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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sue, " what a lovely bunch of flowers you have there Mary"!
Mary " yes my boyfriend just sent them to me, that means I shall have to spend this weekend on my back with my legs in the air"!!
Sue, " why? Have you not got a vase"? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughter asked me out of the blue. "Dad, why is it that when a cat does a poo it comes out in long tubes but when a sheep does a poo it comes out in small pellets and when a cow does a poo it comes out in flat, wet pats"
I thought for a moment and replied, "I honestly don't know"
She looked at me, frowned and said "mum's right, you really don't know shit" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I bought a TV off ebay for just £1
The listing said that it worked perfectly except that the volume was stuck on full.
I thought to myself "I can't turn that down" |
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By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"How do you get a fat bloke into bed?
Piece of cake....
And for balance;
How do you get a fat girl into bed?
Piece of cake.....
A gender interchangeable funny.  "
Is that a case of having ones cake and eating it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bloke says to his wife “ darling I have a problem@ she says “ sweetheart we have been married 20 years so it’s WE have a problem”. He again says “ no scrumptious I have a problem” again to reassure him she holds his hands looks him in the eyes and repeats “Darling it’s We it’s always us together We are one what’s wrong?”
He replies “we’ve got your sister pregnant”  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I was walking through the graveyard this morning and I saw a guy squatting down behind one of the gravestones with a pained expression on his face.
As I walked past I said "Morning".
To which he replied "No. Just having a shit". |
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