FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > After a couple of decades - what does a bloke do?
After a couple of decades - what does a bloke do?
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After more than a couple of decades in a once-a-month-missionary marriage, what the hell does a bloke do?
I don't particularly want to go straight into another serious relationship. I want to have some fun, first. Explore what my sexual preferences actually are.
Don't like the idea of paying for sex. Would rather there was mutual enthusiasm.
Normal dating sites like Match, Eharmony, Elite Singles and even Tinder are focussed on longer term relationships.
I ditched AdultFiendFinder quickly because it's so spammy.
I'm not a cheapskate, but a bloke and his cash are easily parted on dating sites and Ashley Madison is particularly good at extracting it and there's also a fair amount of spam, too.
My experience of FabSwingers is that it's a bit difficult to 'join in'. Maybe it's a tiny bit intimidating.
The site has some useful tips, which I've followed, and I have seen already that this is a very friendly, supportive community with a relaxed atmosphere.
But I have a sense that a not-at-all-athletic, average looking, straight, not initially terribly confident, 53 year old bloke like me - new to the site and not quite knowing where to start, will, I imagine, be lucky to get *any* attention from women. How intelligent and witty a bloke is seems to be somewhat irrelevant in the early stages, at least.
FabSwingers strikes me as a good place to make friends with benefits, but is it a case of sending out loads of messages to appealing members in the hope one will respond?
For the men reading this, what was your first experience of the site? How did you get into the swing of things?
For the women reading this, what can a noob do to make the most of the site? Composing the right message feels like a difficult shot in the dark.
Thanks
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am in the same boat. When I posed this question on forum I was advised to go to a Swingers Club. Good advice but in Cornwall the nearest one is a long drive away. Might try it though.
Just been reading a book about research into the current sex scene especially online. Apparently women are deluged with messages which boosts their confidence and they become very selective. For men the consequence is the opposite. They lose confidence when lots of their approaches receive no replies and they accept the first offer regardless of who it is. Goes with the territory. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well as you’re in Birmingham you are quite close to a couple of clubs, they are good if you go with the expectation of just having a good time socialising and getting to know people. Also look out for local group socials they will help get you a veri and get known and recognised.
Also join in the forums, as you become a more prolific poster it does give the ladies more chance to see your personality come through, and you might get messages off the back of comments on here. Good luck as standing out as a single man on here can be difficult x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m in the same boat really. Recently divorced, with the same girl since I was 21. The internet hasn’t been invented that last time I was single so the whole online dating thing is lost on me. I’m not a swinger either which I make clear on my profile, I’m not one for meeting strangers for sex either. I think I’m a hopeless case to be honest. I’m not desperate for a girlfriend tho, I’m quite happy in my misery at the moment, there are things missing in my life but then when I hear all my mates moaning about theirs other halves then I often think I’m better off on my own. I have lots of female friends who tell me how lovely I am etc and I’m wasted on my own but I’m not looking either. Just enjoy life OP and what will be will be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m in the same boat really. Recently divorced, with the same girl since I was 21. The internet hasn’t been invented that last time I was single so the whole online dating thing is lost on me. I’m not a swinger either which I make clear on my profile, I’m not one for meeting strangers for sex either. I think I’m a hopeless case to be honest. I’m not desperate for a girlfriend tho, I’m quite happy in my misery at the moment, there are things missing in my life but then when I hear all my mates moaning about theirs other halves then I often think I’m better off on my own. I have lots of female friends who tell me how lovely I am etc and I’m wasted on my own but I’m not looking either. Just enjoy life OP and what will be will be."
 you are so funny |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
"I am in the same boat. When I posed this question on forum I was advised to go to a Swingers Club. Good advice but in Cornwall the nearest one is a long drive away. Might try it though.
Just been reading a book about research into the current sex scene especially online. Apparently women are deluged with messages which boosts their confidence and they become very selective. For men the consequence is the opposite. They lose confidence when lots of their approaches receive no replies and they accept the first offer regardless of who it is. Goes with the territory."
If ladies want an ego boost online might be a good place, they might get offers from guys "who wouldn't look at them in the street " good luck to them.. they might also get lots of other unwanted mail as well .. there's a daily thread about abuse...
guys who are willing to accept any offer will likely struggle as their desperation will shine through. Know your worth, have confidence if it ain't working chances are the fault lies near to home.
And ..Everyone can say no thanks..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Life is tough for single guys no doubt!
For starters it seems a very high percentage of couples have a bi curious or bi sexual female, which means single guys go to the bottom of the list.
I really think the clubs are the best place for action for the guys and then they can perhaps make some friends and veris to make their profile more appealing.
Hope that help a bit.
Lyndz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m in the same boat really. Recently divorced, with the same girl since I was 21. The internet hasn’t been invented that last time I was single so the whole online dating thing is lost on me. I’m not a swinger either which I make clear on my profile, I’m not one for meeting strangers for sex either. I think I’m a hopeless case to be honest. I’m not desperate for a girlfriend tho, I’m quite happy in my misery at the moment, there are things missing in my life but then when I hear all my mates moaning about theirs other halves then I often think I’m better off on my own. I have lots of female friends who tell me how lovely I am etc and I’m wasted on my own but I’m not looking either. Just enjoy life OP and what will be will be.
you are so funny "
Erm......thanks......I think  |
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"After more than a couple of decades in a once-a-month-missionary marriage, what the hell does a bloke do?
