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How do you really know your partner is happy?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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People often say they are happy to keep the peace. For example if their partner asked them to swing, they might do it and pretend to be happy just so their partner doesn't leave them.
How can you really know your partner is truly happy to swing? How would you react if they confessed that they want to stop swinging? |
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I suppose that you don't in some cases. I know Mr N well enough to be sure that if he wasn't happy he'd darn well say.
If he didn't want to continue my reaction would be to say "ok" and get on with life  .
From what I've read on here though I can see how partners wouldn't know the other's true feelings. The number of people who don'tthink communicate really surprises me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We talk about it a lot, he asks to arrange meets and then we both decide together if they are who we’d like to meet. Also we always agree beforehand what our limits are and what we’d like to do. Neither of us would force the other person to do something they don’t want.
As for stopping, that would be no problem if he said he wanted to stop. I’m happy to just be me and him. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People often say they are happy to keep the peace. For example if their partner asked them to swing, they might do it and pretend to be happy just so their partner doesn't leave them.
How can you really know your partner is truly happy to swing? How would you react if they confessed that they want to stop swinging?"
It was his idea. I’m not meeting at the moment due to not being well and we have both admitted we miss it. I miss fucking other guys, he misses me fucking other guys 
I know how much of a turn on it is for him, he doesn’t need to tell me. Although I do (maybe a bit too much) ask if he’s still happy.
If he wanted to stop, I’d stop in a heartbeat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think failure to communicate is rife whether in coupled partnerships or not. People appease their needs, and often are simply oblivious to the fact a conversation is needed. Emotional labour is exhausting, and trying to explain what it is, worse.
Sorry, this was a little off on a tangent. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I suppose that you don't in some cases. I know Mr N well enough to be sure that if he wasn't happy he'd darn well say.
If he didn't want to continue my reaction would be to say "ok" and get on with life .
From what I've read on here though I can see how partners wouldn't know the other's true feelings. The number of people who don'tthink communicate really surprises me."
The lack of communication depresses me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People often say they are happy to keep the peace. For example if their partner asked them to swing, they might do it and pretend to be happy just so their partner doesn't leave them.
How can you really know your partner is truly happy to swing? How would you react if they confessed that they want to stop swinging?
It was his idea. I’m not meeting at the moment due to not being well and we have both admitted we miss it. I miss fucking other guys, he misses me fucking other guys
I know how much of a turn on it is for him, he doesn’t need to tell me. Although I do (maybe a bit too much) ask if he’s still happy.
If he wanted to stop, I’d stop in a heartbeat. "
Actions sometimes speak louder than words. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think failure to communicate is rife whether in coupled partnerships or not. People appease their needs, and often are simply oblivious to the fact a conversation is needed. Emotional labour is exhausting, and trying to explain what it is, worse.
Sorry, this was a little off on a tangent."
I didn't think it was off on a tangent. I agree about sometimes a conversation being needed. |
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Also, I think that sometimes there is no communication because although both parties sense it is needed, both know it will be 'difficult and awkward' and thus it is easier to maintain the status quo... and so it goes on  |
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I think when your inside a marriage/long term partnership you maybe don't realise it's disfunctional. Couples mingle in vanilla life everyone professing to be loved up and ticketyboo, but maybe that's just them projecting what they want others to see. The what goes on behind closed doors saying is very true.
Maybe as people can have anonymity here they open up more about their dissatisfactions, asking others for insight without exposing themselves.
I've been shocked on here, the questions asked and by how others live in relationships, the lack of communication and apparent disinterest in a partners wants needs and wellbeing. |
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"I suppose that you don't in some cases. I know Mr N well enough to be sure that if he wasn't happy he'd darn well say.
If he didn't want to continue my reaction would be to say "ok" and get on with life .
From what I've read on here though I can see how partners wouldn't know the other's true feelings. The number of people who don'tthink communicate really surprises me.
The lack of communication depresses me. "
I wouldn't say it depresses me but it does leave me a bit  .
I'm constantly amazed at the number of men who think they can get their wives into swinging without talking to her about it for example. I'm sure there are examples of women not communicating with their partners too but I can't immediately think of any. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Saying all the right things, but then needing half a bottle of vodka to go through with it, suggests a night out to the cinema instead. "
Our local cinema has a bar and drinks holders in the luxurious seats  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cos a healthy relationship wouldnt need to do anything to keep the other happy.
That is actually a masssive flag that there is prob mental abuse going on in the relationship |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think when your inside a marriage/long term partnership you maybe don't realise it's disfunctional. Couples mingle in vanilla life everyone professing to be loved up and ticketyboo, but maybe that's just them projecting what they want others to see. The what goes on behind closed doors saying is very true.
Maybe as people can have anonymity here they open up more about their dissatisfactions, asking others for insight without exposing themselves.
I've been shocked on here, the questions asked and by how others live in relationships, the lack of communication and apparent disinterest in a partners wants needs and wellbeing."
I very much agree with all the points you've made. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Saying all the right things, but then needing half a bottle of vodka to go through with it, suggests a night out to the cinema instead. "
That was another thing that put me off clubs. The amount of pissed up wives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Saying all the right things, but then needing half a bottle of vodka to go through with it, suggests a night out to the cinema instead.
Our local cinema has a bar and drinks holders in the luxurious seats "
Ooh fumbling oppurtunities in the back row too?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Saying all the right things, but then needing half a bottle of vodka to go through with it, suggests a night out to the cinema instead.
