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By *rickyd72 OP Man
over a year ago
Sheffield |
I'm not posting this because I want sympathy or a "there there" pat on the head but I need to get something off my chest. Day 2 of my leave from work and I've had a fairly chilled day, I've tidied the house, sorted the washing out and put a roast dinner on for when my wife got home. She's walked in and immediately started on me because I hadn't cleaned the cat litter trays. This is a theme by the way, she always picks on something when she walks in. I said to her that it's like she picks on something that I've missed deliberately and she replied "well you always do". I've gone through 2 years of her going through the menopause and thought we'd got through it but it's,like it's started all over again. She's on HRT but it's not working. I'm sick of walking on eggshells all of the time. I'm at my wits end. I'm getting sick of being a verbal punchbag for her foul mood. The roast dinner is now going cold in the oven as she has stomped off upstairs and I'm busy pouring beer down my throat. Before you ask, I've tried talking to her, but it's like setting a firework off... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok so firstly , menopause is EVIL . It affects a womans mind body personality attitude. It can cause lack of libido.
It took me years to get used to the change . It really is uncontrollable. The more stressed you are the more the night sweats are and hot flashes.honestly i dont know her but ,know that shes doing good just getting up and going to work without wanting to kill everyone.
Id suggest you read uo on menopause symptoms.
I can say this enough
Its evil , i hope you can work through this because in time the woman you love will come back to you. Its not her fault her attitude stinks it really isnt.
Unless your going through it you cant begin to know how it affects us.
Feel free to private message me ,maybe i can help how you see things . Dont give up on your love for each other x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry to hear your pain OP.
The only thing I can suggest is to keep out of her way for the first half hour...
Go for a brisk walk- in Sheffield you'll have no shortage of hills.
You can't pour the beer down yourself, it'll only do yourself some damage.
Failing all that, give me a bell and we could chew the fat over a beer. I'm not too far away. |
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A tough situation.
It's almost impossible to talk to someone who gets aggressive when you try to open up communication.
I know that for some women menopause can cause big problems but it isn't fair to you.
From your description your wife is displaying the same behaviour my mother used to when she was depressed. That cast a long shadow over my childhood and my parents marriage because she wouldn't seek help. Is there ANY way you can get her to get more help?
Good luck to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is her behaviour linked to her medical condition or the medication she takes? "
No the medication controls the night sweats and helps protect the womb lining etc.
Sorry but you cant comment on menopause if youve not gone through it.
Its EVIL |
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 I know what your going through I was going through the same but my ex didn't read up on it I changed and he couldn't see.. I hated myself I wish I could of gone into a cave and stayed there till it had all passed me by.... unfortunately I didn't and left and now in alone and he's got a new family if your mind loosing everything leave otherwise just be there for her  |
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"Is her behaviour linked to her medical condition or the medication she takes?
No the medication controls the night sweats and helps protect the womb lining etc.
Sorry but you cant comment on menopause if youve not gone through it.
Its EVIL "
I've been through it and didn't experience any of the symptoms described here. For me it wasn't evil. I also don't think its wise to attribute these symptoms to menopause without a diagnosis. In my opinion the lady needs to see a doctor for her own and her partners sake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is her behaviour linked to her medical condition or the medication she takes?
No the medication controls the night sweats and helps protect the womb lining etc.
Sorry but you cant comment on menopause if youve not gone through it.
Its EVIL
I've been through it and didn't experience any of the symptoms described here. For me it wasn't evil. I also don't think its wise to attribute these symptoms to menopause without a diagnosis. In my opinion the lady needs to see a doctor for her own and her partners sake."
Op states she has been diagnosed with menopause. And if you google menopause sympoms everything ive said is a part of menopause |
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"Is her behaviour linked to her medical condition or the medication she takes?
No the medication controls the night sweats and helps protect the womb lining etc.
Sorry but you cant comment on menopause if youve not gone through it.
