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Submissive women
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By *Vine OP Man
over a year ago
The right place |
The problem with the term ‘submissive’ (like many terms that get used frequently here) is that different people use it and think they all mean the same thing.
I’ve discussed this with a few people and I’ve at least three variations.
1 - a woman that lies back and let’s the man take the lead
2 - a woman that likes to be ordered (or asked) to do certain things, so the woman does a lot of the ‘work’ but under direction.
3 - a woman that likes to be dominated, ie, rough or almost violent sex.
And of course there are combinations of all three. And probably other definitions.
So, what’s your view? One of the above or something different? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d define it as 2 or 3 which isn’t me at all but I can cope with 1 sometimes. I’ve always thought I’m not submissive in the slightest. People’s definition of dominant differ also. |
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"The problem with the term ‘submissive’ (like many terms that get used frequently here) is that different people use it and think they all mean the same thing.
I’ve discussed this with a few people and I’ve at least three variations.
1 - a woman that lies back and let’s the man take the lead
2 - a woman that likes to be ordered (or asked) to do certain things, so the woman does a lot of the ‘work’ but under direction.
3 - a woman that likes to be dominated, ie, rough or almost violent sex.
And of course there are combinations of all three. And probably other definitions.
So, what’s your view? One of the above or something different? "
I'd say example one was a Pillow Princess rather than a sub. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think it depends on the people involved im no expert at all mind you still a rookie"
Me neither. Haven’t got a scooby about all that stuff. The experts will be along soon I’m sure. My google search will be at the ready. |
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By *rsSBWoman
over a year ago
toy town |
"For me it's someone that likes to serve. To be used to give their Master/Mistress pleasure. Be that sexual gratification or administering pain, providing services, being loaned out to friends etc "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Domination has nothing to do with roughness, let alone violence."
That’s subjective though isn’t it
Seeing a woman proudly showing off bruises and marks is violence in my eyes ... but that’s my personal opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m learning so much
Pillow princess ??? "
I actually know this one I think! I think it’s when the woman just does all the taking and not interesting in giving. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lying like a sack of spuds waiting for orders.
I like a confident lady that can give as good as she can get
I've never just lay there like a sack of spuds. "
I didn’t say you personally  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I class my self as submissive with the right guy however I'm certainly not type 1!
To me being submissive it's giving your submission to your partner, whether that's enjoying BDSM play or just enjoying following his direction, my role as his submissive is to ensure I meet his needs and requirements fully. His role as my dominant is to ensure by me meeting his needs it fits within my own desires too. |
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"Lying like a sack of spuds waiting for orders.
I like a confident lady that can give as good as she can get
I've never just lay there like a sack of spuds.
I didn’t say you personally "
I know just saying you can't lump all who identify as submissive as a sack of spuds |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I class myself as being more submissive than anything else but I don't fit into any of those definitions.
What's your thoughts/definition out of interest?"
Personal definition for myself as everyone else's situation will be different.
Erm.
I always need to be in strict personal control of myself, so if I find someone I trust enough to hand control over to it's very relaxing for me... but I don't like pain or humiliation and if someone tries to push me into something I don't want or haven't discussed then it isn't happening at all. I like mild spanky pain but nothing past that. That's like the tip of the ice berg.
I tend to attract naturally dominant but caring men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lying like a sack of spuds waiting for orders.
I like a confident lady that can give as good as she can get "
OK... I'm a submissive... When you socialled with me all those years ago wouldn't you say that I'm confident who gives as good as I get?
Submission doesn't mean either of those statements |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Domination has nothing to do with roughness, let alone violence.
That’s subjective though isn’t it
Seeing a woman proudly showing off bruises and marks is violence in my eyes ... but that’s my personal opinion "
That's not dominance and submission at play, it's sadism and masochism. Often connected, but still distinct from each other. |
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"Not into sub/dom find it dehumanises people and sex/relationships it's also open to abuse by some "
Totally disagree with that description.
In our experience it requires a deep understanding between dom and sub. Playing with boundaries but not ignoring them. That involves a great deal of communication.
And most of all great respect and trust. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lying like a sack of spuds waiting for orders.
I like a confident lady that can give as good as she can get
OK... I'm a submissive... When you socialled with me all those years ago wouldn't you say that I'm confident who gives as good as I get?
