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Is it a woman's job to fix a man?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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www.metro.co.uk/2018/09/20/it-is-not-a-womans-responsibility-to-make-a-man-a-better-human-being-7942069/
"Women don’t want to be caretakers of badly raised, ill-mannered or generally troubled men. Essentially, women don’t want to raise men, we want to grow together.
After years of trying to help Mac Miller sober up, ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande left him and was soon accused of abandoning him after his death by overdose."
Ariana posted on Twitter:
"... shaming/ blaming women for a man's inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. let's stop doing that. of course I didn't share about how hard or scary it was
..."
What do you think? |
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No! I have enough to do in my life without managing a non-functioning adult. My ex has tried to go down this road - I had issues and you left me...er yes, your inability to control your anger. No one minds working through tough times with someone they love but the impetus and work has to come from them with support from their partner. You can't drag someone kicking and screaming into new behaviours - they'll do it for a short time then return to the way they want to behave and the other person has to choose between nagging for the rest of their life or living with a compromise. |
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By *haron7540Woman
over a year ago
Hayle, Cornwall |
"www.metro.co.uk/2018/09/20/it-is-not-a-womans-responsibility-to-make-a-man-a-better-human-being-7942069/
"Women don’t want to be caretakers of badly raised, ill-mannered or generally troubled men. Essentially, women don’t want to raise men, we want to grow together.
After years of trying to help Mac Miller sober up, ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande left him and was soon accused of abandoning him after his death by overdose."
Ariana posted on Twitter:
"... shaming/ blaming women for a man's inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. let's stop doing that. of course I didn't share about how hard or scary it was
..."
What do you think?"
I'm sure Ariana did what she could because she cared but you can't help someone if they don't want to be helped. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s aboit giving someone the tools and know how on how to fix something. Then, when I’m not there, they don’t need me. You know? Help them to help themselves.
I think blaming or giving someone the responsibility isn’t right. I’m not saying someone can’t help or ‘fix’ someone, but it’s not the template on how to fix a man.
Why a woman, is this a feminist movement again?  |
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It's not a responsibility for any one gender to 'fix' the other. And partners in relationships don't have complete responsibilities for each other - they have responsibility for themselves, first and foremost - anything else is by arrangement and consent. Being in a relationship requires consent and departing, when you know that your partner isn't in the best position, isn't easy for anyone. But remaining, due to some form of emotional extortion or pressure, isn't likely healthy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men are adults. They can and should take care of themselves just as much as women, and any nurturing should be give and take. "
Sounds bang on , take responsibility for your own life ,mind you humpty dumpty was a bloke and no fecker could put him back together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can barely sort my own shit some days, being responsible for someone elses too is never happening again. I would want a partner not another child, thanks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a load of shit.
It’s more of the narrative that men are useless and women are heroes.
When a man fucks up it’s because he’s a man and somehow it’s all men’s fault. When a woman fucks up it’s because she’s an idiot and other women aren’t expected to apologise for her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men don't need fixing any more than women do.
People have problems, that they may need support with, but they fix themselves with the help and support they get, or by their own hands. |
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"www.metro.co.uk/2018/09/20/it-is-not-a-womans-responsibility-to-make-a-man-a-better-human-being-7942069/
"Women don’t want to be caretakers of badly raised, ill-mannered or generally troubled men. Essentially, women don’t want to raise men, we want to grow together.
After years of trying to help Mac Miller sober up, ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande left him and was soon accused of abandoning him after his death by overdose."
Ariana posted on Twitter:
"... shaming/ blaming women for a man's inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. let's stop doing that. of course I didn't share about how hard or scary it was
..."
What do you think?"
I tried following the logic of the article and couldn't. Someone drew a picture and that means that our whole culture is now based on the idea that woman fix men... I'm lost.
No women don't fix men. They often break them but they certainly don't do much to fix them. Most male problems come from absent fathers and boys having no masculine role model at all. |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
I'm not perfect but I don't need fixing. I'm happy in my own skin.