Its EVIL
I've been through it and didn't experience any of the symptoms described here. For me it wasn't evil. I also don't think its wise to attribute these symptoms to menopause without a diagnosis. In my opinion the lady needs to see a doctor for her own and her partners sake.
Op states she has been diagnosed with menopause. And if you google menopause sympoms everything ive said is a part of menopause"
Two years ago. Her symptoms are also symptoms of depression in some people.
I don't think its a good idea for either of us to attribute her symptoms definitely to one thing or another as neither of us know the lady.
What a shame if the situation continued when there's a possibility it could be resolved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is her behaviour linked to her medical condition or the medication she takes?
No the medication controls the night sweats and helps protect the womb lining etc.
Sorry but you cant comment on menopause if youve not gone through it.
Its EVIL
I've been through it and didn't experience any of the symptoms described here. For me it wasn't evil. I also don't think its wise to attribute these symptoms to menopause without a diagnosis. In my opinion the lady needs to see a doctor for her own and her partners sake.
Op states she has been diagnosed with menopause. And if you google menopause sympoms everything ive said is a part of menopause
Two years ago. Her symptoms are also symptoms of depression in some people.
I don't think its a good idea for either of us to attribute her symptoms definitely to one thing or another as neither of us know the lady.
What a shame if the situation continued when there's a possibility it could be resolved."
Oh for sure .
Depression is and can play a vert big part in menopausal symptoms that shouldng be ruled out your rite.
But op can you approach your wife re this matter? Some do get very defensive , i know i did untill i learnt about meno fully  |
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"I'm not posting this because I want sympathy or a "there there" pat on the head but I need to get something off my chest. Day 2 of my leave from work and I've had a fairly chilled day, I've tidied the house, sorted the washing out and put a roast dinner on for when my wife got home. She's walked in and immediately started on me because I hadn't cleaned the cat litter trays. This is a theme by the way, she always picks on something when she walks in. I said to her that it's like she picks on something that I've missed deliberately and she replied "well you always do". I've gone through 2 years of her going through the menopause and thought we'd got through it but it's,like it's started all over again. She's on HRT but it's not working. I'm sick of walking on eggshells all of the time. I'm at my wits end. I'm getting sick of being a verbal punchbag for her foul mood. The roast dinner is now going cold in the oven as she has stomped off upstairs and I'm busy pouring beer down my throat. Before you ask, I've tried talking to her, but it's like setting a firework off..."
If you can't talk could you try writing your feelings down in a letter?
Maybe suggests she writes you one back?
Regardless of the reasons for her behaviour she's obviously not happy either.
I really feel for you both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why doesn’t she clean the litter trays?
I went this something similar (with my ex wife) she would throw fits Ovet a pair of pants in the bathroom, while conveniently being unable to see the pile (big fuck off PILE!!) of clothes beside the bed.
People like to see faults in others. It’s not right but it happens |
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By *rickyd72 OP Man
over a year ago
Sheffield |
I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im glad some other men have been through this too. I hope op can gain some insight into meno. Best wishes op. All i can really sugest is read up on it as much as you can and then some more. I hate to see relationships break down for whatever reason |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me."
Thats so sad my husband felt the same ,his heart would break for me to hold him and show affection towards him. My libido got up and went!
Coming on here has brought us back together again.
Just having someone to talk to
And who understand helps so much.
We all need to feel loved and wanted by someone
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me."
Sounds like she is probably feeling pretty crappy and unhapy herself. All I can suggest is back to the docs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me."
I was kinda feeling abit bad for you. But if you find comfort with a stranger to cuddle with then surely there is no point even feeling down about this? I'm not a master on marriage. talk talk talk  |
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"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me."
You have to approach her, fireworks or not. I would suggest making an appointment with relate, you need someone rational in the room to act as a buffer sometimes - just make the appointment and drag her along!
And I had no discernable symptoms with the menopause either, just increased libido if anything! |
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By *rickyd72 OP Man
over a year ago
Sheffield |
"Im glad some other men have been through this too. I hope op can gain some insight into meno. Best wishes op. All i can really sugest is read up on it as much as you can and then some more. I hate to see relationships break down for whatever reason "
read up on it? I'm a healthcare professional and I can't get my head round it. I've researched everything I can. Just when I think I've got it, the dynamic changes... |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Is her behaviour linked to her medical condition or the medication she takes?
