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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My marriage has recently ended. The husband is still in our house on the settee looking for a house share (our young kids don't know yet,so we're keeping things normal until he has somewhere to go and they know where dad will be). We were in an open marriage, but unfortunately I was the only one being honest. He's currently seeing a girl that he basically has been having an affair with for the last 7 years (who manages to cheat in an open marriage, honestly!). Since I ended things, I've continued to see people as I refuse to let this stop me enjoying my life. The problem is I feel a bit hypocritical, like I should be sat at home mourning the loss of my marriage. Am I stupid for feeling like this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No one can tell you how to feel. I have an idea how you feel having gone through similar, you will figure It out. Just don't feel guilty, your entitled to have as much fun as you want. X |
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You're not being hypocritical at all, unless you weren't honest, which you've stated you have been.
I hope things work out as far as the kids go and that the transition is as smooth as possible for ya. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only you can decide what is right for you, OP, it's not a question of what you should be doing (according to whom anyway).
If you feel a bit confused, perhaps a chat with a counselor might help, it's virtually inevitable that things like this have fallout (even for the person initiating the breakup), and denying it may impact you more at a later stage, grief is a process and not a quick one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Read what you wrote.
Read it again and again. You’ll see what I have to tell you.
Basically eating 5kg of sugar per day and expect no health issues is what you just wrote.
And 7 years?
That’s outrageous. Did you not notice a different pattern at all?!
Now isn’t the time to think of what either of you have done wrong.
Think about your kids, how and what will you be able to provide them to raise them in a healthy manner and think of what you want in future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My marriage has recently ended. The husband is still in our house on the settee looking for a house share (our young kids don't know yet,so we're keeping things normal until he has somewhere to go and they know where dad will be).
We were in an open marriage, but unfortunately I was the only one being honest. He's currently seeing a girl that he basically has been having an affair with for the last 7 years (who manages to cheat in an open marriage, honestly!). Since I ended things, I've continued to see people as I refuse to let this stop me enjoying my life. The problem is I feel a bit hypocritical, like I should be sat at home mourning the loss of my marriage. Am I stupid for feeling like this?"
It maybe because he is still there anyone living your life as usual, it may hit you once he has gone and left the house, so be prepared for the emotional upheaval then and rally your freinds around you sending a virtual hug and all the best wishes for a smooth transition, be true to yourself and keep swinging xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ypu will feel different when he moves out. Fair play for letting him stay . I'd kick him out . Let him go be with one he had the affair with. Good luck op. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the marriage is over then you can do what you want and don't worry about anyone that tells you different I was in a long relationship.
and we went our separate ways and once I was single I came on fab to see what it was like it was s bit better back then and you enjoy life it's so short. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He must be crazy to leave a gorgeous woman like you . If you ever want to visit New York to get away for a few weeks let me know . I’d use my travel mikes to fly you here . I have a big house you could stay in . Let me know . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My marriage has recently ended. The husband is still in our house on the settee looking for a house share"
(our young kids don't know yet,so we're keeping things normal until he has somewhere to go and they know where dad will be)
When the above changes perhaps your feelings will
" We were in an open marriage, but unfortunately I was the only one being honest. He's currently seeing a girl that he basically has been having an affair with for the last 7 years (who manages to cheat in an open marriage, honestly!). Since I ended things, I've continued to see people as I refuse to let this stop me enjoying my life. The problem is I feel a bit hypocritical, like I should be sat at home mourning the loss of my marriage. Am I stupid for feeling like this?"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You're not being hypocritical at all, unless you weren't honest, which you've stated you have been.
I hope things work out as far as the kids go and that the transition is as smooth as possible for ya. "
Thanks, it's my biggest worry telling them we're splitting up  |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
The mourning will come but continue to enjoy yourself, it's really important that you do. Glad to see your focus is on your children and their welfare is evidently paramount. Wishing you and the kids good luck.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're not being hypocritical at all, unless you weren't honest, which you've stated you have been.
I hope things work out as far as the kids go and that the transition is as smooth as possible for ya.
Thanks, it's my biggest worry telling them we're splitting up "
It will be a difficult thing to open up to them about but it’s not uncommon these days and if everyone involved will be happier then it’s best for them in the long run. As for yourself OP, everyone has different ways of coping and dealing with things. You seem to be aware of the feelings and the situation you find yourself in. The only advice I’d offer would be to not get too heavily involved with anyone too quickly. Relationships are complicated. Wish you and your family well |
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"My marriage has recently ended. The husband is still in our house on the settee looking for a house share (our young kids don't know yet,so we're keeping things normal until he has somewhere to go and they know where dad will be). We were in an open marriage, but unfortunately I was the only one being honest. He's currently seeing a girl that he basically has been having an affair with for the last 7 years (who manages to cheat in an open marriage, honestly!). Since I ended things, I've continued to see people as I refuse to let this stop me enjoying my life. The problem is I feel a bit hypocritical, like I should be sat at home mourning the loss of my marriage. Am I stupid for feeling like this?"
Nobody is stupid for feeling anything.
You deal with stuff in your own way.
Don't underestimate your kids though. They will have noticed dad's on the settee and be wondering why. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What was the reason that he didn't tell you x"
Too many lies to count. Dug himself a hole for that last 7 years which just kept getting deeper. I could forgive some stuff but not the rest. |
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"You're not being hypocritical at all, unless you weren't honest, which you've stated you have been.
I hope things work out as far as the kids go and that the transition is as smooth as possible for ya.
Thanks, it's my biggest worry telling them we're splitting up "
It's of little comfort I'm sure but when they look around the classroom they will see a large percentage of pupils who's parents have split up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it sounds like how you’ve decided to deal with the hurt and betrayal of your husband.
I’m sorry this happened to you, it cannot be easy.
Do you want you need to do. If that’s shagging right now, go for it. |
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This is why I will never understand open relationships . How is it possible to cheat in an open relationship ? I can only guess that the ‘rules’ were broken in some way , and he developed feelings he shouldn’t have . Saw her too often , and what started as a part of enjoying an open relationship became a full blown affair .
So assuming this is the case , why hasn’t he left and shacked up with her ? Why is he sleeping in the sofa ? Children aren’t stupid so they will know somethings up so that surely can’t be the reason .
Anyway , back to the question of whether the op is being hypocritical . Perhaps , but as I said I can’t get my head round an open relationship and cheating within it anyway . I would simply establish what’s acceptable in my own mind and crack on . It should be an interesting case for the divorce lawyers anyway . |
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You crack on and have some fun and don't feel guy for enjoying yourself 