I used to have a tendency to go for women that needed fixing, but I learnt (the hard way) that it's not my job to do that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stay well clear of damaged men in the first place or risk the crap that follows when you do eventually tire of it."
Yup and damaged women of course because there are plenty of those to  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stay well clear of damaged men in the first place or risk the crap that follows when you do eventually tire of it.
Yup and damaged women of course because there are plenty of those to "
I wasn't going there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stay well clear of damaged men in the first place or risk the crap that follows when you do eventually tire of it.
Yup and damaged women of course because there are plenty of those to
I wasn't going there "
Maybe they become damaged in the process of trying to fix damaged men  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not a males job to fix a female, or a females job to fix a male. You help people you love fix themselves.
You can't fix anyone that doesn't want to be fixed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not a males job to fix a female, or a females job to fix a male. You help people you love fix themselves.
You can't fix anyone that doesn't want to be fixed"
The truest thing written today x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stay well clear of damaged men in the first place or risk the crap that follows when you do eventually tire of it.
Yup and damaged women of course because there are plenty of those to
I wasn't going there
Maybe they become damaged in the process of trying to fix damaged men "
Or vice versa of course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"www.metro.co.uk/2018/09/20/it-is-not-a-womans-responsibility-to-make-a-man-a-better-human-being-7942069/
"Women don’t want to be caretakers of badly raised, ill-mannered or generally troubled men. Essentially, women don’t want to raise men, we want to grow together.
After years of trying to help Mac Miller sober up, ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande left him and was soon accused of abandoning him after his death by overdose."
Ariana posted on Twitter:
"... shaming/ blaming women for a man's inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. let's stop doing that. of course I didn't share about how hard or scary it was
..."
What do you think?"
I think she was right to leave him.
My ex was an alcoholic and until they accept that they even have a drink problem then they are very hard to live with..i wanted to do my best for him but because he was in denial, he was essentially lying to himself..
The best thing i could do ultimately was to leave ..for my own sanity |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"www.metro.co.uk/2018/09/20/it-is-not-a-womans-responsibility-to-make-a-man-a-better-human-being-7942069/
"Women don’t want to be caretakers of badly raised, ill-mannered or generally troubled men. Essentially, women don’t want to raise men, we want to grow together.
After years of trying to help Mac Miller sober up, ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande left him and was soon accused of abandoning him after his death by overdose."
Ariana posted on Twitter:
"... shaming/ blaming women for a man's inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. let's stop doing that. of course I didn't share about how hard or scary it was
..."
What do you think?
I'm sure Ariana did what she could because she cared but you can't help someone if they don't want to be helped. "
You need to want help people can't do it for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Call me old fashioned and naively idealistic but I'd like to be with a woman who inspires and helps me to be a better man... and I'd like to inspire and help her become a better woman. A win win situation where we share similar life goals and, as such, help each other to become greater than the sum of our parts.
But of course this doesn't involve going out of my way to find anyone who's "broken" and then trying to "fix" them. And I wouldn't want anyone to see me as such a charity case either |
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"www.metro.co.uk/2018/09/20/it-is-not-a-womans-responsibility-to-make-a-man-a-better-human-being-7942069/
"Women don’t want to be caretakers of badly raised, ill-mannered or generally troubled men. Essentially, women don’t want to raise men, we want to grow together.
After years of trying to help Mac Miller sober up, ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande left him and was soon accused of abandoning him after his death by overdose."
Ariana posted on Twitter:
"... shaming/ blaming women for a man's inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. let's stop doing that. of course I didn't share about how hard or scary it was
..."
What do you think?"
I'd say that and your post's title sums it up in one go.
Far too many big girl's blouses and inflated egos around who still haven't got away from the idea that mummy thought they were little darlings and could do no wrong. |
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"Call me old fashioned and naively idealistic but I'd like to be with a woman who inspires and helps me to be a better man... and I'd like to inspire and help her become a better woman. A win win situation where we share similar life goals and, as such, help each other to become greater than the sum of our parts.
