to talk to me about too. Also questions that need a proper answer and not just yes or no.
I'm ok with either way but sometimes nerves for people will make the face to face side so much harder. "
Hmmm lol x |
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"Getting decent conversation going on here is like pulling teeth these days. Even when you message people who say things on their profile such as, "we like to chat and get to know people" or similar, they're so bad at actually saying anything interesting, or bothering to help drive the conversation.
Am I alone in this? I find myself asking a constant stream of questions (which I hate doing), which just get answers with no real comeback - then if you don't ask a question, they don't reply. This happens all the time.
I know this is going to be viewed as just another single guy moaning, but it's also the same when you're a couple (I have a couples profile on here too with a buddy) so it's not got anything to do with being a single guy as the same thing happens then too.
I appreciate that people have their own way of doing things, and some people just want sex with no conversation by the way. It's just maddening sometimes when messages grind to a halt as soon as you don't ask a question.
Has the art of conversation died completely?
I'd appreciate peoples thoughts on this, perhaps from a personal point of view, and how you conduct conversation on here rather than the now traditional 'have a go at the single guy moaning' type thread. Let's keep it civil if possible."
Just because a profile says they like to chat and get to know people doesn’t mean they will chat to everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP do you find online chatting with people you've never met any different to face to face conversation?
I find it easier over a coffee. I'm shit at thinking of things to say on here.
I also do the question thing but try and make sure I give info for them to talk to me about too. Also questions that need a proper answer and not just yes or no.
I'm ok with either way but sometimes nerves for people will make the face to face side so much harder. "
I had an old friend who taught me a trick to help me with the nerves. I find it easier one to one than groups. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP do you find online chatting with people you've never met any different to face to face conversation?
I find it easier over a coffee. I'm shit at thinking of things to say on here.
I also do the question thing but try and make sure I give info for them to talk to me about too. Also questions that need a proper answer and not just yes or no.
I think an initial question or two is what promotes conversation, either online or in the flesh. Some people are obviously going to be better at one or the other for sure. Personally I prefer face to face since aI'm someone with really good social skills - I've never found conversation something difficult so maybe my issue is people not wanting to, or not being able to keep up. I talk a lot!"
I have terrible social skills. I should be a hermit. 
I like chatty people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP do you find online chatting with people you've never met any different to face to face conversation?
I find it easier over a coffee. I'm shit at thinking of things to say on here.
I also do the question thing but try and make sure I give info for them to talk to me about too. Also questions that need a proper answer and not just yes or no.
I'm ok with either way but sometimes nerves for people will make the face to face side so much harder.
I had an old friend who taught me a trick to help me with the nerves. I find it easier one to one than groups. "
Strangely enough I get a strange kick out of talking to large groups but that's purely for work not sure it's the same in this context. What was the trick for one to one? I'm asking for a friend in the thread |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP do you find online chatting with people you've never met any different to face to face conversation?
I find it easier over a coffee. I'm shit at thinking of things to say on here.
I also do the question thing but try and make sure I give info for them to talk to me about too. Also questions that need a proper answer and not just yes or no.
I think an initial question or two is what promotes conversation, either online or in the flesh. Some people are obviously going to be better at one or the other for sure. Personally I prefer face to face since aI'm someone with really good social skills - I've never found conversation something difficult so maybe my issue is people not wanting to, or not being able to keep up. I talk a lot!
I have terrible social skills. I should be a hermit.
I like chatty people. "
Thought I was the resident hermit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The one thing I hate is you take your time to read a profile and on that profile it says one word messages will be deleted. So you send them a nice message nothing rude or crude things you might have in common. Pay them a compliment. Tell them a little about me, just to get back ( Hi) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I manage ok.
The trick is to let women approach you. They often have more to say and can actually hold a conversation because they WANT to!
I have 3 new friends on here because of my forum posts! Hard to believe I know...
I manage OK too, that's not my question - I don't have a problem in meeting in people from here or other sources. Truth be known I could meet people almost daily if I had the time or inclination (not a brag, just the truth). The question is about conversation, or lack of it. I take your point on them WANTING to."
If someone dosn't really show any inclination in chatting to you its probably the questions you ask and the way you ask them. I am sure you are not raising this point on one failed conversation (that would be a little pathetic) so it must have happened on multiple times for this to occur so you are either boring them or putting them off with your questioning. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I manage ok.
The trick is to let women approach you. They often have more to say and can actually hold a conversation because they WANT to!
I have 3 new friends on here because of my forum posts! Hard to believe I know...
I manage OK too, that's not my question - I don't have a problem in meeting in people from here or other sources. Truth be known I could meet people almost daily if I had the time or inclination (not a brag, just the truth). The question is about conversation, or lack of it. I take your point on them WANTING to.
If someone dosn't really show any inclination in chatting to you its probably the questions you ask and the way you ask them. I am sure you are not raising this point on one failed conversation (that would be a little pathetic) so it must have happened on multiple times for this to occur so you are either boring them or putting them off with your questioning. "
Yes, it's definitely me being boring. Thank you for your insight. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The one thing I hate is you take your time to read a profile and on that profile it says one word messages will be deleted. So you send them a nice message nothing rude or crude things you might have in common. Pay them a compliment. Tell them a little about me, just to get back ( Hi) "
|
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"I don't think you are alone OP, it's a complaint I've seen a fair few times in the forum under various guises.
I think, for me personally anyway, if the conversation doesn't naturally flow, then perhaps the chemistry isn't quite there. I've experienced stilted conversation before and it just was a sign for me to move on and find more easily flowing conversation and stronger chemistry. "
Can you really judge chemistry by just the written word or is that really shared interests? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Finding someone where the conversation flows, and there’s genuine discussion, spark and interest; as I’ve said to Meli plenty-a-time where the vibe/pacing/flow just clicks and curiosity, excitement and urgency builds, is wondrous. It takes two to input, and you can assess quite quickly if it’s at a discord even when everything else feels like it should work. Bearing in mind that people can simply have off days/pressures etc, so there’s room for some tolerance but I tend to find that the ability to communicate clearly and with care and credence to the other person’s value as someone worthy of respect tends to mean if there’s a reason the communication isn’t flowing (when perhaps it was before) it would be articulated so both parties are in the loop. Communicative compatibility to me is paramount. If I can’t gain enjoyment talking with them, I doubt I’d gain any pleasure being physically intimate. The great thing is, whosoever does not appeal to me (nor I to them) will undoubtedly have plenty of other people that find what I deem the mundanity of their chat to be a riveting diatribe! The beauty of diversity. |
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Everyone on here has slightly different reasons for being so. For some the chat is the thing, and others prefer to get face to face as soon as possible. I’ve gone from initial measage to coffee to bed in 3 hours flat and also spent 3 months of Kik or WhatsApp before meeting. The thing is to know when to let it go. Nothing can be more frustrating than one word responses or days between communication, but it works both ways. I understand that if they’re only person you’re chatting to, but eventually I always ask in the end. “Are you still interested?” “Then let’s meet this week or at least have a nice long phone call”. POF and all that. |
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I'm not on here to chat unless I meet someone who really intrigues or amuses me and even then I'd prefer to meet face to face.
So I guess OP if the chat isn't coming back it's because they aren't that interested.
No biggie. |
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