FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Does calling yourself Dom exclude by definition
Does calling yourself Dom exclude by definition
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just a general observation, and I know Dom sub relationships are very popular. But is it not the case that anybody including Dom in their username always looks and comes across the complete opposite?
Presumably the real ones just get on with whatever it is they do?
Or maybe just an incorrect observation from all of those that have umwantingly contacted us. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmm I dont know the answer, but would the same go for those who have sub in their username as well? "
Good point, and I'm not sure, doesn't seem the same, but that might just be personal bias against self acclamation as, opposed to self subjugation. One irritates and one is just a pointer. |
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By *ymaleMan
over a year ago
nr Bradford |
"Anyone with dom or mr grey in there username i give a wide berth to..
Dim doms usually"
I suspect they don't understand which is the most important organ to use if they want to be a true dom, although reading shit porn novels and buying a whip is bound to make up for that, isn't it?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On the flip side, having Dom/Domme/sub in your name tells people what you are into. Although linking yourself to 50 shades of grey shows you know nothing about bdsm |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"On the flip side, having Dom/Domme/sub in your name tells people what you are into. Although linking yourself to 50 shades of grey shows you know nothing about bdsm"
About sums up my thoughts - in some ways it's useful for the purposes of identifying to others on an internet site who you are/what you are into - the flipside though is it is now all too often used by those who know nothing about BDSM.
Certainly though the sign of the right type of Dom/me is in the way they are and act not what they call themselves. |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
Anybody appointing a label to themselves I tend to steer away from.
Doms, subs, BBW, BBC, Milf, cougar, Queens of Spades, yaddah yaddah yaddah....
If these people truly are what they label themselves it wouldn't be necessary to wear a label.
And as for the Mr Greys of the dippy-doms... Just  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the flip side, having Dom/Domme/sub in your name tells people what you are into. Although linking yourself to 50 shades of grey shows you know nothing about bdsm"
But you do have poor taste in books/films |
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I think within BDSM theres a certain amount of superiority, an implication that if you don't do things a certain way, call yourself a certain thing or immediately know and understand everything about it you're not doing it properly.
I think if a person appeals it's best to find out by talking to them if they are on your particular wavelength |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the flip side, having Dom/Domme/sub in your name tells people what you are into. Although linking yourself to 50 shades of grey shows you know nothing about bdsm
About sums up my thoughts - in some ways it's useful for the purposes of identifying to others on an internet site who you are/what you are into - the flipside though is it is now all too often used by those who know nothing about BDSM.
Certainly though the sign of the right type of Dom/me is in the way they are and act not what they call themselves."
Exactly this. Many think it’s all about actions but the mind plays a huge part of this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Genuine BDSM people are born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM. If they need any kind of teaching they aren't true BDSM-ers and they should be hounded out of town. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Genuine BDSM people are born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM. If they need any kind of teaching they aren't true BDSM-ers and they should be hounded out of town."
 |
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"Genuine BDSM people are born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM. If they need any kind of teaching they aren't true BDSM-ers and they should be hounded out of town.
Yep! "
There are some genuine, nice people too. Lots are actually interested in mentoring. The attitude you describe is why I usually recommend books. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Genuine BDSM people are born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM. If they need any kind of teaching they aren't true BDSM-ers and they should be hounded out of town.
Yep!
There are some genuine, nice people too. Lots are actually interested in mentoring. The attitude you describe is why I usually recommend books. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone with dom or mr grey in there username i give a wide berth to..
Dim doms usually
I suspect they don't understand which is the most important organ to use if they want to be a true dom, although reading shit porn novels and buying a whip is bound to make up for that, isn't it?!"
Bit of a sweeping presumption though isnt it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Genuine BDSM people are born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM. If they need any kind of teaching they aren't true BDSM-ers and they should be hounded out of town."
Hehehehe  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone with dom or mr grey in there username i give a wide berth to..
Dim doms usually
I suspect they don't understand which is the most important organ to use if they want to be a true dom, although reading shit porn novels and buying a whip is bound to make up for that, isn't it?!"
Absolutely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anybody appointing a label to themselves I tend to steer away from.
Doms, subs, BBW, BBC, Milf, cougar, Queens of Spades, yaddah yaddah yaddah....
If these people truly are what they label themselves it wouldn't be necessary to wear a label.