But of course this doesn't involve going out of my way to find anyone who's "broken" and then trying to "fix" them. And I wouldn't want anyone to see me as such a charity case either"
Got a problem with broken people? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call me old fashioned and naively idealistic but I'd like to be with a woman who inspires and helps me to be a better man... and I'd like to inspire and help her become a better woman. A win win situation where we share similar life goals and, as such, help each other to become greater than the sum of our parts.
But of course this doesn't involve going out of my way to find anyone who's "broken" and then trying to "fix" them. And I wouldn't want anyone to see me as such a charity case either
Got a problem with broken people? "
Always happy to "fix" Mrs Broken  |
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"Call me old fashioned and naively idealistic but I'd like to be with a woman who inspires and helps me to be a better man... and I'd like to inspire and help her become a better woman. A win win situation where we share similar life goals and, as such, help each other to become greater than the sum of our parts.
But of course this doesn't involve going out of my way to find anyone who's "broken" and then trying to "fix" them. And I wouldn't want anyone to see me as such a charity case either
Got a problem with broken people?
Always happy to "fix" Mrs Broken "
She's perfect, I'm the one with problems |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guess this is only asking if its a womans job to fix a man as a woman is always right and therefore never need "fixing"
To answer correctly, its no ones job to fix anybody, tho its good if people can help each other grow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's no-one's job to fix anyone, but in a relationship both parties are supposed to nurture and support each other."
They are.
Too many out there take and give nothing back. It hurts like hell so yeah, I don't blame her for getting out. Some people aren't that brave to walk away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call me old fashioned and naively idealistic but I'd like to be with a woman who inspires and helps me to be a better man... and I'd like to inspire and help her become a better woman. A win win situation where we share similar life goals and, as such, help each other to become greater than the sum of our parts.
But of course this doesn't involve going out of my way to find anyone who's "broken" and then trying to "fix" them. And I wouldn't want anyone to see me as such a charity case either
Got a problem with broken people?
Always happy to "fix" Mrs Broken
She's perfect, I'm the one with problems "
In that case I shall call her brilliant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No! I have enough to do in my life without managing a non-functioning adult. My ex has tried to go down this road - I had issues and you left me...er yes, your inability to control your anger. No one minds working through tough times with someone they love but the impetus and work has to come from them with support from their partner. You can't drag someone kicking and screaming into new behaviours - they'll do it for a short time then return to the way they want to behave and the other person has to choose between nagging for the rest of their life or living with a compromise. "
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"Some people are unfixable. I've known people invest in someone to have it thrown back in their face. Leave them to their car crash lives."
Never start a relationship with someone you think needs fixing. Hardest lesson of my life! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not a woman's job to fix a man.
But alot can be said for a woman who raises a boy to be a decent man. "
Or a man who raises a boy to be a decent man |
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A lot of emotional responsibility is/has been dumped on women of my age by society.
If you actually look at patriarchy and how men moulded women to suit that ideal it is the same as an abusive relationship. Involving shame, gaslighting, excuses and twisting blame onto women for things men do.
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"Some people are unfixable. I've known people invest in someone to have it thrown back in their face. Leave them to their car crash lives.
Never start a relationship with someone you think needs fixing. Hardest lesson of my life!"
Yep but a valuable lesson. Red flags are there for a reason. Always trust my gut instinct. |
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We are all responsible for ourselves and the only people we can actively seek to help fix us are those with specific training. Even then they can only give us the tools we need to change our lives.
Friends, family, strangers and partners can help though, by being supportive.
In my case, meeting people who are the opposite of my ex, who are honest and have good hearts has been paramount in my recovery as they've shown me there are good people in the world and not everyone is a danger. These are people that haven't given me hope, they have showed me that the hope I had was worth having.
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Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ? I mean it’s not like a car or a bike that’s broken and you get a bit knocked off and figure it’s worth it as you can mend it .
