FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Compassion? Need to win?
Compassion? Need to win?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *zamiWoman
over a year ago
LONDON |
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering. "
I dont think everyone would describe themselevs as compassionate. I think a lot on this site are quite hard faced xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Having huge feet which end up in my mouth frequently I do upset people habitually but it’s never malicious- more speaking before thinking. Jumbling up my words. Not speaking with clarity and more so over text. If I do upset someone I always ensure they know that that wasn’t my intention. I try and clear the muddy waters I create. I never get into intellectual debates for this reason. I speak with my heart not necessarily my brain. What I say isn’t always what I mean if you know what I mean? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering.
I dont think everyone would describe themselevs as compassionate. I think a lot on this site are quite hard faced xx"
Yes, I referenced that.
But thanks, you’ve allowed me to clarify I’m not specifically meaning on Fab.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Having huge feet which end up in my mouth frequently I do upset people habitually but it’s never malicious- more speaking before thinking. Jumbling up my words. Not speaking with clarity and more so over text. If I do upset someone I always ensure they know that that wasn’t my intention. I try and clear the muddy waters I create. I never get into intellectual debates for this reason. I speak with my heart not necessarily my brain. What I say isn’t always what I mean if you know what I mean? "
Yes, I understand. And I think the having compassion is the seeking out to explain. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think I’m compassionate, sometimes to mine own cost. I do try to be careful of other people’s feelings and watch what I say, I do occasionally suffer with foot in mouth disease but nothing is said with any malice x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *zamiWoman
over a year ago
LONDON |
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering.
I dont think everyone would describe themselevs as compassionate. I think a lot on this site are quite hard faced xx
Yes, I referenced that.
But thanks, you’ve allowed me to clarify I’m not specifically meaning on Fab. "
I dont know what the answer is but not everybody is kind and many spend chasing after false gods e.g. money, power etc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Having huge feet which end up in my mouth frequently I do upset people habitually but it’s never malicious- more speaking before thinking. Jumbling up my words. Not speaking with clarity and more so over text. If I do upset someone I always ensure they know that that wasn’t my intention. I try and clear the muddy waters I create. I never get into intellectual debates for this reason. I speak with my heart not necessarily my brain. What I say isn’t always what I mean if you know what I mean?
Yes, I understand. And I think the having compassion is the seeking out to explain. X"
I meant to reference that but got carried away. Case in point. I care very much about others feelings and it bothers me that sometimes I struggle to be clear. I’m not sure it it’s from being deaf or just being a bit of a knob |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm more than happy to lose a debate with someone, and often cede. But if there's an important moral point or they've accused me of something I didn't do then I will stand firm |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think I’m compassionate, sometimes to mine own cost. I do try to be careful of other people’s feelings and watch what I say, I do occasionally suffer with foot in mouth disease but nothing is said with any malice x "
I think we all will upset another at times, how can we not, we’re all so different! But it’s what you do next and how you treat people I think is telling. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The word compassion means literally 'suffering with'
Sometimes it just means sitting silently with someone and holding their hand."
That’s a very good point to be reminded of. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering.
I dont think everyone would describe themselevs as compassionate. I think a lot on this site are quite hard faced xx
Yes, I referenced that.
But thanks, you’ve allowed me to clarify I’m not specifically meaning on Fab.
I dont know what the answer is but not everybody is kind and many spend chasing after false gods e.g. money, power etc "
The question is to you, about you - how do you behave? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Having huge feet which end up in my mouth frequently I do upset people habitually but it’s never malicious- more speaking before thinking. Jumbling up my words. Not speaking with clarity and more so over text. If I do upset someone I always ensure they know that that wasn’t my intention. I try and clear the muddy waters I create. I never get into intellectual debates for this reason. I speak with my heart not necessarily my brain. What I say isn’t always what I mean if you know what I mean?
Yes, I understand. And I think the having compassion is the seeking out to explain. X
I meant to reference that but got carried away. Case in point. I care very much about others feelings and it bothers me that sometimes I struggle to be clear. I’m not sure it it’s from being deaf or just being a bit of a knob"
You are perfect my lovely, and I’ve always known you to be very caring. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The word compassion means literally 'suffering with'
Sometimes it just means sitting silently with someone and holding their hand."
Thanks for this so true |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm more than happy to lose a debate with someone, and often cede. But if there's an important moral point or they've accused me of something I didn't do then I will stand firm "
Yes, I think you and I have disagreed before on the nuance of accountability for someone’s upset if it wasn’t your intent. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I like being right. Love it in all honesty. But even if I don't particularly care for the person, if I've upset someone (or think I have) I still feel a pang of guilt and worry and will try and check in with the other person.
