FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Swingles - are we missing out?
Swingles - are we missing out?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes you can be and this happened to me. I basically fell for my fuck buddy and he fell for me and we are now married.
I was adamant that Fab was just sex and it still is for for us but having fallen for someone on here emotions can get you.
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I seen to attract the ones who think I'm good enough to fuck but not good enough to be seen out with! But only after a couple of meets does their true side show so then it's back to the drawing board for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I seen to attract the ones who think I'm good enough to fuck but not good enough to be seen out with! But only after a couple of meets does their true side show so then it's back to the drawing board for me "
Same.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening."
It does seem to happen sometimes from what people have said in the forums. It's a shame if they are compatible.
Some won't say anything for fear of losing the other person when maybe they both feel the same and it could be an amazing partnership.  |
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"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening."
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening."
I was one of the lucky ones I found the one that felt good enough to have a relationship with and she felt the same  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
It does seem to happen sometimes from what people have said in the forums. It's a shame if they are compatible.
Some won't say anything for fear of losing the other person when maybe they both feel the same and it could be an amazing partnership. "
This is what I was wondering.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have fallen for someone who I was having sex with (not from here) however he never felt the same so now i try not get too close to anybody and don’t meet with people who I like really fancy. Having been single for 8 years I’ve come to the conclusion I am not girlfriend material so will spend my days collecting cats and the occasional meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not one for hiding my emotions or for trying to hold back.
I'm not here looking to meet someone in a romantic sense but I wouldn't fight it if feelings were there. I am sensible though and would be aware the other person may not be open to that in which case I would stop seeing them, things get too complicated if you both want different things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not one for hiding my emotions or for trying to hold back.
I'm not here looking to meet someone in a romantic sense but I wouldn't fight it if feelings were there. I am sensible though and would be aware the other person may not be open to that in which case I would stop seeing them, things get too complicated if you both want different things. "
Communication is key. You may not hear what you want to hear but at you know. |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
All I will say is having been on here as a single and now in a couple I know which I prefer. I had a great time on here meeting alone but sharing the experiences with someone you're close to makes it so much better. |
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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago
The dot in the i |
I’ve done this before and fallen for a fwb, it lasted a while but wasn’t right in the end, I did get a telling off from a different fwb I had at the time though when I ‘picked’ one over the other |
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We met as singles and had no intentions of relationships. But when chemistry is right it's right. I just knew she was the one for me. By chance picked by the only needle in the haystack. But of course it only works if the feelings are mutual. If the forums tell me one thing it's that often the extent of playmates feeling for each other can be often miss matched and this is often a source of pain on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx"
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ? |
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"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ?"
Possibly - but my problem has always been that I’m quick to fall for anyone who shows me even a modicum of affection - even if that person is completely unsuitable!
Fab as actually been good for me as it’s taught me that affection/great sex and love can be entirely separate and I no longer fall for guys just because they give me a cuddle and a great orgasm!
Hopefully that will enable me to fall for the right person for me if/when he comes along, rather than yet another Mr Wrong! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think what the op is concerned about is missing a possible wonderful relationship because you're both assuming the other only wants sex. I'd like to imagine that if I really hit it off with someone and they hit it off with me it would be pretty obvious and we'd just agree to take it a day at a time and not rule anything out.
I think the kutzy fuck up nightmare where you both want more but totally fuck it up by pretending you don't is reserved for total klutzy people only... Oh and Ms Wilkes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met with someone multiple times... we have a connection, passion & lust for each other sex is incredible with her, ive dabbled in afew meet and plays on here but without that connection it just feels like disappointing shallow sex, me and my fwb have a ongoing thing going off.. its incredibly intense... you dont get that with casual 1 night hook ups. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think what the op is concerned about is missing a possible wonderful relationship because you're both assuming the other only wants sex. I'd like to imagine that if I really hit it off with someone and they hit it off with me it would be pretty obvious and we'd just agree to take it a day at a time and not rule anything out.