Submission doesn't mean either of those statements "
Definitely confident and feisty.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lying like a sack of spuds waiting for orders.
I like a confident lady that can give as good as she can get
I've never just lay there like a sack of spuds.
I didn’t say you personally
I know just saying you can't lump all who identify as submissive as a sack of spuds "
But I do love a baked spud |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m more submissive than dominant but to truly be that way I’d have to trust the bloke
For me it’s more about completely trusting the other person to do as he wants...It can also put me in a very powerful position... if I say no then it’s no...
There’s nothing that turns me on more than knowing I’m turning the other person on... the moans are from what I’m doing... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lying like a sack of spuds waiting for orders.
I like a confident lady that can give as good as she can get
I've never just lay there like a sack of spuds.
I didn’t say you personally
I know just saying you can't lump all who identify as submissive as a sack of spuds "
A good sub is far more responsive than a sack of spuds |
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To me a submissive is someone who's personality dictates that at varying times in their life they like to hand over control to another within agreed boundaries.
Some like to be led all the time, some don't.
Some are masochist and enjoy pain, some arn't or the Dominant isn't able to strike their submissive.
Some are weak willed, others are strong willed.
Some are lazy, others are hyper active.
I think there are as many different types of submissive as there are submissives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A sub gives themselves 100% to their Master / Dom. The Master / Dom takes full control. However, the sub has all the power.
There are many different ways a Dom / sub relationship works. Unless you are more specific, there is no right answer.
Bdsm
Daddy Dom
Sub princess
Humiliation
Discipline
Mind control
There are hundreds of things a sub can enjoy. So unfortunately it’s not as simple as your 3 suggestions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A good sub
Can someone explain what makes a person a good sub
Or a good Dom for that matter, I assume a good sub can’t be a good sub without a good don and vice versa? "
For me, a good 'dom' needs to know how to listen and communicate for starters. They need to make me feel safe and cared for, to give me the freedom to suggest and try new stuff, and to know how to really get into my brain. |
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By *Vine OP Man
over a year ago
The right place |
Thanks for all the responses. I guess it backs up my original point. We need to be careful with language and not assume we know what someone means if they use certain words. Because, as can be seen above, there’s a lot of different interpretations. Communication and not being afraid to ask ‘silly’ questions is the key. |
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"A good sub
Can someone explain what makes a person a good sub
Or a good Dom for that matter, I assume a good sub can’t be a good sub without a good don and vice versa?
For me, a good 'dom' needs to know how to listen and communicate for starters. They need to make me feel safe and cared for, to give me the freedom to suggest and try new stuff, and to know how to really get into my brain. "
This is how I see it as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the responses. I guess it backs up my original point. We need to be careful with language and not assume we know what someone means if they use certain words. Because, as can be seen above, there’s a lot of different interpretations. Communication and not being afraid to ask ‘silly’ questions is the key. "
Always. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The problem with the term ‘submissive’ (like many terms that get used frequently here) is that different people use it and think they all mean the same thing.
I’ve discussed this with a few people and I’ve at least three variations.
1 - a woman that lies back and let’s the man take the lead
2 - a woman that likes to be ordered (or asked) to do certain things, so the woman does a lot of the ‘work’ but under direction.
3 - a woman that likes to be dominated, ie, rough or almost violent sex.
And of course there are combinations of all three. And probably other definitions.
So, what’s your view? One of the above or something different? "
2 and 3. 1 isn't submissive,she's just a lazy bitch  . Lexi |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Regardless of gender there is no single definition of a Dominant or a submissive save for that agreed between two (or more consenting and informed adults) - what may work for one relationship may not work the same for another.
There is no right or wrong IF all parties are informed, consenting and have agreed to the dynamics of a specific relationship - there are more variations of BDSM play than there are the proverbial hot dinners - but the key comes back to being informed and consenting.
Unfortunately there are many who consider themselves either Dominant or submissive who are not informed other than by "those" books or BDSM porn and that is where things get a little contentious - doesn't necessarily mean they are wrong, if all are in agreement and consenting, but can mean their play may border on abuse or worse. |
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By *reeMan
over a year ago
Paisley |
"The problem with the term ‘submissive’ (like many terms that get used frequently here) is that different people use it and think they all mean the same thing.
