FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Light bulbs - don't chance them
Light bulbs - don't chance them
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *rFunBoy OP Man
over a year ago
Longridge |
So, here goes the story..
3am, all quiet then the landline rings. Curiously answering the phone it's the girl I'm currently seeing on the phone who appears to be struggling to breath.
Eventually I calm her down from her hysterical grunts where she starts to talk more coherently.
She's at work on bank in A&E in a hospital (which I won't mention the name).
Around 1am a guy appeared at the check in desk and when asked what was up he was very shy and said that it wasn't him but for his friend outside. After explaining that they won't treat him outside and he would have to come in.
So in he came, and asked to speak to someone in confidence. My ex steps up and takes them both to a cubicle and asks what's wrong where the first guy explained that they had been experimenting and had managed to insert a light bulb into the rectum of his partner.
The problem was that it was well lubricated and pushed in thin end first meaning it was impossible to grip to pull out.
They decided that this would be best handed over to a surgeon as it would be delicate at best.
So an hour or so later they have the poor guy on all 4's trying to grip the bulb. Surgeon decided that the best tool for the job would be forceps as it would be just like delivering a baby.
Forceps semt for and promptly arrives lubed up and inserted in said back-end. All going good, bulb gripped and on it's way back to the outside world where at just the point the anus is at its widest point the bulb shatters.
Rectum and anus immediately contract trapping the forceps along with many pieces of broken glass shredding everything flesh around it.
At this point her break was over so needed to get back to continue. In the morning it turned out that over 100 stitches were needed both internally and externally with a large quantity of transfusion.
There were numerous 'bright spark' jokes going around plus many others.
So the moral of the story is next time you want to stick a bulb up the bum... make sure its thick end first!!!!
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, here goes the story..
3am, all quiet then the landline rings. Curiously answering the phone it's the girl I'm currently seeing on the phone who appears to be struggling to breath.
Eventually I calm her down from her hysterical grunts where she starts to talk more coherently.
She's at work on bank in A&E in a hospital (which I won't mention the name).
Around 1am a guy appeared at the check in desk and when asked what was up he was very shy and said that it wasn't him but for his friend outside. After explaining that they won't treat him outside and he would have to come in.
So in he came, and asked to speak to someone in confidence. My ex steps up and takes them both to a cubicle and asks what's wrong where the first guy explained that they had been experimenting and had managed to insert a light bulb into the rectum of his partner.
The problem was that it was well lubricated and pushed in thin end first meaning it was impossible to grip to pull out.
They decided that this would be best handed over to a surgeon as it would be delicate at best.
So an hour or so later they have the poor guy on all 4's trying to grip the bulb. Surgeon decided that the best tool for the job would be forceps as it would be just like delivering a baby.
Forceps semt for and promptly arrives lubed up and inserted in said back-end. All going good, bulb gripped and on it's way back to the outside world where at just the point the anus is at its widest point the bulb shatters.
Rectum and anus immediately contract trapping the forceps along with many pieces of broken glass shredding everything flesh around it.
At this point her break was over so needed to get back to continue. In the morning it turned out that over 100 stitches were needed both internally and externally with a large quantity of transfusion.
There were numerous 'bright spark' jokes going around plus many others.
So the moral of the story is next time you want to stick a bulb up the bum... make sure its thick end first!!!!
"
Or stick to tulips.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, here goes the story..
3am, all quiet then the landline rings. Curiously answering the phone it's the girl I'm currently seeing on the phone who appears to be struggling to breath.
Eventually I calm her down from her hysterical grunts where she starts to talk more coherently.
She's at work on bank in A&E in a hospital (which I won't mention the name).
Around 1am a guy appeared at the check in desk and when asked what was up he was very shy and said that it wasn't him but for his friend outside. After explaining that they won't treat him outside and he would have to come in.
So in he came, and asked to speak to someone in confidence. My ex steps up and takes them both to a cubicle and asks what's wrong where the first guy explained that they had been experimenting and had managed to insert a light bulb into the rectum of his partner.
The problem was that it was well lubricated and pushed in thin end first meaning it was impossible to grip to pull out.
They decided that this would be best handed over to a surgeon as it would be delicate at best.
So an hour or so later they have the poor guy on all 4's trying to grip the bulb. Surgeon decided that the best tool for the job would be forceps as it would be just like delivering a baby.
Forceps semt for and promptly arrives lubed up and inserted in said back-end. All going good, bulb gripped and on it's way back to the outside world where at just the point the anus is at its widest point the bulb shatters.
Rectum and anus immediately contract trapping the forceps along with many pieces of broken glass shredding everything flesh around it.
At this point her break was over so needed to get back to continue. In the morning it turned out that over 100 stitches were needed both internally and externally with a large quantity of transfusion.
There were numerous 'bright spark' jokes going around plus many others.
So the moral of the story is next time you want to stick a bulb up the bum... make sure its thick end first!!!!
"
Utter bollocks!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rFunBoy OP Man
over a year ago
Longridge |
"Is it a girl you've been seeing or your ex?
Mrs"
Dear dear..
She wouldn't have been an ex at the time I was seeing, her as I doubt she be phoning me at 3am.
As it was 15 or so years ago she later became an ex!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This needs one of those seventies public information films,
"Lightbulbs... DON'T CHANCE IT!""
That was not good, Joe & Petunia were better, Ohh look, now he's waving to us o/
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBc02FPSvXc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
So many different designs though, the traditional bulb type, the curly pigtail type, the stick that's been folded over and over like your grandadss old measuring stick type... I wonder if a new type has to pass an asshole test before it can go on sale? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