I think the kutzy fuck up nightmare where you both want more but totally fuck it up by pretending you don't is reserved for total klutzy people only... Oh and Ms Wilkes "
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I met with someone multiple times... we have a connection, passion & lust for each other sex is incredible with her, ive dabbled in afew meet and plays on here but without that connection it just feels like disappointing shallow sex, me and my fwb have a ongoing thing going off.. its incredibly intense... you dont get that with casual 1 night hook ups."
That sounds amazing! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I seen to attract the ones who think I'm good enough to fuck but not good enough to be seen out with! But only after a couple of meets does their true side show so then it's back to the drawing board for me
Same. "
I’ve come to the conclusion that’s part of the fab dynamic. One or two meets of decent sex but anything beyond that risks feelings developing so many just move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ?"
I think if it is mutual it would be madness not to at least give it a little try? As long as you would be strong enough for if it didn't work out down the line. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I met with someone multiple times... we have a connection, passion & lust for each other sex is incredible with her, ive dabbled in afew meet and plays on here but without that connection it just feels like disappointing shallow sex, me and my fwb have a ongoing thing going off.. its incredibly intense... you dont get that with casual 1 night hook ups.
That sounds amazing!"
It really is. I came off here but recently came back on purely for the social & forums. But we have chatted and love the risque of getting caught, we both love the thought of people watching us so are going to break our club cherry soon  |
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"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ?
I think if it is mutual it would be madness not to at least give it a little try? As long as you would be strong enough for if it didn't work out down the line. "
There are times when it can be mutual but circumstance is your enemy. Like you though, I think it would be madness not to give something a go if the pieces fit. |
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"I found my soul mate from another swinging site ... wasn’t looking for it but it was mutual and the most wonderful 3.5yrs together before Cancer decided to take him .... so yep it can happen ... just go with the flow and be honest "
Sorry to hear that,hugs xx
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ?
I think if it is mutual it would be madness not to at least give it a little try? As long as you would be strong enough for if it didn't work out down the line.
There are times when it can be mutual but circumstance is your enemy. Like you though, I think it would be madness not to give something a go if the pieces fit."
Circumstances are always a bugbear. Right place wrong time etc |
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"I found my soul mate from another swinging site ... wasn’t looking for it but it was mutual and the most wonderful 3.5yrs together before Cancer decided to take him .... so yep it can happen ... just go with the flow and be honest
Sorry to hear that,hugs xx
Miss"
Thanks xxxx |
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"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ?
I think if it is mutual it would be madness not to at least give it a little try? As long as you would be strong enough for if it didn't work out down the line.
There are times when it can be mutual but circumstance is your enemy. Like you though, I think it would be madness not to give something a go if the pieces fit."
When you meet people on fab it’s often more complicated!
For one thing - many of us, particularly forumites, meet people an awful long way away for the occasional great weekend! Whilst this works for a friendship it can be a barrier to a relationship!
Also consider that many of us meet/have fab friendships with people from a much broader age spectrum than those we’d be likely to seek a relationship with!
Finally many of us ‘evolve ‘ during our time on fab - going from the ‘kid in a sweet shop’ and meeting pretty frequently to meeting much more rarely and being very picky about who we meet! Sometimes you can meet a wonderful person who’s newish to fab and you just have to let them get on with it - even if you’re compatible in many ways!
Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ?
I think if it is mutual it would be madness not to at least give it a little try? As long as you would be strong enough for if it didn't work out down the line.
There are times when it can be mutual but circumstance is your enemy. Like you though, I think it would be madness not to give something a go if the pieces fit.
When you meet people on fab it’s often more complicated!
For one thing - many of us, particularly forumites, meet people an awful long way away for the occasional great weekend! Whilst this works for a friendship it can be a barrier to a relationship!
Also consider that many of us meet/have fab friendships with people from a much broader age spectrum than those we’d be likely to seek a relationship with!
Finally many of us ‘evolve ‘ during our time on fab - going from the ‘kid in a sweet shop’ and meeting pretty frequently to meeting much more rarely and being very picky about who we meet! Sometimes you can meet a wonderful person who’s newish to fab and you just have to let them get on with it - even if you’re compatible in many ways!
Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
"
All those guards that people put up...maybe the general lack of trust on here plays a part, maybe we become used to the commodity nature of fab and forget that real people are still people whether we meet them here or elsewhere...Or maybe the sweetie shop mentality will always be there so that we will always hide behind some sort of walk out of a sense of self protection. Or msybe we all all jyst fucked and only the very lucky few ever manage to be in the right place at the right time or have the desire to make anything but the most transient relationships work...
Wanders off back into the man cave where I can go back to hiding from .... |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me. |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ?
I think if it is mutual it would be madness not to at least give it a little try? As long as you would be strong enough for if it didn't work out down the line.
There are times when it can be mutual but circumstance is your enemy. Like you though, I think it would be madness not to give something a go if the pieces fit.
When you meet people on fab it’s often more complicated!
For one thing - many of us, particularly forumites, meet people an awful long way away for the occasional great weekend! Whilst this works for a friendship it can be a barrier to a relationship!
Also consider that many of us meet/have fab friendships with people from a much broader age spectrum than those we’d be likely to seek a relationship with!
Finally many of us ‘evolve ‘ during our time on fab - going from the ‘kid in a sweet shop’ and meeting pretty frequently to meeting much more rarely and being very picky about who we meet! Sometimes you can meet a wonderful person who’s newish to fab and you just have to let them get on with it - even if you’re compatible in many ways!
Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
All those guards that people put up...maybe the general lack of trust on here plays a part, maybe we become used to the commodity nature of fab and forget that real people are still people whether we meet them here or elsewhere...Or maybe the sweetie shop mentality will always be there so that we will always hide behind some sort of walk out of a sense of self protection. Or msybe we all all jyst fucked and only the very lucky few ever manage to be in the right place at the right time or have the desire to make anything but the most transient relationships work...
Wanders off back into the man cave where I can go back to hiding from ...."
Spot on  |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"A question for the single swingers out there:
While we all work to manage our emotions, not get attached, move on before feelings develop, are we occasionally missing out on possible deeper connections and relationship opportunities?
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I know exactly what you mean op - but after years on Fab I’m definitely open to a relationship with the right person! In the meantime, though, I’m happy to have nsa with lovely people without getting too attached/hurt!
Occasionally it can be a tricky wire to balance on though! Xx
Yes - and if both of you are actively managing feelings, could it be that you are missing out on a possible relationship ?
I think if it is mutual it would be madness not to at least give it a little try? As long as you would be strong enough for if it didn't work out down the line.
There are times when it can be mutual but circumstance is your enemy. Like you though, I think it would be madness not to give something a go if the pieces fit.
When you meet people on fab it’s often more complicated!
For one thing - many of us, particularly forumites, meet people an awful long way away for the occasional great weekend! Whilst this works for a friendship it can be a barrier to a relationship!
Also consider that many of us meet/have fab friendships with people from a much broader age spectrum than those we’d be likely to seek a relationship with!
Finally many of us ‘evolve ‘ during our time on fab - going from the ‘kid in a sweet shop’ and meeting pretty frequently to meeting much more rarely and being very picky about who we meet! Sometimes you can meet a wonderful person who’s newish to fab and you just have to let them get on with it - even if you’re compatible in many ways!
Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
"
It certainly is a very delicate balancing act, and just like a tightrope walker, there's always the risk of falling.
I've cone across many a fascinating woman both in and out of fab that under different circumstances, could have been long term relationship material. There are so many compatible people out there that given the right conditions, could be person right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me. "
Do you mean meeting people who don't use the forums? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me. "
Not necessarily. I remember publishing a veri for a particular couple on my last account, nothing to do with the forums, and had several messages from contacts asking me to introduce them, congratulating me, asking questions etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Both of my last 2 relationships were love at first browse on swinging sites. Thus I have yet to actually experience any swinging yet as a result. "
Gosh! Not sure whether to wish you happy swinging or for another relationship. |
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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
"Both of my last 2 relationships were love at first browse on swinging sites. Thus I have yet to actually experience any swinging yet as a result.