So , maybe love can be blind , and a few months down the line you realise what a mistake you’ve made . The person you’ve fallen for needs fixing , they drink way too much , take drugs , and are basically a fuck up . What do you do ? You love them so you try to mend them , help them with the pain , try to be that person they need to help them overcome their demons . But there comes a point when you realise that you’ve given your all , you have no more left , and they are still as fucked up as they were when you realised they were a mess . So you walk away , sad and sorry you couldn’t do any more , but for your own sanity you have no choice . And then they commit suicide , or overdose , or die from liver disease . And you ineveitably feel guilty , but hell no , at least you tried . Just like she did . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stay well clear of damaged men in the first place or risk the crap that follows when you do eventually tire of it.
Yup and damaged women of course because there are plenty of those to
I wasn't going there
Maybe they become damaged in the process of trying to fix damaged men
Or vice versa of course "
Well they’re supposed to be the stronger sex, clearly not then |
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ? "
I did and it was a 2.5 year disaster. The problem is that many people give you a long story about how they are just on a bad run and had some bad luck, otherwise their life would be much better. So i bought it and gave that person every opportunity they said they never had.
The truth is that the only opportunity she was really interested in, was the opportunity to waste more of her life sat on the sofa watching soap operas.
Lesson learnt. |
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ?
I did and it was a 2.5 year disaster. The problem is that many people give you a long story about how they are just on a bad run and had some bad luck, otherwise their life would be much better. So i bought it and gave that person every opportunity they said they never had.
The truth is that the only opportunity she was really interested in, was the opportunity to waste more of her life sat on the sofa watching soap operas.
Lesson learnt. "
This always baffles me I had a ex that sat and watch home an away all the way up to hollyoaks extra worked it out at like 6 hours of watching other people's made up bullshit |
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ?
I did and it was a 2.5 year disaster. The problem is that many people give you a long story about how they are just on a bad run and had some bad luck, otherwise their life would be much better. So i bought it and gave that person every opportunity they said they never had.
The truth is that the only opportunity she was really interested in, was the opportunity to waste more of her life sat on the sofa watching soap operas.
Lesson learnt. "
People hide it well behind excuses or modifying their behaviour in the short term. Then it gradually seeps out as they get comfortable. The main thing is how you react when you finally see them for what they are! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's not a males job to fix a female, or a females job to fix a male. You help people you love fix themselves.
You can't fix anyone that doesn't want to be fixed"
I agree. |
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ?
I did and it was a 2.5 year disaster. The problem is that many people give you a long story about how they are just on a bad run and had some bad luck, otherwise their life would be much better. So i bought it and gave that person every opportunity they said they never had.
The truth is that the only opportunity she was really interested in, was the opportunity to waste more of her life sat on the sofa watching soap operas.
Lesson learnt.
This always baffles me I had a ex that sat and watch home an away all the way up to hollyoaks extra worked it out at like 6 hours of watching other people's made up bullshit"
We had about 100 arguments that all started with:
"What are you doing?"
"I'm watching *insert shit show*"
"Why?"
"Because I'm chillin'"
"Ok but isn't the idea of chillin' that you do something stressful then you unwind after?"
"Maybe"
"So what have you been doing recently that's stressful?" |
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ?
I did and it was a 2.5 year disaster. The problem is that many people give you a long story about how they are just on a bad run and had some bad luck, otherwise their life would be much better. So i bought it and gave that person every opportunity they said they never had.
The truth is that the only opportunity she was really interested in, was the opportunity to waste more of her life sat on the sofa watching soap operas.
Lesson learnt.
People hide it well behind excuses or modifying their behaviour in the short term. Then it gradually seeps out as they get comfortable. The main thing is how you react when you finally see them for what they are! "
The moment it was over was when they told me that they had no intention of studying for a qualification that they'd told me they wanted to do since we got together. First they didn't have time, then when they had time, they didn't have money. When I offered to pay for it then the truth came out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ? I mean it’s not like a car or a bike that’s broken and you get a bit knocked off and figure it’s worth it as you can mend it .