I can't always relate to others feelings but I'm learning to - I err on the side of caution now when it comes to upsetting people, even if it means not gloating (which I do love!). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think I am. Others may not.
I know I make a wank manager as I'm too sensitive to the needs and wants of others and would rather put myself out and sacrifice my own wellbeing than put staff in a position that would screw up their plans, 'cause I know how shit it is.
I'm also aware some staff used to use this as a crow bar to take advantage at times. Hence I took a step down in my role at work.
The crow barring technique doesn't work on here, it just makes me think people are pushy and manipulative. I never have to see them so have no issues in telling people no, for whatever the reason.
When it comes to here, I merely try to put things as straightforward as possible as I don't like to offend (unless the person is a proper cunt)
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think I am. Others may not.
I know I make a wank manager as I'm too sensitive to the needs and wants of others and would rather put myself out and sacrifice my own wellbeing than put staff in a position that would screw up their plans, 'cause I know how shit it is.
I'm also aware some staff used to use this as a crow bar to take advantage at times. Hence I took a step down in my role at work.
The crow barring technique doesn't work on here, it just makes me think people are pushy and manipulative. I never have to see them so have no issues in telling people no, for whatever the reason.
When it comes to here, I merely try to put things as straightforward as possible as I don't like to offend (unless the person is a proper cunt)
"
I'm meaning if someone is using the "but my XYZ is ill" kinda thing
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I like being right. Love it in all honesty. But even if I don't particularly care for the person, if I've upset someone (or think I have) I still feel a pang of guilt and worry and will try and check in with the other person.
I can't always relate to others feelings but I'm learning to - I err on the side of caution now when it comes to upsetting people, even if it means not gloating (which I do love!)."
 you are very willing to discuss, disagree too but always respect a difference and appreciate the other's point of view and feeling - you give someone the trust that they are doing the best they can to explain themselves and in that you show much compassion. Love you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think I am. Others may not.
I know I make a wank manager as I'm too sensitive to the needs and wants of others and would rather put myself out and sacrifice my own wellbeing than put staff in a position that would screw up their plans, 'cause I know how shit it is.
I'm also aware some staff used to use this as a crow bar to take advantage at times. Hence I took a step down in my role at work.
The crow barring technique doesn't work on here, it just makes me think people are pushy and manipulative. I never have to see them so have no issues in telling people no, for whatever the reason.
When it comes to here, I merely try to put things as straightforward as possible as I don't like to offend (unless the person is a proper cunt)
I'm meaning if someone is using the "but my XYZ is ill" kinda thing
"
I think you show a lot of care and I respect your boundary setting too, as I know you do it with the ability to adapt if you have new or differing information. Some people can be too rigid, and some too chaotic.
I hope your place is feeling reclaimed since your lodger has gone.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think I am. Others may not.
I know I make a wank manager as I'm too sensitive to the needs and wants of others and would rather put myself out and sacrifice my own wellbeing than put staff in a position that would screw up their plans, 'cause I know how shit it is.
I'm also aware some staff used to use this as a crow bar to take advantage at times. Hence I took a step down in my role at work.
The crow barring technique doesn't work on here, it just makes me think people are pushy and manipulative. I never have to see them so have no issues in telling people no, for whatever the reason.
When it comes to here, I merely try to put things as straightforward as possible as I don't like to offend (unless the person is a proper cunt)
I'm meaning if someone is using the "but my XYZ is ill" kinda thing
I think you show a lot of care and I respect your boundary setting too, as I know you do it with the ability to adapt if you have new or differing information. Some people can be too rigid, and some too chaotic.
I hope your place is feeling reclaimed since your lodger has gone. "
I'm in my comfies, lights low, candles on, snuggling the pooch. My kitchen and bathroom have been clean for almost a week now. I didn't realise just how much of a negative cloud her presence brought.
I think the fact I let her have 2 fucking months to find somewhere and move out shows I have compassion, I still bloody felt guilty when she went! Well, a mix of guilt and "fuck you, you earned it"  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think I am. Others may not.
I know I make a wank manager as I'm too sensitive to the needs and wants of others and would rather put myself out and sacrifice my own wellbeing than put staff in a position that would screw up their plans, 'cause I know how shit it is.
I'm also aware some staff used to use this as a crow bar to take advantage at times. Hence I took a step down in my role at work.
The crow barring technique doesn't work on here, it just makes me think people are pushy and manipulative. I never have to see them so have no issues in telling people no, for whatever the reason.
When it comes to here, I merely try to put things as straightforward as possible as I don't like to offend (unless the person is a proper cunt)
I'm meaning if someone is using the "but my XYZ is ill" kinda thing
I think you show a lot of care and I respect your boundary setting too, as I know you do it with the ability to adapt if you have new or differing information. Some people can be too rigid, and some too chaotic.
