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low self esteme in women
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you assume it's low self esteem? Could it be she simply doesn't want anything further to do with you, or is that unthinkable?  "
I think that being told by the lady in question that her low self esteem was the reason for her decision makes it a not unreasonable assumption.
To the OP: there can be many different reasons for low self esteem. Having a negative body image can sometimes be a reason, but really, unless she has explicitly explained what her issues are, it's impossible to guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hard to advise without knowing the lady or what has happened between you. Not wanting to be friends any longer sounds a bit drastic so there might be another reason unless she's got so many hang ups about her body she no longer wants to swing at all. All you can do is ask her and respect her decision if she doesn't want to keep in contact with you. Ms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People who have low self esteem can be very high maintenance...
If You want to be in that persons life, you will need to be careful to be nurturing at All times...
I lost a beautiful person before I learned that lesson...;-)
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you assume it's low self esteem? Could it be she simply doesn't want anything further to do with you, or is that unthinkable? "
cuzshe told him apparantly lol
every post of urs i come across is so cynical |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you assume it's low self esteem? Could it be she simply doesn't want anything further to do with you, or is that unthinkable?
I think that being told by the lady in question that her low self esteem was the reason for her decision makes it a not unreasonable assumption.
To the OP: there can be many different reasons for low self esteem. Having a negative body image can sometimes be a reason, but really, unless she has explicitly explained what her issues are, it's impossible to guess."
if your self esteem was that low you couldnt meet anyone why would you join a swingers site
hardly the right site to be joinging to talk to people about your problems
still sounds like a get out of jail free card to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you assume it's low self esteem? Could it be she simply doesn't want anything further to do with you, or is that unthinkable?
cuzshe told him apparantly lol
every post of urs i come across is so cynical "
No she didnt...
OP is asking a question...;-)
You Never read the posts...
Oops isnt this the Sweeping Generalisations thread...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How does one handle this had a lady friend who said she had it and know longer wants to be friends. Is this. Because of underlying body image. Paul "
can i just ask when you say lady friend go you mean a woman you know in real life your friends with or someone you've been talking to on here on your frinds list?
just accured to me it may not even being a swingong friend lol
either way sounds odd, looks have nothing to do with friendship, why you wouldnt want to be someone friends because of either of your looks is beyond me
if however its someone off here i stand by my about post lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the ops post says she told him she has/had low self esteem
and yeh the 2nd poster is always very cynical regardless  "
Perhaps the "Is this" clouded my judgement...;-)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"low self esteem can be a symptom of depression.
Which can quickly turn into a vicious circle...
indeed"
The good news being that the sooner the person realises they have a problem, the sooner they can start to pull themselves out of it...;-) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"low self esteem can be a symptom of depression.
Which can quickly turn into a vicious circle...
indeed
The good news being that the sooner the person realises they have a problem, the sooner they can start to pull themselves out of it...;-)"
*agrees* |
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Whilst we can help others become more of who they want to be, including feeling better about themselves, develop confidence and self-esteem etc, ultimately it is only ourselves that can do this, and we need usually - as has been said above - to start from a position of awareness, and then need motivation.
Ultimately, behaviour is goal directed, including 'negative' emotions and behaviours; if something else doesn't give a better pay off, then we'll keep doing what we're currently doing.
Obviously can't speak for this lady, but it sounds like you're doing the right things - you're concerned, have respect etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you assume it's low self esteem? Could it be she simply doesn't want anything further to do with you, or is that unthinkable? "
The clue could be in the original post when he writes "she had it" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People who have low self esteem can be very high maintenance...
If You want to be in that persons life, you will need to be careful to be nurturing at All times...
I lost a beautiful person before I learned that lesson...;-)
Good luck."
ah isnt that sad, and sweet also.... (not putting a devil face for this) |
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By *obletonMan
over a year ago
A Home Among The Woodland Creatures |
"Why would you assume it's low self esteem? Could it be she simply doesn't want anything further to do with you, or is that unthinkable?
The clue could be in the original post when he writes "she had it" "
I took that to mean she'd said something like "I've had it and no longer want to be friends!"