No the medication controls the night sweats and helps protect the womb lining etc.
Sorry but you cant comment on menopause if youve not gone through it.
Its EVIL
I've been through it and didn't experience any of the symptoms described here. For me it wasn't evil. I also don't think its wise to attribute these symptoms to menopause without a diagnosis. In my opinion the lady needs to see a doctor for her own and her partners sake."
They are symptoms of the menopause though and as much as you may not have had them, other women do. |
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By *rickyd72 OP Man
over a year ago
Sheffield |
"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me.
Thats so sad my husband felt the same ,his heart would break for me to hold him and show affection towards him. My libido got up and went!
Coming on here has brought us back together again.
Just having someone to talk to
And who understand helps so much.
We all need to feel loved and wanted by someone
"
thank you. I feel better for your comment. I don't feel quite so alone now... |
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"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me."
Well if you can't approach her you're really at an impasse. You can attend relationship counselling alone if you think it would help.
Of course there is one option that hasn't been mentioned. You could end your relationship. |
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"Is her behaviour linked to her medical condition or the medication she takes?
No the medication controls the night sweats and helps protect the womb lining etc.
Sorry but you cant comment on menopause if youve not gone through it.
Its EVIL
I've been through it and didn't experience any of the symptoms described here. For me it wasn't evil. I also don't think its wise to attribute these symptoms to menopause without a diagnosis. In my opinion the lady needs to see a doctor for her own and her partners sake.
They are symptoms of the menopause though and as much as you may not have had them, other women do."
Yes I understand that but they're also symptoms of depression. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being menopausal is a bitch "
Yep.
From the male point of view it takes a lot of patience and a certain amount of sympathy for an indefinite period.
Keep calm, carry on, don't dwell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im glad some other men have been through this too. I hope op can gain some insight into meno. Best wishes op. All i can really sugest is read up on it as much as you can and then some more. I hate to see relationships break down for whatever reason read up on it? I'm a healthcare professional and I can't get my head round it. I've researched everything I can. Just when I think I've got it, the dynamic changes..."
Op im not bieng judgemental . I do not intend to offend you or anyone.
Menopause is evil , its like living with 2 different women , I get it. I said read up on it" not in a nasty bossy way" as you hadnt said youd read up on it i suggested it as a way to understand .. Bieng a health care proffesional could mean you draw blood or your a dentist ? Im sorry if ive offended you . Its not my intention |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off.
"
Can you speak to her when she is chilled out? On a day out somewhere maybe ?Ask her if she thinks it could be the menopause making her grumpy and is there anything you can do to help or is it something else or you that is making her seem unhappy.
Communication is the key but it isn't worth doing it when she is grumpy already |
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By *rickyd72 OP Man
over a year ago
Sheffield |
"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me.
Well if you can't approach her you're really at an impasse. You can attend relationship counselling alone if you think it would help.
Of course there is one option that hasn't been mentioned. You could end your relationship."
I've thought about it many times. Financially, it couldn't happen. |
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So you say you still love her , despite the fact that she treats you so badly .
Her Crohn’s disease and the menopause turn her into this monster , but you still love her .
You have to seek cuddles and comfort elsewhere as she isn’t interested in giving any if this to you . But you still love her .
Well fair play mate , you’re a better person than me . I’d be gone , walked out the door long ago . Infact the minute she said she didn’t want to share any intimacy or love with me any more , I would have been off .
I know we are only hearing one side of it , but if what you say is the case , then you deserve so much more than you’re getting don’t you ?
I guess yours and my definition of love is very different . |
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"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me.
Well if you can't approach her you're really at an impasse. You can attend relationship counselling alone if you think it would help.