That was another thing that put me off clubs. The amount of pissed up wives. "
This would have been a slightly wobbly husband  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there is quite a few couples where one of them is doing it to keep the other happy. It's so obvious when you start chatting to them. Also some couples don't have a clue what their partner is up to. I've had it where the male of the couple has wanted to meet me behind their partners back, that is so disappointing.
I like to think though that the majority of couples are open and honest with each other and would have the respect to stop if one wasn't happy.
But I also feel that one person will have to make a compromise which may mean they aren't living their life truly as they wish, which is difficult.
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"I think there is quite a few couples where one of them is doing it to keep the other happy. It's so obvious when you start chatting to them. Also some couples don't have a clue what their partner is up to. I've had it where the male of the couple has wanted to meet me behind their partners back, that is so disappointing.
I like to think though that the majority of couples are open and honest with each other and would have the respect to stop if one wasn't happy.
But I also feel that one person will have to make a compromise which may mean they aren't living their life truly as they wish, which is difficult.
"
this gets me and the bit i dont understand. There is a couple on the scene who are popular at clubs and parties they have 100s of verifications. Yet the husband is still sneaking about on another profile trying to get meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Saying all the right things, but then needing half a bottle of vodka to go through with it, suggests a night out to the cinema instead.
Our local cinema has a bar and drinks holders in the luxurious seats
Ooh fumbling oppurtunities in the back row too? "
Guaranteed... It’s in the small print  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think there is quite a few couples where one of them is doing it to keep the other happy. It's so obvious when you start chatting to them. Also some couples don't have a clue what their partner is up to. I've had it where the male of the couple has wanted to meet me behind their partners back, that is so disappointing.
I like to think though that the majority of couples are open and honest with each other and would have the respect to stop if one wasn't happy.
But I also feel that one person will have to make a compromise which may mean they aren't living their life truly as they wish, which is difficult.
this gets me and the bit i dont understand. There is a couple on the scene who are popular at clubs and parties they have 100s of verifications. Yet the husband is still sneaking about on another profile trying to get meets"
Is he definitely sneaking about or maybe she knows? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People often say they are happy to keep the peace. For example if their partner asked them to swing, they might do it and pretend to be happy just so their partner doesn't leave them.
How can you really know your partner is truly happy to swing? How would you react if they confessed that they want to stop swinging?"
Demeanour, mood, responsiveness, sleeping pattern, hear how they talk to their friends, body language. Not hard
|
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"I think there is quite a few couples where one of them is doing it to keep the other happy. It's so obvious when you start chatting to them. Also some couples don't have a clue what their partner is up to. I've had it where the male of the couple has wanted to meet me behind their partners back, that is so disappointing.
I like to think though that the majority of couples are open and honest with each other and would have the respect to stop if one wasn't happy.
But I also feel that one person will have to make a compromise which may mean they aren't living their life truly as they wish, which is difficult.
this gets me and the bit i dont understand. There is a couple on the scene who are popular at clubs and parties they have 100s of verifications. Yet the husband is still sneaking about on another profile trying to get meets
Is he definitely sneaking about or maybe she knows?"
she didnt know. She bloody well does now though. Seeings i unintentionally outed him by leaving a veri on his couples profile as unbeknown to me he was sneaking about behind her back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From what I remember of long term relationships, there can be an assumption that the other person is happy if there is no evidence to the contrary. It takes two to communicate. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think there is quite a few couples where one of them is doing it to keep the other happy. It's so obvious when you start chatting to them. Also some couples don't have a clue what their partner is up to. I've had it where the male of the couple has wanted to meet me behind their partners back, that is so disappointing.
I like to think though that the majority of couples are open and honest with each other and would have the respect to stop if one wasn't happy.
But I also feel that one person will have to make a compromise which may mean they aren't living their life truly as they wish, which is difficult.
this gets me and the bit i dont understand. There is a couple on the scene who are popular at clubs and parties they have 100s of verifications. Yet the husband is still sneaking about on another profile trying to get meets
Is he definitely sneaking about or maybe she knows?she didnt know. She bloody well does now though. Seeings i unintentionally outed him by leaving a veri on his couples profile as unbeknown to me he was sneaking about behind her back"
Yikes! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"From what I remember of long term relationships, there can be an assumption that the other person is happy if there is no evidence to the contrary. It takes two to communicate. "
Good point No communication if one won't.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk. Often. Openly. Candidly. Honestly. With understanding.
If you are in tune with your partner, you will know if they are unhappy. They shouldn't need to tell you. |
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"Talk. Often. Openly. Candidly. Honestly. With understanding.
If you are in tune with your partner, you will know if they are unhappy. They shouldn't need to tell you."
welcome back. Long time no see |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talk. Often. Openly. Candidly. Honestly. With understanding.
If you are in tune with your partner, you will know if they are unhappy. They shouldn't need to tell you."
Some people are extremely good at hiding their emotions, so your partner many actually have no idea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talk. Often. Openly. Candidly. Honestly. With understanding.
If you are in tune with your partner, you will know if they are unhappy. They shouldn't need to tell you.welcome back. Long time no see"
Thank You |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talk. Often. Openly. Candidly. Honestly. With understanding.
If you are in tune with your partner, you will know if they are unhappy. They shouldn't need to tell you.
Some people are extremely good at hiding their emotions, so your partner many actually have no idea"
I'm not going to argue that that isn't a possibility either
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