In other words had it with him, rather than the "it" referring to low self-esteem.
The OP didn't write it very clearly.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dunno why people think any site doesnt attract people u wouldnt normally expect(or its been taught that way), the only bad thing about people with low self esteem issues or depressive issues is those who will exploit those people, giving rise to hurt feelings and give deeper senses of the issues.
If i met someone I know was maybe being a bit more needing of me, would it be fair to lead them into something false?
No
do people do it?
Yes
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Can't comment on the woman in question cause I dunno who she is and probably never met her.
But did wanna say that I've found women who swing to normally exude self-confidence. Women who aren't as slim as Kate Moss, or who aren't as conventionally attractive as Helena Christensen, or who aren't as tall as Naomi Campbell... they're just everyday, normal people. But they're happy with who they are, and that confidence shines through in what they say and how they act - and it makes them even more attractive, which in turn makes them feel better about themselves and so it continues. |
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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago
In a crisp poke on the A814 |
"Why would you assume it's low self esteem? Could it be she simply doesn't want anything further to do with you, or is that unthinkable?
cuzshe told him apparantly lol
every post of urs i come across is so cynical "
Where on the OP's post does it say SHE said this????? |
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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago
with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc |
She has low self esteem?? So do I, but it doesnt mean I wouldnt be interested with someone who makes me feel sexy or wanted.
As for the poster who said shes high maintence... She may not be. Maybe she just wants to feel good and sexy about herself and wanted?! Its not hard to do if you really want and are attracted to that person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ignoring the usual "he said, she said" that usually eminates from any thread in a vain effort to induce humour (laughing at your own jokes could be viewed as low self esteem, or just a general social ineptitude, your choice  )
Low self esteem in anyone is usually formulated from a "one-trick pony" mentality, i.e. that person (who has low self esteem), may view themselves as only being "beautiful" (so said the man wanting a shag).
To build self esteem, (which is by no means easy), requires the friend to look at other "positive" aspects of that person, are they funny, intelligent, kind, caring etc etc. Women on swinging sites, dating sites whatever sites get told "you look gorgeous" time and time again,so much so that they begin to filter it out. What they may like to hear, is that they make you laugh, or you enjoy a conversation with them because they are intelligent, etc.
To the OP, I do not know how you have approached your "relationship" with this lady, but perhaps, if she means more to you than a "quick shag", you should try doing other things together other than shagging, give her value as a friend and dont let it always boil down to sex and swinging.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"low self esteem can be a symptom of depression.
Which can quickly turn into a vicious circle...
indeed
The good news being that the sooner the person realises they have a problem, the sooner they can start to pull themselves out of it...;-)
Got a hubby with both! It's horrible! And a totally vicious circle! Got to the point where he couldn't see why even his kids wanted to know him as felt so worthless!
If simple things like fab don't help self esteem, my advise, go see a gp! Get pro help!
*agrees*"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't comment on the woman in question cause I dunno who she is and probably never met her.
But did wanna say that I've found women who swing to normally exude self-confidence. Women who aren't as slim as Kate Moss, or who aren't as conventionally attractive as Helena Christensen, or who aren't as tall as Naomi Campbell... they're just everyday, normal people. But they're happy with who they are, and that confidence shines through in what they say and how they act - and it makes them even more attractive, which in turn makes them feel better about themselves and so it continues."
A year ago I would never have thought I coud feel as positive about myself as I do now! Joining the swinging community has been e biggest wake up call to me ever! Have always thought I was fat but not unattractive, but that men wanted the tall big booted slim blonde women, not the ones who r like me!
Makes a big difference being told by a few people that ur sexy, pretty, funny etc. I love my self more now and find that others see my positive attitude and love me too!
Fab should be prescribed before Prozac every time! Between the compliments and the sex u can't go wrong!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it does not actually say anywhere that she is someone off here
she could be a every day friend
its always confusing when people on here says a friend as you never know if that means a friend as in someone they know personally or just someone they have swapped a couple of messages with and added to their friends list
it sounds very odd to me tho as this reason does not seem to add up for either scenario really |
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