So , maybe love can be blind , and a few months down the line you realise what a mistake you’ve made . The person you’ve fallen for needs fixing , they drink way too much , take drugs , and are basically a fuck up . What do you do ? You love them so you try to mend them , help them with the pain , try to be that person they need to help them overcome their demons . But there comes a point when you realise that you’ve given your all , you have no more left , and they are still as fucked up as they were when you realised they were a mess . So you walk away , sad and sorry you couldn’t do any more , but for your own sanity you have no choice . And then they commit suicide , or overdose , or die from liver disease . And you ineveitably feel guilty , but hell no , at least you tried . Just like she did . "
Exactly. Unfortunately in her case people were saying his death was perhaps because she left him and blaming her. |
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ?
I did and it was a 2.5 year disaster. The problem is that many people give you a long story about how they are just on a bad run and had some bad luck, otherwise their life would be much better. So i bought it and gave that person every opportunity they said they never had.
The truth is that the only opportunity she was really interested in, was the opportunity to waste more of her life sat on the sofa watching soap operas.
Lesson learnt.
People hide it well behind excuses or modifying their behaviour in the short term. Then it gradually seeps out as they get comfortable. The main thing is how you react when you finally see them for what they are!
The moment it was over was when they told me that they had no intention of studying for a qualification that they'd told me they wanted to do since we got together. First they didn't have time, then when they had time, they didn't have money. When I offered to pay for it then the truth came out. "
So true. Words are so very easy but it's what someone does that makes the difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You cannot blame anyone for your own alcoholism.
Neither should others be blamed for it.
The aa 12 step programme works. I'm living proof of that .
Most Jounolists would pissed up there own mother's grave if they think there's a storey in it. Scum of the earth |
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ? I mean it’s not like a car or a bike that’s broken and you get a bit knocked off and figure it’s worth it as you can mend it .
So , maybe love can be blind , and a few months down the line you realise what a mistake you’ve made . The person you’ve fallen for needs fixing , they drink way too much , take drugs , and are basically a fuck up . What do you do ? You love them so you try to mend them , help them with the pain , try to be that person they need to help them overcome their demons . But there comes a point when you realise that you’ve given your all , you have no more left , and they are still as fucked up as they were when you realised they were a mess . So you walk away , sad and sorry you couldn’t do any more , but for your own sanity you have no choice . And then they commit suicide , or overdose , or die from liver disease . And you ineveitably feel guilty , but hell no , at least you tried . Just like she did . "
...and after you have tried all that you find out that it was all lies. I pity the next person they have a relationship with cos it's a well rehearsed script they are reading from. But they know what to say to gain sympathy and court attention. True manipulators to be avoided at all cost. |
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"Surely no one in their right mind gets into a relationship with anyone who ‘ needs fixing ‘ , of either sex ? I mean it’s not like a car or a bike that’s broken and you get a bit knocked off and figure it’s worth it as you can mend it .
So , maybe love can be blind , and a few months down the line you realise what a mistake you’ve made . The person you’ve fallen for needs fixing , they drink way too much , take drugs , and are basically a fuck up . What do you do ? You love them so you try to mend them , help them with the pain , try to be that person they need to help them overcome their demons . But there comes a point when you realise that you’ve given your all , you have no more left , and they are still as fucked up as they were when you realised they were a mess . So you walk away , sad and sorry you couldn’t do any more , but for your own sanity you have no choice . And then they commit suicide , or overdose , or die from liver disease . And you ineveitably feel guilty , but hell no , at least you tried . Just like she did .
Exactly. Unfortunately in her case people were saying his death was perhaps because she left him and blaming her. "
Then those 'people' are idiots |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of emotional responsibility is/has been dumped on women of my age by society.
If you actually look at patriarchy and how men moulded women to suit that ideal it is the same as an abusive relationship. Involving shame, gaslighting, excuses and twisting blame onto women for things men do.
"
Its nit just men though. I have said men should get equal pater ity leave to womans maternity to give them time to bond with the baby and help out and build a secure family unit. This would also remove businesses from discriminating against hiring women of child baring age as men would also be entitles to the same leave.
The biggest objecters to this have always been women when i have spoken to them. Yes there are some men that dont want to get involved with their children but many do.
Unfortunaly some (by no means all) only want equal oppertunities when it makes them equal to men, but dont want it when it will make men equal to women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of emotional responsibility is/has been dumped on women of my age by society.