And as for the Mr Greys of the dippy-doms... Just "
I dont like labels. They just attract the sort of people they deserve by using it. If that makes any sense   |
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"Anyone with dom or mr grey in there username i give a wide berth to..
Dim doms usually
Yes, instant block for us any of those derivatives. "
Add to that ppl with Master, Sir or Dr (unless there are a real Dr.... apart from Dr Fox ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone with dom or mr grey in there username i give a wide berth to..
Dim doms usually
Yes, instant block for us any of those derivatives.
Add to that ppl with Master, Sir or Dr (unless there are a real Dr.... apart from Dr Fox )"
Some send a first message saying things like and you’ll call me Sir from now on. Like f**k will i ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anybody appointing a label to themselves I tend to steer away from.
Doms, subs, BBW, BBC, Milf, cougar, Queens of Spades, yaddah yaddah yaddah....
If these people truly are what they label themselves it wouldn't be necessary to wear a label.
And as for the Mr Greys of the dippy-doms... Just "
Totally agree with this post ... 100% (can I pop Princess on the list? ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find people's choice of username a real decider on whether I want to talk to them.
If it's too crude it's a no and if it's too specific it's a no. I'm looking for someone flexible and adaptive I can explore with so if they are here looking for meets to be a certain way or involve specific acts then they are not for me.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Genuine BDSM people are born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM. If they need any kind of teaching they aren't true BDSM-ers and they should be hounded out of town."
For once in my life I'm going to agree with you - mark this date in your diary
The thing is there is no such thing as "genuine" BDSM because each BDSM relationship is unique to the people involved in it and so long as all are agreed to it's dynamic and it follows the safe, sane and consensual mantra (with a good dose of informed thrown in) who's to question how "genuine" it is.
The trouble is however that there ARE a lot of people, on both sides of the Dominant/submissive coin who don't take the time to step back and inform themselves by reading, by looking for mentors or even simply getting along to a munch and who DO think "those" books and what they see in porn are all that is needed as a guideline who fail on any one of those key elements I mentioned - and that's where it gets onto dangerous ground. |
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"I find people's choice of username a real decider on whether I want to talk to them.
If it's too crude it's a no and if it's too specific it's a no. I'm looking for someone flexible and adaptive I can explore with so if they are here looking for meets to be a certain way or involve specific acts then they are not for me.
"
Agree with this completely!
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Genuine BDSM people are born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM. If they need any kind of teaching they aren't true BDSM-ers and they should be hounded out of town.
For once in my life I'm going to agree with you - mark this date in your diary
The thing is there is no such thing as "genuine" BDSM because each BDSM relationship is unique to the people involved in it and so long as all are agreed to it's dynamic and it follows the safe, sane and consensual mantra (with a good dose of informed thrown in) who's to question how "genuine" it is.
The trouble is however that there ARE a lot of people, on both sides of the Dominant/submissive coin who don't take the time to step back and inform themselves by reading, by looking for mentors or even simply getting along to a munch and who DO think "those" books and what they see in porn are all that is needed as a guideline who fail on any one of those key elements I mentioned - and that's where it gets onto dangerous ground."
I agree with you too. 
Actually I've agreed with you other times before. shhhh.  |
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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago
swingers clubs |
We're not interested in any form of dom or sub aspect to our play so yes, we avoid those who do as we therefore don't match. If they have that in their username it must be particularly important to them.
There's also that, in our experience, most who state they're dom just want to abuse some young girl and have no idea what being a dom actually entails. |
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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago
bristol |
I class myself as a Dom, but then in retrospect i have done almost 20 years on the bdsm scene.
I am quite open about my bdsm traits on my profile purely because for me it is quite significant but i dont go in depth with it.
However on the flip side there is an unsettling trend of individual who claim to be Dom but are just arseholes playing a game they dont understand, this topic comes up on other bdsm based sites but those who are into kink can spot them a mile off.
Does classing myself as Dom exclude me? I hope not because i have at least put the time in to learn about impact play, rope work, brat taming ect ect. I have put the time in to understand the physiological aspects and the psychological too. The importance of conversation, checking in and aftercare.
But most importantly trust so people can make of that what they want but without trust, honesty and communication it all falls apart |
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"I class myself as a Dom, but then in retrospect i have done almost 20 years on the bdsm scene.