I’ve discussed this with a few people and I’ve at least three variations.
1 - a woman that lies back and let’s the man take the lead
2 - a woman that likes to be ordered (or asked) to do certain things, so the woman does a lot of the ‘work’ but under direction.
3 - a woman that likes to be dominated, ie, rough or almost violent sex.
And of course there are combinations of all three. And probably other definitions.
So, what’s your view? One of the above or something different?
I'd say example one was a Pillow Princess rather than a sub."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im a submissive, voilence doesn't exist in my bdsm world and I dont lay there either lol
I love a man taking full control. I only play with fully Dominant men who know what they are doing. I love kinky toys being used and if the Dom ties me up even better. My main purpose is to please the Dom, its about making him happy. In return if he is genuine and caring he will putbme into a possible sub space where im the happiest ever.
To enjoy being submissive you need a good Dominant   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not into sub/dom find it dehumanises people and sex/relationships it's also open to abuse by some
Totally disagree with that description.
In our experience it requires a deep understanding between dom and sub. Playing with boundaries but not ignoring them. That involves a great deal of communication.
And most of all great respect and trust."
yes but in some cases when meeting others the respect and trust isn't there so I disagree with your disagreement |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I think you missed out a few stages after No 2 and jumped to the last one which should have been about number 6.
Its a complex subject the relationship between a sub and their dom, and don't forget its not just a womans role to be sub there are many other combinations!
The term submissive could be generalised in a subs willingness to do whatever pleases the dom and there is such a wide range of options in that game. From dressing to please, to following a request, to allowing the dom to control, to finding pleasure in fulfilling the doms request, to going that extra step to please him or her. |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
I’m fairly feisty as you know and so tend to be much more switchy. It’s just a natural thing to me. I need both sides in my life and my husband is the only person I can trust enough to allow my vulnerabilities out. I couldn’t be truly submissive with anyone else.
He enables and encourages my Dominant side which at the moment is doing very well too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Domination has nothing to do with roughness, let alone violence."
was going to say this myself... however so many dim dim think that to be dominant it equals rough
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So many words. So many differing definitions of what each word may mean.
The only ones that matter are those who are talking or meeting define between them as the scope of any interaction of whatever nature...
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"Yes I think you missed out a few stages after No 2 and jumped to the last one which should have been about number 6.
Its a complex subject the relationship between a sub and their dom, and don't forget its not just a womans role to be sub there are many other combinations!
The term submissive could be generalised in a subs willingness to do whatever pleases the dom and there is such a wide range of options in that game. From dressing to please, to following a request, to allowing the dom to control, to finding pleasure in fulfilling the doms request, to going that extra step to please him or her. "
As an aside - nice jacket! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not into sub/dom find it dehumanises people and sex/relationships it's also open to abuse by some
Totally disagree with that description.
In our experience it requires a deep understanding between dom and sub. Playing with boundaries but not ignoring them. That involves a great deal of communication.
And most of all great respect and trust."
this.
To me, it’s giving my body AND mind over to him. It involves immense trust and a connection that naturally is Dom/sub.
It doesn’t occur with the majority. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Someone with the right amount of submissiveness to match my right amount of dominance please. Someone willing to play with authorised transgression too. Hot as. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not into sub/dom find it dehumanises people and sex/relationships it's also open to abuse by some
Totally disagree with that description.
In our experience it requires a deep understanding between dom and sub. Playing with boundaries but not ignoring them. That involves a great deal of communication.
And most of all great respect and trust.
this.
To me, it’s giving my body AND mind over to him. It involves immense trust and a connection that naturally is Dom/sub.
It doesn’t occur with the majority. "
this |
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"The problem with the term ‘submissive’ (like many terms that get used frequently here) is that different people use it and think they all mean the same thing.
I’ve discussed this with a few people and I’ve at least three variations.
1 - a woman that lies back and let’s the man take the lead
2 - a woman that likes to be ordered (or asked) to do certain things, so the woman does a lot of the ‘work’ but under direction.
3 - a woman that likes to be dominated, ie, rough or almost violent sex.
And of course there are combinations of all three. And probably other definitions.