I don't particularly want to go straight into another serious relationship. I want to have some fun, first. Explore what my sexual preferences actually are.
Don't like the idea of paying for sex. Would rather there was mutual enthusiasm.
Normal dating sites like Match, Eharmony, Elite Singles and even Tinder are focussed on longer term relationships.
I ditched AdultFiendFinder quickly because it's so spammy.
I'm not a cheapskate, but a bloke and his cash are easily parted on dating sites and Ashley Madison is particularly good at extracting it and there's also a fair amount of spam, too.
My experience of FabSwingers is that it's a bit difficult to 'join in'. Maybe it's a tiny bit intimidating.
The site has some useful tips, which I've followed, and I have seen already that this is a very friendly, supportive community with a relaxed atmosphere.
But I have a sense that a not-at-all-athletic, average looking, straight, not initially terribly confident, 53 year old bloke like me - new to the site and not quite knowing where to start, will, I imagine, be lucky to get *any* attention from women. How intelligent and witty a bloke is seems to be somewhat irrelevant in the early stages, at least.
FabSwingers strikes me as a good place to make friends with benefits, but is it a case of sending out loads of messages to appealing members in the hope one will respond?
For the men reading this, what was your first experience of the site? How did you get into the swing of things?
For the women reading this, what can a noob do to make the most of the site? Composing the right message feels like a difficult shot in the dark.
Thanks
"
You've been here a week, it takes time to settle in and look around.
What are your honest expectations? You seem a little disillusioned. |
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"You've been here a week, it takes time to settle in and look around.
What are your honest expectations? You seem a little disillusioned."
I don't know, really. Some ladies don't receive messages from noobs.
Those I have messaged either haven't read the messages (they have been online recently) or deleted them. Which I understand.
Following this thread, I've just had some advice privately from a couple of very fab ladies who have given me help to rewrite my profile.
They have suggested I post in the forums, so I'll do that.
And go to clubs. Chameleons is likely the best one. I'm a confident, capable man, but but fuck, I'd be nervous wandering in there by myself for the first time.
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"I already love you O.P.
Haven't seen you though.
Why ruin a wonderful relationship I say. "
Thanks, everyone, for your warm welcome to this forum (this being my first post) and for the advice and encouragement.
It's much appreciated.
What a lovely lot, you are |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
You have a nice, honest profile with a touch of humour. You could do with a few more pics.
You could see if anyone is organising a social near you, you'd get verified then. That might make it easier to meet people.
But don't expect too much too soon, you'll come across as needy and desperate! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’ve only been here a week so give it time.
I’m 9 weeks in and still not got my first meet (mostly down to timewasters) so I guess it could be even longer for a man!
Also I’d say you’d do good posting some other photos of yourself just so people can see a bit of you. Your written profile seems good.
You’ve tried nearly all of the dating sites & don’t want to pay for sex so Fabswingers could be ideal.
I think since you’re new it’s best to just go with the flow, be patient and send messages out to women you actually like, and genuinely would want to meet. If they don’t reply, move on to the next one.
There’s someone for everyone on here, but I definitely think it takes time. |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
I've never been on this site as a single man, and never would because it's pretty much based on initial physical attraction. I bin loads of messages from guys (on Niki's instruction) that I would consider as being far more attractive than me, so know exactly where I would end up! I would suggest trying to meet women in real life rather than via the internet - imo it's the best way. |
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Yeah, impatience is one of my problems  After 24 years, though, I hope it's somewhat understandable, though
"
Also I’d say you’d do good posting some other photos of yourself just so people can see a bit of you. Your written profile seems good."
I just made most of my photos private. I'll make a couple public again.
Thanks for the advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah, impatience is one of my problems After 24 years, though, I hope it's somewhat understandable, though
Also I’d say you’d do good posting some other photos of yourself just so people can see a bit of you. Your written profile seems good.
I just made most of my photos private. I'll make a couple public again.
Thanks for the advice."
No problem!
Hope it works out! |
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"Yeah, impatience is one of my problems After 24 years, though, I hope it's somewhat understandable, though
Also I’d say you’d do good posting some other photos of yourself just so people can see a bit of you. Your written profile seems good.
I just made most of my photos private. I'll make a couple public again.
Thanks for the advice."
As others have said, I am afraid a bloke in his fifties, not in good shape is pretty much bottom of the fab food chain. Your lack of pics doesn't help either.
On the plus side you come across as a friendly intelligent chap who knows how to talk to women without coming across as someone on the register. I would take part in forum discussions and get known to people.. It's likely you'll get meets off the back of that. |
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"without coming across as someone on the register"
The food chain analogy makes getting eaten alive come to mind
I'm encouraged.
A forum as busy as this means the site is doing well. Look at the time of last reply on the threads on the first page. It's within minutes. That's a healthy forum. Which means lots of people and hopefully a good portion of women who are into men who love giving orgasms |
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