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Men and domestic violence
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"Having been the subject of domestic violence for several years the banana is spot on, and it's embarrassing, not because I couldn't defend myself, but just wouldn't against a women quite literally 2/3 my size. But certainly having to sit and pick broken glass out of your chest a couple of times, while your daughter watches does count as domestic violence. as well as all the mental abuse and other physical acts. But who on earth would I go and tell that to, when I could quite clearly physically do something about it?" You go and tell the police, physically doing something about it will cause you to be the arsehole not the victim. Imagine if you were picking the glass out of your daughter. She needs protecting as much as you. Good luck | |||
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"Pride" Exactly pride, and what I did about it was leave her taking my daughter with me, all in the past now, but I'm pretty sure the police wouldn't have taken it too seriously. But as I didn't go to them I can't be sure. | |||
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"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem. In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve. " Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men. I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported. | |||
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"Pride" And embarrassment for women. Being judged for both. Maybe it’s the victim’s love; wanting to fix things / make them right. Maybe it’s not reported because there’s the sense that things will get better. | |||
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As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of | |||
"I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires
As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of "I don't think it's funny at all and it's shocking that women end up defending other women over it. Equally as shocking if men would defend other men over being abusive to women. One of my old friends had a girlfriend who was incredibly degrading towards men and she was mentally and emotionally abusive to my friend, her actions almost ended up in her going to prison and she ended up with a restricting order. But she's far in the past now. | |||
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"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem. In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve. Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men. I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported." The statistics I've seen (sorry, I can't remember the source!) also show that even within the proportion of incidents with male victims, the majority of perpetrators were men. | |||
"Men don’t report because it’s not the manly thing to do.. same goes for groping " very true and some men would be scared to admit that it’s happening because it would be seen as weak but that isn’t the case and there’s a lot more mentally than physically.It shouldn’t happen either way regardless of what way round it is and karma comes around. | |||
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"I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires
As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of "Actually I support men and women who have mental issues due to the fact of abuse. I've worked with children who have been abused by family. Also I have been abused my last relationship was narcissistic. Normally those who been abused turn into abusers themselves.. The way we treat animals is enough for me to see abuse made by humans done by humans. | |||
"I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires
As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of
I don't think it's funny at all and it's shocking that women end up defending other women over it. Equally as shocking if men would defend other men over being abusive to women. One of my old friends had a girlfriend who was incredibly degrading towards men and she was mentally and emotionally abusive to my friend, her actions almost ended up in her going to prison and she ended up with a restricting order. But she's far in the past now. "I don’t think any of it is funny, but I do think speaking out is a strength and needs to be done more. Having met a few men in these relationships you can see how they have been destroyed by it all, heartbreaking. They said it was the emotional abusive that hurt the most. More light on the male side does need to be shed. | |||
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"I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires
As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of
I don't think it's funny at all and it's shocking that women end up defending other women over it. Equally as shocking if men would defend other men over being abusive to women. One of my old friends had a girlfriend who was incredibly degrading towards men and she was mentally and emotionally abusive to my friend, her actions almost ended up in her going to prison and she ended up with a restricting order. But she's far in the past now. "But they do, sadly, the very same women who I classed as my friends and advised me to leave her as it would be easier being a 1 parent family and she didn't deserve me, when push came to shove, with one excpetion, sided with my ex, even though they had told me oh so many times how they didn't like her and were only friends because of me, lol. My first big exposure to real human loyalty. I learnt a hell of a lot from that. | |||