So, what’s your view? One of the above or something different? "
OP...your number 3 is a typical male Viewpoint into what the world of domination is truely like .its certainly not all about rough or violent sex .far from it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not into sub/dom find it dehumanises people and sex/relationships it's also open to abuse by some
Totally disagree with that description.
In our experience it requires a deep understanding between dom and sub. Playing with boundaries but not ignoring them. That involves a great deal of communication.
And most of all great respect and trust.
this.
To me, it’s giving my body AND mind over to him. It involves immense trust and a connection that naturally is Dom/sub.
It doesn’t occur with the majority. "
We've just been talking about this subject and the mind is the most powerful side to our relationship in sub/Dom mode.
I'm very bratty at times and the thrill of pushing him, testing his patience is exciting to me.
I have times where I'll be completely submissive but equally times when I will want to challenge knowing full well I'm going to be punished and my limits tested.
Each relationship will differ, no one dynamic is the same, as in any normal relationship. You work out what you both need out of the relationship and work with eachother. |
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By *Vine OP Man
over a year ago
The right place |
"The problem with the term ‘submissive’ (like many terms that get used frequently here) is that different people use it and think they all mean the same thing.
I’ve discussed this with a few people and I’ve at least three variations.
1 - a woman that lies back and let’s the man take the lead
2 - a woman that likes to be ordered (or asked) to do certain things, so the woman does a lot of the ‘work’ but under direction.
3 - a woman that likes to be dominated, ie, rough or almost violent sex.
And of course there are combinations of all three. And probably other definitions.
So, what’s your view? One of the above or something different? OP...your number 3 is a typical male Viewpoint into what the world of domination is truely like .its certainly not all about rough or violent sex .far from it "
Just to be clear, these are not my definitions.
These are three different views that I have had told to me by different people. I’m using them as examples to back up the claim that it’s a very misunderstood term. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not into sub/dom find it dehumanises people and sex/relationships it's also open to abuse by some
Totally disagree with that description.
In our experience it requires a deep understanding between dom and sub. Playing with boundaries but not ignoring them. That involves a great deal of communication.
And most of all great respect and trust.
this.
To me, it’s giving my body AND mind over to him. It involves immense trust and a connection that naturally is Dom/sub.
It doesn’t occur with the majority.
We've just been talking about this subject and the mind is the most powerful side to our relationship in sub/Dom mode.
I'm very bratty at times and the thrill of pushing him, testing his patience is exciting to me.
I have times where I'll be completely submissive but equally times when I will want to challenge knowing full well I'm going to be punished and my limits tested.
Each relationship will differ, no one dynamic is the same, as in any normal relationship. You work out what you both need out of the relationship and work with eachother. "
This sounds just like me. The difficulty is finding someone I trust AND who can handle me! My brattish side needs a firm voice and hand |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Regardless of gender there is no single definition of a Dominant or a submissive save for that agreed between two (or more consenting and informed adults) - what may work for one relationship may not work the same for another.
There is no right or wrong IF all parties are informed, consenting and have agreed to the dynamics of a specific relationship - there are more variations of BDSM play than there are the proverbial hot dinners - but the key comes back to being informed and consenting.
Unfortunately there are many who consider themselves either Dominant or submissive who are not informed other than by "those" books or BDSM porn and that is where things get a little contentious - doesn't necessarily mean they are wrong, if all are in agreement and consenting, but can mean their play may border on abuse or worse."
Once again I am in agreement with GM (except that we disagree on the effects of those books).
The labels themselves are useless without explaining how a particular individual couple plays.
Also you need to take into account whether you are talking about a long term D/S relationship or topping.
Personally too many people on Fab see D/S in terms of boyfriends and girlfriends. Plenty of people have D/S relationships with someone who is not there primary partner and want something that the primary partner cannot give. Therefore the D/S relationship does not need to provide a lot of the emotional support that people see as essential. It is only essential to them and not to a D/S relationship.
Additionally because it is seen as a boyfriend /girlfriend relationship and is being discussed by swingers sex seems to be a key part. This is a big error made by OP and a lot of people. Many D/S relationships do not have sex as a part or it is on the side. The key thing for some is service and submission.
Therefore without being clear about the specific individuals involved the words 'submissive' and 'dominant' are pretty meaninglessness except as a general guide.
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