Gosh! Not sure whether to wish you happy swinging or for another relationship."
Was obviously never the intention to go looking for a serious relationship. Just happened... twice! The fact I am here means I am not looking for another relationship but lightning did strike twice already... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me. "
I can only talk for myself but I would never discuss women I'd met with others on the forum. I agree though that there's the worry others may not be so honourable... it is a bit of a gossip fest in here and I'm really not a gossiper in the slightest. But I hope that's not the case |
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It partly depends on how good you are at compartmentalizing your relationships and emotions. And also how sensitive you may be to seeing possibilities as well as potentially reciprocal interests from others. I've met many people I would date, some perhaps where love could have developed.
I think when.you have this lifestyle that you need to accept that this is a potential cost. You have to be comfortable with the losses you may face. If you are meeting sufficient suitable people elsewhere, even if not actually seeking a relationship, then it's less of an issue.
Like others, I've met people this way and ended up dating. I've also missed out on possible dating with some, due to how we met.
|
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By *annooWoman
over a year ago
Hastings |
I think it's all down to connection and love and stuff and at the end of the day we are human and we can't help how we feel no matter how we met someone
Some my mates got into relationships from a d*unken one night stand they never remembered even having
So I believe anything is possible
I do think I go into a meet with my heart shut off and the wall up saying it's a fuck and nothing else
But after five years on the site have become friends with heaps of people I've met through meets clubs and in general off here and the odd one j grew attached to, I wouldn't say I've fallen for anyone yet...but even if I do, it's one them things
Only one life, live it, tomorrow might not come xxx |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me.
Do you mean meeting people who don't use the forums?"
yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm just out of a marriage and absolutely only need fucking, no relationship. I'm not in any way ready for or want one. I love being a single swingle"
*Phones for a taxi somewhere in the north east* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I am meeting someone for a social, after talking for a while. We have discussed the if we click is it just fun or see if anything happens. I know we are both looking for possible relationship. I would like to think that there is more than just meets and sex. Maybe her and I are on the wrong site? I think we all come to a point we all want more I guess older you are the more you feel that way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It partly depends on how good you are at compartmentalizing your relationships and emotions. And also how sensitive you may be to seeing possibilities as well as potentially reciprocal interests from others. I've met many people I would date, some perhaps where love could have developed.
I think when.you have this lifestyle that you need to accept that this is a potential cost. You have to be comfortable with the losses you may face. If you are meeting sufficient suitable people elsewhere, even if not actually seeking a relationship, then it's less of an issue.
Like others, I've met people this way and ended up dating. I've also missed out on possible dating with some, due to how we met.
"
That’s a very honest post. Thank you! |
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I have met one woman from here that I could and did develop feelings for I believe but for certain complications on her side it would have grown into a full on relationship.
Thing is if I'm meeting on a one to one including couples I have to like them or nothing is going to happen. I suppose the chance of something devolping is always there but I won't cross that line unless it's mutual.
By the way can I say I am open to a full on relationship if there is anyone looking for an old git |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me.
I can only talk for myself but I would never discuss women I'd met with others on the forum. I agree though that there's the worry others may not be so honourable... it is a bit of a gossip fest in here and I'm really not a gossiper in the slightest. But I hope that's not the case "
Ah, you're lost there. Lots of back channel chat between the ladies on here..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening."
I think I do exactly that OP 
I'm not very good at relationships and have given up trying to be in one!
But then NSA feels pointless and that is why I'm not meeting anyone at the moment
I don't want to be a lonely sexless nun but I'm bored of meaningless fucks with people I don't know!
So yes I do feel like I'm preventing something meaningful from happening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me.
Do you mean meeting people who don't use the forums? yes "
Sorry I misread the gist of the thread when I responded to your previous point spider. I think the problem is verifications not the forum. I've had a few meets since I joined this time and 0 verifications from them. Partly because it felt a bit crass, like using someone as an advert to fuck someone else, and partly because I guess the person didn't feel like broadcasting her sexual endeavours to the world.