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"There's also the strong sense of not wanting to betray the woman, of being a gentleman and just putting up with it. I wouldn't want the woman who abused me to get a reputation. The male is the protector. It goes completely against the grain to betray that and admit the truth. It's like I'm being a snitch " That is also true, the second time it happened to me (do I attract them, maybe, I like to help people) I let it go first time, then second time finsished the relationship, which hurt badly, but mentally did me a lot less harm than a painful and nasty long term abuse and marriage. And yes the mental abuse is by far the hardest to deal with, I've played a LOT of physical sports and injured myself 100s of times, all more painful than the actual physical injury, but the thought that somebody you love and you though loved you is able to deliberately try and harm you physically and emotionally is almost unbearable. At the time I had some very dark thoughts. Since then I've met two wonderful women, one I spent years with, without massivepassion but is still one of my best froends and fixed a lot, and now I'm with the most understanding, wonderful kind person I've ever known. And she does suffer from insecurity and doubt I've collected, but understands and forgives. I've spoken to friends about it in the past, and my female friends have been generally understanding, without exception all male friends find it funny, when I weigh 18-19 stone and should have sorted her out, it couldn't really have been a problem. So another example of the double standards that apply. At a fairly well known midlands club I got myself fairly d*unk and needed to sleep it off. a supposed female friend offered to take me to a private room and make sure I had a quick sleep. I woke up 30 minutes or so later to find I had a condom on and she was having sex with me. many times previously I had made it clear I had no interest in her, and I did have a reputation for having sex with quite a few women, of my choice. EVERYBODY I have mentioned it to since think it's hilarious, comments from, wow you still got hard, bet that was great and good for her, she took her chance. Well you know what, as far as I'm concerned I was physically abused (site won;t let me put the real world), and if it had been the other way round I would expect to be in prison. I am still not happy about it, it hasn't affected my life or mentality tremendously, not compared to the abuse, and I can genuinely see how it is less intrusive than for a woman. Was it my fault for getting d*unk, well yes I guess it was, but not only my fault and I didn't commit the offence. Well there's a whole lot of mind dumping, lol. can't imagine the typos. | |||
"Whilst it is more common women report it, how come not so many men do it? Is it to taboo to talk about in general for both sexes, whats your view?" My best male friend was domestically abused by his alcoholic wife for almost two years and he never breathed a word, I had absolutely no idea. I’d known them both for fifteen years and one random Saturday she turned up at the gym at 11am blind d*unk; he broke down in front of me and it all came tumbling out! Never seen anything like it and to be fair, don’t want to again; but would encourage anyone (male, female or rainbow) to seek out the person you trust the most and just talk! | |||
"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem. In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve. Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men. I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported." Nothing you said would contradict what I'm saying. Serious DV is overwhelmingly male perpetrated, hence the DV that's get reported reflects that. I wouldn't report a girlfriend for slapping me, nor would most men. Nor do I think a woman slapping me is on par with what normally has happened by the time the police are getting involved in a case. But look at any survey where they ask 'women have you ever hit a male partner?' And 'men have you ever hit a female partner?' And you'll find it's more women. I found stats under a telegraph article called "Women: hitting your man is not cute; it's abuse". 1 in 7 women said they'd hit a partner. 1 in 20 men admitted to it. | |||
"Iv been with a good few women who hit me and a few of my friends have had violent girlfriends aswell, when you tell someone they usually assume that you did something dickish to deserved it but flip the situation and they say that women dont deserve to be hit. Women do it because they know they can get away with it, no woman would punch another woman twice their size and expect to get away with that shit but they happily beat on men twice their size. Same when in clubs, iv had women throw themselves on me, grabbing at my ass and crotch and its all just good fun but again if you flip the situation then that would get me thrown out, beaten up and my name put on the list of sex offenders. If we want an equal world where men and women get treated the same then next time she raises her fist just knock her the fuck out, you wouldnt allow another man to punch away would you? But try not to hit eachother folks, its just childish." We all know that if a woman turns up to meet a bunch of friends and says she just punched her boyfriend in the face because she caught him cheating, she'll get sympathy or cheers. Not so if a man punches his girlfriend in the face if he catches her cheating... | |||
"Apparently back in the 70s feminists took over the whole domestic violence issue and turned it into a female-only thing. Women who were working in the shelters at the time who didn't agree with this were marginalised. I can imagine that stats of extreme physical violence definitely support the feminist narrative. But I wouldn't be surprised if stats on emotional abuse tell the opposite story. Clearly the former needs stopping the most. But it has historically been done at the expense of brushing the latter under the rug. " So a while back the police released some CCTV footage of a severe DV case. You know it's going to be bad when the guy has such a history that the police set up CCTV in your house. Anyway, it turns your stomach to watch it. But part of it was that he pushed her down some stairs, then dragged her limp body back up the stairs and pushed her down again. Now that's something that biologically, most women can't do to most men. So i do get where the feminists are coming from. Women needed a weapon for most the serious DV against men. It definately happens both ways, but I'm won't pretend it's a 50:50 problem. | |||