Of course there is one option that hasn't been mentioned. You could end your relationship.I've thought about it many times. Financially, it couldn't happen. "
Yes, I understand. When my mother was displaying similar behaviour my dad would sometimes get desperate (hers was down to depression) he had nowhere to go and nobody to confide in until us kids were adults.
I empathise and sympathise. Protect yourself and be ready to forgive is the best I can advise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me.
Thats so sad my husband felt the same ,his heart would break for me to hold him and show affection towards him. My libido got up and went!
Coming on here has brought us back together again.
Just having someone to talk to
And who understand helps so much.
We all need to feel loved and wanted by someone
thank you. I feel better for your comment. I don't feel quite so alone now..."
Your welcome , its Ok you have to look after yourself too or it will and can drag you under x |
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"I can't approach her, like I said, it's like setting a firework off. She also has Chrons disease. The immunosuppressive medication she takes has killed her libido. She says she has no interest in me sexually. At her behest, I've gone with other people and it's fantastic to find someone who actually wants me and wants to cuddle me.
Well if you can't approach her you're really at an impasse. You can attend relationship counselling alone if you think it would help.
Of course there is one option that hasn't been mentioned. You could end your relationship.I've thought about it many times. Financially, it couldn't happen. "
I assume your wife works. Is it a stressful job? What does she do evening time? Do you have a family? Any joint friends that could mediate? Just putting a few questions out there that might give us a bigger picture of your home life if you care to share it.
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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago
Blyth |
Everything you've posted resonates with me. My wife is currently going through the menopause. If I'm off work and she comes home from work we have exactly the same conflicts. Whatever I've done is never good enough and she goes off on one.
We're now into our third year of this but things have started to get slightly better over the last couple of months or so.
It's tough OP, but if you love her, and I'm sure you do, then stick with her. It may seem like she hates you at times but she's not fully in control of her feelings and emotions right now. She probably hates herself at times and there's nothing she can do about it.
She will come back to you. She neefs you to be strong right now so she knows you'll be there for her when this is over.
If a beer helps you get through just now then have a beer, but don't have too many! Give her a kiss when you go to bed and tell her you love her, same again in the morning. It's going to take time and it's going to be hard but you will get her back. And when you do she'll love you all the more for standing by her through this. Good luck to you both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not posting this because I want sympathy or a "there there" pat on the head but I need to get something off my chest. Day 2 of my leave from work and I've had a fairly chilled day, I've tidied the house, sorted the washing out and put a roast dinner on for when my wife got home. She's walked in and immediately started on me because I hadn't cleaned the cat litter trays. This is a theme by the way, she always picks on something when she walks in. I said to her that it's like she picks on something that I've missed deliberately and she replied "well you always do". I've gone through 2 years of her going through the menopause and thought we'd got through it but it's,like it's started all over again. She's on HRT but it's not working. I'm sick of walking on eggshells all of the time. I'm at my wits end. I'm getting sick of being a verbal punchbag for her foul mood. The roast dinner is now going cold in the oven as she has stomped off upstairs and I'm busy pouring beer down my throat. Before you ask, I've tried talking to her, but it's like setting a firework off..."
I am not one to judge because there is Always two sides to a story and besides I don't judge anyone.
Those little things seem important
I was in a narcissistic relationship
He did fuck all.
Except get pissed day in day out
Call me names
Made my life hell.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everything you've posted resonates with me. My wife is currently going through the menopause. If I'm off work and she comes home from work we have exactly the same conflicts. Whatever I've done is never good enough and she goes off on one.
We're now into our third year of this but things have started to get slightly better over the last couple of months or so.
It's tough OP, but if you love her, and I'm sure you do, then stick with her. It may seem like she hates you at times but she's not fully in control of her feelings and emotions right now. She probably hates herself at times and there's nothing she can do about it.
She will come back to you. She neefs you to be strong right now so she knows you'll be there for her when this is over.
If a beer helps you get through just now then have a beer, but don't have too many! Give her a kiss when you go to bed and tell her you love her, same again in the morning. It's going to take time and it's going to be hard but you will get her back. And when you do she'll love you all the more for standing by her through this. Good luck to you both."