I hope your place is feeling reclaimed since your lodger has gone.
I'm in my comfies, lights low, candles on, snuggling the pooch. My kitchen and bathroom have been clean for almost a week now. I didn't realise just how much of a negative cloud her presence brought.
I think the fact I let her have 2 fucking months to find somewhere and move out shows I have compassion, I still bloody felt guilty when she went! Well, a mix of guilt and "fuck you, you earned it" "
so glad to read this! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *zamiWoman
over a year ago
LONDON |
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering.
I dont think everyone would describe themselevs as compassionate. I think a lot on this site are quite hard faced xx
Yes, I referenced that.
But thanks, you’ve allowed me to clarify I’m not specifically meaning on Fab.
I dont know what the answer is but not everybody is kind and many spend chasing after false gods e.g. money, power etc
The question is to you, about you - how do you behave?"
I try to be kind and practice generousity. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering. "
I think I am compassionate when required. I'm quite intuitive to people's feelings and would go out of my way to explain myself if I had unwillingly upset someone.
There are however some people who I don't feel deserve it because of their negativity or they are "looking for a fight" and purposefully set out to be offended. They're not the kind of people I gel with and their opinion of me feels somewhat irrelevant. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering.
I think I am compassionate when required. I'm quite intuitive to people's feelings and would go out of my way to explain myself if I had unwillingly upset someone.
There are however some people who I don't feel deserve it because of their negativity or they are "looking for a fight" and purposefully set out to be offended. They're not the kind of people I gel with and their opinion of me feels somewhat irrelevant. "
That last point is a good one. Yes.
In some circumstances I think I still wonder a little though at whether there’s a middle point overlap in the dynamic and how the other side of that feels. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering. "
Overall, I think I'm really good at relating to people
That relation does have its limits though
For example, I can't bring myself to pander to drama or people who can't get over things
I also have an issue with those that let their own bitterness have a detrimental affect on others
I am a great practical support as opposed to emotional support as I am very much a 'get a fkin grip now' kinda guy
On the other questions
I don't need to win
I'm happy to be proven wrong
I'm happy to back down even if I know the other person is wrong
Sometimes it bothers me that my actions have upset someone
Other days, I couldn't give a shiny shite
I'm just an enigma  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm more than happy to lose a debate with someone, and often cede. But if there's an important moral point or they've accused me of something I didn't do then I will stand firm
Yes, I think you and I have disagreed before on the nuance of accountability for someone’s upset if it wasn’t your intent. "
We've had our moments. But I think we're ok aren't we? I'm only human and sometimes I react badly to things and sometimes I'm wrong. But I'm good at offering olive branches. And I guess this is one |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering.
I think I am compassionate when required. I'm quite intuitive to people's feelings and would go out of my way to explain myself if I had unwillingly upset someone.
There are however some people who I don't feel deserve it because of their negativity or they are "looking for a fight" and purposefully set out to be offended. They're not the kind of people I gel with and their opinion of me feels somewhat irrelevant.
That last point is a good one. Yes.
In some circumstances I think I still wonder a little though at whether there’s a middle point overlap in the dynamic and how the other side of that feels."
I think it comes from past experience. I have a girl in my social circle I just don't get on with, everything I say she takes the wrong way and she just won't listen to my explanations. After years of frustration in trying to be understood I realised that sometimes it's just not worth it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people, but how do you demonstrate it in the small things? Does it bother you if you might upset others even if you might deem them over sensitive or wrong? Do you have to win, prove you’re right? How able are you at relating to others’ feelings or do you not notice if you’ve impacted them negatively?
Pondering. "
I don't like to upset people. If I do, even unintentionally, I usually end up feeling shit about it.
However, if someone is trying to goad me, or has insulted me in some way and I react negatively, then I generally don't feel guilty about how I reacted. Probably just annoyed that they succeeded in annoying me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m not very ambitious and since I am less involved in Sport personally my need to win has diminished, except for Scrabble.
I suffer with advanced empathy or a mild form of clairsentience. So as I can feel to a certain extent the feelings of others I am compassionate. But I can be ruthless at the same time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think we’d (mostly) call ourselves compassionate people "
Aside from the fact that half the population would be below the median level of compassion. Women are, on average, 56% more compassionate than men. Given that women are about half the population, most men would do well not to describe themselves as compassionate. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I like to think of myself as a compassionate person and often put the needs of others before my own and will stand up for them on occasion too.
I don't suffer fools gladly though and will argue my corner when faced with them without an ounce of guilt if I feel strongly enough about something. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