I am quite open about my bdsm traits on my profile purely because for me it is quite significant but i dont go in depth with it.
However on the flip side there is an unsettling trend of individual who claim to be Dom but are just arseholes playing a game they dont understand, this topic comes up on other bdsm based sites but those who are into kink can spot them a mile off.
Does classing myself as Dom exclude me? I hope not because i have at least put the time in to learn about impact play, rope work, brat taming ect ect. I have put the time in to understand the physiological aspects and the psychological too. The importance of conversation, checking in and aftercare.
But most importantly trust so people can make of that what they want but without trust, honesty and communication it all falls apart "
From your username and profile, plus your response, I would hazard a guess that you are a real Dom. You come across as understanding the complex nature of being one, not just as some guy who wants to beat the crap out of some poor girl.
Mrs |
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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago
bristol |
"I class myself as a Dom, but then in retrospect i have done almost 20 years on the bdsm scene.
I am quite open about my bdsm traits on my profile purely because for me it is quite significant but i dont go in depth with it.
However on the flip side there is an unsettling trend of individual who claim to be Dom but are just arseholes playing a game they dont understand, this topic comes up on other bdsm based sites but those who are into kink can spot them a mile off.
Does classing myself as Dom exclude me? I hope not because i have at least put the time in to learn about impact play, rope work, brat taming ect ect. I have put the time in to understand the physiological aspects and the psychological too. The importance of conversation, checking in and aftercare.
But most importantly trust so people can make of that what they want but without trust, honesty and communication it all falls apart
From your username and profile, plus your response, I would hazard a guess that you are a real Dom. You come across as understanding the complex nature of being one, not just as some guy who wants to beat the crap out of some poor girl.
Mrs"
It is a very complex thing to get into.. So much needs to be learnt before even considering touching someone.. Take impact play, areas where you can go full swing, others not so hard and other areas which are a no go area... Reading the sub, reading the scene, being fluid and adapting to what can be a very fluxating play session and handling it all calmly and resposibly.
On another site i did a huge write up about keeping one foot always grounded during play because as said a simple session can evolve so fast you need to stay a few steps ahead of it all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just a general observation, and I know Dom sub relationships are very popular. But is it not the case that anybody including Dom in their username always looks and comes across the complete opposite?
Presumably the real ones just get on with whatever it is they do?
Or maybe just an incorrect observation from all of those that have umwantingly contacted us. "
Always looks and comes across the complete opposite?
What? from meets? Can you judge a book by it's cover? Have you met these people, most I meet act nothing like they look! |
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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago
bristol |
"I call them zod Dom's. "KNEEL BEFORE ZOD". Barking orders and saying youre a dom doesn't make you a Dom... A title is earned in d/s, not assumed. "
Exactly, a good Dom doesnt need to bark orders because they have earned the respect of the sub first.
Saying i do like "a true Dom doesnt need rope to restrain, but it does add to the fun"
In short - if he or she has spent time earning the respect and trust of their sub a simple finger gesture can hold more power than a spoken word and that is before going deeper down the rabbit hole towards TPE or CNC |
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I use the term Dominant the same way I use the words, straight, tall, clean shaven, etc.
It's helpful to quickly signal traits and characteristics to other users.
The majority of women would probably not be interested in the games I play, and it saves wasting both their time and mine.
Anyone for Cluedo? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just a general observation, and I know Dom sub relationships are very popular. But is it not the case that anybody including Dom in their username always looks and comes across the complete opposite?
Presumably the real ones just get on with whatever it is they do?
Or maybe just an incorrect observation from all of those that have umwantingly contacted us.
Always looks and comes across the complete opposite?
What? from meets? Can you judge a book by it's cover? Have you met these people, most I meet act nothing like they look!"
Yes I can judge a book by its cover, and not from meets it has no interest to me at all.
But when we get a message from supoerdomking1234, and it's a skinny 5'8"22 year old with no verifications telling us how Dom he is it tends to have me in hysterics, so yes I will judge that book by its cover every day.
Same as if we get a message from massivedong5678 and he's sporting a 2" micro penis Ill judge that book the same.
A guy with a big dick, or a guy who's a real Dom doesn't have to advertise the fact. It should be obvious from pics and the time of the profile.
If they can't get it across there then they are either lazy or poor communicators. |
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