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"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem. In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve. Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men. I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported." Tends to be 50/50 for lower level DV; “Another 2011 review published in the journal of Aggression and Violent Behavior also found that although minor domestic violence was equal, more severe violence was perpetrated by men. It was also found that men were more likely to beat up, ch*ke or str*ngle their partners, while women were more likely to throw things at their partner, slap, kick, bite, punch, or hit with an object.” | |||
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"The prevalence in society of the awful term 'man up' probably reveals the pressures upon men that discourage them from being more open about their problems."  not forgetting the ubiquitous "grow a pair". | |||
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"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem. In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve. Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men. I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported." This what the thread is on about. Reported cases! At the moment women report more cases of DV, then men do. So essentially all the figures used on this subject, could be classed as skewed as not many men will report that they are being subjected to DV. | |||
"Great thread. Men need to be able to talk. " Here lies the problem wirh so many male issues, they won't talk to someone or report things. | |||
"Great thread. Men need to be able to talk. Here lies the problem wirh so many male issues, they won't talk to someone or report things." It’s not the manly thing to do  | |||
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"Great thread. Men need to be able to talk. Here lies the problem wirh so many male issues, they won't talk to someone or report things. It’s not the manly thing to do "Or necessarily the best thing to do. If I'd reported every ex-girlfriend that had slapped me, to the police, then it wouldn't have made anything better. | |||
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"Men love to play the victim card! " I don't know if that was just a joke but I wouldn't be surprised if it was the opposite. Lash out at a woman with a feigned slapping motion and she'll quickly accuse you of domestic violence and tell all her friends as much. But guys always have this niggling doubt that maybe it's not really abuse. Maybe they're over egging it. It's only when there's a blade in your chest that you start to think "hmm yeah I reckon this probably would be classified as domestic abuse" | |||
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"There's also the strong sense of not wanting to betray the woman, of being a gentleman and just putting up with it. I wouldn't want the woman who abused me to get a reputation. The male is the protector. It goes completely against the grain to betray that and admit the truth. It's like I'm being a snitch That is also true, the second time it happened to me (do I attract them, maybe, I like to help people) I let it go first time, then second time finsished the relationship, which hurt badly, but mentally did me a lot less harm than a painful and nasty long term abuse and marriage. And yes the mental abuse is by far the hardest to deal with, I've played a LOT of physical sports and injured myself 100s of times, all more painful than the actual physical injury, but the thought that somebody you love and you though loved you is able to deliberately try and harm you physically and emotionally is almost unbearable. At the time I had some very dark thoughts. Since then I've met two wonderful women, one I spent years with, without massivepassion but is still one of my best froends and fixed a lot, and now I'm with the most understanding, wonderful kind person I've ever known. And she does suffer from insecurity and doubt I've collected, but understands and forgives. I've spoken to friends about it in the past, and my female friends have been generally understanding, without exception all male friends find it funny, when I weigh 18-19 stone and should have sorted her out, it couldn't really have been a problem. So another example of the double standards that apply. At a fairly well known midlands club I got myself fairly d*unk and needed to sleep it off. a supposed female friend offered to take me to a private room and make sure I had a quick sleep. I woke up 30 minutes or so later to find I had a condom on and she was having sex with me. many times previously I had made it clear I had no interest in her, and I did have a reputation for having sex with quite a few women, of my choice. EVERYBODY I have mentioned it to since think it's hilarious, comments from, wow you still got hard, bet that was great and good for her, she took her chance. Well you know what, as far as I'm concerned I was physically abused (site won;t let me put the real world), and if it had been the other way round I would expect to be in prison. I am still not happy about it, it hasn't affected my life or mentality tremendously, not compared to the abuse, and I can genuinely see how it is less intrusive than for a woman. Was it my fault for getting d*unk, well yes I guess it was, but not only my fault and I didn't commit the offence. Well there's a whole lot of mind dumping, lol. can't imagine the typos." No it's not your fault for getting d*unk. You trusted a friend to look after you and she did the opposite. Really glad your story had a happy ending and you've found someone you trust. | |||
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"Pride" (In the name of love) | |||
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"Pride" That is right | |||
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"Whilst it is more common women report it, how come not so many men do it? Is it to taboo to talk about in general for both sexes, whats your view?" Exactly the same way as hundreds of women do not report it fear. | |||
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