I think the issue is that when you put yourself on the forum and start letting your character out it's kinda like fishing using hand grenades. You inevitably start getting more attention. And it's that attention, with people possibly checking your verifications and keeping an eye on your "progress", that may make you feel slightly exposed, regardless of if you meet on the forum or off.
Other than that, I can't imagine how meeting a non forum member would be any more private... unless you're referring to something like my previous post i.e forum gossip. Even then, there are some people who are terrible gossips who aren't on the forums. When I was swinging with my ex there was one couple who seemed to know everything everyone was doing and they were never on the forums. We'd bump into them and they'd tell us about what we'd done in between the last time we met them. Now that was claustrophobic!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me.
Do you mean meeting people who don't use the forums? yes
Sorry I misread the gist of the thread when I responded to your previous point spider. I think the problem is verifications not the forum. I've had a few meets since I joined this time and 0 verifications from them. Partly because it felt a bit crass, like using someone as an advert to fuck someone else, and partly because I guess the person didn't feel like broadcasting her sexual endeavours to the world.
I think the issue is that when you put yourself on the forum and start letting your character out it's kinda like fishing using hand grenades. You inevitably start getting more attention. And it's that attention, with people possibly checking your verifications and keeping an eye on your "progress", that may make you feel slightly exposed, regardless of if you meet on the forum or off.
Other than that, I can't imagine how meeting a non forum member would be any more private... unless you're referring to something like my previous post i.e forum gossip. Even then, there are some people who are terrible gossips who aren't on the forums. When I was swinging with my ex there was one couple who seemed to know everything everyone was doing and they were never on the forums. We'd bump into them and they'd tell us about what we'd done in between the last time we met them. Now that was claustrophobic!! "
Fishing with hand grenades!!
My posts killed all interest in me.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can only talk for myself but I would never discuss women I'd met with others on the forum. I agree though that there's the worry others may not be so honourable... it is a bit of a gossip fest in here and I'm really not a gossiper in the slightest. But I hope that's not the case
Ah, you're lost there. Lots of back channel chat between the ladies on here....."
Oh Well in that case you ladies have made your own bed and you have to lie in it. A gentleman never talks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me.
Do you mean meeting people who don't use the forums? yes
Sorry I misread the gist of the thread when I responded to your previous point spider. I think the problem is verifications not the forum. I've had a few meets since I joined this time and 0 verifications from them. Partly because it felt a bit crass, like using someone as an advert to fuck someone else, and partly because I guess the person didn't feel like broadcasting her sexual endeavours to the world.
I think the issue is that when you put yourself on the forum and start letting your character out it's kinda like fishing using hand grenades. You inevitably start getting more attention. And it's that attention, with people possibly checking your verifications and keeping an eye on your "progress", that may make you feel slightly exposed, regardless of if you meet on the forum or off.
Other than that, I can't imagine how meeting a non forum member would be any more private... unless you're referring to something like my previous post i.e forum gossip. Even then, there are some people who are terrible gossips who aren't on the forums. When I was swinging with my ex there was one couple who seemed to know everything everyone was doing and they were never on the forums. We'd bump into them and they'd tell us about what we'd done in between the last time we met them. Now that was claustrophobic!!
Fishing with hand grenades!!
My posts killed all interest in me. "
Your hand grenades were too big |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have met one woman from here that I could and did develop feelings for I believe but for certain complications on her side it would have grown into a full on relationship.
Thing is if I'm meeting on a one to one including couples I have to like them or nothing is going to happen. I suppose the chance of something devolping is always there but I won't cross that line unless it's mutual.
By the way can I say I am open to a full on relationship if there is anyone looking for an old git "
You look like a cheerful old git though, with nice glasses.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I think I do exactly that OP
I'm not very good at relationships and have given up trying to be in one!
But then NSA feels pointless and that is why I'm not meeting anyone at the moment
I don't want to be a lonely sexless nun but I'm bored of meaningless fucks with people I don't know!
So yes I do feel like I'm preventing something meaningful from happening."
I think there’s also an issue I need to get my head around, which is pursuing longer term aims elsewhere rather than immediate term gratification on here. But probably a separate thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I think I do exactly that OP
I'm not very good at relationships and have given up trying to be in one!
