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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought the same, people throw pooh bags into trees etc.
BUT then;
One hot summers evening I saw the strangest thing, countless black rabbits frolicking in the field I use for walking the dogs. It took me by complete surprise, it startled me even.
I found myself automatically crouching down, like when you sense danger, for a closer view. I've seen rabbits before but these were acting very strangely, I watched them weaving bumping rolling avoiding collisions with each other, weird I thought, not one of them jumped or kicked out with their back legs, surely these aren't black rats, rats only jump when they are in danger or after food!
Left confused and equally curious, I ignored my usually good sense, stepping deeper into this parkland with some caution as rodents always run when approached. These just continued zig and zagging oblivious to their surroundings,me and two agile fast and rather large 'silent' dogs. This was just not right, what in gods name were these fearless things?
I rose from my now uncomfortable squat, decided that I would re-position myself into the sunless blackened edge of the tree and bush lined arena.
The dogs seemed reluctant, unusually nervous and very un-wolf like, they would have happily stayed exactly where we were, in fact when I thought about things later that evening, I had to encourage them out of the rear or the car.
I tugged on their leads as I didn't want to make a single sound, the mutts took up that all familiar stance - arse firmly planted, legs forwards, head down and that fixed panicked gaze, the one that tells you immediately ''I'm comfortable where I am thanks''. I of course adopted the human equivalent ''hands on manly hips, eyes bulging, teeth bared telepathically saying, Oh please move''.
The kick was delivered to their snug arses and they sprang into action. As I dragged them behind me we eventually reached the woodlands. The 'bagpipes in a vice noise' screeching out of the dogs throats' had finally got the attention of 'them'.
They stopped on the spot, turned their shiny flimsy ears towards me, squeaked at the two creatures now tearing away as fast as their wolves legs would carry them and made straight for me.
I'm tempted to say that luckily I had a black bag handy as I shat myself, but being a big brave fella brave enough to venture into the dark woods with two fucking very hairy cowards, I wont.
I could cut this short but I am bored. and in need of mental stimulation.
They 'the things' moved slowly, it was impossible to see any legs, they moved more in the fashion of two triangles, popping one shuffled plop in front of the other forward heading plop. Their ears seem to have no control and some seemed to have been pierced, others loose and torn, all knotted into a tight ring at the base.
Slowly they made their way past ''bang me Sally'' (not from this site) as she dogged away blindfolded on the recently bleached park bench (the police were so delighted with Sally single-handedly getting rid of the boy racers that they convinced the local council to bleach Sallys bench each Thurs afternoon (officially they didn't approve of her methods..unofficially!). Poor Sally had no idea that she was waggling her bleached white arse to a now dogger free field, those bastards had abandoned her before my mutts had legged it, amazing really as it was a Thursday and Sally had promised sparkly clean bollocks and anal to all comers.
Jesus, I've got to wind this up quickly and come to my point.
Quivering at the edge of the field I watched transfixed to the spot as these evil little black creatures oozed towards me, you have no idea the relief that I felt as they ignored me and started snake like slithering up and into any tree or bush in range, they just hung there. Unbelievably all I could think about was a line from Jurassic Park ''life will find a way'' - had these actually been bags full of dog poo evolving into a life form?
Personally I would much rather people start leaving their dogs shit everywhere again, pavements, fields, and parks with attractions, rather than risk even more charities springing up asking for donations, showing you images of their shit lives, living in cold dark woods to coax cash out of you.
If that's not enough of a warning from even suggesting leaving shit to biodegrade.............
Think about poor Sally, she has only just manged to fight off all those boy racers by pooing over their car bonnets on a Thursday, after anal night.
As an aside, it has taken 1000's of years (ok that is an exaggeration) to teach these wankers to put shit in a bag.
Do you really want to find yourselves unable to walk 4 metres without avoiding a shoe full again ?
That would just be a load of shit.
That's the end of my long winded point! |