If you actually look at patriarchy and how men moulded women to suit that ideal it is the same as an abusive relationship. Involving shame, gaslighting, excuses and twisting blame onto women for things men do.
You can share maternity leave with the father?
Its nit just men though. I have said men should get equal pater ity leave to womans maternity to give them time to bond with the baby and help out and build a secure family unit. This would also remove businesses from discriminating against hiring women of child baring age as men would also be entitles to the same leave.
The biggest objecters to this have always been women when i have spoken to them. Yes there are some men that dont want to get involved with their children but many do.
Unfortunaly some (by no means all) only want equal oppertunities when it makes them equal to men, but dont want it when it will make men equal to women."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also, without reading every response (sorry!), god no. But the question is too open, if a person has had bad stuff happen and you love them of course you will help them through it. If the person (male or female) is entitled and doesn’t try to help themselves, or worse... then it very well could damage you than help them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can share maternity leave with the father?
You can yes. How many women would?
I doesnt matter to me im past the age of havings kids now. Offically too old!
I do believe than men should have a active role in their childs lives tho and that role should be seen and valued by others too. Were not just here to donate the sperm! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can share maternity leave with the father?
You can yes. How many women would?
I doesnt matter to me im past the age of havings kids now. Offically too old!
I do believe than men should have a active role in their childs lives tho and that role should be seen and valued by others too. Were not just here to donate the sperm!"
I have employees and friends that are. It really is subjective and depends on your relationship. I would, but only if I could express and they took a bottle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can share maternity leave with the father?
You can yes. How many women would?
I doesnt matter to me im past the age of havings kids now. Offically too old!
I do believe than men should have a active role in their childs lives tho and that role should be seen and valued by others too. Were not just here to donate the sperm!
I have employees and friends that are. It really is subjective and depends on your relationship. I would, but only if I could express and they took a bottle "
Which is a good point and gives more validity to increasing a mans peternity leave so if the baby is being brest fed they can still have bonding time and help out.
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"A lot of emotional responsibility is/has been dumped on women of my age by society.
If you actually look at patriarchy and how men moulded women to suit that ideal it is the same as an abusive relationship. Involving shame, gaslighting, excuses and twisting blame onto women for things men do.
Its nit just men though. I have said men should get equal pater ity leave to womans maternity to give them time to bond with the baby and help out and build a secure family unit. This would also remove businesses from discriminating against hiring women of child baring age as men would also be entitles to the same leave.
The biggest objecters to this have always been women when i have spoken to them. Yes there are some men that dont want to get involved with their children but many do.
Unfortunaly some (by no means all) only want equal oppertunities when it makes them equal to men, but dont want it when it will make men equal to women."
Women of my age. Things are changing in society now, but till the legacy is there.
And what you on about we don't want things that make men equal to women? Like what? You want period tax knocked off your tampons or something? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No one should be fixing anyone else from within a relationship
Most people can't afford to buy their dream house outright. You have to buy one with potential and add your personal touch to it. "
Like grow together? And likely each will need support at different times,balancing out the relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No one should be fixing anyone else from within a relationship
Most people can't afford to buy their dream house outright. You have to buy one with potential and add your personal touch to it. "
That sounds a little like taking what's on offer even though it's not what you really want and changing it?
Fine if you're talking about a house but not a person? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Growing and improving together is a good ambition and the reality of life.
Being the reverse to this to some extent, I once fell for a girl who had a bad relationship with alcohol. Not dependency really, but someone who thought a bottles worth of proseco in one night was 'okay or normal' when she could not handle that volume, and left to her own devises unmoderated would consume more and often black out.
I got fed up of taking care of her and trying to encourage her to take small steps to gain control.
In the end I left her.
Nearly two years on I bumped into her. She told me after 2 months of turmoil after our relationship ended she identified that alcohol was too big a part of her life.
She got proper guidance on how to have a better relationship with booze.
She told me she now drinks only for celebrations, and only ever one or two glasses. Her life has improved, she's had holidays from the money she saved, and lost weight just by cutting it out.