But then NSA feels pointless and that is why I'm not meeting anyone at the moment
I don't want to be a lonely sexless nun but I'm bored of meaningless fucks with people I don't know!
So yes I do feel like I'm preventing something meaningful from happening.
I think there’s also an issue I need to get my head around, which is pursuing longer term aims elsewhere rather than immediate term gratification on here. But probably a separate thread."
You two need to sit down and watch Field of Dreams again just to top up your build-it-and-they-will-come-ometer There are lovely genuine guys out there who would love nothing more than build a beautiful home with you. You just need to light your torches and put them on the hillsides xx  |
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"
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I think I do exactly that OP
I'm not very good at relationships and have given up trying to be in one!
But then NSA feels pointless and that is why I'm not meeting anyone at the moment
I don't want to be a lonely sexless nun but I'm bored of meaningless fucks with people I don't know!
So yes I do feel like I'm preventing something meaningful from happening.
I think there’s also an issue I need to get my head around, which is pursuing longer term aims elsewhere rather than immediate term gratification on here. But probably a separate thread."
Isn’t it possible to do both?
I do feel that I’ve rushed into previous (bad) relationships purely because they offered me sex and affection - a need many of us have!
When I date I’ll probably stay on fab initially so I can get my sex kick here rather than jumping into bed with someone too quickly!
When I feel I know them well enough to sleep with them I’ll stop meeting on here until I’ve told them about my time on Fab and gleaned from them whether they want monogamy or an open or swinging relationship!
I’ll always go to socials/use the forums however!
I still like the idea of a relationship with a fellow fabbed though - hence the blurb on my profile! X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I think I do exactly that OP
I'm not very good at relationships and have given up trying to be in one!
But then NSA feels pointless and that is why I'm not meeting anyone at the moment
I don't want to be a lonely sexless nun but I'm bored of meaningless fucks with people I don't know!
So yes I do feel like I'm preventing something meaningful from happening.
I think there’s also an issue I need to get my head around, which is pursuing longer term aims elsewhere rather than immediate term gratification on here. But probably a separate thread.
You two need to sit down and watch Field of Dreams again just to top up your build-it-and-they-will-come-ometer There are lovely genuine guys out there who would love nothing more than build a beautiful home with you. You just need to light your torches and put them on the hillsides xx "
Pahahaha! But there’s so many sexy men down in the fab fields, that’s the thing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I think I do exactly that OP
I'm not very good at relationships and have given up trying to be in one!
But then NSA feels pointless and that is why I'm not meeting anyone at the moment
I don't want to be a lonely sexless nun but I'm bored of meaningless fucks with people I don't know!
So yes I do feel like I'm preventing something meaningful from happening.
I think there’s also an issue I need to get my head around, which is pursuing longer term aims elsewhere rather than immediate term gratification on here. But probably a separate thread.
You two need to sit down and watch Field of Dreams again just to top up your build-it-and-they-will-come-ometer There are lovely genuine guys out there who would love nothing more than build a beautiful home with you. You just need to light your torches and put them on the hillsides xx
Pahahaha! But there’s so many sexy men down in the fab fields, that’s the thing!"
Do you find most of them are looking for love or just playing around? I'm curious to know |
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So personally I won’t fuck anyone I don’t feel a connection to, and you spect the same. That leads inevitably to feelings. But that’s all good and nothing to be afraid of. Then you can establish rules about continuing swinging |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I think I do exactly that OP
I'm not very good at relationships and have given up trying to be in one!
But then NSA feels pointless and that is why I'm not meeting anyone at the moment
I don't want to be a lonely sexless nun but I'm bored of meaningless fucks with people I don't know!
So yes I do feel like I'm preventing something meaningful from happening.
I think there’s also an issue I need to get my head around, which is pursuing longer term aims elsewhere rather than immediate term gratification on here. But probably a separate thread.