And 1 sign is overwhelming emotions
Im welling up here .
Thankyou for your post for all the women and men going through this . Your a diamond . A shining bright Diamond.
Oh here i go getting soppy |
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I know you say she’s aware you’re on sites like this but is she really happy to know the man she loves is craving attention from other woman and giving those women what you used to give her - compliments, affection etc.
I know if I went off sex (for whatever reason) my husband would almost definitely still crave it and if I thought he’d leave me unless I permitted him to play away I may be tempted to suggest it. However, I know in my heart it would end up making me feel sad, resentful and angry, that anger would probably come out in digs and bickering as I’m unlikely to tell him I’m jealous and blame myself for giving him permission to play away. What I’d really like to happen is for him to cuddle me and reassure me that I am all he wants etc. And I’m sure, when my hormones or medical condition settled down we’d find it easier to rekindle our sex life knowing that we’ve stayed loyal to each other throughout the tough times and I’d always felt loved and wanted.
I hope it all works out for you.
Lou x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP... I am sorry to hear that no matter what you do, its never good enough. The only way anything can try to be resolved is by talking, or writing down how you feel.
Neither of you can continue to go on like this, it's unfair to you both.
The Menopause affects women differently, there's no "one size fits all". Any woman who does not suffer any symptoms is extremely lucky in my opinion.
I've hit the Menopause like a steam train because of Major surgery, and I've gone from a fairly confident, sexual, upbeat, person to someone I don't even recognise. I've also had a family bereavement which has had a huge impact on how I'm feeling too....
So whilst this is not about me, I can sympathise with your wife. For you as well... I'm fortunate though that I talk to my husband, and he's also read about the M word.
It's a horrible horrible thing that women have to go through, and there is no support.
It's just finding out what works for that individual.
I'm waffling now.... Feel free to PM me (if you dare lol)... Seriously though I'm happy to talk...
But you and your wife DO need to talk xx
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Everything you've posted resonates with me. My wife is currently going through the menopause. If I'm off work and she comes home from work we have exactly the same conflicts. Whatever I've done is never good enough and she goes off on one.
We're now into our third year of this but things have started to get slightly better over the last couple of months or so.
It's tough OP, but if you love her, and I'm sure you do, then stick with her. It may seem like she hates you at times but she's not fully in control of her feelings and emotions right now. She probably hates herself at times and there's nothing she can do about it.
She will come back to you. She neefs you to be strong right now so she knows you'll be there for her when this is over.
If a beer helps you get through just now then have a beer, but don't have too many! Give her a kiss when you go to bed and tell her you love her, same again in the morning. It's going to take time and it's going to be hard but you will get her back. And when you do she'll love you all the more for standing by her through this. Good luck to you both."
A man who gets it, great post x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everything you've posted resonates with me. My wife is currently going through the menopause. If I'm off work and she comes home from work we have exactly the same conflicts. Whatever I've done is never good enough and she goes off on one.
We're now into our third year of this but things have started to get slightly better over the last couple of months or so.
It's tough OP, but if you love her, and I'm sure you do, then stick with her. It may seem like she hates you at times but she's not fully in control of her feelings and emotions right now. She probably hates herself at times and there's nothing she can do about it.
She will come back to you. She neefs you to be strong right now so she knows you'll be there for her when this is over.
If a beer helps you get through just now then have a beer, but don't have too many! Give her a kiss when you go to bed and tell her you love her, same again in the morning. It's going to take time and it's going to be hard but you will get her back. And when you do she'll love you all the more for standing by her through this. Good luck to you both.
A man who gets it, great post x"
But I guess it's much easier to speak like this when you're at the back end of it, which I think (hope) is where we are right now. |
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"I know you say she’s aware you’re on sites like this but is she really happy to know the man she loves is craving attention from other woman and giving those women what you used to give her - compliments, affection etc.