That's great.
I guess what I'm saying is, if you can, try to help people improve, but you're not morally obliged to. And two drowned people is not an improvement over one. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"And what about Bobby Brown? Should he have fixed Whitney Houston?
How can a broken person fix another broken person? "
Ask the support groups how the buddy/mentor system works.
My answer is, with great difficulty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No one should be fixing anyone else from within a relationship
Most people can't afford to buy their dream house outright. You have to buy one with potential and add your personal touch to it.
That sounds a little like taking what's on offer even though it's not what you really want and changing it?
Fine if you're talking about a house but not a person? "
I kinda get this. I was on POF for a while, but everyone seems to now want an end product. Relationships need work, and supporting your partner is important. However, taking on a project in property is usually to flip, it’s not going to make for a healthy, balanced relationship though, surely? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And what about Bobby Brown? Should he have fixed Whitney Houston?
How can a broken person fix another broken person?
Ask the support groups how the buddy/mentor system works.
My answer is, with great difficulty."
A buddy or mentor is generally some who's " been there and recovered" not someone who is equally as broken as the person they are trying to help.
The only person who can fix a broken person, is themselves! A partner can support but if that person doesn't want help or recognise they need help it's futile. The helper can then become broken themselves by trying to hard! |
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"No one should be fixing anyone else from within a relationship
Most people can't afford to buy their dream house outright. You have to buy one with potential and add your personal touch to it.
That sounds a little like taking what's on offer even though it's not what you really want and changing it?
Fine if you're talking about a house but not a person? "
I was laughing at my own past logic. Like when you meet a cute girl with a lovely personality, who just happens to be lazy af. So you think, well if she was not a slob then she'd be perfect. But she always will be lazy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Someone once said to me "Everybody has baggage, but it's whether they carry it themselves or expect you to carry it for them"
Wise words."
That's a good one Minnie |
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Poor girl. Manchester now folks speculating she 'could have done more'. What a load of crap.
I've lived with an alcoholic (tried to help), two crack heads (tried to help one who graduated from the school of hard knocks. The other was pure evil) and tried to get a friend off heroin.
You can't help people who don't want to be helped  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of emotional responsibility is/has been dumped on women of my age by society.
If you actually look at patriarchy and how men moulded women to suit that ideal it is the same as an abusive relationship. Involving shame, gaslighting, excuses and twisting blame onto women for things men do.
"
Haha ha ha ha ha ha
How men moulded women....what ridiculous lies you have been sold |
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"A lot of emotional responsibility is/has been dumped on women of my age by society.
If you actually look at patriarchy and how men moulded women to suit that ideal it is the same as an abusive relationship. Involving shame, gaslighting, excuses and twisting blame onto women for things men do.
Haha ha ha ha ha ha
How men moulded women....what ridiculous lies you have been sold "
Pretty much every negative stereotype of a woman also applies to men but seen as a positive (by men, not by women).
This hypocrisy is a part of an abusive system. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of emotional responsibility is/has been dumped on women of my age by society.
If you actually look at patriarchy and how men moulded women to suit that ideal it is the same as an abusive relationship. Involving shame, gaslighting, excuses and twisting blame onto women for things men do.
Haha ha ha ha ha ha
How men moulded women....what ridiculous lies you have been sold
Pretty much every negative stereotype of a woman also applies to men but seen as a positive (by men, not by women).
This hypocrisy is a part of an abusive system."
Take a look in the mirror |
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"A lot of emotional responsibility is/has been dumped on women of my age by society.
If you actually look at patriarchy and how men moulded women to suit that ideal it is the same as an abusive relationship. Involving shame, gaslighting, excuses and twisting blame onto women for things men do.
Haha ha ha ha ha ha
How men moulded women....what ridiculous lies you have been sold
Pretty much every negative stereotype of a woman also applies to men but seen as a positive (by men, not by women).
This hypocrisy is a part of an abusive system.
Take a look in the mirror "
? I don't argue with fallacies. |
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don't go dashing everyone's hopes 