You two need to sit down and watch Field of Dreams again just to top up your build-it-and-they-will-come-ometer There are lovely genuine guys out there who would love nothing more than build a beautiful home with you. You just need to light your torches and put them on the hillsides xx
Pahahaha! But there’s so many sexy men down in the fab fields, that’s the thing!
Do you find most of them are looking for love or just playing around? I'm curious to know "
My meets - looking for quality sex with a bit of social connection. As am I. Please don’t mistake this thread as meaning I’m looking for relationships on fab. It was just musing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Had you met in different circumstances would you have been more open to a relationship developing?
I’m not thinking of the ‘good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a relationship with’ debate, more that you have come to each other with a ‘no-strings’ label attached and in trying to respect that I wonder if we sometimes prevent something more meaningful happening.
I think I do exactly that OP
I'm not very good at relationships and have given up trying to be in one!
But then NSA feels pointless and that is why I'm not meeting anyone at the moment
I don't want to be a lonely sexless nun but I'm bored of meaningless fucks with people I don't know!
So yes I do feel like I'm preventing something meaningful from happening.
I think there’s also an issue I need to get my head around, which is pursuing longer term aims elsewhere rather than immediate term gratification on here. But probably a separate thread.
You two need to sit down and watch Field of Dreams again just to top up your build-it-and-they-will-come-ometer There are lovely genuine guys out there who would love nothing more than build a beautiful home with you. You just need to light your torches and put them on the hillsides xx
Pahahaha! But there’s so many sexy men down in the fab fields, that’s the thing!
Do you find most of them are looking for love or just playing around? I'm curious to know
My meets - looking for quality sex with a bit of social connection. As am I. Please don’t mistake this thread as meaning I’m looking for relationships on fab. It was just musing."
I guess the thing is that women often say on here that they're looking for something more meaningful and longer term. But then they carry on meeting guys who aren't looking for that simply because they're super hot. I can see the appeal for going for the dream. But if the dream isn't on the same wavelength as you then it isn't really the dream is it? It's just you getting continually side tracked by eye candy.
Watch that black mirror episode Hang the DJ. Isn't that what lots of women are going through on here? Enjoying the presence of sexy men for frustratingly short time periods. In the end it's the time period, not necessarily the men, which gets maddening and you might be willing to enjoy the company of a less "perfect" guy in return for a less dizzying turn around
Just a thought... quite possibly utterly tangential to the entire thread haha... but a thought nonetheless |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thought I’d post a separate response rather than quoting the lengthy argument.
I have different criteria for fab meets and possible relationships. Really quite distinct. So it’s not an issue of ‘settling’ for a less perfect man, but a case of investing time elsewhere.
But yes, it’s easy to spend time having short term hedonistic fun rather than getting out and building deeper relationships with those more likely to be interested in, and suitable for, relationships.
We have diverted the thread but it had probably run out of legs anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thought I’d post a separate response rather than quoting the lengthy argument.
I have different criteria for fab meets and possible relationships. Really quite distinct. So it’s not an issue of ‘settling’ for a less perfect man, but a case of investing time elsewhere.
But yes, it’s easy to spend time having short term hedonistic fun rather than getting out and building deeper relationships with those more likely to be interested in, and suitable for, relationships.
We have diverted the thread but it had probably run out of legs anyway."
I think yours is a good approach. It's an interesting issue though. But maybe worthy of a thread of its own some time. Thanks for replying xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thought I’d post a separate response rather than quoting the lengthy argument.
I have different criteria for fab meets and possible relationships. Really quite distinct. So it’s not an issue of ‘settling’ for a less perfect man, but a case of investing time elsewhere.
But yes, it’s easy to spend time having short term hedonistic fun rather than getting out and building deeper relationships with those more likely to be interested in, and suitable for, relationships.
We have diverted the thread but it had probably run out of legs anyway."
Its not a spider in a psychos house |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thought I’d post a separate response rather than quoting the lengthy argument.
I have different criteria for fab meets and possible relationships. Really quite distinct. So it’s not an issue of ‘settling’ for a less perfect man, but a case of investing time elsewhere.