I know if I went off sex (for whatever reason) my husband would almost definitely still crave it and if I thought he’d leave me unless I permitted him to play away I may be tempted to suggest it. However, I know in my heart it would end up making me feel sad, resentful and angry, that anger would probably come out in digs and bickering as I’m unlikely to tell him I’m jealous and blame myself for giving him permission to play away. What I’d really like to happen is for him to cuddle me and reassure me that I am all he wants etc. And I’m sure, when my hormones or medical condition settled down we’d find it easier to rekindle our sex life knowing that we’ve stayed loyal to each other throughout the tough times and I’d always felt loved and wanted.
I hope it all works out for you.
Lou x "
Absolutely spot on .
Well said .
This is the reality  |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
The Menopause affects women differently, there's no "one size fits all". Any woman who does not suffer any symptoms is extremely lucky in my opinion.
"
I was one lucky woman who only had a few mild hot flushes and a bit of grumpy stuff, but after seeing friends go through it with awful symptoms I know how hard it is for them and the people they live with I know how lucky I was not to go through it like others do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try just blanking it.. you probably have but it’s the only solution.
Medical conditions and treatment processes do not give an absolute endowment to leave those closest feeling “always in the wrong”.
And I speak as someone who’s mother is terminally ill.
Be as gentle as poss bit maybe worth just confronting what you believe to be the root cause of this behavioural change. Sometimes the other party is unaware, sometimes they are but can’t help it.
Talking is a good start
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being menopausal is a bitch
Yep.
From the male point of view it takes a lot of patience and a certain amount of sympathy for an indefinite period.
Keep calm, carry on, don't dwell. "
Tbh i sailed through it and came out the other side a hell of a lot hornier than when it started |
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Went through the same with my estranged wife, she however was not menopausal, just like it all the time, I could've been at work all day, picked our child up from after-school club, come in got our daughters dinner ready then ours, done two lots of ironing & washing, cleaned the bathroom etc, within 5minutes of her being in it would be " why haven't you done the washing up?" She ground down my confidence, belittled me daily for seven years then upped and left when I'd become a complete doormat, constantly apologising for things I had no control over. I now have very little confidence at all, don't have friends as I wasn't "allowed" them, and I'm prevented from seeing my daughter, oh yeah lost my job over all the stress and mental upset too......so all in all pretty crap tbh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The most important thing is to not lose yourself while trying to fix other people! Yes she is your wife and you want to help but ultimately she is an adult, responsible for her own health and wellbeing as you are responsible for yours. If you are miserable in the relationship then you may as well be miserable alone, at least it will be quiet.
Sometimes you have to step away to make the other face up to how their behaviour is affecting the whole dynamic and assess whether it's worth fighting for or letting go.
Wishing you the very best of luck, it's a horrible situation to deal with, you feel like the bad guy whichever way you jump x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Went through the same with my estranged wife, she however was not menopausal, just like it all the time, I could've been at work all day, picked our child up from after-school club, come in got our daughters dinner ready then ours, done two lots of ironing & washing, cleaned the bathroom etc, within 5minutes of her being in it would be " why haven't you done the washing up?" She ground down my confidence, belittled me daily for seven years then upped and left when I'd become a complete doormat, constantly apologising for things I had no control over. I now have very little confidence at all, don't have friends as I wasn't "allowed" them, and I'm prevented from seeing my daughter, oh yeah lost my job over all the stress and mental upset too......so all in all pretty crap tbh "
Sorry to hear all that. Have you got anything in place to help rebuild your confidence/ make friends? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sure it's really difficult for you, but all I am reading is me, me, me.
I think you need to be more sympathetic, the menopause is obviously effecting her very badly.
Your on here as a single guy and I'm guessing without her knowledge. (yes I get you need sex).
Maybe you need to stop drinking, when your not congratulated for doing some chores around the house and do what my husband does and get on with it.
I think your wife really needs some support from a doctor or from her husband. with a meal out, some flowers, or something else you two used to do together.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being menopausal is a bitch
Yep.
From the male point of view it takes a lot of patience and a certain amount of sympathy for an indefinite period.
Keep calm, carry on, don't dwell.