But yes, it’s easy to spend time having short term hedonistic fun rather than getting out and building deeper relationships with those more likely to be interested in, and suitable for, relationships.
We have diverted the thread but it had probably run out of legs anyway.
Its not a spider in a psychos house "
|
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"I have met one woman from here that I could and did develop feelings for I believe but for certain complications on her side it would have grown into a full on relationship.
Thing is if I'm meeting on a one to one including couples I have to like them or nothing is going to happen. I suppose the chance of something devolping is always there but I won't cross that line unless it's mutual.
By the way can I say I am open to a full on relationship if there is anyone looking for an old git "
I meet old gits, but I have a real problem with the word 'norty'!! Aaaargh! That's nearly as bad as 'nawty' and will put many women off on the spot lol! |
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By *_Yeah19Couple
over a year ago
Lincoln |
We started off with a no strings deal but soon became clear there was more to it than that on both sides so just went with it and here we are a year later in our new house!
Having been newly single it would have been very easy to just stick to that and not let myself be open to the possibility of anything, after all there was a huge Fab world that I only barely dipped my toe into!
By all means start off with one mindset, but to be closed to the idea of something else may mean you miss out on something awesome.
TB |
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"Added to that, no matter how good a meet you have with someone, the likelihood is that they’ll be fucking someone else soon afterwards - and unlike in the real world you get to read about how great it was in the veri they publish right above yours!
Little wonder, when you think about it, that most singles put some kind of guard up to avoid getting hurt!
This always seems so differant when you meet outside the forums it just seems more a private affair or is that just me. "
It is - the bullshit and the lamppost pissing on here is nauseating.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We started off with a no strings deal but soon became clear there was more to it than that on both sides so just went with it and here we are a year later in our new house!
Having been newly single it would have been very easy to just stick to that and not let myself be open to the possibility of anything, after all there was a huge Fab world that I only barely dipped my toe into!
By all means start off with one mindset, but to be closed to the idea of something else may mean you miss out on something awesome.
TB"
How did you bring the subject up if you were both certain you only wanted to be single? I think the fear of rejection and losing an awesome FWB is what puts many people off talking about it. |
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"I have met one woman from here that I could and did develop feelings for I believe but for certain complications on her side it would have grown into a full on relationship.
Thing is if I'm meeting on a one to one including couples I have to like them or nothing is going to happen. I suppose the chance of something devolping is always there but I won't cross that line unless it's mutual.
By the way can I say I am open to a full on relationship if there is anyone looking for an old git
I meet old gits, but I have a real problem with the word 'norty'!! Aaaargh! That's nearly as bad as 'nawty' and will put many women off on the spot lol! "
Just trying to be light hearted but if it's that bad I'm happy to amend it. |
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By *_Yeah19Couple
over a year ago
Lincoln |
"We started off with a no strings deal but soon became clear there was more to it than that on both sides so just went with it and here we are a year later in our new house!
Having been newly single it would have been very easy to just stick to that and not let myself be open to the possibility of anything, after all there was a huge Fab world that I only barely dipped my toe into!
By all means start off with one mindset, but to be closed to the idea of something else may mean you miss out on something awesome.
TB
How did you bring the subject up if you were both certain you only wanted to be single? I think the fear of rejection and losing an awesome FWB is what puts many people off talking about it. "
We didn’t particularly bring it up, just went with how it was going and ended up deciding we wanted to be together properly. I wasn’t certain I wanted to be single, was just recently single at the time and willing to go with the flow.
TB |
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"I have met one woman from here that I could and did develop feelings for I believe but for certain complications on her side it would have grown into a full on relationship.
Thing is if I'm meeting on a one to one including couples I have to like them or nothing is going to happen. I suppose the chance of something devolping is always there but I won't cross that line unless it's mutual.
By the way can I say I am open to a full on relationship if there is anyone looking for an old git
I meet old gits, but I have a real problem with the word 'norty'!! Aaaargh! That's nearly as bad as 'nawty' and will put many women off on the spot lol!
Just trying to be light hearted but if it's that bad I'm happy to amend it. "
Well my advice would be to lol! |
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