Tbh i sailed through it and came out the other side a hell of a lot hornier than when it started "
So it's a bit like going to the cinema to watch Basic Instinct then? |
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"Went through the same with my estranged wife, she however was not menopausal, just like it all the time, I could've been at work all day, picked our child up from after-school club, come in got our daughters dinner ready then ours, done two lots of ironing & washing, cleaned the bathroom etc, within 5minutes of her being in it would be " why haven't you done the washing up?" She ground down my confidence, belittled me daily for seven years then upped and left when I'd become a complete doormat, constantly apologising for things I had no control over. I now have very little confidence at all, don't have friends as I wasn't "allowed" them, and I'm prevented from seeing my daughter, oh yeah lost my job over all the stress and mental upset too......so all in all pretty crap tbh
Sorry to hear all that. Have you got anything in place to help rebuild your confidence/ make friends? X"
I do see a Counsellor and I'm on long-term medication; what a catch eh?, but apart from that no, feel like I'm in limbo with no idea what I'm doing half the time......I just take it a day at a time...appreciate your concern though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Went through the same with my estranged wife, she however was not menopausal, just like it all the time, I could've been at work all day, picked our child up from after-school club, come in got our daughters dinner ready then ours, done two lots of ironing & washing, cleaned the bathroom etc, within 5minutes of her being in it would be " why haven't you done the washing up?" She ground down my confidence, belittled me daily for seven years then upped and left when I'd become a complete doormat, constantly apologising for things I had no control over. I now have very little confidence at all, don't have friends as I wasn't "allowed" them, and I'm prevented from seeing my daughter, oh yeah lost my job over all the stress and mental upset too......so all in all pretty crap tbh
Sorry to hear all that. Have you got anything in place to help rebuild your confidence/ make friends? X
I do see a Counsellor and I'm on long-term medication; what a catch eh?, but apart from that no, feel like I'm in limbo with no idea what I'm doing half the time......I just take it a day at a time...appreciate your concern though "
Nothing wrong in any of that. Hope you find yourself again though xx |
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"Went through the same with my estranged wife, she however was not menopausal, just like it all the time, I could've been at work all day, picked our child up from after-school club, come in got our daughters dinner ready then ours, done two lots of ironing & washing, cleaned the bathroom etc, within 5minutes of her being in it would be " why haven't you done the washing up?" She ground down my confidence, belittled me daily for seven years then upped and left when I'd become a complete doormat, constantly apologising for things I had no control over. I now have very little confidence at all, don't have friends as I wasn't "allowed" them, and I'm prevented from seeing my daughter, oh yeah lost my job over all the stress and mental upset too......so all in all pretty crap tbh
Sorry to hear all that. Have you got anything in place to help rebuild your confidence/ make friends? X
I do see a Counsellor and I'm on long-term medication; what a catch eh?, but apart from that no, feel like I'm in limbo with no idea what I'm doing half the time......I just take it a day at a time...appreciate your concern though
Nothing wrong in any of that. Hope you find yourself again though xx"
Ta, me too x |
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"Went through the same with my estranged wife, she however was not menopausal, just like it all the time, I could've been at work all day, picked our child up from after-school club, come in got our daughters dinner ready then ours, done two lots of ironing & washing, cleaned the bathroom etc, within 5minutes of her being in it would be " why haven't you done the washing up?" She ground down my confidence, belittled me daily for seven years then upped and left when I'd become a complete doormat, constantly apologising for things I had no control over. I now have very little confidence at all, don't have friends as I wasn't "allowed" them, and I'm prevented from seeing my daughter, oh yeah lost my job over all the stress and mental upset too......so all in all pretty crap tbh
Sorry to hear all that. Have you got anything in place to help rebuild your confidence/ make friends? X
I do see a Counsellor and I'm on long-term medication; what a catch eh?, but apart from that no, feel like I'm in limbo with no idea what I'm doing half the time......I just take it a day at a time...appreciate your concern though "
Check out a book called
"Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity" I have a feeling it might help you. Good luck x |
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